Olivia sat back into the booth of the restaurant reading over her menu. She couldn't miss that Jessie was being quiet and seemed very withdrawn. Once they had both placed an order and their respective drinks had arrived Olivia decided now was her best chance at talking to the girl.
"You could have had something alcoholic you know, the one never hurt after a tough day." Olivia said softly as she raised her own diet soda to her lips.
"Oh I don't drink actually." Jessie said after swallowing the small sip of water she had requested mainly to keep herself able to talk.
"You don't drink at all?" Olivia asked quite surprised that such a young woman didn't experiment with alcohol.
"Nope, never really saw the appeal for it... Uh... my mother was an alcoholic and I just guess it kinda put me off drinking the stuff." Jessie shrugged looking down into her glass rather than at Olivia who was very surprised at the information she had just learned and not for the reasons Jessie thought.
"Sensible decision, me I'd have had one if I wasn't pregnant but that's a completely different reason." Olivia chuckled trying to show Jessie that it was ok what her mother was without disclosing her own childhood trauma.
"How do you do this Olivia?" Jessie asked deciding not to tip toe around what was really on her mind. "How do you do this every day?"
Olivia sighed and took Jessie's resting hand from the table into her own. She unconsciously began to roll her thumb around Jessie's palm in the same way she had done to Tabitha one of the victims that she had encountered earlier in the day.
"Jessie, it's tough. I'm not going to pussy foot around it and make it out to be something it's not. Live victims are the worst because you have to listen to their pain and see it too. They have to live with what was done with them and believe me when I say most of them at some point will wish they hadn't survived. But what we have to keep reminding them is that they did, they did survive and that matters." Olivia explained trying desperately to lift Jessie's spirits. "The kids, the women and men need us to bring their abusers to justice and that's what we have to do. We listen when we can, we hunt and we hand them over to the prosecutors with as much evidence as is humanly possible to get to make sure the scum doesn't walk the streets again." Olivia explained.
"I know... I just ..." Jessie sighed her shoulders sagging even more. "I don't think I can do it Olivia." She whispered her gaze still fixed on her glass instead of at the detective.
"I think you can." Olivia said causing Jessie's eyes to flutter and meet hers.
"Y-You Do?" Jessie stammered in shock.
"I do. You remind me so much, too much, of myself when I was starting out." Olivia explained.
"Uh-Ok." Jessie said unsure what to make of that statement but from the way Olivia was shifting uncomfortably in her seat she guessed that she was about to elaborate.
"You see, what you told me in the car this morning. With you being a product of a rape, well ..." Olivia sipped at her drink feeling her throat constricting and becoming increasingly dry as she was about to share one of her most hidden secrets. "...I was also ... a product of a rape." Olivia said her eyes fluttering away now avoiding Jessie's gobsmacked expression.
Jessie quickly closed her mouth and tried not to act so shell shocked knowing how much it pained Olivia to share that information with her.
"Oh I'm sorry Olivia, you didn't have to tell me you know." Jessie whispered giving the detective's hand a light squeeze.
"I know but I wanted to and there's more... my mom was also an alcoholic like yours I guess." Olivia shrugged not wanting to make a big deal out of it.
"Oh so you probably know better than anyone what I'm kinda going through." Jessie said beginning to understand why Olivia had been so close to her today and been a motherly figure.
"Yup." Olivia smiled as her cell phone began to ring just as their food was served. "Sorry I'm going to answer this. It's my kids." Olivia said before answering the phone.
"Hello?" She said softly unsure which one of the Stabler's would be on the other line.
"Hi Mom." Lizzie's voice echoed down the line.
"Hi Lizzie how was school?" Olivia said sounding excited to hear her daughter's voice on the line.
"It was good Mom, I wanted to call you to ask you about my Ballet exam. Miss Percy said we had to have exam uniforms but Daddy hasn't got a clue."
"Ok Lizzie Mommy will be home tomorrow I'll sort it then ok?" Olivia asked.
"Ok Mom, Calvin wants to talk to you he got into a fight in school today." Lizzie said.
"Don't tell tales Lizzie now put Calvin on." Olivia said flashing a quick smile to Jessie who was already picking away at her pizza.
"Mom I didn't get into a fight!" Calvin said before his mother had the chance to say anything.
"Calvin, a hello would be nice!" Olivia chuckled.
"Sorry Hi mom, yeah Lizzie's lying I didn't get into a fight." Calvin said again.
"Why would Lizzie lie about something like that?" Olivia asked not sure who to believe.
"Because Charlie Green punched me and I've got a black eye but I didn't hit him back Mom I was the bigger person." Calvin explained.
Olivia couldn't hide the smile on her face. She felt so proud of her son.
"Wow Calvin I'm so proud of you!" Olivia beamed excitedly.
"Thanks Mom, I got a chocolate bar from Mrs Holloway for being very mature whilst she put an ice pack on my eye." Calvin said.
"You were mature Calvin. I can't wait to give you a hug now."
"Mom! Daddy wants to speak with you." He said.
"Ok Cal put daddy on." Olivia said softly.
"Hi Liv." Elliot said.
"Hi El where are the rest of the troops?" Olivia asked feeling a bit disappointed having only spoken with two of her five soldiers.
"Maureen was invited to Mark's house for supper, Kathleen is revising for some exam and doesn't want to be disturbed and Dickie's asleep he's not feeling too well." Elliot explained.
"He's sick? El why didn't you call me sooner I'd be home by now." Olivia replied.
"No need he's just got a bit of a cold trying to break that's all by tomorrow morning he'll have the sniffles and that's all." Elliot explained knowing Olivia would be angry with him.
