What Once Was (A Steins;Gate 0 Story)

Chapter 53-It's Not Easy To Let Go

Disclaimer:I don't own Steins;Gate, only this story...

After arriving back to their worldline, Okabe and Kurisu were relieved to have put this crisis behind them. As soon as they stepped through the shrinking rift, Kuroki stood to his feet, awaiting news of Faris. Okabe was about to give him the bad news, when someone else fell out of the rift before it closed for good. Now, there was no evidence that it had been there at all. Faris was lying on the floor for a minute before she got on her feet, and when she did she headed straight for Okabe. Everyone present was in shock, having fully expected not to ever see her again.

The expression on her face was one of anger, mixed with another emotion, and it wasn't hard to tell what it was. When she reached him, she seemed prepared to slap him, or do something else equally unpleasant, and she didn't disappoint in that regard. She focused her gaze on the floor and began beating on his chest with her fists.

"How could you do this to me, Okabe? I wanted to stay there, and I would have been able to if you had never shown up!" She began crying, breaking down into sobs, as her hits got steadily weaker, until she collapsed. "I hate you, Okabe! I don't want to see you here anymore, so just leave and take that stupid fiancée of yours with you!"

Normally, he would be sympathetic, but in this case, he didn't care. He would have already forgiven her by now under normal circumstances, but these were anything but normal. Even though she had always been a good friend to him, all sympathy for her situation went out the window when she threatened Kurisu. Anyone who could hurt Kurisu like that, didn't deserve to be a friend of his, and it would be a long time before he forgave her, if he ever did.

"Faris, I don't care about your feelings for me or how devastated you are that you can't have me! Sure, it may have been cute that you had a crush on me at first, and when I found out about it I should have told you how I felt. I will admit that I could have handled that better. However, threatening my family to get what you want is taking it much farther than it should have ever gone. You have no right to be angry with me about ruining your little trip to Dreamland. Not after what YOU'VE done. You brought this on yourself, so you'll just have to deal with the consequences. " Okabe turned away from Faris, and began walking away.

"Also, don't think I didn't hear the way you insulted Kurisu just now. I highly doubt that someone who is publicly known as a genius, could be considered stupid, and even if she wasn't labeled as one, she's still smarter than most people. You don't have to worry about seeing us here again, because we won't be coming back!" The words in his last sentence were laced with so much venom that if the poison had been real it would have killed Faris on the spot.

It was safe to say that Okabe had had enough of all of the hardship they had been going through. He had never gotten this mad over something before, because he usually wasn't one to have such a short fuse, but his frustration had been building up for a while now, and this was the match that made it explode. He stomped out of the room without another word, ready to get out of this place as quickly as possible. On his way out, he carelessly threw the knife he had stashed in his pocket onto the floor. Kurisu stayed behind for a moment, looking back at Faris and Kuroki, who was now comforting her. She was also upset, but Okabe had already said everything that needed saying.

"Uh…What he said!" Kurisu shouted, as she ran after Okabe.

Faris was left crying in her room, as Kuroki held her in his arms. She was hurt by what Okabe said to her, but at the same time, she knew that what she had done was too extreme, and she was starting to feel remorse for her actions. "I-I'm all alone, now!" She sobbed, her shoulders shaking as she buried her face in her hands.

"Come now, you know that isn't true. At the very least, you still have me, and that HAS to count for something, doesn't it? I'm sure that in time, things will get better, and you may be able to repair your relationships with your friends. It's just going to take some time for all of you to figure things out. In the meantime, I think you need to start by seeing a therapist every week. That will help you sort through your feelings and then, perhaps you can move on. One day, I'm sure that you will find the man that's right for you. However, don't be hasty about it. There's no rush to find the one, because you're still so young that there will be plenty of time for that, later." Kuroki assured.

"I just hope that Kyouma, wherever he is, can be happy. He deserves it, even if I'm not the one who can provide that for him." Faris said, gloomily.

He wasn't mad at Okabe, because he knew that his daughter was in the wrong, and even if he wasn't there to see what actually happened, it was clear from what she had written in her journal that she had developed some mental issues. Unfortunately, although everyone had returned unharmed, his worries still came true. For Faris and her friends, nothing would ever be the same between them again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kurisu finally caught up to Okabe on the sidewalk outside the manor. She wrapped her arms around his right arm, and leaned over, laying her head against his side. "Geez, you could have waited for me. I'm pretty sure that we've had this discussion before, but my legs are shorter than yours, so it's hard to catch up to you when you run off like you always seem to do." When Okabe didn't immediately respond, she apologized. "Sorry, I wasn't trying to complain. I know that you have a lot of different things to worry about, and I wasn't trying to make my needs another one of them."

