Author's Note: I will say now that these next few chapters are likely to be pretty depressing. I'm trying to make this story realistic, and it can be difficult balancing happy with a life threatening disease in the stage Booth's is in. I will say though without hopefully revealing too much, that this story isn't going to end the way I think everyone is predicting, and it's worth reading the whole way through. That being said, thanks for reading and enjoy!
"All I know is all we are" - Nirvana
"Bones, are you sure you don't want to stop?"
"No, Booth. I'm fine."
"Are you sure?"
Brennan grinded her teeth in frustration. She looked across the car at him. He was gazing back at her intently with a raised eyebrow. "Why do you keep asking me that?"
"Because out of five gas stations we've stopped at the last four because you've been sick. Obviously you got the stomach flu or something. We can stay another day."
"We need to get to New York." She set her foot down more firmly on the accelerator as if to prove her point. "We've used up too much time."
"I don't want you pushing it if you're sick." He fought back gently.
She could have told him the true reason for her sickness. Or at least, her suspected reason. The vomiting had been in procession with a long line of symptoms that had emerged over the past few days. Symptoms she had ignored and chalked up to stress. Now when she looked at it scientifically she could add up the facts and make a conclusion. But she didn't want to say anything to Booth until she took a pregnancy test. There was no need in getting him excited only to be let down. She wasn't sure he could take it. Hell, she wasn't sure she could take it, especially seeing what was sure to be his disappointed expression. Booth loved being a father. She knew not being able to see Parker for so many months had put a hole in his heart. Flatly, she retorted, "I'm fine."
He shrugged. Her word was law and he knew that. Especially when she was the one driving. Although if they stopped again it would be easy for him to slip into the driver's seat. But with the way he was feeling he was aware of what he was capable of. Driving was not one of those things. Particularly with the way his vision had been fading in and out.
They'd no more passed the state line before her stomach churned again. Without saying a word to him she pulled over to the side of the road. She flung the door open, jogging over to the grass just in time. What little breakfast she'd been able to eat since the last time she had vomited spilled onto the grass. She was coughing when she felt an arm wrap around her hips. A hand brushed her hair away from her face. If she was capable of it she would have smiled.
When she finished she felt dizzy. Booth supported her. "Easy, Bones. C'mere." He guided her back to the car and sat her down into her seat. Across her he reached into the car's cupholders and withdrew his drink. That morning before they'd left they'd gotten breakfast at a fast food restaurant, despite her objections concerning his health and bad food. Booth had finished all of his juice and left the ice behind. Now he poured the remaining cool water onto a napkin. Affectionately he wiped the sweat and heat from her face and neck. Instantly she began to feel better. She couldn't help but to smile as he took charge. These simple things were some of the ones she loved most about him. "Thank you."
"Feel better?" He held the paper to her forehead.
"Much." She swung her feet back into the car.
"I really think we should stop for the day."
Irritation again. "No. We have time to make up for."
He sighed, but nodded. He crossed the length of the car and got back in. In silence they eased off the shoulder and back into traffic.
Booth was quiet for the next few hours of the ride. Brennan looked to him from time to time. He was sound asleep with his head against the window. She'd come to figure that he liked the cool glass against his warm skin. That combined with the steady motion of the car lulled him into a sweet peace. She was grateful for any comfort he could find.
It was early in the afternoon when Booth's eyes suddenly opened. They were just in the outskirts of Chicago. He blinked with a odd, dazed look in his eyes. Brennan felt her shoulders tense. "Booth?"
He licked his lips. After a delay he finally responded to her. His eyes showed her a man not completely aware of his surroundings. He turned from her to look out the window. She noticed the muscles in his chest and stomach clench. His breathing sped up in urgency.
"Booth?"
"I want to stop." He murmured faintly. His eyes closed again as his head fell back onto the seat's head rest.
"I can pull over."
"No. I want to lay down." His desire was to stop all together.
She hated to stop but could tell she needed to. "I'll look for a hotel." She promised. Worriedly she kept a well trained eye on him. Booth was looking worse by the minute. At that moment she became angry as she second guessed herself. Had she done the right thing by dragging him across the county? Should she have found some way to fly them out there, even if it meant increasing Booth's pain? Should she have tried to arrange for Dr. Morris to fly out to them?
