List of oneshots part 3
chapter 53
What if a boy wound up getting a mummy wife?
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"I saw the sign and it said this was on sale for 2.99!"
"Ma'am, if you read closely it says 2.99 if you buy three more at regular price."
"I call bullshit on that!"
"Ma'am, if you have a problem, let me get my manager and he can explain the situation."
"I don't want the manager, I just want this at 2.99!"
"Ma'am, I'm sorry, I don't make the rules." Remarked the cashier who had short blond hair in a bob cut style and wore a blue shirt uniform with white pants and a name tag that read 'Andrew'. "I just want us to settle this like rational adults."
"Then just give me my damn discount!" She shouted angrily.
"Ma'am, please either pay the full price or leave, you're holding up the other customers." He spoke trying to keep himself under control and gestured to the line behind her.
"I'm not leaving until I get my discount you bastard!"
"...I'm sorry, what was that?" He asked feeling his eye twitch.
"I said give me my damn discount you bastard or I'll tell your manager!"
Andrew looked her square in the eye, took a deep breath, and leaned in before scowling. "Say that one more time you whale of a bitch, I dare you, I fucking dare you."
"Andrew!" Shouted a voice behind him, making him pale. "We talked about this damn it!"
"M-Mrs. Shintz, I-I thought you were on break." He said nervously as he turned to see a very short woman glaring at him with the word 'manager' on her nametag.
"I was until I heard noise out here. What's going on?"
"This man is refusing to give me my 2.99 discount!"
"You can only get it if you buy three other family sized bag of chips!" Andrew groaned as he held his head.
"It's true ma'am, the discount only works if you buy that many bags." Spoke Mrs. Shintz.
"WHAT?! This is an outrage!" She shouted before grinning. "Either give me the discount or fire this cashier for insulting me!"
"Andrew, is this true?"
"What? No no, that's crazy, I'd never do that." He chuckled nervously.
"He called me a whale of a bitch!"
"I swear to God if you don't shut your mouth-" He started scowling before his boss cleared her throat. "-I won't be able to tell you about all the other wonderful offers we have here today."
"Andrew, we've been over this before. You can't keep losing your temper like this." Sighed the short woman. "I'm afraid I'll have to let you go."
"Wait, please, I need this job!" He cried as the fat woman looked at him victoriously.
"I'm sorry, but losing your cool like this is something the store can't keep dealing with."
He looked down at the woman, clenched his hands, and let out a tired sigh before yanking his name tag off and dropped it in front of her. "Fine, you wanna let me go? Go ahead, I was getting tired of dealing with fucking Moby Dick here anyway." He turned to the large woman. "Ever heard of a salad? Or are those giant ears of yours hard of hearing too Dumbo?!"
"Andrew, please leave before I have to call the cops." Said the manager with a sigh as he glared at the customer.
"Fine, I wouldn't wanna be stuck in the same room as this cow anyway, who knows how much she stinks when she gets all sweaty." He jumped over the counter and walked out the door while flipping the woman off and headed away from the store. "Damn it, this is my third job in two months…" He muttered as he made his way to his bike.
He got on and rode off while taking deep breaths to calm down. 'My stupid temper fucked me over again, but it how could I keep it under control? Seeing people who could put a pig to shame whining over discounts is one of the worst!' He thought as he shook his head. 'I wonder if there's a free position at the gas station?' He thought as he kept peddling, unaware that he was being followed.
Eventually he reached a dingy looking building, locked his bike up, and headed to the door before heading inside and went up the stairs. "I'm just glad I have a bit of leftover pizza, I'm going to sit down, eat that and watch netflix until I pass out."
When he reached his apartment and walked in, he shut the door and plopped down on his couch to try and relax. "Maybe I should take some days off and get my temper under control. Lord knows I don't wanna crack and start smashing cars around that belong to some assholes." He sighed before hearing the door knock. "Who is it?" He groaned as he looked at the door.
"Is this the home of a Andrew Johanson?"
"Yeah, so what?"
"I have a large package for you, I need you to sign for it."
"Ugh, can't you just drop it off outside?"
"Nope, either you gotta sign for it now or the law requires you have to come to the post office to get it and drag it back home, and do you really want to leave a package outside in this neighborhood?"
Andrew let out an annoyed groan, got up, and moved to open the door and frowned at the mailman. "Alright fine, I'll sign for it."
"Great, I'll need you to sigh here, here, and here, and initial here."
"Fine, fine." He muttered as he signed all the papers, not bothering to read them. "So where's the box? I'm not really in a good mood."
"It's right here." He said as he moved over and wheeled over a large seven foot tall package that was on a dolly.
Andrew's eyes widened while looking it up and down. "Holy shit! What the hell is in there?"
"I dunno, but all the transport costs were covered, this thing apparently came from Egypt." He remarked before wheeling it into the apartment with difficulty making Andrew step out of the way before it was set down and wheeled the dolly out. "Have a good day."
"...ok." He said in surprise as the door closed. "Ok then… I guess I better open this thing, huh?" He moved over and grabbed at the tape before tearing it off and took the flaps open to look in, and dropped his jaw seeing a golden sarcophagus inside that looked clean. "HOLY SHIT!" He cried before shutting the flaps. "NOPE! Nope nope nope, this is some monster movie stye shit!"
He rushed to the kitchen to grab some tape while the container shook a little.
"I gotta get this out of here before anything crazy pops up! I am NOT dying by some old, wrinkly, dusty, ugly looking mummy!"
"Now that's not a nice thing to say, now is it?"
Andrew stiffened hearing a voice and gulped before closing his eyes. 'Don't look, if you look you're gonna freak out and die! Just try to act tough and swing away!' He jumped around with his fists up. "Die motherfucker!" and lunged.
"Hey! Watch it!" He heard the voice cry before something grabbed his hand. "Is that any way to treat your wife?"
"Huh?" He got out before opening his eyes confused before seeing the thing and went wide eyed. "What the fuck…"
Standing in front of him was a creature covered in bandages with a few loose to show caramel skin with the face being mostly bandage free to show a feminine face with long black hair held back by a headdress with several gold pieces of jewelry on her body.
"What? Why are you staring?"
"You...who the heck are you?!"
"How rude, I am your wife." She said with a huff as his eyes widened again.
"...is this a joke? I don't even know you and you're a freaking mummy, how the hell could we be married?!" He asked before seeing the thing that held his hand were bandages coming from her hand and tried tugging at them, but they wouldn't let go.
"I guess it's natural to be startled when in the presence of royalty.' She said as she puffed up her chest a bit with pride.
Andrew gave her a deadpanned look and tugged on the bandages harder, but they felt like steel making him growl and try using his legs, only to let out a annoyed breath. "Look, can you just let go of my hand?"
"Are you going to try and attack me like a barbarian again?"
"You're a mummy! I thought you were gonna rise out of that coffin all moaning and groaning like in the movies and wanting to strangle me, I was trying to defend myself."
"I am no mere mummy, I am a royal, only outranked by the pharaohs!" She smirked while making the bandages let go of his hand as he flexed it.
"Yeah well, thanks for not attacking me or whatever, but I think you got the wrong place."
"Is this the home of Andrew Johnson?"
"Yes…."
"Then this is the correct place, and I am your wife, Ankheititat."
He sighed and rubbed his nose before walking passed her. "Look, I don't know why you think that, but I'm no one's husband. I'm a single guy trying to make an honest living, and I have never met someone like you. Trust me, that's something I WOULD remember."
"Oh I know, that's because I never met you, I met your great, great grandfather when he was trying to break into my tomb, in exchange for being allowed to leave with his life he promised his descendants hand in marriage." She smiled while walking to her sarcophagus and pulled out an old parchment before rolling it open. "Read it if you like."
"Fine." He muttered as he walked towards it. 'This is ridiculous, there's no way this is real.'
"Also, do you have a phone, I need to make a few calls."
"You can use it after I see this for myself." He spoke while looking at the parchment and read it out loud. "I, Stevenson Johanson, hereby declare that in return for my life being spared, I do bequet to you, Ankheititat, the hand of my descendant, whether male or female, as your betrothed?!"
"Yep, it's all there in parchment, now where is the phone?" She asked as he stared at the parchment in disbelief.
"In...In the kitchen." He spoke while holding the paper and stared at it in absolute shock.
"Thanks!" She said with a smile as she left him alone with the parchment.
'This… this is insane, why would he make a deal like this, and how the hell did she know where to find me?!' He thought gripping it and scowled. 'That old bastard! He set me up before I was even thought of!'
