Chapter 127: Potty Birds

Mario and Luigi's Mushroom Car had been pooped frequently by a flock of pigeons and Mario can't take it. So he swears revenge on them but it is going to take a bunch of Smash City people to do so. (807) (TV-14-LSV)


"Today's gonna be a great day, eh, Luigi?" asked Mario.

"It sure is, bro," said Luigi.

"Yep, and breakfast was awesome. Let's go to work."

"See you jobless people later."

"Hey, we have jobs too!" said Kirby.

The Mario Bros. went to their Mushroom Car.

"First of all, let's just be careful what I wished for," said Mario.

"What's wrong with that?" asked Luigi.

"Cause it may go bad one way or another."

Mario starts driving to the highway that led to Luigi's restaurant and drops him off.

"Thanks brother," he said as Mario waved to him.

Mario then drove to his job...a pizza hut which he had worked there since year. it is 5 miles north of Luigi's Pizza.

Mario begins his shift which would last for 7 hours. Once his shift was over, he then noticed his car. It had been pooped a couple times.

"What the hell? Those birds must better not crapped my car," Mario said as he went to pick up Luigi.

"What happened to the car?" asked Luigi.

"I don't know, some dumbass must had pooped the window."

"Well, as long as they're no pigeons. They're the worst."

For the next 4 days, it was basically the same routine. The poops start to get very noticeable to the point Mario is growing frustrated.

"Huh?! How does this keep happening?" Mario asked.

He drove off, annoyed.

"Maybe he didn't noticed," said the first pigeon.

"Yeah, but doesn't want to get pissed about it," said the second pigeon.

"How come I don't get to poop?" asked the third pigeon.

"Cause you a son of a bitch and a bigger fool," said the leader pigeon as he get a shotgun and shot him. "Get the hell out!"

"Dude...what the hell?" asked the fourth pigeon, distraught.

"Look if we cannot poop on the fat bastard, then our plans will be worthless," said the leader.

"Well, let's go invade him," said the first pigeon.

"I don't how to say this, but you're a genius," said the leader, impressed.

Later...

"Again? Those frickin pigeons better not be behind this," said Luigi.

"Hey guys, you wanna some fun like mess with our neighbor?" asked Link.

"No thanks, I'm kinda pissed," said Mario.

"It's gonna kick ass."

"He's right. Let's join!" said Luigi.

Mario gave himself a "what the heck" look. They joined the other guys for some fun. A half hour later, Mario and Luigi came back and...

Mario shouted in anger.

"What's the matter?" asked Fox.

"Is there's a reason to yell so loud?" asked Falco, bothered.

Mario huffed. ""Luigi might be right. Those motherfucking birds shitted on our car. If they turn to be pigeons, I'm gonna fucking kill those sons of bitches!"

"Well, if you're so upset, why won't you start an army?" asked Falco.

"Falco, you are such a genius," said Mario.

"Wow, you couldn't get any smarter for a sarcastic guy," said Fox.

"If we're gonna kill those pieces of shit, we gotta have a big-ass army," said Mario.

"For sure, we're in," said Falco.

"We can't do it without you," said Fox.

"Thanks both of you. Any more?" asked Mario.

Luigi (of course), Yoshi, Kirby, Wolf, and Link joined the army as well. Mario smiled.

"Good, i think that's big enough." said Mario. "Let's go shit on their faces."

At the outside of the mansion, the army encounter the pigeons, but realized there's more.

Mario and the army is shocked and the birds start pooping on them.

*End of act 1*

*Start of act 2*

"Haha, in your faces, motherfuckers! You got shitted!" said the fourth pigeon.

"All to this guy's idea," said the leader, smug.

"What the hell, you nasty birds?! You douchebags can't be doing this! It's fucking gross!" Mario ranted.

"Well, too bad, fat bastard. This is a hell of a job we're doing." said the leader.

"YOU TAKE THAT BACK, YOU DICK! You know what, the war is not over, I'm gonna go a big ass army to shoot you sons of bitches!"

"See you next time, bitch!"

At the mansion, Mario is commanding his friends like a drill sergeant.

