Fandom: Transformers Bayverse
Author: gatekat and femme4jack on LJ
Pairing: Ironhide/Will Lennox/Sarah Lennox
Rating: PG-13
Codes: Slash, Het, Xeno (Transformer/Human)
Summary: Even in a world filled with giant robots, no one crosses a mamma bear.
Notes: Written in the Dathanna de Gray fanverse http: / community .livejournal .com /tf_socket_fics
"text" any organic language, spoken or translated through the socket
"text" translated Cybertronian.
::text:: comm/radio chatter
~text~ bond talk

Frontliners 02: Mamma Bear


For being in the middle of the Indian Ocean, the evening was reasonably pleasant. Still hot and humid, but the ocean breeze was a nice relief. So Will and Sarah Lennox were relaxing with a beer each on the front porch of the stand-alone home that was their shared quarters with Ironhide.

"What's on your mind?" Sarah asked patiently after she'd given him what she deemed a suitable amount of time to bring it up on his own.

Will chuckled a bit and took a swig of his beer. "You know me entirely too well. How much do you know about the current stink with Jazz and Miles Lancaster?

"Hmmm, not much. Only what Hide let leak through the bond - that he is pissed as hell at Jazz, and even Prowl to some extent, and it has something to do with Miles. We shared yesterday, while you were on duty, and I felt the tension in him, but he didn't want to talk about it. He was in a decidedly physical mood and wanted some distraction," she explained, totally comfortable in the new aspect of the relationship the three of them shared.

"What Jazz did was program the nanites in Miles will kill protocols similar to what his agents have," he began to explain. "A near-instant death if they're activated. It all came up because Miles was captured by Skywarp. We got him back and he'll be fine, but somewhere it came out what Jazz added to the nanite programming. Jazz didn't ask Miles, but if you know what's coming, it turns from a quick death to being aware as your body is taken apart cell by cell. For Hide, it was a last straw. I don't think he's ever liked, much less trusted Jazz, because of what he used to do. That would have been the rage you felt last week."

Sarah chewed on the information for a few moments. She had been a Ranger's wife for going on ten years, and had been on the support side of special operations when she'd met him. She knew very well what Will and other black ops agents had carried with them, and suspected that her husband still did so on his missions.

Sarah happened to like Jazz and his bondmate, at least from afar. The obvious deep love and affection they had for each other was a lovely contrast to the stuffy, restrained military attitudes toward sexuality.

"I can see doing that for agents," she mulled, not coming to any instant judgment, "but why a civilian like Miles? What could he possibly know that would be a threat? I'd hope Prowl and Jazz protect him from information that could bring them or the kid to harm, right? Just like you do with Annie and I."

Will sighed. "It's not what he could know, at least not for Jazz. I know that's why most think of doing it, but up against the Cons ... it's a final mercy, a last gift of a painless death when there's no hope for rescue left. Our idea of a life in some backwater prison and daily torture is nothing compared to the fate of any organic captured by the Cons. We end up in the generators for a literal eternity of agony to fuel their sparks."

Sarah took another swig of beer and cuddled in closer to lean, strong man she had married.

"So Jazz left that option for Miles, if nothing could be done to spare him, and didn't ask because if Miles had known about it the death would have been horrible rather than painless?" she sorted through the facts methodically, thinking of her own reactions as a mother. She'd do the same for Annabelle if there was no hope left.

"That's the sum of it," he nodded.

"And Hide is angry why? It makes perfect sense to me. I'd want that." She was quiet for a few moments, absentmindedly running the fingers of one hand through Will's hair. "Was Miles upset?" she finally asked.

"I'm not sure," Will admitted. "I didn't see him those first couple days. But yesterday Miles seemed his usual self and from what I saw of his interactions with Jazz, he's been forgiven. Those three do have an amazingly strong bond. As for Hide, I think it's a consent thing, Miles being relatively young and a civilian. What pissed Hide off this morning was when I told him I wanted the protocols for myself. That was bad enough. But he really flipped out because Jazz would be involved."

"So that's why he has been shutting me out all day," she sighed, kneading her fingers into Will's tight and shoulders neck. "I can only guess what he said. Something along the lines of him never allowing you to get in that kind of situation, regardless of the fact that when you are both on mission, you have to put those objectives before your bond. What does Hide have against Jazz, anyhow?"

"I'm sure 'former 'Con' is part of it, but given Hide's bedding Drift, I'd say it's more that Jazz was born to be Black Ops. At least according to Hide, he broke and reprogrammed Autobots more for the fun of it than because he had orders. By Jazz's telling, it's true. I can't even begin to grasp Jazz's life though. As he tells it, Prima was the first of seven Primes, and he danced with her at her coronation. He's from the fifth generation of Cybertronians, back when their entire population wasn't much larger than the number of mechs on Earth now. He's seen so many social changes ... it hurts my brain to think about how he could still function in their current society.

"But what he really said was that he's spark-bonded four times now, even knowing after the first one that he'd outlive anyone and anything he could ever care about. But he still pursued Prowl and let himself care again. Hide doesn't trust him, but I do, for the time it'll matter. It's not like he has to remain an Autobot for longer than Miles will live to be trustworthy for my lifetime, or yours or Annabelle's."

"Jesus, Will," Sarah said, shaking her head. "Blows my mind. It's like we are talking about some sort of mythology come to life. But then again, who would have thought a couple of Midwesterners like us would somehow end up married to a gigantic walking weapon who dotes on our daughter so much she is doomed to grow up thinking she really is a princess?"

She took another long drink of her beer, suddenly very much needing the buzz.

"So you feel like Jazz is trustworthy as long as he is bonded to Prowl, because Prowl is loyal?"

