AN: Music for this chapter (on repeat): One More Night by Maroon 5


FIFTY-THREE

o

"Yeah, he's mine." Dubey smiled and laughed, "He's fifteen going on twenty-five, I swear. They grow up so fast don't they?" He winked at Irina having not seen them since he ran into them five years ago in Egypt and exchanged brief conversation about facts of life like the fact he'd just had another child to add to his own twins and Irina once again thanking him for his efforts in finding the girls years ago on the Black Market.

"Too fast." Irina answered, "The young woman he's currently having fun with is our youngest daughter, Nadia."

"Nadia?" His eyes widened with a smile. "Wow…she grew up! Well, that explains her beauty and his attraction." Dubey laughed while everyone else at the table watched this interaction with a certain fascination and uneasiness, all with wide-eyes. "They seem to be quite taken with each other…"

"So it seems." Irina responded with a slight smile very uneasy with the situation, never liking Jack and Dubey in the same vicinity.

"Well, he's a good kid, don't worry." Dubey smiled looking at Jack. "I don't worry about him as much as I do our oldest daughter, Rianna. She's got quite the wild streak and I have to keep an eye on her. Don't want some punk taking advantage of my girl." He nodded towards the opposite end of the pool towards his daughter. "I'm sure you understand as a father, it's just different with your girls." He laughed softly looking at Jack. "That guy she's been swimming with doesn't seem to be a punk but still… got to keep my eye on him."

"He's not." Jack answered in monotone swallowing hard looking at his son splashing in the water with the girl, "It's our son, Nicholas."

Dubey burst into deep laughter, "Oh, that's ironic. Your son and my daughter, my son and your daughter… My twins and yours… well Irina," He shook his head laughing softly with a hint of longing still in his eyes, clearly still and always would be, in love with her, "You and I never shared a baby but we just may end up sharing grandchildren."

Jack's eyebrows hit his hairline before squeezing into a glare and fist balling at his side, extremely disturbed with that thought and mentioning. Everyone else around the tables eyes widening as well and taking large simultaneous sips of their drinks.

"I'll have another one of these." Jack waved his finger at the waiter getting another drink and Katya sucked in her lips, biting them and trying to hide her smile knowing this shouldn't be entertaining at all but in some twisted way it was.

"Well, now I'm less concerned for her," Dubey sat back smiling watching his daughter, "I wouldn't expect anything but a respectable young man with the both of you as his parents. Someone who knows how to treat a lady." He flashed his eyes from Irina to Jack and then chuckled again, "What are the odds that both our sons and daughters would end up falling for each other? I understand why there is a mutual attraction and the draw is strong… hard not to fall for those eyes and smile," Dubey smiled at Irina taking note that both her children possessed those two features, "I just hope they don't get their hearts broken." His eyes were intent and smile fell just a little as he stood and kissed Irina's hand, "Seeing as how my children are in capable hands and enjoying themselves," He extended his hand to Jack, "I'm going to go find my own beautiful wife and spend some time with her...Your daughter is absolutely gorgeous. An astonishingly beautiful woman like her mother." He smiled again looking over at Nadia, nodding his 'goodbye' to the rest of the table with a smile, "I'm sure we'll see each other around. Enjoy yourselves. Irina, always a pleasure in seeing you." He added softly with a slight bow and smile.


"Nadia, do you realize who he is?" Lena pulled her aside in the pool some time later after discovery the gorgeous guy her sister was with, last name. "He's Vijay Dubey! Dubey!" Her eyebrows rose, "As in the guy Mama was with that Daddy is not exactly crazy about."

Nadia looked over at her new 'friend' with stunned eyes and then smiled, "Well, he's gorgeous and fun and I don't care who his father is! So what if his father and Mama had some crazy mad passionate sex for years… that has nothing to do with he and I!" She countered with a stubborn slant of her own eyebrow and smile.

"Are you kidding me? Daddy can't stand to be around the guy for more then five minutes just on that fact alone, that he was with Mama for so many years when Daddy wasn't! There is no way you can keep a relationship with him going after we leave here anyway!" Lena tried to reason with her sister.

"Maybe so! But we're going to have fun while we're here! And you're really one to talk about the sins of the mother and father reflecting on the children's relationships when you argued the same point a year ago about Parker being Brian's son!" She flashed her dark gaze with a smirk and tilt of her head.

"Yes! And it was a horrible mistake!" Lena grasped her shoulders, "I should have listened to Daddy because the guy turned out to be a giant creep!"

"Well he isn't a giant creep and neither is his father! The only reason Daddy doesn't like him 'is' because he was with Mama for so many years, her source of comfort and friend and he 'isn't' a giant creep but a nice, caring guy who took care of Mama. Those are good qualities and not a good reason to not like his son! Daddy has even admitted before that he was glad Mama had Dubey in her life to be there when he couldn't and saved her life… even if he hated it at the same time!" Nadia shifted her weight on her hips crossing her arms over her chest, "Because he knew he wasn't an all bad guy! He cared about Mama!"

"That guy is 'still' in love with Mama! It was clear as day sitting there, watching him look at her and speak, Nadia! Don't you think this is going to add to the stress their being here already puts on Mama and Daddy? Do you want them to fight about this because of you wanting to have fun?" Lena asked with pounding heart remembering clearly the explosion between her parents in the film in Jakarta over the man. She knew they were all on 'cordial' terms now but it was still strained.

"No, I don't want them to fight but they have no reason to! Why would they fight about this? Mama loves Daddy and Daddy loves Mama and they are more in love with each other then anyone I know! I can't see 'them' fighting over it…maybe both of them fighting with 'me' but not them!" Nadia believed in her stance and wasn't backing down, "He's a nice guy, Lena… and we're just having fun. Come on," Her voice softened, "I backed you up and helped you with Parker… I'm not planning on marrying the guy or anything… just having some wild fun while in Goa for my birthday!"

Lena sighed with shoulders falling, knowing it was her turn to return the favor, "Well, I certainly hope you don't plan on marrying him, good guy or not, the idea of Mama and Dubey sharing grandchildren just about made Daddy's head explode!"

Nadia started laughing, "Well, why? She shares grandchildren with Uncle Mikhail and they've slept together. It'd just be another 'keeping it all in the family' kind of things." She was joking but the look on her sister's face was too funny not to. "I'm kidding, calm down… but the look on your face was hilarious! Just like Mama's when I stun her."

"Her sleeping with Uncle Mikhail was one time, her first time because he knew what it was going to be like for her once she was in the KGB training as a 'seduction agent' and didn't want her first time to be with some 'Art of Seduction' instructor learning a 'lesson' and completely different then the relationship she had with Dubey… completely." Lena was on the defensive for her mother, glad that her mother's first time was with Mikhail and special instead of with some older KGB officer learning her 'lesson' especially after having her own special first time with Antony and knowing how important it was for it to be with someone you 'want' to be with, not 'have' to be with.

"Hey, calm down!" Nadia reached her hand out grabbing Lena's upper arm with serious eyes, "You never have to defend Mama to me… I'm always on her side and I know what it was like for her and why… you don't have to explain, she already did and what she did really isn't my business anyway. She's my Mama and I'm going to love her regardless… I was just joking."

"Well then, respect her enough and Daddy not to continue this relationship past this weekend… promise!" Lena was looking at her with the same serious eyes.

"Lena, I do respect them both… and I promise that I will not continue this relationship after this weekend but while we're here… I'm going to have fun with him! Why aren't you lecturing Nicolai about this? He's with his sister!" Nadia asked with furrowed brow about the double standard.

"I did but it's not the same as you and Dubey Junior because you are Mama's daughter with 'his' son…the same dynamic and yes it may be a double standard but one I can actually see." Lena sighed and put her hair behind her ear, "Just be careful, please! I don't want you getting hurt like I did with Parker."

"I won't… but thank you for caring." Nadia smiled, kissing her cheek and then hugging her, "You're a good sister."

"So are you." Lena smiled hugging her back, "Just try to stay out of Mama and Daddy's sight with him, okay?"


*One More Night*

The lights were flashing with blaring music at the rave on the beach and hundreds of young bodies working up a sweat everywhere having a good time and Jack couldn't help but stare at them from far away, his eyes zeroed in on his youngest daughter in her bikini top and sari dancing and smiling in the dark with Mini-Me Dubey and having a good time. She looked entirely too much like her mother watching her now and with him, it unnerved Jack greatly.

He was on the far side of the pool leaning against the edge with folded arms on the sides taking a late night swim with the incredible heat when Irina finally spoke.

"Are you going to stay over there, watching them all evening or are you going to come over here and play with me?" Irina asked with a coy smile removing her sari as she sat on the edge and dipped her long legs into the water tired of sitting in her lounge chair watching him watch them for the last half hour. "It's not often these days I get you all alone… to myself in an empty pool late at night under the stars." She smiled with a naughty grin, knowing they couldn't 'do' anything naughty in a public place but it would sure be a nice foreplay to heat things up and finish in their room just a few feet away. "I must be losing my appeal if you'd rather watch a bunch of raving teenagers then play with me mostly naked in a pool." She joked with a smile watching him cross the pool to her.

