One is the outcome of their thoughts. Their thoughts put into actions and words, which creates experiences, everything forming to create a unique personality that should be, and is supposed to be, just yours.
So when you figure out a rare here and there, that you just did something, something you would never have done just a short while ago.. you realize that you are growing, that you are changing and that your personality is adapting.
The little confrontation with John, the flirty exit.. what was I transforming into?.. A spitfire?.. A tease? Or was I just becoming more of the true me..?
Those were some of the thoughts racing through my head at the time... Just a small fragment of too many more...
My interaction with John probably only lasted four minutes, five minutes tops. Maybe I should have bypassed him immediately and gone to the main fight. But, well, to be honest I didn't mind being given a chance to delay going against Jean.
I had an extreme lack of enthusiasm about the whole thing.
I could have just disappeared, flown or even ran away. Gotten away from the utter and complete mess and thought up a really, really good excuse of why I had to. Not like anyone would have blamed me, or not have understood.
But excuses. Blah.
Purpose.
Yes, I had a purpose.
I had a reason for needing to stay. For needing to be there.
Because of Xavier. Because of what he did to me, and the faith he instilled in me, the trust he had in me.
There was no way getting out of any of it. I had to move forward.
If the area I was heading toward wasn't a battlefield before, it was then. So much was going on. The whole area polluted with every kind of weapon discharge and mutant ability imaginable. The ground shaking, weather changing, atmosphere thickening, noise banging disarray, that made even our toughest danger room scenario look like a lesson in pure fantasy.
I stood a ways off before I continued, trying to locate everyone through the immense crowd, but couldn't find anyone familiar. Not even Jean. So much going on that it was hard to discern one from another.
But then a familiar smell, drifted behind me, rough steps hurrying toward me.
I shot around. Knowing who it was immediately.
"Where have you been Rogue?"
I opened my mouth to respond, but he didn't give me time to say anything.
"Magneto and his people are providing us cover.. so we can.. handle Jean." His tone was filled with animosity toward Erik and overpowering impatience with me. "Don't you have your com on? Why haven't you been responding?"
I reached toward my ear, my eyes opening a little wider as I realized that the communication device was not there.
"I don't have it.. I must have lost it." I partially yelled over all the noise that was around us.
"Things like that can get people killed. You above all others should know to be more careful. It's not just your life on the line if you make a mistake here!" His voice cut into me with it's extreme disapproval, his intense accusing stare making me flush with anger.
"You're one t'talk Logan. Being Careful.. Hah!... Mistakes.. Please!... Who are you to lecture me! You're not my father, You're not my lover, and sometimes I don't even think you're my friend!" I had fire burning in my belly. Deeply offended by what he had just said. Everything going on around us and him actually having the gall to lecture me in the middle of it. I was more than a little hurt. Compensating for it with my screaming words, shouting at him as loud as I could, anything that would make my mouth stop quivering, the reaction my eyes were trying to have to cease. He was one of the few who could get such a rise out of me. Leave it to him to do it at such a time as that.
Logan gave me one long hard look when I completed my short diatribe, his nostrils flaring as he did so.
Hostility, ill-will and every other dark emotion were swirling around us. Connecting us to one another with almost tangible forces.
But that was broken for a time, when something went crashing right between the middle of us.. no someone.. Kitty. Her small body rolling, her uniform becoming more and more torn as the ground tugged and clawed at her small form. Finally she stopped, a small sigh leaving her lips as her eyes shut close.
That was when Colossus came barreling between us, coming after Kitty, maybe even running away.. yes running away. For he was being followed.
By Jean.
There was no more time for words, actions overtaking us both. I jumped to the right just in time to miss whatever Jean was throwing at me. Logan bringing out his claws along with one scary roar, neither doing him much good when Jean picked up what looked to be a broken motorcycle with her mind, hurling the untethered object right at him, forcing him away from her. He tried to avoid it, but it followed him, closer and closer it got to him.
But then it stopped. Frozen in place.
It was me. My hand outstretched, not even knowing until I saw what I had done, that I had done anything at all. Everything becoming so natural and instinctually, that I hardly even needed a thought.