"Yes, that's right, I found him, send over everything and everyone immediately." Came her voice from the kitchen, making him look up in confusion.
"Hey, who are you calling anyway?"
"My pyramid, I'm telling my servants to bring everything over." She called back as his eyes widened.
"What?! All the way from Egypt?"
"Yep! Luckily we have magic and all that to get them here easily, they should be here in about a day or so." She said as she walked back towards him.
"Look, something must be wrong. My old coot of a great great grandad said his descendant, but he wasn't clear on WHICH one, for all you know he meant my dad!"
"Oh I know, and originally I was going to go for your grandfather, but there was a sandstorm that buried my pyramid, it wasn't until recently that the sand moved away." She said with a shrug. "So think of it as divine intervention getting us together."
"Aw come on! This doesn't involve me at all! It's the twentieth century, meaning I can make my own decisions, not some empty deal my family made years before I was even made. I have no reason to stick with this."
"Well I could just put a curse on you if you try to send me away." She said nonchalantly.
"Wait, what?" He paled. "T-That's practically blackmail!"
"Think of it as incentive, I am not going to have someone break their deal with me regardless of the conditions, it would be an insult to me." She said as she looked at him with a frown. "You may not have asked for this, but it's happening, end of story."
"But...why stick with me? I mean, wouldn't it make more sense to go with someone more like you? I'll bet there's some lonely mummy stuck in a pyramid out there who wouldn't say no."
"Do you really think one would take me if I was turned down for a mortal? Please, I would be a pariah." She said as she rolled her eyes.
"But I can't be married! I don't have any way to pay for rent in this place, let alone to support a wife! Not to mention I just lost my job." he muttered annoyed before looking at the sarcophagus. 'Then again...that looks pretty expensive, a museum might pay a lot of money to have that.'
"Don't even think about it." She said with a glare as she noticed the way he was staring at her sarcophagus. "I worked hard to earn my treasure and I am not parting with any of it!"
"Then I hope you like living on the street because when I can't pay rent, my ass is on the street!" He frowned. "How did you even know where I lived? I didn't exactly put an ad in the paper asking for a wife."
"A simple location spell I made when your descendant made the contract so I could find my husband, simple as that."
"Of course, silly me." He rolled his eyes. "Look Anni-"
"It's Ankheititat."
"Whatever. Look, the point is, without a job I'm screwed. In case you forgot, times have changed, and people still need to get money through a job. Not all of us are some princess from a land where you could get sand up your ass just from sleeping."
"Fine, who do I talk to about keeping the apartment, it wouldn't do me well to lose my new temple." She asked as she crossed her arms.
"If you mean the owner he lives on the first floor, but you're not seriously gonna go talk to him, are you?"
"Of course I am, and if he won't see reason, well, I have my ways of making him see things my way." She chuckled darkly.
He looked her over and coughed. "Um...do you mean like...you know."
"By putting a mind control spell on him or a curse?"
"Uh...yeah let's go with that. Wait, you can do that?" He blinked. "Wait, if you can do something that amazingly op, why didn't you just put it on me when you got out?"
"Because I want a husband, not a mindless slave." She said as she rolled her eyes. "Now come on, let's go talk to this owner."
"Alright, but be warned, he can be a bit crabby if he's in the middle of watching football."
"Foot...ball?"
"A sport, it's real big here. But in the UK they call soccer football, but the one he watches is different. It's a clusterfuck trying to make sense unless you watch it."
"... sounds confusing, whatever happened to hunting crocodiles or having slaves run from hippos?" She said as she shook her head.
"Let's just say things went less bloody, and less dismembering." He remarked before leading her out of the apartment and down the stairs as she looked around the place. 'I can't tell if this is gonna work or make things worse.'
(Later)
"Go away!"
"Open the door, we wish to talk to you!"
"I said go away!"
"See? He's watching tv right now, we better try later."
"I think not." She said as raised her hand before punching the door, busting it open and making Andrew jump back.
"Holy shit!" He cried before she walked in before he hesitantly did the same and looked at the hole. "She's...stronger than she looks."
"Hey, what the hell did you do that for you bitch! And what's with the halloween get up?!" Yelled the short man with glasses with his apartment looking messy as he got up from his chair and spotted Andrew. "Andrew? Are you with this chick?"
"Well…."
"He is my husband and I am here to talk to you about payment."
"Husband?" Remarked the owner before getting picked up by the shirt by the mummy off the floor. "Hey! What's the big idea?!"
"You are going to stop charging us money for living here and you will not bother us, understood?"
"What? Are you nuts? I'm not gonna let the tenants live here for free, what sort of fantasy world are you living in?"
"Fine, then we shall do this the easy way." She said as her eyes began to turn green as smoke began to leave her mouth. "You will not charge us for rent or bother us again!"
The human's eyes widened with the smoke going into the owner's own eyes making him go limp.
Her eyes turned back to normal as she dropped him onto the ground. "There we go, he should be complacent now."
"Hold on, are you sure? Because it just looks like he may have passed out." Spoke Andrew nervously. 'Oh crap, did she kill him?!'
"Don't worry, they all do that after the mind control, all I have to do now is snap my fingers and he will be as obedient as a dog." she held her hand up and snapped making the man perk up. "Now then, do you know what to do?"
"Yes Mistress…. Your wishes are my commands." He said blankly, starting to freak Andrew out.
"Oh my god, you actually mind controlled him! Oh my god, oh my god, that just happened." He spoke pacing back and forth while panicking. 'She could have done that to me! She said she wants a husband, but what if she grows tired and needs a new slave!'
"Husband, I think our work here is done, let's go set up our bed and share it for the first time."
That made him stop and look at her with a blush. "F-F-First time?!"
"Yes, I wish to see if we can both fit in my Sarcophagus together." She said as she took his hand in her own.
"Oh...first night sharing a bed." He remarked as they left the apartment. 'For a second I thought she meant something else.' He thought as her words registered. "Wait, did you say sarcophagus?"
"Of course, what else would I mean?"
"Ok, no, I am not sleeping in a coffin!" He said with a frown as they began to walk up the stairs.
"It's not a coffin, it's a sarcophagus."
"Yeah, the thing dead people are kept, not living! I am not sleeping in there." He frowned as they reached the apartment. "I already have a bed, thank you very much."
"We are husband and wife, thus we must sleep together, and we're doing it in my sarcophagus." She said with a frown.
"But I have a bed, why not that instead of a dark tight space?"
"Because the sarcophagus is where I've slept for thousands of years, it is tradition!"
"Yeah well sleeping on a nice soft bed is my 'tradition'." He said as he entered the apartment. "You're not getting me into that golden death trap, end of story!"
"As your wife I say you're sleeping with me!"
"Yeah well as 'wife' you sure forgot one thing." He deadpanned. "Even if I don't have to pay rent, I got jack squat to spend on stuff, like food, ever heard of it? The stuff I need to survive?"
"Then get a job! I am sure you can find one, are they still building pyramids?" She asked as he entered the kitchen.
"This is the USA, if you want pyramids you can go back to Egypt."
"Fine, you can find a job tomorrow." She muttered as he began to fill a glass up with water. "I'll start moving my stuff in when you're out."
"Fine, but if you throw any of my stuff out without talking to me I'm putting that coffin up for auction." He muttered as he began to take a drink.
"Don't even joke about that!" She cried as she lightly shoved him, knocking the water out of his hand. She saw the cup pour water out on her making her jump and look down at herself with wide eyes.
"Hey who was j-woah!" He let out seeing the water seemingly soak into her bandages and skin with the areas it happened slowly begin to grow. "What the hell, you grow with water?!" He cried in confusion.
"Ah! Damn it! Look what you did!"
"Oh no, don't you pin that on me! You're the one getting shove happy!"
"S-Shut up!" She cried as she kept growing. "How am I supposed to fit in my sarcophagus now?!"
"How am I supposed to know? If you know magic and spells, this shouldn't be a problem. Why would you even grow with water? You're a mummy, you know all dusty and near rotting? I mean you don't look it, but wouldn't it have a negative effect besides...this?"
"I'm also seventy five percent bandages, and they soak up water and grow, so I grow when get wet!" She frowned before she slowly stopped growing, but her bust and belly looked bigger. "I hate this, now I have to wait to dry out and I look fat!"
"Well…. It could be worse?"
"How?"
"You could have landed in a pool, you'd look like a balloon after that much." He snickered.
"Shut up, you don't get to sleep in the sarcophagus tonight!" She huffed as she turned away.