"You, My Love," Jack picked her leg up out of the water kissing his way up from ankle to knee with a smile, "Will never lose your appeal." 'For everyone' his mind suddenly thought internally thinking about how appealing she was still to Dubey and he couldn't blame the man, his wife was extraordinary and unforgettable and he thanked God everyday for being the man she woke up with and went to bed next to every night… "I want you more every time I look at you." He smiled settling between her legs where she still sat on the edge and wrapped his wet arms around her and kissed the bare skin above her belly button.

"Well that's good to know." Irina laughed softly threading her fingers through his hair, "Because it seems… I want you all the time."

"All the time? Really?" Jack's voice took on a teasing curious tone, playing a new game.

"Yes… all the time. Sometimes I'll be in a meeting with some foreign dignitary and completely space out with split focus listening to them on some level and yet, thinking about you and what I wished we were doing at that moment… or what I am going to do to you when I get home." She gave him a sexy grin and he pulled her into the pool and against his chest, swimming with her out into the middle.

"Ooooh, you naughty Tsar…" Jack smiled spinning with her slowly as they tread water. "Do tell."

"I don't know…" She swayed her head and voice with a playful tone, "I'm not sure I have your complete attention… I don't want your focus split with me right now." Her eyes flashed deviance.

"Well how can I prove that you have my full attention, Sweetheart?" Jack smiled and Irina pushed away from him, dipping under the water and he inhaled sharply when she grasped his already hardening length from the moment he turned around and saw her at the edge of the pool.

She smiled under water feeling him jerk into her hand and breeched the surface with a smile and hair slicked back, wrapping her arms around his neck and legs around his waist, her crux against her shaft, pinning it between them in sensual tease.

"Sufficient proof, My Love?" Jack asked with a smile and she laughed. "I only have two thoughts going on right now… listening to you about to describe your naughty drifting thoughts and how I'm going to make them a reality very soon."

"Hmmm." Irina smiled pleased, "Well then… where was I?" She asked coyly as if in thought knowing he was very eager now.

"About to tell me the ways your mind drifts into more pleasurable activities while you're working." Jack smiled pulling her closer and rubbing her body slowly up against his creating more friction of actions to come. "I used to do that all the time too… when I was working in the office. Sitting there, drifting off, thinking about making love to you when I got home… That's why I practically attacked you coming through the door… just after kissing Sydney and spending some time with her of course." He laughed and so did she remembering those times well, "Going away on missions was always the worst… I couldn't stop the thoughts and had no way of acting on them being away from you for so long… it was torture." He laughed softly thinking of the duality of that statement, "My only relief came in those moments I was alone to relieve some of the tension… closing my eyes thinking about you and letting my hand take over."

Irina laughed wrapping her arms lazily around his neck and playing with the hair at the nap of his neck, "You're poor hand must have got a lot of work…" She smiled naughtily looking down thinking about how much he'd been gone in the early years of the marriage, "I know mine did." She flashed her eyes up to his with a sexy shy smile and Jack's eyes widened approvingly with a smile, imagining such. "Of course, my fingers were nothing like you… not nearly as long… or thick." She added softly in her deep husky sexy voice with a thick Russian accent that always drove him nuts.

Jack groaned and tightened even more against his swim trunks and their bodies, wanting to bury himself in her right now with that image. "My hand was never adequate either… always made me want you more. Even after you left…" His eyes zeroed in on hers, "Even after I learned the truth… it started out with me doing it unconsciously in my sleep dreaming about you because night was the one time my heart was allowed to take over. Then once I learned to separate the images of you in my mind… Laura and Irina so I could still love my wife and hate what you did…it became a conscious act, imagining making love to you as Laura, my wife." It sounded strange and yet not, to look at calling her Laura now and thinking of her as such, only seeing Irina with the images completely merged in his mind for years now. "On rare occasions when I was really emotional or drunk… angry, I'd imagine it was you, 'Irina' the woman who betrayed me that I was fucking senseless… hard and fast, curiously allowing my mind to wander what 'you' were really like and letting out my aggression at never knowing and hating you for it, in my mind at the same time."

Irina was listening intently, having never heard this before and taking note of his 'making love' to Laura but 'fucking' Irina… a clear separation.

"Course… then it became very complicated after you turned yourself into the CIA… and as you know and saw in the films, I began to dream of making love to you… 'Irina.' And once again my heart leading the charge to tell me what it really wanted at night, became something as it had before, that eventually carried over into the conscious… the first time I did so and imagined I was making love to you, 'Irina,' while doing it…" He swallowed hard, pausing a moment thinking back to that moment in wanting her so badly, "Was after working with you on the Kane case and having imagined taking you in a hundred ways that day in your cell. I'd really thought about it after returning from Kashmir and having touched you for the first time, been that near to you and had your lips on mine again… The curiosity of what you, Irina, were like was still there as well as the longing for my wife whom I saw when I looked at you and knew what you were like and missed you." His eyes were intent on her's with a smile; "I couldn't stop myself from needing that physical release in imagining it, carrying out those fantasies especially after finding you we were still married… subconsciously linking the two images of you yet further in my mind and gave me a, sort of permission to imagine making love to you, 'Irina' … because you were still my wife… and I told myself it was 'Laura' though it was another lie to myself as it was your image in the cell, Irina, that I was actually making love to in my mind with closed eyes."

"And after we made love in Panama and I left you again?" Irina asked softly holding his gaze intently.

"I couldn't… it hurt too much." Jack answered softly swallowing hard.

"Not even with Laura?" Irina asked with the same soft voice in almost a choked whisper.

"I could only see, Irina after Panama… even when I wanted to hate you again… the images of you had merged in my mind only leaving Irina even if I didn't want to believe it then… but there was no question that I'd made love with my wife in Panama… and my wife that night was, Irina. There was no more Laura…" Jack shook his head softly holding her more tightly, "Only you… and I just couldn't do it."

"Neither could I." Irina answered in a whisper with tears building in her eyes thinking about the torturous months without him. "At least you had the privacy to do so in the months before," She lightened with a soft laugh and smile, "I had security cameras on me 24/7 and a guard with me even in the shower… there was no way for me to get that physical release even though I'd imagined making love with you many times during my captivity in glass… that was torturous."

"I can only imagine." Jack smiled softly having never thought about that until now.

"After so much built up sexual tension between the two of us, I was about to explode and thank God for the shower I took while getting ready to go out with you that night in Bangkok or I might have done severely more damage in the club then I did already." She smiled watching his eyes widen.

"You did that in the shower when I was right outside the door?" Jack asked with a thick voice and lengthening further with the thought.

"Yes," Irina laughed, "Are you kidding me? After months in captivity and the unresolved sexual tension with you, while being on a mission with you… I am not one to miss an opportunity and I saw mine with the first shower I had alone in ten months and took it! Thank God for jet stream detachable shower nozzles." She added in a sultry voice with a wink and Jack groaned.

"You could have just asked me to help you with that problem… I was right outside the door." Jack thrust his hips unconsciously into hers and Irina laughed in turn.

"Jack, you were still hating me then. You thought I was the Devil and I highly doubt that had I asked you would have helped me." She kept laughing softly shaking her head.

"I think you're wrong." Jack answered seriously, shaking his head, "I was already wavering greatly between wanting to strangle you and wanting to throw you down and make wild passionate love with you under the same unresolved sexual tension and in fact thought of it many times of doing just that the moment you came out of the bathroom in that dress. I'm more then certain thinking about it now that had you poked your head out of the bathroom and asked me in there to get you off there would have been no way in the world I would have been able to say no. We could have saved ourselves a week of torture by waiting until Panama."

"And then 'Panama' would be Bangkok, and you'd be Bangkok Jack instead of Panama Jack," Irina started laughing hysterically, "And that just sounds so wrong… and, a very important 'and," Irina sobered slightly in her laughing with wide eyes, "We wouldn't have Lena because I wasn't ovulating in Bangkok… not to mention our mission would have failed, as would have my plan and escape and I'd more then likely be sitting in prison somewhere forgotten by now with my Life Sentence and never after that night having been able to make love with you ever again under such conditions, so…" She sighed heavily with a smile, "Everything worked out the way it was supposed to. Fate played its part and our lives are the better for me getting myself off that night… instead of asking for your help." She added with a snort and deep laugh.

"Well then, thank God for getting yourself off!" Jack added with a smile and laughed with her and she threw her head back laughing as they slowly turned around and around in the water and Jack seized the opportunity to kiss her neck.

Dubey and his beautiful wife were walking hand in hand on the far side of the courtyard going for their own walk on the beach and heard Irina's laughter and then Jack's and saw them laughing and swimming in the pool together obviously happy.

