October 29, 1977

"I'm really not that bad a girl," Lily announced for what felt like the hundredth time.

"Sorry, Evans, but no one's going to believe that now," Sirius said. He shook his head side to side like it was a terrible shame, but his smile was wicked.

"But I am good!" Lily warbled, looking at Sirius pleadingly.

"Don't try that with me now. I don't make the rules," Sirius said unswayed. Some would argue that Sirius was, by nature, unswayable.

"Aww, poor Lily. We don't care if you're a wild woman," James said.

Somehow, against all the odds, Lily had lost ten fingers. Lost against Margaret Hutchens of all people! No matter how much she wracked her brain for answers, she couldn't pinpoint how such an unfathomable thing could have happened. It was like after a point all the turns had switched over to specifically target her and no one else.

What Lily didn't realize is that her friends had done exactly that. Recognizing that she was the drunkest of the group, they'd all redirected their turns to get her as drunk as possible. Sometimes they would even discuss their answers in front of her, relying on James to keep her distracted while the people who didn't know her as well asked the other seventh year girls for ideas.

To distract her from her current pouting, James poured her another mixed drink. Tonight she was drinking one of the Marauders concoctions: giggling gin. Already, she could feel that tingling urgency, the one that came with a laugh caught in the throat. The tiniest bit of humor would be enough to send her over the edge and careening into a fit of giggles. And Lily wanted to let go. She wanted to follow that pleasant desire wherever it might take her.

Absently, Lily took a dainty sip of her new drink. Normally, she'd have cut herself off long before she reached this point. She was no foreigner to a blackout, but she tried to avoid it when possible. She was missing her regular caution, however, because she wanted to have fun and for once actually trusted that the people she was with would keep her safe. She trusted him.

Like it was an enormous revelation, Lily turned to James and said, "I trust you!"

"I'd hope so since I've been pouring your drinks for an hour now," James said with a raised eyebrow.

"No," Lily said, and she gripped his cheeks in both hands so that she could force him to look her in the eye. Her fingers unintentionally smushed his cheeks together so that he resembled a fish. "I trust you."

Gently, James nudged his nose against her own, the movement every bit as intimate as a kiss. Unfortunately, it was also kind of silly and just the impetus that Lily needed to completely lose control over her giggling, a misfortune because she'd been trying to communicate something important to him. Lily thought maybe he still understood though because he pulled her more solidly into his chest, allowing her to curl up in his lap like a kitten in front of a fire. She thought the metaphor was especially apt because James truly burned like a fire. Burned her.

Somehow it came about that the group wanted another game, and this time they wouldn't be denied: Spin the Bottle. It was amazing to watch how their little group grew and transformed once the word was out. In a party full of hormonal teenagers, an opportunity to act out some of their sexual frustrations, risk-free, was always popular. Their circle expanded to a sea of new faces, all familiar if virtually strangers.

In addition to being popular, games like Spin the Bottle were also messy. There were the nihilists, the people who said: Fuck it. None of this matters. Burn the rule book along with all my inter-personal relationships. Then there were the prudes, usually girls with a long list of what made an acceptable partner for them. Not that they didn't sometimes have a good point. Mary and Erin's insistence, for example, that they would only kiss girls and more narrowly, girls who were comfortable with it, was perfectly reasonable. Finally there were 'the couples,' which for the first time, was exactly where James and Lily fell.

"Well, I can't play," Lily said, turning to James for confirmation. "You already did the thing with the pinching of the lips and the no more kissing."

"That's true…but we don't want to be…you know, uptight about all this…what if you just played like McDonald and Bauman and only kissed other girls?" James offered slowly.

Lily wrinkled her nose at him. "That's kind of shitty, James."

Speculative, James turned to Mary and asked whether or not Lily was right.

"Little bit," Mary agreed. "Fetishistic and all that."

"Okay, um…I mean, I trust you," James said hesitantly.

"And I trust you," Lily responded immediately.

"And it's a party. We don't want to sit out on the fun. We don't want to be that couple."

"Right, it's just a game," Lily seconded.

They both stared at each other with matching looks of unease. James looked queasy. Lily felt queasy.

She just had to remind herself that none of this was a big deal. So what if James kissed another girl. It was just a game. It would be every bit as meaningless as her kiss with Peter. She wasn't some insecure, needy child, wringing her hands with worry that her boyfriend might become interested in someone else. Their relationship was still new and exciting, and James had certainly chased her long enough that she didn't need to question whether or not he found her attractive. As far as James was concerned, she was the pinnacle.

All of her resolve shattered after exactly one turn when Henry practically slobbered all over poor Celia Vance. There was tongue and a kind of sucking noise as they broke apart, audible even in the din of the party.

Lily spun to face James. "Never mind. I'm not playing and you shouldn't either."

"Oh, thank Godric," James said vehemently.

"Really?" Lily asked. She was relieved to see that James didn't find her needy or weak for backing out. If anything, he looked enormously grateful to not have to go through with the whole kissing other people thing.

"Yeah, I mean, we're still cool. We don't have to play to be cool," James said.

"So cool," Lily parroted.

"Oh my God! You two are such a couple!" Marlene interrupted.

"Yeah, Marly and I are playing without the house falling down," Sirius said.

Marlene was right, of course. They – Lily and James – really, really were one of those couples now. And even in the face of her classmates' knowing smiles, she couldn't bring herself to care. They were officially off the Spin the Bottle market.

"We're just going to watch," James announced lazily.

"Watch?" Lily questioned. She twisted around so that she was sitting crossways across his lap, sick of not being able to see his face as she talked to him.

"Snog?" James tried again.

Lily's answering smile nearly split her face.

