Chapter 47

"Did you know?" Mori told Squalo and Fran. "Mukuro gave me a T-shirt with a pink bunny on it. It was kind of weird, but it had a rainbow lollipop and really big teeth. I don't get it. I thought rabbits eat carrots! Do rabbits eat lollipops?"

Squalo responded by shooting her a nasty glare, but Fran actually said something useful. "I think you're wrong." He said wisely (well, that's what he fancied himself to be sounding like). "It can't have been a bunny. Pink bunnies don't exist."

Silence. Squalo was unusually quiet, though he did smack himself in the face and wonder how the hell a retard like this came to be in the Varia. "That's amazing, Fran san!" Mori yelled. "You're a genius! Of course it wasn't a bunny! That explains why it was eating a lollipop instead of a carrot. So, is a pink bunny like a unicorn? It's a mythical creature."

"I guess so." Fran said thoughtfully. "I suppose you can turn a bunny into a pink bunny by dying it. But technically, it's still a bunny. You said unicorn, right? So it's kinda like gluing a horn on a horse and calling it a unicorn."

The two of them looks like they're enjoying themselves. Squalo thought glumly, wishing he had better company. Even Xanxus and his abuse was better than this.

They stepped into the place where Xanxus was and a glass of beer was promptly thrown into his face.

Then again, maybe not. "VOI!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?!!!"

"I'm pissed." Xanxus replied simply, reclining in his chair.

"I didn't do anything!"

"I'm not pissed at you. I pissed at the twit." He jerked a thumb at Mori, who was talking to Neo about something. Where the hell did he come from?! Anyhow, Mori pointed at the bathroom in Xanxus' room and dragged him there.

"Then why did you throw the beer at ME?"

Xanxus thought about it and admitted that he did have a good point. "It's a force of habit." He said proudly. Not that...there is anything to be...proud of...uh

If Squalo wasn't so much of a man (hair aside), he would've started crying. He probably does, when he thinks nobody's looking. Of course, thinks isn't really enough when you have stalkerish...blackmaily, relatively gay roommates who possesses many video cameras (I think Neo's got a thing for him. Or Lussaria, for that matter).

"Let me try again." Xanxus insisted and Squalo produced another full glass of beer from nowhere...and promptly ducked as it was hurled at him again. "It was a habit!" Xanxus snapped before Squalo could start screeching again in that insanely loud noise of his. "Habits are hard to break." His boss complained. "...piece of trash." He added, just to make himself look good.

Then there was a large hysterical scream and Mori walked out of the bathroom, completely unharmed, dusting her hands off, and looking relatively self satisfied.

Fran peeked into the bathroom. "I think Neo senpai's been scarred for life." He announced. "He won't let go of the toilet. I think he wants to marry it."

"You're paying for the therapy bills." Xanxus told her.

Mori decided she won't be able to get out of this one and agreed. Also, upon being asked about the manner of the subject she had so effectively used to destroy Neo's mentality (she should've used it during the ring contest)..."Squalo should know." She said brightly. "Remember, that one time I ate a bunch of aspirin and you forced me to swallow it down it beer..."

"Holy fuck! You told him that?!!!"

"Uh, well...kinda elaborated. But sure." Her smile suddenly oddly resembled Bel's. Nice and wide and definitely sadistically sweet. "I'm listing it under my list of achievements to be proud of in my life." She took out a really, really, really long list. "This is gonna be #154745674845684564742058, right under feeding Mukuro to an owl. Oh, and above swallowing one of Gokudera's dynamite and blowing up my internal organs."

Fran peered at the list. "What's number 1?"

"Oh, that was making Kyouya like me. Oh, that reminds me." She brought out a wad of photos. "You wanna see me photo collection of Kyouya?! I have everything from him sleeping to having the shit beaten out of him by Mukuro to being shot by the sakura diseased mosquito to working at his desk to beating up late people at school to breaking Gola Mosca's arm into pieces to having his leg shot by Gola Mosca to Xanxus nearly killing him but failing miserably either way." She said cheerfully. "I might have had a picture of him in the shower at one point, but he broke the camera I installed in his bathroom (along with my ribs and limbs) before I could retrieve it.

