Chapter 52- Philanthropy.

My dad's flight back to Rochester is booked for the day after Christmas. Carlisle and Esme drive, and at the last minute I decide to go too. Even through the delight of Christmas day, the thought of the money that I now control has been festering away in my mind, and I think that this will be the last chance I will have to talk to my dad about it.

Carlisle and Dad sit in the front and talk, about sports and work and investments, with Esme leaning forward from the back seat to contribute from time to time. I stare out the window and half listen and tug on my hair until I think it might fall out if I don't start talking soon.

"Rosalie?" There's a gentle touch on my shoulder. Esme. "Is there something on your mind?"

I turn away from the window and face her. "Sort of…I mean, yes. It's about the money."

In the front seat my dad and Carlisle go quiet. Dad twists around in the passenger seat to look at me, and I can see Carlisle's eyes flicking up the rearview mirror to look at me. "What about the money?" he asks, and the kindness in his voice reassures me.

"I've been thinking about it a lot," I say, still hesitant. "I know the court awarded it to me, but it feels…it feels wrong."

"Oh Rose," Dad sighs, almost irritably. "It's yours, you deserve it…"

"Wait Jack," Carlisle holds up a hand. "Let her talk."

I flash him a grateful look. "I feel sick every time I think about it. If Royce hadn't been rich I wouldn't have got anything like that much, and it doesn't feel right that I got so much when other girls who go through it don't get anything. I think that the money could do a lot more than just make me rich."

"So what are you saying? You want to just give it all away?" Dad's voice is loud with disbelief.

"I don't want to give it all away," I say, a little defensively. "I mean, the compensation amount was pretty reasonable and I'm not an idiot…I want the scar revision surgery as soon as they'll do it and I know that insurance might not cover it because it's considered cosmetic. I know that because of what happened I can't ever get pregnant and if I want to have a baby one day I'm going to have to adopt one or something and that takes money…I want to keep enough to cover those future expenses. And I want a new car." Guiltily I look down at my hands. "That's not a necessity, but it would be good to have something that drives well in wet or icy conditions to have when I go to college."

There's a long silence, and I look uncertainly over at Esme. "That's not being too selfish is it?"

"Not at all sweetie," Esme smiles. "I think you're being realistic. The courts gave you that payment for a reason and you should be using it for things like the surgery and your future family. I think it's wonderful that you want to do something for other girls, but you need to take care of yourself too. No one will fault you for using some of it to buy a new car, or to go on a good holiday once school is over. Personally I'd love to see you go somewhere where you can lie in the sun and do nothing but really relax for a while after all you've been through."

I grin at her. I love that idea - I can't help but imagine white sand and turquoise water and lying in a hammock with Emmett, sipping icy drinks while we watch the sunset. I push away the thought that my bikini probably shows my scars.

Dad looks troubled. "I just don't want you throwing away your future because you feel guilty. That bastard nearly destroyed you Rose, and he deserved to pay. You earned every cent of that money with what you went through."

I wince at his phrasing – earned every cent…Dad, now you're making me sound like I got paid for sex – but I try and keep calm, even though I can feel my heart drumming fast in my chest. In the end it doesn't matter what any of them think because the money is mine and I can do whatever I want with it, but I really would like them to understand and support me in this.

"I'm not throwing my future away," I say patiently. "Even without this money my future looks okay. Thanks to modelling when I was younger, and the money you and Mom invested for me, I have a good sized college fund. Once I have my degree I can earn my own money." I pause for a moment, thinking, before I go on more softly. "My future probably doesn't look like it did before all this happened. That assault changed everything…and in the end I'll never know what might have been in my life if Royce hadn't caught up with me that night. But that's okay. It doesn't matter what could have been. What matters is what is, and right now I like to think that I'm doing okay. I don't have the future mapped out, but I have some ideas and I'm looking forward to finding out more."

Dad shrugs helplessly. "Look, I can't say I understand you Rosalie…but I'm trying. I want you to keep the settlement, or at least a big part of it. Things happen kiddo, things you don't see coming and that can turn your world upside down, and I want to know that you have some money behind you to take care of yourself if something happens." His voice is gruff, and I know he's thinking about my mother.

My throat feels tight. "I know that Dad, and I am going to keep some of the money. But the thing is, something really awful did happen, and I found out how much I have and how many people I have who've got my back and are going to be there if I need them. Jasper and all the Cullens and Kari and you…I'm lucky. Not everyone has as much as I did when things go wrong."

Carlisle doesn't say anything, but his eyes crinkle up at the corners as he smiles at me in the rear view mirror.

"I'm not going to try and talk you out of it," Dad says finally. "I know you'll do what you need to do. But please Rosalie, be sensible and take care of yourself too. That's not selfish, it's just smart."

"Have you thought about what you would like to do with the money instead?" Esme asks.

"Yeah. I need to know though, if I donate it to a big organisation, can I say how I want it to be used?"

"It would depend on the circumstances, a little, but generally the answer would be yes," Dad says.

"Good. Because I want most of it to go to Kari for the rape support group," I say in a rush. "I know she's funded by the hospital for the next couple of months but after that the group's future is uncertain. The hospital is a charity and I can donate it to them, but I want them to use it to fund the support group. I can see how important it is, and I think Kari has done so much for me and I want…she can help so many girls in the group, so many of them who don't have the money for private therapy and don't have a family that knows what happens or cares as much you all did for me." I can feel tears stinging my eyes and I bite my lip.

"Rosalie, I think that's a wonderful idea," Esme says sincerely.

Carlisle grins. "You can definitely donate it to the hospital and have it earmarked for Kari's program, I'm sure about that. It's a very, very generous offer Rosalie, and I'm sure Kari is going to be over the moon about it."

