HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY MY FELLOW AUSSIES XD I hope you all have a great day celebrating how lucky we are to live here! Even if Queensland is having the hottest day in fourteen years, we're still lucky! But some snow wouldn't go amiss...
Anyway. I didn't reach my goal of ten reviews! Ahh I was one off!
xXMizz Alec VolturiXx: It was intended to be naive musings, glad you realised it ;)
Gurl5678: I didn't realise that his backstory was so sad... sorry for making you cry! But thank you very much for the praise :D
Snaep: Lol, you didn't sound like a psychology professor. I'm glad you liked that Charlie stopped. I actually had intended for them to do it, but I thought it was clunky and didn't fit at that point in time... so yeah. Thank you! I hope all goes well for you at your school XD
TheJesusFreak777: I agree with you. I don't want them having sex at sixteen. I mean, I don't have anything against anyone who does. It's a personal choice. I don't judge. I'm not a judgemental person when it comes to religious, political and ethic views. I only judge people on their taste in music... jokes. Anyway, I think that they'll at least be seventeen when they do it. It's not that much different to being sixteen, but at least they're of age... I'm not sure yet. I thought the part about Darren was a little rushed, but I needed to establish it then because it explains a lot about his personality, and I need that for sixth year. Now. Onto what you said about Charlie and Maggie... I think I've realised that as well. I've had this chapter planned out for ages and they do have a deep-ish conversation in this chapter... so hopefully that will make up for the meaningless fluff and lack of deep-ness. Lol. And as for Tonks asdhfashfashfuiasdgf I have something planned out for her and a certain someone and it will establish her character and practically her life after Hogwarts... kinda. Lol. And don't apologise for long reviews! They're the best!
Williukea: XD Genius minds do think alike! I was planning to maybe do that as well! But I faced the same dilemma that you did. I'll have to think of new names... lol. Thank you :D
Guest no. 1: Thank you so much! Dora will be dating someone, and I'm not keeping that a secret. But how long that lasts, I'm not sure. XD
Guest no. 2: XD this might sound weird but I love when people say they've read my story within a day, two days etc. It's like saying, "I've put time aside so that I can read the work you have put hours into. I read over 150,000 words in two days, because I just couldn't stop reading." Idk man, I just love reading stuff like that. Thank you so so much!
Guest no. 3: His backstory has been planned for ages. I needed to write it. Happy you liked it :D. So... I've never been in love (unless you count fictional characters and band members, but let's not) so I'm just assuming what it's like; I've read and watched a lot of romance centred books, fanfics and movies. I've never been married (maybe in my head, but not really) and I have no idea what fighting with someone you love that much would be like. But it obviously wouldn't be good. I hope you're okay. I've had boyfriends, but as a thirteen-year-old girl, I don't have experience with love. So what I'm writing in this may be really unrealistic, but at least you relate to what Darren's said about love ;). If I follow my plan for this story (which has been known to not happen) then they will get back together, but I'm not sure. Thanks for the review!
Chocolatecheesecakes: You are so lucky that you get to see FOB! Speaking of FOB (kinda) and bands in general... GERARD FUCKING WAY IS COMING TO WHERE I LIVE ON MARCH THE FIRST FOR THE SHOCKWAVE FESTIVAL AND OTHER BAND PEOPLE WILL BE THERE LIKE SLASH AND FALL OUT BOY AND I CAN'T FUCKING GO BECAUSE MY MUM SAYS THERE ARE PAEDOPHILES AND MY DAD WILL FORBID IT AND AFHASDOFAOSFYHAOSYFASD. Ahem, sorry. But seriously, March the first is going to be so horrible. Gerard will be FIFTEEN FUCKING KILOMETRES away and I won't be able to see him. I got all excited at first and had visions of Gerard hugging me (I think about that way too much) and giving me his autograph and letting me take a photo of us... it was stupid and farfetched though. Like going to the festival was. I cried and begged and told my Mum that I will never see MCR live so I NEED to see Gerard... but she didn't agree. She can speak for herself, her favourite band member from when she was a teenager kissed her on the lips... anyway. When FOB go on tour here (not for the festival) my Mum says I can go if I find someone who likes FOB. Which will be hard, because I need to find an adult and no adults I know like FOB. I'll have to bribe my Dad. Anyway, I'm ranting so I'll get on with it. Lol. I'm glad you like Darren now, because I never intended for people to hate him, even when he was a massive prick. Oh, and as for who I'm married to... well, let's name them. My main husband is Gerard Way. Then Duff McKagan from GN'R, Axl Rose from GN'R, Nikki Sixx and Tommy Lee from Motley Crue, Kurt Cobain & Dave Grohl from Nirvana/Foo Fighters, Brendon Urie, Billie Joe from Green Day, Robert Plant from Led Zeppelin, Jon Bon Jovi, David Lee Roth from Van Halen and Malcolm Young from AC/DC. Lol. They're not really my husbands. But I tell everyone that they are. Oh, and people aren't going to be acting their age next year, I don't think. Maybe in some ways... But sixth year is going to be hectic. I've come up with plot ideas, one which involves your OTP. Hint. I think you know whom I'm talking about XD sorry for this ridiculously long reply!