"Works for me."
(Later)
Ankheititat watched as Andrew put on a suit. "So why do you have to dress up like this for a job again?"
"Because if I do, it makes them feel I take it serious. I can't go in half assed or they'll think that's how I'll be on the job."
"Odd, but understandable, also I got a call, my servants are here, they should arrive while you're gone."
"Are they gonna be like those half naked guys with those weird chin things? Because those dopes are gonna attract way too much attention moving your stuff here."
"Of course, not, I'm not a fool." She chuckled as she waved her hand. "Those are the worst kind of servants, they're uneducated, clumsy, and idiots, mine are refines, beautiful and powerful woman."
"Wait, all your servants are chicks? The kind that are half dressed?"
"I guess you could say that, but they are no mere woman." She said with a chuckle.
"What? Are they into girls only?" He asked with a small grin. "Hot."
"No, they have just been with me ever since I woke up in my tomb." She said as he looked at her in confusion.
"Wait, are they mummies too?"
"Of course not, being a mummy was meant for those who earned it or could afford the procedure." She chuckled.
"Oh… ok then… so how have they survived for so long th- shit, I'm late!" He cried seeing the clock and dusted himself off and ran to the door. "Be back later! Don't break anything!"
"See you later husband!" She called back with a smile. She rubbed her hands as he ran down the street and looked at the apartment. "Now to start planning what should go where, hopefully my servants don't make me wait too long."
Knock Knock
"Ah, that must be them!" She smiled moving to the door and opened it. "Glad you could make it, you've done well not to make me wait."
"Thank you master, it is our pleasure to please you!" Chorused multiple female voices.
"Good, and I'm glad you're here, did you bring everything?"
"Yes, we have brought as much of your possessions as we could, but it was difficult moving it to this country without arousing odd looks."
"Either way I am glad you are here, let's begin moving into my new temple." She said with a grin.
(Later)
"Ugh, stupid interview, that was a loaded question…" Mumbled Andrew as he walked back to his apartment building. "Have you been to college? Does it look like I can afford the loans? Of course I haven't been there. Not like many people around here can say the same." He mumbled as he turned the corner to his building. "I mean, seriously, why does everyone care about tha- what the hell?!"
He looked at the apartment building which looked tanner and seemed like it was in the middle of being reconstructed with sections looking like they were expanding out while seeing the cars of the other tenants gone. "God damn it I just know this is her fault!" He shouted as he raced towards the front door.
"Halt!" Called two female voices before finding two spears aimed at his neck making him stop. "Who dares to trespass on this land?"
"W-Who the hell are you two?!" He cried as his eyes widened as he looked at the two woman who had feathers on their arms and beaks for mouths with hawk eyes. "What the hell?!"
"We are our queen's guards, sworn to keep her temple safe from interlopers."
"Well let me in, I live here damn it!"
"Is your name Andrew Johanson?"
"Yes!"
"Then give us a form of ID, we need to ensure you are not a assassin or trespasser."
"Oh come on! Just go in and tell her I'm here!"
"Give us ID or die!"
"Ok, ok!" He cried as he reached for his wallet. He pulled it out along with his ID before one of them took it and looked at it closely. "S-See? Right there in print."
"Hmmmm…. This looks real, welcome home concubine." Said one coldly.
"Concubine? Just call me Andrew."
"Yes concubine Andrew." Said the other one with a frown as they let him in. 'So this is the man our queen is being forced to marry? He is not worthy!'
'I've seen workers with more muscle on them then this one.'
'Crazy bird women.' He thought walking in and saw there were staircases made of stone instead of wood with hieroglyphs all over the walls. "God damnit, I was gone for three hours, how the hell did they do all this?!"
He proceeded up the hard stone stairs while muttering to himself and looked around for his apartment door, but saw numerous other doors as well. "Just what did they put in here? Not like temples really need much, they're practically empty."
"Hey, careful with that, that was crafted by the finest artisans of the ancient world!" Called a voice from one of the rooms.
"I'm being careful!"
"Well be even more careful! One scratch on that and our queen will have our heads!"
"What the hell is happening?" He groaned before being pushed aside. "Hey! Watch it!"
"Shut up, the queen needs this water in room 312 now!"
"Wait… that's my apartment!" He spoke rushing past the woman who he didn't bother to look at and saw the door had symbols on it and kicked it open before running in. "What the hell is going on around here!?"
"Ah, husband, you're back!" Called Ankheititat who was sitting on a large golden throne as several servants fed her fruit and fanned her. These servants being tanned woman with black hair and had black jackal ears and dog tails in white robes making Andrew rub his eyes and blink.
"Um….are those chicks-"
"Out of the way!" Yelled another one moving past him with a huge jar of water and started pouring it down a trench of some kind that was going into something surrounding the room.
"What on earth, did you build a moat in my apartment?!" He cried in shock. "How?! We're on the third floor!"
"Well after my servants arrived I began remodeling of this building right away. After all, it wouldn't do good to live in such a common temple alongside my king after all."
"You can't just do that, there's a lot of bureaucratic bullshit you have to go through first!" He groaned. "And why didn't you tell me this before hand?!"
"I wanted it to be a surprise for you. Now we have plenty of space for both our things."
"Wait a sec...what about the other tenants? What happened to them?"
"Oh them, I had the owner go ahead and evict them of course." She shrugged.
"WHAT?! You can't just do that, you made dozens of families homeless!" He cried as she shrugged again.
"So?"
He let out an annoyed groan and facepalmed. "Were you buried in that pyramid without a heart!?"
"They took that out during the mummification process, but I think I have it in a jar somewhere."
"How could you even afford all this?! Rebuilding a whole building isn't cheap, especially one that sticks out like a sore thumb!"
"Oh, simple, I just sold a few of my old broken things to a museum before I came here, and gold is still gold, I was quite the wealthy woman when I was buried." She chuckled with a smile.
"Wait….you mean to say….I went out to get a job for money, when you had extra still lying around to sell? As in pure gold? Why the fuck didn't you tell me before! If you have extra treasure lying around, that's enough to hold us over for years! Provided the value holds up, but still."
"I only sold about a dozen coins, and that's all I'm parting with, I was buried with this treasure to keep, not spend nilly willy, and besides, you seemed very adamant about getting a job."
"Well that's because-What the hell is this?!" He cried out seeing a pool being dug up by the servants as some crocodiles were brought in with leashes.
"My pets of course."
"Why are your pets alligators?!"
"Hmph! These are crocodiles, honestly has your level of intellect dwindled to where you can't see the obvious?"
"No, because frankly they look the same, but that's not the point! I am not letting those things stay in my house!"
"Yes, they are! They are descendants of the ones that were my royal pets all those years ago, to be without them in my new temple would be outrageous!"
"It is not a temple! It is my small shitty apartment that you are destroying, just go back to Egypt!" He snapped back while the crocodiles moved into the pool while others carried in large containers of water. "Oh no! No no no! I am not gonna pay for water damage because of this, take those things out of here!"
"They will go nowhere!"
"Then I'll do it myself." He walked over to the animals and tried grabbing the leashes, only to reel back when the croc nearly bit his hand off. "These things are going to kill me!"
"Of course they aren't, they'll only eat intruders, and with these moats they'll be able to travel all around my temple, along with my servants of Sobek." She said as one servant began to connect the pool to the moat.
"You mean I gotta be careful about giant lizards now too? These things have enough strength in their jaw to rip an arm off. What if one of them wakes up and wants a midnight snack? Namely me?"
"Don't be silly, my little crocodiles wouldn't dare hurt mommies' husband, now would you?" She said as she got up and hugged one of them with a smile as it let out a happy croon.
Andrew watched her treat it like a dog and rubbed his eyes while groaning. "You know what? I'm not gonna lose it, I am not gonna make a big deal out of it right now. Right now I just wanna relax and sit back, did you at least keep a couch around? I doubt laying on the rock hard floor is gonna be comfy."
"Hmmm… I'm not sure, I put some of my servants in charge of your items, in fact they insisted on taking care of the task personally." She said as she tapped her chin as he groaned again.
"Just why do they look half animal? You said they've served you for years, but I'm pretty sure even animals have to pass on some time. Or are you gonna say they've been 'blessed by the gods' or something like that?"
"Oh, did you think they were humans?" She giggled as she shook her head. "No, they are technically monsters, they were born like this and they are extremely powerful and loyal."
"...you know what? I'll just take your word for it. Right now I need a cold one, where's the kitchen at?"
