Chapter 51
Rowan's Point of View
With hands shaking I pulled my cell phone out of my back pocket and quickly dialed Jax's number. He didn't answer on the first try so I called again.m, willing him to pick up. I squeezed my eyes shut as if that would make a difference. "Hey, baby. I'm kinda in the middle of it."
"Jax, you need to come home. Now." I said, unable to hide that my voice was shaking. My entire body was trembling standing in the middle of Abel's destroyed nursery. "What is it?" Jax questioned, suddenly realizing the urgency in my voice.
"Come home." I pleaded. "I'm on my way." He said, then he hung up.
Slipping my phone back into my pocket robotically I looked down at the very graphic photograph I clutched in my hands of Jax and some skank from Nevada. It felt like someone was beating my heart with a baseball bat. It pounded painfully in my chest. How could he do that? Everything he told me was a lie wasn't it? He's not capable of being with one woman.
Rage coursed through my veins and wrapped around my bones like poisonous vines. I crumpled the picture in my hand and smoothed it out several times taking deep breaths. Tears threatened to make an appearance, but I held them back. I wasn't going to give Jax or Jerry the satisfaction.
"You wanna tell me what the hell is going on?" Gemma snapped angrily beside me.
I looked at her out of the corner of my eye and opened my mouth to say something, but ended up closing it and opening it again. It was like I turned into a fish. The words just wouldn't come out and I stood there gaping.
Gemma gave me an 'I'm waiting' face and placed her hand on her jutted out hip. "This have anything to do with your ATF landlord?"
"Yes." I nodded my head as I spoke slowly. Gemma nodded her head and it was like I could see the gears in her head turning and shifting into place. "He's why you were eyeing the gun in the office. That's who you were afraid of…" She didn't ask me so much as stated a fact.
"Yes." I swallowed the lump in my throat and felt a tear slide down my cheek. This was wrong. All of it was so wrong. How did my life turn into this? Where did I go wrong? Did I do something to make this asshole think I wanted him? Will it ever end?
Gemma's face softened ever so slightly as she stepped forward and placed a hand on my shoulder. "He touch you?" She stared me in the eye, waiting for me to answer. I knew what she was insinuating. Had he attacked me. "No, he hasn't." I breathed out, as a few more tears fell.
"Jax know about this?" She interrogated. I nodded my head feeling my stomach churning and chest tightening. It felt like I couldn't breath.
I felt myself cracking as I stood there in front of Gemma. I looked at Abel's room and down at the picture of my boyfriend screwing some other girl and an unintelligible sound escaped from me. I placed a hand over my mouth as Gemma pulled me against her chest. I cried into her shoulder as she wrapped her arms around me and held me just like my mom would have. Thinking of my mom only made me cry harder.
I didn't know how long we stayed like that. An eternity maybe? But we broke apart when we heard the sound of Jax's bike in the driveway. It shut off and on a few seconds he was bursting through the front door. "Rowan?" He called out, making his way down the hallway.
He paused in the doorway taking in the sight of his sons room. Jax walked in slowly, clenching his jaw shut. The muscles in his jaw tightened and flexed like they door when he's pissed off. "That son of a bitch." He mumbled darkly under his breath, shaking his head.
"ATF did this because of her?" Gemma hissed, looking at Jax. He paced around the room until he was standing by the door again. "Yeah, and it'll be the last fucking thing he does."
"Are you okay?" Jax asked, stepping towards me and reaching out to hold my hand. I pulled away from him involuntarily shaking my head violently. How could be okay? How could I ever be okay again? "No, I'm far from okay." I snapped. I glanced at the picture still in my hand and slammed it into his chest as I stormed out of the bedroom.
I headed straight for the patio noticing the broken glass on the screen door as I slammed it shut. So that's how he got inside? The glass crunched under my sneakers as I walked towards the empty pull. I placed my hands on my knees and lowered my head feeling the panic attack I was having getting worse.
The sliding glass door opened and shut with a whir and I knew Jax was behind me. I felt his hand touch my shoulder and whirled around to face him, pushing his hand away. I'm a colossal idiot. "Don't! Don't touch me!"
"Rowan, let me explain!" He tried to touch me again and I stepped away from him. It was like his touch was the enemy now and I hate it. I hated this sick feeling. "Explain? Explain what? There's nothing to explain! I mean a picture is worth a thousand fucking words, Jax!"
He looked like he was in pain as he stared at me with those crystal blue eyes. His features were contorted and he shook his head swallowing hard. "It's not what you think. I mean, yes I slept with her. But it wasn't like that. Okay? I wasn't into it."
I scoffed crossing my arms over my chest. "You looked pretty into it to me." I snapped wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. Jax looked at me apologetically and I had to look away because I couldn't handle it. I felt my heart breaking into little pieces.
"Listen. Listen to me," Jax pleaded, stepping forward and taking my face in his hands. I tried everything to pull away but in the end he won. I avoided making eye contact with him as he pressed his forehead against mine. I could smell his breath; a mixture of gum and cigarette smoke. "It didn't mean anything. She didn't mean anything. It happened before we even became what we are."