"Because Prowl balances him," Will shook his head, abruptly trying to find the words to explain. "You've seen how out of touch with 'normal' morals I can get from just a few months out on a mission, and you don't see me until I've chilled out a fair bit. Deep in 'survival and my goal is all that matters' mindset is Jazz between bondmates. With one, Prowl for us, it's like what you do for me. A reminder that people are real, not just a target, and the nicer emotions are a good thing. And part of it's that Hide has a personal grudge against Jazz from what I gathered. I think he lost friends to him as a Con, maybe even a socket."

"But love," Sarah cautioned, "you've never been one of the bad guys. And you've never broken people just for pleasure. I think I can see Hide's point of view on this one. I agree with what you want to do, but putting so much trust in someone who may very well have tortured and killed sockets and definitely broke mechs for fun? Can that ever be balanced?"

"Fully, no, I doubt it," he acknowledged. "The thing is that he's the only one who's probably developed the protocols, and I expect the only one who would even consider it. Well, Whiplash and a couple others probably use them too, but I expect they all came from what Jazz made. I'm pretty sure that Ratchet would edit the kill-command so Jazz can't use it anymore. He'd throw a fit, but he'd do it. Maybe it'd be good if you talked to Jazz about it, about him. I know I trust him, from one op to another, but you've got good instincts for people too."

"I definitely need to talk with him, and I'd honestly feel a whole lot better if it were Ratchet doing the programming and not Jazz. No one has a doubt about Ratchet's loyalties, and it may be the only thing that gets Hide to agree. But I want it ... for all three of us. I knew Belle and I could be targets even before the whole energizer bunny bit came up. And as safe as I feel here, Miles getting taken only made it too clear how easy it would be for them to start taking us, and we know how quickly a war can change. Who knows when more 'Cons might show up and things start getting really bad? But yeah, I'll talk with Jazz, and Hide. I think that conversation needs a woman's touch, frankly."

Sarah wrapped her arms around Will's neck, pulling him in for a fairly desperate kiss, her body giving away her inner agitation even if her words remained calm. It was a mood and a contact he responded quickly to, pulling her into his arms and pushing her back against the bench swing to shield her in some symbolic way.

When the kiss broke he pressed his forehead against hers in an intimate gesture picked up from the 'Bots. "I just don't want any chance the Cons could break the nanite code and deactivate it. I have no doubt Jazz can manage that. I'm not so sure if Ratchet is that good."


The next morning Sarah made arrangements for Annabelle to spend some time with another base wife and her children. She sat in their air conditioned quarters, escaping the sweltering heat of the day, getting her thoughts together. That she was distracted was an understatement. She couldn't think of anything other than the conversation she'd had with Will the night before. Even after they'd made love and gone to bed, she couldn't sleep. She envied her husband's ability to sleep anywhere, any time he needed to - a function of the times when he did not have the luxury of any rest at all. She was worried about the tension with Ironhide. Not since Will's first rather extreme reaction to intimacy with the weapons specialist had there been any real conflict. She trusted Will's instincts, but she also trusted Hide with her life and more importantly, with Annabelle's.

Giving a heavy sigh, she used the email function of her socket and sent a message to the command office requesting an appointment with the SIC.

Within seconds a reply came that he could meet her in at 19:00 in his office.

Jazz messaged her a moment later, before she could even accept it, saying that if it wasn't about confidential information he was in the holo-training room and could talk when she got there, or in his office later.

She quickly messaged him back, thanking him for the appointment, and stating that the matter was indeed confidential. She noted that both Will and Ironhide were on duty that evening, so she would need to find out if anyone was available to watch Annabelle before she could confirm.

"The joys of being a mom and trying to make appointment," she muttered. On the one hand she was anxious to have the conversation over with. On the other hand the topic had her so anxious that part of her preferred to simply go play with her daughter and forget it had ever come up.

Jazz e-mailed her suggesting Alicia and Hound. The happy distraction would do them good since Mirage was still in isolation, and they were planning to try for a sparkling.

Sarah's mouth twisted into a smile at that. She had not expected Jazz to make childcare suggestions, and it was, honestly, one she would never thought of, but made a great deal of sense. Annabelle would be thrilled to spend time with another Autobot, and she had heard many positive things about both the mech in question and the socket he shared with Mirage. Her email to the two was answered almost instantly with a great deal of enthusiasm, suggesting that they would watch Annabelle at the Lennox's quarters where the girl would be most comfortable.

Sarah spent the rest of the day trying to put the whole issue out of her mind, a good part of it playing with Annabelle on the beach, but she was still distracted. She reached out to Ironhide several times and received affectionate if distant brushes in reply, but did not see him all day. Will was tied up as well, having been called in on some matter during the afternoon when he was supposed to be off duty. He did not join them for dinner. Shortly after dinner, Hound and Alicia arrived to a very hyper and excited three-year old. Thanking them profusely, she made her way to Jazz's office in the command center, pressing the button at her height to announce her arrival.

"Com'n!" Jazz's voice sounded cheerful, but after a decade married to a Ranger, she was utterly certain that it was at least half faked. The door opened on its own, and Jazz was on the other side, already knelt down to offer her a hand up.

Sarah gave Jazz a warm smile of her own. Generations of Minnesota-nice breeding made it as natural to her as her Nordic looks. There were many times, both when she had served in the military and after, when people did not realize the sharp mind and fierce tempter that could lie underneath the smile and genuine sweetness.

"Thanks for fitting me in today," she said, accepting his help to his desk where she sat comfortably. "I know we haven't ever had much of an occasion to talk, so this is a little strange for me," she admitted.