"She's very happy." His wife smiled softly, knowing her husband would always be in love with the gorgeous Russian Tsar but secure in their own marriage knowing he loved her to in a different way and accepting it. She was happy to see Irina and Jack happy after learning their tragic love story that was now a happily ever after.

"Yes." Dubey smiled staring at Irina always loving to see her laugh and smile and never brighter then right now, in the arms of the one she'd always loved, "They were meant to be. Just as we were." He turned his head, picking up their joined hands and kissing hers with a raging smile, "Everything worked out the way it was meant to and I couldn't be happier for all of us."


They'd come to the States during the Russian school break in late February, having two weeks off every year at this time of year to close out the Winter Sessions and get ready for the Spring and break up the peril of the harsh Russian winter. Jack and Irina had come earlier spending a week in Rosarita, Mexico over their anniversary and their children plus Antony, had flown over to meet up with them at their home in Pasadena when they returned. Sydney, Vaughn and their children had also returned. Upon returning, Jack and Irina were about to get another lesson on what's really important in a horrifying way they could have never imagined in their worst nightmares.

"Ah… Lena," Nadia came into her room as soon as Antony left with Nicholas to pick up Jaxx and go out for the day, "I kind of, sort a, need your help." She was fidgeting nervously biting on her lip in a move just like her mother.

"What's wrong?" Lena was instantly concerned sitting up in the window seat where she was reading 'The Art of War' preparing for the quiz she knew her mother would verbally give her about it and the teachings within upon their return from Mexico tomorrow. It was just one of the many 'lessons' she'd read and learn about and then discuss.

"I think I'm pregnant." Nadia said in a quiet rush looking away.

"What?" Lena almost screamed instantly flying out of the window seat.

"You heard me… and I'm late, really late." Nadia sat heavily on the bed, "At first I thought it was my upped workout routine getting ready for the Olympic Trials but now I'm not so sure."

"Dubey?" Lena asked breathless with pounding heart only knowing of her sister ever sleeping with one guy.

"Yes! I'm not a slut, Lena! I haven't just slept with everyone! He's the only one!" Nadia yelled back with tears in her eyes.

"I'm not suggesting you were it's just… Oh my God, Dubey!" Lena put her hands on her head with wide eyes realizing the implications here. "See, this is why you have to use some sort of protection! Oh my God, Dubey!"

"What am I going to do?" Nadia asked wiping at the lone tear. "If I am pregnant with his baby, Daddy's going to kill me!" She cried.

"He's not going to kill you," Lena instantly sat beside her, pulling Nadia into her arms, "He will kill him, but he's not going to kill you." She sighed heavily, "Okay so before we start really freaking out on this… let's just take a deep breath," She inhaled deeply and so did Nadia, "And think… we're going to have to get a pregnancy test."

"Well, I can't go buy one or it will be all over the news!" Nadia cried wiping at her eyes hating that their lives were such a fascination to the rest of the world, especially in America where whenever they stepped foot on the soil it seemed the paparazzi were everywhere following them. It was nice having her mother as the rule making Tsar in Russia where she banned the 'stalking' and the press there were fine with it as long as they got the occasional photos, which they did.

"Well, I can't either! Or they'll all think that I'm the one who's pregnant!" Lena countered knowing that wasn't an option either and not eager to get thrown back into the rumor pit of vicious vipers after what happened with Parker. "We'll have to get somebody who no one is going to freak out about if they're suspecting they're pregnant to buy it." She thought for a moment, "Damn, I wish Sophia was here… she'd do it."

"I was just thinking that too." Nadia sniffled thinking about her very cool Godmother.

"We're going to have to ask Nee-Nee, she'll do it." Lena stood nodding confidently, "She's bound by the code of sisterhood to do it. She'll do it." She nodded again, sure of herself even if leery of the conversation that was bound to precede it, she knew they could always count on their big sister.


"So what's going on?" Sydney asked coming into the house she grew up in and facing her sisters after being called over. "Something heavy obviously as you told me not to bring Lara and come alone."

"We have to ask a big sisterly favor of you." Lena began with pleading eyes, "Because we're so watched, we need you to go buy a pregnancy test." She added in the same quiet rush.

"What?" Sydney exploded up off the stool with the same look Lena had, "You're pregnant?" Her eyes scanned her sister in disbelief. "I thought you were on the pill?"

"I am." Lena answered in a calm tone swallowing hard.

"But I'm not." Nadia added quietly with fresh tears in her eyes.

"You?" Sydney's eyes widened with stolen breath unaware her sister who'd just begun dating was already having sex. Lena waited only two days before telling her in the same confidence about she and Antony but she hadn't heard anything out of Nadia and for a moment she was pained at not knowing. "With who? I didn't even know you were seeing anyone!"

When explained, the 'who' and the details were going to give Sydney an aneurism thinking about the repercussions of her sister carrying the child of Dubey.

"Do you have any idea what this is going to do to Mom? And Dad? To see him all the time and interact with him, spend holidays and birthdays with him sharing this child, especially after he wanted so badly to have a baby with Mom?" Sydney was freaking out, "Oh God, oh God, oh God!" She paced rapidly spinning in circles with hands on her head.

"I know!" Nadia sobbed feeling like her heart was being ripped out at the thought of hurting her mother for a lifetime with her one act of senseless stupidity. "I don't know what to do? Help me, please!"

"I don't know how!" Sydney cried with tears in her own eyes wishing she could and solve this rapidly before anyone else got hurt.

"Okay, we just all need to calm down here!" Lena fought the watery tears off in a calm voice, "Let's stop freaking about the 'what ifs' and find out for certain before we all have a meltdown about what to do! Sydney," She addressed her sister by her full name getting serious, something she rarely if ever called her, "Please… this is why she needs your help… you can help her by getting a test to find out one way or the other. I would do it but that would start another firestorm of rumors."

"Please, Sydney." Nadia begged with a whisper.

"Fine," Sydney stood with a sigh and tears in her eyes, "But why is it that you only told me when you needed my help? Why didn't you tell me before? After it happened? I thought we had that open relationship going as sisters?"

"We do!" Nadia cried feeling a stab in her heart at seeing her older sister feeling out of the loop and used, "I do tell you everything its just-"

"I told her not to say anything to anyone." Lena sighed wiping at her own tears feeling badly as well, "She was going to tell you and I told her to just forget it and never speak of it because of who it was… I know that you went through that with Mama and Daddy and had to witness it first hand and it was painful for you too and I know you tell Mama everything too and didn't want you to have to lie forever about it… it was bad enough I was going to have to. I'm sorry."

"And I wasn't planning on lying to Mama forever about it either," Nadia cried sniffling, "Just maybe until I was thirty or so, happily married and pregnant and then she wouldn't' be so upset with so many years passed between. I'm sorry, Sydney."

Sydney couldn't help but chuckle through her tears with her sister's logic.

"I can appreciate the reasons 'why' you didn't want her to tell me in that you were trying to protect me and keep me from having to lie about it to Mom…" She addressed Lena first, "And I accept your apology as I do yours, Nadia but it drives me just as nuts when you guys try to protect me from things as it does you, when I do the same!" She shook her head and smiled, "I know there is little we can do to change that or the way we feel and respond as it seems we all, the three of us and Mom, feel the constant need to protect the other and keep things from each other to do so, in spite of the fact it drives us all nuts when the places our switched…" She sighed.

"I am sorry, Nee-Nee…it wasn't my place to tell her not to tell you." Lena apologized again with tears in her eyes. "I just really didn't want to hurt you knowing that it was you who really had to pick up the pieces and at least shove them into piles so that Mama and Daddy could put everything back together after they were broken in Jakarta and the first meeting of Daddy and Dubey." She wiped at a fallen tear, "We wouldn't be here if you hadn't pushed through the hurt in the both of them and let them see through the fog after that, clearing the way for some open communication by pointing out truths, facts and realities to them and what they needed to tell each other being the 'loving someone' on the outside who wasn't blinded by being too close but able to see them both so clearly and enough to point those out… Mama always says you were her saving grace… and I, her second chance… but without you there wouldn't have been one really…"

Lena paused inhaling a sob feeling so badly, "And I never ever want you to think I don't appreciate you and love you for doing that for me…for us…because if you hadn't, Nadia and Nicholas might not have ever been born and I would have grown up with separated parents instead of a loving close-knit family. I love and respect you tremendously for what you've done for us and I can't stand the thought of you thinking we only come to you when we need something… because that's not true." She was shaking her head softly, "I come to you because I know I can always count on you and trust that you'll know what to do when I don't… because you're my big sister, and I love you and respect you so much. I didn't know what to do or how to help Nadia but I knew that you would…I'm sorry for making you feel left out or that we use you." She hiccupped on her sob feeling her heart breaking and not knowing any other way to convince her sister otherwise.

Both Sydney and Nadia had rivers of tears staining their faces and Sydney stepped forward rapidly, pulling them both in for a hug and the three of them wrapped their arms around each other. Sydney was in awe of Lena's perception of her and how she fit into their family having no idea her sisters' thoughts about what happened to get them to this point and moved to hear the appreciation and love she was never expecting or ever thinking about it from them for her efforts with her parents to give her siblings better then what she had, but was nice to know she had it.

