Bloody Red Doll
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are the property of Yana Toboso and Square Enix, Co. Ltd. I don't own them; I just examine all their possibilities.
Author's Note: There is some heavy conversation about the topic of suicide in this chapter, wanted to give a head's up if that topic bothers anyone.
Part 50
The memory of Hamish's kiss and the warmth of his arms around me was enough to soothe my aching head for the rest of the day. I counted down the hours when I would see him again; we had only been apart for but a few hours but already I yearned. I was a giddy maiden waiting for her suitor, I had never felt so swept off my feet.
He was so unlike every other man I had ever shared company with. He was a true gentlemen, not a lusty little boy. He was an artist and not just a boy using art patronage to make himself look good. He was also a man of humble means making a living in his art. That alone I had to admire, in fact it made him a bit more attractive to me. There was no fussing about title and propriety here, he was free of all of these; it was likely he had never known any of these things. I just only hoped I would never subject him to the same expectations. I despised my previous life, though that had been my viewpoint for too long. It was something I could purge with his help.
My headache was present through muted when I arrived at the theater that afternoon. My mind was so filled with fancies I had forgotten all about how I might have made a spectacle of myself the night before. More than a few chaps were coming up to me asking if I was all right, I simply nodded and thanked them for their concerns. I figured I must have been that bad last night. Soon Colin was walking up to me. He greeted me and put a hand on my shoulder, asking if I had a moment for a quick chat. I was amiable, though put at some unease.
He pulled me aside in his office, saying he just wanted to check up on me a little. He asked if Hamish took care of me. I tried not to giggle and ramble on, instead I replied with an even tone that he watched over me with great kindness.
"Grell, I don't know how much you recall from last night, but you got yourself into a rough state," he said. "You were screaming, weeping, fainting at times, retching, you were most ill. Hamish volunteered to take you on and I did leave with great concern. I'm not saying this out of some prudish judgment, I'm addressing this as a friend. I know you have not had an easy few months and I know your pain runs deep. When I heard some of the things you were saying last night, I had the feeling your aches are far deeper behind that smiling face of yours."
I shifted uncomfortably, I almost resented the fact he was saying this to me.
"All of us carouse, that's hardly a scandal, but this is the second time that you got so bad it was frightening," Colin continued. "Knowing what you have gone through, I hope you're not trying to drink away your fears."
I let out a hard sigh and put a hand through my hair. I just wanted to melt through the floor. Colin put a hand on my shoulder.
"Grell, all I want to tell you is locking away your pain in hopes it will vanish will only destroy you," he said. "You are among friends here; should you need counsel or simply a friendly word we are all here for you."
I looked him in the eyes, his worried expression stung through my heart.
"I appreciate this so much, Colin," I said, my voice tense. "No, things have not been easy for me and perhaps I have been doing the wrong things to deal with it. I confess I have a very hard time trusting people right now."
"And with great reason," Colin replied with a nod. "I know it will take you a while before you lower your walls to anyone, I am merely showing you an open door."
"Thank you," I said. "I certainly will try."
He patted me on the shoulder and opened the office door. We left with light chatter, though my cheeks were hot and I was trembling. I couldn't be angry at him for saying anything. This wasn't a lecture from Matthew or Jacob about my poor decorum, this was a word from a friend truly concerned for my welfare. I wasn't in the best state, I did get myself into a mess last night, and I knew it. Dear God what the hell was coming out of my mouth last night? That thought scared me more than how ill I became.
After this no one else mentioned the previous night, we just went back to business. My head gradually cleared up, the physical effort made my stomach turn at first but after a while my blood was a flowing and the toxins were making their way out. I barely paid attention to the time until someone told me it was almost 6. It was time for the players to arrive; it was time for me to see darling Hamish again.
My heart fluttered, my lingering sense of discomfort was replaced by pure elation. I went over a plan in my head of how I would properly greet him. I truly wanted to just rush into his arms and kiss him, alas that wasn't possible. I would save my kisses for when we were in private company, they would be more meaningful that way.
I went out to the dressing room a little later than anticipated, Hamish was right there chatting with James and Mary. We made eye contact and my cheeks flushed. He threw me a wink and a smile.
"Oh good, you're still on your feet," he said.
I returned his smile and walked up to him, clasping his hand in a brotherly way.
"With your help," I said, keeping my tone friendly. "Ever thought of going into medicine?"
"Nope, I'd rather make money," he replied.
