(Woa guys. I completely bailed out for a few months! I'm so sorry! I had a horrible writer's block about this chapter for some reason, and it took me forever to make myself sit down and write it. But it's finally done! And hopefully this will get my muse working again. Enjoy!)

(Also, I'm about to post a VERY steamy fic I wrote during my absence. It involves JJ, Will, Emily, and very little clothing. So if that sounds like something you'd like, feel free to check it out haha)

When the plane touched down in Sacramento, it felt like I had landed in a different world. Pennsylvania was still huddled under dark storm clouds, the days continually cold and windy. Outside of my window, however, everything was bathed in sunshine. I could hardly wait to get off the plane.

I spotted Kate from across the terminal and ran towards her. She saw me and did the same, our arms flinging around each other as we collided.

"Oh my god! I can't believe you're actually here!" she squealed.

I laughed breathlessly. "I know! When my mom gave me the tickets, I felt like I was dreaming." We pulled back and stared at each other for a second. Kate's hair was longer than when she had moved, and she had more freckles across her nose. But one look at her giggly eyes told me she was still the girl I had grown up with.

"Let's go get your stuff!" I followed her towards the luggage carousel.

"Where are your parents?"

"Oh, work stuff. My mom took off several days later in the week so she could hang out with us, but today it's just me."

"Wait so you're going to drive us home?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"What? I'm a good driver!" I smirked at her. "Okay, so I have a tiny little habit of going the wrong direction down one way streets. That only happened a few times, and we didn't die!"

I snorted. "If you were that bad in Erie I can't wait to see you drive here in California."

"I'll have you know that Californian policemen are much more understanding about those kind of things."

"Mm hm. And I'm sure it doesn't hurt that you don't have the Wonder Twins hidden away under heavy sweaters and coats."

She pressed a hand to her cheek in mock outrage. "I would never use the fact that I'm well-endowed to get out of trouble!" We both kept a straight face for as long as we could before breaking into giggles. Kate, like Penelope, had been blessed with giant boobs at a fairly young age. She had quickly learned that a few giggles and a low cut shirt could be used to ease her through tight spots.

My suitcase came by and I grabbed it. "Alright, let's go."

She grabbed my hand and squeezed it as we walked out of the airport. "We're going to have so much fun, Jayje. It's going to be great!"

Xxx

That night after dinner we stayed up talking until nearly 11. I was still on East coast time, where it was nearly two, and my eyes had begun to itch and water. We shut out the lights and settled underneath her comforter, shoulder to shoulder, staring up into the darkness.

"Are you okay?" she asked quietly. I sighed, but I wasn't surprised. I knew she had been wanting to ask me about it since she saw me in the airport, but had been holding back.

"Yeah. I… I don't know if okay is the right word. It's been rough."

"I'm sure." We lay in silence, listening to each other's breathing. "I just… Why didn't you tell me? We've never kept secrets."

"I know, Kate I was just…" I took a deep breath. "I don't know. Believe me, every single person in my life, my Mom, Mark, Travis, teachers, my therapist… They all want to know why I didn't tell. And I don't have an answer. I wish I had one, maybe then… Maybe it would make me feel a little less guilty."

"Guilty?"

"I don't know. For letting it happen as long as it did."

"Jayje, you didn't let-"

"I know. It's just…" I groaned. "I'm not a little kid. I knew it was wrong, I knew I needed to tell someone, but I couldn't. I was so scared. I didn't want anyone to know, I was scared about what people would say. I didn't want to hurt my family. And… I didn't want to lose my dad. Is that crazy? Even after… After everything, he was still my dad. 90% of the time he was wonderful. So I did everything I could to cut off what was happening. I hid it, did everything to protect the secret… protect him." The words poured out of me, the darkness making me feel safe. "I wish I could go back to that first night and change it all. I'd call my mom, I'd call the police. But I can't. I can't."

She turned onto her side and wrapped an arm around me. "I'm sorry."

"Thanks," I whispered softly. I let my eyes fall shut, relishing in having my best friend beside me again, and slowly drifted off to sleep.

Xxx

The following days were packed with activities. Kate's mom, Gina, took us to tour UC Davis and UC Berkeley. We had a great time hanging out on the college campuses, taking the tours and thinking about prospective majors. Wednesday she took us to San Francisco, and we had a blast exploring Chinatown and riding the cable cars. I took pictures and sent them to my parents, Will, and Penelope, the latter sending back a flurry of emojis. Once we were back in Sacramento, we joined up with Kate's dad to watch the Sacramento Kings play the Miami Heat, gorging ourselves on soda and hot dogs as we cheered on the basketball team.

I was in a great mood when we headed to bed, not thinking about anything other than the amazing day we'd had. However, this didn't stop the terrible twisted visions of my father coming for me in my sleep. I woke up from the nightmare screaming. It scared Kate awake beside me and her mom came dashing in a few moments later. I couldn't help the tears as they began to fall. Gina sat on the edge of the bed and pulled me close.

