I do realize that I left you all for a very long time again with a quite unfair cliffhanger. I have... reasons other than laziness, which is a plus xD. But it can't take this long again, it CAN'T!

Therefore: I am aiming for an update in 2-3 weeks and then an update the week after that because of my exam/holiday schedule.

And I am not writing review replies and I feel terribly rude D: but, uh... know that I strongly adore you all? And the only reason I'm not writing them is so you get a quicker update. Yeah. xD

xxx

Carefully biting her lip, she forced a few tears to fall down her cheeks and ran one hand through her hair to tousle the red curls – before taking in a shaky breath and moving over to knock on Gray's door.

The blacksmith opened it instantly, his face showing slight concern at Veronica's disheveled appearance. "Uh, hey... are you okay?"

"It's... it's Tom," she choked, her blue eyes welling up with tears as she gave Gray a pleading, well-practiced gaze. "We just had... a really big fight. Can – can I come in?"

xxx

"Yeah... of course," Gray said instantly, a deep frown on his face as he threw the door open wide. "What did he do?"

"He... I just walked into the room, and he started yelling at me," she murmured, resting her head in one hand. "I don't know why... he never tells me why he's mad; just yells and pushes me around –"

"He hurt you?" Gray asked sharply, taking a step towards the smaller woman. She bit her lip slightly, unsure of how to answer that.

"N-not, hurt me, per se," she began awkwardly, closing her eyes. "I mean... not on an abusive level –"

"If he put one damn finger on you violently I'd call that abusive," he snarled. "The man's scum, whether or not you want to admit it."

"I just didn't know where to go – I can't go back there until he calms down, and... I... I guess I'd feel more comfortable with someone who could protect me. If you don't mind, that is."

Gray blinked at her incredulously. "You really think I'm going to say you can't stay?"

"Thank God..." she exhaled slowly, shaking her head and placing one hand on her heart as she blinked up at him. "I know I've said it before, but you're... such a gentleman. And you're so kind to me – I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate it."

"Anybody else would do the same," he said dryly. "There's not many people out there who are evil enough to do anything different."

She was still gazing at him with large eyes and a genuine smile. "If that's really what you think... you have a beautiful outlook on the world. But men like you are one in a million, and women like me..." she hesitated, a slight blush crossing her face. "Well, we're never lucky enough to find you."

"Well, I'll admit that you lucked out when you found that guy," Gray snapped, his lip curling as he glared at the wall separating them from Tom. Veronica had to smile as she realized how blatantly clueless he was to her subtle advances, but her expression switched straight back to a serious one when the blacksmith glanced in her direction.

"I always wonder how it would have been if I'd waited," she murmured, walking over and inviting herself to sit down at the room's small table. "If we hadn't married so fast..." she risked a glance from under lowered eyelids. "If I never got pregnant. I love Kayla, of course I love her... but..."

"Understandable," Gray said slowly, taking a great deal of time in his answers. Veronica gave a tiny sigh and shook her head, sending auburn curls back and forth.

"It's not... it's awful of me to think it. But I feel like... I owe Kayla a daddy, and I'd never be strong enough to bring her up by myself. I love Tom... I don't want to break up with him... it's just thinking that I don't have a choice –"

"Of course you have a choice," the blacksmith growled. "Don't think for another second that you're stuck with him. You could do ten times better if you wanted to."

"Nobody's going to look twice at a single mother," she mumbled, ducking her head and trying her hardest not to smile when Gray placed one hand under her chin, tilting her face towards him. His expression was deadly serious and she tried her very best to match it. "I'm not... attractive, anymore."

"Bull," he exhaled. "I'm not even going to challenge you on that one. You know it's not true. I know you know it's not true."

"Not true?" Veronica breathed, an anguished expression on her face. "I'll never be the same as I was before the pregnancy –"

"Who gives a damn?" Gray exploded, grabbing Veronica by her shoulders. "You're beautiful, and I – I hate seeing what that guy's done to your self-confidence. I watched Ji –" he froze for a moment before slowly letting go of Veronica and continuing quietly. "I've watched Jill struggle for two years now, Veronica. That's how much he broke her. Two years later and she still... can't see herself clearly. I won't let that happen to you as well – no woman deserves it."

