42 The Last Sunset
On the way back to Yusnaan, Caius felt different.
He and Lightning stuck to the shadows as best as they could, avoiding guards, distracting them when they could not, and made it to the train without incident. She did not speak the entire time except to give directions, the rest of the time using hand signals hailing from her military background to direct him. Only when they stepped onto the train and it rolled away did she finally breathe out in obvious relief.
Caius, though, felt no real relief.
He had been released of the burden of guilt toward Lightning. Whether he wanted to accept it or not, the reality was that she had forgiven him, and in turn, that sullied part of his heart had been sanctified. It felt good. To know she was not angry and carried no ill will because of his past failures lifted a great weight from his soul. Forgiving himself would take time – that much he could already tell – but it would be easier, now.
But he still withheld a very deep secret from her. He wanted to tell her, so much so that it cut into his soul and made him want to rage, but he kept quiet.
He felt fear, creeping through his blood, at the thought of the world's end. And he, perhaps the single most powerful man to ever exist on the planet, did not feel fear as others tended to. Beyond himself and his own anxiety at having to go into the dark beyond with her eyes haunting him for the rest of eternity, he wondered what could await them in the world's final hours. Bhunivelze had expressed his displeasure in horrifying ways, whether it was throwing his Liberator into the Sea of Chaos or sending Pulse to decimate a continent. If Lightning made it to the end – and he would make sure she did – the possibilities waiting there were unthinkable.
And he had heard the prophecies regarding the world's end. The heavens going dark. Chaos rippling out through reality to engulf all things. A final battle between two incredibly powerful forces. A clash of armies so great it would blacken the earth. Yeul had spoken dozens of prophecies, from the slumbering crystal of Bhunivelze awakening to Etro weeping over the world's fate, and her own.
He had not known then that he would become part of the prophecies. What the fal'Cie had failed to do, he had accomplished with mere centuries of patience.
Driven, of course, by grief, and love. Things they did not understand.
Lightning coughing into the crook of her elbow, then rubbing at the joint while making a sound of displeasure, was what drew him back to the present. He had been standing still and staring out at the passing scenery, but was only too glad to pry his eyes and his mind away from the glittering Sea.
When he looked at her, she looked at him. "I told you Lightning isn't my real name, right?"
He honestly couldn't remember. "Perhaps."
She made a face. "Yeah, I can't really remember, either. Too much has happened. At least my brain's stopped buzzing." Sighing, she rubbed her wrist across her forehead. They were the only passengers in this car; the other occupants resided in the other cars, behind closed doors. "Well, it's not."
Having grown up in a land where names often took on elements of their surroundings – the flora, the earth, the weather, even the animals – he had never thought to question hers. "How did you get it?"
"I picked it for myself because I wanted to be strong for Serah."
A self-chosen moniker. "That does not surprise me."
"That predictable, huh?" Snorting softly, she shook her head. The fading light shimmered on her hair – it was rough, a little tangled, evidently unmanaged for a good length of time, but it still shone with rose-gold hues, and when she looked at him next, it was through a sweep of golden-tinged bangs. "I remember telling you our parents died when I was fifteen and Serah was twelve. That was when I decided I had to be stronger, so I picked my new name and got tough. It got me all the way here, at least."
The way the light fell illuminated her eyes from the side, scattering sunset colors across the clear blue, and the sight of it clenched his heart. "You are very strong," he said, and meant it. "Among the strongest I have met, or had the pleasure of knowing. Though..." Hesitating, he felt his brown furrow; she tucked her hair behind her ear. "I do not know you as well as I wish I did."
"There isn't enough time," she said. She sighed. "I kind of wish we could discuss Valhalla."
"Is there something to discuss?"
"Well..." Frowning, she chewed her lip. "I... guess? I really just want to know if, you know, if you..." A hand came to her shoulder; she rubbed the joint with her fingertips. "Did you intend to kill me?"
Honesty was best. "Not at first."
"Ah." One rose-colored eyebrow went up. "Later, you did?"
"I wished you out of the way, but you became so..." He tilted his head. "...troublesome."
Her lips twitched, then formed a small smile that softened her entire expression – which, despite his appreciation of it, only drove the knife deeper. "That so, huh? Guess I did my job." The smile faded. "Makes me wonder, what if I could have stopped you? What would have happened then?"
"Recall what I said about the future."
"Right, yeah." She sighed. "You know, not knowing how the future will unfold is going to be... kind of nice."
"It will be a refreshing change of pace for us all."
Lightning seemed to study him. "Yeah."
Caius was silent for a long time. More than anything, he just wanted to be near her, to get to know her, but knew it would be difficult enough just to get her to open up to him at all. She was doing it, slowly. He appreciated that, and yet he knew there would not be enough time before they would part ways. That was the part that kept him wary and forced him to keep his distance. He wouldn't mind finding a friend in her, but there wasn't time.
For a few minutes, she was quiet, looking out the window at the Sea.
"What is your real name, then?" he said.