"I believe it is on the fourth floor now, I'll summon the head of that floor to bring us food and refreshments."
"Well do you know where my bedroom is?"
"I believe it is still in this apartment, but I had it redone."
"I swear it better not just be your coffin in the middle of the room." He muttered walking away while the girls next to Ankheititat frowned at him.
"My queen, I apologize for questioning this situation, but are you certain he is worthy to be your husband?"
"Of course he is, the contract states that I must marry him." She said as she watched him leave.
"But he seems like a mere and untrusty human. Surely there is more than him who would be more up to your standards."
"I just know he's the one, why else would our temple be uncovered by sand right as he appeared on the map? It has to be him."
The servant girls looked at each other before resuming their duties while Andrew reached a doorway and walked through it.
"Where. Is. My. Bed?" He asked through clenched teeth.
"I told you, my servants moved your things around, therefore it must be with them."
"Fine, I'm going to go find it." He muttered as he began to walk away. "But if this is a ploy to make me sleep in that cramped coffin I'm staying at a motel."
"... where did you put all of Andrew's possessions?"
"In storage." Spoke one servant girl making Andrew stumble and glare at her.
"Why would you put my stuff there?!"
"Because it's garbage, but our queen told us not to throw it away." Said one coldly.
"...say that again, I dare you." He replied with his own cold tone.
"I said everything you owned was garbage compared to our queens possessions and to have them anywhere visible would be a pain on the eyes."
Andrew closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and walked up to look her straight in the eyes. "Tell me, how many women do you think I've hit in my life?"
"With an attitude like yours I'd say quite a few." Said another with a frown.
"Eh! Wrong answer Rover." He spoke pointing at her without moving his gaze from the other. "I was raised to be a gentleman, but my temper is something I've had to deal with. So the correct answer is none. Now annoying cunts who think they're high and mighty? THAT would be different. Care to guess again?"
"See! This is why I said he is not worthy of you my queen, is is brash, rude, uncultured, why a farm hand would be better than this fool as your husband!"
"Am I gonna get a straight answer from you or not? Or do you not understand enough English to know?"
"That's it! I can't stand him anymore!" Roared one of the dog woman in rage as she threw down the palm leaf she was fanning Ankheititat with before she began to charge towards him.
He turned towards her and found himself getting punched into the face and went flying back, crashing into the wall. "Ugh… alright, you wanna fight? Let's fight." He groaned as he began to stand up. 'Damn she hits like a train!'
"Decease this at once!" Frowned the queen standing up. "You have spoken out of term against my husband and your new king!"
"Damn it, enough! I am not marrying you, how many times do I have to say that?!" He groaned as he frowned at her. "A stupid piece of paper means nothing, it will never hold up in any kind of court!"
"Treating our queen with disrespect is proof you would soil her line. You will not live to do so." Frowned the dog woman charging at him and swung her fist and slammed it into his gut, but saw him stand his ground with gritted teeth making her eyes widen.
"Remember...what I just said….about how many women I've hit? Well I'd say, teaching a bitch her place...doesn't count!" He yelled swinging his arm and hit her own cheek making her fly up and hit the ceiling with him glaring. "Try that shit again and I'll rip those ears off!"
'How is he so strong, he's just a mortal!' She thought as she fell to the ground.
"I said enough!"
"My thoughts exactly." Spoke Andrew with a frown. "It's obvious I should just leave. You already own the place, and if this is what your servants think of me, I wouldn't be surprised if they tried poisoning my food. I'm out of here, see ya."
"What?! No! Andrew, don't you dare leave!" She shouted with a frown.
"You wanna curse me? Go ahead! You already barged into my life without my consent so what's stopping you now!" He shouted while clenching his hands. "You may have been queen in the past, but you ain't worth jack shit if that's how you treat someone you're desperate to get with!"
"B-But the contra-"
"Who the hell cares?! It's an old piece of paper hundreds of years old signed by a dead man, why should I care what it says?!" He shouted angrily. "I had to deal with shit after my mom died, and I'm not gonna deal with shit like this done in by an old bastard I hardly knew! So go ahead, curse me! I dare ya! You wanna feel on top! Do it!"
"I...I…' She said as her eyes began to water.
"I'm out of here, I'll be back later for my shit." He muttered as he turned towards the door. He walked towards it and left the room before going down the stairs with a huff. "Hopefully I can find some cheap room this late in the day."
"Good riddance, I knew he was no good if he talks back to the queen like that!"
"Ow...agreed." Winced the dog woman rubbing her cheek and turned to her queen who was shaking and looked close to tears. "Ankheititat? Are you ok?" She asked as she approached her. "It's ok, he's gone now, he's never coming back."
"Oh gods, what have I done." She muttered before she started crying and covered her face. "What have I done?!"
"M-my queen?"
"I forced him away!" She cried as she held her face. "I forced my own husband out of his home!"
"H-He wasn't worthy to be your husband, we can find you a better candidate!"
"Yes, I'm sure there are plenty men who would do anything to please you my queen!"
"I don't want someone else, I want my Andrew back!" She cried as she stood up and began to run towards her bedroom as she sobbed.
"Our queen!" They cried as the door slammed shut behind her.
"We….we messed up, didn't we?"
"No, of course not, we did what was best." Spoke the other with a wince while rubbing her cheek. "Ow."
"Are you alright?"
"Yes, but that man actually landed a solid hit. I can't remember the last time I fought someone with that much power in their fists."
"He is quite strong… what are we going to do about our queen though, she's distraught, I've never seen her like this before." Said one as several more girls entered the room.
"What's the noise in here?"
"It seems our Queens 'husband' left her, leaving her distraught and crying in her room."
"What? That puny human made our queen cry? Where is he? We shall make him suffer a thousand deaths as retribution." Said a woman with scaly green skin, a long crocodile tail and hands wearing a white dress.
"I fear that may just make her more upset." Said one of the jackal girls with a sigh. "She seemed more upset about losing him than him being disrespectful… should we try to get him back for her?"
"If it means bringinging our queen happiness, it's our sworn duty to do whatever it takes."
"Even if it means bringing her HIM." Said one of them with a frown. "So where is he?"
"He said something about staying at a motel, whatever that is."
"Ok… we just have to scour the city until we find him, it can't be that hard, right?"
(Later)
Andrew huffed while trying to rest on a bad and dirty looking bed in a room that matched with dim lights. "Well… I guess it could be worse, at least I have a bed." He looked up at the ceiling with crossed arms. "But now my home is taken away from me by a spoiled mummy queen. Maybe I should put myself in the looney bin, at least there I'll have a roof over my head and three square meals a day." He sighed as he pulled some old moth eaten covers over himself. "Maybe I should just start fresh in a new state, new name, someplace she'll never find me."
Suddenly there was a pounding on the door, making him pale.
'Crap! Is that the manager? Did my check bounce?'
"Hey, open up in there, we know you're in there Andrew!"
He frowned hearing a woman's voice and rolled on his side. "Buzz off!"
"That sounds like him, break the door down!"
"Hey wait a sec, that'll come out of my depo-"
CRASH!
"-st...go away!" He cried before seeing that it was the jackal girls from earlier. "Oh hell no, go away!"
"Finally, I thought we'd be at this all night." Remarked one.
"Yeah, and only half of the city is on fire." Said the other as they entered the room.
"I said go away! I did what you girls wanted, I left your precious queen alone and left my house to do it. You got your wish, now give me mine and buzz the fuck off!"
"Shut up, we don't want you, but our queen does, she's been crying ever since you left!"
"Uh huh, suuure she has. News flash, the whole crying act isn't gonna make me fall for it. Shouldn't you be fanning her or rubbing her feet or something?"
"Shut up! Do you really think we would be here to get you if she wasn't miserable?" Growled one as she cracked her knuckles.
"How should I know? You said it yourselves, I'm not good enough, I'm worthless, I'm not even good enough to be a farm hand or something. Look, if you wanna find someone for her, go ahead, I'm not stopping you. Hell, I'll even help you how to use tinder so she can find tons of guys."
"Damn it, we tried that, we offered to go find a new male but she refused! For some reason she seems to want you and no one else!"
"She seems insistent on you because of that contract and won't budge."
"Yeah, that fucking contract." He scowled harder. "A piece of paper that would take one tug to rip and she's hooked on it. Why? Why would she let it control her love life? If she has money, servants, and magical power, why stick with me? Do you know what people would kill for that stuff? A lot of stuff. She could go off and marry a big shot and be set for life."
