The days were beginning to blur together. Most days was spent studying with Ymir in the library because of our special class with Mr. Ackerman. Though, it was mostly Ymir goofing off and making me laugh. Other days, I spent time with Reiner and Bertolt and anyone who came along. We'd all go out to the movies or late night diners, laughing, and enjoying everyone, but I often had to pretend I liked Reiner's arm around me.
Some days were harder than most.
My phone vibrated with a new text message from Reiner. He was talking about his family and how his father would be gone during Thanksgiving and his mother was going back home to her parents. He didn't want to spend his break with his grandparents.
'Hey, Historia, I just got done messaging Bertolt—I will be staying with him and his family for Thanksgiving! I asked Armin if it was okay if we came over on the holiday to celebrate. I want to meet your father. Is that okay?'
I really, really, really didn't want to make it that official. Plus, if I had to tell Ymir about what Reiner was doing she'd flip. It was hard enough having to bring up what we did and to assure her I wasn't letting him touch me. I know it sounds horrible, but at some point I began to notice myself drifting from Reiner. He wasn't a person to me anymore—he was some reoccurring object that kept begging for some sort of reaction.
I had searched it up on the internet and got a lot of lousy relationship advice, but it did pull up an interesting article of disassociating. Maybe that's what it was—I was disassociating with him so I'd stop feeling bad about what I was doing. Every day, I kept telling myself I'd settle things for Ymir's sake, but I always chickened out.
I rubbed my eyes.
What was I going to tell Reiner?
If I accepted, I might as well have dug my grave with Ymir. She was getting worse and worse. Ever since Armin's birthday when Reiner surprised me by picking me up and kissing my forehead, she has kept a distance.
No matter what, whatever I did would hurt people and I was stuck forever contemplating my choices.
'Hello?'
I sighed.
'I don't know… I never told dad about us…'
Maybe that'd stop him.
Not.
'That's okay! I will wear my best to impress! I'm looking forward to it!'
"UGH!"
-x-x-x-
"You're back!" Sasha cried as she jumped off the hood of her father's snow plow. "Thought you wouldn't make it for Thanksgiving! It's crazy with all this snow already!"
"Yeah, the pass was pretty terrible." Ymir smiled, jingling her keys as she tossed them up and down, catching them with ease.
"Ay!" Connie popped his head out from a snow fort, racing over. "You did make it!"
"Where's Ilse?" Ymir glanced up at her grandma's house. "Is she still inside?"
"Yeah," Sasha exhaled, staring at the dark window that used to be Ymir and Ilse's room. Now it was only her sister's. "Ever since she broke her ankle in basketball, she's been on the computer all the time."
"Ah, well," Ymir shrugged, "there's a lot of cool new games out. Must be Mass Effect 2."
"Eh, maybe," Connie scratched his bald head. "Either way, grandma is cooking! Do you want to have a snowball fight first?"
Ymir saw that he was hiding some snowballs behind his back. No was not an option.
"Hm… maybe," Ymir leaned down, almost partially squatting to Connie's height. "Think you can take it, short stuff?"
"WAIT!" Sasha screamed, startling the two as she bounced over to Ymir. "WHAT IS THAT ON YOUR CHEEK?! OH MY GOD!"
"What?" Ymir frowned, almost smearing it off with her palm if it wasn't for Sasha's fast hands.
"OH MY GOD! IT'S A LIPSTICK PRINT! PERFECTLY PRESERVED!"
"For two whole hours!?" Connie gaped, trying to get a good look.
"What!?" Now Ymir was flushed red as she tried to hide it, remembering that Krista was trying new lipstick earlier.
Fuck.
"Fuck. No wonder the cashier at the gas station laughed at me." Ymir huffed as Sasha and Connie were already scheming and snickering.
"So, who is she? Hm? Why isn't she back here with you?" Sasha asked, pestering Ymir as the taller girl quickly began her trek to the house, ready to hide in the kitchen with Grandma.
"Yeah! Who!?" Connie threw his snowballs at Ymir's car and dashed after them. "Tell us! Aren't we your best friends or did you replace us with some rich kids!?"
Yet, how could Ymir tell them that Historia wasn't even going out with her, but some meat-brain jock?
-x-x-x-
'Hey Ymir'
'Hey there. Was just thinking about you'
'me too'
She didn't respond. I waited and waited until I drew my knees to my chest, hiding my eyes as my fingers typed.
'I miss you lots'
The response was nearly immediate.
'me too'
I laughed, burying my face in my knees.
'I saw what you did there'
'me too ; )'
'Have a good Thanksgiving dork! Say hi to Ilse for me!'
'Happy Thanksgiving! Remember what us natives did for you!'
I chuckled, closing my phone. It wouldn't be long before Reiner and Bertolt arrived.