"And all the wounds that are never gonna scar me. For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me." ~ The Ghost of You by My Chemical Romance.
Chapter 48: Wounds That Will Never Scar
"This- this must be Sirius Black," I said quietly, examining the photograph, a little shocked. He had wavy black hair that fell to his shoulders in a majestic, refined way, deep grey eyes that had a haunted yet happy quality to them, and a smile so wide it looked as though it would split his face in half. I checked the back of the photo for writing, and the reason for his smile was confirmed: Sirius after he ran away from home. So that would make him sixteen, if I remember Andromeda's story from all those years ago correctly.
Andromeda. I knew this was a breach of her trust and privacy, but I remembered the photos I pocketed two weeks ago tonight, and my curiosity rekindled. There wasn't a chance Mum could catch Charlie and I looking at these letters: it was late at night, and we were keeping quiet. I still felt guilty, but I was just so curious about her past and my relatives. I have connections to Sirius Black, Bellatrix Lestrange and, of course, Narcissa. I wanted to know more about them. What they were like before the reputation I know them for was established.
Besides, what she doesn't know won't hurt her, right?
I acknowledged how hypocritical I was being: I don't like secrets being kept from me. But I ignored it. It wasn't that bad.
I looked at Charlie, who was frowning at the photo. Then he looked up at me.
"Smile, Maggie."
"Er, why?" I asked, confused.
"Just do it."
Still confused, I smiled. Charlie glanced at the photo I was holding once more and then looked back at me.
"You have the same smile."
I inspected the photo. I couldn't see it, but I'm not making note of my smile every day. I suppose it's not a bad thing: Sirius Black was a handsome man, in that aristocratic pureblood sense. But I don't want to share a smile with this man. He betrayed his best friends. He killed people. However, that was getting exceedingly harder to believe. How could a man with a smile like that commit such terrible crimes? I guess Looks can be deceiving.
I know why Mum kept this from Dora and I. It would probably make her question certain things. About her family, Sirius included. It probably brought up painful memories. So by looking at these with only Charlie as company, I'm sparing her from the pain, right?
"Let's see what comes next," I said. The next photo was of a woman, who for a moment, I thought was Mum. But then I noticed a few differentiating features. This woman had dark-brown curly hair, not light brown. She also had sharper, more refined features than my mother: sharp, high rising cheekbones and a strong jaw. Her eyes were a shade darker, and she held herself with more poise, more arrogance. I would say that she was around my age, maybe a little younger.
It was Bellatrix Lestrange.
I'm not entirely sure why, but the photo was making me feel strange inside. Like a horrible sense of déjà vu. In my mind's eye, I got a vision of a woman with an unearthly cackle. This wasn't unexpected; Narcissa told my family and me that I was in the care of Bellatrix Lestrange for a whole year before Narcissa and Lucius took over. I never really thought much of it until now. What would it have been like? Would I have been neglected of basic necessities? Would I have received any love? I couldn't remember any of it. I was only a year old when it happened. The vision of her cackling was my only recollection.
"So that's the woman who kidnapped you," Charlie said, the anger in his tone tangible. "I've seen pictures of her before, I think. When I was little and wanted posters were all around the place."
