A short while earlier...
Stefan's eyes snapped open fast. He sat up quickly in bed and looked around. It was all quiet. No one was around. The last thing he remembered was feeding on Katherine. He had his fangs deep in her neck and all he had thought of was how good Every. Ounce. of her blood felt. He could taste the human blood in her system and the blood felt like it was strengthening his very weak body.
But she was no where to be seen. Had he killed her? Had he sucked her dry? He was scared of what he could do when he could barely think straight and how hard it was to control himself. What if it had been Elena? He needed to know that she was okay. Where was everyone?
He swung his legs out to the side of the bed and took a deep breath, hoping he had enough strength to stand. He still felt wet and could smell his own blood on his hoodie. He stood up shakily and leaned heavily on the dresser and then the wall as he stumbled to the doorway.
Once he was in the hall, he looked around and saw the door to Jeremy's room open. He inhaled sharply and wasn't sure he wanted to know who was in there. Elena and his brother had been in there making love before.
That knowledge was ingrained in his head. Their moans and gasps and all the deeply emotional things they had said to each other. He would not soon forget or maybe ever. That had been the last nail in the coffin that had been his relationship with the only girl he had ever truly loved.
If he had not been so close to his own death he would not know how to go on from here. But he knew he did not have much time left. He could feel the bite all the way down his arm and almost to his shoulder and he nearly cried out every time the fabric from his clothes brushed one way or the other.
He leaned against the wall and walked further out into the hall. He wondered if his super hearing was starting to fail him as it seemed the rest of his body was. It was only once he was all the way by the top of the stairs that he heard voices downstairs. It sounded like Elijah was on the phone in the living room and he could just barely make out Damon and Elena's voices further away. He couldn't tell what they were talking about, but he was relieved that at least she sounded okay.
He dragged himself back down the hall and knowing they were downstairs then decided to peek in the other bedroom. It was dark in the room, the curtains closed. He blinked a few times thinking he was also losing his night vision.
The damn bite was stripping him of everything!
Squinting harder he could just make out a person laying on the bed, curled up. It looked like it was Katherine. He could see her chest moving up and down slowly in sleep.
So he hadn't killed her. He was not sure if that was good or bad news. She was a sociopath and did not deserve to live after all she had done. He was debating going into the room and finishing her off when he felt another sharp pain in his stomach and bent over biting back a scream wanting to be let free.
Leaning on the wall he made it back to the bathroom and knelt by the sink and splashed water up in his face to cool the raging fever. He soaked his hair under the spray and then stood back up with both hands gripping the edge of the sink.
He lifted his head to the mirror and just stared at his reflection. He barely even recognized himself! The man looking back at him looked years older and that was not even possible. His skin was sagging and his cheeks were so sunken in. He was sweating profusely and his eyes looked glassy and the palest green he had ever seen. He looked like he had lost weight even with the t shirt and hoodie on him still.
He blinked thinking he must just be hallucinating his hellish appearance but when he opened his eyes the same almost clear green eyes were looking back at him, his skin so pale.
God, what the hell else could happen?
He already felt like his insides were being ripped apart nearly every time he breathed. He debated taking off his hoodie and shirt to get the horrible garments to stop scratching at his bite, but he still hadn't told Elena about it so he opted to keep them on.
Did he seriously want to tell her? Could he even find the strength too? She had already been through so much.
But could he die this way...with her thinking he had cheated on her with Katherine of all people? Did he really want her to remember him that way?
He splashed more water on his face and slicked his hair back letting the water back down soothing the heat on his skin. He doubled over in pain again leaning against the sink grunting and growling silently at the insane pain in the stomach.
It hurt so much! It was like his insides were trying to get out of him.
He gagged and felt more blood in his throat. He barely made it to the toilet before he spurted more thick red blood from his mouth. Some even came out his nose and he gasped for air.
Stefan lay his head on the cool porcelain for a few minutes and just wanted to let go and cry. He sniffled back the tears in the corners of his eyes and fought to stand back up.
He was actually scared of dying. He thought when it did happen it would be quick and painless. A sharp, fast stake to the heart and he would be gone from this world. Not a slow, dragged out, hellish illness.
This was too much for him to take, especially after everything in the tomb yesterday.
He wished Elena was there holding him. He needed her.
He missed his mother right now in that moment more than he had ever missed her. He wanted his mother. He longed for her gentle and loving touch, for her to wrap her arms around him and hold him and keep him safe from all the dangers of the world. He needed someone to take care of him, to be strong for him.
Fighting this alone was so hard and he just wanted it to be over.
Then he grunted and groaned, fighting to stand back up, pulled himself along the wall back to the bedroom and he fell back onto the bed. He was shivering now too besides being hot. His sleeve had ridden up just a bit as he had been leaning over the toilet and could see the edge of how far the bite had spread. Damn, the skin was so torn and peeling away like his body was disintegrating while he was still alive!
He reached down to pull the covers back up over him and he saw the blankets moving up by themselves!
Breathing rapidly he turned to look beside him and saw Lexi pulling the covers up over his shivering body! He drew in a gasping breath seeing her "Lexi!"
"Hey sweetie," she smiled at him and tucked the blankets under his chin and stroked his cheek tenderly, motherly, like he would imagine his mother would be doing if she was here right now.
It was like some higher power heard his desperate longing for his mother right now and sent his precious Lexi to him.
She tucked the blankets around him tighter by his legs and torso to stop the shivering. "Shh, save your strength tough guy." she smiled down at him, her long blonde hair hair flowed down her back. She wore a dark gray leather jacket and a dark navy tight top underneath and skinny jeans. She was stroking his head, running her fingers through his sweat soaked hair. She shifted on the bed leaning closer to him and kissed his forehead. "You need to rest."