Lightning looked at him. Her brow furrowed. "I, uh, it's... it's hard to explain, but I don't, uh... like just telling people what it is, you know? It's a remnant of what I used to be, when I had to hold Serah because she was crying about our mother dying." For an instant, her eyes shifted away – a flinch, perhaps. "And, uh... there was a lot that happened then. I don't really like recalling it."
"So you seal away your true name in order to hide away from your past?"
She looked startled. "I... well..."
"Your past is your own, Lightning, no matter how unpleasant. Running away does nothing." He rubbed a hand over his face. "I have had to own up to everything I did. There is still more, deep within my past, I am coming to terms with. You should not hide it. You should accept it."
"That's not..." She shook her head. "...what this is about, Caius. Don't pretend you know me."
"I am not pretending. I am observing."
"You're right, my past is past, but I don't have to like it," she muttered, expression turning dour. "I don't need my past, I don't need my heart, and I don't need to be anything but 'Lightning'. She is who I am now. Bringing the other woman back isn't something I'm keen on doing. Drop it."
He looked away from her, but could not bear to return his gaze to the Sea and instead turned his focus inward. At least there, within his own heart, no one could touch him.
Not even Yeul had delved that deeply into his shell. He had successfully kept it hidden from her.
The last part of himself that was his own.
Now he turned his back to her, hiding his expression. Alone with his thoughts and himself, in the chaos, surrounded by both adoring girls and those who sent out wails of despair at him being forced to remain, watching the endless flow of time in the new world, bearing witness to the echoes of memory within the chaos...
If he did not go mad, it would be a miracle.
They rode the rest of the way in silence, arriving as the sun sank into the horizon and the sky turned a range of vibrant hues. From the looks of things, Yusnaan was preparing for yet another night of revelry, and they were greeted by smiling, scantily-clad women adorned with colorful feathers.
"This, as I understand, is the last sunset this world will see."
Lightning dismissed a nearby chocobo girl with a wave of the hand and frowned at him. "But... tomorrow..."
"Do you think the chaos will not seep out before then?"
Her frown deepened. "So, you're saying it could begin consuming the world long before the end actually happens?"
"I expect to witness many odd wonders as the chaos descends."
Lightning raised an eyebrow. "You know, I almost hate to say it, but... I'm kind of curious what we'll see."
Of course she was. "As am I."
"Let's go back to the palace," she said. "I want to talk to Snow some more about what's going on. And..." She glanced back at the sky. "...maybe get a good look at that before it goes away. Come on."
They made their way through the crowds, ignoring the chocobo girls calling out to them and people hawking their wares. As they began to pass the fountain, he looked over at the water to see it spraying into the air and an array of colors dancing upon it – a spectacular display, no doubt intended to be a colorful backdrop to Olga, who was in the midst of practicing over by the piano.
He slowed to watch the water, but didn't realize he had stopped until his companion snagged his wrist and pulled him along a few steps, reminding him he needed to keep going.
"Hey, you two!"
Caius stopped and glanced in the direction of the voice. Lightning also stopped, though a little further along, and she turned to face the owner. "Fang?" she said, raising both eyebrows. It was indeed her, still dressed in orange and gold robes that shimmered when she moved, her spear slung across her back. At first, she appeared to be alone, but then he spotted Vanille behind her, looking the other way, interested in a street vendor.
"Yeah, figured I'd come out and... try to shake loose." Fang rubbed a hand through her hair. "Uh, look, we just got down here. We know the world's endin' tomorrow."
"It's fine." Lightning waved her hands. "I'm not gonna stop you, don't worry."
"Of course you won't," the other woman told her, "because if you tried, you'd get a talkin' to. There's no way I'm takin' Vanille away from all this. Right, missy?" She looked at the younger woman, but Vanille still paid no mind, hands clasped behind her back, bent slightly over a display. "Yeah. See?"
Lightning smiled slightly. "Good, you both need it. I'm gonna go speak to Snow and see what's up, then I might just... crash out for the night."
"What? No, you can't do that!" Fang looked incredulous. "It's the last evening of peace! Come on, join me for a behemoth steak or something! Hang out, enjoy the nightlife!"
"I'm not... really..." Trailing off, the rose-haired warrior tipped her head. Furrows appeared in her brow, but they seemed more amused than anxious. "Well... maybe. I'll consider it."
"Meet me by the meat vendor," Fang said.
"I said I'd consider–"
"Nah, you're comin', whether you like it or not." Now she looked directly at Caius, a glitter of mischief in her eye he wasn't sure how to take, and smirked. "And you better come along as well. Of all the people to enjoy what's left of the world, don't you think you should be here, huh?"
Caius did not think so, but he knew better than to express that thought. "Perhaps."
She visibly hesitated. "Sorry about before, by the way. For hitting you."
"It is of no consequence."
She opened and closed her mouth, then shrugged.
Lightning continued on toward the palace, and Caius followed on her heels. They did not speak again until they were inside the palace, picking their way past the collapsed statue and ignoring the curious sniffing of the gorgon on a leash held by one of the guards. Only when her boots tapped out a rhythm on the marble floor inside the palace did she slow her gait and speak again.
"Can't believe she wants me out there." She sighed. "I've never been one for that sort of thing."
