As I lay on my bed that night, staring at the TV screen and changed channels without really looking at the programs, all I could think about was Tasha. She was pregnant and it was Dimitri's baby. Deep inside I knew that I should feel betrayed and angry at both of them, but I didn't because, after all, it had been me who left them, which didn't give me any right to try to reclaim my old life now. Not that I had any intention on doing that, because I would be going back to Europe in just a couple of days and all these would have to be forgotten. I mean, there was no point in trying to hold on to painful memories, or a fantasy that would never come true.

Besides, Dimitri was better off with Tasha, because, like I'd said before, she could give him everything I wouldn't be able to, like a normal home, love and would keep him away from danger. Not to mention the fact that he seemed truly happy, to which I smiled to myself.

I really couldn't have chosen anyone else better for him when I left. I knew it sounded stupid and all. You're probably asking yourself: What kind of person chooses another woman for the love of her life? Well, the kind of person that wants the love of her life and her daughter to have what she can't give them. That's the kind of person who does that.

I traced the pink scar on my abdomen lazily as I kept on changing channels with my other hand, and sighed. Lissa had seen the blood on my clothes and healed the wound when I wasn't looking. I'd told her not to, that I'd be alright in no time but she was stubborn and did it anyways. She really was a friend and I almost regretted getting mad at her before, when she first refused to heal Dimitri back at the Academy right after the attack, almost. It was pathetic, wasn't it? Five years later, I was trying to deny myself the fact that I would do anything to get Dimitri back—if I could—and still held a grudge against Lissa for the stupid attack. I obviously needed to get a life.

But how the hell could I try not to think about Dimitri when he was so close? Uh? There was no way. I mean, even if he hated me because he didn't know the truth—which was exactly what I'd wanted in the first place but now didn't like—about why I left I still loved him, if that wasn't masochistic and wrong then I didn't know what was. And I couldn't help wondering how things would be different if I hadn't left, or if he knew the truth. Just thinking about telling him the truth made me feel silly, that was just out of question no matter what.

I hadn't even had the opportunity to say bye to my daughter because I knew that if I asked to see her before going Dimitri would have made a scene. The look he shot at me told me that and I left reluctantly.

Now I was all alone, watching stupid movies and trying to get some sleep. The light in the horizon told me that it was morning for humans, and I almost wished I was one, almost. Because if I were human, if Dimitri and I were human, then we'd be together like we wanted. No queen, no need to keep my relationship with my daughter a secret.

It was futile though, to think that such a thing would ever happen.

A week later

"When are you leaving?" Lissa asked the morning I decided to pop at her apartment without any notice first. She'd been already up and cooking breakfast for Christian and her daughters, who were still asleep. I was not surprised knowing that Fire boy was very lazy, it was just a little shocking to discover that his daughters had inherited such funny treat.

"Today" I answered truthfully.

It had been a week since I'd come back and things weren't looking good. I still didn't have an idea where Louie was and last night I'd gotten a call from Mikhail saying that he'd seen him once at one of the night clubs we'd frequented, but as soon as he saw him, he fled the scene. No matter how long I looked for him, I hadn't found him because he was no longer here. I'd been here in vain god knows why they'd led me here in the first place. Now I had to go back and stay away from here ASAP just to kill Louie and make sure he won't be a threat anymore.

"Rose, please, you don't have to go…" This wasn't the first time she'd tried to convince me to stay, arguing that maybe I could at least spend more time with Kat, and this wouldn't be the time I'd give in.

"Yes, Lissa, I do have to go." She sighed, as if defeated, but I knew better. She wouldn't give up, at least not yet. "There's no place for me here anymore. Nobody needs me here." It hurt to admit those words, more so because it was true.

"I need you" She murmured. "Doesn't that count? Rose, you and I have been almost like sisters since kindergarten, how can you say I don't need you?" she sounded hurt, and I was too. But she only thought she needed me.

"You don't really need me" I tried to smile a little and placed my hand over hers from across the table. "You have Christian and your daughters. You have a happy family and you were happy before I came back and brought bad memories"

"That's not true!" For a moment she sounded like the old Liss, the one that loved me like a sister and loved to go shopping with me. She reminded me of the Lissa that had dragged me to many Royal parties held at school by some of her popular friends. "I mean, I do have a family but… its not the same without you." She held on to my hands with force, as if she were afraid I'd disappear. "I always thought that the moment I settled down with someone and had a family, a family of my own, you'd be by my side as my guardian and sister. That was even before you met Guardian Belikov and Everything changed."

My smile disappeared. "Lissa, I could have never been both. I admit that before I met Dimitri and the Attack at the Academy I hadn't wanted anything so much as to have the privilege to be your guardian. But I've realized that if I'd been your guardian I wouldn't have been your sister. You don't have a sister to let her risk her life for you, to put herself between you and danger. Sisterhood is all about being equals, and loving and protecting each other. As a guardian I would have to protect you and not me"

I knew that I'd been harsh the moment her eyes became watery and her bottom lip quivered. I hadn't meant to be that rude with her, it's just that when she mentioned the fact that she'd wanted me in her life that way, as her guardian, I snapped. I couldn't stand the thought of that. I didn't want to risk my life for others anymore. I just wanted to be able to care for myself, my daughter and Dimitri, like a normal person would.