"You probably have," I said, putting the photo back in the pile. I didn't want to look at her anymore. She's the sole reason why I didn't grow up with my family. She's put so many people through misery, not just my family. She's murdered people. She's committed terrible crimes. For years, I've been so angry with my Aunt and Uncle for keeping me from my family, when really, Bellatrix is the one who caused all of it. I'm not saying that what my Aunt and Uncle did was right, but none of it would have happened if it wasn't for Bellatrix. Why did she do it? Narcissa said Bellatrix did it so that Andromeda would pay for her mistakes. But what mistakes? And why? So many people make mistakes. Maybe Andromeda did something to Bellatrix? Mum never said that she and Bellatrix had a bad relationship. She hasn't actually said anything about their relationship. If it was bad, she would have said something.
Narcissa also said that Bellatrix intended for me to be a weapon. That doesn't make too much sense to me. How would I be used as a weapon? I'm glad that with the Dark Lord vanquished and the majority of Death Eaters in Azkaban, I'll never find out.
"You two look alike as well," Charlie admitted, in a tone that indicated he was worried I would be offended. I wasn't. Bellatrix looked a lot like Andromeda, just darker. In the particular photo I just saw, she didn't look evil. Not yet, anyways. So yes, it was understandable that I looked like her. "You look a lot like your Mum, but you look like your Dad at the same time," he said thoughtfully. "But you also look like Black and Bellatrix. No offense."
"None taken," I said honestly. "Let's see what's next..."
The next picture was of Mum. She was standing next to Narcissa and Bellatrix, their parents standing behind them. It was an all too familiar type of photograph: stiff, astute, fake. I've been part of Malfoy family portraits before, after all.
Bellatrix was standing in the middle of her two other sisters. She looked around fourteen. She was smiling, and it reached her eyes, making them gleam almost evilly. Mum, who was standing on Bellatrix's right, looked quite alike to her older sister. But she looked a few years younger; her features were softer, her smile warmer. But it didn't reach her eyes, as if she understood that it was fake. Much like I did when I was younger. Narcissa was on Bellatrix's left. She looked like the odd one out compared to her two sisters: blonde-haired, blue-eyed and appearing to be much younger than her two older sisters. She looked innocent, as if she had no idea that her eldest sister would practically force her into raising her estranged sister's child. She would have thought she would have grown up like any pureblood would. Be sorted into Slytherin, marry her betrothed, have a child, settle down as a housewife. This all went to plan, except for where I came in.
I wonder what Bellatrix thought of her future. Did she know that she would become a Death Eater? Did she know that she would end up with a life sentence in Azkaban?
Andromeda would have known that she was different. She told me so that day I discovered the truth about my childhood. I wonder if she knew how things would really turn out.
She wouldn't have. None of them would have. They were young. They didn't have any real say in how their lives would turn out.
I glanced at their parents; my grandparents. My grandmother was evil looking. Elegant, beautiful, dark. Like Bellatrix. My grandfather on the other hand looked like Narcissa. Not evil and dark, but cold, aloof, proud. Honestly, he looked like a bit of a swan, with his blonde hair, long neck and pointed nose. I could see Draco in him. I quickly put the photo down. I didn't want to think about him at the moment. I know that pushing away my problems and worries won't make things easier to deal with, but it worked for me.
I turned to Charlie, who was looking at me with interest. "What is it?" I asked.
"These photos are bringing up weird thoughts for you, aren't they?" he said quietly.
"Yeah," I admitted. He smiled comfortingly, urging me to continue talking. Memories of Draco came rushing back to me. "I just... I don't miss how my life was. But these photos are just making me remember Draco, and how things used to be. It also makes me wonder... what would my life be like if I stayed with them?" I said quietly. "I know that I would be miserable. You just have to look at Mum and how she looks and you can see what life would be like. Would I be betrothed to someone? Would I eventually believe in pureblood supremacy, if I was lectured on it enough? Would I be like I am now, or would I be cruel?"
"You were put in Gryffindor because you were strong enough to fight against their ways," he said gently. "You would just be you no matter what."