"I love you both so much…and I did what I did because I love Mom and Dad just as much and I wanted a family for me, just as much but especially for you." She held them both tightly, "They did all the work; I just gave them gentle shoves in certain directions at times." She laughed softly and they did too, "And I know that you love me and come to me because of that and I'm honored that you do and that you trust and respect me enough to tell me these things and ask for my help…and I never thought you used me ever up until today and I only said that because it was the heat of the moment and I was scared not knowing what to do or how to help you…because I want to protect you guys and keep you safe just as much as you want to with me…and I'm sorry for saying that." She kissed them both, "I know you must be scared," She rested her forehead with Nadia's, "But we'll figure it out. I'll go get the test and come right back."

"Thank you." Nadia cried softly feeling Sydney's lips to her forehead, "I love you and thank you for helping me."

"It's what sisters do." Sydney smiled softly to the both of them and let go to get the test.


"What's this?" Jack held up the pregnancy test box after finding it in the garbage by chance when he was dumping it in the bins outside. They'd gotten home earlier in the day and Irina was just finishing a phone call with Vladimir checking in. Jack's face was completely ashen at the thought of them having another baby now.

"It's not mine." Irina's eyes widened shaking her head realizing what he thought seeing his coloring.

"Then whose is it?" His breath had come back only to be stolen again with widening eyes, "I thought you told me Lena was on the pill?"

"She is!" Irina countered back with just as much surprise thinking about the prospects.

"Nadia!" Jack gasped in a loud whisper crunching the box in his hand feeling like he was about to have a heart attack at the prospect.

"Okay," Irina's own heart was pounding, "Calm down and… I'll go talk to her and find out what's going on. Let's not panic here and assume the worst." She didn't want this to turn into a huge fight like it had with Lena on their first 'assumptions' and they liked to believe they learned their lesson on that.

"The worst being what? I don't like either outcome as if she's not pregnant, let's hope to God she isn't!" He raged mid-sentence, "She's still having sex and 'almost' getting pregnant!" He waved the box around frantically. "Who the hell is she even dating? She just turned sixteen!"

"No one that I know of." Irina shook her head; "I'll go talk to her…please, just…go for a walk or something and calm down. I don't want to just assume and accuse her of anything…and if she is pregnant," She swallowed hard with a skip in her heart, "She's bound to be scared about it and terrified of our reactions anyway so lets just not add more tension to the situation until we know the facts. We can be upset later as this is about her now, not us. Raging right now isn't going to do any damn bit of good for any of us so…please," She stepped forward gently touching his arm, "Go for a walk and when you come back I'll fill you in…the only reason I'm suggesting such is because I'm sure you're not really wanting to hear the details of her sex life?" She smiled at him softly trying to ease the tension.

"No, definitely not!" Jack shook his head, "This is definitely a mother-daughter conversation just as it was when she started her period. I don't want any part of it. I'll take care of the boy…you handle the girls. We agreed on that and I'm just fine with that." He sighed heavily while her smile widened with a nod, "Oh God what are we going to do if she is? She's only sixteen!"

"Don't go there, Jack…" Irina shook her head, "No talk of 'what ifs' lets just get the facts first." She kissed his lips and took the crumbled box from his hand. "I love you…and it will be okay."

"I love you too…and God I hope you're right." He kissed her again quickly, "Come on Nana," He patted his thigh and the dog jumped up from where she had been laying at Irina's feet. "Let's go for a walk girl."

Irina waited until the two were out the door before looking at the box and sighing taking a deep breath, closing her eyes and hoping to God that the stick that was inside read negative. When the other three had gone out for the day, she'd thought it odd her daughter didn't join them as she normally did and now her stomach was in knots as to the why. She walked up the steps and knocked on Nadia's door softly with the box behind her back.

"Yes," Nadia's sweet voice came through the wooden door. "You can come in."

Irina opened the door and stepped inside to see her daughter on the floor having obviously been meditating and Irina only hoped it wasn't because she was stressed out from finding out the results, wandering how she was going to break the news to her parents.

"Is there something you'd like to tell me?" Irina asked calmly with a smooth voice and hands behind her back looking down at Nadia.

'God! How is it that she seems to know everything?' Nadia immediately thought internally terrified, 'Does it show or something?'

"What are you talking about, Mama?" She asked out loud instead, hoping to play dumb for a moment to buy her some time to think of a response while her heart dropped into her stomach and it turned inside out.

Irina knelt down on her haunches to eye level and brought the crushed pregnancy test box around from her back holding it between them and Nadia sighed heavily, blowing out a deep breath and then looked away, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Why did you just assume that it was mine? It could have been Lena's?" She asked quietly wondering if everyone suddenly thought of her as a slut as she was beginning to feel that way with tears forming in her eyes already.

"Your sister is on the pill and while it can still happen, the chances are less then 1%…" Irina paused taking her own calming breath with pounding heart seeing her daughter was stalling and trying not to fear the worst with what that meant, "And I wasn't here to accuse you, but ask if it was yours which you just confirmed it is…I wasn't even aware you were having sex…if you'd have come to me, I would have helped you get protection just as I did for your sister." Her eyes were filling with tears she was trying hard to blink back.

"It was only one time!" Nadia cried in her little voice that sounded so sweet and innocent going along perfectly with her petite muscular pixie like body. "And I wanted to come to you…I just couldn't." She still refused to look at her mother and the tears were rolling off her chin. "I just couldn't tell you about this!"

"It only takes once." Irina spoke softly with intent eyes filled with tears and then falling at realizing she must be pregnant from her reaction. She reached out with fingers to gently grasp Nadia's chin and make her look at her. "Why did you think you couldn't come to me?" She asked after hearing Nadia say, she 'wanted' to come to her but felt she 'couldn't' and wanted to know why.

"I didn't want to hurt you." Nadia answered in a whisper with dark eyes spilling rampant tears. "God, Mama…I didn't want to hurt you!" She cried shaking her head.

"Why did you think you would hurt me?" Irina's eyebrows narrowed as she spoke in a soft voice full of concern, "Did you think I'd be upset that you started having sex to begin with?"

"No." Nadia sobbed softly still shaking her head slightly against Irina's grasp on her face.

"Then what?" Irina asked again with more of her own tears falling.

"It's with 'whom' that I didn't want to hurt you." Nadia's face contorted in a held back sob and more tears flooded her eyes seeing her mother already crying and hating herself for causing them and undoubtedly more when she learned the truth.

"Whom?" Irina asked with pounding heart bouncing in her chest afraid of the answer seeing her daughter so upset and worried about her reaction.

"I can't tell you! I'm so sorry, Mama!" Nadia hiccupped in another sob.

"Who so you think is so bad you can't tell me?" Irina asked starting to shake slightly through her own tears fearing her daughter's answer with her reaction.

"Dubey." Nadia whispered.

"Dubey?" Irina shouted immediately horrified that the man she slept with and had a relationship with, had slept with her sixteen year old daughter. 'He slept with my daughter?' She screamed to herself in angered rage and shock and then another realization slammed through her literally knocking on her ass holding the pregnancy test box in her hand, "Oh my God!" She thought she was going to faint, this was worse then she could ever have imagined and no wonder Nadia was terrified to come to her. "I'm going to kill him!"

"I'm sorry, Mama…so sorry." Nadia was trying hard to hold back her sobs and her face was contorting as she bit her lip.

"You slept with Dubey?" Irina held her breath in the next with raging tears and pounding heart.

"Yes." Nadia answered in another whisper. Her mother's reaction was worse than she could ever have imagined and the pain she saw in her eyes and heard in her voice made her turn her face away. "I'm so sorry, Mama!" She cried.

"Oh my God," Irina swallowed the bile creeping into her throat trying to stem the urge to vomit at sharing a man with her daughter and the fact he went after Nadia, no doubt because he couldn't have her but she didn't want to believe it…never would she have thought him a predator like that, ever… and sick that she brought this man into her daughter's life, "You really had sex with him? Vijay Dubey?" Wanting to clarify and still not believing this was happening.

"Yes." Nadia answered in complete shame seeing how horrendously her mother was reacting and feeling so dirty about it, "I'm sorry, Mama…" She was sobbing uncontrollably and decided to come clean with it all and take the shame, "We were talking and then he kissed me and things started getting heated pretty quickly and he went behind me and started kissing my neck and pulled me back against him and I felt he was excited for me, and it surprised me that I did that to him, that he wanted me and my mind was swimming all over the place not knowing what to do and then when he slid his fingers down the front of my suit between my legs and touched me it was like nothing I'd ever felt before and he kept going and slid them inside me and-"

"Stop!" Irina screamed covering her eyes with the visuals assaulting her brain knowing that move from her own experience with him and jumped up running to the bathroom and threw up with Nadia standing in the doorway sobbing and then falling to her knees beside her mother.