What was done was done. She couldn't change it. But she hated herself for not trying to come up with different options. The first decent hotel she saw she pulled into. She shut off the car just outside the doors leading into the main lobby. "Booth?" She asked him. He appeared damn near comatose. "Maybe we should just go to the hospital." Something was going on with him.
"No. Jus' wanna lay down." He was back to slurring.
Even though she had her objections she got them checked in. She maneuvered Booth from the parking lot into a room on the first floor. Inside she led him straight into the bedroom. He crawled into the bed and sprawled out. She removed his coat and shoes. Then she sat down next to him. "Booth?"
He didn't respond. His soft snoring indicated to her that he'd already drifted off. She ran her hand through his hair, pulling away when he unconsciously winced. That was new. Worry pushed bile through her stomach. She had to leave him behind as she got sick once again. When she was finished she sat down on the floor to collect herself. This was stupid. She needed to take a pregnancy test. The chances were she was pregnant. But if she had something else going on, such as the flu, then she risked infecting him.
She checked on Booth who slept on tiredly. Her mind was made up. She could run out without leaving him for too long. She needed answers, and she needed them now. Leaving him behind, she fetched her keys. She wouldn't be gone but a few minutes.
Booth was woken abruptly for no apparent reason from a deep sleep. He felt awful. He felt beyond awful, but he couldn't identify how. Or why. His eyes swept the room. Where was he? How had he gotten here? The last thing he remembered was Brennan vomiting by the side of the road. "Bones?" He called, sitting up.
No one answered. Carefully he pushed himself forward some across the mattress. In the next room he could see Brennan on the phone. She had her back to him. Her words were soft. Inaudible. Who was she talking to?
"She's cheating on you."
He glared in annoyance at the space next to him. Amanda had materialized. As time passed and she continued to decompose her appearance grew in its disgust. "I thought I got rid of you." He muttered. She hadn't appeared to him in days.
"You won't ever get rid of me." She watched Brennan. "Such a shame. Just married and already she'd had enough of you. It's no wonder. It's not like you're much of a man." Her eyes flicked over him. "Especially now."
"Bones wouldn't cheat on me." A onset of dizziness dropped him onto his back. "She's probably talking to my doctor, or something."
"You hope." She chuckled.
"There's no way." He argued. But the seed of doubt had been planted. Under normal circumstances he'd never believe such a thing. Hence his strong argument. But as the tumors continued to warp and eat at his mind, his thoughts and personality were changing. Everything in his life was distorted. It was something he'd become aware of and had continuously tried to rein back in. These days he felt like he was acting, instead of just being. He wondered how much time he had left in him.
"Oh yeah? You can't satisfy her any longer. She's got to be getting it somewhere."
He shut his eyes tightly. "Why can't you just leave?" He whispered. The dizziness increased in its severity. Amanda responded, but he couldn't hear her. When he opened his eyes he saw nothing but darkness. His fingers twitched. He began gasping. Unfortunately he knew exactly what was coming on. He'd prepared for it. But there was nothing he could do to stop it.
Brennan walked in just as his body erupted into a grand mal seizure. She rushed to his aid. Cautiously she put her hands on him just securely enough to keep him from shaking off of the bed. Lifetimes seemed to pass before the episode came to a stop. Booth went limp. His ragged breathing soon eased as the symptoms let up. However, he remained unconscious. She watched him closely, wondering if they were due for another cluster episode.
She stayed close by, only straying from him long enough to get her phone. "He just had a seizure," she told Dr. Morris the moment his receptionist patched her though to him.
"Where are you?"
"Chicago."
Dr. Morris didn't hide his tone of defeat. "Just keep coming."
"It'll be at least another two days-"
"I know. I know it's asking a lot of him." He didn't, but he could tell by her weary voice that it was. "But it's all I can tell you to do."
Numbly Brennan thanked him and hung up. She looked back to her sleeping husband. It occurred to her then that Booth had known this was to happen. That was exactly why he'd made them stop. "We have to keep going," she whispered out loud to him. "I don't know what else to do for you."