This was hardly the first time I'd had a nightmare while spending the night with Kate; in the first year following Ros's death, I was lucky if I could make it more than three nights without waking up crying and drenched in sweat, and Kate's parents had been completely understanding. Gina spoke to my mom about the best thing to do for me when it happened, and over time they slowly became less frequent.

But we all knew that Ros was not the reason I was crying, and it made me cry even harder. Gina stroked my hair and let me cry myself out. Once I had calmed down, she got me a glass of water from the bathroom, and then returned to her room, pulling the door closed behind her.

Kate tightly held my hand as I took several shuddering breaths.

"I'm sorry I woke everyone up."

She laid her head on my shoulder. "Don't apologize, JJ. You can't control it."

"I'm just ready to be completely normal, y'know?"

"Are any of us really normal?" she asked teasingly.

I gave her a small smile as we settled back below the blankets and she turned out the lights.

Xxx

My last day there, Kate drove us a few hours to the nearest beach. Even though it was thirty degrees warmer than Pennsylvania, the water was still much too cold to get in, so we hung out on the boardwalk instead, eating ice cream and laughing about every little thing. We had been there for a few hours when a couple of boys our age approached us.

"Hey," one of them said, the other merely nodding. Kate and I made knowing eye contact and tried not to laugh.

"Hi," she answered. "Can we help you?"

"Well, we saw you down here and thought we would come say hello." He was shorter than his friend, but was broad and muscular. "I'm David, and this is Scott." He smiled at both of us, but his eyes were mainly focused on Kate.

"Well it's nice to meet you David. I'm Kate. Does your friend talk?" They both laughed.

"Yeah, sorry. I'm Scott." He was tall and lanky, with blondish brown hair that he kept nervously pushing away from his face. He smiled at me shyly before looking back at the ground.

"I'm JJ."

"Would you girls want to hang out? We could go see a movie or grab a bite?"

Kate reached out and touched his shoulder as she fluttered her eyelashes flirtatiously. "You know, any other time that would sound great David, but this is actually JJ's last day in town before she flies out tomorrow."

"Rotten luck dude. But… maybe I could grab your number?"

Kate smiled at David. "Yeah. Sure." She grabbed a pen out of her bag and took his hand, writing it on his palm.

I noticed Scott looking at me hopefully. "Sorry, I… I live in Pennsylvania. And I have a boyfriend."

His face flushed. "Cool, cool…"

"Well, hopefully I'll see you around, Kate." David gave her a quick grin before turning away. We held our breath as they retreated, before breaking into giggles again.

"Aw Jayje, you could have just given it to him, he looks like a sad puppy!"

I laughed. "Kate, I'm not just giving my number out to strangers. Besides, I really do have a boyfriend, remember?"

"What he doesn't know won't hurt him!" I gave her look and she rolled her eyes with a wide smile. "Alright, alright fine. How is Mr. Tall, dark, and handsome, anyway?"

"He's good!" I pulled my hair back into a ponytail as the breeze began to pick up. "As wonderful as ever."

"Have you guys had sex?"

"Kate! No!"

She began to laugh before a guilty look crossed her face. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't…" She shook her head. "I'm sorry."

"Hey you're fine, you didn't… I'm not upset."

She looked out across the water as we began walking back to her car. "Is it… weird to think about that kind of stuff?"

I thought about it for a second. "Um… Kind of? I don't know. It's not so much talking about sex. But sometimes when we're like kissing and stuff I can get a little panicky. I've actually gotten a lot better about it. For a while I didn't want him to kiss me or even really touch me. But now… Therapy has helped. I'm better about separating the two things apart."

"Do you think you guys will?"

I shrugged. "Honestly, who knows? I like him a lot, though."

"Do you loooooooove him?" she teased, making me laugh.

"God, I… I don't even know what love is anymore." The words hung in the air between us, coming out much heavier than I had intended. "I didn't… Sorry. I didn't mean to get so morbid."

"That's okay." She shook her hair out of her eyes.

"Did I tell you that Travis is thinking about proposing to his girlfriend?" I asked, changing the subject.

"What? No!"

"Yeah! He's completely head over heels for her. It's adorable, and honestly a little pathetic."

"Well, there goes my chance to join your family!" Ever since we were little, Kate had always had a crush on Travis, and had joked that one day they would get married. "Do you like her?"

I nodded. "Yeah! Grace is great. She… She keeps him in line, y'know?"

Kate laughed. "Well God knows Travis needs it."

"You have no idea." I stopped her as we got to the parking lot. "Hey. Thanks for this week. It's been… Honestly I didn't realize how badly I needed it until I was away from everything."

Kate smiled. "Good. I'm glad."

We got into her car. "You'll have to come visit this summer."

She groaned as she reversed out of her spot without checking behind her, nearly hitting a car in the process. She pulled forward again, waving sheepishly at them in her rearview mirror. "Why would I give up the beach for Pennsylvania?"

"Because I'm your best friend." I gave her shoulder a gentle shove. "And also so you can meet Mr. Tall, dark, and handsome in person."

"Ooh… Well maybe I will! I'll have my people call your people."

I laughed, staring out at the beach as we drove away. "Sounds like a plan."