191 st day of our journey. Chameleon Bay, late afternoon.
The Avatar's state is largely unchanged and his vital signs remain very weak. However, they are stable and have not worsened.
Most of the men stay on shore in tents but some are aboard the ships trying to fix the damage.
At dawn, two strangers were caught trying to steal our ships' supplies from tent they had temporarily been placed in. They were The Duke and Pipsqueak, Freedom Fighters from Jet's old gang. They were on their way to Ba Sing Se when they heard rumours that it had fallen in Fire Nation hands, and decided otherwise.
I heard the muffled commotion on the beach, where the men's tents were pitched, in the early hours of the morning. I had finally fallen into an exhausted sleep by Aang's side yet woke up immediately when I heard the men shouting. I roused Sokka, who was asleep on some tarpaulin bundles in a corner.
'Stay here. I'll go see what's up,' he told me as he hurried to go on deck.
I ran after him, but could see nothing on shore except a huddle of men, faces up-lighted by the campfires. They all seemed to be wearing Water Tribe blue, so I knew it couldn't have been an ambush. Sokka clambered down to the ship's tender and rowed to shore. It was over an hour before he came back and told me about the ex-Freedom Fighters.
'I vouched for them,' he said 'but Dad's keeping them under surveillance just in case... They said they were at a loose end ever since Jet disbanded the gang and were on their way to Ba Sing Se, thinking they might find their old leader there, but thought otherwise when they heard rumors Ba Sing Se had fallen.'
'Did you tell them? About - about Jet?'
Sokka nodded mutely.
'They'll want to see you in the morning,' he told me after a while 'They said they want to join Dad's fleet if we let them earn their keep –they were pretty hungry.'
'There's plenty of food.'
'We gave them some, but I think food isn't the only thing they're missing.'
'Jet was their leader.'
'Yeah – now he's gone, I guess they're looking to Dad to fill that role and lead them on to fight the Fire Nation again. Anyway, go back to sleep now, I don't want you fainting again.'
'You weren't supposed to sleep!'
'It was only a light sleep!'
'You were snoring your head off!'
'Okay, Okay. – I won't again. Now you get some rest or -'
'I'm NOT going to faint again! I feel fine. Anyway, it's time for another healing session –'
Sokka said nothing, but retreated to his place on the tarp bundles. I knew his eyes would begin to droop soon- my brother has learnt to keep a sleepless vigil if he's suspecting an ambush or attack, but watching over a sickbed is not his forte.
My brother was there because of me. Yesterday night I felt dizzy and thought I'd go up on deck for some fresh air, but I barely made it to the ship's side, before I felt my legs give way. It was my father who caught me and lowered me to the deck.
'Katara, you can't go on like this!' Dad said, with a touch of frustration in his voice 'You've had nothing to eat and you haven't slept for five days!'
'Yeah – you look terrible, Katara,' Sokka's face swam into view.
'Thanks, Sokka – just what a girl wants to hear,' I retorted through gritted teeth as I held my head between hands – the deck was still spinning and there was a yellowish tinge to everything, but I did not want to lose consciousness.
'Sokka's right, Katara. You have to look after yourself too. Look – I'll send one of the men to keep watch over the Avatar, while you rest –'
That brought me to me senses quickly.
'No! No, you won't!' I glared at Dad 'I'm not leaving Aang alone with someone strange to him, just when he needs me most!'
I struggled to my feet, ignoring Dad and some of the men who had gathered round.
'Here - take this.'
A warm bowl of something was pushed into my hands. I glanced up and saw Sokka looking at me in grim determination.
'You're the only one with healing abilities,' he said 'so we depend on you to make Aang better, but you have to depend on us to keep yourself well – if you collapse, who's going to take care of Aang? That's cold logic.'
The concerned look in his eyes belied his words.
'Not so cold, Sokka,' I mumbled, cupping my hands gratefully around the bowl.