Discretion when it came to these things was normally important to Lily. Since all of her peers in the circle were engaging in a hedonistic ritual where they snogged each other at random, however, Lily was a little less concerned about it. She lost herself in James. Her senses were just dulled enough by the alcohol that she only had room for one thing, and James monopolized her senses.

She loved the smell of him. All of the contrasting scents that mingled together to create an ambrosia that was just a little unexpected. There was the tang of whiskey, blown into her mouth as they kissed. The almost-neutral-but-not-quite chemical smell of his shampoo. The scent of the deep forest, all fallen leaves and encroaching moss, that seemed to cling to him even if he'd spent his entire day indoors. The musky scent of his natural body odor that somehow didn't repel her, hidden away under the cacophony that was all of those other competing smells.

Their kisses, each slide of her lips on his, was quick and earnest. Quick mostly because Lily kept spontaneously giggling into James' mouth. He bore her interruptions well, simply moving to pepper kisses along her chin whenever she wound herself up into too great a fit of laughter.

Winding her arms around his neck, Lily brought his mouth back to hers. This time, she tried to be a little more actively involved. That mean slipping her tongue along the seam of his lips in a silent bid to get him to open up. He did and soon their tongues were gliding wetly together. The way he held her was almost lazy, one large hand running teasingly down her side and his other arm hooked loosely around her waist. In contrast, it was Lily who tried to meld him to her by her grip around his neck and thrust their upper bodies more closely together. While his approach may have been soft, it did nothing to belie the hardness of his chest and body. A curious counterpoint to her own.

A burst of cheering – it seemed some poor bloke had spun the bottle and landed on Alice – broke Lily's concentration. She turned, offering James her neck, to see what was happening. The sight of Alice grimacing darkly at the boy who edged closer to her was too much for poor Lily. She started giggling anew, absolutely shaking at how terrified the boy looked, like he was marching forward to a fate worse than death. (And knowing Alice, she just might decide to kill him.)

"I'm really glad we're not playing right now," James whispered into her ear as Alice gave the bloke a kiss that was more teeth and snarl than anything else.

Lily couldn't agree more.

"It's been a while since you told me a joke. I'm bereft," Lily said.

"In your state right now? You'll fall off the chair laughing. Best to save it. Don't drink and joke and all that," James said.

"No, I demand my joke. Right now, mister," Lily said bossily, crossing her arms and giving him her best glare.

"What do you think I am? Some kind of clown born to entertain you? That all you have to do is say the word and ten jokes just come flying out?" James demanded.

On a good day, Lily thought his wounded pride act really needed work. Playing outraged only worked if you could keep your smirk off your damnably nice lips for more than five seconds. Today though, she found it hilariously funny like everything else. Chortling, Lily had a hard time getting out her rejoinder. "Y-y-e-yes! Da-ddda-dance, monkey, dance!"

"Unbelievable," James said. He gave her side a sharp pinch that barely registered. "Seriously though, I'm trying to come up with a good one about kissing but I've just got nothing."

"How is that possible? Kissing should be the easiest material in the world. It's got all the mouths and the feelings and the fluids," Lily said.

"I know! But everything I'm coming up with is too...easy. I think that's why there are no good jokes on the subject. Everyone goes with the obvious and then nothing ever gets written," James said dolefully.

"Okay, well just give me another one," Lily urged.

James huffed heavily. "Maybe I'm tired, ever consider that? I'm drunk, not as drunk as you, but I'm getting there, and you expect me to just pull one of my classic, patented zingers out of my hat. It's not that simple, Evans, and you ought to be ashamed."

"You're not even wearing a hat," Lily muttered.

James narrowed his eyes at her. It was a pretty menacing sight, and she suddenly wondered if they'd inadvertently drifted into real argument territory. If so, they were totally the couple now. The couple were always the two that thought it was appropriate to spat about asinine things in front of their friends.

"Listen," James growled. "I'd tell you a joke about Chemistry, but I don't think I'd get a reaction."

She blinked.

Blinked, and then, "Oh my God! You jerk! I thought you were really cross with me!" Lily berated him, giving him a punishing shove in the shoulder followed by a light punch from her tightly balled fist. James cackled merrily like he was the one who'd taken one too many sips from the giggling gin. "How do you even know that joke? Chemistry?"

"Remus got me a muggle joke book for Christmas," James said.

"Okay, I get how you knew the joke, but how did you understand it? For all you know, it didn't make sense. What if it had legitimately not been funny? Not that your jokes aren't normally humorless. You've made a bit of an art from the unfunny," Lily said.

"It didn't make any sense at first, you're right. I had to do order some muggle books on Chemistry to figure it out, but I thought it was pretty clever once I did," James answered, ignoring her aspersions on his joke-telling.

"Wait…you study the jokes in your joke book? You've studied Chemistry solely to understand a stupid pun?" The idea was too absurd to be considered, and yet it was the very absurdity that convinced Lily that was exactly what had happened. She was dating a joke-wielding menace!

"I'm a bit of a Renaissance man," James said, puffing out his chest. "Well-rounded and all that."

Lily figured she probably should take a moment – once she was good and sober – to appreciate just how open James was to new knowledge. Even amongst the "unprejudiced" purebloods, there was a resistance to learning anything about muggle culture. All of muggle learning was automatically devalued. That James was so willing to read up on science or attend a muggle film were oddities. Oddly beautiful oddities.

Granted, she'd had to explain what a refrigerator was to him once. The Renaissance man claims may have been a bit premature.

"Oh! I've got one! A joke about kissing!" Lily practically leapt off James' lap in her excitement. "I might mess up the delivery a bit...it's kind of hard to remember, and I don't know if you realize this, but –" Lily leaned toward him conspiratorially, " – I'm a bit drunk."

"Blimey, Lily. I hadn't realized!" James said, bringing his hand to his heart. "You hide it so well."