"Because she had all that before she died and was miserable!" Frowned one. "She had everything a peasant girl could want and dream of, she was akin to one of the goddesses with her power, but guess what? It was empty because her husband was nothing but a shameless adulterer!"
"She saw what wealth and fame got her, heartbreak, people who only want her for money and loneliness, even as a mummy we were all she had, she wanted someone to love, someone who knew and cared nothing and of her money!"
"Oh really? Then tell me something. Did she ever bother to ask people what they thought over her actions? Did she ever once think before acting?"
"I will admit our queen is a bit… stubborn and might not think things through, but she means the best for her subjects!"
"Oh yeah, forcing me into marrying her, having you toss my stuff out of the way like trash, and threatening me with a curse if I tried to leave her. Yeah, sounds like she's the perfect saint." He remarked sarcastically. "Tell me, was it in her best interest when one of you tried to kill me?"
"That was my fault, she would have punished us if not for you leaving, and as for throwing out your stuff that was also us, we were jealous that you earned her love so quickly." Said one as she lowered her head. "And as for the curse, don't you think she would have followed through if she was serious by now?"
"If she was so quick to change my life like this, how would I know?"
"Because she was excited, she's been wanting someone to love for years but the only ones to visit her tombs are thieves and pompous mummies who acted just like her terrible husband."
"Look, we may not like you, but for our queen sake, please, come back."
Andrew looked at them and his room before letting out a tired sigh and rubbed his head. "Look...I'm just not sure alright?"
"Please, we'll do anything, our Queen needs her husband back!"
He saw them slowly bow their heads making him frown and shake his head. "Gah! Look! The reason I'm unsure is because of my temper! When I get really pissed off, I need time to settle ok? If I don't give it time to cool off, I might do something stupid which comes back to bite me."
"How much time do you need then?"
"Well give me an hour by myself and I might be good."
"Can you have that hour in the temple?" Asked one nervously.
"What's wrong with here? Besides the obvious."
"Well we're just a bit worried our queen might go a bit overboard in her grief and… might curse the city?"
"Would she really go that far?"
"We don't think so, though we did hear stories of another pharaoh who was overwhelmed with grief and in her rage created the sahara desert."
"...fine." He sighed sitting up with a frown. "Just give me time to pay the manager or else he'll call the cops on me."
"We may have knocked him out…"
"Of course you did." He said with a sigh.
(Later)
Andrew walked up the stairs of the building while feeling a bit more calm, but just a bit." 'Ok, I just have to go in, help her calm down and try to come to an understanding, no big deal, right?'
But when he reached his apartment door and walked in, he heard sobbing. His heart wrenched as he opened the doors as the sobbing got louder. 'Keep it together Andrew, don't cave in.' He walked in while taking a deep breath and followed to where the sobbing was coming from. He sighed as he saw it was their bedroom before steeling himself as he knocked on the door.
"G-Go away, I just want to be alone right now girls…"
"Um, actually it's not them, it's me." He said as he heard the sobbing stop instantly.
"A-Andrew? Is that you?" She called as he heard her begin to make her way to the door.
"Yeah, it's me." He said as the door opened to show the mummy wiping away some tears.
"A-Are you here for your stuff?"
"Well, I actually came to talk."
"R-Really? About what?" She asked, beginning to sound hopeful.
He took a deep breath and steeled himself. "Look Ankheititat, maybe we should sit down and talk, after I get some aspirin because my headache is killing me."
"O-Ok! Come on in, I had them bring up your couch into the room." She said as she swung open the door with a smile.
He walked in and moved onto the couch while Ankheititat rushed off and came back with some aspirin and a glass of water. "Thanks." He said as he took the pill. "So… we need to talk."
"About?"
"About what happened earlier."
"About how you stormed off?"
"Yes." He nodded as she was silent and he took a deep breath. "Look, you're a beautiful, rich, and overall scary girl, just putting that out there and getting it out of the way."
"Thank you." She said as her bandages heated up. "And you are a handsome, blunt, short tempered man."
"Yeah, so I've heard." He cleared his throat. "My point is this though. Being suddenly told I'm married to a girl I've never met, let alone someone who could make me a mindless drone isn't something someone can just casually accept into their life. And as you could tell, my temper isn't exactly the most controlled out of a lot of people."
"Ok… that does make sense… but I've never had anyone to love who wasn't after my money or fame, I- I just wanted to be with someone who could grow to like me."
"Well that's just it, I've hardly managed to keep a relationship because of my temper. I guess you could say it was because I never learned how to deal with it after my mom died." He looked away while rubbing his neck. "I was crushed and confused when I lost her, probably because my deadbeat dad was hardly around and I was so mad I wanted to beat him to a bloody pulp. It's also something I had to try and control when I dealt with jerks who picked on me, so I guess you could say I wasn't exactly a model student."
"Well, we can work through those problems if you wish." She said as she put her hand on top of his.
"Hold on though, I need to ask you something." He moved her hand with a serious expression. "Do you wanna stick with me because of who I am? Or all because a stupid piece of paper says so?"
"Well, to be honest I first came here because of the contract, I thought screw it, it'll be fun for a hundred years or so before I go back to my tomb but then I met you and…. I liked you, you were understanding, you didn't care about my money, you didn't try to take advantage of me, you were perfect!"
"And you sure that wasn't the fact you hadn't had anyone besides your servants to talk to for a few thousand years?"
"Well talking with a male WAS refreshing."
"So….just to summarize, you're fine giving me a chance, even though I'm mortal, can't use magic, don't have a dime to my name, and has a fuse that's nearly lit all the time?"
"Of course." She said with a nod of her head.
"And even after I uppercutted one of your dog servants into the ceiling?"
"She provoked you." She said as she waved her hand. "I can tell they don't like you."
"Yeah, so what's to stop them from killing me in my sleep?"
"Simple, you can sleep with me, and besides, they know better than to anger me."
"Well right now I could use some sleep on a bed that doesn't smell like sex. Trust me, motels aren't all that great."
"Well, I'm afraid they kind of destroyed your bed…." She said sheepishly. "There is another option though…"
"Alright fine, I'll sleep with you in the sarcophagus, but keep in mind, when I'm calming down from losing it, I tend to get….grabby in my sleep."
"I don't mind, I've been told that I'm a bit of a snuggler." She said with a smile.
"So you wanna do it right now?"
"YES! I-I mean I could sleep now if you're tired."
"Yes, I could crash in there, I don't even care if I get claustrophobic." He said as she got up and quickly led him to the sarcophagus. 'She's pretty eager to sleep, huh?'
When they got to it she opened it up and moved inside before he tried to slide down into it, but found it was cramped and he felt their chests touching. "Um… it's a bit tight in here…"
"I know, it's wonderful, isn't it?"
"Well that's one way to look at it." He muttered with a blush.
"I'm so happy to be here with you, please take care of me husband." She said with a smile as she wrapped her arms around him.
He blushed feeling her chest and legs press up against his and looked away. "Um...s-shouldn't we….you know? The top?"
"Oh, right, if you insist." She said with a smile as she snapped her fingers as the top began to close shut on it's own. "Good night~"
"Goodnight." He said as he began to close his eyes. 'Maybe I could get used to this.'
(Later)
Ankheititat blushed since she was trying to keep from making any noise in the small space, but the hand on her chest squeezing her breast and the hard thing rubbing against her thighs was making it hard. 'H-He really is grabby in his sleep!'
Andrew himself lightly snored while mumbling in his sleep and tried to squeeze the soft orb harder making her jolt and move against the warm pillow with his dick slowly moving in between her thighs making her moan. "Mmmm…. Soft marshmallow." He murmured as he tried to snuggle closer to her.
'I don't know what those are, but he feels so rock hard.' She thought before feeling the bulge move back and forth in between her thighs making her moan louder.
"My queen, is everything ok in there?" She heard her servants call from outside the sarcophagus.
"Y-Yes, everything's fine!"
"...Mmmm, so soft…." He murmured as he tried to get closer to her, rubbing his cheek against hers.
She smiled and tried to keep it together while humming. 'I wouldn't mind if he wants to do this while awake.'
"My queen, we have your breakfast ready!"
"Alright! Give me a second!" She called out with a small moan. 'I don't want it to end but they might not appreciate it if they see you giving me such a good time.' She reached back and rubbed Andrew's nose making him groan and slowly stir.
"Ugh...what? Where am….I?" He let out before feeling something soft in his hand and something soft around his groin. He looked down to see Ankheititat's blushing face as his own began to turn red.