I let him lead me back down below deck. He was right, of course. If I pushed myself too much then I'd be in no fit state to care for Aang. He insisted on staying with me down in the hold while I slept for a few hours, promising to wake me up should he see any change in Aang.
As it turned out it, it was the ex-Freedom Fighters who woke me up. The Duke and Pipsqueak joined us after we caught them trying to steal from our ships.
They came to see Aang today, the Duke sombrely taking off his helmet and perching himself on one of the Tarp bundles, Pipsqueak squeezing his bulk between a spare anchor and some coiled rope.
'I hope he gets better soon,' Pipsqueak said in a low, sad voice 'The world really needs a leader now.'
'We were hoping to meet up with Jet...' The Duke fiddled mournfully with his helmet. 'He shouldn't've disbanded the Freedom Fighters! He should've stayed with us, then perhaps he wouldn't have died!'
'Sokka said he died a warrior's death, The Duke. Jet wouldn't have wanted it any other way.' Pipsqueak turned to me 'Your Dad offered us a place on his team of fighters, Katara. We're very grateful for the opportunity to knock some Fire Nation heads...'
'And if that cowardly traitor, Long Feng, is still alive, Jet's death will be avenged!' The Duke continued, grimly.
The two Freedom Fighters have settled down well, earlier on they were swabbing the deck and lending a hand everywhere. They've been surprisingly helpful... at least when they're not getting into trouble. A bit of the rebellious, outlaw character is still in them, but I think they will be a valuable addition to our force...and I would not like to be in Long Feng's shoes if he ever crosses their path.
Jet's death has shaken them, I can see that. I suppose they thought him indestructible: he did give that impression.
Yet nobody made of flesh and blood can escape death – not even the Avatar. And in a strange twist of fate, Jet was the reason why I made such a terrible mistake that night in the Crystal Catacombs...
I had been in my green-glowing cell in the Crystal Catacombs for hours - I had lost all sense of time: probably it was the dawn of a new day outside, but I had no way of knowing down there: the constant green light of the Crystals never changed. There was no way out unless by earthbending, and the seriousness of my predicament started to weigh heavily on me. I knew without a shadow of doubt, that Aang, Sokka and Toph would try and rescue me if they knew. But would anyone even know where to look for me? Would they even think of looking for me? After all, it was days before Sokka and Aang were expected back in Ba Sing Se... no-one would miss me. Perhaps General How or other members of the Council of Five would, eventually…
Hours earlier, I had felt Aang's presence with me somehow, but I was thinking I'd imagined it ...
Suddenly, the entrance through which I had been shoved was earthbended away and a figure was pushed roughly inside, tumbling down the steep, earthen chute to land heavily at my feet with a gasp of pain. The young man pushed himself to a kneeling position and lifted his head to look at me:
Long, dark hair fell across his face but it couldn't hide the angry red scar that marred his features. It was Zuko from that Tea-shop! Now I had a closer look at him, he looked very different from when I had last seen him in the abandoned village in the Southern Earth Kingdom where we had fought Azula. He had been thin and ragged then, though the fire inside him burnt fierce and deadly. Now he was in fine, richly-embroidered robes and obviously in Earth Kingdom disguise, yet there was something else that was very different: there was something almost subdued about his hunched position as he knelt at my feet. It was his voice that had alerted me back at the The Jasmine Dragon – his voice was unchanged – no disguise could hide that!
He hadn't moved except to sit back and turn away from me.
'Why did they throw you in here?' I asked him harshly, but he didn't answer.
'Oh, wait. Let me guess. It's a trap. So when Aang shows up to rescue me, you can finally have him in your little Fire Nation clutches!' I shouted at him, but he still did not say anything.
Only my voice echoed loudly in the crystal chamber.
How could he not say anything?! After he had chased us half around the world, after he had almost killed Aang back at the North Pole?! After he and his people had destroyed my life when I was barely old enough to realise it? How could he just ignore me?!