"I knew it." A happy voice said and Bel suddenly popped up, hair looking like he rolled out of bed but looking the same as ever. "Pay up, Fran."

Fran glared sullenly before handing over some money. "Phooey." He grumbled. "Why do you always have to show up at the wrong times?"

"Because I'm a prince." Bel said proudly, tiara gleaming despite the noticeable lack of sunlight. He turned to Mori. "Wow, I forgot how shitty you looked as a brat. You know, you were kinda hot when you were older."

Mori tugged Squalo's sleeve. "Bel's sexually harassing the older me." She told him.

"Like I didn't notice. But that really isn't your problem." Squalo pointed out.

"But of course, nobody's prettier than the prince." Bel sang. "Cause I'm a prince!"

"That was redundant, Bel senpai."

Bel kicked Fran. "Shut the fuck up. The prince's words are never redundant! Be honored to hear them, commoner #2!"

Mori blinked. "Am I commoner too?"

"Yep. You're commoner #9999999999999999999999999999999.5"

"What's with the .5? I'm not half a person."

Bel shrugged. "You used to be commoner #1000000000000000000000000000000000. But you just shrunk in half, so..."

Just then, the brutal reality of life just hit her. Back in Japan, at least half the guardians were still her age...and some were still female. Now...she was in a place full of fully grown males...which meant...

"We're not going to rape you." Squalo pointed out.

"Who'd want to anyways, shishishi!"

Mori nearly cried. "You don't understand!!!!!" She wailed. "I honestly don't care about the rape threats cause I get that all the time back when Mukuro was still around. But...but..but!!!!"

"But what?" Xanxus snapped. "Just spit it ou-"

"FRAN'S THE SHORTEST ONE AND I BARELY REACH HIS ELBOW!!!!" She cried. "I'M NOT EVEN HALF SQUALO'S HEIGHT AND I CAN'T EVEN REACH XANXUS'S SHOULDER EVEN IF I STRETCH MY ARMS OUT!!!!!!!!!!! WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! YOU GUYS ALL SUCK! I FEEL LIKE I'M IN A PLACE FULL OF SKYSCRAPERS!!! Oh, I know! Where's Marmon?! He's short, right?"

"Dead." Bel chirped.

And thus, Mori launched into the world of utmost shortness. "I know what I must do!" Now, now...careful with that chainsaw. "I MUST CUT THREE FEET OFF OF EVERYONE!"

"Was chainsaw on the list of not to touches?" Bel asked.

"Yeah."

The other occupants glanced at each other, then at the chainsaw wielding maniac in front of them. "GET THE CHAINS! I'LL HOLD HER DOWN!"

"CALL LUSSARIA FOR THE TRANQUILIZER! GET HER LEGS!"

"GRAB THE CHAINSAW, YOU IDIOTS!"

"OW! SHE FUCKING BIT ME! WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE? A VAMPIRE?! I'LL THROTTLE HER!"

"You're one to talk, Sharky. You've got pretty sharp teeth yourself."

"SHUT UP! HEY! MY HAIR!"

"Oh hello, Mori chan. What's this? Making trouble alread-"

"DON'T JUST STAND THERE, LUSSARIA! THE TRANQUILIZER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"ACK! BEL SENPAI! NOT HIS LEGS!!!"

Meanwhile, Xanxus leaned back in his chair and watched complacently as the majority of the Vongola's prided assassination squad attempted and nearly failed to restrain a pint sized brat. Hell, he should record this and put in youtube. Life is pretty sweet once in a while.

A chainsaw came and whizzed by his ear, nearly slicing it off.

Once in a while...that is.

Xanxus twitched.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

"Um, can I be untied yet?" Mori asked, being tied to a pillar and all with chains and ropes and an IV needle stuck on her arm (laughing gas, I think) to keep her calm and also surrounded with this freakish lasers that can disintegrate her at the slightest amount of physical contact.

"No." Xanxus said shortly. "Actually though...I was going to show you my box weapon."

"Lion!" Mori said brightly.

