Guilt and Regret

Chapter 43

As he landed in the Headmaster's office at Hogwarts stumbling upon his unstable feet, the only thought that kept running through his mind was that why did Sirius stop him from giving away the orb. That useless ball of glass had absolutely no importance before someone's life. And Sirius told him that he still loved her, this was what pissed him off the most. Was all that love just a show or maybe he never really loved her as much as he pretended to. He had a million questions bubbling in his tired brain, the questions he wanted to ask Dumbledore, to Sirius, Remus and also Blaze. 'But she's gone.' argued his mind but he refused to believe it maybe because lying to himself reduced the pain. A complicated mixture of emotions was stewing inside him, but the next moment anger took over. He picked one of the instruments resting on the centre table and smashed in hard on the floor.

Just then the floo flared and Dumbledore walked out of the bright green flames, "I am extremely regretful of the delay, my boy. The media had arrived just in time to acknowledge the event." , he said moving towards his throne-like chair and slumping on it. Harry nodded but no words were ready to exit his mouth. The whole incident was on a repeat telecast in his mind, then in an attempt to push it away he managed to spit out the first thing that popped in his mind, "Are….the others alright?", he stammered staring at the ground.

"Everyone is fine, they are currently being looked after by Madam Pomphrey.", answered Dumbledore not lowering his gaze from Harry's face. Harry's anger flared, "They are not. How can you even say that everyone is alright? What about Blaze, eh? She's dead and a very painful death that too. She lost her life BECAUSE OF ME. AND YOU SAY THAT EVERYONE IS ALRIGHT.", he spat as the words stabbed him. He wasn't still ready to accept what had happened, with that he picked another one of Dumbledore's instrument and flung it across the room breaking it into pieces. "I want you to calm down Harry. Come and have a seat.", said Dumbledore gesturing towards one of the chairs nearby.

"You want me to calm down. Do you really think it is possible? How can you expect someone to calm down if they've lost someone when they could actually save them? I COULD'VE SAVED HER. SHE WOULDN'T HAVE DIED….if only I didn't listen to Sirius and given them the prophecy."

"Do not blame Sirius for what he did, Harry. He did that only because it was the right thing to do. It was very important for us to protect that prophecy and keep it away from the Dark Lord and his followers. And do not think that what Sirius did, didn't bother him.", answered the old wizard.

This was enough to blow Harry's temper to the seventh heaven, "WHATEVER. SIRIUS. DID. DIDN'T. BOTHER. HIM. AND I DON'T CARE IF IT DID. AND HOW DARE YOU CONSIDER THAT ORB FULL OF NONSENSE GREATER THAN A LIFE. I NEVER EXPECTED YOU TO BELIEVE IN SUCH THINGS AND YOU KNOW WHAT, AT FIRST I THOUGHT THAT I WAS THE RESON SHE DIED BUT NOW I BELIVE THAT YOU AND SIRIUS HAVE AN EQUAL SHARE IN IT. YOU ARE ALSO THE REASON SHE IS DEAD.", he said smashing a few more objects lying around and kicking the centre table and upturning it. Dumbledore hung his head down as if ashamed of his deed then raised it again.

"Don't say that you don't care, Harry. I know you do. You care so much that you think that you could bleed to death with the pain of it.", he said, "There is no denying the fact that I am to blame for your godmother's condition, Harry but it was essential for us to protect that prophecy and it is essential for you to understand why." Harry was about to interrupt him but he stopped him, "Now, if you will please take a seat. I assure you that once I am done, you can do whatever you'd like to. Even destroy every single possession of mine, I am afraid I've got a lot of them to help you vent your anger. Harry, please." On that Harry slowly moved towards his desk and sat on the armchair before him.

Meanwhile, Sirius was sitting under the tree by the Black lake. It was dark and cold out there but nothing really signified, he had been sitting there for the past few minutes now but it seemed like a lifetime. All his senses were numb and the only thing that he could feel was blankness within him. Everything was blank and empty, despite being surrounded by the endless beauty of Hogwarts nothing really seemed to be normal. It took him so much time only to cope with the death of James and Lily and when he finally started to come through he lost one more person he had ones truly loved.

"SIRIUS", shouted Remus pushing him hard, finally pulling him back to the present, "You've got to come with me to the Hospital wing. There is something…..oh forget it. Just come with.", he said grinning from ear to ear. No one had ever seen Remus so happy since the first Wizarding war. Sirius felt very strange looking at him but before he could spit out anything or ask him about what happened he was being dragged to the Hospital wing.

Dumbledore had explained Harry about the prophecy and its contents. He had told him about why was the prophecy so important and how he was in some way or the other connected to the Dark lord, "I hope you understand my plight now, my boy. I had no other option than to protect the prophecy so that you are out of danger and that is why Sirius…..", but something interrupted their conversation. A bright ball of light entered through the open window. Upon having a clear look at it Harry realised that it was a Patronus but no one he knew had a hen Patronus.

"You were right, Albus. The Curse is dead. Come and have a look for yourself.", rang the Patronus and vanished as it delivered the message. None it actually made sense to Harry but I was clearly evident that Dumbledore understood a great deal. His eyes were once again twinkling and a small smile played on his face as he stood up and walked towards the heavy oak doors, "I think it would be best if you accompany me.", he said turning towards Harry. He nodded then moved to stand beside Dumbledore who was fidgeting with his wand.

