Here it is...the next to the last chapter. Yup, you heard me. After this one, there's only one more lovely chapter to this monster of a fic. Thank you to everyone who's been along for the ride, and hello! to all the new readers. A special thank you goes to Tracey450 for keeping me going. Helping you with your stories is a lot of fun and feeds my muse.
"Comman-Steve, are you here about your mother?" Max shuffled some papers and got up from his desk. "I can take care of her arrangements."
Steve did not mince words. "I want an autopsy, Max. Before - "
"You do." The ME nodded, and then repeated his words as if confirming more to himself.. "You do. Then after the autopsy, we can proceed with plans for her final- If you know what she-"
Max didn't finish the sentence, unsure if he'd overstepped his bounds. Steve chewed ever the slightest on his bottom lip and exhaled a little louder then planned.
After a few seconds, he reached out and squeezed the ME's shoulder. His voice tender. "Thanks, Max. I'll have to get back to you. I appreciate everything you've done."
"Well, we're ohana." Max smiled.
"That's right." Steve's smile was warm, but brief. He was right back to business. "Please give me a full report by the end of the day."
Max sobered to match Steve's demeanor. "Yes, of course."
Pausing, he looked at the floor for a second, gathering resolve. "You have concerns, Steve?"
Max was spot on as usual. Steve never failed to be impressed with his colleague. "Yes, Max, I do."
"The ballistics." There was no question.
Steve's face hardened. He didn't bother to hide the flash of pain. "Yes."
"Most of the slugs recovered from Detective Williams were from the same weapons Agent Kipton's men were carrying. The one that grazed his back and the one recovered from your-"
"Not even close." Steve growled.
"So you believe that-"
"Max, please. I gotta go." He checked his watch. He had to pick Danny up in about an hour. "Let me know what you find. Only me."
"Sure thing. I'll get right on that." Max walked around his desk. He stopped and softened again. "Condolences, Commander, about your mother."
Steve nodded and left the ME to his task.
/././
Danny watched the waves, leaning heavily on his cane. The beach was littered with debris from the recent storms. Reminded him of his own life. He didn't know what pieces to pick up and what to let go.
"How did you make it down here this far, Danno? I know you gotta be hurtin, buddy."
Steve's voice drifted to him on the breeze. He turned slightly and smiled at his friend. It felt so good to be there with him.
He'd been released from the hospital after three days. Long days, if you asked him. Now he was free. The ocean breeze never felt so good on his face. The salt air never so invigorating.
It felt odd to be happy. Relieved maybe more so. His wounds would heal with time and some therapy. He was lucky.
How did he get so lucky?
Danny couldn't shake the lingering remnants of a moment that had haunted him for years. A regret-filled memory echoed in his head.
You either shoot me, or you say good-bye.
"I never got to say good-bye." He'd needed to say the words out loud for a long time.
Not sure if he should answer, Steve simply listened as he stood beside his best friend.
"If I'd shot my brother-"
Now he couldn't remain silent. "Danny...you can't go down that road."
"I'm so sorry, Steve."
"Danny, sorry? What? Did I say anything was your fault?" He didn't like the tone of his own voice, so he paused for a few seconds. "Please just come back to the house."
"Your mother. I never meant-"
"Whoa, hey. This is not your fault. We've already been over this."
"It all comes down to decisions I made." He shook his head, eyes pinched shut. "Or the ones I didn't make."
"You're not the only one in this, Danny." Steve reached out, hesitant to touch his friend. "We all make decisions every day. Matt sealed his fate when he got on that plane. Doris-" He had to stop and collect himself for a moment. "Doris made her choices a long time ago. She chose that life."
"Still doesn't make it not my fault."
"Now you're not making sense. Come on, let's go inside? When's the last time you really slept?"
"I should be asking you that question. I'm the one who caught a few Zs against my will at the hospital."
"I slept when you did."
"Sure, I believe you. The bags under your eyes could open their own luggage joint." Danny chuckled and Steve melted a little bit, his posture relaxed.
He walked a few steps before he realized Danny wasn't following.
"I can't let Grace see me like this."
"Hey, she's a tough kid. She knows you're hurting."