"I must admit I'm half surprised ol'Hide hasn't barged in demanding to be here," he chuckled with an easy grin and teasing humor that covered the seriousness of the statement. "What can I do for'ya?"

"Hide doesn't know I'm here, Jazz," she admitted. "Though I have no intention of keeping him in the dark. I'm not one to mince words. Will told me about the SpecOps protocols in Miles' nanites, and about how you could do that for us and make us forget it happened. We both want it, for ourselves and Annabelle. Will is having a hell of a time convincing Hide, and he hasn't even mentioned Belle or me yet. I'm not naive, Jazz. Even before your lot showed up, she and I could've been targets considering what Will got up to. I was on the support side of the Rangers when I served."

She didn't go on, wanting to gauge his reaction to her initial words.

"Legally, I'm clear as long as Prime or the CMO witnesses your agreement in writing," Jazz said carefully. "Usually the second or third in command would also be acceptable, but given who they are in this situation, that's not going to hold true. Since it's Hide, I'm going to insist he be there as witness too, for my own protection. Since you didn't tell him, I'm sure you're aware of the tension between us right now."

"Hide hasn't told me a thing, but Will said enough. That's why I'm here, honestly. I'm married to a man who trusts you, Jazz. I'm the socket to a mech who doesn't want you anywhere near our heads or nanites because of what you apparently did to mechs and sockets early in the war. So I'm torn. Will doesn't believe Ratchet could do as good of a job with the programming."

Sarah looked down, suddenly finding it difficult to ask what she really needed to.

"He can't," Jazz said simply. "He's good, but you'd probably have better luck convincing Hide than Hatchet," he chuckled a bit at some joke. "As for trusting me," he cocked his head a bit and regarded her. "Hide's never trusted me, I don't expect he ever will and I don't blame him either. I broke several of his close friends, tortured folks to death and worse that were very dear to him. I made no secret of it at the time and I still don't deny it. Or the fact that I reveled in what Megatron paid me very well to do. It's all true."

He shifted, putting his elbows on the desk and folding slender fingers under his chin as he looked at her pretty much optic band to eyes. "That was all before I met Prowl, well before I bonded with'm. I'm not sure I can even begin to explain what bonding does to a mech like me. Hide's never bonded, never committed on that level. He's been told what it does, he's had a small taste with sockets, but he doesn't know what trading part your very life force with another, laying your entire existence, your desires, your fears, your base programming open 'n unguarded to another does to you. Not just once, but every time you're really intimate. Four-five times a week when I'm on base."

It was Sarah's turn to regard the silver mech, her eyes not shifting from his visor. She studied him hard, while a dozen questions went through her mind. She was surprised when the next words that came out of her mouth weren't any of them.

"Did you let yourself get caught by the Autobots? I mean, from what I hear, folks around here think there isn't anywhere you can't get into or get back out of."

"It's truth," Jazz smirked before settling in a bit more. "But for how it started, Megatron told me there was a new mech to break. He wanted the contents of the mech's memory banks, then have the mech so badly shattered that there would be no recovery for the Autobots. Standard request. I either got ones they wanted for intel and destroyed, or wanted broken and reprogrammed."

Sarah calmly regarded him, not allowing the carelessness with which he spoke about such a thing get to her. She knew he had been a 'Con, and thanks to Will, knew what he had done. She was prepared to be appalled and deal with it. But to trust the mech he was now, she realized that needed to understand how the change had happened, and 'bonded with Prowl', as amazing as the process sounded, just didn't cut it for her. Something caused him to get himself caught, or at least not escape once he was, even if it was as simple as boredom. She knew how restless those in ops were, how they had to be adrenaline junkies by their very nature.

"So I walked in and this one was different. I couna read'm. I worked him, hacked in, talked, everything for three metacycles, about eighteen years. He kept ahead of me, never once let me figure him out or break in," Jazz shook his head and chuckled to himself. "Towards the end my own loyalties betrayed me. I wasn't in it for Megatron or his credits and energon any more. I needed to break this creature that had denied me for so long. So when Megatron ordered him destroyed because I'd taken too long, I contacted his side and broke him out, delivered him to the pickup point. After I handed 'm to 'is friends ... that was the moment I knew I was fragged. Not because I'd just torqued off Megatron beyond redemption, but because when he extended a hand and said 'come' ... I did."

"Prowl?" she asked quietly, though the answer seemed obvious. She settled into a more relaxed position, legs stretched out in front of her, her hands behind her supporting her.

"Yeah, Prowl," Jazz chuckled. "When we landed, I walked myself to the brig, staid there cause 'e asked me to," his voice dropped a bit. "Lookin back, it's obvious what was happening, but I didn't see it, not for I long time. Don't get me wrong, I tormented the fraggers to no end. Things from one'a their own'd be I practical joke, but from the Terror of Cybertron, the Breaker of Mechs, from the Con locked up in the brig, from me, it was something more."

"In other words, you made it damn clear that you were only being held because you were allowing it." She said with a laugh. "Ok...I get that you were fascinated by him, not being able to break him and all, but I'm not sure I get what he saw in someone who took sparks for fun. No offense."

"None taken," Jazz smiled at her. "At least in those first few vorns he saw me as a combination of valuable asset to turn and someone that as long as I was kept occupied with him I wouldn't be out taking Autobots off the field. He did I good job too. Kept me very fixated on'm. But he slowly gave me perks too, rewards for good behavior," his laugh this time was anything but in good humor as he relived a bit of how completely he'd responded as a starved puppy to the promise of treats. "Then ... after a mission went really bad, I found out why I couldn't figure him out. Something I shoulda known, shoulda figured out, but I didn't.