"And yet, you should do it," he said. "It would do you well."
"Maybe. But it's not like I can take anything with me if I buy something here. I don't see a point."
"Perhaps to enjoy a world that will die soon?"
Her steps slowed. At the base of the marble staircase, she placed a hand on the banister, then turned and looked right into his eyes. "You mean, to breathe the air and tastes the spoils of a land that's rotting away? What's the point other than making memories I'd look back on in distaste or even pain?"
He moved closer to her and bent slightly over her shoulder. "Even the memories that hurt are worth having," he said in a soft voice. "It is better..." He trailed off a moment, then took a breath and forced himself to continue. "...better to have memories of beautiful things, even if they cause you pain."
That was when he realized his hypocrisy had to end. He too would carry memories of a land he had loved past the end of the world. He would recall ancient faces, the traditions of a dead people, the mighty fal'Cie, the turn of the seasons, the stars, the bellow of a behemoth on the hunt, the way the grass shimmered in the light of the sun when a warm breeze blew over it. He would carry the memory of all those he had hurt and the face of this woman, so strong and beautiful, within his heart. And he could ponder them whenever he wished. And whenever he did not.
No. When he hurt, he was alive. He was not a living shadow. He was alive.
Then she said, "I wish you'd tell me what you're hiding."
He did not withdraw. "My apologies."
Their face were not very far apart at that moment, and he held the gaze she gave him, even at that distance, to see what she would do. There was dust in her hair, a mild bruise on her jaw, a few minor scratches pale with age, on her sunkissed skin, her hair tinged gold. Her eyes were large, blue as the sky, rimmed with thick black lashes over which arched slightly uneven, narrow brows matching her hair. Yet, for all the imperfections, he saw the familiar strength in her eyes, and the beauty of the woman looking back at him enthralled him.
He let himself take in every detail. He would regret it when the time came. He knew that. But he could not overrule the feelings cascading through his heart.
"You know, you have..." Lightning stopped, blinked, and turned away. "Come on."
Snow Villiers had stumbled through a great deal of his life. He had been raised in an orphanage, never knowing what happened to his parents. Maybe they were dead at the time. Maybe they had abandoned him. He had founded NORA and discovered purpose fending off monsters, but still felt aimless. He had found Serah, and only then had the pieces of his life begun to click into place. He hadn't realized then, of course, that he hadn't grown up yet. Only now, after managing a city and shedding the skin of his childhood, did he know.
He would never be the same again, of course. The man Serah would greet in the new world would not be the same Snow she had last seen in the Coliseum. But he hoped she would love him anyway.
It would, after all, all be over soon.
The end of the world was very soon. He felt in the air, the earth, even in the people. It was as though they knew, somehow, the end was barreling toward them. Perhaps they felt relief. He certainly did – five centuries of darkness were about to be tossed aside as though they had never happened, except for the marks left on the hearts of those who had survived to the very end. Noel would never be the same, he knew – he might smile again, but he had grown up quite a lot. Vanille had certainly changed during her many experiences. Fang and Sazh still had their base personalities, but the realities of the last five hundred years were still visible.
What would Lightning be like in the new world? How much of her old self would still be there? Would she be able to smile again, just like old times?
She and Caius came to see him after Fang and Vanille had left to see the sights. Sazh was still around, and Noel had decided to stick around, as well. Neither of them spoke when Lightning came up to him, merely sitting in silence and listening while she told him everything.
She told him new things, and reiterated other things. She told him that the world would begin to end before nightfall, based on what she knew, and that they should expect anything to happen. She told him that Caius would help her until they reached they end, and then he would have to stay behind to watch over the chaos with Yeul. She told him she would be going out into the city to experience the wonder of the world one last time, then return to bed to rest up for the last day, the final stretch at the end of the world.
She expected to go up against Bhunivelze himself in some sort of final battle. Whether it came to blows would be entirely up to how reasonable he felt.
Through it all, Caius stood at her side, silent, unmoving, expressionless. It reminded him of the glimpses he had gotten of the Guardian standing at the side of the seeress. Was that what he thought of Lightning now? Was she his charge, something more precious to him than his own life?
Did she know about that?
They formulated a plan, tried to guess where the final stand would take place, and Snow spoke of the Order and their headquarters in the Luxerion cathedral. From what information had come through from the other cities, the Order had gathered in the cathedral to await the final day and encourage others to do the same. Together, he and Lightning came to the conclusion that that was the most likely place. It was the seat of Bhunivelze's power. It only made sense that he would be there. It had also been intended to be the site where those trapped in the chaos would be destroyed, but without the Clavis, the people would remain trapped, neither living nor dying. Vanille would need to go there, and she would have to figure out how to free them.
And Bhunivelze, and all his followers, would be waiting for them. Whatever it was he wanted, now that the curtain had been thrown back on his plans, he would execute it there.
Then Lightning looked at him, telling him very firmly that Serah would come back, too, and that they would all go to the new world together. She said she looked forward to spending time with her family and friends again, and she was ready to take a break from all the fighting. But then, in a hushed voice, she said that, with Pulse dead, she knew Bhunivelze would dispatch something else to try and stop them.