I told him so. All the pent-up frustration and worries of the past sleepless night was behind the angry words I shouted at him. Perhaps it was a rage that had been building up for over six years... I was shaking with it now, hands balled into fists, pacing the crystal prison, wanting to start a fight; wanting to elicit some response from the huddled, silent figure; wanting to make him see...
'You're the Fire Lord's son! Spreading war and violence and hatred is in your blood!' I yelled at him.
That elicited a response, but not the right one:
'You don't know what you're talking about,' he said, angrily.
'I don't?! How dare you! You have no idea what this war has put me through!'
Suddenly, it was too much. How could I not know what I was talking about? I hadn't imagined the years of pain, of loss... of seeing my family torn apart. Even now, it was being torn apart again. I turned away from him and crouched down into a trembling huddle. What did he know about it?!
Zuko and his people had always been at the bottom of everything bad that had happened to me – like ripples growing outward from that one single event that turned my life upside down, the evil had grown, taking away from me everything and everyone I hold dear – right up to these last 24 hours, when my hope for an end to the century-old violence had been crushed by these ruthless, ambitious, Fire Benders.
'The Fire Nation took my mother away from me,' I whispered, echoing the thoughts in my mind, hardly knowing I spoke out loud.
That is when it had all started. Suddenly, I could feel the tears flowing down my cheeks and I didn't even know why, and for whom, I was crying. Was it for the death of my mother? It happened so long ago ... Was it the futility of trying to make someone like Zuko see what the Fire Nation did to people? Was that making old wounds bleed again? Or were my tears wrung out of me by the desperate situation? By having been foiled once again by the Fire Nation? Perhaps one or perhaps all of those reasons, I don't know. I tried to swallow my tears but they trickled out anyway, so I buried my head in my knees, unwilling to give Zuko the pleasure of seeing my weakness.
'I'm sorry,' came a low voice 'that's something we have in common.'
At first, I didn't realise what he just said. I thought I heard wrong. But his tone was unmistakeable: it was both sad and ...well, humble. I turned to look at him in surprise. Zuko? Saying he is sorry?!
'What- what do you mean?'
'I lost my mother too. She ...disappeared, almost six years ago now.'
'Disappeared?'
'The night my grandfather died. I don't know what happened to her...' his voice trailed into silence, his eyes focussed on distant memories, his expression wistful. It was strange to see Zuko so different. I had not thought him capable of any other emotion except a violent anger and a dogged determination to regain his honor, whatever the cost.
But then I remembered that when his Uncle Iroh had been wounded by Azula, he had stood by him, shocked, even though that day his grief had expressed itself as anger...
'She came to me that same night, to say goodbye...' he was saying softly 'I've never seen her since.'
Silence fell between us. Zuko seemed lost in thoughts – none of them happy. Even this close, his face was hard to read, yet there was something touching about his words. Something that resonated with me.
'I never even got the chance to say goodbye to my mother,' I said in a low voice 'And I never will. It's like an aching void that no one and nothing can fill... it was six years ago, too'
He looked at me and his unreadable expression wavered. Then he nodded slowly, letting me see the pain there...
'Perhaps you will find her one day,' I told him 'There's still hope, isn't there?'
'If I knew why she left in the first place...' Zuko stood up suddenly, his expression darkening 'But she didn't want to leave me, I'm sure of that! I – I don't know what happened, but she must've been forced to, somehow!'
I got up too. 'No mother willingly abandons her child, Zuko – that is a law of nature!'
'Well – right now wouldn't be a good time to find her. I don't know what I could offer her - I'm a fugitive, remember?'
I knew he was –I had seen his wanted posters all over the Earth Kingdom and had wondered why, exactly.
'So Azula really did throw you in prison?'
'Of course she did.'
'You're her brother!'
'And the Fire Lord's my father, as you pointed out. But I've been both banished and outlawed, on his orders.' the resent and bitterness in his voice were amplified a hundredfold by the echoes of the crystal chamber. 'and – and worse –' His hand went subconsciously up to touch his scar.