The duo then walked downstairs and towards the Hospital wing. It appeared so that something had happened with one of the people injured in the battle because as they turned to the Hospital wing corridor they met Remus and Sirius who were apparently headed towards the infirmary too. Harry stole a peek at Sirius who was being practically dragged by Remus. He did look good, all his injuries were still unattended and his face was tear-stained which was very different considering the type of person he was but he himself was no better. But he didn't look at him or Remus for long, as the only thing he could their faces reminded was Blaze's death, also he was in a state to express his anger at them so he decided to just silently follow Dumbledore to wherever he was taking him.

"Ah, there you are Albus.", said Madam Pomfrey as they entered the infirmary, "You were right about the Curse. It is dead. There she is.", she said pointing towards the last bed on the left-hand side, but like all other occupied beds, it was also hidden by the curtains. "What do mean by that?", asked Sirius speaking for the first time in all this while. "You can see that for yourself. But first let me patch you up a bit, you too Harry. Both of you look terrible. Until then Remus you and Albus can go meet her."

"You go ahead, Albus. I think I can wait for a little while until Sirius and Harry are done.", said Remus offering Albus a curt nod. Albus smiled then turned and walked away towards the other end of the infirmary. Madam Pomphrey pulled both the boys towards two empty beds on the right-hand side. She checked both of them for major injuries. Sirius had a broken collar bone, several cuts and bruised ribs, whereas Harry had fractured his arm and some of his toes along with that he too had several gashes all over his body. Fixing up all of this took at least half an hour and they were asked to spend at least two days in the Hospital wing but the worst part was that despite asking a hundred question about what were they talking about neither Remus or Madam Pomphrey spoke a word.

"All done, now all three can go and see her but make it quick.",she said moving away from their beds. Things started clearing in Harry's head now. They were going to see the dead body, this was going to be the most dreadful thing of his life. A firm hand slowly crept along his shoulder as they got closer. Sirius's hand, but why was it there he had no right to console him when he didn't let him save her. Harry swiftly jerked it away and avoided eye contact with either of them.

They reached the last bed and Remus hurriedly slid through leaving the other two who stood there staring at the curtains. Just then Remus returned and pulled them in. "Looks who's her to meet you, Blaze.", he said the words rang so loud in Harry's heart that he thought it would explode. Blaze was lying there with her head resting on three high pillows supporting her back. She was horribly injured the last time any of them saw her but now she was different. Several bandages were wrapped over the wounds and the bruises had vanished, she looked very weak but more like herself now.

Hearing the words she slowly opened her eyes to look at them but nothing was very clear everything was still a blur but there was no more pain. Things felt better than they ever did. Both Harry and Sirius looked at each other for the first time in all this while, trying to take in what just happened. Was this happening for real or was it just their mind playing games. Harry didn't think for long and tried testing it. He moved close to her and slipped his fingers in her hand. She reciprocated by gently holding it, and that was enough for cementing his belief. He quickly leapt and hugged her as tight as he could, tears started running from his eyes and refused to stop, "I..thought that I lost you.", he whispered between sobs, she ran her hand to his back in order to calm him down a bit, "Shush now cub. Everything's alright. I'm right here with you.", she said in a barely audible voice, as she stroked his back. Although, being held so tightly made her back pain but it felt good so she didn't mind very much. "Leave her now, Potter. Or she'll die of asphyxiation", smirked a familiar voice of Severus Snape.

"I think Severus is right Harry.", said Poppy slowly pulling him away. Blaze slowly shifted making space for Harry to sit, "Sit here, Harry.", she said patting the mattress, "I don't think that is possible now, Blaze. These boys have to rest now and so do you. Come on now, Potter go back to your bed, Remus if you will please. And you Albus and Severus, I would really appreciate it you would be kind enough to leave my patients alone.", said Madam Pomphrey shooing everyone away.

Sirius still stood there as motionless as a statue. Blaze looked at him still not being able to comprehend his condition. She slowly held out her hand towards him and he slipped his into it. Then sat on the bed near her, "How dare you leave like that?", he asked pressing his lips on the back of her hand, "You've got…..no idea how broken I was. First, James and Lily…..then you."

But she didn't speak a word instead she grabbed Sirius's robes in order to pull herself upright, then wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head on his chest, "Sorry", was all she said as tears started falling on her gown. Sirius breathed a sigh of relief and was about to say something when he heard someone clearing their throat from the other side of the curtains. He slowly lowered her back on the mattress then turned to see who it was.

Madam Pomphrey stood there with a tray in her hands, "I asked you to go back to your bed, Black didn't I.", she seethed as Sirius nodded in reply,"Then why are you still here. Get out of here, quick and make sure you take the potions I've kept on your bedside. Now go."

Sirius made a very sour face and walked away, then came back after a few moments, "Can I ask you something, Poppy?", he said walking back in, "Make it quick", she replied. "Can I get this bed instead?", he asked pointing at the bed before Blaze's. Poppy gave him an icy stare then spat, "Go back to YOUR bed, Black.", and drew up the curtains.