We laughed and I let go of his hand, though I felt the tip of his finger casually run across my palm. My body tingled, though I kept my composure.
"I'd say that makes him a saint," Ephraim said.
"How dare you accuse me of being a saint," Hamish replied with mock indignation.
We all laughed at this, perhaps I laughed a little harder. The rest of the lads and lasses did inquire how I was feeling, though no one seemed to want to talk about it that much. Given what Colin told me, I must have been a fright. I couldn't blame them for not wanting to say anything, I wanted to move on from that rubbish myself.
Hamish and I socialized like good chums, it was only appropriate considering the kindness he showed to me the previous night. We kept apart, but there were plenty of glances, pithy compliments, and the occasional pat on the back between us; it was our special secret that linked us together.
We went about the second night as normal. As magical as that opening night was, that second night felt even better. I had the scene changes all practiced, I was polishing my performance, most importantly all my nerves and reservations completely vanished. All the rust had been knocked off and I felt shiny and new. The applause that night felt so much sweeter.
I will admit I was still feeling a small sting when everyone went out for the meet and greet. The ache wasn't as profound from the other night, though still present. In turn I put more of my efforts into my clean-up tasks. My mood slightly improved when everyone returned and we all chatted a bit. Some were going to the pub, but I just wanted to go home. Hamish volunteered to walk me home, such a gentlemanly gesture.
We engaged in light chatter on the way back to my guesthouse. He had a job first thing in the morning and couldn't loiter about too long. He did walk me into my room, close the door, and give me a warm kiss. I fell into his arms and savored his lips, caressing his cheek and holding him as close to me as I could. I could feel his heart beating and savored his breath against my face. I wanted to lie on the bed with him and simply rest in his arms, unfortunately time was against us.
He gave me one last kiss, then caressed my hair.
"Would you have time to visit my place after the show tomorrow?" he asked. "I should be a bit more available then."
I simply nodded. He told me he would leave the theater first and I was to come by twenty minutes after he left. Considering how paranoid I was in these matters, I understood his reasoning; no need for creating suspicion or rumors. He then kissed my hand and bade me goodnight. I opened the door for him and watched him walk out, turning one more glance in my direction as he walked out.
We remained casual friends the next day, though with the same occasional glances. After the show that night I saw him leave, soon after I was meandering out the door and walking around the block. It was a lovely trip around Drury Lane; seeing all the well-dressed theater goers and all the vendors. Once upon a time I was one of those dressed to the top chaps going into one of those carriages. Someday I would be inside one of those theaters and right onstage; it had to happen, I was sure of it.
My musings of the theatrical kind turned to musings of the heart when I reached his apartment. He greeted me at the door with a warm smile and a look of honest happiness. I closed the door and we exchanged kisses right away. He made a lovely meal, we sat close to each other and dined; the tip of my toe occasionally trailing up his pant leg, his fingers running over my knee.
We played music, we chatted, we had a few glasses of wine. We spent the end of the evening in each other's arms, kissing in beautiful comfort. I was so happy simply being with him I didn't give a toss if we were fully clothed. I found myself preferring it this way. I had way too many cheap lays in my lifetime, this was lovelier. We parted with kisses and light words at the end of the evening. I was practically dancing through the streets on the way home.
It was a lovely routine we continued. Some nights were spent at my place, some were spent at his. I changed guest houses and found myself in one with a nicer stove and a table and chair set. This was perfect for some evening dinners and talks over tea. I dug out my violin at last, Hamish gave me a few tips on how to oil and tune it. After his words of advice it was playing better than it ever had.
At the theater we maintained a casual friendship. A few did comment how good of friends we became, only natural considering how he helped me after opening night. I still visited Sam and Ephraim and George and his lovely family from time to time. One night Colin invited a few of us over to the gorgeous yet modest apartment he shared with Aunt Roberta. It was a lovely night of chatting, singing, not to mention some of Aunt Roberta's delicious cooking. Some other nights I would go home alone. It was a nice arrangement; Hamish and I spent time together when we could and all the time we spent was glorious.
It was around the end of July when Hamish did ask me to join him on a job. He said he had been avoiding the topic before to not sound needy, though this time he had one show he knew I would greatly enjoy. I happily accompanied him, violin in hand, to a huge tavern in a humbler part of Westminster. We met up with some of this other friends, it was lovely meeting them for the first time; I introduced myself as Jack and Hamish played right along. Everyone was friendly, though a few sizing-up looks in my direction and glances amongst each other told me a few things.