"I missed you so much," he choked out reaching for her and she wrapped her arms around him. "I need you. I've made a mess of everything. Elena hates me. I'm lying to her, and I don't know what to do!" He was sobbing quietly in her arms. "I'm dying Lex!"
"I know hon. I'm so sorry," she whispered back to him and pulled back to look into his eyes. "What can I do?"
Stefan sat up more, looking around the room. He was still in Elena's room in the cabin, he wasn't dead. He thought at first that he had passed over and was already on the other side. "How..how are you even here?" he mumbled to his best friend.
She smiled again, stroking his cheek again. "I'm here, cause you want me to be here. You said it yourself, you are dying. The werewolf bite is messing with your head. I could feel your pain and could see you struggling and wanting so desperately for you not to be alone right now."
"So I'm imagining you?" He looked back at her sadly sniffling. "What can I do? I don't want to die like this? I don't want her to hate me, but I don't want her to hurt anymore either." He hugged his best friend tightly to him again and put his head back down on her shoulder. "I didn't want her to watch me die!" he cried into her neck.
"I know, I know," she soothed him rubbing his back up and down. "But sweetie, you have to tell her the truth."
He sat back up looking in her eyes again, shaking his head. "She doesn't deserve more pain. She thinks I already slept with Katherine and I didn't deny it. I thought it was her the shower and I wanted her so badly Lex. We had been through so much and I just wanted to love her and show her it was going to be okay but I screwed everything up! This damn bite screwed everything up!
And now she is with Damon. She loves Damon and I lost her."
Lexie sat up straighter and narrowed her eyes at her best friend. Stefan was so sweet and so pure of heart. That was why she loved him so much. Why she poured her life into him to teach him to fight all the bad parts of being a vampire. His compassion and guilt hurting anyone was so hard on him. He felt everyone else's pain so strongly.
"I'm so sorry sweetie. I know how much you love Elena. I was there when you first discovered that you loved her remember?"
He nodded at her remembering her visiting him on his birthday. "I miss you so much!" He leaned back in and she opened her arms to him and he cried against her shoulder. "I have made so many mistakes Lex. I needed you to be there for me, like you had been my whole life. I hated Damon for killing you. I hated that you left me!"
"I know Baby, I know. But I am right here. And I will be right there to meet you when you cross over. You will not be alone over there. But you cannot leave things like this. Not with Elena and not with your brother either and you know it."
She knew she sounded stern like a mother but that was what he needed to hear now. Her heart was breaking for him and she wished there was more that she could do. She held him tightly, rocking him back and forth like he was a little child as he sobbed.
They both had always been able to be real and vulnerable with each other, He was the best friend she had ever had. She knew he felt safe with her to let go and not have to be strong. She knew he could finally feel for himself in her arms and not feel for everyone else in his life when he put other's needs over his own like it was nothing to him.
Right now he was putting Elena's needs ahead of his own too when she knew that if he admitted it he was dying to tell her what was happening to him and how much he wanted her to be there for him. But he was protecting her.
Always thinking of her first.
But this time what he thought she needed and what Lexi knew what the right thing were two different things . She needed to get through to him to fix this. He could not just curl up and die alone...not the way he had left things with the girl he loved and the only family he had left.
She lifted his head off her shoulder and wiped the tears from his eyes. She looked deeply at him holding his head in her hands. "Stefan you can't die like this. You know you can't. And I won't let you. You will suffer with so much guilt from not telling her...forever. You will watch her from the other side thinking you spared her, but you will see her believing you died cheating on her with Katherine. That you failed her."
Stefan sniffled, nodding in understanding. He knew she was right about everything. She was always right. She was so strong and was always there for him.
She had dedicated her life to bringing him back from the darkness he had found himself in when he had turned and Damon had left him after he forced him to turn with him. She brought him back from the blood lust and the evil and the temptation to take innocent lives or to turn it off. He needed to listen to her.
"I will. I will" he whispered. "I just want her to be happy...with Damon. He can take care of her and keep her safe from Klaus. "But I don't want to die with her not knowing how much I love her and would never hurt her like that. That I wouldn't leave if I had a choice. I need her to know that."
Lexi smiled stood up and let go of his hand. "That is what I wanted to hear. Now go do that, before it is too late."
Stefan smiled back at her weakly. And then he sat up fast seeing her fading away. She was getting harder and harder to see. He blinked thinking it was just his eye sight but each time he blinked she faded more.
"No Lexi, don't go!" he cried out standing up fast trying to reach for her and he felt the blood rush to his head. But she slowly was backing away from him, still smiling.
"You are going to be okay sweetie. I know it. Just tell her and make your peace with Damon too. He cares about you so much underneath all that arrogant macho crap. He deserves to know too that you are okay with him and Elena together. And you know you need to apologize for how you have treated him in the past."
He nodded again seeing her fading more and her figure getting hazy.
"Hang in there hon. I will be here when you get here. Just hang on a bit longer. Fight the pain. Fight the blood lust...I believe in you. I've always believed in you. Never forget that."
He startled awake from his hallucination, panting hard, looking around for her but she was gone. He wanted to just curl back up in a ball and just die already but he knew she was right. He had to talk to them one last time. He needed to leave this world with no regrets as hard as it would be to tell her or to apologize to Damon.
But he could do it.. For Lexi, for Elena and for Damon. He could fight and be strong just a little longer.