"In my world, you know a secret, especially the secret, someone holds, and ya own them," he continued, working on the assumption that while intelligent and the mate of an op, she didn't understand the true fundamentals of Intel. "So I knew Powel's secret." He paused and focused on the claw tips tapping semi-randomly in front of his optic band. "I shoulda left. If I had any bit of self-preservation left then, I would've. Took me vorns to work out, that he'd gone past a pet project and become something more, but right then I made another of those stupid moves because 'e was there an' lookin' at me.

"I offered ... told'm really ... that ah'd teach'm how to control it, steada it control'n 'im. That I wouldn't have anyone so weak linked to my capture. Excuses, the lot of it, an I shoulda known it. He wasn't exactly my first, ya know. Fourth time, and it always blindsides me," Jazz shook his head and sighed. "Where I am now, I can see the pattern in my life. I fall for those who are strong and steady enough to balance me. Not just my fluid nature, but the darkest places that a manipulative base code takes you.

"So I fall in love, bond, live for their lifetime as a relatively stable, socially responsible mech. When their spark extinguishes and returns to Primus the pain has me lash out, to inflict my pain and loss on anyone who seems too happy. Eventually the pain fades, but it leaves me without ties to society and I'm the mech Hide hates so much. Eventually I come across another mech that can balance me and start the cycle over again."

Sarah sat up, and for the moment, did not meet the visor so close to her as she considered his words. Mythic didn't come close to describing the cycle Jazz described to her, and yet something about it seemed all too simple, as well. Sarah wasn't a traditionally religious woman, for all that she had been raised a good Lutheran girl. But she believed that there were powers in the universe even more powerful than a seemingly immortal Cybertronian. She knew that if she were writing the myth, the mech in front of her would not find peace until somehow he did not turn back into the sociopath when his bonded died. Of course, many myths did not have a happy ending, but instead ended in some eternity of following the same pattern, over and over again. But that was myth.

"I'm not sure I believe in unbreakable cycles, Jazz," she finally said. "But regardless, it seems like as long as Prowl is alive, my family is safe trusting you. The problem for me is that life, even for your kind, is fragile, and we're at war. Prowl could be with you long after my kind are but a memory. Or he could be gone while Annabelle is still a girl. You never know what is coming in life, that's why I want to do this for my family. But for that same reason, I can't trust you to do it, because you never know what tomorrow is going to bring, and there's no guarantee that you won't become the sociopath you describe while we are still alive."

"No, there isn't," he agreed, apparently accepting her statement without issue. "I have my hopes, maybe even a little faith that Primus wouldn't have me come back with only a handful of vorns left for him, but in the end, those aren't things I can control. Is there anything else you need to know?"

Sarah felt wrenched by uncertainty. She had hoped the conversation would make it easier for her to decide, give her the arguments that she could make to Hide, or to Will. Instead she was left with the bitter truth that always seemed to threaten her with despair: she could not protect those she loved, not from everything, and not from the most important things. She sighed and shook her head.

"Yeah ... yeah there is. Tell me something, Jazz. You could do whatever the hell you wanted, to any of our nanites, any time, couldn't you? I mean, Hide is so worried about you doing something that you could have already done if you wanted to. Am I right about that?"

"Yes," he nodded, his voice that kind of even that spoke of both his pride in it and that it was such a basic reality it wasn't about bragging anymore. "There isn't a human or mech in the army I couldn't do anything I wanted to to," he paused. "'Cept Prowl."

Sarah began laughing and shaking her head, relaxing again. "Well, Jazz, that was probably the question I should've asked you in the first place. Not that I regret hearing the rest of it. Since trusting you with this doesn't put us in any more danger than we already are in, I don't see any reason not to trust you with it. Not that it will be an easy argument to make to Hide."

"Hide'll point out that there is a difference in 'what happens if Jazz snaps' between whether I happen to know your kill-codes and if I have to go find them," he cracked a grin at her. "The question I'd ask is which is more important to you: having the codes written by someone who's can make them unhackable, or having them written by someone who is extremely unlikely to betray Hide. Ratchet, if you can convince him, is quite skilled. He's just not as skilled as I am."

Sarah regarded him for a moment. "Or we could figure out a third option. I've never been one to accept either or scenarios, Jazz, but that isn't something to figure out tonight. First I have to use my feminine wiles on Hide and see if I can get him to even consider this. He is going to absolutely freak about Annabelle. I doubt he believes there is anything he can't protect her from." She shook her head, her love and affection for the weapons specialist written clearly on her face.

"So tell me," She suddenly changed the topic, " how's Miles doing? Will seems to think the kid needs some sort of surrogate parents." Sarah looked at Jazz with interest as she mentioned his socket. She had been baffled by the choice. The kid had seemed so very young to her, fun loving and talented in his own way, but not someone she would have guessed was ready to be claimed.

"He's recovering well. I'm sure he'll have flashbacks now and then, but he's really amazingly adaptable. He's very much the kind of individual I'd snap up for an Op if he was Cybertronian," Jazz's tone told her as much as his words about just how much saying that meant from him. "As for surrogate parents, Prowl and I both agree that he'd do well to have a human to look to and he could do far worse than you and Will. He had to grow up far too fast, though details are for him to tell if he wants to."

Sarah nodded. "Sometimes it's nice to be with someone that you can just be a kid with. I really wish we could have all three of your over, if only for my endless fascination with watching bonded pairs interact. But I doubt Hide would do very well with that right now. I could wait until he was on a mission, but that would be deceptive and I'm just not going to do that to him. It wouldn't be right. For now, it will need to just be Miles."

"You're welcome to invite him," Jazz told her with an easy smile. "Trust me, I do understand Hide, probably better than he understands 'imself. Oh, and a tidbit for ya if he gets in a really fowl mood. Got word today that Chromia's cadre's comin' in."