I stared out the window, watching the snow fall.
Again, I chickened out. I should've told Ymir today was the day I'd tell Reiner off, but I was scared. What would happen to me afterwards?
Many things could go wrong. It was easier to just… endure this for now…
-x-x-x-
"—and I caught the ball! Somehow, Bertolt pulled off the perfect spiral all the way down to the field goal!" Reiner was bullshitting dad's ear off. Armin was laughing and being a good host by asking questions and spurring Reiner on and on while I was left to pick at my food.
All I kept thinking about was if I'd ever get free to call Ymir and wish her a goodnight. But she was home and they had sketchy service.
"My! What a game it must've been!" Rod was merry with wine and contentment that his daughter brought quite the catch. "Reiner, you are quite the young man! Remind me of myself when I was younger! And, Historia! You little cherub, where have you been hiding him from me?"
I laughed and then shoved my face full of peas.
Please end soon.
The evening went on and on and on and I had no break. I couldn't even dash to the bathroom because Reiner and Armin kept pulling me into selfies, celebrating my first Thanksgiving with the family. Maybe if it was just me, Armin, and dad, I wouldn't have had a problem.
It was until nine that Bertolt suggested they should leave. I could see it in his eyes that he wasn't feeling well. I couldn't blame him. I was equally exhausted having to pretend liking Reiner's turkey-greasy fingers on my arms or hands.
"Go see them off, Armin and Historia," father nodded, grinning as Reiner came forward and gave him a strong handshake.
"Good meeting you, sir," Reiner nodded and I swore that he should've just dated my father with how pleased he was.
"You, too, Reiner! I hope to see you at Christmas!"
Fat chance.
Hopefully.
"Thanks for coming," I smiled at Reiner as I led him to the main foyer with Bertolt.
"Of course! I love your house and family, Historia! I'd really like coming around more often!" Reiner was so hopeful.
"Maybe," I was quick to try and leave but he took me by the wrist.
"How about a kiss goodbye?" His eyes were practically begging.
"You're funny!" Armin finally intervened. He had this whole fucking afternoon to do it but he waited till now? Better late than never I fucking guess! "But I don't see no mistletoe for at least another month!"
Reiner glared for a moment but nodded.
"I suppose that's true. Historia is pretty shy around other people."
"W-We b-better go, Rei-Reiner." Bertolt tugged at his friend's sleeve. "D-Dad will be waiting."
"Right! Let's go. I'll see you later Historia!"
"Bye!" Armin yelled loud enough for the two of us. We waved away until their ride left our driveway.
"Why didn't you sit between us?" I hissed at Armin as the servants came and closed the doors and began to clean up after the feast and roll up the good carpet we only brought out for guests.
"Because," Armin rolled his eyes, "you need to break up with him. I'm not going to make it easier cheating on him. He's still an okay guy, Historia."
"I'm not cheating if I'm not really with him!" It hurt to hear it. I could see his judging eyes read into all my decisions.
"You are. Who you aren't really with is Ymir. Don't you think about her at all?"
"Of course I do!" I nearly wanted to punch him.
"No… you don't, Historia." He took my shoulders into his hands, staring me down. "If you did, you would've ended things with Reiner long ago."
I shoved him away and left.
He wouldn't understand what I was going through…
-x-x-x-
"Thanksgiving leftovers are the bomb!" Sasha sang, stoned out of her mind as she loaded up her plate. It was about three in the morning and Ymir was floating in between complete serenity with her life and complete breakdown of missing home, loving Historia, and that life isn't as great as people say it was.
She felt lonelier than… than Pluto. Yeah.
"Fuck! Get me some!" Connie begged.
Grandma had left earlier that night with her friends to go Bingo. She put Ymir in charge of watching the other 'kids' because she was a year older.
Oh, Grandma, if you only knew, Ymir lamented. I'm just a bad little girl, too.
"Hey, guys," Ymir felt it was right to say it how it was. It made her feel awful to be untruthful. "I'm the other woman."
"Huh?" Connie glared at her. "What mind games are you playing now?"
"Wait, other woman? Like, cheating other woman?" Sasha's words were jumbled up from the biscuit in her mouth.
"Yeah… girl I like is with a guy. I don't even know if she's straight or not." Ymir continued.
"WHAT?!" Connie barked. "DUDE!"
"Wh—" Sasha's biscuit dropped from her mouth. "What? Ymir, no! Don't be the other woman! You can get any other girl!"
Ymir smiled but it felt harder than usual. It felt—
"Hey, guys," Ilse came from her room, tired, blinking sleepily, "can you keep it down—Sis? What's wrong?"
Ymir held her face as she cried.
"I—I really like her, g-guys…"
And Ymir didn't ever want to leave her, but she knew there was better things than this…
She just didn't want to do better without the girl she loved.