'That must have been hard. Real hard. But... why?!'
'Let's just say I disobeyed him.'
I wondered whether the rumours about his scar were true. It was whispered his own father had done that. I hadn't believed those rumors, but now I started to think that they must be true. In spite of myself, I felt a twinge of sympathy for the young Prince: his family didn't seem to care for him: the only one who really did, disappeared from his life years ago...
The sliver of gold between the stretched skin of his scarred eyelid was fixed onto me and I realised I was staring. He hastily snatched his hand away from his scar.
'Family relations have been ...strained,' he continued, 'Then, when Uncle Iroh and I attacked Zhao at the North Pole – that was the last straw. Azula has taken my place now'.
I stared at him, biting my lip: I found myself feeling sorry for Zuko, and understanding why he had been so distressed when his Uncle was wounded – Iroh seemed to be the only family member to even like him. No wonder he was so messed up.
'Your Uncle is a wise man,' I said finally 'he tried to protect the Moon Spirit then: I'm grateful for that.'
'I hope Uncle is Ok. He got away from Dai Li, but I didn't. Somehow, Azula's managed to place herself at the head of the Dai Li, and somehow, she found out we were in Ba Sing Se.'
'I'm – I'm afraid that was me. I heard you and your uncle in that Teashop and told Azula – they were dressed as the Kyoshi warriors. I didn't realise until it was too late.'
He looked at me, then shrugged. 'Well, I suppose they would've found out sooner or later. Uncle was making quite a name for himself in the Upper Ring.'
I'd expected Zuko to be angry – after all, I'd just told him I'd inadvertently given him away into his sister's hands, but he only seemed concerned for his Uncle's safety. This was, indeed, an aspect of him I had never seen before, and I could hardly get my head around it. All the while we were talking, I was thinking that this couldn't be happening… It was such a surreal situation. I was talking to Zuko – Zuko - and he seemed...well, human.
It also occurred to me that he could still firebend, whereas I was completely defenceless and at his mercy, for I was unable to waterbend: he could have easily have burnt me to cinders any time in the last half-hour, and no-one would even bothered in this deep, forsaken place.
But he hadn't.
My first thoughts that it had been a trap of some sort for Aang, seemed a far-fetched idea now.
'In that teashop – The Jasmine Dragon – you and your uncle were brewing tea.'
'It's his Teashop and his dream – he wanted to settle down here, in Ba Sing Se.'
'And you?'
'I didn't want to at first, but... perhaps I've changed...'
He frowned and looked away, but not before I had seen the troubled expression on his face – it was getting easier to read.
There was silence between us for a while. I stole a look at him – his head was bent, dark hair falling in front of his face, his once fiery aggression and haughty confidence were gone and he almost seemed at a loss what to do, and just as upset with our predicament as I was.
His expression reminded me of someone: Jet had been like this sometime before he died - very different and unsure of himself and vulnerable.
I hadn't given Jet a chance to redeem himself. My last words to him had been harsh accusations – and I had let him die without acknowledging that he had changed, and that I had forgiven him. I never gave him a chance.
Perhaps, if I gave Zuko a chance...
'I'm sorry I yelled at you before,' I told him.
'It doesn't matter.'
'It's just that for so long now, whenever I would imagine the face of the enemy, it was your face'. In past months, the faceless Fire Nation helmets of my childhood nightmares had increasingly given way to Zuko's face.
'My face. I see,' Zuko turned away and his hand came up to touch his scar.
'No, no, that's not what I meant,' I said hastily. If that scar really was really inflicted by his father, than I could imagine that the pain went much deeper than burnt flesh.
'It's ok. I used to think this scar marked me. The mark of the banished prince, cursed to chase the Avatar forever. But lately, I've realized I'm free to determine my own destiny, even if I'll never be free of my mark.'