"Mama, I'm sorry!" Nadia sobbed uncontrollably as Irina continued to vomit, "I should have stopped it but I didn't! I can't take it back! I wish I could! But it's too late! I'm sorry, Mama!"

Jack came through the door and heard the crying and dry-heaving upstairs with Nadia practically screaming 'I'm sorry, Mama' through raging tears and he bolted up the stairs to the open bathroom door and saw Irina violently throwing up until she was gagging and his eyes widened wondering 'what in the hell was going on' and what could be so bad to make Irina vomit, even if their daughter was pregnant he'd thought she'd handle it much better then him, but this…

"What the hell is going on?" He asked frantically at the out of control situation while Nadia continued to apologize on her knees, reaching out and touching Irina's arm and only making her mother retch violently again.

"It's Dubey, Jack!" Irina sobbed into the toilet speaking in a rush, "She slept with Dubey!" And then she threw up again with that image and the fact her daughter was now carrying his baby.

Jack's breath was gone in an instant and his hand fisted against his chest falling backwards and sliding down the wall while Nadia screamed her apologies through raging tears.

"You slept with Dubey?" He asked and Irina vomited again instantly hearing it come out of Jack's mouth.

"Yes!" Nadia answered in pained sob and Irina vomited again, unable to stop.

"You had sex with Dubey?" He asked again rapidly wanting to believe this was only some kind of nightmare as the images from the film of the wild sex the man had with his wife now converged before his eyes into his daughter's face. "In Goa?"

"Yes!" Nadia replied just as quickly feeling disgusting and wanting to die watching her mother continuously purge violently into the toilet with every rapid question and answer confirming the horror.

"He put his hands on you? And was inside you?" Jack's rage was starting to build along with his disgust moving slowly out of shock and wanting blood.

"Yes, yes, yes! I'm sorry, Daddy!" Nadia wailed sitting back roughly and pulling her legs up to her chest curling into ball and leaning against the counter sobbing. "I'm so sorry!"

She pleaded while Jack rapidly replayed the conversation with the man at their table through his head; the comments about how Nadia was gorgeous and looked just like her mother with her smile and eyes and then to his comment about the children he wanted with Irina maybe coming as grandchildren he felt his stomach turn inside out with pieces rapidly clicking together as to why Irina was throwing up disgusted that the man slept with her daughter too, not only for that horrendous reason alone but noticed the pregnancy test box clenched violently in her hand and his eyes flashed to Nadia seeing her curled into the fetal position, that she was pregnant by him…creating the baby he wanted with Irina and he struggled to swallow his own vomit surging to the back of his throat.

"Start talking and fast." Jack ordered wanting to know the exact details before he went and ripped the man apart piece by piece with a murderous rage in his eyes for taking advantage of his sixteen year old daughter who'd never even been on a date and was now pregnant by a much older married man with children her own age.

Nadia inhaled a sharp breathe with face contorting staring at her mother holding her head in her hands over the toilet on temporary pause from throwing up knowing her description is what started it in the first place.

"Jack, no!" Irina begged with tears in her eyes not wanting to hear this again.

"Yes, damnit! I want to know exactly what happened to get her in this situation." His own eyes filled with tears knowing it wasn't easy on his wife but they needed details before they went after him, "Did he force himself on you?" His eyes flashed to wanting to know first and foremost if she was a willing participant and dreading both answers.

"No, he didn't." Nadia sobbed, shaking her head.

"Then details and fast as I'm about to explode," Jack's fists were turning white holding back his anger so tightly not wanting to scream at her.

"How detailed?" Nadia hiccupped gasping for breath, afraid of making her mother throw up again.

"Very." Jack deadpanned and Irina felt like she was being turned inside out, throwing up again.

Nadia bit back sob, "We were talking in the hall and having a conversation and he came in my room and we were still talking and then he kissed me and things got intense and he went around behind me and was kissing my neck and I felt that he was excited for me rubbing against me and then slid his hand down my stomach and into my suit," She sobbed spitting it all out in rapid breath wanting to get it over with quickly.

"Oh God-" Irina cried softly again with new tears closing her eyes.

"And when he touched me I felt all crazy and I didn't really know what to do with so many emotions and reactions I'd never had before and I wasn't thinking just feeling and he slid his fingers inside me and grabbed my breast under my top and I could hardly breath as he moved his fingers inside me and my legs started shaking and he kept kissing my neck and then pulled my suit bottoms down and I kicked them off and he held me against his chest with his arm while he pushed his own shorts down and turned us so I was against the wall and I was shaking so hard I could hardly stand and then he thrust inside me from behind and took my breath away and I screamed because he was so big and I wasn't ready," She sobbed shaking with terror and humiliation at repeating this and sobbed when her mother violently threw up again and her eyes flashed only for a moment to her father's to see if she had to keep going seeing how her mother was throwing up he nodded sharply with a glare and she quickly turned away, closing her eyes and kept going, "He asked me if I was okay and I said yes and he started moving and the pain wore off and he started rubbing me again between my legs and my senses just went crazy and he started moving really fast and I just lost control of everything and my knees buckled and I screamed again and everything went black and I couldn't catch my breath," She paused with face contorting in pain and eyes opening when Irina threw up again hearing about her first orgasm, "And he pulled out and pulled me back with him to my bed and laid me down gently and climbed over me and then thrust inside me again all the way really quickly stealing my breath again and started moving so fast I couldn't catch my breath but it didn't hurt," She sobbed in shame, "It felt good and I wanted to feel that loss of control again he'd just made me feel and so I started moving with him and I pushed on his shoulder to role him over onto his back and he held my hips and started moving me the way he liked and I figured it out and took over for a while he caressed my breasts…" She looked down not able to say this now while looking at her mother even if she wasn't looking at her, "And he laughed saying that I 'must like to be in control like my Mom-"

"Oh God-" Irina gasped in horror and then threw up continuously until she gagged.

Nadia was sobbing hysterically hardly able to catch her own breath, "And then rolled us again saying he wanted to make me lose control again and took over holding my hands above my head and I locked my legs around his waist and he was thrusting really hard and it was painful," She sobbed telling them everything hoping for some kind of redemption, "But felt good at the same time and I orgasm again and my muscles shook and then he thrust really hard and screamed and I felt him jerk inside me and then that was it…"

Irina threw up the last of her bile and started dry heaving with stomach muscles clenching so tightly her body jolted forcefully with every gag at the idea of him erupting inside her daughter.

"He kept going until he wasn't hard anymore and then pulled out and kissed me and said he had to go because his family was waiting," Her face contorted again hearing the anguished cry from her mother before gagging again, "And I only saw him once after that just before we left when we were all down by the pool that next morning."

Jack's rage had gone from black to white with blinding force hearing the details and then watching what it was doing to his wife.

"What were you thinking?" He asked in a strangled whisper with balled fist and hot tears in his eyes.

"I wasn't thinking! I tried to but what he was doing felt so good I just stopped thinking and went with feeling and I'm sorry! I'm so sorry if I could take it back I would but I can't!" Nadia wailed. "I've been ashamed ever since because I knew what this would do to you Mama and I'm so sorry! I am! I didn't plan on it, it just happened! And it was over really quickly and then he was gone and I hoped you'd never ever have to find out because I never want to hurt you but then my period didn't come and I got scared and waited another week and it still didn't come but I was too scared that this would happen so I didn't come to you!"

"Well, he got what he wanted or as close to it as he could," Jack sneered with disgust unable to comprehend what he'd just been told, "Your smile and eyes in the gorgeous image of you…and now a baby, too."

"No! I'm not pregnant!" Nadia's eyes widened and she cried, "It was negative! I'm not pregnant!" The answer seemed to steal her mother's breath in relief before she started crying again.

"Well, thank God for that one miracle," Jack sighed heavily and dug the ball of his hand into his eyes trying to scrub out the images. "I'm going to kill him… I'm going to rip him apart piece by piece." He seethed in anger.

"Daddy, no!" Nadia screamed with a sharp cry unfurling from her ball, "You can't kill him! He didn't force me and he didn't hurt me! You can't kill him! I'm not pregnant and it's fine we don't ever have to talk about him again or what happened just please don't kill him!"

"It's not fine!" Jack's voice boomed though he fought hard to keep it contained, "The man who was your mother's lover slept with our sixteen year old daughter and there is nothing fine about that!"

"No!" Nadia screamed with wide-eyes of horror realizing now what they were thinking and sobbing all over again, "Not him! His son! Dubey, Junior! Oh my God! You thought I-" She could hardly speak so horrified seeing her parents faces whip to hers with wide eyes and blank faces losing color, "You thought I was talking about his father? Oh my God! No no nononono!" She shook her head sobbing and backing up away in horror.

"You said Dubey!" Jack's brows narrowed with a mass mixture of relief and confusion.