"No, no, it's fine, Kurisu. You couldn't possibly add to my list of worries, because you've always been on there. In fact, you're the number one thing on the list. That's not to say that me having to worry about you all the time is a bad thing, because it's not. It just means that I have someone worth caring about in my life. The fact that you're the first thing on there should tell you how much you mean to me. Losing you is my main concern, right next to keeping you happy, of course." Okabe revealed, honestly.

Kurisu smiled, sweetly. "Oh, Okabe. How did I ever find someone as wonderful as you are?"

"I've been asking myself that every day, only in reverse. I'm not sure how I ever found someone as wonderful as you." Okabe smiled back, lovingly.

"You don't have to worry about me doubting it, Okabe, because I already know how much you love me. If you didn't, there's no way you would have gotten so mad at Faris just now, right? That was impressive, by the way. I'm pretty sure you blew her hair back with that outburst of yours." Kurisu laughed.

She was surprised that this whole mess hadn't affected her more than it had, and it WAS pretty bad when she was being held hostage, but now that it was over, she wasn't worried about it. The cut Faris inflicted on her was tiny, so it wasn't like it would leave much of a scar, and besides, Okabe's rage was enough for both of them.

It wasn't that she was unaffected by the experience, because she definitely was, but it didn't amount to very much in the end. The main difference was that if she ever saw Faris again, she would be more careful around her and not be caught alone with her. That wouldn't be a problem, though, because if she knew Okabe, and she was certain she did by now, he wouldn't allow her to even go near her.

"It was one thing for you to be held hostage by someone like Leskinen, but for you to be captured by a person that I previously considered a friend is something that I won't stand for. This is a betrayal of the highest magnitude, and if I ever see her again…well, let's just say that I can't be held responsible for what I will do." Okabe fumed, his anger still burning like red-hot coal in his veins.

Kurisu gulped, making a mental note to make sure that he was never left alone with Faris. And people said SHE was scary when she was angry!

"Okabe, it's all right. I'm fine! You saved me again, just like I knew you would. It's over now, so let it go." Kurisu told him, attempting to calm him down.

"Kurisu, I can't just…I can't let it go that easily. If anyone hurts you, then I get so upset that it's impossible for me to think straight. I suppose you could say that you're my greatest treasure, and my highest priority is to guard you and keep you safe from anyone who thinks they can steal you away from me. I may be a little overprotective, and I realize that, but it's not something that can be flipped on and off like a light switch. I'm on guard duty 24/7, and you don't have to worry, because I'm not going to go anywhere. EVER." Okabe explained. He was 100% sincere, and she could tell.

"Th-That's enough, Okabe. I can't take it." Kurisu's face was bright red, and she felt like she was going to overheat if she had to hear any more of this. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear that you feel so strongly about me and our relationship, but hearing your true feelings is too embarrassing!" The thought that anyone could love her enough to call her their greatest treasure was overwhelming to her.

"All right, all right. I'll stop, but I was only telling you the truth." Okabe said, with a chuckle.

They continued their walk, side by side, headed in the direction of the apartment. It wasn't raining, but Kurisu almost wished that it were, because her face was still beet-red, and the cold liquid would help cool it off.

Okabe and Kurisu were both in much better spirits after their conversation. It may have been a little sappy, but it did the trick, making them feel better than they had in a while.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He wasn't sure how long he sat there, but it must have been quite a while, because the next time he looked up from the table, it was past lunchtime. He could tell from the position of the sun that was visible through the windows in the café. When he arrived, it was barely up there, and now it was high in the sky like it always was when it was the middle of the day. Had he done something wrong? He was beginning to think that he did.

There must have been something he could have done better to prevent her from leaving the way that she had. Their conversation along with her departure played over and over in his mind, as he tried to figure out what went wrong. Okabe had reviewed it SO many times, but there was no other way it could have gone down that he could see. With a sigh of frustration, he stood from his spot at the table, preparing to leave the establishment. It didn't matter if he found a better way to do things, because it was in the past, and nothing he did could change what had already happened.

He wasn't sure why he did it, if he was hoping for something to come from it or simply doing it on a whim, but even though he knew nothing was likely to happen, he still went through with it. Okabe took a small notepad out of the pocket of his lab coat and used the red pen that he always kept near his chest to write a note. He sat there for a while trying to think of what it should say before deciding to keep it simple.