Jean turned to the side, a small malignant sneer filling her face as she clapped her attention on me.
"Try this." She said, dropping the small vehicle and her focus on Logan, as she uttered those threatening words.
Then with barely any gesture at all, except for a slight fling of her wrists, she ripped two huge trees right out by their roots, and directed them at me.
But that wasn't all. As they came toward me they lit with a white energy, hypnotizing me with their intensity... There was something about them that wasn't right. I could feel it.
But I remained where I was. Standing a short distance away, watching as they came toward me. Putting a protective field in front of me as I thought how easy it was.
But I was wrong.
Ripping right through magnetic barrier, the trees came right for me, fazing me because they had broken through so easily, and shouldn't have been able to.
Someone pushed me from behind, sending me out of the way of the objects, the searing intensity from the proximity of the trees actually cooking part of my uniform and coat, burning through as it got too close to my left arm. I stumbled from the pain, falling to the ground as I tore my flaming coat off me and then grabbed onto my arm. Watching as it blistered and burned right in front of me.. Putting my fingers close to my skin, I manipulated ice crystals over it all, trying to soothe and maybe even stop the horrific onslaught on my skin.
"Stupid girl! Don't you know that intense heat disrupts magnetism!"
She was right it did, and the Erik in me had been nagging me, trying to tell me that but I didn't listen.
I got partially off the ground, leaning on my right knee, watching Jean as she slowly walked toward me.
She was close. Too close.
My stomach felt as if I was on a roller coaster, my eyes on Jean's hands and face. Watching, waiting for her to make her move.
She was near.
No, she was right in front of me.
Sweat was building up on my forehead, a sense of panic coming through me, intensifying the queasiness in my stomach.
I was going to have to act.
But then a flash of metal came from the corner of my left eye, a loud angry yell along with it.
Colossus.
He smashed into Jean, the impact of which could have moved an elephant. But instead just sent him ambling backwards.
Doing nothing to her. No, that is wrong, it did do something to Jean.
It annoyed her.
Bringing her head downward she strode away from me toward Colossus. Him backing away from her, looking as if he wanting to be doing the complete opposite, but couldn't, knowing it would do no good...
I must have passed out then, more hurt then I thought, for when I came to Jean was no longer in the area, and Colossus was lying near me, no, Piotr, for no longer was he made of metal, but of flesh. But at least it was living flesh. His rising and falling chest showing that distinctly enough.
I wondered why Jean didn't just finish us, contemplating several reasons, any of them having the ability to be the truth.
I got off the ground, wobbling as I did so, feeling partially numb as I watched my skin finish stitching itself, leaving no marks behind of what had been.
A hand came upon my shoulder.
"You ok?"
I faced Logan, getting his hand off my body at the same time, making sure he understood that I was doing so on purpose. I knew Logan well enough to see that that offended him, even with his stoic demeanor in full force.
Ignoring his words I looked down at my exposed flesh on my arm, the still smoking coat on the ground near me, then back up at him. I was still feeling upset and out of sorts with him. Not to mention extra miffed that my new leather coat had been ruined.
I brought my hand up and with a sweeping gesture, put out the small fires around us. Logan's gaze on me watching me attentively.
"I guess..." I finally answered him morosely. Finding it difficult to talk to Logan. Knowing I didn't want to. But knowing that I had to. "But what about Piotr?"
"We should move him." He ordered me, watching me carefully.
I opened my mouth to say something. But then closed it as I acquiesced.
So we moved Piotr in an even more isolated area, where Kitty was, where Logan must have moved her earlier. I know that he could have done it on his own, but he was trying to keep me distracted. Knowing how my thoughts have a tendency to get the better of me, when I don't guard myself enough.
At that point I was feeling breathless and completely out of it. That feeling growing when I heard Scott's detached voice through Logan's earpiece, responding to his call for assistance for Kitty and Piotr, letting us know he would get there as soon as he could, sounding more than occupied himself.
But then Ororo's voice broke through Logan's com line, loud enough for me to hear. Bobby shouting something as well. I briefly wondered what happen between him and Pyro but was more glad that him and Ororo were actually still with us...
But they needed help.
I remember that I couldn't stop myself thinking that we all did.