"If anyone deserves it, I do," she said firmly. "I'm not a good person."

"You're – Goddess." He cut himself off, running his hands through his hair in aggravation. "I don't understand... what could have possibly made you marry that man. Can you see what he's doing to you?"

"I didn't want to be alone..." she murmured. "I couldn't be alone. You don't understand what I – when I found out I was pregnant, I saw my life going two ways. Okay?" She exhaled. "One way... I stayed with Tom and had the baby as a married woman. I'd show off to my single friends and chat with the married ones. My parents would be delighted, they'd buy us a house, they'd support us completely." She glanced at Gray, who had fallen silent. "And then, the other option... I left Tom. I had the baby by myself, no husband beside me when I was giving birth, or helping me choose a name, or getting me to the hospital... and my parents would still... love me, and I think they would support me, but I don't think they would ever be fine with it."

"They didn't know that you and Tom were –"

"It's not that. That, they were fine with – for heaven's sake, they raised Jack. It's more... God, we're upper class. We're respected. And Daddy, he had the whole company to think about. When – when a married daughter has a baby, it's a celebration. But if I was single..." she was shocked to realize her eyes were filling with genuine tears. "It would be an embarrassment. Kept quiet... nothing celebratory about it. Certainly nothing Daddy could talk about at company gatherings, or with his colleagues. I just loved him and Mommy... I didn't want them having to be ashamed of me. And... I didn't want to be ashamed of me. When I imagined the awful, fake sympathy I'd get from my friends; my aunts and uncles – I couldn't face it Gray, I couldn't." She gave a muffled sob and buried her head in her hands.

"Look, don't... don't cry," Gray said awkwardly, placing one hand on Veronica's shoulder. She blinked up at him, mascara already streaking down her face. In the next instant she was on her feet, her arms thrown around his waist and her head resting on his chest as she took in deep, shaky breaths.

"I couldn't get rid of her..." she choked. "Of Kayla... I knew that much from the start. So I... guess I took the easy way out. I... I'm a coward, I know –"

"No," he said plainly, shaking his head. "You're not a coward. You just got... scared." He glanced up at the ceiling and then back down to the redhead with the tiniest of smiles. "I... get that you didn't want to be alone. Even if I'll never understand why you got together with him in the first place."

Veronica smirked, reluctantly taking her arms away as Gray stepped back. There was a moment of silence before she glanced up again, her eyes darting over the taller man's face. "Hey, I'm... I'm sorry. About my sister."

Gray's expression hardened and he looked away. "You've got no reason to be sorry. It's not your fault."

If you only knew... "Still," she shrugged, tilting her head sideways, "It must be... really hard for you." There was another pause before she clapped both hands over her mouth. "Oh God... I'm so sorry. Here I am, loading all my problems on you when it's the last thing you need..."

"Hey, don't. I'm... always here for your whole family."

"You're incredible," she said softly, sitting down again and shaking her head.

Gray raised an eyebrow. "Well, compared to Tom..."

"God, Tom," she spat, bringing both hands up and clenching them in her hair. "I just want to forget about him. For ten minutes; ten freaking seconds –"

"I know what you mean," Gray said quietly – and when she glanced up, the broken expression on his face made her heart ache like it never had before. There was a strong, amazing man sitting in front of her, reduced to a little boy – and all because that idiot of a sister couldn't realize what she had.

"She doesn't deserve you."

His gaze snapped over to Veronica, a defensive expression on his face. "I think it's pretty obvious that it's the other way around."

She had to smile, shaking her head incredulously. "You're just too sweet, you know that? And there's people like Jill who will take what they need and leave... people who just use you. I'm not saying this to hurt you – I'm saying it to help."

"You think she broke up with me for no reason?"

"Well, did she give you a reason?"

"I –" he began, the childish look in his eyes returning. "She was mad. Really, really mad... I just have to wait –"

"How long?" Veronica spat, pushing herself up out of her chair and taking a step towards him as he also got to his feet. "How long are you willing to wait – she won't even tell you why she's mad, Gray. She doesn't even care about you enough to do that."