"Dubey, yes! As in Vijay Dubey, Junior but everyone calls him Dubey!" Nadia cried fisting her hands in her hair and curling into a ball again thinking about what they thought the entire time she recanted the story and realizing now why her mother screamed 'stop' and the started throwing up, "Oh God, no!"

"So you never had sex with Dubey? My Dubey?" Irina pointed to her chest asking rapidly and breathless staring at her daughter with hopeful bloodshot eyes.

"No, Mama! No! Never! I could never!" Nadia wailed shaking her head and Irina launched forward on top of her knocking them both backwards with arms wrapped around her lying on top of Nadia on the floor sobbing.

"Oh, thank you, God!" Irina cried with a hiccupping sob and then smiled, "Thank you thank you thank you!"

"You're not mad at me for sleeping with him?" Nadia sobbed lying beneath her mother, confused and horrified all at the same time.

"No! I'm not mad at you for sleeping with him! As long as it wasn't his father…that's all that matters!" Irina hugged her again threatening to squeeze the life out of her, "Thank you God! Thank you thank you thank you!"

She smiled with a relieved laugh and rolled over so that Nadia was lying top of her now on the space of the bathroom floor while Jack sat in shock and let his anger fade away finding himself in his own new form of horror that this entire time they were talking about two different people.

"I'm sorry, Mama I never meant for you to think I meant him! I knew his son would be bad enough!" Nadia cried with her head laying on Irina's chest feeling like a limp rag doll emotionally beat up, ripped apart and exhausted.

"Of course you didn't, Sweetheart it was just a misunderstanding…a horrible, horrible misunderstanding!" Irina kissed the top of her head and then let it fall back covering her burning eyes with her forearm trying to settle her heart.

"So I just humiliated myself and made you vomit for nothing?" Nadia sobbed and closed her eyes turning her face towards the counter and away from her father and mother.

"No, Sweetheart, I'm sorry…it wasn't your fault and it wasn't mine and nothing else matters as long as you're okay and didn't sleep with him and you have no reason to be humiliated or ashamed not at all." Irina stroked her hair with fresh tears in her eyes and kissed her head again.

"No reason? Mama, I just told you both the very vivid details of my first sexual encounter and yes I'm now very humiliated and embarrassed." Nadia cried softly and buried her face slightly against her mother's chest.

"You shouldn't be…" Irina spoke softly in her very motherly tone, "The only important thing is that we finally figured out we were talking about two different people and that's what's important. My entire life was put on film including sexual encounters, as were your father's… even the most humiliating moments of my life in Kashmir… completely exposing myself raw for all the world to see because I'm not ashamed of who I am and the entire story is what was important…if my humiliation turned strength could somehow help someone else to feel unashamed of themselves then its worth it." She reached up wiping the tear trail falling into her hair, "You have no reason to be ashamed of anything you did or who you are. I'm not ashamed of you. I love you very, very much…"

"Neither am I." Jack added softly with his own tears falling staring at the two feeling his own guilt for forcing the details out of Nadia and yet proud she gave them in spite of how horrendous it had to be. He didn't want her ashamed of herself and hearing Irina speaking of overcoming her own self shame over what happened in Kashmir made his heart skip a beat as it did every time knowing what a battle that was. "I'm sorry too, Firecracker…and you have no reason to be ashamed as your mother said. I'm not mad at you either and I'm sorry everything got so messed up…we both just love you so very much we were scared for you." He pushed off the floor and moved forward on his knees, kissing her head when she still wouldn't' look at him. "It's okay." He added softly, and it was to him because he realized that as long as it wasn't the worst-case scenario of her being impregnated by Dubey Senior, nothing else really mattered anymore.

Nadia remained still and silent for a moment before pushing off her mother suddenly and out of her arms forcing Jack back as well, "I'm going to lay down…my head is pounding and I am sorry…more then you'll ever know." She bit her lip to keep from crying and dashed out of the bathroom.

Jack stood and extended his hand to Irina pulling her up and then into his arms and kissing her forehead. Her hands slid up his back and they rested their foreheads together for a moment in silence with silent tears, just holding each other having a conversation without words by letting their hearts pressed together do the talking.

"I need to go talk to her…find out why she thought she'd hurt me so much by sleeping with Junior… that's why she didn't tell me in the first place. I need to make sure she understands I'm not upset with her." Irina sighed speaking with head down still resting against Jack's. "I don't want her to be ashamed."

"I don't either." Jack inhaled a deep breath speaking in a whisper, "My God raising teenagers is tough…I thought trying to keep an eye on Sydney when she was a spy was going to kill me but…sneaking out, rumors, fist fights, sex, pregnancy scares," He shook his head, "I'll be lucky if I make it out of these years still sane!"

"Only three more years of teenagers left…we can do it. And I really don't want to speed it up, at all, as they're already growing up way too fast for my liking." Irina wiped at her tears and looked up at him.

"Mine too." Jack gave her a soft smile and then kissed her lips, "See that's how much I love you…that I can kiss you just after your were vomiting." He laughed softly getting one from her too, "You clean up and go talk to her and I'll get you something to eat, your test kit and insulin as I know you're numbers and body were just thrown wildly out of control."

"Thank you." She smiled and watched him go before cleaning herself up, brushing her teeth and changing her shirt.

Irina knocked softly on Nadia's door and her heart sank when her daughter didn't answer. "Nadia…I'm coming in." She said softly giving warning and then walking into the room.

Nadia was lying on her stomach in her bed with arms stuffed under her pillow and face turned away from the door, eyes closed hearing her mother enter and silent tears running silvery streams down her cheeks.

"Sweetheart," Irina approached her quietly and slid onto the bed rolling her arm over her and kissing the space between Nadia's shoulder blades and then her head. She threaded her arm over Nadia and under her arm to join Nadia's arms under the pillow with her own; wrapping her hands around her wrists and cocooning herself over her daughter with her torso. "Talk to me…please."

"What is there left to say? I told you ever single gritty detail and there is nothing left to say…" Nadia answered quietly, "I felt dirty before…now I just feel disgusting…not your fault but my own. I should have said it was Junior… I guess I just never thought you'd think it was his father…but I can see now I guess…why you did."

"Why do you feel dirty and disgusting?" Irina asked with falling tears in a quiet voice, hating to hear such a thing come from her daughter's mouth knowing how that felt to think of yourself that way.

"Because I am. First, because I just slept with him…some guy I was having fun with and attracted to and not my boyfriend who meant something to me like with Lena and Antony…I just got caught up in the moment and wasn't thinking and then just didn't care but I hated myself the moment it was over thinking about you and how disappointed you'd be in me and hurt that it was Dubey…the son of your Dubey."

She cried softly staring at the picture of she and her mother together on the island in Fiji when she was little, just after they'd saved her from being kidnapped. They looked so happy it was killing her now that she couldn't stand having her mother touching her right now she felt so dirty, she didn't want to taint her.

"And now I'm just disgusting because you thought I was talking about his father throughout everything I told you…every detail… and it makes me sick to even think about or imagine him doing what I was describing… so I can understand why you did get sick… so disgusting that I reviled you so much that you threw up again when I just touched you." She tried to hold back her sob and failed, "And its making me sick to my stomach that you're even touching me now because I'm so repulsive in what I've done as to make you that physically ill… I don't want to taint you with my sins." She tried to slink out from under her mother's hold but Irina held fast.

The tears running from Irina's eyes were horrified and raging to hear all that she had said and especially that her touch was now making her daughter ill, "Taint me with your sins?" She repeated with an air of disbelief, "You don't have any sins! It was I, who was the one feeling repulsive, and not wanting you to touch me to taint 'you' any further because I brought the man into your life! That's the thought that made me sick! Not you! Never you! I was horrified that it was my sins that brought this on you thinking it was his father You're not dirty or disgusting in anyway and I never ever thought you were for a second!"

"Just him, right? When you were thinking it was your Dubey? But his dirty and disgusting son was inside me with hands on me, so that did taint me and made me just as disgusting!" Nadia cried still trying to pull away.

"Nadia, no! I don't think of him as dirty and disgusting! Nor do I think of you that way!" Irina held tightly with tears dripping into her daughter's long hair, "If you actually believe that… that you'd be tainted by his theoretical dirty and disgusting, then you must think I'm dirty and disgusting and I can see why you don't want me to touch you then… as I've had thousands of real dirty and disgusting in me…" Her mind flashed to Kashmir and Cuvee with a quivering voice trying to make a point but wavering in battle thinking about Nadia disgusted by her touch, "And over me touching me, in my life… tainting me… making me so repulsive to the touch, that I make you sick?" She let go of Nadia, leaving her free to get up and away from her if she chose to.

"No, Mama! That's not what I'm saying!" Nadia cried at the loss of touch both wanting it and despising it at the same time she turned her head to look at her mother who'd gotten up to give her space, not liking at all that Nadia was thinking this about herself.

"That is exactly what you're saying." Irina let the tears fall without pause. "That you'd be tainted and made dirty if you were touched by a dirty and disgusting man… Well, I was! So according to your logic I am tainted and dirty too!"