He thought of Orphan, and shivered.
As the last big population center not favored by Bhunivelze, Yusnaan would suffer next.
He knew it deep in his soul.
When they left, they left side by side, without speaking. Snow watched them go and mulled over what he had seen.
He had been stumbling a long time. Now, he had purpose.
Rubbing his fingertips over his sealed brand, he turned back to Sazh and Noel and sat down with them, drawing up a plan of action, preparing for the final battle. Even if Bhunivelze stayed his hand, there were other things that could come after them. The chaos itself posed a threat, and that wasn't even going into the unusual lack of chaos beasts over the past few days. Everything would happen at once starting tomorrow.
They had to be ready for anything.
Lightning went back out into the crowds of Yusnaan feeling uneasy. It wasn't a feeling she could easily explain if someone were to ask, she knew. It was just a feeling, but one that made her bones ache and the hair on her arms stand up. A sense of malaise seemed to permeate the air around them, prickling like needles on her skin. It felt like the world were holding its breath.
She desperately hoped nothing terrible would happen tonight.
They found Fang over by one of the large meat vendors, who was busy flipping steaks on a flaming grill. The dragoon stood off to the side, a plate in one hand and a fork in the other, sawing off pieces of juicy, tender meat that oozed juices the proper color as she brought them to her mouth. Vanille stood nearby as well, but she seemed intent on fiddling with her bracelet instead. Lightning saw it was a new one.
Still chewing the meat, Fang looked at them, saying, "Ah, finally. About time you two showed up."
She glanced at Caius, but he only looked at her. "Sorry."
"Don't be." Fang pushed a piece of steak into a pile of rice and vegetables, slathered all of it in a brown paste, then stuffed the whole thing in her mouth. She managed to only drop a few grains of rice. "Vanille and I have just been hangin' out, enjoyin' the sight of people relaxing. Man, wonder how many know it's almost the end?"
"Best to keep it quiet," she warned.
The other woman's vivid green eyes glared at her. "What, lie to them? Play pretend?"
"No, just... not cause a ruckus."
"Lightning, you know as well as I do that these people deserve to know when their suffering's gonna end."
She hesitated, looking around. "I just... I don't..."
Laying the fork on the plate, Fang stepped forward and laid a hand on her shoulder. "Listen," she said in a lower voice, "I get it. I know it's rough to think about. But you gotta remember, most of these people, they're ready for the end. They're ready for the light at the end of the tunnel. They wanna know the Liberator's gonna protect them from the chaos and help them get to a new world. Don't you think they should know?"
She wanted to argue, but when she opened her mouth, she couldn't refute Fang's words. It was true. So many of these people had suffered through long centuries – never growing older, never able to reproduce, watching their friends and family die, the world's population slowly dwindling away to nothing.
"Yeah," she muttered. "If anyone asks, I'll give 'em the truth."
"Good. I doubt you're gonna start a mass panic or somethin', so don't worry about that." Fang let go of her and went back to eating. "Get a good slab of meat. You'll feel better."
She looked over at the vendor, who still seemed focused on flipping steaks. It couldn't hurt.
She paid for the freshest, tenderest cut – a flank steak, cooked in flavorful juices and doused in spices. Beside it was a pile of wild rice, a few grilled vegetables, and a piece of fruit she assumed was meant to clear the palate. Not interested in Fang's boisterousness, she moved off to the side, away from the crowd, and leaned against the wall to try and enjoy the food. Between the fork and the knife that came with it, she made good progress, but halfway through, she slowed until she had begun staring at the meat.
Years ago – lifetimes ago, it seemed now – she had bought a perfect behemoth steak from the market on one of her more generous paychecks, then grilled it that evening just for Serah. Her sister had been thrilled, though sad she was the only one eating it, and Lightning had smiled and promised to do it again.
And she never had.
"Lightning," Caius said, "are you feeling well?"
Too close. You don't need him. Lightning continued to stare at the food as she said, ignoring her mind's attempts at objecting, "My stomach is a little queasy, and... I..." She gritted her teeth, but she didn't have Hope to confide in anymore, and she didn't have her sister, either. Only Caius stayed by her side, unflinchingly, silently, and she knew he actually listened to her whenever she spoke. "I just want my sister back."
There. She had admitted aloud what was gouged in her heart.
Armor creaked quietly below the din of the crowds as he moved closer to her, his chest now inches from her left shoulder. A foreign sensation flooded her at that moment, and for an instant, she had her heart back, tendrils of feeling and emotion creeping through her blood.
It utterly terrified her, begging her to be close to him, because she was tired, sick of fighting, and just wanted to let go, wanted to rest her forehead on his chest and let the sensation of him sink into her bones, wanted to find rest in someone's arms and let the rest of the world melt away.
The fear filtering into her blood was raw and red, searing her mind as though branding itself on her soul. For the first time in countless centuries, she felt the kind of fear that had crept into her the first time Serah had spoken warmly and lovingly about the tall, strong, blond man who would soon steal her away.