"I've... done something," he stuttered out, furrowing his brow. "I must have... Jill loves me. She wouldn't do this – not without proof –"

"She is," Veronica said impatiently, taking another annoyed step towards the blacksmith. "Gray, honey, I know you're hurting... but you know that you haven't done anything wrong; nothing to get this sort of a response from her. She doesn't trust you. How much can she really love you, if she won't even give you that much?"

A sharp slap to the face would have him hurt less. Gray's bewildered expression triggered another dull pain in Veronica's heart and without allowing herself another thought, she closed the distance between them and stood high on her toes, expertly pressing her lips to his. Not wasting a second, she wrapped two arms around the back of his neck and smirked against his mouth as she felt the pressure of reciprocating lips. It's almost too easy...

Barely a few moments later, the red-haired woman shrieked slightly as she found herself pushed firmly across the room and staring into a furious pair of blue eyes. Gray's face was twisted in an expression of complete disgust that made her feel lower and dirtier than she'd ever felt in her life. "What the hell do you think you're playing at?" he growled dangerously.

Did – did he just reject her?

"I –" she began, at a complete loss for words – again, a first in her life.

"Look, I don't know what's going through your mind right now, and I... I get that you're confused over your husband – but holy Goddess, y-you really think that's the way to –"

"I need to forget Tom for a bit, you need to get over Jill," Veronica pointed out, her falsely calm voice wavering noticeably. "I just –"

"Get over her?" Gray began lowly. "Get... over her? You think that's ever going to happen?"

"I – I mean, maybe not today, but in a week or so –"

"A week," he choked with an incredulous laugh. "You think that's how long it takes to get over someone you love? Would you be over Tom in a week?"

"Well... I don't know, maybe two," she struggled, her face heating up. So this was complete and utter embarrassment.

"Then you don't love him and you never have," Gray said coldly, "And I'm sorry for you, really, but it's not my problem and this –" he gestured vaguely between the two of them, "Is never, never going to happen. Goddess, do you have any idea how much that would hurt Jill? Of all the things in the world, letting something happen between you and I is the one thing I would never do. If I hurt her that badly... I just... couldn't live with myself."

"What about how much she's hurt you?" the woman said softly, tears welling up in her eyes. "You can't say it doesn't hurt to be... pushed aside like you're nothing; like you never meant anything to her – and without a reason..."

"Maybe she's making a mistake. Maybe she's going through something that I don't know about," the blacksmith said, his eyes narrowed as they watched Veronica in an uncomfortably intense gaze. "But I'll wait until she's ready to talk about it."

"And what if it doesn't happen?" Veronica asked, beginning to feel anger mix in with her mortification. With everything Jillian was putting him through, he was still keeping up the faithful, self-righteous crap? She'd practically just handed herself to him on a silver platter! Didn't that mean anything? Didn't he realize how many guys back in high school would have cut off a limb for the opportunity he'd just had? "If she never comes back to you?"

"So be it. I'll always leave the option there. Whether or not she wants to take it..." his stony expression crumpled slightly. "I guess I have to leave that up to her... and just hope."

"And you feel sorry for me," she scoffed, folding both arms over her chest. "Well... when you're... I don't know, dying alone... I hope you can look back and realize that you, Gray, were a complete freaking idiot." She walked over to the door and flung it open, taking one glance back over her shoulder. "I have nothing else to say to you."

"Took the words right out of my mouth," he muttered, shaking his head as the door slammed closed – before crossing the room to sink down weakly onto his bed. This is too much.

xxx

Three days later.

"She's stupid and stubborn and insolent and mentally unstable, and why won't she let me help her?"

"The books, Jack," Mary said anxiously, her eyes flitting between his clenched fists and the bookshelves he was standing next to. "Please don't hurt the books."

"She's just pushing everybody away," he muttered, stepping away from the shelves and sinking down on the couch, much to the librarian's relief. "And I know that she needs some space and that sure, there are some people she needs to push away. But not me; not her big brother. If she won't let me help her, who the hell can?"