I could see that his scar was not just a disfigurement – it was a symbol of what he had lost and what he had become. It was the outward sign of what had scarred his soul for so long... perhaps, if he could be rid of it, that would help him heal on the inside too. He wanted to determine his own destiny now and perhaps, without that terrible reminder burnt into his face, he'd have a better chance for a new beginning.
I thought, then, that I shouldn't repeat the same mistake I made with Jet –if Zuko wanted to change, then I should believe him and help him.
I told him I could heal him and lifted the bottle containing the water from the Spirit Oasis Master Pakku had given me from around my neck. The Dai Li had taken my water pouch and shackled my hands - they hadn't bothered to search me when they threw me in Prison, otherwise, they would have confiscated this bottle as well as the papers and ink I had in my pocket which I had been using in lieu of my diary.
'This is water from the Spirit Oasis at the North Pole,' I told Zuko, as I went up to him 'It has special properties, so I have been saving it for something important. I don't know if it would work, but...'
Zuko didn't believe me at first, but now he was staring at the little bottle with a wondering look, as though hardly daring to believe it could be true. Those strange, gold-colored eyes held mine fleetingly with a grateful look before sliding shut in acquiescence, and he silently submitted to my examination.
The skin was stretched taut over his cheekbones and even more so over his eye, which he could not open properly: scar tissue isn't as pliable and soft as normal skin. I had seen many fire-burn injuries and this had been a bad one. I had seen plenty of these scars, too – yet I never imagined I'd be attempting to heal one on no other than the Fire Lord's son!
I was about to open the bottle of Spirit Oasis Water, when fate stepped in and stopped me.
Actually, it was Aang himself who stopped me – with an almighty crash the wall of the crystal cavern exploded open and Aang and Iroh came through.
I didn't yet know, at that point in time, just how thankful I should have been ... not only at being rescued, but at being stopped from using that Spirit water on Zuko!
I still shudder with a cold fear at what I had almost done.
That moment however, I was just overjoyed and ran to Aang, embracing him – he had come for me! He had known, somehow, where to find me! I drew back a little to observe him better: his eyes were shining with relief but he also looked slightly worried.
I hugged him again, and this time I felt his arms tighten about me. 'Aang, I knew you would come.'
Suddenly Zuko's voice rang harshly across the echoing crystal chamber:
'Uncle, I don't understand. What are you doing with the Avatar?!'
'Saving you, that's what!' Aang answered, indignantly.
I looked at Zuko, shocked to see how his expression had changed: there was the familiar fire in his eyes again, the aggressive rage... It was as though the sight of Aang had flipped a switch in him, and the old familiar hatred and frustration were pouring out of him in waves as he lunged at Aang with a snarl. Iroh held him back.
'Zuko, it's time we talked,' Iroh told him, then turning to us: 'Go help your other friends. We'll catch up with you.'
Aang bowed respectfully to Iroh before he turned to leave. That told me Iroh, at least, was on our side – Aang trusted him. And I had trusted Zuko! Glancing back at him before I entered the tunnel after Aang, I realised that I had misplaced my trust. Zuko did, indeed, seem cursed to chase Aang forever... one look was all it took for him to revert back to his old character. As I followed Aang up the tunnel, I could see that although Zuko had restrained himself from following us, there was the old fire back in his eyes. I hoped that Iroh would talk some sense into his nephew:
I didn't know then, how wrong I was.
With Aang by my side, my spirits lifted, and I started to feel as though I could take on anything ... even if the situation was dire. Aang quickly explained what had happened at the Royal Palace and how Toph and Sokka were trying to warn the King of the Coup by Azula and Long Feng.
'Iroh said there's still some good in Zuko,' Aang remarked, looking round at me as we climbed up the tunnel. There was a frown on his face, and an expression which I couldn't quite make out in the dimness of the tunnel.
'For a moment there I thought so, too – I thought he had changed. I even offered to heal his scar for him. I thought I'd give him a chance...'
'Oh, I see.'
