CH 51

"I should probably find the girls." River sighed after a while in his arms, giving his hand one last squeeze. The Doctor hummed in agreement, but didn't move yet, not wanting her to leave his arms. She stood up after another few minutes, lightly tugging on his arm to get him to go with her as she began walking out of the room.

He trailed along after her, eventually catching up and wrapping his arm around her waist, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. She beamed, resting her hands on his just as Amelia and Freya came bounding down the call, closely followed by Vastra and Jenny.

"Mummy! Daddy found you!" Amelia attached herself to one of River's legs while Freya wrapped her arms around the other. "You weren't cheating, were you?"

"Of course I wasn't cheating!" She smiled, scooping Amelia up and kissing her cheek. "I hope you've been being good for Auntie Vastra and Auntie Jenny."

She nodded happily and sloppily planted a kiss on her cheek. "We were about to read Winnie the Pooh!"

"Oh, I see. Would you like me to tell you a story instead?" River asked, already escorting them all towards the girl's reading room which was filled with books and plush couches, pillows and chairs.

"Yes." Both the girls nodded eagerly. "But I want Auntie Vastra and Jenny to stay!" Freya insisted.

She nodded, sitting down on one of the couches, Freya waiting until the Doctor sat down so she could scramble onto his lap. "Auntie Vastra and Jenny can stay if they'd like. They're more than welcome to. What story would you like? One about when your father and I got married? Or about when we found out we were going to have you two? Or something else?"

"Will you tell us a story about grandad and grandmum?" Amelia asked, clambering into River's lap.

She frowned,"Maybe not tonight, love. How about something else?"

She pouted. "But that's what you said last time we asked for a story about them. Pretty please, mummy?"

River sighed, "Sweetie, sometimes it's very hard to talk them and tell stories."

"Why?" The girl didn't understand that even telling her about the happy memories of her grandparents would make her mother upset.

"Well, sometimes the happy memories are the hardest because it makes me think about how I won't be able to make any more." She whispered, "Now, is there another story you want to hear?" She asked, wanting to change the subject.

Amelia pretended to ponder but she already knew what her second choice was. "Tell us about sneaking out of the... um..." She tried to remember the name of the prison River had been in. They thought her stories of Stormcage were very funny since most of them involved how she'd tricked the guards. Sometimes she and the Doctor would even act it out for them.

River's smile returned, "Have I ever told you about the time I broke using only my extra special lipstick and a marker?" Amelia shook her head. River had told them about the Pandorica, briefly mentioning that she used her 'extra special lipstick' to break out, but hadn't gone into further detail about it. "Well, one night in Stormcage, I got a call that your daddy was in trouble and I needed to get out of my cell very quickly. The guard that was working was new, and so I was able to use my special lipstick on him. He got very confused at first, and while he was distracted I stole his keys and drew a stick lady with curly hair on the wall. I was able to walk out without a problem, and when he finally came around, he thought the drawing was me."

"Have you ever used your special lipstick on daddy?" She giggled.

Her smile grew wider, "Oh, sweetie, I don't need to use my special lipstick on daddy." She leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips. The Doctor was surprised by the kiss, but immediately kissed her back until he realized that he and River were not the only ones in the room. River pulled back smiling softly. "I love you."

"I love you, too." He whispered close to her ear, ignoring the disgusted noises from their children.

"Daddy?" Freya asked, standing up on his lap, interrupting them, "Is mummy going to have another baby?"

He was completely caught off guard by her question, not sure if she was wondering whether River was pregnant again or if she would ever would be again. "I... um..." He looked desperately at River to help him out on this.

"What do you mean, love?" River asked softly, trying not to appear upset by the question.

Freya pointed to River's middle. "You said the baby was growing in there. But then it came out too early and wasn't working so you can grow another one, right? An' then me and Mia can be big sisters."

She bit her lip, "Well...There isn't one in there right now. And I'd want you two to be big sisters, but...Freya, I don't know if my belly will be able to grow any more babies." She glanced up at the Doctor, pleading with her eyes for help.

Freya looked up at her parents, not understanding.

"There's a special organ in mummy's belly that a baby grows in. Sometimes... it can become damaged in a way that won't let it grow a baby properly any more."

"So, Mummy is never going to have a baby? And I'm never going to have a baby brother?" She asked, frowning.

The look on her face made him feel terrible. "I don't know, sweetheart. I... It's not impossible for it to happen, but..."

"I'm so sorry, Freya." River whispered, her heart aching for her daughters.

"But I want a baby brother." She said sadly, moving onto River's lap with Amelia and snuggling close to her mother.