"No, Mama! Not you!" Nadia pushed herself up into a sitting position while Irina paced, not really knowing how to have this conversation and get her daughter to not feel this way, when she herself struggled with it for decades. "It wasn't your fault, what happened to you! But I chose to, Mama! I chose to act in the heat of the moment and have meaningless sex with someone I, hardly knew not someone I loved or who meant anything! That's why I'm dirty! You're not! I am!"

"No you're not!" Irina raced forward closing the space rapidly and cupping her daughter's teary face making her look her in the eye, "Just because you had sex with someone in the heat of the moment whom you hardly knew does not make you dirty! I know why you feel this way! I do! Because I did for years every time I slept with someone who wasn't your father after being with him for so many years and knowing what it was like to make love… but it didn't make me dirty having sex and it took me a long time to see that! It was shame that made me feel that way! Shame because I'd allowed myself to take pleasure for a while in someone who wasn't the one I loved! But it didn't make me dirty!" She let go of her face and took a step back wiping at her tears. "There is a difference between making love and having sex." She began again in a softer tone, taking a deep breath. "Neither makes you dirty it's just the intent behind them. Sex is about getting pleasure and only pleasure and making love is about pleasuring the other person to show how much you love them. The last time I made love was to your father before my extraction and the first time I made love again in twenty-two years was with your father when we conceived your sister and in all those years between I was having sex, not making love!"

"I know..." Nadia cried softly.

"Sex for pleasure and sex for temporary comfort in the oblivion of another and sex for self-inflicted pain in what was left of my heart for some twisted horrible way as a form of self-loathing and punishment because I felt dirty and tainted after Kashmir being gang raped, yes…but mostly from the fact that I willingly 'gave' myself to them in the end! They didn't have to force themselves on me! I just gave in and that was where the most self-hatred came from! The shame! You know what happened with Dubey and I… the first time we ever had sex was in Goa and I wasn't thinking either just chose to act and respond in the heat of the moment to have meaningless sex with a man I hardly knew because I wanted to! He was attractive and he wanted me and so I just went with it… desire… I wanted that pleasure and that release! I hated myself after but then again when we were in the same situation it was like I turned my brain and heart off and just went with it! I'd take the pleasure in that moment and loathe myself later…"

"But it was my first time, Mama! My first day being able to date and I just let the first guy who turned me on and who I turned on take my virginity!" Nadia shook her head.

"That doesn't make you dirty! So you had sex in the heat of the moment and took pleasure in it?" Irina shrugged holding her hands up and letting them fall shaking her own head with hot tears, "There's nothing wrong with that. You didn't make love your first time out… it was sex and it doesn't make you dirty. You'll still have your first time of making love and it doesn't make you any less respectable or dirty because you didn't on your first time! Most people's first time is just sex including your father, and sister Sydney and Aunt Katya and cousin Sophia and more… it's okay. There is nothing wrong with it as long as it was enjoyable to you! That's all that matters. That you go away with a positive experience!"

"But you told Lena you were proud of her for telling Parker 'no' and waiting to make it special and she did with Antony! But I just jumped right instead of waiting for someone I cared about and someone I loved and had meaningless sex for pleasure!" Nadia waved her hand around indicating it meant nothing while she cried.

"Yes I was proud of your sister in telling Parker 'no' and waiting because I knew she was in love with Antony and that if she had sex with Parker it would be an attempt to try and 'forget' about her feelings for Antony or make them go away! And I made that mistake!" Irina pointed to herself with her fingers roughly trying to calm her breathing and failing, "I learned the heartbreaking lesson from that in trying to have sex with others to forget my love for your father and try to make it go away and I was ashamed of myself for a very long time and still am to a degree! Not that I had sex or took comfort in the arms of another at times but that I even 'tried' to forget your father by having sex! That I tried to forget him is what shamed me because I saw it as my weakness!" She shook her head wiping at the falling tears, "I didn't want her to carry around the same shame for doing something with Parker or someone else by trying to forget Antony! And just because you had sex instead of making love doesn't make you any less in my eyes! You're not the same as your sister and you weren't in the same situations! You didn't have sex with Junior to try and forget about a guy that you loved!"

She softened her voice with a sigh and a small smile, "You just had sex because you wanted to! It was with someone you found attractive, desired and had fun with it and enjoyed it. That's okay! You're making it dirty and disgusting in your mind by comparing them! Don't do that!" Irina shook her head sharply with narrowed brows, "You're sisters but you're different girls! You're different daughters! And you both were under different circumstances, of which both, I can relate to! I'm not ashamed of you! I love you and it breaks my heart that you think you're somehow dirty because you had sex on your first time out… You're not, Nadia! You're not dirty or disgusting in anyway!" She closed the distance again and knelt down on her haunches in front of Nadia on the bed to look at her more closely trying to convince her and knowing from the look in her daughter's eyes, it wasn't working.

"I told you both all the details and you threw up! You kept throwing up! I did that to you! Describing my sexual encounter was so vile to you it made you sick!" Nadia would never get that image out of her mind or the pain in her heart that she had caused that reaction.

"No! Not you!" Irina shook her head rapidly with new blinding tears feeling like she wasn't getting anywhere and knowing why. Her daughter had solidly condemned herself into feeling dirty in self-loathing and she was partly to blame because of uncontrollable actions in a horrendous misunderstanding.

"My actions, Mama! That's the same thing!" Nadia cried back and a shiver went through with disgust.

"No! It's not the same thing!" Irina shot back just as quickly with rising voice of desperate emotion, "It wasn't your actions at all! It was what I thought 'he' was doing that was making me sick and I'm sorry, so sorry that everything got so mixed up! But it was never you or your actions! Never!"

She reached out and placed her hand on Nadia's leg and her heart broke seeing her daughter pull it back and curl up not wanting to be touched at all, "I thought you were talking about someone entirely differently and 'the someone' I was thinking of in that situation made me sick, not you! If you'd told me all of that and I knew that you were speaking of Junior or anyone else other then someone I've slept with…I would never have reacted that way! It wasn't you!" She cried that everything had gone so terribly wrong and the damage was done and no way to go back and fix it.

"Your actions were fine and so were his now that I know it wasn't his father! You both made the choice and if he didn't force you and you enjoyed it then its fine. It's your business and I'm so sorry that you had to tell all the details because of the mix up and I know that wasn't easy for you. It wasn't easy for me or your father when we had to show all of the details of ours either…but it was important that we did and I'm not ashamed of it and you shouldn't be either!" Irina was pleading with searching eyes, "Why were you so afraid to come to me in the beginning? Why did you think you'd hurt me if I knew you'd slept with Junior? Or that you were scared you were pregnant?"

"Because I'd slept with him on my first night! I was afraid you'd be disappointed in me and I was scared to hurt you knowing who his father was to you and that I somehow betrayed you by having sex with his son when I knew what the relationship with his father meant to you and represented in your life and I was ashamed that I did! That I got so caught up in my own thoughts and wants that I didn't stop to think about you or what this might all do to you or even stop to think about protection which then led to me believing I was pregnant and I really couldn't come to you then!"

Nadia shook her head and looked away sobbing and then holding it back and speaking in a rush again, "Because my fears of hurting you more then I could ever have imagined were realized that if I was pregnant with his baby that meant you'd have to share a grandchild with the man who was your lover and who wanted to have babies with you but you wouldn't… and then you'd have to spend holidays and birthdays with him and be around him a lot and I know that would be terribly painful for you and Daddy because it hurts you both to be around him reminding you of everything that happened…"

She sobbed with a hiccup, rambling on getting out the rest of the story while Irina's heart was breaking once more listening to the reasons and rivers of tears coursing down her cheeks in silence.

"And I just thought that I'd not tell you I slept with him and then you wouldn't be hurt and you wouldn't have to tell Daddy who I know would go completely crazy with the thought of his daughter sleeping with Dubey's son and that I'd tell you in ten or twenty years when I was married with kids and it didn't matter anymore and it wouldn't cause problems for you or Daddy or him with me because I'd be married and have kids by then and who I had sex with when I was sixteen wouldn't really matter!" She gasped in a rush throwing her arms up in the air. "I told Lena right away and she said that I shouldn't tell you either, agreeing that it would hurt you and Daddy and said I should never tell anyone and we'd keep it between us but then I thought I was pregnant and neither one of us could buy a pregnancy test without alerting the media so we called Sydney and told her and she freaked out saying the same things I was scared about already about 'do you have any idea about what this is going to do to Mom and Dad to have to share a grandchild with Dubey? And be around him all the time when they both can't stand it?" She had changed her voice slightly to sound scornful like Sydney and then sobbed.

"And then we all got into a fight about not telling her in the first place… but we didn't tell her I slept with Junior because we didn't want her to have to lie to you about it knowing that she hates to do that too and after Daddy's reaction about lying and keeping things from you and him to Lena about Parker and to Sydney for knowing and not telling you right away we didn't want her to get hurt that way either!"