Danny nodded and closed his eyes for a few seconds before continuing.
"I miss my baby brother, Steve." Danny shook with the effort it took to remain on his feet. Besides being exhausted, his ribs were killing him. "I miss him so much it hurts."
"I know, buddy. I know you do." Steve threw his arm around his best friend. "Lean on me. We could both use some shut eye. In a real bed. Come on, let me help you."
Danny nodded and let his partner lead him back to the house.
/././
The man at his door had that distinct air of government bureaucracy about him. Expensive suit and shoes. Hair cut just so. Average height, so not imposing.
"Can I help you?" Steve frowned, keeping his voice stern. He was in no mood for questions.
"Yes. I'm here on official business."
Steve didn't move to let him into the house. Instead, he joined the man on the porch.
"What's this about?"
"Your mother, Commander, she left instructions."
"Instructions?" The word was lost on Steve.
Danny stepped in, pain lines gone from his face as he focused on the stranger in front of them. "Do you mean a will?"
"In a manner of speaking, yes." The man held out a thick envelope. "This is for your eyes only, Commander McGarrett."
Steve just stared, mouth slack. Then his eyes darted to Danny. A silent plea.
"I'll take that." Danny grabbed the envelope.
"But I have-"
"Specific instructions, I know. You said that already. Just back off, okay. Give the guy a minute. His mother died. For real this time."
Danny studied the envelope but didn't open it.
"So do you need anything else?" Danny squared his shoulders, placing himself between the guy and his best friend. "Because now is not a good time."
"No, uh that's it. Unless Commander McGarrett has questions. Oh and sign here."
Steve made no move to do anything. Danny watched his partner for a few seconds, noting how pale he'd suddenly become.
"Steve?" He kept his voice soft. Steve barely twitched. "Go. I got this."
Ever one to follow orders, Steve nodded and disappeared into the house without a word or glance at the hapless messenger.
Danny took the pen and signed his partner's name. "I'm sure he will have questions, but not for you. So please, could you just leave?"
"Here's my card. Just in case." The guy cleared his throat. "This sort of thing can be very complicated and I-"
"You just don't give up, do you?" Danny poked the man in the shin with his cane. "I asked you to leave. Nicely. Don't make me use this."
Danny didn't have to ask twice. Smiling, he watched the dark SUV pull away from the house. When he went back inside, he found Steve sitting on the couch, eyes closed.
"I know I said I was okay with this."
"Babe, your mom died. There's no way you're okay." Danny sat beside his friend, putting his arm on the couch behind Steve.
Steve leaned his head back. "Thanks, Danny."
They didn't say anything for a few minutes. Each one just absorbing the moment. Danny still held the letter in his free hand. He tapped it on his leg.
Steve's next breath was hitched and it was obvious he was holding back. With a more controlled exhale, he opened his eyes, but didn't turn to look at Danny.
"I can't open it."
"Okay, we won't open it then."
"That sounds so silly. I mean, we're adults."
Danny chewed on his bottom lip and shook his head. "Steve..."
"Don't say it, Danny. I know she's dead. I know people expect me to be a certain way."
"I don't, babe."
"Everyone but you." Steve shot Danny the slightest smile. "It's always you. That's why- if I - if you didn't come back-"
"Hey, you don't have to say anything. I get it. I'd be the same if something happened to you."
Steve nodded and studied Danny for a few seconds. "You really should use your sling. You know that, right?"
Danny chuckled, giving his partner about half an eye roll before wincing, a hand protectively held across his chest. "Yea, I know that. My whole body needs one."
Steve pulled a knife from his pocket, motioning toward the envelope. "May as well rip the scab off."
Danny wrinkled his nose. "I do believe the correct word is bandaid. You rip the bandaid off. Not scabs."
Steve shrugged. "Sometimes things need to bleed."
"Okay that's a morbid thing to say."
"Blood letting is still a health practice -"
Danny raised his voice a little. "In backwards countries. Maybe other places, but not here."
Knowing the argument could continue for hours since they could reduce each other to bickering eight year olds, Steve grabbed the envelope from his friend and sliced it open with little fanfare.
"Finally." Danny groaned.
