Favors and Lawyers are Dangerous (pt. three)

Parts one and two are chapters four and twenty-two respectively.

So after sitting through countless trials of many other writers, finding out that writers Sgt. Moffitt and Canadian Hogan's Fan had been in jail, running out in the hall when a major fight broke out, and then watching the rather amusing ordeal with 80sarcades being handcuffed, given a few charges, and taken out, there was finally a recess for an hour.

The cafeteria line was packed with everyone and everything from Looney Tunes cartoons to characters from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I, Hogan MacGyver, was doing the most important thing I had to do: looking for some packages of real sugar to put in my tea. A hand laid on my shoulder. I spun around and almost hit Rick Wright in the face with a fist.

"Whoa! Hold it!" he exclaimed, ducking.

"Rick, you actually came?" I was more than a bit shocked that he was here. That had to be a record of a plane flight!

"I'm here, aren't I?"

"Say, did you find AJ Simon?" The words were barely out of my mouth when I saw the man in question.

"As soon as I finished talking to you, he showed up at the club. Looks like your crazy hunch was right." Rick grabbed my arm and drug me over to the hall where we didn't have to yell over the noise as much.

"Hey, careful with the jacket!"

"What are you being charged with?" asked AJ.

"Stuff involving writing Hogan's Heroes fan fiction..." I paused and tried to recall what was on the letter I had received. Then smacked my head and went searching in my backpack. "Here. This is what I got in the mail." I passed the paper to them.

Rick whistled in amazement. All AJ could say was "Oh boy."

I looked at them worriedly. "Is it really that bad?"

"This is terrible" Rick commented.

"Definitely a problem" the other replied.

"You spent that much on a ham and cheese sandwich!"

I snatched the paper and read it. "Oh, honestly." It happened to be list of prices from the cafeteria since it was too hard to find a menu and I was having a hard time hearing the prices from the guy behind the counter so he had written it down for me. I flipped the page around. "This is what you are supposed to read. There's only about five more minutes before court is back in session."

Rick started talking to me while AJ read the page. "What happens if you can't get out of this, anyway?"

I shrugged and replied "I don't know. Why are you so worried?"

"Well, I have a favor of my own and I need you to-"

"Not happening! I don't want to meet any more of your mob connections or end up being shot at or anything like that. The whole point of this is to NOT go to jail or get killed!"

"You owe me for this one."

"No way, we're square. Remember that time I helped you find Icepick and testified against the guy who kidnapped him?"

"Okay, so I'll owe you one. All I need is a bit of information from somebody and I know he's here. I need you to introduce me to him."

I debated for a minute then sighed. "Okay, Rick, who is it?" When I heard the name Sgt. James Kinchloe I about flipped. "He hates me for what I did in one of the stories. You should have seen him." I shivered at the memory.

AJ had finished reading and checked the clock on the wall. "HM, it's time to be heading over there."

FFC

Once court was back in session, I was writing down all of the details because I had a feeling that the more I remembered, the better it would be for me. Besides, who knows what you could threaten to give to the newspapers or find a small lead to track down? Hey, I was desperate by this time.

"Well, who does the court call upon next?" Judge Stone asked, playing with an extremely bright Jr. Tangle toy.

"The plaintiff calls Hogan MacGyver to the stand" Riker replied.

I was so busy connecting the dots on the stuff that I had missed that I didn't hear my pen name being called until somebody next to me gave me the elbow and I practically fell off the bench.

"Is Hogan MacGyver even here?" Judge Stone questioned, looking around the room.

"Yeah, I'm present... unfortunately" I replied, getting up and going over to the stand. My boots were still wet, not to mention my socks that made a squishing sound as I walked.

"State your screen name" Bull said.

"Hogan MacGyver."

"Now Miss H-" Riker began

"If you don't mind I'd prefer it if you'd call me HM for the moment. It'll save on confusion and queer looks" I interrupted quickly, then winced when I realized what I had just done. After I mumbled "sorry", I shifted in the chair.

"Miss HM, do you know why you were called here?" I opened my mouth to respond, but he kept right on talking. "Because you have caused these men to suffer."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh brother, you've got to be kidding. Honestly with what? I've only done one... no, I guess that would be two... Huh, maybe it was three." I shook my head as if giving up that thought for the moment. "I don't see how I caused them trouble. I haven't written very much about Hogan's Heroes."

"You don't deny that you have written about them?"

"Of course not, but I don't usually kill off any characters or put them through major angst. I like doing adventure and humor."

"What about what you did to Jack Moffitt and Tully Pettigrew?" somebody shouted from the far back.

"Yeah, what about them?" another chimed in.

Riker turned to me and asked, "What exactly did you do to Sergeant Jack Moffitt and Private Tully Pettigrew in your story?"

"Objection! The Rat Patrol is a completely different fandom and although it is the same war, it doesn't have anything to do with this writer currently" AJ said quickly.

"What about what you did to Carter?" a P.O.W. hollered.

"And how about all of that boredom nonsense?" his buddy next to him added.

"Order in the court!" Judge Stone ordered and banged his gavel. He was extremely annoyed with all of the shouting from the back. "The next person over there who interrupts I'll toss in jail."

Things immediately quieted down.

"Would you say that those were humorous?" Riker questioned.

I took a stick of bubblegum out of my pocket and began to chew it thoughtfully while studying the court room. "Actually, with those I wanted to show what it was like when there isn't much to do. Conversations do tend to go down rabbit trails and contests are very normal. Sometimes it can be funny."

"I see" Riker said slowly. He was obviously thinking about something else.

I was shocked. "Really?"

"Not really." He paused, turned to the back of the room, and did a quick nod to somebody before turning back to me.

Newkirk came over carrying a stack of papers. Namely the papers from my bag.

Hogan flashed me a cocky smile while my eyes widened when it dawned on me that those were one of the main reasons I was here. They were the various ideas that I have yet to carry out. When I get my hands on that pickpocket-

Riker pulled out stack of loose papers, in an evidence bag, and showed it for the whole court to see. "It just so happens-" he started.

"I object!" I shouted, jumping up out of my chair, before any more could be said.

Stone gave me frown. "What is it?"

"That is very much personal property that I never gave consent for you to use and I know you didn't get a warrant for it. Which means it's not permissible in court." I had just quoted about the only lines that I knew people used in situations like this.

From the look that Riker was shooting in my direction, I must have gotten it right.

"Are you attending any law classes?"

I sat back down in my chair. "No, sir." There is no way I could go through this torture on a daily basis.

"Then where did you learn that?"

"Um well, it was from Murder, She Wrote. Probably early in the series, come to think of it."

"How do you know that we don't have a warrant?" Riker asked suddenly, smirking like the cat playing with a mouse.

Thankfully AJ stepped in before I started pointing out more facts to him. "I object, your Honor."

The two lawyers began a hot discussion on whether or not the evidence should be allowed, which turned into all other matters including personal attacks. I couldn't be sure, but I think my lawyer took a swipe at the other attorney because of what he said about his brother. Once Stone could shout over them to have Bull and Roz pull them apart, I was dismissed until further notice.

As I was walking over to sit with the other writers, I saw an odd look in Kinch's face, then it vanished.

Hmmm, something else is up and it isn't just the sky...