"Maybe –"

"She fought with Ann, and she didn't even tell anybody that she broke up with Gray, let alone telling anybody why, and apparently even Gray doesn't know. You know she dropped out of Ann's wedding? And now I'm expected to pick up the pieces and I have to go and talk to Ann and make sure she's okay because as far as I know she was really upset and she wanted to talk to me about something with the wedding –" he stopped to take in a deep breath, ignoring the fact that all of his words were starting to run together. "She always used to come to me with everything, and even after she broke up with Tom she shut people out, but never me." He stopped there, his voice changing to a completely quiet and almost afraid one. "She scares me so much, Mary. She's one of the few people in the world that – it just kills me to imagine losing her... but I think I am. And there's nothing I can do to stop that."

"Jack..." Mary whispered, hurrying over to sit beside him. He quietly leaned on her, not saying a word as she stroked his hair. "Listen to me. If – if she's broken up with him, she must be... just... destroyed."

"But she won't even tell us why."

"Maybe she's been hurt too much," she murmured. "I know Gray's a good person, but we have no idea what happened between them."

"He wouldn't hurt her," Jack said adamantly, shaking his head and closing his eyes, still resting on Mary. "We know him."

"I don't believe he'd hurt her intentionally, or physically," the librarian said, her voice still sounding remarkably gentle. "But I don't believe Jill would break up with him for a small reason. I... you're her big brother, Jack. You've been supporting her emotionally her whole life... and maybe because of that, you can't see how much she's come to depend on Gray. But she – she loves him, maybe more than most people can understand. And the... the more you love someone, the easier it is for them to hurt you."

Jack was silent for a few moments. "I don't understand," he said softly, "Why she can't talk to me about it. I want to help her... I want to make her feel better about it."

"He has been... arguably the most important part of her life," Mary said after a few minutes. "And if I lost someone that I really lov – that I really cared about..." Jack sat up straight at that point, meeting her gaze with a small smile and taking her hand, "– I don't think there's anyone... apart from that person... who could make me feel better about it. That's just the way life works, and I know it's not fair, but..."

"It's life," Jack nodded, his voice quiet. He glanced up at the librarian again and almost laughed as he pulled her into a hug and landed a light kiss on her forehead. "What the hell would I do without you? My little philosopher."

"I know, I know. I'm your guardian angel," she sighed, getting to her feet and trying futilely to pull Jack to his. He smirked at her as he stood up of his own accord, before raising an eyebrow at the clock.

"Why does time go so fast in here?" he growled, frowning some as he shot a reluctant look towards the door. "I have to speak to Ann about... well, whatever she needed to speak to me about. I'll come by soon, okay?"

"Okay," Mary returned, smiling some and standing on her toes as Jack leaned down to kiss her. She watched the door swing closed in resignation. Every single time she watched him leave, her heart would twist and ache, generally distracting her from whatever she was supposed to be doing until he came back again. She just... always missed him, too much for her own good.

"Mary?" The door opened again and Jack appeared again, resting his side against the door-frame. "You... you are, you know."

"I'm what?"

"My angel."

There was a moment of genuine, meaningful silence between them before Mary rolled her eyes playfully and the farmer grinned. "I swear it didn't sound that horribly cliché in my head."

"Get out," she laughed, shaking her head as Jack winked at her and ducked outside again.

Her own glance at the clock told her that it only was five minutes until the library's closing time. With a sigh, she started to place the stack of books on her desk back onto the appropriate shelves. Drama. Thriller. Drama. Romance.

She examined the book in her hand for a moment, her heart sinking. She'd picked it up a few weeks ago, not knowing what to expect – but she'd ended up crying her eyes out before she was even halfway through it. The author had just... described these raw, heartbroken emotions that had really resounded with her. Even with how much Jack meant to her, even though she didn't think about Gray anymore, it still hurt. The end of any relationship was always going to be tough.

And Jill. Goddess, Jill. Mary wasn't going to lie and pretend that she'd ever really gotten along with the blonde, or connected with her on any level before now. 'Before now' being the key words. Now... they'd both had a breakup with the same man. Sure, she didn't know what Jill's circumstances were – but did it matter? Back then, for her, the pain had seemed unbearable – and she wasn't stupid; Jill had a connection with Gray twenty times stronger than Mary ever did.