"Good morning dear, sleep tight?" she smiled.
"...crap!" He let out before sitting up and hit the top half of the container. "OW!"
"Careful, the lid is still on dear." She sat up and pushed it open while he rubbed his head. "I have to say, I wasn't expecting that while we slept."
"I-I didn't mean too! I told you I move around in my sleep." He said in embarrassment as two jackal girls entered the room.
"Oh no need to be embarrassed, I enjoyed it immensely."
'What did she enjoy?!'
'Did they do the deed already?!'
"Although next time, maybe we should do it with a little more room, like a royal bed fit for two people."
"I thought you could only be in a sarcophagus?"
"Oh it's not that, I just PREFER sleeping in it. But if that's what you're like when you sleep, I wouldn't mind if we had more space." She winked.
'Already a day with her and he's defiling her, she loves to sleep in her sarcophagus!'
'His libido must know no limits.'
"Ah, Rasha, Meiphisi, I didn't know you two were here."
"Yes, we came here to let you know breakfast was ready."
"Ah, perfect, come my love, today we shall dine on the food from my home."
'Hope it's edible.'
(Later)
"Woah, this is a huge spread." He said in amazement as he was sat at the head of a long table with Ankheititat with various dishes piled high as her servants stood along the walls, waiting for her orders.
"Of course, it does no good to have a light meal before a new day." She said with a smile. "Now eat up dear, you'll need your energy later."
'Do they plan to have another round of intercourse so soon?!'
"Well if you insist." he remarked before glancing at the servants and spotted the jackal woman he gave a right hook too. "Hey, you there?"
"Yes? What is it?" She asked as she kept her head low.
"I wanted to apologize for yesterday, you ok now?"
"Um, yes, it's slowly begun to heal." She remarked while caught off guard. "Why do you ask?"
"I wanted to say sorry for what happened. I lost it and went nuts, and I really didn't mean to strike you that hard, or at all to be frank."
"Well I was acting against you so it is understandable."
"If you want, you and your friends could join us, I mean I doubt I'm gonna get through half of this stuff on my own."
"W-What? We couldn't possibly dine with our queen and her husband!"
"But then what happens to the food we can't eat or even finish? You're not gonna go and throw it all out, are you?"
"Well we are allowed to sometimes eat some of the the scraps, but then yes, we throw it into the nile." She said as Andrew looked at the queen in shock.
"Are you kidding me? That's a huge waste of food!"
"What are you talking about, what else am I supposed to do with it?"
"Well, you could always put the leftovers back in the fridge and save them for later, that way they don't go to waste and can be warmed back up with the microwave."
"... what is a fridge and microwave?" She asked in confusion.
"Well….ok here's what they are in a nutshell. The fridge is a cold sarcophagus which keeps things cold and fresh for a while, and the microwave is the small black box which uses the sun's heat to warm things up. Get the picture?"
Her eyes widened in shock as she stared at him. "Amazing, the future is full of such magic!"
"I mean they should still be in the kitchen, or did you throw everything in there out too?"
"I'm not sure, what did you do with them girls?"
"We weren't sure what they were so we didn't touch them."
"Great, then after we're done if you girls wanna eat, go right ahead, then just put whatever's left in some of the plastic boxes I should have and toss them in the fridge. I'll show you how to use the microwave later so you don't burn them if you want them nice and hot."
"Amazing, if we kept food for more than a day it would be full of flies, maggots, and diseases." Said one in amazement.
"Trust me, that's not all the future has. If I show you what the TV is you might start shirking on the job." He joked before digging into a random dish. "Hmm, this one is a bit salty and sour, but not bad."
"Good, also husband, what are we doing today?" She asked curiously.
"Well I don't know about you, but I need to get back out there and find a job, again."
"Aw, are you sure?" She asked with a pout. "I wanted to spend time with you today."
"Well the sooner I get a job the sooner we have an income coming in, because you won't try and sell some of your gold to keep us afloat without work, which will help keep the bills off our asses."
"...fine, but I want cuddle time once you get back." She pouted as she crossed her arms.
"Alright alright, deal." He sighed as he shook his head. "I never knew a mummy could be so clingy."
She smirked hearing that while he resumed his meal.
(Later)
"You call this bowling ball polished? It's smudged!"
"For the last time sir, that is from your hand print."
"So? If you polished it right I wouldn't be seeing the hand print!"
"How can I polish it right when you grabbed it?! You literally grabbed it right after having nachos with cheese you idiot! What? Am I suppose to polish it WHILE you hold it?"
"No, but if you had finished the job it wouldn't have been smudged, I want to talk to your manager!"
"I got a better idea, you want it polished? Do it yourself!" He threw the cloth on the man's face before walking out. "I quit!"
(Later)
"Sir, sir! My child just threw up in the ball pit!"
"Well I'll get to it right after my breaks over, just give me five more minutes and I'll clean it right up."
"Oh I don't care about that, I want you to reimburse me for my sons ruined clothes."
"Uh ma'am? That's not the restaurants job. Now if he got hurt due to a lack of maintenance or cooked food, that's something. Him getting sick and messing up his own clothes? That's entirely different."
"But he got sick on your property, why should I have to pay to get new clothes for him later?!"
"Because he's your son who I see is punching his own belly to make himself throw up again."
"Well it's not his fault, the food here isn't all that great."
"Well if you think that, then why the hell did you come here in the first place?"
"Because he loves the food here!"
"Again, none of this is our fault, if anything we should be charging you and your son for messing up the ball pit."
"I can't believe this! I'd like to speak to your manager!"
"Oh yeah? Well go find him yourself, I'm out of here because I'm done talking to a braindead mom, who can't think ahead and plan for something like this in case her own son gets sick. Enjoy dealing with dirty clothes tonight."
(Later)
"So let me get this straight, in this job I have to sit in a small box for eight hours and watch monitors, and not interact with anyone?"
"Yup, any questions?"
"Where do I sign?!"
"Right here, just sign on the dotted line and don't read the fine print."
"Yes si- wait, why? What's in the fine print?"
"Oh nothing you need to be concerned with, now about that signature."
"Yeah, I think I might read that fine print quick." He said as he narrowed his eyes.
"Look, the longer you waste time the longer they'll be angry and upset if we can't find a watchman for the night, just sign the damn paper."
"I was, but you're making this sound really sketchy!" He frowned before reading the paper and raised an eyebrow. "What's this about keeping an eye on some stupid animatronics?"
"Shhh! Don't talk too loud or they'll hear."
"Why, they're just robots, right?" He asked as he began to get a bad feeling.
The man gained a pale expression and darted his eyes around. "Yeah, sure, just robots….please sign the paper, the last guy didn't last a week and we're desperate."
"...I'm starting to think I should look somewhere else." He said as he began to get up.
"No! If you go they'll make me take the job! We'll pay you a hundred dollars an hour!" He screamed before Andrew ran out. "No! Don't leave us!"
'Damn it are there no normal jobs left?!' He thought as he heard screaming from behind him.
(Later)
"How did the job hunt go?"
"Horrible, I either started out decent, or met a few weirdos." He sighed as he sat down on a couch next to her. "I'm starting to run out of options."
"Don't worry husband, I'm sure you'll find one with enough patience."
"Maybe, I just don't know." He sighed as she wrapped her arms around him.
"Well how about tomorrow you take a break and we go have some fun?"
"Depends on what you mean by that."
"A date! My servants found one of those TVs and I spent the day watching the tiny people on it and it said couples go on dates, right?"
"Well yeah."
"Great, then let's go on one tomorrow, just me, you and my armed guards."
"Wait, why do we need them?"
"Because I am queen, why wouldn't I have my guards protect me?"
"Wouldn't people see them if they have feathers and beaks?"
"Oh right, I forgot that times have changed...no matter, it'll be fine, what's the worst that could happen?"
"People staring and thinking they might be stalkers." He deadpanned.
"Nonsense, they'll just be protecting me, do you think it is safe to go out on our own?"
"I don't think anyone's gonna go after you unless they're just some horny dudes, they're not that hard to handle." He said as he shook his head. "Look, it'll just be the two of us, no more no less."
"But-"
"Look, trust me on this, if anything DOES happen, I'll protect you."
She sighed before nodding, making her servents nervous. "Ok, I trust you honey. Are you done eating?"
"Yeah."
"My queen, are you sure about this?"
"Of course, I trust my husband, now let's go, to the museum!"
"Really? You don't wanna see some of the more modern places around?"