I guess he had a point. Even when Lucius backed me into a corner in Knockturn Alley, I didn't give in, or beg for him to let me go. I said some pretty stupid things to him. I should have kept quiet; it would have made things easier. But that stubbornness is a part of my personality. Not even a near death situation changed that part of me.
I was aware and unashamed of my stubbornness. But the other trait I have that often sees the light is selfishness. That, I'm not so unashamed of. These pictures have made me realise a lot. I usually push Draco-related thoughts from my head. But it's hard when I realise how selfish I've been. I've condemned him to this life without love, or at least the sort of love I offered him.
But I remember what Mum and Dad said when I told them about the letter Narcissa sent. There will come a day when I can see him again without putting anyone in danger. I've had thoughts like this before, but they make me feel horrible every time. Not just for Draco. But for Mum. But for everyone who has had to live like they have.
I smiled at him before looking at the next photograph. It was of Andromeda, but it wasn't a picture of her with her old family. She must have accidentally put this photo in the wrong spot. It was one of her and Ted.
She had clearly taken it herself; it was slightly blurry. But from what I could see, I would guess that she and Dad were around sixteen. Our age. He was kissing her cheek and she was smiling as if she were the happiest girl in the world, as if she didn't have pureblood parents, as if she didn't know that she would be disowned in around a year's time. Ignorance is bliss.
I put the photo down, biting my lip. This was wrong. These photos were a part of Mum... curiosity be dammed, I shouldn't be looking at these pictures; I shouldn't be looking at these parts of Mum that she clearly doesn't want people seeing. Not just the pureblood her; the rebellious teen who fell in love with a muggleborn. She didn't show us these photos for a reason. I knew it all along that I was invading her privacy... funny how the photo I hadn't anticipated on seeing made me realise that.
"This is wrong," I said to Charlie, putting all the photos back in the zip lock bag. I wasn't even halfway through looking at them all, but I didn't care. I glanced at Charlie, who nodded.
"I hoped you'd realise it," he chuckled. "You don't like telling people about your past, when you were in a pureblood household... do you think Andromeda does? Of course not. When you were telling me about it that night in the library-" he started smiling at the memory of that night- "you glossed over the details."
He made a point, but my reasons were different to what I'm sure Mum's would be. "I miss Draco. That's why I don't go into it. It... hurts. Mum does it because her life with them was painful and unloving."
"So you think she doesn't miss them?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "Of course she would. She wouldn't miss her life, but she'd miss parts of them. Her siblings. Her parents. You can't just leave the people who raised you and forget about them, hate them. I can see that in you," he added quietly, eyes having a mysterious quality about them in the dim lighting. "I worry about that sometimes. How it affects you."
"It doesn't," I said quickly, acknowledging the truth in what he said but not commenting on it. I only miss Draco. The rest? Dead to me. I didn't want Charlie to be worrying about me, because I'm fine. As long as I don't think about Draco...
Because honestly? When I do think about him, whenever I wake up in the early hours of the morning, or when I'm alone... I usually cry about him. About how bitterly unfair everything is. But I guess I can't have everything. With Mum and Dad and Dora and Charlie, I'm happy. I wasn't with the Malfoys. But why can't I have the best of both worlds? Why can't I still see him, whilst not giving myself over to Lucius, who claimed that he would kidnap me any chance he had? It isn't possible. Not in this universe or point in time, anyway. I focused back on Charlie, blinking back tears. "I- I promise I'm okay with it. I've accepted that I can't see him anymore," I said, lying through my teeth. It was stupid to hope that Charlie wouldn't see through it.
"Liar," he said, smiling wryly. "You know, numbing the pain won't make it any easier to deal with."
I snorted. "And what book did you get that from?"
He grinned, seriousness disappearing. "I knew you'd say that." His grin faded a bit, being replaced by that serious look again. Damn. I thought I had distracted him. "But seriously. Take one look at you and anyone can see that there's something stopping you from being completely happy."
Ever since my first year, when Charlie told me straight up that I was being a selfish prat, I've always wondered what it is about him. How he knows me so well, how he can read me like a book... it's incredible but unnerving. I don't want to open up about Draco. Maybe numbing the pain of losing him wasn't a smart way to deal with it, but that's just how I deal with shit: I push it away. Well, most of the time.