Even though the librarian couldn't admit it back then, and wouldn't admit it now... Jack was exactly what she had needed. A friend. Someone to listen. She'd pushed him away; shut him out and refused to open up – but he never gave up on her, and that had – and still – meant the world.

With her chin held up determinedly, Mary grabbed her coat and the library keys, walking outside without hesitation.

She hadn't gone through it alone. And damn it, whether she wanted to or not, Jill wasn't going through it alone either.

xxx

Jill pulled a saucepan out of the hot, soapy water and held it up in front of her, examining and scrutinizing it carefully – as if any minuscule trace of dirt would bring the apocalypse with it. "Clean," she murmured, realizing that she could see her clear reflection on the base. She stared at herself for a few moments before cringing and throwing the pot back into the sink, squeezing her eyes shut and wrapping her arms around her torso as drops of dishwater splashed over her and the newly-mopped floor. That was all it took for her to start crying again, sinking to her knees and leaning against the recently painted cabinets. Dirty water was running down some of them, the droplets leaving gray streaks against a stark white base.

Gray...

How long had it been? A month? A year? The calender said five days. How could it only be five days? If a couple of weeks hadn't passed, at the very least... how could she keep this up? Keep hurting like this... the next ten minutes seemed like too much to get through, let alone the rest of her life.

Why her? Anyone else. Anyone.

A knock at the door sent her staggering to her feet and wiping her eyes furiously. Manna had been by four times already to check if she was 'okay'; Sasha had been by twice. If they weren't going to leave her alone, she wasn't giving them an ounce of ammunition to use against her. They could gossip and lie and make up what they wanted, but those women were not going to see her break down. Veronica couldn't hear that.

"What?" she snapped, pulling the door open firmly. Her annoyed expression faltered slightly to surprise as she recognized the librarian, but within seconds she had her arms folded across her chest and her head tilted to the side. "What do you want?"

"I want to talk to you," Mary said softly.

"I don't want to talk."

"Can I come in for awhile?"

There was a pause as the blonde's eyes narrowed. What was this, one of Jack's master plans? "Whatever," Jill said flatly, turning on her heel and walking back into the kitchen. Mary followed, shrugging her coat off and sitting down at the bench as Jill picked up a spray bottle and aimed it at the stove, wiping it down meticulously before doing the same thing with the benchtop. Suddenly, the bottle fell out of her trembling hand and she sank down, clutching the bench for some kind of support, her head ducked in shame. "What are you here for?" she whispered. "I don't need advice or pity, okay – I don't need some damn go-between for me and Jack." She choked on her own words, running one hand through her tangled hair. "And I don't want to talk about that. So you can go back to my brother and tell him –"

"Your brother didn't send me."

"Well who –" she cut herself off mid-sentence, leveling the librarian with a hateful glare. "Oh, hell no. Gray didn't –"

"Nobody sent me," she continued calmly, playing with the end of her dark braid. "I just wanted to see that you're okay. Are you okay?"

"Yes. I'm... fine."

Mary raised an eyebrow at the blonde. Her hair hadn't been brushed in days; she had dark circles under her eyes, and the immaculate state of the house would suggest that she'd been using cleaning as a substitute for sleep. Her complexion and eyes were dull, and most noticeably... it just looked like... all the spirit; all the life had been zapped out of her. "You're lying to me."

"Would you be fine?" Jill snapped defensively. Mary gave her a sad half-smile.

"No, I wasn't."

That stopped Jill in her tracks; her mouth opened slightly and closed again until she stammered out a simple, "Oh."

"I'm not pretending it was... the same," the librarian continued, "But... I just want you to know that somebody else has been there, kind of."

There was a long pause as Jill stared blankly at Mary. "It is the same," she whispered eventually, shaking her head, her eyes wide and glassy with tears that had started to spill over. "Oh my Goddess, you're... we're... Mary." She was suddenly trembling; barely able to stand up straight as she moved forward and enveloped the bewildered librarian in a hug. "I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry. I – how could I – you must hate me so much."