'I hope I wasn't wrong. By the way, how did it go with the Guru? Have you mastered the Avatar State? I thought you were meant to stay there a week.'
'I came back when I saw you were in trouble, but yeah – I learned a lot from Guru Pathik. He was Gyatso's Spiritual brother.'
'I'm so glad you – wait, when you say you 'saw' me in trouble-?'
'It was a kind of vision ... you were in chains. Not here though, you were in -'
' - in the Palace Dungeons.'
That's when I felt him near me. I smiled in the darkness. In the earthbended tunnel, where very few crystals had been exposed, Aang was just a pale, shadowy figure, but as I hurried up to walk by his side I felt that with him we would somehow still win through – we would stop the coup on time, warn the Generals, and even if we had to battle it out with the Dai Li – Aang would be more than a match for them, especially now that he had mastered the Avatar state, and Azula would be caught in a trap of her own making.
With every step I grew more confident. The unseen powers that rested in this young airbender walking lightly by my side were mysterious, but undeniably awe-inspiring, especially now that he had unlocked his full potential as Avatar. My mind took me back to that day, many months ago, in a similar dark tunnel, when I had been just as intensely aware of Aang's presence by my side as I was now... there were crystals, too, in that tunnel: crystals that burnt brightest in the dark ...now circumstances were very different, but that awareness had grown, and with it, a deep pride at what he had accomplished and learned... with Aang by my side, we could still triumph over Azula's evil plans...
Little did I know, then, that Azula would triumph over us; little did I know that Aang's strong spirit, his vibrant personality, his young body, healthy and unblemished and brimming with life and with the unseen power of an avatar, would, in a short time, be no more; that the living, breathing young life walking by my side along that dark tunnel would soon be reduced to a burnt wreck...
He is a wreck still ...
I've been trying my best, but he hasn't improved much...
Outwardly, with the worst of the burns and wounds bandaged and many of the minor ones healing, Aang looks as though he is merely asleep. Only on close observation could one see how slow his breathing his, how slow the beating of his heart, and how his skin is like cool alabaster...
Many a time I have placed his hand in mine – without the healing water – just the simple human touch of his hand in my hands, silently willing it to grow warmer ...
But it doesn't.
I have continued the healing sessions religiously, every hour. Now that I've managed a few hours sleep, I feel refreshed. At least my body and my brain feel so... my heart is still numb with fear: I can only tell it is beating because blood still flows in my veins – it's as if my heart is on hold, waiting for the time when Aang wakes up...
I have busied myself with healing as much of the small wounds, the cuts and grazes and minor burns as much as I can. There are some cracked ribs and many livid bruises – they are all taking a far longer time to heal than they should, due to his weakened state. But every little bit that helps to make Aang feel less pain ...
Not that he feels anything at all – even when I turn him round. I try to be as gentle as I can, for jarring those large, open wounds must hurt, yet he seems to feel nothing – not a moan, nor a grimace of pain - nothing.
Usually I get Sokka to help me – a limp or unconscious person is very heavy, I know that from my experiences in Yakoda's infirmary – yet the heaviness of Aang's lifeless body has been a strange and difficult thing for me to deal with: as an airbender, Aang has always appeared so light and weightless... His heaviness in my arms now seems so … wrong, and so much worse than it would seem in anyone else.
I have been writing this journal in fits and starts since late afternoon– getting up every 5 minutes to check his heart, to check whether he's still breathing, to hold his cold hands in mine...
Writing down what happened with Zuko, how I almost used that Spirit Oasis water on him, instead of Aang, has just made me realise, all over again, what I almost did – what a precious, precious, life I had almost lost...
It also made me realise something that shook me to my very core!
It was sunset, and those were the thoughts that were going through my head as I passed the healing water once more over Aang's back. I could see the golden light of the late spring sun spilling in through the hatch, setting the dust motes alight. I could hear the deep voices of the men outside as they went about their work. But my world is inside this dim ship's hold, my work a daunting task of healing an impossible burn. The angry-looking, blood-red wound is still sapping Aang's life force and threatening his tenuous hold on life...