"I didn't mean it that way." Lissa said. "I just… crap, Rose why can't you understand that I want you here with me? I want my friend back" A tear rolled down her face.

"Things have changed Lissa. I can't be here and you know that. I'm sorry, but I won't risk Dimitri's life for yours anymore. If I don't go back and keep killing Strigoi, then they will come after him. If I stay here and decide that I want to see my daughter, Tatiana throws me and Dimitri in jail and Dimitri will hate me for doing that to our daughter." I raised my voice a little louder. "either way I end up losing. There's no way in hell I can live with the fact that my daughter might hate me just like I used to hate my mother for leaving me. I don't want Kat to live with that resentment."

Lissa's features didn't' soften. "He already hates you. He is the one living with resentment, not your daughter who's oblivious to everything."

Her words stung me and I flinched. She was right about that but I still wouldn't let her convince me of staying. I knew the risk and wasn't about to cave in, unlike her who, even though knew the truth, still didn't think about all the consequences.

"He's alright, he doesn't need me. How many times do I have to say it, Lissa? He's with Tasha and he loves her, there's nothing else that I can ask for but his happiness." I stood up from the couch and began pacing back and forth in front of her.

"Rose, its you who doesn't understand…" But I cut her off again.

"Please, drop it. I don't want to talk about it again." Something in my face must have told her that I wasn't kidding and she pressed her lips together.

I sat back beside her and faced her. "Lissa, I can't stay, no matter how much I wish I could." I sighed. "Believe me, I want nothing more than go back with Dimitri and be with my daughter, but that's impossible now."

"But Rose…"I interrupted her.

"I'll leave now and you won't complain about it." As I spoke I held her gaze and waited until she nodded. "You won't tell Dimitri anything about what I told you and most important, you won't tell anyone else."

Lissa stared at me and blinked. "Fine, I won't tell" She answered in a small voice and then she began crying.

Moments later I was walking back to my apartment, trying as hard as I could not to burst out crying like I wanted because I didn't want anyone to see me crumble down. It was enough to receive strange looks from the people I came across, people who looked so unconcerned and happy that it just made me want to cry harder.

When I finally arrived at my apartment, I'd taken a shot cut through the gardens, I went to my room and let the tears fall as I took my suitcase with the little clothes I had. I took my time to pack and when I was ready I went into the bathroom and washed my face so no one would notice my red eyes from all the crying. With nothing else to do but leave and feeling like I was tearing my own heart out once again by leaving. Now, after seeing Dimitri once again and my daughter it was ten times harder this time. But there was no way out I had to leave.

I rolled my suitcase all the way to my rented car and put it in. I kept on hoping that my knight in shining armor would show up, swept me into his arms and tell me that everything would be alright, but that wouldn't happen, though it didn't cost me anything to dream.

I closed the trunk and felt as if someone was watching me, so I looked around and spotted the eyes on me. My stomach lurched and I almost had an anxiety attack.

Dimitri was watching me from across the parking lot and his gaze was fixed on me, following my every move.

I don't know for how long we looked at each other but the spell was broken when he suddenly looked away. I followed his gaze and saw Kat running from the other way into her father's arms with a big smile on her face. I grinned and took three steps forward until I met Dimitri's warning gaze again and he told me with his eyes to stay away. It was obvious that he wouldn't want me there and I knew when to take a hint.

I stopped gazing at him the moment I saw Tasha appear and went into my car. I felt foolish when I even slammed the door shut behind me. It was like having cold water splashed onto my face seeing Tasha there with my family and it hurt too much. I would be better off if I left, it was better to stay away. I was better off. With that I left once again.

So this is the just a heads up here that there will be only one more chapter before this part is over. The third part has no name yet, and neither have i started it, well i did, I have a rough draft but there are lots of errors in there because i wrote it the moment I had in mind what would happen. so, yeah. I'll post the next chapter as soon as I get many reviews from you. Note that I didn't change R&D to D&T. Don't lose hope yet and stay tuned to read what happens in the last chapter in this part of the story...

On other news, I just watched online the show: 10 Things I Hate About You. That show used to be on ABC Family but they canceled it a couple of months ago because it didn't have enough audience. Well, I barely watched the 20 something episodes this weekend and they were so awesome! Patrick Verona is a hottie with a freaking deep voice that just melted me... *dreamy look* He reminded me of Adrian a lot, with his facade of bad boy and all. I seriously can't believe they canceled the show! And right when Kat and Patrick were finally together. This upset me greatly. Now, you might be wondering, what was she doing watching tv online when she was supposed to be writing another chapter for this story or any other of her stories? Well, i was watching the show and doing my homework which was due today. phew, I'm done with that. And guess what? i passed my reading and essay tests to take college classes, though I don't understand how the hell I didn't pass the writing one. How? Ugh... anyhow, so I will try to update ASAP.

Please review and tell me if you've seen the show I mentioned and if you liked it.