When she looked at him, he gazed into her eyes.
"You will have her back soon enough," he assured her. "Your loneliness will soon be quenched."
Her tongue tangled in her mouth. "I'm not lonely," she managed, somehow stopping her body from quaking. This was all wrong. Everything was going wrong. All her self-control had begun to fail her.
"If that is the truth, then your eyes lie."
Her mouth fell open a moment before she caught it and shut it again. "What?"
"I have seen the way you gaze off into the crowd at times, or the look in your eyes when you speak of your sister. When we are around those who have others beside them, your eyes are solemn." Caius looked stern, but his voice could not be gentler. "There is no shame in loneliness, Lightning."
"I'm... not..." As though something had her chest in a vise, she simply could not respond, still staring at him. How did he know any of that? Did he see something she accidentally let slip through the cracks? Why was it that he had this effect on her? It was no use denying the proximity, and no use trying to convince herself none of it was real, because there he was, close to her, and she liked it, wanted more of it.
Then the epiphany came. "You are lonely."
For his part, the dark warrior did not flinch from her gaze as it grew steadier. He did, however, take a long time to respond, and it wasn't quite what she expected. "Yes," he said, and dipped his chin. "The life of a Guardian is a very lonely one, Lightning. Yeul is always there, but she is no true companion."
"She's not an equal," she murmured. "She's just a child."
"Yes, no matter how old her soul."
That, then, was how he had recognized what she didn't want to face. "But you'll be with every incarnation she's ever had in the chaos beyond the world's end, Caius," she said. "You can't be alone then."
His gaze never wavered. "Can I?"
She swallowed. "Then... I'm sorry, truly sorry, I can't save you." She looked at the ground, still trying to still her mind. He saw her loneliness, and he too was lonely. It was all wrong, backwards, inside out, as though she had fallen into a dream twisted with a nightmare, yet, paradoxically, she could not bring herself to wake from it.
"It does not matter. These final days will be worth the eternity."
A prickle traveled down her spine. "I guess."
"As long as you and the others have a future in the new world, and you are with Serah and happy, then what does it matter what happens to me? Yeul, too, will be happy." He turned aside, causing a spark of disappointment in her, and leaned against the wall beside her, back-first. "That is enough."
She ate a little more in silence, then set the fork down. "But what if... I mean, I'll be with Serah, and Snow will be there too, but, uh..."
Was she really about to say this?
He did not speak, but he looked at her, and she managed to gather her courage again. "I mean, I despised Snow just because he took my sister's time. She wasn't paying attention to me anymore, always running off with him, always disappearing for hours with him, Snow this, Snow that, oh he's so handsome, oh he's so kind, did you hear what Snow did, oh let me tell you about his eyes again..." She closed her eyes. "If they marry, it's... I mean, she'll be my sister forever, but... she'll be his family. I'll always be family, but..." Snorting, she shook her head. "You must think I'm some kind of idiot. You know what? Forget I said anything."
"You worry Serah will again be taken from you, swept up in her new family, and leave you alone again." He spoke as though narrating her thoughts.
Defensive, she mentally kicked herself. "Never mind, okay? Forget it."
"Words, once spoken, remain in the wind, never to be destroyed or taken back." He turned his body toward her and leaned on his shoulder, loosely crossing his arms. "You are a stubborn, proud, powerful woman, but unless you choose to remain alone, I very much doubt you will be."
"Right, okay, I don't need a shrink," she muttered, turning her face away. "Forget I said anything, okay? Please?"
"Someone will find you. He will love you, though you will try to fight him. That is your way."
Giving up, she looked sidelong at him. "Yeah? Right."
"You will never be alone, Lightning."
Feeling uncomfortable beneath his steady gaze, she returned her attention to eating and proceeded to finish off her plate, even scraping up bits of meat and rice. She then dumped the plate and utensils in the trash, wiped away the grease on her lips, and threw the napkin away with far more force than was necessary. This was not right, he was not right, and she didn't like the things he was telling her. They made her uncomfortable, like she was laid bare before him, and the more she pushed back, the deeper into her he saw.
"Come on," she muttered, and walked off into the crowd, hearing him fall in step behind her. The end of the world couldn't come soon enough. The moment when they would be separated forever needed to come now. For days she had been with him, spending almost every waking moment with him, and it was all wrong. Not for the first time, she realized she did not miss her heart. It would only complicate things. It would only ruin her. She would never have been able to bear this with her brittle emotions intact. No, she had to go on without her heart, even into the new world, so that she would never understand what was going on, never hurt again. She never wanted to cry again, and having her heart back would allow her to do so.
Caius was her companion. He spoke to her in ways she understood, listened when her mouth pattered on, protected her from the dangers in the dark, and she was grateful, and afraid, and she just wanted him to go, she just wanted to move on like nothing happened, for him to go away and leave her.
She wanted to get away from him, but she couldn't bear to dismiss him even now. Not after the way his eyes had appeared after she had forgiven him. Not after his confession of loneliness. Not after the way he looked at her, day after day, as though he saw things, knew things, and she was all he ever saw.