The location was more like an old feast hall than your average cramped pub. The room was massive, benches and tables were set up everywhere. I saw a bevy of plainly clothed people talking, laughing, drinking, eating, just having a good time. We had a quick rehearsal and tune-up, then we took position in this corner not far from the bar and played. Barely anyone paid attention to us, occasionally a glass or a bottle would fly by our heads. We were heckled, we were praised, a few coins dropped in the cup beside us. I had a wide smile on my face the whole time.
We played for quite a few hours, the time just flew by for me. It was around 1 in the morning when we broke for the night. The mistress of the house gave a small sack of coins to Hamish and sent us on our merry way. Hamish gave us each an equal share, I was going away with five shillings. I certainly considered this an evening well spent. I told Hamish as we were leaving to consider me for future shows, I had so much fun that night.
A few days later he did ask me to join him for another show at another tavern and I gleefully accepted. This one was just the two of us at a little higher-end establishment; the crowd was a bit calmer and ignored us a bit more, though I still enjoyed myself. We both got six pence for this show, an even better wage than last time.
A few days later Hamish came to me with a few suggestions, I listened through the list of taverns, though he named off one garden party at some lord's townhouse. I nearly accepted, though a voice of warning suddenly went off in my head. How wise would it be for me to play at some noble gathering? How many of the guests might recognize me? I politely declined this offer. I just needed to say a few words in reason for Hamish to understand fully and apologize for being careless. It was no trouble, I said; I was the one responsible for choosing my own situation. Then I had a sudden thought.
"You know, I just made an amusing realization," I said with a sad smile. "We're two weeks into August and I'm only now remembering the high season is almost finished. This time last year and the year before I had spent most of my summers with a drink in hand trying to be witty."
Hamish chuckled a little.
"Missing anything," he asked.
"Hardly," I replied with a wicked smile.
This lingering thought stayed in my mind for our next few shows. How many times had I simply passed by musicians at taverns and parties or even on the street without a second thought? Not even a year after passing them for the last time at whatever party I was at, here I was on the opposite end. Anyone else would look at me with pity at this turnaround, I thought I had the best vantage point.
We did take a job at the birthday party for some barrister's kid. Hamish and I were joined by another one of his friends. This was a more modest crowd compared to the private gatherings I was used to, though the smell of money and the amount of noses in the air was abundant. All the children were screaming brats, and all the adults chatted about paperwork and magistrates and gardens and households. I was smiling the whole time, each passing conversation made me smile wider. How much would any of these wankers give to be in my position? Here I was the luckiest man in the world.
The last two weeks of August were rather busy. Hamish and I along with whoever else he had with him played so many different pubs and parties. Everyone was savoring the season as much as they could. I still refused to play at parties with any significant high society presence, Hamish understood though the little details he tossed out of how much money he was making weakened that resolve a little. By now I was pondering if I could do this and get away with being unrecognized. All I needed to do was remember Georgia's tutelage and know I had a chance.
I agreed to take a job at the townhouse of this Lord Weston; Hamish asked if I really felt comfortable going this, I replied I wanted to at least give it a try. I arrived in a nice outfit, my hair pulled back into a ponytail and powdered like mad. With the light powder on my face, I looked like a nondescript musician at a high end affair. Hamish was also looking rather smart in his blue coat, his black hair pulled into a ponytail with a little bit of a curl at the end.
I played some pleasant music to accompany the witty jokes and currying favor. I didn't immediately recognize anyone thankfully, though no one was exactly looking at me at all; the benefit of being an accoutrement. At the end of the party the butler paid us our keep and scooted us on our merry way. I left there with ten pence in my pocket
I did not limit myself from that point on. Eventually I found this passable looking wig in the storage closet, snuck it back home with me, cleaned it up a bit, and wore it to a few occasions. There were a few parties where I did see some old familiar faces, though no one entirely familiar. Not one eye was turned toward me, it felt so wonderfully dangerous to be this close to people who kissed my arse as a noble who wouldn't even look on me now as a hired man. I didn't want to think on what could happen if I was recognized, though the threat excited me. I did keep ears open for any familiar names, thankfully hearing none. My fears were somewhat allayed and the generous pay honeyed the experience.