"Bah, there will never be a greater time than Egypt! Besides, I heard they were featuring mummies, I haven't talked to anyone from my time in ages!"
'I don't think those mummies are like her.' He thought with a sweatdrop. "Well, if you're sure, I guess we could stop by there."
"Great, then let's go!" She said as she took his hand and began to drag him to the door.
The servants watched as they left and shared an unsure look.
"Are you sure this is a good idea for her to go unprotected?"
"No, but it's not like we can follow her, she would be furious!"
"We'll need to just stay here and hope that human mortal can live up to his words."
"Alright… if they're not back in an hour though I'm heading out to find her."
(Later)
"I think we should get you some new clothes first." Remarked Andrew as they walked down the street with people looking at the mummy with surprised and caught off guard looks.
"Why? My bandages are holding up fine."
"Yeah, except have you noticed you're the only one in bandages?"
"Well, perhaps a little." She said sheepishly.
"Exactly, that's why we're getting you some real clothes."
"Very well, I just hope modern day clothing is to my taste."
(Later)
"How you doing in there?" Asked Andrew sitting down while in a clothing store. "You've been in there for ten minutes."
"These clothes are confusing and tight, why do they not flow like the silk robes I wore when I was alive?"
"Well Americans like to wear clothes that are a bit tighter." He said with a sigh. "There's also a the fact you didn't choose any flowing dresses, do you need me to get one of the sales reps to help you?"
"No, I think I have this on, but it feels constricting around my chest." She said as she opened the door to the changing room and walked out. "Well, how do I look?"
Andrew blushed and tried not to stare since the girl was wearing a sleeveless black tank top that squeezed her chest and exposed her belly with the sides connecting down to a lower part of a long skirt with the sides being slits that exposed her legs. "I...uh...well...it looks…. You look amazing!"
"Aw, thanks." She said with a smile. "I was hesitant to try this on, but the other clothes felt incomplete without something to connect down and cover my groin area."
"G-Glad to hear." He said with a blush. 'She looks amazing!'
"Great, let's pay and then get back to our date!" She smiled before moving back into the stall to get changed back into her bandages. 'Perhaps next time I shall purchase more dresses such as this.'
"O-Ok."
(Later)
"Ah, so this is the museum?" She asked, dressed in the now paid for clothes as they walked towards the large building.
"Yup, a boring place full of old stuff that makes some people go nuts, and others get sleepy."
"Nonsense, if they have mummies here it must be a place of great importance!" She smiled before dragging him to the entrance and looked around at the various items on display.
'I hope she doesn't freak out when she sees them.'
"Over here, the sign says this way to the mummies!" She pointed to a sign and started dragging him again.
"Easy there! They're not going anywhere."
"I know, but I just want to see them and introduce you to them!"
'Oh man, I hope she doesn't feel sad.' He thought as they reached a large room full of several artifacts on glass displays along with one sarcophagus open with the mummified body inside, showing it off to the public.
"Greetings fellow mummy."
'Ok, I better nip this in the bud before things go south.' He thought walking over. "I don't think that'll work, chances are he's trying to rest."
"Ah, of course, I imagine it's tiring being out all day for the public, isn't it?"`
"Yeah, he's probably nocturnal, you know walking around at night when there's no people so he has the whole place to himself."
"Good point, but I don't get why he keeps so many fake valuables, most of this stuff is fake."
"Wait, how can you tell?"
"I can sense it, for example that golden sphinx is made of metal and painted gold, that diamond is glass and there is no real gold here, why my necklace is the most valuable thing here." She said as she pointed to it, catching the eye of a man in a brown suit, making him gasp.
'Wow, maybe I should bring her to an abandoned mine.' Thought Andrew with a chuckle.
"Excuse me, ma'am, may I have a look at your necklace quick?"
"Why? Whatever for?" She asked with a frown.
"If I'm correct I think you may be wearing a priceless artifact!"
"Priceless is correct, it's been with me for de-"
"Years! Been with her for years." Andrew cut in quickly.
"Amazing, from the look and design it seems to be from the early egyptian period, such a rare artifact must be put on display for the world to see!"
"No, it's mine and it's not exactly rare, I have tons of stuff like this back home." She scoffed as she rolled her eyes.
"You have more? My word! Hold on, please allow me to get a few of my colleagues."
"Whatever for?" She asked in confusion.
"Well you see, if what you say is true, this museum may be willing to pay you a handsome sum of money for them to be put on display."
"Then we're leaving." She said as she turned to leave. "I will not part with any of them."
The curator was shocked as Andrew followed her out of the exhibit. "W-Wait! The museum wouldn't try to rip you off, this would benefit both parties!"
"How, I would have to give up my valuables?" She said as Andrew looked at the curator apologetically.
"Sorry, she's a bit possessive."
"W-What about a loan then?! We'll pay you to borrow it for awhile then we'll give them back!" He called desperately.
"Never! They are mine and mine alone! Anyone who dares to possess them other than me will suffer dearly." She spat coldly.
"Please, there has to be something we can offer you!" He called as she shook her head. "You would still own then if you loaned them to us, you can have them back after a while!"
"Continue to pester me on my date and you will suffer first." She spoke making Andrew pale and rub her back.
"Let's just say we'll think it over." He chuckled nervously before whispering. "Please don't go cursing people."
"But he wants my things!" She hissed back.
"Only for a bit, you can have them back, he just wants to show other people how amazing and nice they are." He said in hopes of calming her down. "Why don't you at least consider it and I'll do something nice for you, along with not putting a curse on him."
"... I'll consider it." She said as her face turned red. "But you better keep your word."
"I will." He said as he turned towards the curator. "She'll consider it."
"Oh thank you! Please contact me later and we will work out a deal." He said as he handed Andrew a piece of paper with a number on it.
The two left the museum with Andrew rubbing Ankheititat's back while unaware her servants watched the whole thing from the shadows.
"It seems he was capable of avoiding an incident, interesting."
"Indeed, I was sure she was going to bring that museum down, especially with the dead mummy on display."
"Perhaps he may have some smarts to him but it's too soon to tell."
"Agreed, though I wonder if our queen will end up giving the museum any of her treasure?"
"I don't know, but I wonder what he whispered to her?"
"If it's for them to bed later, we will need to make sure he does not turn her into a mindless sex slave."
"Agreed, I'll prepare the snakes." One said with a frown.
(Later)
Ankheititat hummed as she was currently trying to learn how to knit while watching a channel on TV for beginners. "Alright, knit one purl two, knit one purl two."
"Ankheititat, where are you, I have good news!" Called Andrew running around the temple and looking tired. "And it's big too!"
"I'm in the tv room, what is it?" She called curiously. "What's the big news?"
"I got myself a job!"
"Really? That's amazing! Where?" She called as she put the needles down.
"Well as it turns out it's where I can be as pissed off and angry without anyone getting mad at me."
"Really? But I thought you said every job was like that, how is this one different?"
"I got a job at the local radio tower who wanted me to do a job of reacting to all sorts of stuff that piss me off. They want to get high ratings purely to hear me lose my shit over all kinds of subjects because people like hearing someone else get mad."
"That's perfect for you, I'm so proud!" She smiled hugging him with him doing the same.
"I know right? The more people tune in the higher my paycheck. Now I don't need to worry about stupid rules and people getting in my way."
"Great, I say we celebrate~" She said with a grin as she began to make her way towards him.
"You read my mind." He said with a grin as he began to take off his clothes.
(Later)
"Um….what are you girls doing?"
"We have to clean the crocodiles pen, but they're getting restless today, the queen hasn't visited them yet."
'Well she HAS been pretty busy when she learned what a bj is, so that's on me.' He thought coughing into his hand. "Well it can't be that bad, you all look like you can take them easy."
"We can, but there's not enough of us to keep control of them AND clean the pen at once." Said one as she pinned down one of the large scaly creatures.
"Well, maybe I could lend some help."
"How, the crocodiles are jealous of you and would try to eat you."
"Or at the very least try to eat your limbs off."
"Relax, you just make your move while I distract them." He cleared his throat and moved away from the girls. "Hey you scaly ass mother fuckers!"
That got the crocodiles attention as they let out a roar as they turned to him.
"You mad? You mad that I'm taking your mom's attention? Well what are you scaly fucks gonna do? If you're mad, then show me your balls and come at me!"
The crocodiles roared before they began to race towards him as he ran away.
"Come and get me fuckers!"
"What are you doing?! Those are descendants of Sobek!"
"Just clean up their pen! They want my ass not yours!" He yelled while sticking his tongue at the reptiles. "Come on! I've seen turtles that run faster than you!"