Sarah perked up at that, suddenly tremendously excited. "Really? And he doesn't know yet? He hasn't told us much about her, but from what he has ... well ... I'm guessing things are about to get even steamier than they have been for the old guy, and for us by extension."

"Oh yeah, those two are as frisky as any, includin' me 'n Prowl," his optic band flashed with his grin. "Best descrip of Chromia is a smaller Hide that prefers a bow to cannons. Those two on the battlefield can take down Megatron if they're haven a good orn."

She gave Jazz her easy, genuine smile. "Thanks for talking with me. It helped ... a lot. I'm sorry we're putting you in an awkward position with Hide."

Jazz shook his head and stood. "You didn't do anything. I did that to myself. It's not like Hide ever really liked me." He offered her his hands. "I've proven myself as an Intel Op, as a field commander and my ability to get things done anywhere, anytime. But I'm one former Con he's not going to completely forgive. Give it a vorn and he'll settle down, just like the general base fervor will die down in another week or two. This isn't the first time news of my unconventional tactics has gotten out to the general population. It's unlikely to be the last."

Sarah climbed easily into his hands, relaxed and certain that she could trust the mech Jazz was now. That he could become something so very different bothered her to no end, if only because he seemed to imply that the change was outside of his control, or, perhaps that he chose not to control it. Sarah was an absolute believer in free will, that in all situations there was some element of choice, if only the choice of what one did in response to their rage, grief or pain. But then again, what did she know? She was just a mere mortal. She thanked Jazz again and turned toward the door, before suddenly turning back around.

"Is Primus good, Jazz? Does he love what he's made?"

That seemed to give him pause. "He and His kind are beyond good an evil," he said quietly. "Primus is a force of creation. His brother is a force of destruction. Both are needed, nether good or evil. I believe He loves us in the same way that Hound loves organics. He loves and protects us as a species. The fate of any individual, no matter how favored for a time, is of minimal importance in the long run."

Sarah nodded thoughtfully, not sure how to respond. Jazz was in far better of a position to know than she was. She looked down at her feet, and finally started speaking quietly.

"When I was a little girl, Annabelle's age, there was one thing I thought I knew for certain about God, because it's what my parents told me every day. That he loved me and loved everything he'd made. I didn't think much more about it. I just was happy, lived on this wonderful farm surrounded by beauty, parents that loved me. There was really never anything to make me question it. I know that I'm damn lucky that way."

"I didn't stay religious. I liked the stuff they taught, but to be honest, church was boring and I didn't need to be religious to believe in a force of love. When I had Annabelle, it changed from an abstract belief to something as real as her little hands and feet. Right after she came out, the first time she was on my chest, I felt like I touched something so big and beyond me it took my breath away, and what I felt was love - that something loved me, loved her, loved everyone and that I couldn't even begin to understand the depth of it. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever felt in my life, even more wonderful than when Will and I make love in Hide's hands. I knew that all I really wanted in life was to love Will and Belle and now Hide with even a sliver of what I felt that day. I don't really know what it meant, or if I was just deluding myself and my hormones were doing their work on my brain to make me bond with her. Not sure I really care."

Jazz knelt to face her again. "I know about being a mother," he spoke softly but evenly. "I've been a carrier twice, back before giving birth was outlawed. I was co-creator, the father, of three others. There is something of the divine in new life, of making something completely new out of nothing but energy. I may know it, because I knew those who asked Primus for that ability, but I knew it here," he tapped his chest. "Long before I thought to ask them. Much less Him."

She paused, wiping tears that threatened to start spilling. "I want to do this for Annabelle because I love her so much and I know I won't always be there to protect her. At least I can give her this. I hope I'm making the right decision, Jazz, to trust you. Because it's my little girl we're talking about. You all may think we can't possibly love like you can when you bond, and maybe you're right. But having a kid, having a baby who was part of my own body and fed from me and is utterly dependent on me - I'd do anything for her. Anything to give her a life where she can stay innocent as long as she can, and even after she loses that, she can continue to love and trust. I think all children deserve that, whether they are your kind or mine. I hope your Primus knows what he's doing."

"Children do deserve a chance, but for Primus ... He hasn't been in control since He gave His first children the ability to make children of their own," Jazz actually sighed, a trace of how world-weary he felt at moments leaking through. "It's not unlike what the Christian God is said to be like. He may have a plan, but free will was more important than control."

Sarah nodded, and wiped her eyes again, taking a breath to steady herself. "I've long thought it was pretty much up to us - that the force, the power of love is there, but it is all about our choice whether we want to be a part of acting on those impulses. If you've been a mom, if you've carried life inside you, then I'll trust you, Jazz. May not be a very rational reason to, because for the life of me, I can't fathom how someone who created and carried new life like you have could also destroy it just for enjoyment. To protect, to try to save others? I can understand, but not the other." She gave him a weak smile, and then turned to go.

Only the door didn't open for her.

"Because I was raised to be a killer, to do what I did for Megatron and enjoy it," Jazz told her as he stood. "The sociopath came first. I learned how to love much later. It's never been a comfortable fit, even if I stopped fighting it," he explained before opening the door. "I ... can give the basic coding to Ratchet, or whoever you choose. Red Alert's a good choice. He's the only mech I know of that can write code as difficult to hack as mine."

"Thanks Jazz," she whispered, somehow knowing that sharing the code with others was no small thing. "I think that is the only way I could convince Hide, and I don't want this to come between us. He is going to be angry about it. But the less he has to be angry about, the better. I ... I don't know what to say about how you were raised, what you were made to be, other than I'm thankful that you learned how to love and it's not the only thing you've known. And maybe it goes without saying, but I think you were right to do what you did with Miles. Maybe there was a better way to do it, but I believe you were trying to protect him. There are things I'd do for my family the same way, without a second thought, to protect them."