Charlie pressed on. "I don't know anything about Draco's personality. I don't even know what sort of memories you have with him."
"And you want to know?" I asked. "Why does this matter to you so much? I don't want to talk about it."
"I want to know about him because he means a lot to you," he said gently, placing his hand on mine. "Look, you don't have to tell me about him. I get that you don't want to. But it's okay to be upset about him, and it's okay for you to tell someone about him. And it's okay if you don't. So if you ever want to..."
Charlie and I haven't had a serious conversation like this in ages. For a while, I think we were just caught up in our happiness. We still are. But he was my best friend before he was my boyfriend. The best friend who always knew when something was bothering me.
I took note of his expression. Blue eyes were burning into mine with such intensity it was as though he were looking into my soul. And in a way, he was, cliché as the phrase may be. Despite how happy I always was, he knew that something was always bothering me, whether I realised it or not. He knew what it was about, as well.
I keep my problems to myself. Lock them away, so that I don't have to think about it, and so I'm not bothering others with them. I mean, there is nothing worse than a whiner. Sure, I've told people – Dora, my parents, and of course, Charlie – about how I miss Draco, and how unfair it is that I can't see him. But I haven't told anyone the reason why I sometimes cry about him, not that anyone knows. The reason is I miss him. Simple and plain as it sounds, it's the reason. He was the one person whose thought or presence would make me feel better even on the worse of days, when I lived at Malfoy Manor. And now, he's not. If I think about him, I want to cry. That's not how it was. Not how it should be.
Glancing at Charlie's expression, my mind was made up. Maybe if I relive the happy memories – properly – the thought of him would still make me smile.
"Okay." I took a deep breath, giving him a shaky smile. "Alright. I remember the day he was born. I was ordered to stay in my room whilst the house elves helped deliver Aunt Cissy's child. Uncle Lucius stayed with her. I remember walking into Aunt's bedroom, and seeing him for the first time. He had white blonde hair and pale skin. I thought he was the cutest baby ever. The next day..."
I told Charlie everything. Every memory about Draco Lucius Malfoy I had. The good, the bad, the funny, the sad. It didn't matter. He didn't say a word; he just listened. I cried a lot. For the first time in my life, I wasn't ashamed of the tears, nor did I admonish myself for showing such displays of weakness. Charlie had never seen me cry like I did. And he'd also never seen me open up like I did.
But as I drifted off to sleep in Charlie's arms, I realised that it was okay to cry. It was okay to care about someone like I did for Draco. It was okay to open up about things I wasn't so comfortable with. If I didn't, the wounds would leave scars. I would forever associate Draco with the bad memories and horrible feelings that came with being forced apart.
Now that I'm not holding anything in, the wounds can heal.
It wasn't healthy to push away things and not deal with them. I always knew it, but it took someone to help me realise it and act on it. I thought I would feel awful after reliving every memory, happy or not. But instead, I feel as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. As if given time, I will be able to smile at the thought of him.
I woke up the next morning to sunlight streaming through the window. And wrapped in Charlie's arms. It was a nice way to wake up.
Charlie was extremely cute when he was asleep. He was smiling slightly, as if he were having a nice dream. I wonder what it's about.
"Hey, wake up," I whispered, shaking him lightly. If we didn't get up soon, Ted might catch us. Slowly, his slight smile turned into a wide grin, and he opened his eyes.
"Morning," he said, pulling my body against his in a hug. I smiled, remembering last night. I really did feel better after telling him all about Draco. My memories weren't secrets, but they were a personal, private part of me. But this was Charlie. My best friend. I was comfortable with him knowing. "Did you have a good sleep?"
"Yes," I replied, pulling away from the hug and kissing his cheek. I had a better sleep than usual. This was because of two things. I had told Charlie everything about Draco, and thus I felt free (and emotionally drained). The second reason for my unusually good sleep was Charlie sleeping with me. Not in that way.
"So how do you feel?" he asked, looking hopeful. He probably thought I felt a lot better about everything. And he was right.
"Really good," I said honestly. "Thank you," I added. He knew exactly what I was thanking him for.