At the same time the play was still in full swing. We were drawing good sized crowds and the applause at the end was nice and loud. Georgia was teaching me much about costumes and make-up. I finally had the opportunity to put brushes to a few of my friends. There were quite a few recitations of "Try not to poke my eye out" and "If I look like an old whore, you'll be in trouble." I laughed along, though I laughed even more when they looked in the mirror and smiled.
I was learning how to sew, soon I was patching ripped seams and holes from snags. I also finished off a few sleeves for some new creations. The more I practiced and the better I got, the more a few ideas came into my mind. Perhaps I could make my own dress, perhaps I could replace the one I left behind at Chamberlain with a lovely creation of my own making. This certainly encouraged me to learn and practice as much as I could.
Colin announced to us one evening he would soon reveal the title of the autumn comedy. I was a bit surprised, I couldn't believe it was that late already. It seemed like we had just started "Julius Caesar," now the fall comedy was nigh. I couldn't believe how much time had passed already. Last year at this time I was readying my goodbyes. Last year at this time I was filled with an unease and melancholy I tried to push behind as silliness. The final show this year would not be such a painful exercise, it wouldn't end with me riding home and…
The thought lingered heavy in my head. It was almost a year since my accident, no it was almost a year since I had made a very rash decision. I processed the thought later that evening. I was in my guest house, Hamish volunteered to help wash the powder out of my hair. In that moment seated at the table leaning over the basin all the thoughts came to me at once.
Last year I was pushing myself to be happy, but I was a sullen little boy being lead around. Where was I a year later? I was in a modest guest house, my handsome suitor washing the powder from my hair after a successful night onstage, tomorrow afternoon I would be playing at a garden party.
The family was behind me, Oxford was behind me, nobility was behind me, a few lingering aches remained in my reality…laudanum remained very much in my reality. The demon was satisfied at last with those few drops I took a day, though it was far from gone.
"You look like you're trying to solve every riddle in the universe," Hamish said.
I pulled myself from my thoughts and chuckled. I nearly came up with a witty reply, though something stopped me. Hamish toweled off my hair, I looked in his eyes and smiled. I wanted to trust him, I wanted to know he truly cared for me. Why not let him in on a little secret?
"I was thinking about Colin's announcement tonight," I said. "Now I'm thinking about what manner of role do I want to play, how much do I want to work on crew and how much do I want more lines. Last year at this time none of that was an option."
Hamish nodded, I took hold of the towel and started drying off my own hair.
"You were getting ready to go to Oxford, weren't you?" he asked.
I simply nodded in response.
"It was a bad time for me, Hamish, a most dark time," I replied. "I didn't want to leave, I thought I was simply fulfilling my duty."
"And that ended well."
I chuckled a bit.
"Indeed," I continued. "It…it didn't begin all that easily either."
"I did hear about the accident," Hamish replied. "Colin and a few others mentioned it to me after you came back. Apparently that nosy brother of yours actually told Colin what happened."
"Yes, and they were a most healing presence at my bedside. It was one of the few times I considered Jacob a decent guy."
That was all before he apparently turned a blind eye to my presence in London. That was another thought that had gone through my mind more than a few times as of late.
"At least he was good for something," Hamish said with a smile.
I snickered back and nodded. His smile slightly relaxed.
"You had a troubled time, but you survived," Hamish said. "I would say you went onto even better things."
"That I did," I responded a small sigh sneaking out. I could just stop here but I didn't want to. "I did survive that whole thing; I was twisted and bruised, laid up and drugged for a while," that last one still rang true, though I held my tongue, "but still survived. The truth of the matter is…" I paused, oh how the hell was I going to say this. "It was a disappointment at the time."
The corners of Hamish's mouth dropped and his eyes slightly widened. I leaned back in my chair, Hamish pulled out another and took a heavy seat. The last bits of reluctance I had to say this were vanishing. I laid the towel on the table and looked at him.
"I was going to take this to my grave, though I want to be able to trust you," I said.
"You can, Grell, you have my word," he replied.
"The truth is…that was not entirely an accident."
He stared at me, a sad yet understanding look on his face.
"I was riding home after my last show," I started. "I was completely drunk at the time, my thoughts were running away from me as I rode. I thought on my situation, my desperation, my lack of control. I thought on my life like a pathetic story: wouldn't it be ironic if I should lose control of my horse, tumble over that hay wagon over there, and break my neck in the fall? What should happen but the first part of that? As for the last part, a loose nail snagging my coat thwarted that end."
"Oh God, Grell," Hamish sighed.