Lily nodded serenely. "I've always been very composed."

"That you have."

"Anyways, the joke. Do you know the fairytale of the Princess and the Frog? No? Okay, so in the original story, there's a princess and she meets a frog that has gotten into her bedroom in the tower…only it's probably not in a tower because how would the frog have gotten up there? He couldn't have scaled the walls…anyway, it doesn't matter. So the frog is in her bedroom, and he says, 'Kiss me and I'll become a prince and marry you.' So, the princess does, and then he does, and then they get married," Lily said.

"Wait, she just kisses it? On its frog mouth? That's bloody disgusting. What kind of story is this to tell kids?" James sputtered.

"Oh, don't act like wizarding fairytales are any better. I've read about that enchanted boot wandering the countryside," Lily snapped.

"You attend Hogwarts," James said slowly. "What strikes you as implausible about a boot that can travel?"

Lily had to concede the point, which she did by saying, "Shut up and listen to the rest of my joke!"

"I thought the girl being so desperate for a husband that she kisses a frog was the joke," James said.

"No, that's just the story. Ergh, would you just listen?" Lily pleaded, less because she was bothered by the interruption than out of concern that she'd lose the traces of the joke entirely if he kept distracting her. "So, in the joke, not the story, the frog tells her that he'll marry her and then he continues, 'and once you're married you'll clean up after me, and do my washing, and all the cooking' and she's a princess too, so I imagine he also said something like, 'and I'll never respect your authority as my sovereign but try to take all your power and demand that you cater to my ego forever and ever.' So after the frog said all that, he told her to pucker up, and instead she kicked him out of the tower…or actually, no, that night she had frog legs for dinner!"

"Oh, Lily," James said, shaking his head in faux-sympathy. "You went with a woe-is-me-don't-get-married joke? The lowest form of comedy?"

"No! It's about the frog legs punch line," Lily protested.

"No, it's about how no sane woman would ever get married," James countered. "The lowest form of comedy."

"You didn't find it funny at all?" Lily pouted.

"Oh no, I thought it was hilarious. Especially that bit you ad-libbed about how he'd threaten her power as princess. Very funny stuff," James said.

Mollified, Lily pecked him on the cheek. They then turned their combined attention to the group of players. The game was slow by design because all of the fun was in the kissing, not the spinning, so people tried to make their moment linger as long as possible. Well, depending on who their partner was they did. Sometimes the best they could do was close their eyes and hope it ended as soon as possible.

It was Marlene's turn just then. The empty firewhiskey bottle that was being used as the core tool of the game spun rapidly under her decisive twist. As it began to deaccelerate, Lily's breath caught in her throat. There were some frogs in this circle, and she didn't want Marlene kissing any of them. Quickly, her worry for Marlene turned into acute concern as the bottle landed on its final choice. There was something fated about how the lip of the bottle landed directly in front of Mary's well-shined shoes. Mary's eyes widened uncomprehendingly at the bottle, like she'd suddenly stopped understanding the rules of the game.

Cat-calls rose up from around the circle, all while Mary continued to stay silent in her disbelief. Flustered, albeit a little bit less so, Marlene stared at the bottle as well.

"Well, alright then. The bottle, our ficklest of gods, has chosen!" Sirius announced.

"You don't have to do it if you're not comfortable," Mary told Marlene urgently. There was something wild about her just then, and Lily wished she could have put a blindfold over the eyes of everyone watching because they had no business seeing Mary come undone like this.

"Oh yes she does. It's in the rules!" Margaret Hutchens said. There'd been so many cases of people trying to back out of their assigned kiss that rules had been made, and a few members of the group were now intensely enforcing them. They lacked the perspective to recognize that this was a different matter entirely. Mary and Marlene weren't just being unnecessarily squeamish.

"She can do anything she wants," Mary snapped.

Since an angry Mary MacDonald wasn't something anyone wanted to face, Margaret backed down immediately.

"It's fine, Mary, really. It's only a game," Marlene said soothingly.

"No, it's…I don't want you to feel weird," Mary protested.

"I won't. Don't make a big deal out of this!"

"No!"

"Well, why not?" Marlene insisted.

"Because I'm uncomfortable!"

The circle grew quiet at Mary's outburst.

"Why would you…I don't understand," Marlene said, upset and not bothering to hide it.

"Because we're friends," Mary tried weakly.

"So is just about everyone in the circle, and it doesn't matter," Marlene returned immediately. There was something in her posture that showed she was aching for a fight. Every one of Mary's points was going to receive a swift answer.

"Because you're straight," Mary tried again.

"Oh, so you can only kiss Erin?" Marlene said.

"No, it's just – "

"Mary, you are going to kiss me, and you are going to like it!" Marlene ordered fiercely.

Lily wanted to dig a hole in the ground. Once it was good and deep, she'd bury herself in it. Maybe she'd take Mary as well, just so she too could escape the stifling awkwardness of the moment. Sure, no one but Lily and Mary herself were in a position to understand why everything was so terrible, but others probably had their suspicions, and a sense of unease had floated around the circle, infecting all of them.

It was only with great reluctance that Mary relented. Doing her best to alleviate the tension, Marlene brushed a strand out of Mary's face and crossed her eyes in a silly face. It did succeed in making Mary smile, though Lily didn't think it made the moment any better. Feather-light, the two girls leaned in and kissed. Like they had for every other turn, the group began to chant down from ten seconds, the time limit until the two could break apart. Predictably, Mary kept very still throughout. Considering how much she cared for Marlene, Lily imagined that Mary didn't want to do anything that could be perceived as taking advantage. As a result, all of the movement in the kiss had to come from Marlene, and she didn't let Mary's reticence hinder her one bit.