"Yes, it's a lio-" He paused. "How the fuck did you know that?"

She thought for a moment. "Well, a lion's the king of beasts. Right? And I always thought that Xanxus was the sort of guy who would have a scary animal. At first, I thought you'd have a squirrel, but...after thinking for a bit..."

"You're afraid of squirrels?" Xanxus said in disbelief.

Mori didn't say anything for a moment. "Well, they tried eating me once." She said.

This was gonna be a harder thing to teach than he thought. "...anyways." He pulled out his box and ring thingy.

"Oo! It's a sky too!"

Big flash of light. Big roar. Big...LIGER?!

"Bester." Xanxus said simply. The liger looked at him. "dinner time."

"But it's only 3 o'clock." Mori protested.

Xanxus rolled his eyes. "Fine." He snapped exasperatedly. "Lunch time. Happy?"

Mori shrugged. "I don't really care but...wait...oh...shiiiiitttt."

Meanwhile, Levi and Bel were passing by when they heard something that sounded like Mori getting eaten by their boss' box weapon. "I never knew box weapons eat." Levi commented.

"Shishishi, I should tape this."

Anyhow... "Well, my box weapon is still better!" Mori protested, dutifully ignoring her missing arm, which was being chewed up by Besty or whatever the hell that cat's name is. She held up her box...thingy, with the wind symbol on it. "Wanna see?"

"No." Xanxus answered bluntly. "But if I'm supposed to teach you anything, I have to. So..." Mori didn't do anything. "GET TO IT!"

"X...xanxus is scary. And how am I supposed to hold up my ring with one arm?!"

"Grow it back!"

"I can't just..." Mori paused. "Oh wait a moment...I can, can't I? Hah! This is another reason being a figment of my own imagination is convenient! Not like Squalo too. Cause he has a fake hand. Why did he do that anyways? Did he have any painkillers? Of course, I won't get any scars either. Unlike you, Xanxus!" She stuck her tongue out at the man, who was looking like he was going to combust or something like that. Xanxus was very sensitive about his scars! Well, maybe not...but...

Okay, Xanxus didn't combust. But his liger did. It let out a really, really loud roar. And...the room was effectively demolished. "Just open your fucking box." He snapped, sounding like he was going to lose it at any moment.

Mori gulped, shaking large chunks of wall off of her head. "Okay." ...And it was really pathetic. I mean, a really scary liger with a scary face and scary roar and stuffs...against...well....a...gerbil. A gerbil hamster, to be exact, but...uh....you know, there's really not much of a comparison.

GH looked up at Bester and gave a tiny, menacing squeak. Bester, in turn, trampled the poor thing under its claws (Mori: Meep! My gerbil hamster!). Xanxus really wanted to kill her right now. Her and her stupid cloud guardian boyfriend. What the hell was that guy thinking, sending a preschooler (Mori: I'm in MIDDLE SCHOOL!) with a mouse (Mori: He's a gerbil hamster!) box weapon for him to train (Mori: Hey! Are you listening to me?!). That little ass, Hibari Kyouya. He was gonna kill the brat (Mori: Kyouya's already 25 years old!! AND LISTEN TO ME!!!).

Xanxus was thus snapped out of his thoughts when a shoe was chucked at him and nearly hit him in the face. Would have too if he hadn't dodged. He glared at Mori, who was missing a shoe. "It's a habit." She said proudly. "Habits are hard to change, right?"

Xanxus walked over and stomped on her in a fashion quite similar to Bester squashing GH.

"Ouch."

Back in Japan, Kyouya felt like it was bad decision sending Mori to the Varia. "I should've used her for a foot rest." He thought.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Is very random. I was right to wait to update! Now I know what Xanxus' box weapon is! Liger? Didn't expect that. Just imagine, liger vs. gerbil hamster! The epic failure of it...And thank you for those who reviewed and answered my question about Squalo's name (still don't have a sure answer to that though...I mean, they pronounce Chrome's name in Chrome Dokuro, right?! It's hard since he's the only one in the Varia with a last name!!!! [yes, belgian chocolates!]).