"I wonder how long until they change, descendants of gods always carry some type of transformation magic in them." Muttered one of the hawk girls.
"Who cares, let's just get cleaning while they're gone!"
The girls rushed to clean the waste up while Andrew kept running around the building, through rooms, and up the stairs who were eager to rip him apart.
"Hahaha, come and get me you slow assholes!" He called as he ran, not noticing that they began to glow. "If you're suppose to be special then that makes me a leprechaun!"
They growled as they began to change, growing taller and thinner as they became more humanoid as he rounded a sharp corner.
"You animals will never get me!" he laughed before seeing a spear nearly get his ear and hit the wall, making him turn and go wide eyed. "Oh you gotta be shitting me!"
"Die mother stealer!" Cried an angry female voice as others joined in.
"Oh god damn it!" He screamed seeing the crocodiles had either female or male bodies, croc heads, and were catching up. "I-I was kidding about the animals comment!"
"Tear him limb from limb, once he's gone mother will love us again!"
"I will chew the meat from his skull!"
"Off with his ribs!"
"Hey wait! Let's talk this out!" He yelled running down the stairs. "Your mom still loves you, really! She's just been busy nowadays!"
"Loving you! She doesn't visit us as often, all her attention is on you, it's all about you!"
"She hasn't fed us herself in days!"
"You're hogging her!"
"Now take your death like a man!"
'They can't keep this up all day, right?'
(An hour later)
"Ankheititat! HEEEELLLLPPPP!" He cried as he panted, nearly out of breath as the crocodiles pounded on the door he was pushing against. "Can't you guys go take a piss!"
"I'll piss on your corpse!" yelled one before a hand burst through and lashed out near his head.
'How much longer are those girls gonna need?!'
"Andrew, where are you?" He heard his wife call, making all of the crocodiles raise their heads.
"Mom?"
"Mommy?"
"Mother?"
Andrew heard them quick run off making him sigh in relief. "Oh thank you god, or Egyptian gods, or whoever heard me."
"Whoa, what are you all doing here and in your human forms?"
"We wanted to find you, we missed you mommy!"
"You hardly ever come feed us mom!"
"You just spend your time with the new guy, we don't like him!"
"Oh no, no, mommy still loves you all!" She spoke trying to hug them all. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to leave you all alone, I just want to learn and adjust to this new and modern world."
"Can you promise to try to spend more time with us?" One asked as Andrew frowned.
'They have her wrapped around their fingers!'
"Yes, I'll try to come by and spend time with you all, but in return I want you to try and give Andrew a chance. After all, he IS my husband."
"Awww…. Fine, we'll give him a chance." Said one with a frown.
"You sure we can't eat part of him though?"
"No, you can't eat any of him, he's your new daddy after all." She said with a smile.
"Can we gnaw on him if he makes you sad though?"
"Don't worry, if he makes me sad I know he'll try to cheer me up." She said as she patted one of their heads.
Andrew felt touched hearing that before feeling someone tap on his shoulder and turned to see it was the other servants. "Hey, did you manage to clean the pen in time?"
"Yes, we actually finished it in the first hour when you got them to chase you."
"Wait, then why didn't you come and help me out then?!"
"We thought you had it handled." Smiled one making him deadpan as the others chuckled. "And from the looks of things, you did."
"Haha, very funny, next time you can be the one being chased by a horde of crazy reptiles." He dryly remarked before one patted his back.
"We appreciate it though. You managed to survive through sheer will alone when you could have simply left us be. After all as the queen's husband you ARE entitled to order us."
"I'm pretty sure if I pushed my luck with you all I'd end up with a knife in my throat." He muttered.
"I will not confirm or deny that, but yes, and if you give us any orders now we will follow them….my king." She spoke bowing with the others doing the same making him blink in surprise. "Do you request anything?"
"Um...well...maybe I'll just request the coach for the next few hours, my calves are on fire."
"Understood my king, though I can't guarantee that the queen won't want to share it with you."
"I won't mind, but since you're done, you can all take a break." he remarked before walking pass them.
(Later)
"So you're telling me this activity is called…. People watching?" She asked as they sat by one of the temples windows.
"Yeah, you just sit here watching people go by with their day. It's a fresh break from the internet or tv, and sometimes I even pretend to guess what the people are saying when you see their lips moving."
"Really, and the people don't mind at all?"
"Well usually they have no idea what's going on to begin with so yeah, they don't mind." he smiled before pointing to two guys talking. "Hey, watch this. Hey bro, did you hear about that Andrew guy's rant on politics? I couldn't stop laughing my ass off." He spoke while trying to sound goofy.
"Haha, I think I'm starting to get it." She chuckled as she scanned the sidewalks before stopping at a mother with several children. "Oh! Let me try." She cleared her throat. "Now now children, if you aren't nice and pray to the great god Horus tonight, he shall plague us and our descendants." she spoke before bursting out laughing with Andrew pretty neutral.
"Uh, yeah like that." He said with a sweatdrop.
"I want to try the children now!" She laughed before making her voice high pitched. "But mommy, we don't wanna pray, we wanna play and have fun with the crocodiles!"
"No! If you play with them they shall rip your flesh right off!"
"Oh nooo!"
'Well at least I can safely say she caught on quick.'
"Play with your little brother and teach him how to rule other the other children with an iron fist as you begin your empire."
"Well while you have fun, I'm gonna grab a soda from the fridge."
"Ok, I'll be here." She said as he got up. 'Those kids are quite cute, I'd almost forgotten how innocent and cute they are.' She gazed down while noting how some couples were passing by in her sight making her smile and even saw a few holding hands. 'They look so happy just like Andrew and me, but why do I feel like something is missing?'
She propped her head up with one arm and noticed a man holding a door open for a pregnant woman who smiled and rubbed her stomach before she felt a torch light up in her head.
'That's it! I need a heir, the ultimate sign of love and closeness in a couple!' She thought as she began to hear Andrew come back and grinned.
"So, who are you imitating now? Is it that real fat guy?" He asked before taking a long sip from the can.
"Andrew, I want a heir."
And cue Andrew spitting his soda out of the window and looked at his wife in shock. "W-W-What?!"
"I want a baby Andrew, and I want one now~" She said as she reached over and began to tug at his pants.
"W-Woah there!" He jumped back and covered his groin. "N-Now look, I get that's something a couple does, but much much later in life! Not after a few months!"
"And why not? I want a baby, we love each other, we're financially stable, isn't that enough?"
"Well for the most part, but what about financially? Do you know how much it costs just to put a kid through school? Raising one when it's a baby is just asking for all sorts of stuff to watch out for."
"Like what?" She asked in confusion. "I have a loyal army that will help us raise our little offspring."
"Like how to register him with your name when he's…..oh wait, you can just curse them to not ask questions. But what about money? My job is paying sure, but I don't know if it's enough for everything we'll need to buy."
"What are you talking about, I was buried with everything I could ever need for the afterlife, which oddly enough included several items meant for infants that I had as a child, and some of the servants know how to weave so they can make us diapers."
'Crap, she's persistent about this. Oh!' "But what about the crocodiles? Aren't they already your babies?"
"I always love having more babies and they would be ecstatic over getting a little brother or sister."
"Um….uh….maybe let's think it over for about...a month or two, just to be on the safe side."
"Oh don't worry, we'll have nine months to worry about it~" She purred as she began to stalk towards him.
'Oh crap, she's got that look in her eyes!' He thought before sighing. 'Well, when a husband is forced with a situation like this there is only one solution.' He thought before turning around and running as fast as he could. 'Run away!'
"Hey! Get back here Andrew!" She yelled before darting after him with her bandages rising off her. "Put a baby in me!"
"I'm not ready to be a father!"
"What if I put on that piece of 'lingerie' you bought me!?"
"...oh come on! That's dirty pool and you know it!"
"All's fair in love and war and I'm ready to make love!"
'Oh man, I hope she doesn't wind up with twins, or triplets, lord knows one of them will end up just like her.'
(Later)
"I knew you would come around." She sighed happily as she patted her now larger belly.
"Yeah well, you wore me down." He joked. 'Literally and physically. My balls are gonna be sore for a month!'
"Yes, I wonder if I'll have octuplets like my mother?"
"Wait, what?"
"Oh yes, and given modern medicine they all might even live into adulthood, I was the only one to live long enough." She smiled while hugging his arm. "They'll be so lively with such a big family."
'Oh god, note to self, get vasectomy when balls heal.'