"Three…two…one!"

Finally, the game-sanctioned kiss could end. Like Marlene was covered in spiders, Mary pulled abruptly back, and in doing so, revealed Marlene's face to Lily. What she saw there was more than a little surprising. Seconds after Mary had ended the kiss, Marlene's eyes remained closed. The girl came to like she'd just remembered herself and her location, fingers drifting to hover over her tender lips.

Lily didn't want to read too much into it – Marlene's dazed expression and the way she hadn't scooted back from the center of the circle to her waiting seat – but it was kind of hard not to. Missing all of it, Mary kept her eyes studiously trained to the floor. Hovering in her peripheral vision was Sirius, but Lily didn't want to look at him directly. Something about turning to see his reaction would grant the moment a magnitude that seemed overwhelming and which Mary appeared to be trying very hard to suppress.

"Hey, party people! I brought the yummies!"

Lily glanced up, to just over James' shoulder, to see Dorcas standing behind the couch holding a box of cupcakes. And oh what beautiful cupcakes. They were bedecked with candy-pink frosting and delicately placed sprinkles carved into the shape of stars. Without taking a bite, Lily could tell that the icing would be frothy and light, while the cake part would be fudgy and delicious. Such luscious looking cupcakes were just about the only thing that could have distracted Lily from the fact that she'd been on the lookout for Dorcas for the past several hours.

"They've got a custard filling too," Dorcas announced proudly as she waved the box around in everyone's faces.

"Where'd you nab these from?" James asked, hurriedly grabbing two for himself. He'd managed a large bit before his sentence was completed.

"Just down at the kitchens. The house elves will make them for your birthday if you ask, and mine's tomorrow," Dorcas said casually.

"What? How did we not know about this?" Sirius bellowed.

"It's an outrage!" James agreed, horrified and dripping crumbs everywhere.

"All those years of cupcakes wasted!" Remus griped with equal drama.

"You didn't know about that?" Peter asked cheerfully, grabbing his own cupcake.

Three heads turned slowly towards him. It was eerie, like something out of a horror movie, the way they turned in unison. Peter had been eating his cupcakes for years and never thought to mention it to his friends. A capital offense in the world of the Marauders, or any group of teenage boys really.

While they sorted the betrayal out amongst themselves, Dorcas held the box in front of Lily. "Want one?"

"I do…but I had a cookie at lunch."

Just a glimpse into the box was enough to have her salivating, her very biology pleading that she cave on her rules just this once and indulge. It was a Saturday, the one day of the week she allowed herself sweets. One sweet though. That was the rule, and she'd already had the cookie, and oh god! It was awful trying to reconcile her longing with her principles.

"So?" Dorcas said with a tiny chuckle, the kind that indicated she didn't know the first thing about Lily and her rules. She settled onto the arm of the couch so that she was sitting directly next to Peter and close enough to still talk to Lily, feet settled onto Peter's cushion.

"I can only have one piece of chocolate on Saturdays," Lily said forlornly.

"Or what? You die?" Dorcas asked. "Are you allergic to chocolate? I had a cousin who was allergic to apples, and she would still eat them anyway because she loved them so much. Made her face bright red, but that was the worst of it."

"No, I just…" Lily reached out and plucked a cupcake from the box. She felt like she was in a dream, that same kind of floating, disempowered feeling that came with dreaming where she didn't have to make any decisions and life would just lead her forward. All she had to do was react. "I really want this cupcake."

She brought the confection to her mouth, but just then Alice noticed and called from across the circle, "Breaking the rules, eh?"

The dream metaphor still being apt, it was like she was suddenly woken. Her arm fell back, holding the cupcake at a distance. Mentally, she chastised herself, calling herself bad Lily! And any number of other childish taunts. Her internal struggle became so intense in fact that tears began to blur at the corner of her eyes. She just felt so helpless and terrible. Eating the cupcake wasn't an option because then everyone would hate her, but she wanted it so much, and couldn't she ever have anything?

"Lily, are you crying?" Dorcas asked, equal parts disbelieving and amused.

"I just…want it so, so, so badly. You have no idea," Lily warbled. The tears weren't falling yet but they were growing precariously close.

"Okay," Dorcas said slowly, stretching the 'y' out to two syllables. "What do you think will happen if you eat it?"

"I'll be a failure and no one will like me anymore. You'll think I'm stupid and normal, and so will all my friends, and the professors, and James, and I just can't," Lily said and there were definite tears slipping down her cheeks now.

Even in the midst of Peter's cupcake selfishness – what would forever more be called cupcake-gate – James was able to pull away at her unconcealed wailing. His eyes widened in horror and he looked to Dorcas for answers that the other girl couldn't provide. A heat was rising up Lily's back, and she swore she was going to start sobbing any second. Life was just too hard, and even if she didn't eat the cupcake, she was a failure. A failure because she wanted it in the first place. Winners didn't feel this kind of temptation. And no one admired a failure. They didn't invite them to Hogsmeade and ask them to dress up for Halloween. Despite all of her efforts she was going to end up alone and miserable.

Dorcas's soft face transformed, gone was the kindness around her mouth. In its place was an angular chin and a grit to her teeth. "Lily, you're worried I won't like you if you eat the cupcake? Let me tell you. If you don't eat that cupcake, I will hate you forever. I will literally never talk to you again. Do you want that?"

"N-n-no!"

"Then eat it!"

There was no argument to that, so Lily hurriedly brought the cupcake to her mouth and bit into its gooey center. Heaven in thin paper wrapping. It was every bit as delicious as she'd always hoped.

"Now there you go. All better?" Dorcas sing-songed like she was talking to a baby.

Had she been less drunk, Lily would have sank through the floor. Instead, she just smiled merrily and took another bite.

