08/06/2015

Dear Evie,

This past week has been an invariable amount of false hopes. I've been experiencing Braxton Hicks contractions almost every day this week. The first time it happened, I panicked thinking it was time, so I told your dad and we headed to the hospital from the precinct. We were sent away because I was not in labor. The next day it happened again while I was in interrogation as luck would have it. It is hard to appear authoritative when you are grimacing in pain. I did manage to freak out the suspect enough that he confessed his sins. You managed to help me play "Bad Cop" even before you are born.

The countdown to meet you is slowly running out and while I would never trade the last 9 months I have had you growing inside of me, it will be amazing when I can see my toes again and not feel the need to use the bathroom every hour. The hourly bathroom breaks will soon be replaced with frequent feedings and diaper changes. I am very glad your dad convinced me to take an extended maternity leave because I have a feeling I will be very exhausted when it comes time for me to return to work and I could use the extra weeks to recuperate, which might not even happen.

My dad came over for a visit the other day and he brought a pastel colored, crocheted afghan. I recognized it instantly. It was a blanket from my childhood, one that my mom had made while she was pregnant with me. I started crying while I held it, wishing my mother was here to experience this with me. I wish for so many missed memories that I could have had with her. I wish she could have met your dad. She was a huge fan of his writing, even before I started reading his books. I have no doubt that my mom would have loved him. She would have loved how unconditionally caring he is, how he loves wholeheartedly and how great of a father he is. She would no doubt take comfort in the fact that your dad loves me and he is never afraid to show it. Most of all, I wish my mom could have met you. I suppose if heaven is real and that is where my mom is, then you two probably did meet in a transcendental capacity. I am not one to think spiritually, but I like to imagine that my mom sent you to me and your dad, like she picked your soul out of all the other souls knowing that only you would help me grow, help me be more than who I am. The afghan is now draped over the rails of your crib to remind me that my mom is always near, watching over us all, especially you.

We are expecting you in 12 days unless you decide to come early or come late, which I hope you won't do because I really want to meet you. We all can feel the buzz of excitement in the loft knowing that soon there will be a brand new person joining our family. The anticipation is making us all crazy.

I hope to see you soon Little One. Remember I will love you for always.

Love, Mom