angsty meme prompt from anon - "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

This is loose continuation of Chapter 24 (Come Home With Me) and another tag to 5x19 - Spoils of War.


Deeks lies on Kensi's lumpy couch, wedged between her back and the cushions as his fingers trace soothing patterns up and down her arm. She's been asleep for almost two hours, but he can barely bring himself to blink, let alone close his eyes long enough to fall asleep. He's spent enough time without her lately, he can sleep another day.

After four months and one week, their reunion was hardly what he had imagined or hoped it would be. Seeing her alive had allowed him to breathe properly for the first time since Hetty had told him that she was reassigned, but absent were the things that he had dreamed of – the smiles, joyous laughs, and touches that held a promise of more intimate things to come. Instead, the image of the frail, broken shell of his kickass partner was burned in his memory and is still tearing his heart to shreds.

There were no smiles, only absent stares and avoidance of eye contact. Instead of laughter, there were barely withheld tears before the onslaught of quiet sobs shook her body as he held her close. And the touches they shared were tight hugs of comfort, support, and emotional need, a shoulder to lean on during the long flight home, and fingers laced together to ground them both.

Deeks knows this won't last, the lost, defeated, needy Kensi. He's almost surprised it's gone on this long and he's trying to mentally prepare himself for her to step back, put on a brave face, and act like she didn't just spend four months isolated overseas and wasn't held hostage by the Taliban. Not that he would blame her – there are things about his brief time there that he plans on burying as deep as he can in the crevices of his mind. He thinks they'll probably never talk about any of it again.

Kensi shifts slightly in her sleep, settling further back against his chest and when her head turns to rest just a breath away from his face, he can't stop himself from letting his lips lightly brush against her cheek. His doesn't have a lot of experience, but God, he loves kissing her. He feels selfish for wondering where they stand in the wake of all of this, but he silently vows not to push her for answers – it's more than enough for him right now to have her home. Despite their history of horrible communication skills, he trusts that she will bring it up when she's ready.

She begins to stir again, only now her movements are jerky and when she starts to whimper and lets out a pained groan, Deeks knows a nightmare is disrupting what had been a peaceful slumber. Unsure if he should try to wake her, he wraps his arm around her middle and pulls her even closer.

"Shhhh…I've got you, Kens," he murmurs. "You're safe now. I've got you."

He holds her until her body stills and her breath evens out. It's not until he feels her hand seeking out his as it rests on her stomach, that he realizes she's awake.

"Go back to sleep," he whispers. Entangling their fingers, he gives her hand a squeeze, "I'm right here."

"You're staying?"

He scoffs internally. Like he would rather be anywhere else.

He nods, "I'm not going anywhere."