"I'm taking this," James announced before plucking her hovering mixed drink out of the air and setting it out of her reach.

"What, why?" Lily bleated.

James gave her an irritatingly knowing look. Okay, so she could kind of surmise why by the way the room was moving too fast for her, but still. There was something kind of cool about the timber of the lighting in her warped perception, the way the shadows from the fireplace grew larger. Now that was what magic was supposed to feel like, not a hastily cast charm, but the feeling of wonder at the world and all that it could hold.

"Oh! I wanted to ask you something!" Lily said, suddenly remembering her previous mission regarding Dorcas. "We – Marlene and I – are going to dress as the Supremes for Halloween, and we have a third costume, and we totally want you to dress up with us."

"The singing group?"

"Just the one," Lily said.

"Isn't that what Shelia's going as?" Dorcas asked.

Lily didn't like the way her stomach flipped uneasily at the mention of Shelia. She didn't much like a lot of things these days though, so she didn't pay it too much notice. Instead she just shrugged. "I don't know what she's doing. We're going as the Supremes though."

"…Alright, I mean why not. I've always been so jealous of the costumes you guys put together each year. You always look amazing," Dorcas said.

"Well, I'm always jealous of your clothes. You wear the cutest outfits," Lily said.

"Aww, thank you."

"Quick question, have you ever been to a department store?" Lily simply had to know.

Dorcas laughed like she thought Lily was setting up some kind of joke. "Of course I have."

"Oh God, you're just perfect!"

Before Lily could think she lunged out of James' lap to give Dorcas a hug. This involved flinging herself across Peter's sitting form, separating him from the other marauders who were still berating him over withholding his cupcake knowledge (a lecture that Lily thought was well earned now that she'd tried the cupcake and realized how good it was). Catching her so that she didn't topple off the couch, Dorcas gripped Lily by the waist and allowed herself to be pulled into a tight embrace.

With the sweet taste of chocolate still clinging to the back of her teeth and the fresh wave of optimism that came with knowing she had successfully made a new friend, Lily found herself happier than she could remember being in a long time. This night was wonderful, a predestined gift to make up for all the drama she'd had to survive in the past month. She hoped it never ended…

"That's it, you're going to bed," James said.

Lily turned her head from side to side to figure out who James could possibly be talking to before she had to admit that it was her. "No, I don't wanna."

"You've cried, nearly knocked Peter out, and thrown yourself at Dorcas all in the past four minutes. Two minutes ago I thought you were going to bawl, and now you're grinning like a loon. You need to take a nap, sleep off the alcohol a bit," James ordered.

When it was all laid out bare before her, she could see his argument pretty clearly. What he didn't understand though was how she was feeling inside. How could she step away from the party when it was still in full swing and the night had so much potential still left out on the table?

"But it's Peter's big night!" Lily whined. "We're celebrating him!"

"And he'll still be here if you just go close your eyes for half an hour," James reasoned.

"I don't want to go to my bed. Maybe I'll go to yours instead," Lily said.

"Knock yourself out," James said casually.

Lily frowned. "All alone?"

James tapped his tongue against the front of his teeth, laughing like he couldn't believe her. "Are you asking me to take you up to my bedroom, Lily?"

"Well, I'm not asking Sirius."

With a great deal of griping, James agreed to escort her upstairs. He loudly announced for anyone that might be listening that he would not be staying, and he would resist all her attempts to take advantage of him. All of her really good glares, designed to shut him up and save some of her dignity, didn't produce a strong effect as she giggled helplessly.

It was for the best that he'd agreed as the amount that Lily had drank became abundantly clear once she tried to navigate the staircase. She wobbled like a three-legged table in an earthquake. Carefully, James hooked his arm underneath her armpits and started hauling her up the steps. Her shoulder dragged heavily against the stone wall as he moved diligently forward. Lily didn't share his persistence, so she didn't lift her feet as quickly as she needed to and her left ankle collapsed backwards. Hobbled, she sank halfway into a crouch, which forced James to slow down and look back at her.

"You know, you're the second drunk person I've had to babysit in like, thirty hours, and it's not exactly fun," James said.

"I bet I'm more fun than…" Lily wracked her brain for who he could have possibly been with the night before. As far as she could remember, he'd spent the better part of the night with her, "…Sirius."

"I don't know. He can be a pretty good time," James said.

Lily pictured Sirius whipping his hair around as he danced at the club the week before and couldn't disagree.

Despite his good-natured griping, James didn't leave her to sleep in the staircase. Sighing heavily, he scooped her up from beneath the knees, so that he could carry her cradled against his chest. Feeling warm and swaddled, Lily buried herself closer and let her head rest on his shoulder. She'd always been fond of that shoulder.

In this fashion, James carried her to his room. Unlike the last time she was there, it was actually fairly neat. It looked like someone had been doing the cleaning with all the boys' pants hidden away in the basket and their trash placed in the bin. James' bed was even made. Not that it stayed that way. After James deposited her on the bed, the very first thing she did was tear his blankets up so that she could scramble beneath, pulling them to the very top of her neck.

"Alright, sleep well," James said.

"Wait, you're leaving?" Lily cried.

"Celebrating Peter, remember?"

"Peter will still be there when I wake up, remember?"

James chuckled as Lily flipped open the top of the blankets to reveal a sliver of mattress. Seductively, she patted the bed. Throatily, she said, "I want you to come to bed."

"You're drunk," James warned.

"And?"

"And so I'm not going to snog you, Lils," James said.

Rolling her eyes, Lily said, "James, do you really think I only want you in bed because I'm drunk? Do you think I'd be acting any bit differently if I was sober?"

"I think you wouldn't be bright red," James muttered oppositionally, but he allowed Lily to draw him down into the bed alongside her.