She gave him a last, pondering look and then headed back to her quarters.


Sarah Lennox watched Ironhide play hide and seek with Annabelle the next afternoon, delighting in the highly domestic scene and softer side of their mech. Not for the first time, she couldn't stop the quiet snicker at the thought of what any boys would be facing when she grew up. It wasn't as if an Army Ranger for a father wasn't scary enough, now there was the family mech to be vetted by as well.

The towheaded three year old was giggling from her all-too obvious hiding place behind the gigantic couch that was part of the furnishings of the mech-sized portion of their new quarters. Annabelle's influence could be seen throughout the living area - everything from scattered toys and books to crayon drawings, nearly all of which featured a large black figure or vehicle, regardless of whichever favorite theme the drawings portrayed (she had recently moved from princesses to ponies).

"Annabelle, Ironhide is going to hear you if you keep giggling like that," Sarah called out with a laugh.

"Shhhhhh mommy, don't tell where I am!" came a bright voice from behind the gigantic sofa.

Sarah glanced towards Ironhide, who wasn't even trying to hide the bemused grin as he 'searched' for her in all the places she wasn't.

"Sarah, are you looking forward to seeing what young Cybertronians are like?" he asked as he continued his search for the giggling girl.

"Looking forward doesn't even begin to describe it." She smiled. "I just wish I didn't have to wait so long. That is just a cruel pregnancy from a human point of view. Who do you suppose is going to be the first among the grounders?"

A little squeal came from the hiding spot when Hide happened to walk by, still not 'finding' the little girl.

"Prowl, I expect," he grunted, not amused to be reminded of Jazz. "Hound and Starjumper will be trying soon too. Blacksnap and Convergence if Blaster agrees to it." He paused as he looked under the human-sized table. "Though I guess Sonic and Convergence aren't grounders, even if they're symbiots to one. I know Inferno will want to, but getting Red to agree might not happen anytime soon."

Sarah could have kicked herself for bringing up Prowl and Jazz, despite the conversation topic naturally leading toward them.

"So do sparklings play hide and seek?" she asked with a wink, steering the topic in a new direction.

Before he could answer, Annabelle called out, "Find me, Hidey! I'm right here!"

The big mech chuckled and with the grace that amazed her every time she witnessed it, swooped in and snatched Annabelle from behind the mech's couch.

"Oh, they definitely do," Hide grinned and gently tossed the little girl in the air and caught her. "Far more advanced and serious than our little Belle, but they play all the skill-development games."

Annabelle screamed and giggled outrageously as Hide gently tossed her about twice her own height. "Again, again, again, Hidey!"

Sarah's face lit up in a huge grin watching them. Annabelle trusted the huge mech completely. There had been times to Sarah's horror that the precocious little girl simply stepped off his hand, knowing he would catch her. He had scolded her for those attempts, but always indulgently.

"Belle, it's time for you nap," Sarah called to the little girl even as Ironhide continued tossing her. She looked the size of a mouse in his great hands.

"I want to sleep on Hidey's seat!" She demanded.

"Not today, pumpkin. Mommy and Ironhide have things to do while you nap. He can't be stuck in his altform when you have a perfectly good bed in your room."

Ironhide raised an optic ridge as he knelt and handed the little girl to her mother, but kept his questions quiet for now.

"But I want to sleep in Hide!" the three year old wined, showing just how tired she was.

"Maybe he can give you a ride later, sweetie, if you take a good nap now. Come on, mommy will read you a story."

Annabelle continued to pout as Sarah carried her into the human sized portion of their quarters and put the little girl to bed. Hide had tired her out well. She fell asleep before Sarah had even read a page.

Returning to the living area, Sarah brushed against the black mech's complex pedes even as her mind brushed against his seemingly bottomless consciousness. ~Can we cuddle for a bit and just talk?~ she asked.

~Of course,~ he picked her up and cradled her against the thick armor of his chest before walking over to the mech sized couch and sitting down. Despite keeping his questions to himself, she could feel the intense curiosity and concern when she pressed against his awareness.

"You tired her out well," she commented, settling in to his lap, her fingers tracing circles and designs along his complex joint and armor where his leg met his torso. "But she'd sleep on your front seat every time if you let her."

"I like her there," he smiled down and stroked Sarah's back gently. "I know she's safe."

"I like her there, too, big guy," she patted the armor on his massive thigh and settled in even more comfortably, willing herself to be relaxed. "So, you aren't going to be happy with me. I had a talk with Jazz last night, 'bout Will among other things. I had a lot of reservations about what Will wanted to do, and needed to figure out for myself if I could even consider trusting the mech to do it. I know you don't, and have every reason not to, but I've never been one to let others make my opinions for me, love. I'm stubborn as hell that way."

"I've noticed," he rumbled deeply, pleased that at least she didn't trust Jazz right off. "What did you decide?"

"That the issue is complicated as hell," she sighed. "I decided that there is no way to decide about him. He is a living, walking contradiction. A sociopath in the worst sense of the word, but also someone who loves completely, has given birth literally and understands of my love for my family, and for right now, is totally needed by our side and won't betray us as long as Prowl is alive. I think that he believes he is caught in a cycle he has very little control over - that his base programming is that of a black ops sociopath who relishes what he does to break others, but then he finds someone who balances the worst parts of him, bonds, changes. When he finally loses his bondmate, instead of dying, strikes out in grief and becomes the sociopath again. I personally believe he has more choice in the matter than he admits, and maybe he knows that, but chooses to revert back to what he originally was because in some insane way it eases the pain of a life that has been way too long."