Dad looks marginally happier to know that the money will be going to the hospital that Carlisle is involved with. I know he'd still prefer that I keep it all and let him invest it, but he just shakes his head and gives me a weak smile without saying anything, and for my dad that's pretty good.

I give Esme a tremulous smile. "So you think it's a good idea? I just kept thinking about how much it helped me when you told me about what happened to you. Just knowing I wasn't the only one naïve enough to get into that situation…it made it easier. I think the group will be like that too."

"It's a very good idea," Esme says warmly. "I like the idea that this money will go to helping lots of women and girls who need it."

"There are so many out there," I say quietly. "Kari's been telling me about the statistics and it's really scary. There's so much that can be done with the support group too- I've read about Kari's last group and I looked some things up online too about what's possible if you have the funding. Things like self-defence lessons within the group so you can learn in a safe place, or having a lawyer come in and talk about how to get your case through the system more easily, art therapy…that kind of thing."

Carlisle is nodding eagerly. "There is definitely a lot more that can be done with the group. We can talk to the hospital's charity and legal representatives about how it will be managed, and you can be involved in that Rosalie. But there's no rush either…you need to be sure that this is what you want to do. You're completely entitled to keep the money, so take your time and think about everything carefully."

"I'm sure," I say confidently. I know that I'm doing the right thing. The sick feeling in my stomach at the thought of the money disappears when I think about giving it away, and my heart feels light and happy when I think of what Kari can do with it. Angie, Nicole, Kat and Laura…I hear their stories in my mind and know how broken and alone they have felt. I'm doing a good thing, to share this money that I know will never feel like it belongs to me, and share this hope.

Dad hugs me before he gets on the plane. I submit to his embrace a little awkwardly- we've never been a physically demonstrative family, but his face looks so old and tired when he looks at me that I feel sorry for him.

"Take care of yourself Rosie," he says gruffly, before he walks off without looking back.

I stare after him, and then I shake my head and cover my face in my hands for a moment. "I don't understand him at all," I mutter as Esme touches my shoulder.

"He loves you," she says simply. "He loves you and Jasper both, more than he realised. He's missed you this year."

"Jack just doesn't know how to show it," Carlisle said, wrapping an arm around Esme's shoulder and kissing her on the cheek. "Your dad's a complicated man, Rosalie."

I shrug. "He just seems to make everything so difficult," I say in a small voice. "I know he's trying, but….why can't our family just be like you?"

Esme and Carlisle both laugh, but it's gentle and affectionate instead of mocking.

"Every family is different," Esme tells me. "And right now you get both- Jack and Jasper, and then all the Cullens as well."

"I know, you've been…amazing," I say, a little stiffly as we begin walking towards the exit. "I never expected that you'd make me and Jasper as much a part of your family as you have."

"We like having you around," Carlisle says cheerfully. "We're happy for you to stay around for a long time yet! Remember that Rosalie, having you with us has never been a burden. In fact, it's been a pleasure to watch you grow and bloom."

"Even when you go away to college I want you to know that we're here for you," Esme adds. "Whatever happens with you and Emmett, we'll always care for you and help you if we can."

I'm blushing fiercely. How can they just be so open with the way they feel? How can they be so generous with the way that they love? But at the same time…I'm so lucky that you were there to catch me when I fell.

~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~0~

Emmett is the first thing I see when we reach home after the long, slow journey from Seattle. It has snowed most of the way and Carlisle is a careful driver on the windy, icy roads. I hear his quiet sigh of relief as the car skids a little as he brings it to a stop outside the front steps, and then his chuckle as he catches sight of Emmett. I laugh too. Emmett, looking almost pudgy with the layers of t-shirts and sweats he's wearing, has dragged the automatic pitcher out of the garage and is batting, slamming the balls out into the forest surrounding the house. His face is red with cold. The almost empty basket of balls beside the pitching machine and the heavy scatting of snow over Emmett's clothes suggest that he's been out here awhile.

"Think our boy's keen for spring?" Carlisle says to Esme with a grin.

Esme laughs. "What on earth would give you that idea?" she mocks gently, adding in my direction as I push open the door, "If you want to stay outside with him, Rosalie, you need to go inside and get some warmer clothes."

"I'll just be a second," I say, gasping slightly as the frigid air outside hits my lungs as I hurry across to Emmett.

"Rosa girl!" he says cheerfully, not taking his eyes off the auto-pitcher. "Hang about- I'm nearly out of balls."

I can't believe how fast the balls are pelting towards him, and I tuck my hands into my armpits to keep them warm as I watch him swing his bat with easy confidence. Oh, he looks so comfortable doing this, even bundled up in as many layers as he is.

"Your dad get away okay?"

"Yeah." My teeth are already chattering. "Hurry up or I'm going inside."

"It's an automatic pitcher," Emmett snorts. "You know what automatic means, right?" But he drops his bat and bounds across to me, grabbing me in his arms and swinging me around so fast that my feet fly out from underneath me and I can't help but shriek. "But I'm done anyway," he says, and I squeal again as his cold face nuzzles into my neck. "Oh, you're warm…" he murmurs. He kisses me, and his face feels like ice but his mouth is hot. "I'm glad you're home."

I slide my hands up under the layers and feel the heat of his skin, and suddenly I don't feel so cold. His big arms around me are safe and cosy, and his love warms my heart. He pulls away and smiles at me as he swipes at his red nose with a gloved hand, and I laugh as I think how very unromantic this is and how very little I care. "I love you, you know that?"

Emmett grins and drops me back to my feet, slinging an arm around my shoulder and steering me towards the house. "I love you too. Now come inside baby, I've been out here for ages and I'm goddamn freezing…maybe you can help me warm up."