He rose from his seat and went on his knees before me, his arms wrapping around my midsection. I returned his embrace and kissed him on the top of his head.
"I remember feeling disappointed at first, then when I realized I was alive I was more embarrassed," I continued. "I felt like an utter fool for even thinking it. I…" thought of a subject I had kept so hidden for so much longer. Perhaps I could trust Hamish with this as well. "I had a lover in grammar school who took his own life."
Hamish's embrace tightened.
"I remember thinking at the time what a bloody coward he was," I said, my voice cracking. "How dare he leave like that. I felt awful knowing I had just attempted the same thing."
"But you weren't successful," Hamish said into my ear. "God saved you in that moment. That little nail was His hand catching you, telling you it wasn't your time."
I chuckled a bit sarcastically.
"Why in blazes would God want to save me?" I replied. "I haven't done Him any favors."
"Neither have I," Hamish replied. "We're God's unruly children, though I'm sure He's the type of father who loves unconditionally. Besides men set most of the standards on what constitutes as sin."
"Like us being together?"
"Exactly. Love is God's creation and Christ's message."
Still, there were still a few sins on my soul of the kind God would not excuse. I smirked a little at the thought; perhaps Goes does watch out for His children no matter how unruly they become.
"You a religious man, Hamish?" I asked
"Not by any idiot's definition, but I am a believer. And I believe you and I are here for a reason. I survived my ordeal, you survived yours, and we're in each others arms now. This is God's plan, I know this."
I leaned my forehead against his shoulder, his words sinking in deep.
"Do you regret surviving?" he asked.
I shook my head against his shoulder.
"Perhaps God did indeed have a plan for me," I replied.
I doubted His plan included a lot of bloodshed, but perhaps the ends justified the means. Perhaps this was indeed all part of the plan. I had the silly thought through my head that some of this might have been foretold:
"Just wait until next year, he won't disappoint."
Words from a dodgy butcher in a suit. How ironic was it that this turn of events happened this year? I brushed the thought away. Oh Arthur, how I wasn't going to miss you.
I raised my head and looked at Hamish. How lucky a man was I to have him by my side.
"I want to trust you," I said.
"You can," he replied. "You have my confidence."
"On your word."
"On my absolute word."
I gazed at him, hoping everything I heard was absolute sincerity. I so wanted him to be different from every other man in my life, perhaps this was indeed my happiness. I leaned in and kissed him, he kissed me back with calm passion. That moment was paradise to me.
The dark memory was softened from that point on. August closed, September made its start for another year. I celebrated the end of the social season with a generous amount of coin in my pocket. Our schedules lightened up a bit, though there would always be taverns and parties looking for musicians.
"Julius Caesar" ran for an extra two weeks, we had a rather successful run and Colin knew when to keep a good thing going. A week before the end of the show he made the grand announcement, showing us a book with "Twelfth Night" printed on the cover. Already the discussion began on who might go for what role.
"Grell, you know you want to try for Orsinio," George said to me with a little wink. "You're probably aching for more stage time, I can just smell your hunger."
He sniffed the air like a dog, we all laughed at this.
"I don't know, crew life is rather nice," I replied. "You can stammer and spit and not look like a fool."
This conjured a few more laughs, it was a nice way to deflect the conversation. The truth was I didn't know what I wanted part I wanted to go for. I had only seen one production of "Twelfth Night" and barely skimmed over a few pages sometime in ancient history. I read over the script after receiving it to see what characters I might want to play. Did I want to try for a sizable role. By tradition Orsinio would likely go to Hamish or Ephraim, Sir Toby and Malvolio were more likely for George or Sam, though I had a strong shot at either role. Or I could try for something exceedingly minor, a passing servant perhaps. No, I did want a few more scenes, though was I ready to be front and center again?
The real question was what were my current interests and priorities? I had truly enjoyed my backstage work, though I did indeed long for more time onstage. Even if I yearned for more stage time, I was still a bit out of practice. I decided to hand myself to the fates. I prepared Sebastian's speech from the scene in Olivia's garden. Sebastian was a character with few words, if Colin saw fit to cast me higher or lower so be it.
A week later we gathered for the readings. For the first time ever I was actually indifferent walking into an audition. A year ago I would barely be able to sleep awaiting my chance to try for the big role. This time I actually couldn't have cared less what role I got. I believe nerves played a significant part in this; I once approached this task with too much pride, now I confess I suffered from a lack of it. The regular encouragement I received from Hamish and the rest of the company did help me, though by now it was my will alone that would lead to the ultimate ends.