Her mouth was try. Her pulse wasn't beating right. She could only imagine what this would be like with her heart intact. She couldn't put words to what was going on, but she knew what it was.
A desperate search for something to distract her led them back to the fountain, where Olga was now performing to a crowd that filled the entire space, almost shoulder-to-shoulder. The woman had let her hair down, adorned it with colorful, glittery ornaments sparsely placed, and had put on a floor-length gown that shimmered. It was the color of sunset, brilliant red at the top and fading to sweeps of soft-edged gold toward the bottom. Olga was a beauty, a sight to behold, and through her vanity shone that truth.
She seemed to be in the midst of singing a love song, quite forlorn, but one that seemed to call out to the heart as it arced up over the crowds and sang through the air. Some people were crying, while couples stood close together or in each other's arms. Small families clung to each other.
Lightning felt a knot in her throat. Perhaps this was not the best place to end up in.
She just wanted Serah back. She didn't want to face the loneliness Caius had called to her attention, and did not want to think of a world where she existed in solitude. More than anything, she knew she must leave her heart behind in this world. What did it matter if she had it, anyway? What good was emotion or feeling, when for her, it was brittle and only brought her pain?
She hugged her arms against her chest and shut her eyes tight, delving deep inside. There would be no more hint of weakness or fear within her. She had to release all of it if she was to succeed.
She felt Caius close at her side, and opened her eyes.
Olga continued her set for some time, singing love songs and folk songs, some happy, some solemn, and at the end, the entire crowd applauded. Throughout that entire time, she had stood stock-still, never changing her stance, with her companion at her shoulder as seemed proper. When the crowd began to disperse and someone announced things over the loudspeaker, only then did she realize the fireworks were going off overhead and looked up.
"They granted wishes in Bodhum," she said without thinking. "I didn't think that, of course."
"Of course." He did not sound completely convinced.
She rubbed her hands over her face.
"Are you alright?"
Stop asking if I'm alright. Stop caring if I'm okay. "I'm fine," she snapped at him.
"Then why behave as though you are?" The look he gave her was stern, concerned, and made her falter. "There is something wrong. Why lie to me?"
"I don't have to tell you what it is," she snarled. "If you won't talk to me, I don't talk to you."
"I would not ask you to tell me," he said, "only not to lie to me."
"Why can't I lie to you, huh?"
"Because it is painfully obvious when you are."
Curling her fingers against her palm, she brought her knuckles up to her forehead, pressing them against the bone as hard as she could. He could even tell when she was lying. Either he knew her well enough, or she was a really bad liar. It was more than likely both.
"I just want to get this over with," she muttered. "I just want the end of the world to come, I want Serah back, I want it all to be over. Okay? Now leave me alone."
Caius's expression darkened, but he stayed silent. She shut her eyes tight, trying to get a grip. If Bhunivelze had taken her heart, why was she behaving as though some semblance of herself had returned? Caius was getting under her skin with almost no effort, and the familiar fires of anger and fear were creeping over her. Distracting her from what needed to be done, forcing her to lose focus... she had to get a grip.
What was going on? Why couldn't she regain control?
"Sorry," she mumbled, not looking at him.
His response was a sigh.
Now restless, she began to pace, shaking her hands at her sides and working the kinks out of her wrists. Every so often, she tipped back her head to look at the explosions of color in the sky and listen to the echo of them off the buildings. She moved out of the way as the crowd formed a circle, and as energetic music began to play, some of them trotted into the clearing and began to dance. Soon, much of the crowd had joined, and what observers there were laughed and clapped their hands to the rhythm.
The temptation to join, if only to get her mind off the things that sent it teetering on the edge of an alien abyss, was a strong one, but she resisted. She needed to focus.
Instead, she went over to the stairs, mostly deserted, and sat down, putting her head in her hands. Slowly, her head began to clear, and she felt warmth surge back into her. Her pulse returned to normal, and her body no longer felt as though it shivered in a gale. This time, when Caius came close to her – dutiful as always, or maybe habitual – the fringes of his chaos touched the void of her heart, but did not overwhelm her.
"I don't know what's wrong with me," she admitted.
He snorted. "You are being yourself."
A prickle of amusement touched her then; she lifted her face out of her palms. "This won't interfere with my work," she assured him. "But I wasn't lying when I said I want this to be over."
"There are many who would agree. I am one of them."
"I bet." She rubbed the bridge of her nose with two fingers, then groaned. "It can't happen soon enough."
"Are you so certain about that?"
"What is that supposed to mean?" Frustration boiled over in the form of that single demand as she rose again to her feet, one foot placed higher than the other on the staircase.
"The sooner the world ends, the sooner you must face Bhunivelze and his horde," he pointed out. "What lies at the end of the world is anyone's supposition, but it will not be pleasant to experience. I will be with you to help you in whatever you face, but it will not be painless regardless."
The uneasy feeling she had felt creeping through her mind suddenly turned into an unmistakable sensation of fear, and she turned her head upward, at the sky.
"Caius, something's here," she said, eyes widening. "Pulse is dead. Who's left?"
He spoke the name in a cold voice that chilled her blood.