"I don't hate you," Mary said quickly, beyond puzzled at whatever was going on in the poor girl's head. "Of course I don't hate you. Why would I?"

"I took him away," she sobbed, her head buried in the other girl's shoulder. "I took him away from you, it was me. And he broke your heart and I, that's, that's what this is, it's karma. That's why Veronica came here; they're p-punishing me for, for what I did to you. That's why he cheated –"

"He cheatedon you?" Mary asked suddenly, her entire demeanor changing as everything started to fall into place. "He... Gray cheated on you with your own sister?" Before that moment, she hadn't thought she could feel much more sympathy for Jill. Now, though, her heart was positively breaking for her. "Jill, you listen to me." She grabbed her by both shoulders and shook her slightly, tears of her own welling up as she took in the blonde's hysterical state. "There is no twisted power in this universe... nothing, nothing that you have ever done could make you deserve that." Mary brought one hand to her mouth, impatiently shaking her head and trying to compose herself. "Oh my – Jill... why have you been keeping that bottled up?"

"You can't tell anyone," Jill pleaded, her face paper-white. "Please promise me. I can't – I can't take it again. I can't take the pity, and... people saying... why didn't he, leave me for her earlier –"

"Nobody is going to say that –"

"They did with Tom."

"I –" and with that, the librarian was speechless. She felt sickto her stomach, and it was very possible that she'd never felt so angry before in her life.

Cheating on anybody was bad enough. Cheating on somebody like Jill, who had been hurt in the same way before,was lower than low. But at least when Gray had left Mary, he did it for an emotional connection. He'd known that he... cared about Jill more than he could ever care about her.

But for the man to just... cheat... to throw away his relationship for a physical attraction... she could strangle him with her bare hands, honestly. And the way he'd looked at Jill; treated Jill... he was the last person in the world that anybody could see hurting her like that. He was just... a liar. She opened her mouth to ask Jill how she knew he'd cheated, but promptly closed it. If the blonde had caught them... she wouldn't ask her to revisit that for the world, and to be frank, Mary wasn't dying to think about that herself.

"I won't tell anyone." She pulled her back into a hug. That was all she could think to do for the moment. Because she was a writer, a reader, a librarian – she spent all day with words describing situations like these. But when it came right down to it, there was really nothing she could say.

"Was it," she began carefully after a few minutes, "Was it this bad... last time?"

"No," Jill whispered. "Oh my Goddess, no." She continued clinging to Mary as her whole body crumpled. "I didn't know I could hurt like this," she sobbed into the other girl's shoulder. "I didn't know anyone could, but it... I can't... it's over some – just some guy. And I feel like... he's died. I know that Gray's a-alive and, and healthy, and he's barely a street away from me right now... but I don't know him, whoever that is. The Gray I knew... he – he couldn't do this to me. But when – with Tom... maybe a little part of me saw it coming."

"So you're not really dealing with a breakup," Mary realized quietly, her heart sinking even more. "You're dealing with a... a death, of sorts."

Taking a few deep, shaking breaths, Jill pulled away and smoothed her hair back from her face. She attempted an apologetic smile as she noticed the damp stains her tears had left on Mary's shoulders, but her mouth trembled so violently that she had to shut it again. Walking into the kitchen, she placed a glass below the water faucet and filled it, then drank while holding the cup with both hands like a child. "Do you want anything?" she asked suddenly.

"No thank you," the dark-haired librarian said delicately, slightly thrown by Jill's apparent mood swings. The blonde shrugged and placed her glass on the counter behind her. While her back was turned, she began to speak softly again.

"I really... genuinely, truly believed that he was different, Mary," she confessed, staring blankly at the counter. "I thought he understood... what the situation with Tom and Veronica had done to me... how much it had hurt me. And I thought maybe –" her voice broke and her grip tightened around the glass in her hands. "– Maybe he was the only boy in the world who would turn Veronica down for me. I loved – I love him so much more than I loved Tom... and the only reason I let myself fall so hard was that I was so, so certain that he loved me that much too." There was a sneer on her face as she turned back towards Mary. "But I guess all men have the same priorities... and if they can get a prettier girl, they will. There is not a man in this damn world who would chose me over Veronica, and I thought I'd found the only one, but he's exactly the damn same as the rest of them!" Her voice rose hysterically and she started sobbing again before sinking to the floor. "Why does she have to be so freaking perfect?"