"Alright, men, listen up! We got a mission to solve! Those pigeons have been pooping on my car and it's driving me mad! So without you men, this mission would have been a failure! Now we gotta get rid of them before I get pissed off even more! Any questions?!"

"We don't have any questions to ask," said Wolf.

"Good, now let's go clean those fuckers' acts, literally!" said Mario.

Army-esque music plays as they prepare to get rid of the birds.

"Well, if isn't Mario! And he got his own army? Are you guys ready for the battle?" asked the leader of pigeons.

"YES!" the other pigeons replied.

"Ready, guys?" asked Mario.

"YEAH!" they all replied.

"Then the war begin!" said Mario.

Rock music plays in the background as the two enemies try to attack each other. However, as the battle progress, the pigeons team have better power. The other team have been weakened in power,

"It's no use, Mario. Their powers' are stronger," said Yoshi.

"I can't control my arms," said Fox.

"Me neither, they're broken," said Falco.

Mario just rages quit.

"Buddy, you ok?" asked Yoshi.

"No, I am not! Those bastards are just nothing but worthless bullies! Come on, let's just quit," said Mario.

"Ha ha ha! You suck, Mario!" said the leader.

"I fucking heard that!" Mario yells.

"I can't believe his army gave up," said the fourth pigeon.

"I know, man, it's like winning world war 2 against the USA," said the third (another) pigeon.

They all gave themselves high fives.

Back home, Wario checks up on the other who are depressed.

"Hey, what's wrong, Mario?" he asks.

"Mario's too sad so, I'll chime in," said Link as he explains. "We fail to get rid of poopy flock of birds."

"And why you all fail? That sounded easy." said Wario.

"It was at first, but it seems harder than we thought," said Link.

Luigi thoughts of a great idea.

"Hey fellas, I got an idea. I know what I'm thinking."

He stares at Wario.

"What?" he asked.

Luigi grins.

The pigeons were pooping on the whole neighborhood which it smells really bad.

"Ah, this is so relaxing," said the first pigeon.

"Yep, no fatass plumber ruining our fun time," said the second pigeon.

"Now, let's go shit on the rest of the city," said the third pigeon.

The fourth pigeon slaps pigeon number 3.

"Are you out of fucking mind? That's a shit-ass idea."

"Why not?" asked pigeon #3.

"I'm just saying, literally, shit-ass idea. The whole city will smell like ass," replied the 4th pigeon.

"Look, guys, someone's coming," said the leader.

"Who?" they asked.

"It's - Oh my god...Mario?"

"No fucking way! Really, he's back?" asked the third pigeon.

"Yep, afraid so," said the leader. "Though there's also another fat bastard on his team."

"Well, well, well," said Wario, "we got ourselves a crappy problem. You guys need to stop messing with Mario. Literally."

"Hey don't steal my jokes," said the 4th pigeon. "I love literal jokes."

"Shut the hell up! (to Wario) Oh really? How?" asked the leader.

"By crapping on you!" yelled Wario as he took off his clothes.

The pigeons, even Mario and his team were disgusted.

"What the hell is that?! Is that an ugly ass turd?!" asked the leader.

"My god, it's huge. I never seen a turd like that," said the first pigeon.

"Hell yeah, bitches!" said Wario. "And it's time to finish this!"

Loud farting noise is heard in the city. It was covered in horrible ozone for a week.

Of course, that horrible fart smell causes the death of the pigeons.

Next week, the city smells good again as Mario gave Wario an award.

"Wow, Wario, as much as gross you are, you saved the day. Congrats!" he said. "Here's your award: the crap award."

Wario laughs at the name.

"Well, it's looks like you solve you problem by doing so," he said.

"Or taking an ugly-ass shit," said Luigi.

"What the fuck, Luigi? When did you learn to say those words?" asked a hypocritical Mario.

"What are you talking about? I had said them before every once in a while," replied Luigi.

"Whatever, at least let's go celebrate," said Mario.

"Yeah, let's celebrate by eating poop?" said Wario, laughing evily.

"Hell no!" Mario, Luigi, Fox, Falco, Link, and other three said this at the same time.

"That's ok with me," said Wario as he went offscreen and eat the poop he made.

"Ugh, what a turd," said a disgusted Link.

"Tell me about it," said Yoshi.

THE END