Nadia babbled and Irina's heart was pounding listening to the cause and effect of past missteps in parenting that lead in part to this one with their girls fearing the outcome because of the past judgments and assumptions made with Lena and Sydney and all them trying to protect each other and their parents as it seemed to be the theme in the family that was amazing and yet led to heartbreak at times too. A family of big hearts literally and figuratively that were always in the right places with intentions they just got muddled in the follow through at times with not all hearts agreeing because everyone was trying to protect someone else and in doing so caused a domino effect.

"And we knew it would be painful for her too because she had to witness the fallout of Jakarta with the man and you and Daddy already," Nadia went on while new tears continuously poured from her mother's eyes, "And we didn't' want to hurt her either but we needed her help and were scared and didn't know what to do so we called her and she came over and she got me the test and I took and it was negative and she said it wasn't her place or Lena's to tell you and Daddy but a decision I had to make on my own but they'd support me in anyway they could if I needed it."

She sniffled and Irina had to smile that her girls were there for each other as sisters should be and at least they had each other when they didn't have her or at least, didn't feel like they could come to her…they still had each other.

"But I'm so ashamed of it, I knew I could never tell you and have hated myself since because I can't stand keeping anything from you for very long and this was going to be something I had to keep for a long time and it was eating at me and I just didn't know what to do! I'm sorry, Mama! I'm sorry I slept with him, I'm sorry I was stupid enough not to use anything and I'm sorry for hurting you and making you sick, I'm sorry! There is never going to be a way to show you how sorry I am all this happened! And I'm so ashamed and sorry to disappoint you…I'm sorry." Nadia wiped at her eyes refusing to look at Irina with the shame and Irina once again tilted her face up to look into her swimming dark pools.

"I've never ever been disappointed in you a day of your life and I'm not now." Irina gave her a small smile, "The only thing that concerned me is that you didn't use any protection but I know you were caught up in the moment and weren't thinking and its okay that you made a mistake but I hope that you learned from it and will be more careful from now on. I'll take you just like I took Lena to get something so you're protected and don't have to be in this kind of position anymore. It's nothing to be ashamed over. You got caught up, you didn't think…I've been there, I know, and it only does take 'once." She smiled softly with new falling tears, "Your sister Lena is a prime example of that."

'Well not really,' her mind suddenly thought about 'how many' times during that 'one night' they actually…. 'Back on track,' She snapped her thoughts back in line.

"We were caught up and never in a million years thought that one night together after twenty-two years apart would result in a baby, but it did." Her voice was soft and she couldn't help but smile thinking about that little miracle, "I'm so sorry, Sweetheart that you thought you couldn't come to me and tell me who it was and that you've been scared to death the last couple of weeks on your own thinking you might be pregnant. I'm glad that you were able to call on your sisters when you didn't think you could come to me. I understand why you thought you couldn't come to me, and there is no point in going over the 'what ifs' if you had…because it won't make a difference now, but Sweetheart…"

She thumbed away Nadia's tears, "You will always be my first and foremost priority and your safety, health and happiness will always go above my own… because you are my child and I love you more then you could possibly imagine. I love that you have such an amazing heart and your sisters too, that you wanted to protect me from something you thought would hurt me, or your father, but if it hurts you in the process…I can't stand that. I can't stand the thought of you being hurt in anyway because of me."

She inhaled a deep breath and let it go feeling a bit light headed now, "Promise me that in the future, no matter how much you think something might hurt me, you'll come to me and tell me? I can't promise that I won't be hurt but I can promise I'll find a way to work past it and be there for you. It's my responsibility as a parent and one that I want. Even in this horrendous mix up, thinking the wrong thing, I was terribly upset and hurt, yes, at my failures not yours…but I would have worked past it and been there for you in every single way I could and love you none-the-less or your child because they are a part of you…and me too. Another piece of my heart and I'd love that baby no matter what." She gave her a soft smile and used the backs of her fingers to brush away the tears on Nadia's cheeks. "I love you. I will never be ashamed of you or disappointed in you and I hope that you please come to me in the future, no matter what…we'll work through it together, okay?" She moved her hand to Nadia's leg teetering slightly and needing to balance herself.

"Mama, you're as white as a ghost and your lips are turning blue." Nadia's eyes widened having never before seen her mother like this.

"I'll be okay, but did you hear what I said?" Irina took another deep breath knowing that she was probably incredibly low on blood sugar right now after so much vomiting, "Promise me please, Sweetheart that you won't ever hold anything back from me on the sole reason you think it might hurt me?"

Jack knocked on the door and gave a minute of pause before entering, "I'm sorry to interrupt but I waited as long as I could and Irina, you need to check your insulin levels now and it can't wait any longer."

"She looks like a ghost with blue lips…" Nadia's head whipped to her father's thankful he was there.

Jack's brows narrowed considerably taking a closer look at his wife walking towards her and handing her the stuff with a glass of orange juice.

"I'm fine, Jack. Thank you for bringing it to me and I'll take care of it but we're not finished here." Irina answered with a smile and then turned back to Nadia, still waiting for her answer. With the lightheadedness she took a long sip of juice already knowing from years of dealing with this, that she was low and stopped a black out before it happened so she could stay conscious for the answer and to give herself insulin.

Jack paused for a moment watching her drink and then set it aside immediately pricking her finger to read her levels but mostly her eyes were focused on Nadia, gauging her reaction to whatever they'd been talking about apparently. When it seemed Irina was okay he quietly closed the door and let them finish.

"Nadia," Irina addressed her filling a syringe and flicking it, "You haven't answered my question?" She lifted her shirt and slid the needle into her abs knowing it was the location for the fastest absorption into her body.

Nadia's gaze was transfixed on her mother and the needle that slid into her stomach with her mind circling the thought of, 'I caused this.' Misunderstanding or not… she had the power to make her mother physically ill. To hurt her so deeply, inadvertently or not, in a way as to cause her body to be so out of control that she needed to inject herself in an emergency or risk unconsciousness. Nadia swore to herself after the first time she learned the truth after watching the films the first time, talking with her parents and Sydney and the others involved, and seeing it for herself… that she'd never put her mother into a situation where she'd be caused harm knowing her mother would do anything to protect her at expense to herself.

"Sweetheart, please," Irina removed the needle and set everything aside, leaning forward on her knees seeing Nadia in a daze, "Promise me that you'll come to me even if you think it might hurt me? That's not your burden to bear… we'll work through whatever it is just, please, Nadia… promise?"

"Promise." Nadia responded in a whisper with eyes still in daze and swallowed hard, having never been more ashamed of her actions in all her life.

Ashamed of everything: ashamed that she slept with him to begin with, that she never told her mother, that she'd kept it from Sydney and upset her, that she messed up in telling her mother and caused the horrid sequence of events that made her physically ill, that she'd recounted in great detail what happened to her mother and especially to her father whom she knew couldn't stand the thought of his daughters having sex anyway… everything. She'd never hated herself more then did now. Her mother may not have been disappointed in her, but she was disappointed in herself. What she'd done could never be taken back and it would stay with her forever.

"Thank you," Irina answered softly searching her daughter's eyes and new tears formed at what she still saw, "You're not dirty, or tainted or disgusting, Nadia… you're human. I love you…forever and always, I love you. You're a beautiful person and I'm proud that you're my daughter." She cried softly reaching to pull Nadia into her arms to hold her; horrified because she knew in her heart and soul; there was no way to make Nadia 'not' feel that way. Feeling unworthy and dirty from shame was something that couldn't be told or convinced upon the person, they just had to change that feeling inside them on their own and terrified knowing just how deeply that it can affect your life and change who you are and what you do because of the way you feel about yourself. This was a road she never wanted her daughter walking on and now there was no way to pull her off.

Irina folded herself into Jack's arms in their bedroom after shutting the door and buried her face with the silent tears returning.

"We have a serious problem. Major damage has been done and this won't be fixed by apologies and explanations and telling her she's worthy and we love her. She feels tainted now…dirty and disgusting because of what happened and this major fallout." She cried and Jack swallowed hard with narrowing eyebrows trying to follow along as she spoke rapidly, "She's started down a dangerous path of self-loathing and there is no way we can pull her off it. I know because I was there and I'm terrified because I was there for decades! Only she can change it… she doesn't feel like she's worthy anymore. She's ashamed of what she did and is transferring that into 'who' she is… I know what that does." She added softly clinging to him more tightly.

'So do I.' Jack silently agreed with a feeling of dread and fear, "What do we do?"

"Keep telling her repeatedly that we love. That we're not ashamed of her and she shouldn't be either… that she's worthy… and that's all we can do. We can't make her change her perception of who she feels she is now…" She choked back a small sob, "God, why does this have to be so messed up? I never expected all the drama and heartache in our lives to just magically disappear when we left the world we were in and those people behind but I wanted better for our children. I never wanted them to know pain and shame and feelings like this or have to go through anything like this."