I paid more attention to some excellent recitations than obsessing over my delivery, though I did run through my lines in my head just to make sure. At last my name was called, I got into character, and proceeded to recite my lines. I presented Sebastian as a strong yet naïve youth. I found my delivery was much stronger than I assumed. By the end of the brief speech I was proud of what I did do, the applause I received from my fellows felt wonderful.
Colin did pull me aside later and asked me what I wanted to focus on for the next play. I simply told him I was open for any experience; I was rediscovering my love for the stage all the while finding a great interest in backstage work. After this conversation Colin walked off with a nod, saying he had a clearer vision of how to proceed.
The parts were announced a few days later. Hamish did indeed win the role of Duke Orsinio. I clapped politely with the rest, tossing him a wink. Shannon was Viola, one of the newer girls Miranda moved up a bit to play Olivia. Colin announced Sam would play Sir Toby Belch.
"In the role of Sir Andrew Aguecheek is Mr. Sutcliff…or should I say Mr. Warren," Colin announced.
A wide smile came over my face and I clapped heartily along with everyone else. Sir Andrew is a minor comedic character, but one with some important contributions and a good number of lines. It looked like Colin found a good part to balance my acting and my backstage work, I was most pleased with the decision. The fact Sir Andrew was a bit of an ass held a bit more appeal for me, I looked forward to acting ridiculous.
Hamish and I met later that night and toasted to each others' successes. Hamish had been in a previous production of "Twelfth Night" and explained a few different methods actors had used for Sir Andrew. Our conversation was periodically interrupted by deep kisses, eventually we just stopped talking altogether.
Hands were roaming everywhere, though I followed his lead in keeping a measure of restraint. Sitting on his lap I could feel he was a bit anxious, though both of us we just enjoying these moments with each other. We parted an hour or so later, I was flushed with bliss yet crestfallen when he took his leave at last.
A week later we were donning our togas for the last time and I was putting the final walls and tables in place for "Julius Caesar." I recalled how melancholy I was at the end of "Hamlet" last year, now at the end of "Julius Caesar" I was elated, optimistic perhaps. This show had been such a delightful experience, I only wanted more.
At the end I walked out with everyone for our final curtain call. A thunder of claps and cheers greeted us. I looked right into the audience and saw standing figures and smiling faces. I wasn't afraid to look into the crowd now like I had been before. We then linked hands and did the final bow, soon we were walking offstage.
I did join everyone for the final party, insisting I wouldn't get drunk. I asked everyone to keep an eye on me and pull me away if I looked to get a bit flushed. I actually had no desire to drink too much when I was there, here I was in a state of pure happiness with friends. All the insecurities and worries I had early on were nigh on gone. My fellows did make some jokes about counting every sip I took. I made some bad joke and got a crack of, "Sounds like you're getting a bit too happy, you need to watch that," followed by a tap on the wrist. I walked out of the pub feeling spirited and went to my own house on my own power. I suppose one does appreciate good company more when not wasted.
Hamish and I enjoyed a few prosperous nights at some higher end alehouses, then we would return to either of our homes and help each other study our lines. Eventually the books would go down for some lovely snogging. By now shirts were coming off and hands were wandering to intimate areas, though through clothing. Neither of us made any significant discussions or grand announcements about when we finally would know each other in a Biblical way. To me it seemed as if we were taking things at a natural pace. Even as I found myself finishing my own task after he left, I was willing to wait for him however long.
Rehearsals for "Twelfth Night" got underway. Colin and Elias went over some ideas for sets and props. As the principals started their rehearsals, I stayed nice and busy setting things up. It felt so good to start such a project fresh. I knew almost every one of these sets would have my touch in some way. After a few days it was my time to bring Sir Andrew to life. I had a good part of my lines learned and had a good feel for his character. Colin encouraged me to improvise in many places and I did. This was indeed the art of comedic timing and learning it was most enjoyable.
Sir Andrew was a fun character to play. A week into rehearsals I was bringing out my more carefree spirit. It was so nice to do this for a good cause other than pissing someone off. I was hearing choking laughter during my scenes, this just lead me to play it up a bit more. Georgia and I put together a nice costume; it was so colorful and ridiculous. I found this floppy blue hat that went perfectly with everything. It was also big enough to cover my hair; my hair was a bit longer and easier to put in a ponytail, I just stuffed it in the hat and it was perfect for cover.