Lily felt a little off-balance, even though she was lying down on her back with nowhere to fall. That said, there was something scintillating about it. Her dimmed senses just meant that everything else was heightened. A graze along her side was a shock and then a balm. What was only a low heat in her belly felt like a blaze. And feeding into it all was the sense of pure safety she felt with James beside her. Not safety in that he could protect her from harm, but safety in that she didn't have to guard herself against his judgment. She wasn't worried about impressing him or hiding any part of herself. It was the very definition of intoxicating.

They made out for a bit, open-mouthed and legs tangled together. Within minutes James had forgotten all about his refusals and desire for Lily to get some sleep. She couldn't blame him as they were both pretty damn good together. James was careful with her, more than he'd ever been before, stroking the sides of her face and massaging the tense muscles around her neck. What shocked her more than anything was how there could still be so much heat contained in something so gentle. The energy between them burned every bit as hot as when they were slamming into walls and smashing teeth together. In fact, the way James teased the corners of her lips with his tongue was almost hotter. Her need was growing organically, and she had to rub her thighs together restlessly a few times as things became unbearable.

The only complaint she could possibly make was that the rims of his specs kept getting in the way. She tried to pull them off, but her movements were bumbling and she couldn't quite manage it. Swiftly, he did the honors for her, depositing them on his bedside table and returning to their kiss.

"Much better," Lily purred. "I love when I can see your eyes."

She ran the pads of her fingers around his eyes and then over his closed eyelids. His eyelashes fluttered against her finger, soft as a feather.

"And your nose," she continued, letting her fingers trail down to explore the ridge of his nose.

"My nose?" James said in disbelief, eyes still closed and perfectly still so that she could explore in peace.

She could understand why he was surprised. James' nose was probably the only feature of his face that wasn't traditionally attractive. It was just a little bit larger than average, the slightest bit crooked like he'd been hit with a bludger and never had it reset – not that it hadn't been crooked long before he started playing Quidditch. The style of his glasses served to minimize his nose, but without them, she could see it exactly as it was naturally, and she couldn't find a single flaw.

"Yes, your nose," Lily said. "And your jaw."

She couldn't resist replacing her fingers with her lips for this part. The hard lines, like he'd been drawn in swift brushstrokes, just called for her to nip along them. Unthreatened, James exposed his neck to her so that she could better access all of him. There was something of the boy still in James' face, but none of that was evident in the strength of his jaw. Such clear proof of his masculinity drew to the part of her that longed for the future: for nights spent with a husband and children and a slew of cats.

"Anything else?" James asked, the barest hint of breathlessness creeping through his unaffected façade.

"Hmm, let me think," Lily tapped her chin. "These are okay too, I guess." She rolled up so that she could lean over him and kiss him directly on the mouth once more. (Okay was a bit of an understatement). A great deal of her class time over the past several weeks had been spent with nothing but his mouth on her mind. It was less the look of it aesthetically so much as the way his mouth moved when he spoke. It was what you would call an expressive mouth. And as she would watch him talk or bite his lips, all she could think about was how adept he was at maneuvering it to her pleasure.

"Is, um…has, I mean, it's been five days since Tuesday," James said awkwardly.

"You're such a good counter," Lily teased unhelpfully.

"You're hilarious," James said. "What I'm trying to ask is whether I can take your skirt off."

Lily grinned. "Help yourself."

The last remnants of her period had dried out late yesterday, so there was nothing to stop them. Lily thought she deserved some kind of medal for her patience up until this point. That she'd had James mouth on her once and then managed to wait so long for a repeat performance was a feat of self-control.

With Lily's shimmying assistance, James managed to remove her skirt and knickers in ten seconds flat. She proceeded to strip off her top and bra too, so that she was completely naked underneath the covers. James, without having to be told, did the same. He tried to pull the covers back so that he could see her body, but she yanked them firmly into place over the both of them. It was far too cold in the room for that. Layers were their friends. James gave her an adorable pout at being denied, but she ignored it. Tonight was a night for feeling the moment, not for staring at it.

They were both naked against each other, which was a new experience. Up until now, they'd always been vertical, pressing into walls and trying to cling to each other even as gravity so rudely tried to keep them separated. She could quickly become used to the feeling of James on top of her though, her entire body covered by his significantly larger one. So as not to crush her, he'd braced his forearms on either side of her head, but she thought she wouldn't mind the feeling of his whole body weight on top of her.

Most significant was his cock, impossible to ignore and trapped between his belly and her hip. They were just very close to something. Technically speaking, Lily had never been this close to one of her ex-boyfriends. She'd never let it get to this point because she'd always worried that their expectations would get too high at this stage. With James she wasn't worried. In fact, she was a little worried she'd have to beg him to have sex with her when the day came (if the day came) because he was so conscientious about her boundaries.

Very carefully, James gave a slight buck of his hips so that his prick rubbed up her hip and along the flat of her belly. He closed his eyes in pleasure. Lily had to fight to keep hers open in turn because for something that hadn't involved contact with her own erogenous zones, it had felt damn good. An internal pleasure that rose up within her at their proximity and the promise of what was to come.

"James," Lily said breathily into his mouth. "I want you to –" She cut herself off because she didn't know how to articulate the thought, the kind of thing that was too dirty to say aloud, and considering the shameful things she'd said with James to date, that was saying something.

Instead of voicing her thought, she decided to make it a reality herself. Feminism and all that. She wedged a hand between them so that she could grip his cock and tugged at it, encouraging James to shift so that she could move it where she pleased. He obliged, gasping wildly when she settled it directly atop her pussy.

"Lily, I don't –" James said urgently.

"I know. I'm not that drunk," Lily reassured him. She wasn't going to lose her virginity like this, and the fact that he knew as much was infinitely comforting.