"I want you to have a baby brother too, but..." River swallowed, hating that she couldn't give her children what they wanted. She hugged them tightly, afraid that if she didn't, she'd lose them too

"Will you try?" She sniffed.

She nodded slowly, "Yes, I'll try."

"Soon?"

She glanced over at the Doctor. "Yes, soon, sweetheart. If Daddy wants to try soon."

"What does daddy have to do with it?" She didn't know that her father had anything to do with putting a baby in her mother's belly.

"Well, if a mummy and a daddy both want a baby, then a baby will be able to grow." She covered, the girls weren't old enough to find out the real reason why daddy was involved. "Do...do you want to try soon?"

The Doctor looked at her not wanting to talk about it in front of their daughters. He certainly didn't mind trying even if they had to wait a few weeks like they did after Amelia and Freya were born. Trying was the fun bit, but he didn't think River was ready to try for another baby, let alone ready to try for one. Even if she managed to get pregnant again, would the baby even survive long enough to be born? He swallowed, changing the subject, "Why don't we get you girls to bed, yeah?"

River nodded, lifting Freya up. He lifted Amelia and followed after River. Vastra and Jenny also joined them in the girls room as they were tucking them into bed. "Mummy, will you sing us a song?" Freya yawed.

She bit her lip, "Well...um...Not tonight, love." She whispered, kissing her forehead.

"Please?" Amelia joined in with her sister on begging her mother.

"I'm very tired girls, not tonight."

"Aww..." Freya pouted, snuggling into her blankets.

"Maybe tomorrow." She kissed Amelia's head. Inturn, she reached up to hug her mother, rubbing her nose against hers. River hugged her back, doing the same for Freya before leaving the room. Jenny and Vastra stayed put as the Doctor went to follow her, knowing that their friends had things they needed to talk about in private.

River walked ahead of him, her arms wrapped around her body. He put a hand on her shoulder as he caught up to her, not needing to ask what was wrong. "I didn't think she'd ask that so soon." She whispered.

"Time goes slower when you're that young. A long time to her may be a short time for us." There really was no point in telling her this, but it was all he could say to comfort her.

She turned towards him, burying her face into his neck, "I'm not ready to try again." She breathed, "I don't even know if I can have another baby."

"I know, River. I know." He stroked the back of her head and wrapped his other arm around her. "You don't have to. We don't have to try again."

"But I promised." She whispered, squeezing her eyes shut, "I've already broken so many promises, I can't break another one."

"They'll understand if they can't be big sisters." He instinctively held her tighter. "They'll understand eventually."

"They're going to hate me." Her voice was shaking, "I don't want them to have to understand, I want them to be big sisters. I want you to have a son."

"And if that can't happen it's not your fault, love. They're not going to hate you." He sighed wishing he could just snap his fingers and make things better.

She sighed as well, taking a deep breath and pulling away. "We don't need to try again." He repeated, looking directly at her. "You don't need to put yourself under that kind of pressure."

"I want to." She whispered, "Not now, but eventually..." She trailed off, looking up at him, "Do you not want to?"

"Of course I want to. But if you're not ready or you don't think you can undergo that..." If River wanted to try for another baby he was all for it, but he didn't think either of them would be able to handle another loss.

She bit her lip, "I think we need time... We need more time to get over what's happened before we sit down and talk about this anymore. I don't want to say something I'm going to regret later." He nodded in agreement.

He knew that they couldn't really even consider trying to conceive until she was fully recovered from the birth and what had happened with Kovarian, both physically and emotionally. That would be a couple of months. "Why don't we go to bed. I know it's a little early..."

"No, no it's fine. Bed sounds nice." She managed to force a weak smile, wrapping her arms around him and beginning to walk towards their room.

"Did you ever see where Jack went?" He asked as the walked into their room. It occurred to him that he hadn't seen Jack since he made them apologize to each other.

"Oh...no I haven't." She frowned, holding him a bit tighter.

He shrugged. "I guess he'll show up." It was a bit unusual for him to disappear like that, but they'd had a rough day and didn't need to think about any more problems.

"We should really thank him when he does." She nodded, too exhausted to think about where he may have gone.

"We don't have to buy him a gift, do we?" He joked, pulling back the covers and slipping his jacket, shoes, trousers, and braces off. He didn't want to bother changing into pajamas.

She smiled, "No, we don't have to buy him a gift." She murmured, sliding off her shoes and crawling into bed beside him.

He pressed himself close to her, it feeling wonderful to just have her there after everything."Good." He said, already starting to fall asleep.

"I love you." She yawned, nestling into his warmth.

"I love you, too." He whispered, pressing a kiss to her forehead. She fell asleep smiling, curled up against him.