"Ok let him rest. So Mo is out with Mark? How sweet!" Olivia smiled knowing that her daughter had been crushing on the boy from down the road for a while.
"It's not sweet Olivia. They're sixteen!" Elliot was quite protective of his little girls.
"It is sweet they're sixteen and having dinner together that's just adorable. Are Mark's parents bringing her home?" Olivia asked.
"Of course otherwise I wouldn't have let her go." Elliot explained.
"Ok wish Katie all the luck on her exam for me too I wish I was there to tell her myself." Olivia said.
"I will now I love you and I'll see you tomorrow."
"Love you too El, see you tomorrow." Olivia replied before hanging up the phone.
Olivia slipped her cell back into her pocket and picked up her fork before turning to Jessie.
"Sorry about that, kids not quite used to me being away." Olivia explained.
"I bet you're missing them." Jessie said.
"Yes but I am looking forward to hearing the alarm wake me tomorrow and not Lizzie jumping on my bed!" Olivia laughed.
"How many have you got?" Jessie asked and Olivia was relieved that she had a mouthful of past as she needed to think how to answer Jessie.
"Five and two on the way." Olivia smiled deciding against telling Jessie that they hadn't been born to her. "Maureen's the eldest, she's sixteen then there's Katie or Kathleen she's fourteen, then there's the twins Lizzie and Dickie they're ten and Calvin is currently the baby of the family he's nine." Olivia explained.
"Aww such a nice big family." Jessie smiled.
Olivia saw a flash of sadness behind Jessie's eyes and she knew what it was too.
"Do you have any siblings?" Olivia asked tactfully.
"No, no there was only ever me and Mom." Jessie said softly.
Olivia had sensed that, she understood that Jessie had a childhood similar to her own and that it hadn't been easy.
"Where's your Mom now?" Olivia asked gently knowing that it was going to be a sensitive issue.
"Dead, she finally had enough and threw herself off a roof." Jessie sighed.
"Oh, I'm sorry." Olivia said softly.
"Doesn't bother me. I never ever felt anything towards the woman." Jessie said.
"Now I know that's a lie. She was still your mother and for all her flaws when she died you were hurt." Olivia said mainly telling Jessie what she had felt when her mother had died.
Jessie looked up at Olivia, her hazel eyes glistened with tears that she desperately blinked back.
"My mom died too, she fell down some stairs drunk." Olivia explained. "Even though I didn't get on with her and never felt her love me I was still saddened by her death as I lost one of the very few people who mattered in my life." Olivia explained.
Jessie just nodded as she once again found herself in the position where she couldn't trust her voice.
"How about I pay this bill and we go back to the apartment and relax with a movie?" Olivia asked sensing that the rest of the conversation would be better off in privacy.
Once again Jessie just nodded.
Xxx
Back at the apartment the women changed into their pyjamas and met back in the living room. The car ride back to the apartment had been in silence and Olivia desperately wanted to get Jessie to open up and trust her. Rather than putting on a movie Olivia switched on the CD player turning the volume down so it became a low hum in the background. They sat on the couch Jessie making herself as small as possible in the corner, wrapping her arms around her knees as a protective barrier.
"Here." Olivia said pulling out the picture she had carried from her room.
Jessie reached over and took it. The family portrait that she was looking at deepened her sadness. The picture contained thirteen people who all looked so happy.
"Is this your family?" Jessie asked.
"Yes, that's Maureen, Katie, Lizzie, Dickie and Calvin then that's my husband Elliot and me of course then here we have Captain Donald Cragen, he's the closest thing to a father I have ever had he even gave me away at my wedding and as a gift he gave me his old SVU shield as my something old then here you have Detective Fin Tutuola and Detective John Munch they're partners in Manhattan SVU and they're two men I'm proud to call brothers then here we have ADA Alex Cabot and ADA Casey Novak who are my best friends and they're also like my sisters and here we have Melinda Warner who is also one of my best friends and again like a sister to me." Olivia said softly.
"You all look so happy." Jessie whispered as she studied the photo.
"We are happy, the reason I'm showing this to you Jessie isn't to make you sad, it's to show you what you can have. My mother used to tell me that no man would ever want me but look at my husband, he's loving and caring and so beautiful and he makes me feel like a princess every day." Olivia explained. "Then the rest of the squad, they're my family. Just because I never had a family growing up it never meant that I would never have one because I did, once I began to let people into my life and let them see the real me. You can have that to you know, get to know Rowland, Thompson and Jefferson and open yourself up to them a little and I don't mean tell them everything about you, I mean let them get to know you and your personality."
Jessie passed the photo back as tears stung her eyes once more. Olivia gently placed the photograph down on the table and pulled Jessie into a fierce hug. The women held each other for a few minutes taking in each other.
"Thank you Olivia." Jessie said softly.
"You're welcome now come on cuddle up here with me and tell me all about you." Olivia said and she sat back into the sofa and pulled Jessie so she was nestled into her shoulder leaning on Olivia who'd wrapped her arm protectively around her.
"What do you wanna know?" Jessie asked taking in the comfort that Olivia was giving her.
"Whatever you want to tell me and if you don't want to talk we can just sit here." Olivia said knowing that this moment meant a lot to Jessie.
"Sitting here would be great." Jessie said not wanting to ruin the moment she was sharing.
Olivia smiled content with what Jessie had decided. Her free hand began to play with the fiery locks of hair that seeped across her chest. Slowly they both drifted off into a comfortable sleep.
Www Motherly love from Benson but can Jessie cut it out as SVU?