She just wanted to feel close to him, as close as possible, and short of having him inside her, that meant slanting her hips so that his cock could rest lengthwise between the spread lips of pussy, the head on her clit. The sensations were spasmic and instantaneous, just like she'd predicted they would be. Her head fell back into the pillow behind her.

When she opened her eyes, James was looking down at her with lips parted. He'd yet to move. Unsure as to how exactly this was going to work, Lily didn't want to just start bucking her hips either. She didn't want to risk any motion that could involve him accidentally penetrating her, and she wasn't sure how great the risk actually was because she wasn't exactly experienced with this. As a compromise, she reached between them again so that she could hold his cock steady. Confident that he wasn't going to move now, she was able to slide her pussy along the firm length of him. She could hear his sharp intake of breath mixing with her own small noise of arousal.

James didn't need to be led every step of the way. Of his own accord, he leaned forward to resume their kiss. A sloppy meeting of mouths in which the only goal was to be near one another. His roaming tongue left her lips slick and pink. Meanwhile, James gently removed her hand which had been holding his prick in place. He clearly had faith in his abilities to finish the job now that he knew exactly what she wanted. His hips pumped back and forth in measured strokes, driving him over the top of her mound, along her swollen clit, through the wet lips of her pussy. Her own canting hips only served to drive her clit against him with more intensity.

Her hand now freed, Lily ran it along the stretch of his naked back. Smooth and unblemished, his back was like a blank canvas, a very muscular canvas. One that grew taut and then corded with each flex of his body. When he gave one particularly rough drive against her pussy, her sharp nails drove into his muscles. From there, she explored further down his body, questing over the flexing muscles of his arse. Lily realized that she could use it to drag him against her at her preferred pace and quickly took to encouraging him to hump her faster and faster and then faster again.

Everything felt perfect from the way her nipples scraped against his chest to the luxurious feeling of his expensive sheets, but it wasn't quite enough. And the longer she went on the verge of orgasming without achieving it, the more desperate she became. Lily left one hand on his arse – squeezing and guiding in equal measure – and moved the other one to his cock once more. This time she guided it so that the blunt head hovered over her clit. She tapped it against herself rapidly. When that wasn't enough, she placed it on her firmly and began to roll her hips in so that her clit would slide in a circular motion along it.

The tightness in her abdomen grew to a frustrating degree, but her orgasm still lurked miserably just out of reach. Instead of moans, the noises that escaped her were all whines. Pleasure transforming into a need that was somehow more intense than her strongest orgasm to date.

To her extreme dissatisfaction, James abruptly leapt up breaking all contact between them. She vowed to murder him if he tried to leave the room before she was good and satisfied. Worrying that he was going to leave her wanting was foolish of course. All he did was crawl hurriedly down her body so that he could more comfortably reach her pussy with his hand. Two fingers slid inside of her, and he quickly set in on a fast-paced fingering that had her sitting straight up in shocked pleasure.

She gripped onto his shoulder as he crooked his fingers inside of her, manipulating the other side of the nerves that made up the base of her pleasure. His thumb took up the work on her clit in place of his cock, rubbing tight circles against her. As everything came together, her orgasm no longer looked out of reach.

"I know you wanted my cock on you, but you just needed something inside of you. Isn't that right? You're going to come now, aren't you, Lily? Come on, baby. Just come," James purred.

It wasn't his words that sent her over the edge, but they were fortuitously timed. Gasping, she reached her orgasm. While it wasn't her first time coming with something inside of her, she wasn't accustomed to the sensation of her walls contracting around something, and she could count the number of times she pulsed around his fingers. (Not that her mind was focused on that at all.) After all that build up, the pleasure didn't disappoint. In fact, the edge of her intoxication made her feel it all the more strongly and she shuddered, ecstasy zinging from her shoulders to her clenching toes.

She wanted to collapse bonelessly into the bed and take her well-earned nap. (Hadn't the whole point of them coming upstairs been so that Lily could get some sleep?) James was still very much unfinished, however, and she couldn't leave him like that. With one of her past boyfriends maybe she wouldn't have minded, but James was such a generous lover that she'd be the definition of selfish if she greedily took everything he had to offer and gave nothing in return.

"On your back," Lily ordered breathlessly.

Once James complied, Lily slid down his body so that her mouth was level with his cock. She skittered her fingers along the base and blew on the tip. She ghosted her tongue along the slit, already wet and salty. She let her mouth just hover over the head of him. Basically, she did everything she could to work him up, so that he would suffer in the same way she had.

"Fuck, come on, Lily," James groaned. "I didn't tease you."

"The more you have to wait for it, the better it'll be," Lily said. Her statement was true though her concern really wasn't for his pleasure.

"I'll remember that for next time we're together," James said viciously.

His warning had an immediate effect as Lily did not want to experience his idea of retribution. Swiftly she drove down the length of him, making sure to give a good suck as she drew back up. Settling a little past the head, she relaxed her mouth so that James could begin to cant his hips at his own pace. He never pushed deep, staying far away from the back of her throat, but began to thrust rapidly into her wet mouth. She kept her tongue flat within her mouth but slid it back and forth so that he'd experience the additional sensation.

James made all sorts of noise throughout. It was funny how alcohol affected them differently. For Lily, she'd grown quieter with her intoxication, like the pleasure overwhelmed her past the point of speech. Or maybe there was an element to her typical moans that was just for show, and drunk as she was, she forgot that she was supposed to be vocal. James, on the other hand, was a grunting and keening mess. And she lapped up the sounds, knowing they'd be so much harder to rend from him the future.