"Jill," Mary murmured sympathetically, quickly crossing the room and kneeling down beside her. She stroked the girl's hair back, her forehead creased with worry. "You're exhausted, and that makes everything worse. How long has it been since you've slept?"

"What if I dream about him?" the blonde whimpered, sitting up and wrapping her arms around her legs with her knees tucked up so her chin could rest on them.

"Considering how tired you are at the moment... I'd be really surprised if you had any dreams at all. It's honestly more likely that you'll just black out in a really heavy sleep for hours. And I promise – I promise – you'll feel better afterwards."

A few moments of silence followed as Jill stared straight ahead with an almost resigned expression on her face. Her chin wavered slightly and another tear spilled down her cheek, despite her best efforts to keep herself composed. "I'm just tired," she muttered, pressing her palm to her forehead. "I'm so tired."

"I should let you get some rest," the librarian said, beginning to get to her feet – but the horrified expression on the other girl's face stopped her in her tracks. "What?"

"You can't leave," Jill mumbled, her eyes wide and her eyebrows lowered. "I don't want to be on my own. I..." she ducked her head, her cheeks flushing. "I'm not making any sense... I know it's, it's stupid, but I don't know what to say –"

"I won't go. Just... tell me what you're thinking."

There was another pause as the blonde took in a deep breath, clenching and unclenching her fists. "I don't know how to cope on my own, Mary, I don't know," she choked. Her voice cracked again and her hands were trembling violently as she covered her face with them. "I don't know how to wake up, and, and face the fact that he's not in my life. He was everything. How do I – we were... it was, him and me, and now it's just me, and I hate that. I don't want to be just me, because he was the good part and now I don't like what's left. I don't like Jill; I don't want to be Jill – Goddess. I'm so messed up."

"You are not messed up," Mary said sternly. "Jill, this isn't your fault." She was watching her break down before her eyes, and it was... disturbing. The Jill she knew from around town would smile and laugh – and fight with her brother, admittedly – and just be generally happy. This... little girl, on the other hand, hardly knew what to do with herself. Changing from sobs to composure to hysterics to collapsing – it was like she wasn't in control of her body, or her mind. She was just... overwhelmed with grief, and it was apparent that she really did see it as Gray's death, rather than a break up. It was truly devastating just to watch... but to be Jill right now? She couldn't imagine.

"I screw up everything, Mary," Jill said quietly, still muffling her sobs. "Every damn thing. If I hadn't... gotten so angry over Tom and Veronica... if I'd stayed with my family, tried to push through instead of running away... then I wouldn't have met Gray, and Veronica wouldn't have met him... and you'd still be with him."

With that sentence, Mary fell silent and leaned back against the counter behind her. She didn't say a word for a long time – ten minutes, maybe twenty – but when she did, she startled Jill, who had drifted into her own little world in the time being.

"And... I wouldn't have met Jack," she murmured, a genuine smile creeping onto her face. "Y-you say that... you mess things up, but... I wouldn't even know him if it weren't for you. I wouldn't ever know what it was like... to feel like this. Jill," she glanced up, her eyes suddenly teary, "I owe you so much. I – I love him." She laughed, finally admitting the words out loud. "Oh Goddess, I'm in love with your brother. These past months... you've made me happier than I ever could have been. You did that by bringing him here... by getting together with Gray. I'll never be able to pay you back for that."

"Really?" Jill pressed, her eyes shining and hopeful as if her whole existence depended on knowing that she'd made just one person happy.

"Yes. Yes, yes, yes," the librarian said firmly. "You've just... made mistakes. That's what people do."

"I make a few more than most people," she murmured, glancing around the kitchen as if she was only starting to realize that she was crouched on the floor. "I don't want to stay here... I want to go somewhere. But..." her expression fell. "I can't go to the inn... Ann's there... Gray's there... and she's there."