She paused for a moment, considering her words, her hand absentmindedly caressing the sensuous v-shape of the armor at his thighs. "I believe he genuinely cares about Miles, that what he did was to protect him from a fate far worse than death should there ever be a point that the kid couldn't be otherwise rescued, because Jazz has been a fate worse than death for others and knows what it means. I want to be able to do the same for Will. But, the good news is, I don't have to trust Jazz to do it. He said he'd give the code to Red Alert or to Ratchet if we asked."

She looked up at the ancient, battle-worn face she loved to gauge his feelings. The tightness there spoke of the gut reaction that made him miss much of what she'd said.

"You want Will to have that coding?" Ironhide finally managed to grate out in a combination of denial, shock and absolute horror.

She gave the mech a patient look and took a deep breath. "I do, Hide. I've always known that Will could get himself into situations where his fate could be worse than death, before we even met you or knew that the dangers he faced daily were trivial compared to what was coming. He has always carried cyanide pills on missions, and I'm pretty sure he still does, but if he were in the hands of the 'cons, they'd find those before he ever had a chance to use them. He goes on missions on a regular basis that he might never come back from, but if there is one thing I fear more than his death, it is that he'd be captured and spend what remained of his life being tortured, or worse yet, in a generator on some distant world or ship where we could never get him back before there was nothing of his mind left except for pain. I've read the history, Hide. I know that only one species was ever successfully rehabilitated from the generators, and even then, it was only those who had been there a vorn or less. I want him to have it because I love him and don't want him to ever face that fate."

"I'd never let him be captured," the old warrior raged, though he somehow kept his lower frame still where she was perched. "A vorn is a long time too, when you've got somebody out to get you back."

"A vorn is a very long time, love, and only one species out of thousands was able to handle it even that long, and even in that case, only a small number of individuals. And think about it ... a normal human life span is about a vorn. Would you really ask Will to live in that kind of agony, worse than any torture human beings can devise, for even five years waiting for rescue? I wouldn't. It would selfish of me."

"He'd make it, and he'd be rescued..."

She turned on his thigh so she could face him, meet his optics high above her as he gazed down at her with the pained look of having been betrayed. If it was this hard for him to understand Will's need for the code, how would he react to her and Annabelle? She internally shuddered at the thought.

"I believe you, Hide," she continued softly, soothingly. "If you had any choice in the matter at all, you'd not let him be captured or you'd rescue him. But what if the whole reason he was captured was because you died or were too injured to prevent it? I know the chances of that are minute, but can you really promise that could never happen? And aside from that, you are not always going to be on the same mission as Will. You are both officers, and you both have to put the good of the mission over one another. If you hadn't shown you could do that, Prime wouldn't send either one of you in."

Optics shuttered and a deep venting sigh escaped him. "I'm not sure why I even argue. He'll do it, and you'll both keep at me until I just deal with it. I'm never going to like it being there and Jazz will not do it."

She leaned her forehead against his abdomen. "I'm sorry, big guy. I know this is hard for you. And you are right; Will's mind is already made up. I happen to agree with Will in this case. I want to it to be Jazz's code because it is the least likely to be hacked, but he already said he'd hand it over to Red Alert or Ratchet, and there is no reason he ever has to have the kill codes. You'd have them, Prime, and whoever installed them, so you would still have some measure of control."

"I'll convince Ratchet to do it," he vented another deep, resigned sigh as his hand came up to cradle her tightly as the only way he had to express his distress and intention that this conversation be a moot point.

"Thanks Hide," she murmured sincerely, relaxing into the hands that were the safest place she could imagine, for herself and her family. He brought her up to his chestplates where she could hear the almost musical resonance of his spark, her own body drawn to it like a moth to flame.

"There is one other thing Jazz told me and said I should share with you," she finally said, excited and a little nervous for his reaction. "Chromia and her team are on their way."

The sparkbeat nearly doubled in speed as every cable in his frame tensed in surprise that showed on his face. "When?" he barely breathed the question even as he accessed the base mainframe to see if it knew.

"He didn't say. Only that word had just come in. How long has it been?" She felt her own body tensing in response to his, with excitement rather than anxiety.

"Since before Tyger Pax, before we launched the Allspark into space," he said softly, fine tremors cascading down his chassis. "ETA is in three days."

Sarah stroked his chest armor, her own hands trembling in sympathetic excitement for her mech. All thoughts of bringing up SpecOps protocols for her and Annabelle were set aside. She had never seen him so moved. His emotions had been tender yet fierce when he had claimed them, but even as deep as his feelings were that amazing night, it was absolutely nothing compared to what she was seeing in him now.

"Three days," she whispered. "Tell me about her, Hide. I knew she was important to you, but you've said so little. I don't think I exactly realized just how important she is."

"I never really expected you to meet her," he admitted, his voice low as hundreds of thousands of vorns worth of memories cascaded to the fore of his consciousness. A cable caressed her neck, giving her the option to object before he plugged into her. ~I barely dared think that I would see her again.~

With 'her' came the formal and quick glyphs of her Cybertronian name and a mental image of a powerfully built mech not much shorter or lighter built than he was, but who's favored weapon was a compound bow of sorts that was nearly half her height. Brilliant blue optics marked a mind as sharp as the blade she used in close quarters and melded into a light blue and green alien camo pattern. So too came a sense of great age, that she had seen as much as Ironhide himself, had fought in as many battles and been brought on line with much the same intent.

~I'm beyond happy for you, love. She looks like your perfect match. Do you think...do you think that you will bond? Have young?~ Sarah couldn't contain the tremor of excitement she felt at that. She had already seen the beauty of Hide with her own child. He seemed made to be a parent as much as he was made to be a warrior.