"Lindzei."
Lightning grasped her sword and scrambled up the staircase, trying to find the highest vantage point. Lindzei was the unseen builder of Cocoon and the likeness for the Cocoon l'Cie brands. Even when she had been in Valhalla, she had never caught a glimpse of Lindzei. Perhaps it was formless, or so alien that she wouldn't have recognized it even if she had seen it. Where Pulse had tilled the land, Lindzei had controlled the sky.
Just as she began to make her way up the stairs to the balcony of the restaurant, the crowd devolved into shrieks of terror, and she looked up toward the sky.
Silhouetted against the fireworks was a being she had trouble making sense of, much less describing later when she was asked. It seemed reptilian, with a narrow head and talons, but its body seemed covered in feathers. Huge wings extended out, four in all, and a long, serpentine tail trailed behind it. Its entire form seemed to be on fire, lines on its body glowing bright blue-white, while a streak of pale green followed in its wake.
On the head, the jaws parted. No teeth greeted her, but a brilliant blue-green light shone from its throat, casting inky black shadows wherever it fell.
Do you think you can defy Bhunivelze? The voice echoed inside her head, as clear as though she heard it with her own ears; she clamped her hands over it, skull aching. You are his Liberator, but you are human! You are beneath him, only a tool to be wielded, just as I had tasked for my fal'Cie that you destroyed! For every life you took and every fal'Cie you felled, you will experience pain a hundredfold!
Then the wings beat, dust and grit blowing into the air; she hunkered down and covered her mouth and nose with her forearm, unable to do anything up stare. Lindzei rose high into the sky, spreading its wings to blot out the fireworks, and opened its jaws once again.
A flash of brilliant light briefly blinded her.
When next she opened her eyes, blinking a few times to clear her vision, every person on the streets had been replaced with a lumbering, white-shelled Cie'th. Some of them were small, with spindly limbs, while others were huge and towered over them. All of them called out, screeching, sparkling in Yusnaan's light. And every one of them turned on her, their faces frozen in expressions of horror and pain, surrounded by crystal formations.
"Bhunivelze!" she cried out to the sky. "You monster!"
Lindzei's cry rang out throughout the city – an ethereal, alien, cruel-sounding cry that made her head ring. Lightning had defied Bhunivelze. She had hid from him, taken with her a man who embodied the ferocity of the chaos Bhunivelze was trying to destroy, and now, she had brought down this end upon these people.
This was not Caius's fault. This was all her.
"Back to the palace," she panted, and vaulted over the railing into the sea of Cie'th.
She didn't bother to fight back unless she had no choice, focusing on dodging strikes and stamping feet, trying to ignore the head-splitting screeching they made. Her sword banged on crystal shells; her companion cleared the way with powerful blasts of energy that sent the Cie'th flying into the air.
She rounded a corner to find Fang with her staff out, valiantly battling back a horde of Cie'th and occasionally tossing out pearls of light. Vanille didn't use her staff to fight, instead holding it tight at her side while she threw out blasts of colorful energy that forced the Cie'th to back up.
"Lightning! About time! What'd you do?" Fang spoke through the clanging on her lance and the ruckus of Vanille doing her best to keep the monsters at bay.
"Not me, Lindzei!" she said, and sidestepped in time to avoid Caius when he sent out a powerful wave of violet energy that tossed the Cie'th into the air. "We go! Now!"
"The viper?" Fang sounded incredulous, but followed quickly while Vanille blasted one more Cie'th away before catching up. "Wait, what? Lindzei is–" Baring her teeth, she shook her head. "Makes sense. It's what turned these poor folks into Cocoon Cie'th! Man, how are we gonna save them?"
She thought of the mysterious power that had transformed Snow back into a human, then remembered that it had not done the same for the Pulse Cie'th. "I don't think we can." It pained her to speak those words, striking her right to the core, but the truth could not be forsaken.
"That can't be true!" Vanille was the one who spoke now as they surged up the steps to the plaza. "What–"
A sound like space and time being ripped open interrupted her. The force of whatever accompanied it was great enough to throw them off their feet. As Lightning hit the ground and forced herself to scramble upright again, she felt a cold feeling in her gut. Yusnaan would indeed be the next to go.
"Focus on getting everyone out of the palace," she said, expression grim. "Lindzei is going to sink this place."
"You wished for the end to come sooner," Caius reminded her.
It wasn't worth it to argue with him. Perhaps he was right. Perhaps she had somehow willed this to happen by opening her mouth like she had. Maybe it was mere coincidence.
It didn't matter.
Once inside the palace, she felt a moment of relief to see that everyone inside had avoided being transformed, which left her wondering how Fang and Vanille had avoided that fate. The posted guards needed little explaining before they darted off into the shadowy hallways. Fang and Vanille ran off to round up everyone else they could, and she charged up the stairs, calling out for Snow and the others.
"What's going on?" Snow met her halfway up his hallway, stopping her in her track. Further down, she saw Noel and Sazh, both wide-eyed, but ready for anything.
"Lindzei came," she panted. "It turned everyone in the city into Cocoon Cie'th!"