"Come to the library," Mary offered, surprised that she didn't actually mind the idea of letting somebody in after closing time. "I'll recommend some books... you can stay for a few hours."

"No romance novels," the blonde said in what could have been interpreted as a humorous voice.

"No romance novels," Mary agreed, smiling as Jill fumbled through a closet and pulled out a warm-looking jacket. There was a pause as both girls shrugged their coats on and headed outside, but Jill paused with her hand on the doorknob.

"Does it always hurt?" she asked quietly, making steady eye-contact with the ground beneath her feet.

"A little bit." Mary admitted, pulling her dark braid out from where it was caught between her coat and her back. "Not missing him... it's more feeling like he never saw you as enough." Her gaze rose to catch the blonde's as a moment of complete understanding passed between them. "But I promise... it doesn't hurt like this for much longer." Just a brief, sad smile as they both walked through the front door and up the path outside. "The Goddess isn't that unkind."

xxx

Is she insane? How could she think for one second that it was... in any way welcome, or appropriate –

"Damn it, boy!" Saibara yelled, his expression furious as he stared at his grandson. Gray quickly snapped back to the present time and glanced down, swearing as he realized that the tool held over the furnace had melted into an unrecognizable shape. "I give you two days off, and all I ask is that you work overtime tonight. I'd... I'd like to be understanding, but... she's just a girl. You can't let your work suffer."

For a moment, the 'just a girl' comment stung and he opened his mouth to retaliate. But he quickly recognized a glimmer of sympathy in his grandfather's eyes – and somehow, that was possibly one of the worst parts of this whole ordeal.

"Go on," Saibara murmured, tilting his head towards the door. "I don't... I don't want any more accidents." Translated: Take care of yourself. I'm worried.

"Thanks," the younger blacksmith said gruffly, running the back of his hand over his brow and picking up his coat in anticipation. Stepping out into the winter cold from anywhere remotely warm was unpleasant. Stepping out from the Blacksmith's, which felt like it had its own personal sun, was one of the biggest shocks to the system imaginable.

One of, his head repeated – and his eyes widened in horror mixed with some foreign twinge of happiness as he set eyes on Jill for the first time since – well, Elli and Tim's wedding reception was the easiest way of referring to it.

And she looked... Goddess. Her face was absolutely tear-stricken and she was clinging to one of Mary's arms – Mary? – as she half-walked, half-stumbled up the road. Thinking that – well, through whatever had her so mad at him – that he might have done that to her... the idea was agonizing.

Both girls glanced up almost simultaneously, freezing on the spot for a second as they recognized him. In the next instant, Mary had pulled a set of keys out of her pocket and shoved them into Jill's hand, mouthing the words 'Go on' and watching as the blonde quickly walked ahead. Her entire body was rigid and tense as Gray approached her slowly.

"Mary, is she oka –"

"Don't," she murmured plainly. "I don't want to speak to you. The only reason I stopped is because I want to tell you something." She took a deep breath and forced herself to make eye-contact with him; pure disgust in her expression. "Keep away from her. Let her move on quickly and easily. Do not make this harder for her, or so help me Gray..."

"What are you talking about?" he exploded. "If I don't know what the hell I did, I –" Memories from that morning came rushing back to him all at once, and his face dropped. If she had mentioned anything about that kiss... "I – this isn't about Veronica, is it?"

Pure disbelief flitted across Mary's face as Gray one hundred percent confirmed all she needed to know. How could he... be so casual about it?

"I've always prided myself on being... somewhat ladylike," she said softly. "So I'm not going to give in and slap you right now. But I am... you have no idea how tempting it is, Gray." She started walking towards the library, turning and glancing over her shoulder one last time. "You know... there was a time when I thought that she didn't deserve you. I've never been so wrong in my life."

xxx

So: starting on the 19th and running the whole week after that is my exam period. Which means no writing. HOWEVER. After that is winter break. Which means lots and lots of writing ^^. So don't fret, and if it takes me more than a month again, I'll... well, I haven't decided. You guys can think up a suitable punishment.