~We're frontliners, Sarah,~ he told her gently with the distinct impression that explained it all. ~We've been together since long before the war, but nothing more.~

Even as he said it, she could feel the tiny thrill at the idea that he was in completely denial of. She smiled inside and filed it away for future reference, wondering how that objection might change as more of the bonded pairs created new life.

~I know it sounds horribly insecure of me, but do you think she will like us? Will she care for Annabelle the way you do?~

Ironhide looked down at her with a gentle smile and stroked her reassuringly. ~I have no doubt she will like you and Will very much. We do have similar taste in sockets, though she is not as interested in bonded pairs as I am.~

When his thoughts reached Annabelle, they came to a screeching halt.

~She ... is not as fond of young ones. I was brought on line as a guardian of the Prime. No matter how much a warrior I become, I will always be a guardian at my core. She was brought on line as a warrior-scout and leader. I think she will like Annabelle. She will indulge her to no end for me. I doubt she has the core programming to be as completely taken with her as I am. She's always preferred my adult sockets to their young.~

~I honestly never would have imagined a mech as fond of children as you are, love. Two in a household would spoil her beyond redemption,~ she laughed, feeling his reaction that it was clear he thought one couldn't possibly indulge the little girl enough.

~Not possible,~ he confirmed her sense. ~There is no such possibility.~

~Will and I have not discussed sharing with others,~ she said thoughtfully. ~Have you shared sockets with her in the past? I know I'm relaxed enough to feel comfortable with that, but Will might be a different story, though I never imagined him allowing any of the sexy things you do to him on a regular basis to make him scream.~

The low rumble from Ironhide's engine revved sharply at the reminder of all that delicious energy and he freely showed her many of the moments that came to his processors.

~We frequently share sockets, though she does not claim mine. She will understand if either of you do not wish to.~

~Oh, I'll wish to all right,~ Sarah gave a wicked laugh, sending a sensuous caress to his mind to show just how excited she was by that idea, ~and Will is probably so far gone with sharing that his resistance to the idea will likely be token for the sake of his manly pride. The fact that she is a femme will help ... speaking of which ... what exactly makes her a femme, Hide? It obviously isn't size or shape or parts, and I already get that the whole he/she thing is because of organics, not because you all actually are.~

~Smart woman,~ he brushed against her with affectionate pride. ~Her first real exposure to an organic race was a group where the females were larger, stronger and deadlier than the males." With the words came passed-along memories of a predatory avian race in bright colors, the females a solid third larger than the males. "A hunter or warrior would always be female, as were the leaders. For a lot of us that first long-term encounter will set how we think of ourselves in gender terms if there isn't a reason to change. She came back from that mission firmly set as a femme.~

~God, I love her already!~ Sarah laughed. ~Frankly, so many of you identifying as mechs and reinforcing all of our gender stereotypes has never sat very well with me. I understand why, but as a woman it pisses me off to no end. I can already imagine Belle's next drawing obsession. Princesses to ponies to warrior femmes.~

Ironhide could only rumble in approval. ~Chromia will approve of that too. The gender stress is still something that is difficult to process, but I understand it exists. Belle will grow up to be a strong, fierce warrior, perhaps even Chromia's socket. She has your strength and good stock.~

Sarah's face suddenly became very red. ~Ok, that is just weird for me, Hide. I mean ... I know it is likely she will grow up to be a socket. I hope she does. It would be heartbreaking to outlive her. But, if she were Chromia's socket that means she would likely share with you ... and we are with you and ... oh God, Hide, that sounds so incestuous.~

He cocked his head and considered issue and her reaction. ~It has been so long since I've had a socket that wasn't raised as such,~ he admitted with a clear apology to it. ~It has always been common for the new socket to go to their parents' mech for their first few experiences. As someone who knows them, cares for them, to teach them so they have some idea what they're getting into when they find themselves the subject of so much interest overnight. If it makes you uncomfortable, I will make sure she has someone else to turn to.~

Sarah seriously pondered what he said. Her paradigms had already shifted so dramatically when she and Will agreed to be claimed, to, from her point of view, essentially marry a practically immortal living metal alien. More and more of her ideas of normal and acceptable were sure to change, even with Chromia's arrival.

~It really didn't occur to me until now that Will and I are the first generation of a whole new culture that will have completely different values and definitions of normal than much of humanity,~ She shook her head, awed by the idea. ~Annabelle will grow up with our relationship as her definition of family. There is no mech who will have cared for her and loved her like you do, so as absolutely strange as it seems to me, what you say makes perfect sense, as much as it tugs at my cultural taboos. It is just going to take me a long time to get my mind around...and Will...Jesus, I can't even think about mentioning the idea to him yet.~

Ironhide gently wrapped her in his presence, offering silent support. ~My offer stands. As much as I have always looked forward to showing a new socket I have raised the ways of sharing, she will have others who care about her. If she asks me though...~

Sarah gave a wry smile, ~Look at us, planning her first time when she is only three years old! If when it comes time, she asks you because it seems natural and normal to her, I won't stand in the way. I know all too well how fantastic it would be for her.~ She sighed. ~It will be easier for me to consider when she is older, but in the meantime, I wouldn't mind you showing me some of the ideas going through that fantastic processor of yours.~

~Mmm, say a few of the other young females I've guided into becoming a socket?~ he rumbled, arousal quickly overtaking any inclination to talk in his processors. ~Or the gentler memories of Chromia?~

~Mmmmm, all of the above, but I want a demonstration of your initiation techniques. I'd love to pretend to be your innocent young virgin socket,~ she licked her lips in anticipation as she began to remove her clothes.