"Maggie, it's no problem," he said lightly, grinning. "Your cousin... I've heard a lot of bad things about Lucius, but I don't think Draco's like that. Ron starts Hogwarts the same year as Draco, maybe I can ask if he'd befriend him? Percy will be a fifth year, and a Prefect no doubt, so he'll look out for him. I'm sure the twins will give him a chance as well. Just because you are raised by pureblood bigots, doesn't mean that you are one, after all." He smiled and kissed my forehead. "You're proof of that, and Ron and Percy and the twins will see that."
"You'd... you'd really ask them to do that?" I asked, becoming a little choked up at how bloody sweet he was being. He doesn't just care about my wellbeing and happiness; he cares about the wellbeing and happiness of the people I love. That means a lot to me. It also shows a lot about his personality. What sort of person he is.
"Of course!" he said, eyes burning with love. "I'll personally make sure that he has good friends and that he's okay. Look at his father – he's abusive and cruel, even to his own son. I don't want Draco to turn out like that. A little bit of love can go a long way – and yes, I did get that from a book," he added, grinning. I returned it, mind reeling. How was it that I ended up with someone like Charlie? He isn't perfect, far from it, but he's perfect for me. He didn't just understand me; he understood what I believed in, he understood what I wanted for people. He understood my motives for choices I make, stupid or wise. And I understood him as well.
"Charlie," I began, smiling but feeling a little nervous. "I think I might just l-"
Just as I was about to tell him that crazy thought I've been having, Dora burst through the door.
Congratulations, Dora. You win a prize for being the best at ruining moments.
"Crap, I knew you'd be in here, Charlie. You might wanna get out. Dad is wondering why Maggie is sleeping in so late, and why you are too... Mum's distracted him, but it's only a matter of time. Are you dressed, or-"
"Yes!" I said quickly, getting out from under the covers and proving it to her. She grinned.
"Good. For a second I was worried that you weren't, and then Dad would possibly kick Charlie in the-"
"Got it," Charlie said, looking a little uneasy. He turned to me, adding in an undertone, "if I'm not murdered by Ted, we'll finish talking later, yeah?"
"Yeah," I replied, smiling. His eyes were twinkling, as if he knew what I was about to say before Dora rudely – but thankfully, if what she said was true – interrupted. I think he does know. And I think he feels the same way. He grinned and kissed my cheek, before walking out and saying, "if I die at the hands of Ted, I'll haunt you in my death."
I grinned. "Sounds great."
Even as he had left, I was still grinning. When Dora noticed this, she raised an eyebrow and went to sit next to me. "You're happy this morning," she said thoughtfully. "Did you and Charlie shag last night and you just got dressed to avoid suspicion?"
"No," I said, grinning at her ridiculous suggestive eyebrow waggle. "I'll tell you all about it later."
She scrunched up her nose. "Ew! I don't want the details."
"I just said we didn't shag," I reminded her. "I'll tell you why I'm in a good mood later on." I don't think it will be as hard and emotionally draining as telling Charlie was. I think the second time will be a bit easier. It might make me feel even better than I do now. Dora's my sister. We share everything with each other, and she deserves to know this.
"Alright," she said, giving me a wide and sincere smile. "But... er, I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but Mum came into your room earlier to check on you, and she spotted some of her photos." Dora looked around and spotted them quickly: they were on my bedside table. "And she wants to talk to you."
I bit my lip. Even though I realised how wrong it was last night, it didn't change the fact that I invaded her privacy. It didn't burst my bubble, but I was expecting to have a harsh talking to. I knew I would be caught, somehow. I smiled wryly. "I guess I deserve that."
Next chapter will be the last chapter of the holidays. But when that will be up, I don't know. High school starts tomorrow and I have no idea if I'll be very busy or not. But the school gives each student a modern and really good laptop so I'll be writing fanfiction a lot more. It's so much more practical than writing on my computer, which I can't carry anywhere. So yeah, updates will be more often than they would be if I didn't have a laptop, but they probably won't be every two days or whatever I've been doing. There will possibly be four days between each update, but I'll make sure each chapter is a decent length.
I hope you all have a great day, and until a few days time,
So long and goodnight.
Who gets that reference? XD