But alive he still is – even in this strange, unconscious state –I'm fiercely clinging to that little fact, fighting tooth and claw to keep it that way.
Once again, the question came to my mind: What would I have done had I lost that precious Spirit Oasis water?
Aang would be dead.
And what would I have done had Aang died?
I forced myself to contemplate it: I forced myself to go through those harrowing moments when Aang's heart had stopped beating... moments I'd determinedly driven from my mind these past four days in order to keep on functioning, in order to focus on healing him.
The glow of the healing water around my hands dimmed and died out – I barely made it in time to waterbend it back into the bowls near my knees, then I buried my face in my hands and sobbed my heart out. I couldn't stop - I broke down completely.
If Aang died, I don't know if I would have had the strength to go on living...
If Aang had died, my whole life would be empty and pointless ...
I had picked up the pieces once before, when my mother died, for Sokka and Dad needed me, but now, if I had to lose Aang, a big part of me will die too, and what is left may not want to survive ...
That is what had scared me so much before ...
It had scared me so much, that I had been afraid to admit, even to myself ... even though I knew – and had known for some time, now... that I loved Aang.
I loved Aang.
I loved him like I had never imagined I could love anyone: totally, whole-heartedly and unconditionally.
I knew I would lay down my life for him, if that is what it took ...
I sat up and tried to control my ragged breathing. Why did Aang have to die for me to realise? No, not realise – I think I have known for some time now – but I never understood just how deep that love had grown. I never realised just how inextricably entwined my heart is, until his stopped beating...
And when had it happened? Did love really start in that dark cave, like the legend of the lovers' who had built it? Was it earlier, when a chance comment revealed what could lie behind a Fortuneteller's words? Was it earlier still, when I first set eyes on Aang and felt an immediate connection: this was someone special, someone I could trust, even when no-one else did then...
Or was it something that grew slowly, a love burning ever brighter till its light could no longer be disguised?
But I did deny my feelings - even to myself, thinking of a hundred excuses, a hundred reasons...
I dried my eyes and bent over him again, laying my hand tenderly on his face – a caress I would never have dared to try when he was awake.
'Aang.'
I spoke softly, not really knowing what to say ... What could I say? A thousand things jostled my mind, a thousand emotions, but his white face was cold to the touch even as my hand cupped his face, and a constricted sensation in my throat effectively prevented me from saying anything at all... When would the warmth return to his lifeless body? When would he snap out of this unnatural sleep? Even if I spoke to him, even if I told him what he meant to me - he couldn't hear me now, could he?
Still in shock at the realisation, I leaned over him to turn him from his side to a supine position – the internal injuries to his chest needed attention, too. Holding one limp arm across his chest, I put my other hand under his shoulder, rolling him gently on his back, the tears falling freely even as I did so...
And it was then that it happened...
A small gasp, his breath fanned my cheek, and as I looked round in alarm, I saw that his eyes were screwed up tight, the lids moving as in a dream. It was only a few seconds – then he lapsed back into the only-too-familiar stupor, but before he did, he whispered Yue's name...
I didn't know what to make of it – frantically, I checked his pulse: it was a bit higher than what it had been, but even as my fingers pressed his wrist, the weak fluttering had died down to the slow rhythm of the past days...
I don't know how long I gazed down on Aang's still features, wondering whether I had imagined it all... Even now, as I write, I keep breaking off every few minutes to check again. It is the first sign in four days that Aang is still hanging there somewhere, lost to this world.
I am fervently praying that this is a good sign, that he may soon return back to me – I don't care at what cost... I love him, and I can only hope that somewhere, wherever it is that his spirit now dwells, he can feel that ...
May the gentle Moon Spirit watch over you, Aang... if you are with Yue, then I'm praying, tonight, that she may guide you back to me.
greeneyes-17 deviantart Stricken