School term would be in full swing by the time we took the stage and there would be no more threat of the Chamberlain brats. Thankfully I heard nothing from them at all, though I still erred on the side of caution. I wanted to wait a while before revealing more of myself.
A few days after this fitting, Hamish and I were in his apartment doing a little practicing. Near the end of the night he mentioned he had signed us up for a rather lucrative private party on Sunday night.
"Are you familiar with Lady Marigold?" he asked, I noticed a small hint of a smile when he said this.
I scoured my memory though came up with nothing.
"I can't say I've heard the name," I replied.
"Such a pity," he said with a slight shake of the head. "She's such a grand lady, she's a friend of mine and a regular patron. We will be playing for her guests, though don't bother bringing the wig. I doubt anyone of any noble persuasion would be caught dead mingling with this crowd."
This sounded promising. Hamish assured me I was in for a good night with fun company.
Sunday was one of our last dress rehearsals before the play opened on Thursday. I took off my costume and left in high spirits, the thought of going to such a promising gathering after this made me giddier, though I tried to temper the thought with realism. As we arranged, Hamish and I went to our respective homes to change into something smart and get our instruments.
We met in Grosvenor Square around half past 9, Hamish was all smiles though he was being rather coy about details. I followed him to this lovely townhouse off some side streets, he told me he would do all the talking. We entered the building then went down a series of steps that lead to a door on a lower level. He knocked on the door, then reached in his pocket and produced an envelope. A small slit on the door opened up, he slid the envelope in, and a moment later I heard a lock unlatch and the door opened.
Hamish walked in, I followed behind him. We walked into a dark space lit with only a few wall sconces. A uniformed doorman lead us down the hallway, a key in hand. He then put the key in one door in the hallway and opened it, nodding to us as we walked in. This was all so exciting, that was like all the illicit parties I had gone to in my old life. I heard plenty of voices and music, I knew we were in for some fun.
We walked into a brightly lit room. Sure enough I saw lots of dancing, lots of drinking, lots of kissing. I knew immediately this was one of those fun parties. Then I looked to the side to see two men sitting on a couch in each other's arms kissing rather openly. My mouth slightly dropped, then I saw two older lords walking past hand-in-hand. A lady in a grand dress spoke beside me, her voice unmistakably male.
I could only stand and gawk at every scene all around me. All around I saw men in grand dresses and tall wigs, men kissing, a few shirts open, some hands wandering to intimate areas. It was just like that private party Jacob got me into, though much bigger, much louder, and far less refined. I looked over at Hamish who I saw staring at me with a bemused look. A wide grin came over his face.
"A bit taken aback, are you," he said. "Can I guess you've never been to a molly house? Have you even heard of one?"
A molly house? I shook my head, what the hell was a molly house? Was this it? Why the hell had I never heard of these places? I had gone my whole life not knowing about something so glorious.
Hamish smiled wide, then grabbed me by the collar and kissed me hard. I drew back at first out of habit, then I took a few more looks around. There was nothing to fear here, everyone was of the same persuasion; there was no need for hiding. I took a breath and chuckled, then grabbed the back of Hamish's neck and kissed him. My whole body tingled, this was the greatest feeling I had ever known.
"Ah young love," a male voice with a high inflection said beside us.
We broke the kiss and looked over. Standing before us was a large figure in a bright auburn dress. He…no she I suppose wore a tall wig powdered yellow and so much make-up.
"My lady," Hamish said, taking her large hand and kissing her diamond ring.
"Oh Mr. Quinton, how splendid of you to come," she said. "And this, this must be your new flame."
"Gregory, ma'am," I said with a bow.
She offered me her hand and I kissed her ring in turn.
"Gregory, this is the mistress of the house, my ladyship this is my special man," Hamish said.
He took hold of my hand and kissed it, I tossed his ponytail over his shoulder.
"Oh he's so very handsome, such lovely hair," Lady Marigold cooed, running fingers through my hair. Then she took hold of my shoulder, taking Hamish's with her other hand. "Now you two, work first, snog later."
She pushed us away and went to another group of lovely "ladies" in colorful dresses.
Hamish and I got our instruments out and tuned up, then we stood on this small stage and started to play. I looked out and saw all these lovely couples dancing together. Hands were linked and feet flew off the floor during lively numbers, arms went around each other and heads rested on shoulders during slower pieces. Partners sometimes traded off, some partners would dance with the same person the whole time. I wanted to weep in joy, I was so happy to be in this place.