Snow stared at her a long moment. "It... wh... what?"
Shoving him away, she said, "No time. We need to get off this continent. We're going to the Wildlands. It's the only place we can be safe. Now, gather up everyone you can, and let's go!"
"Don't need to tell me twice," Snow said grimly.
It took longer than she would have liked, but eventually, all the survivors – and all those who did not choose to remain behind – were gathered in the central lobby. The rest of it passed in a blur – the entire group surging out of the palace, the Cie'th being thrown left and right, the screaming and screeching of their crystal shells. Blinded by the desperation to get out of the city, she didn't dare consider what had been here just a short time ago – a vivid city of color and light and life, of song and sight and smell, destroyed by Bhunivelze's hand.
It soured her stomach and summoned a touch of guilt.
She prayed it would be worth it.
And then, somehow, there they were, stumbling onto the train. "Hold on, I'll get this one going," she heard Sazh say as he hurried to the forward car to get it out of the station. The doors shut behind them; she looked on as the Cie'th moaned and shuffled about, coming right up to the train, raising their arms to bash them against the windows until the panes cracked. Dents appeared in the walls.
The guards, including Cora, picked up their rifles and aimed them, at the ready. "Don't you dare come on here!" she heard Noel shout. "You'll regret it if you even try!"
Then the train lurched forward, speeding away from the screams.
Lightning stumbled to the next car, away from the crowd, and found herself at the last one in line. She kept going until she landed, palms-first, against the rear window, pressing her forehead to the glass. Its smooth coolness bled into her, but did little to calm her pounding heart. It had all happened too fast. One moment she was there, arguing with Caius, trying to fight her own confused feelings, and the next, Lindzei raged from the heavens and cursed the entire population of Yusnaan with no effort.
"How does it make you feel?" The soft voice made her chest feel tight. "Oh, that's right, you're Lightning. You don't feel. You don't even have a heart. I guess you're the definition of heartless."
"Lumina, go away." She shut her eyes tight. "Not now."
The girl giggled, and then her presence – if she had ever really been there to begin with – vanished.
For a long time, she was alone in the car. The din of the other survivors seemed far away, and none of them came to bother her. In being alone, there was nothing to shield her from her thoughts. Without her heart to color her mind, she could only consider what had happened as though she were an outside observer. Yes, she felt a bit of guilt, but she felt removed from it all, distant. And she didn't like it.
Then she felt Caius's presence at her back and recoiled from it. Of all the people. Of everyone. "Go away," she said.
But he came closer instead. "There is still hope yet for the world's end."
"If I hadn't defied Bhunivelze, if I'd just kept my mouth shut, none of this would have happened. No Pulse, no Lindzei, no Cie'th, no me getting thrown into the chaos, no Yusnaan and the Dead Dunes sinking..." She opened her eyes to see Yusnaan receding. A shroud of shadow had fallen over it, dulling its colors. "I'm still gonna fight up to the end, but I really don't know... I have... I have to finish this, but..."
"And you will." He moved up beside her, voice barely audible, and she found it oddly soothing. "Whatever it was that saved Snow may yet be able to save the others. You must have hope."
"Hope. That's a hard thing to hang on to."
Silence fell for a time. "I will go if you ask it of me."
It wouldn't be far to Luxerion, she knew. From there, they would have to cross the city and use South Station to get back to the Wildlands. It was a last bastion of mankind not touched by Bhunivelze, the one place she felt they could go and not be attacked. She could have time to herself. It wouldn't be too long.
But she said, "No, you're fine right there."
In silence, he continued to stand at her side. Lightning pried herself away from the window and forced herself to stand upright. When she looked at him, he looked back, and there was no need to speak. She wanted to rest her head on his chest, or his shoulder. Of all those on this train, and all those left in the world, the dark warrior who had so callously destroyed the world seemed to understand her best.
She kept her hands to herself, kept her head up, and forced herself to gaze out the window.
Calm settled over her then.
This was it. She doubted the sun would rise again. The chaos would begin to flow out into the world. It would blacken the skies and cover the land. The chaos beasts, who had not been seen for some time, would come out again. They would rest in the Wildlands, and then they had to make their final march onto Luxerion. Whatever was going to happen, it would happen there. Bhunivelze would pay for what he had tried to do, and she would free Hope, and her sister, and escape this dying land to the new world.
And she would never see Caius, or the Yeuls, ever again, but that was alright. The cause that forced them to remain behind was noble, and for that, she knew she would be upset later, but she could accept it.
Bhunivelze, she thought, you'll rue the day you woke me up.
And here we go, diving into the end of the world. This is the world's final sunset, the last time it'll see daylight. The ending is beginning. And poor Lightning can't quite figure out what's going on inside her. Before anyone asks, yes, it'll get explained later, but for now, there are just (admittedly blatant) hints. She also surprised me in this chapter, going off down a road I hadn't planned, but it ended up being a good, if painful, surprise. Anyway, hope you enjoy. Updates will come faster now that I'm delving into the ending climactic chapters, so you won't have to wait long for the next one. Thanks for reading, and please let me know what you think!