On his way out, he gave the note to the manager, asking them to give it to Kurisu the next time she came in. He began describing her to him, but before he could finish, the manager stopped him. She was a regular, and he had seen her in there enough times to know who he was talking about. Once he had promised to give it to her the next time he saw her, Okabe left.

After the experience he had, he didn't feel like doing much else. He felt bad about pushing her away, but he most likely wouldn't ever see her again, so there was no opportunity to fix it. The only thing useful that he knew about Kurisu was her name, and he had no idea where she lived, so it wasn't like he could go visit her. Okabe doubted that she would accept his offer, but he was still hoping that she would, even if it wasn't likely. Still, he had accomplished what Mayuri and Daru wanted him to do, so they should let him in if he returned to the Lab.

"Hey, you two. It's me!" He announced after knocking on the door.

"Hey, Okarin. I'm guessing this means that you did what we said?" Daru answered, voice muffled through the wood.

"Yeah! Did you do it?" Mayuri asked, excitedly.

"What kind of fool do you take me for? Of course, I did! Why else would I even bother coming back here when you made it clear what I had to do to return?" Okabe answered, feeling mildly annoyed.

"Don't be grumpy, man. I'm coming to the door." Within a few seconds of saying those words, Daru opened the door to see his friend's frowning face.

Okabe walked past him, entering the apartment, as he closed the door behind him. It was obvious to Mayuri and Daru that something had gone wrong, but they didn't know what. Judging by the expression on his face, he met someone and it hadn't turned out the way he had hoped.

"Are you going to tell us how it went, or not?" Daru questioned, trying to prompt Okabe to spill all the juicy secrets he was sure he was hiding.

"How do YOU think it went, Daru? I only went out there because you forced me to, and it was nothing but a waste of time! Yes, I met someone, but the only thing I accomplished was scaring her away, and no, I don't feel like talking about it. I realize that you were only trying to help, but this is one of those times where I wish you hadn't bothered." Okabe stormed off towards the bedroom in the back of the apartment, without another word.

"Okarin, I…" Mayuri placed a hand on his shoulder as he walked past her, but he shrugged her off, continuing on his way.

"Save it, Mayuri. I'm not interested in hearing anything either of you have to say."

Once he was gone, Mayuri turned to Daru and sighed. "This stinks. I was sure that would help him get better, but it didn't work."

"I was pretty confident in our plan too, but there's not much we can do about it now. When I mentioned him having girl problems before, I was only joking. If he didn't already have them before, then it looks like we succeeded in giving him some. I guess we'll have to give him some more time and try again later." Daru went back to whatever he was doing on the computer, while Mayuri continued working on her latest costume, disappointed in how things had turned out.

Okabe lay back in the bed, staring at the ceiling and pondering all the problems that he had to deal with. At the moment, there wasn't much he could do about Kurisu, so he focused his brainpower on solving the mystery of the photo in his pocket. Who was that girl, and why did he feel like he knew her? Eventually, he ended up taking a nap, and that's when it all began to make sense. During his slumber he dreamt, and the dream contained bits and pieces of the memories associated with the pink-haired girl. It was nothing as coherent as the memory that he had experienced with Kurisu, but these fragments of the past were enough to help him piece together who she was, and how they were connected.

He awakened some time later feeling refreshed, along with the knowledge he had been seeking.

"The girl in the photo is…her name was Faris. She and I used to be lovers. Something must have drove us apart, but I can't seem to recall the specifics. I pushed her away, and a mysterious force must have made me to lose my memories of her. Even now, I was only able to remember the basics, and it's pointless to try to find out more. Something tells me that she's not here anymore, and if I were to go looking, I would never find any trace of her. The only thing I have left of her is this photo, and she's the source of the sadness I've been feeling lately.

At one time, I believe I was in love with her, and it broke my heart to lose her, but I don't…what I felt when I met Kurisu was entirely different. Based on the scene we saw, it's safe to say that we also used to be lovers. I'm not sure what split us apart, but I wish it hadn't. Faris is gone now, so it stands to reason that if I were to go after one of them to restore our relationship, Kurisu is the obvious choice. The feelings I feel around her are stronger than what I used to feel around Faris, and I think Kurisu is the one for me. I need to focus on HER right now, and try to recall anything I can about her. That's all I can do until I see her again, if I ever get the chance to." Okabe finished.

Now that he had sorted through everything he knew so far, all he could do was wait and hope that against all odds, their paths would cross once more.