"Is that supposed to make it okay? If it didn't mean anything why didn't you tell me about it?" I realized maybe now that he made me remember it happened before we became a thing I was overreacting just a little bit. But why lie?
Jax sighed and continued to hold my face in his hands. "I didn't tell you because it would have hurt you and I didn't want to hurt you. I swear to god it didn't mean shit and won't happen again." He tried to reassure me and ease my mind, but it wasn't working.
"I don't believe you." I pulled out of his grasp and looked up at him through blurry eyes. "I can't do…"
"Don't do this. Don't walk away from me over this." Jax pleaded, he was scrambling for any reason he could to make me stay and hear him out. I wanted to leave. I wanted to go home. I wanted my mom. All things I couldn't have.
I was so stupid. "I would have rather taken a blow and known the truth than to have to find out like this."
"I'm sorry, darling." Jax drawled. He grabbed my hands and pulled me close as tears streamed down my face. His hands slid up my arms and settled on caressing my neck. He looked at me through red eyes and said, "I'm sorry. You have to believe me. It meant nothing. It was stupid. I know I fucked up. That's what I do. I fuck up. I knew I had a good thing and I screwed up."
My head was spinning like a record. It felt like every part of my life was exploding at the same time. All I wanted to do was run and duck for cover. "I can't do this with you." I all but whispered.
"Don't say that!" Jax tried again. He brushed his lips against mine and every part of me came to life even though it felt like I was dying. "This is what he wants. He wants us apart."
I did this to myself. I turned Jerry on Jax and now his sons nursery is in shambles. I put them both in danger.
"I'm gonna end this." He said sternly looking into my eyes. I pulled his hands away from my face and took a few tentative steps back away from him even though each step was killing me.
"I can't do this."
Jax's Point Of View
I watched Rowan back away from me and felt my chest tightening. I was losing her. It was killing me to see her this way. She's never looked at me the way she is right now. Hurt. Anger. Regret. Her eyes were full of it all. She was never supposed to find out about that chick in Nevada.
"Don't give him what he wants, Ro." I told her. "This ends today." I watched her hide her face behind her hands as she cried. "I know you're pissed at me for this but please don't make any decisions yet. Let me go handle this and then we can talk more." I tried to bargain with her, wanting nothing more than to hunt that ATF shithead down and beat the living shit out of him for this. He broke into my home. He went after my girl. And he trashed my kids room. This wasn't going to go unchecked. Not for a second.
"There's nothing to talk about." Rowan said, shrugging her shoulders.
"Stay here with my mom." I said, kissing her forehead briskly. "Please don't give up on us." I whispered in her ear before stepping away from her. Her eyes met mine briefly and for a minute I believed I could fix this.
I scratched the back of my neck and looked at the cracked concrete we were standing on. Turning on my heel I stormed back into the house, slamming the back door shut as I went.
"What the hell are you gonna do about this." My mother questioned as I made my way towards the front door. "He's dead." I told her my voice cold. "At least." She snapped back as I went out the front door.
I sat down on my bike and pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed Hale. He picked up on the third ring. "Kohn still in town." I hissed remembering him saying he'd handle the situation. Obviously he didn't do shit. "I know. He's at Floyd's now, I'm handling it." I hung up the phone and jammed it back in my pocket then started my bike and tore out of the driveway heading straight for Floyd's barbershop.
As I rode I thought about Rowan. I wasn't gonna let this asshole ruin us. Normally I wouldn't give a shit about losing some chick. But this was different. Everything about Rowan was different. Normally I wasn't the kind of guy to fight for a girl. If they wanted to break up with me it wasn't a big deal because I had a replacement waiting. As shitty as it sounds. I never went after Tara when she left charming. But Rowan was worth fight for. I never wanted to be normal with her…because fuck. The words Id said to Tara earlier echoed in my mind…I loved her. I was in love with her…
I beat Hale to Floyd's. I parked my bike and walked inside, the chimes above the door jangled as I passed through. "You know Floyd, I'm really gonna miss this place." Jerry said as he sat in the barbers chair getting a hot shave. I gave Floyd a look and he stepped away from Jerry.
Jerry opened his eyes as I walked up beside him. Before the words, "Oh, shit," could leave his mouth I had him yanked out of the chair shoved up against the mirror lining the wall. He flailed and pushed against me trying to break free from my grasp. "You wanna go to war with me asshole?" I yelled, as my heart pounded wildly inside my chest. I was running on pure adrenaline. Heat coursed through my veins as I pulled him away from the mirror and shoved him through the main plate glass window of Floyd's shop.
Glass flew everywhere as Jerry went through the window landing on the sidewalk outside with a loud groan and thud. I through the broke window and grabbed Kohn by the collar and swung my fist. It collided and tremors went through my hand radiating pain, but I didn't care and I didn't stop hitting him. Blood poured out of his nose and lip. I felt a searing pain in my thigh and yelled out in pain. I looked down to see that the fucker had stabbed me with a pair of scissors. My fist collided with his jaw. His nose. His eye.
I could hear the sirens in the distance and knew someone had called the cops.
A/N: Thank you so much for all of the reviews you guys have left me! Your excitement over this story only totally makes my day! I mean I wish I could hug you all! Thanks for always being here even when no one else is! Xoxo –Jenn