We played for nearly a couple hours, then we took our final bows to happy applause. We walked offstage, put our instruments in their cases, and took to the floor to mingle with the crowd. We got so many compliments on our playing, I hadn't played for a crowd that seemed so appreciative. Eventually a lady in a grand dress took the stage and sang opera selections in a beautiful tenor.
Hamish and I took hands and danced together. I pressed my body against his, he rested his head on mine, we were a regular couple here. Sometimes we got into conversations around the room. I learned quickly the ladies were just that here, bowing and hand kissing like a good gentleman was only polite. I wore a nice suit, but I felt so naked. I eyed all these gorgeous dresses.
My lady was screaming in jealousy, she wanted to come out so badly. I promised her that would happen. Now I truly regretted leaving behind my red gown. I would have another one, I promised myself that. Someday soon I would be walking around this place in such grand splendor, gentlemen would treat me with such chivalry.
Hamish and I grew closer as the evening progressed. We kissed, we ran hands though each other's hair, I nibbled on his neck at one point. Hamish lightly pulled back, then looked down at me.
"You know her ladyship has some fine guest rooms," he said in my ear, the tip of his tongue flicking my earlobe.
We stared at each other in a moment of silent knowing. I smiled wide.
"Lead on," I said.
Hamish grabbed my hand and lead me across the room. He found the mistress of the house and whispered in her ear, handing her a few coins. She looked at him and grinned, then slipped him a key and pointed down the hallway. Hamish took my hand again, then kissed my fingers before leading me down the brightly-papered hall. We reached a room near the back wall, Hamish took out the key and put it in the door, opening it and yanking me in.
The room was a little small, but very nicely furnished. Hamish lit a small lamp on the table, then looked at me. I gazed back, then put my hands on his shoulder.
"It's been three months, hasn't it?" I said.
He nodded.
"I will follow your lead," he said, kissing me. "Whatever you desire, whatever you are ready for."
I kissed his cheek, then kissed down his jaw; my fingers undoing the buttons on his shirt.
It was a slow process, though a beautiful one. Buttons were undone methodically, clothing removed with caresses instead of yanks. Trousers were saved for last; we both agreed to have the final reveal at the same time. Simultaneously we undid each other's trouser buttons, pulled down trousers, then grabbed hold of the band of each other's underclothes. We actually did a count of three then gently pulled them down, revealing ourselves to each other at last.
We took a moment to look at each other's secrets. He was a little small, though he was still Hamish. My hand gently wrapped around his flesh, his hand softly caressed mine. Soon we were both completely nude in front of each other. Bodies rubbed together, hands were going everywhere, lips and tongues met flesh. A few words where shared on how we liked to be touched and what we did not enjoy.
We ended up on the soft bed; exploring each other, pleasuring each other. At last we were ready for the ultimate moment. The position was my choice, I laid back on the mattress and motioned for him to take part. There was plenty of oil available in the room, he carefully oiled himself, then methodically prepared me.
"You don't have to be so careful, I'm not exactly a pure maiden," I said.
"I'd rather show my lady some courtesy," he replied, kissing me and continuing his work.
He positioned himself over me, his waiting cock in his hand. He looked down at me, I caressed his chest.
"Are you ready?" he asked.
I nodded with a smile. He nodded back, then gently slid in; I let out a happy sigh. He took a soft grip on my shoulders and began a slow thrust. I raised my hindquarters up and took hold of his hips, tightening my muscles slightly and feeling so much more. His pace was wonderful, he started with great care then sped up a bit. He just knew the perfect places to touch me and make me cry out. We caressed each other's bodies, I savored the feeling of his soft, sweat-slicked flesh against mine.
I lay my head against the pillow and closed my eyes, savoring this perfect moment. I then opened my lids, seeing this beautiful man making love to me. We gazed at each other, I saw a wide smile over his face. His thrust grew stronger, I felt my muscles tightening. Hard moans escaped both of us, hands caressed slick flesh. He let out a hard grunt and I felt him release, the way he ran his hands down my chest prompted my own final moment.
We kept our position for a moment, our bodies trembling.
"Thank you for this," I whispered.
Hamish caressed my cheek and smiled. He withdrew, then collapsed beside me. My arms wrapped around him and we gently kissed. In that moment the world was utterly perfect.