After a few minutes, she gripped the base of him and took over the pace herself. Her hands stroked him, while she slid her lips wetly along the sides of his cock. That wasn't going to be the final push that got him off, however, so Lily moved on from that pretty quickly. Instead, she moved so that she rested flat on her stomach in between his spread legs. With both hands she began to jerk him off as quickly as she could.

"James," she called, urging him to finish. "I came for you. Now it's your turn."

His eyebrows drew together, and Lily knew she wouldn't have to wait long. She quickly ducked her head back down so that she could bring the head of him into her mouth and create a tight seal of suction. Hips bucking he came, and Lily worried someone passing in the hall would hear what they were up to with how loudly James shouted at the first burst of his orgasm.

They weren't interrupted, however, and they were both able to crash sated back into bed. With a great deal of irritation, Lily realized that she'd carelessly flung her wand aside when she'd undressed, and she had to slide out from beneath the covers to fetch it. Once she'd retrieved it, she dove back under the covers. Then, it was a simple matter of performing a spell to clean her mouth, their sweat-soaked bodies, the covers. Everything was left as pristine as if James had really just tucked Lily into bed for a good night's sleep and gone on his merry way.

He hadn't left though, and unlike with some boys who would have stayed due to the prospect of getting off, James had stayed because she asked. His willingness to change course out of a desire to see her happy struck something deep within her. Something hopeful and excited and hot. Something happy.

For a moment, Lily was consumed by panic. This kind of happiness wasn't normal for anyone but especially not for her. The old saying about the boot drop rose to the front of her mind. There was something she was missing, and everything was sure to fall apart once it was discovered. It had to because that was just how life worked.

She blinked.

And when she opened her eyes, James was still there and everything was as wonderful as it had been a moment before. All this time, even as she grew closer to James, she'd been viewing him as shackles every bit as much as a boy. But he was just James – goofy and strong, someone who could soothe or challenge her as the situation called for it, and someone who she thought also needed her, if she could think as much without sounding self-important.

"James – I…I really like you," Lily whispered.

"Well, after that performance, I would hope so," James winked.

She scooted closer so that their noses were just barely brushing. That close she couldn't make out his features clearly, but she relished the intimacy. "No, I really like you, James."

This time, he didn't answer with a joke. "I really like you, too."

"I know you've wanted to make things official for a while now, and you probably think I've just been stubborn, but really I've been scared. And I don't want to be afraid anymore. Not with you. Because I trust you, and I think I can be honest with you, and so if things were official, I would be happy with that," Lily said quietly.

Despite her hushed tone, James heard every word. He leaned in and pecked her on the nose.

"That's alright, Lily," he said.

"What do you mean?" Lily asked. "You do still want to…?

"You're drunk, sweetheart. If you still feel the same way, you can talk to me in the morning," James said.

"It's not because I'm drunk," Lily said petulantly though she couldn't argue with his thinking. Considering how adamant she'd been on this point to date, it made sense that he'd be skeptical.

"All the same," James said. "I mean, nothing's changed. I'm still the guy who made your best friend hate himself, so I understand if you think differently in the morning."

"I'm a liar," Lily blurted out.

"What?"

"I lie when I don't know what to say. It's kind of my thing. Not that I lie to you a lot. I think I lie to you a normal amount, maybe just a little above-average, but in general. It's just instinct, and when I said we couldn't date because of Sev, it was a lie," Lily confessed in a hurried rush.

"Okay…I mean, I already knew you lied a bit. Sometimes you make it kind of obvious, but I don't get why you'd lie about that," James said.

"Because I like to pretend I'm perfect, and saying the problem was Sev was easier than admitting to you that I was afraid of you," Lily said.

"I'm not that scary," James said lowly.

"I know. I just…I think I was kind of burned by Sev. He always wants everything. And then I look at the women around me. My sister, Shelia, and even my mum a little bit, they're so quick to throw everything they care about away just for the man in their life. They're just consumed by them, and I knew we wouldn't be any different. I'd want to make you as happy as possible, and if that meant giving up everything, I think I would. Will," Lily said.

"Lily," James stroked her cheek, just a soft brush up and down. "I would never want you to give up everything. Hell, I wouldn't want you to give up a single thing. Well, except other blokes; I could live without that. What would make me happy though is you having all your friends and your future and your interests. I just want to be a part of that."

Dangerously close to crying again, Lily closed her eyes so that she wouldn't have to see his sincerity. It was the look she'd always dreamed of seeing, and the moment was perfect. Not even a remote let down.

"I know that but…so much of our relationship has been you having to prove yourself to me, going back to when we were kids. I guess I was kind of worried that once you had me, well, you'd feel like it was your turn to make me work for it. Not that I'd blame you for that, but…" she left her thought unended.

"Yeah, but of course I had to earn your trust. I was a prat for so long. This isn't about getting even or anything like that, Lily. If you were disappointing or obnoxious or whatever you think you are, I would have walked away already. I like who you are, and I've seen a lot of it," James said.

"I was supposed to go to Prague this summer," Lily said, referencing the trip that Petunia had unceremoniously cancelled because she'd put her new boyfriend above the dreams of their childhood.

James levelled her with a wary look. "O-kay. I'm not going to stop you."

He was probably very surprised when Lily launched herself at his lips, but he definitely returned her joyful kiss.

When they finally broke apart, Lily said, "Tomorrow. You and me. We talk and make everything official."

"No backing out now," James teased.

"I wouldn't dream of it. Tomorrow," Lily repeated.

And tomorrow couldn't come fast enough.


A/N: And that kids, is what we call progress.

I get a kick out of this chapter, which was written almost entirely in a Pizza Hut of all places, so I hope everyone reading did too. Please review and let me know what you think. While this story's winding down, I still really appreciate feedback and the knowledge that someone out there cares a tenth as much as I do about this long, ridiculous story.

Hope everyone enjoys their weekend!