Steve skimmed the top sheet of the packet of papers. Danny did his best not to eavesdrop.
"Get this to Max. He wanted to know about Doris's final wishes." He handed the papers to Danny.
"This is recent. She must have-" He stopped short. "Steve, hey. I'm sorry."
"Stop saying you're sorry, Danny, before I deck you again."
Both men looked at the pictures on the wall. One of them was still cracked and slightly askew. After another minute or two, Steve got up from the couch and left the room.
/././
"Mary!" He had to yell into his phone because of the wind on his end and what sounded like traffic on her end. "Mary, it's Danny!"
"Danny, is everything alright?" He could hear horns and shouting. Mary sounded out of breath. "Call you right back."
He ended the call and leaned against the wall. God he hoped he hadn't just caused an accident. He wasn't sure he should be calling her or not. This was something a brother should do. But as he watched Steve through the window, Danny knew in his guts that he was doing the right thing.
Seconds later she was back. "Danny I'm in New York. Is everything alright?"
New York? Why was she in New York? "No Mary, I'm sorry."
"Oh my God, is Steve okay?"
Shit, wrong lead-in. "Yes he's fine."
"Well that means he's terrible, but what ever. Why are you calling, Danny? You okay?"
He was kinda chuffed that she cared. Theirs was an odd friendship. "Yes, -"
"Let me guess, you're fine too, right?" She laughed and he could hear Joanie giggle in the background.
"Mary, it's your mom."
"Is Doris finally dead?" Her tone told him she meant it as a joke. Mary had never fully reconciled with Doris.
He cleared his throat, suddenly overcome with emotion. The image of Doris dying in the hot sun assaulted him.
"Danny..."
She knew.
"Mary, can you come to Hawaii?"
"Danny, I don't-"
"Steve needs you, Mar."
"I'm here for another week. For work." She was quiet for a few seconds. He listened to the sounds of the city in the background. "I'll try, but I can't promise."
"Okay, Mary. But call me first, please?"
"Tell Steve I love him, okay?"
And she was gone. Danny had no clue what to tell Steve. He was sure he'd get a lecture or a 1000 yard glare just for being presumptuous and calling Mary in the first place. It really was something a brother should do.
But Danny knew. He'd done the right thing.
/././
Steve sat alone at the table, finger tracing a mark in the finish. His chest tightened, stabs of pain making it tough to breathe for a second. His mother had drugged him. He'd hit his head on this very table. Just days ago.
He'd gone so many years thinking she was dead. Then she wasn't. Now she was. It made him dizzy.
Part of him felt like he could just hang on to her being out there somewhere. Working for the CIA. Running black ops. But alive and not lying on a slab at the ME's office.
Maybe he could forget. Just wipe the last few years from his memory. His mom had been killed in a car accident. That was easy enough to pretend.
Until he broke just a little and pictured her making tea in this kitchen. He flexed his fist and remembered the stiffness from hitting her. He'd knocked his own mother cold. So much had happened in such a short time.
Slowing his breathing, he fought to calm himself. His head pounded, and his eyes burned. Steve was exhausted.
He desperately wanted life to get back to normal. And things were headed in that direction. Except for Danny staying with him. But that was okay; Steve enjoyed the company. And he loved Grace being around too. Her positive energy did them all good.
Kono, Chin and Lou had already gone back to work on a new case. Once Danny was cleared, he'd be back on the job, too. Steve was mostly dragging his feet, claiming bereavement leave because he didn't want to let his best friend out of his sight.
His mind spun with too many thoughts. Then a soft, sweet voice pulled him out of his misery.
"I heard about your mom."
He looked up from his beer. Grace stood in front of him in her school uniform. All innocent and bright eyes. She'd gone back to school without complaint.
"I'm sorry." She touched his arm. "Do you miss her?"
What could he say? Steve didn't want Grace to know the terrible things his mother had done. So he nodded. And the tightness in his chest loosened just a bit.
She wrapped herself around him and kissed the side of his head. "We'll take care of you, Uncle Steve."
This made him smile, and he leaned into her. It was then that he caught sight of Danny in the doorway. One hand protectively holding his ribs, watching them. Overwhelmed, Steve couldn't stop the tears.
/././
"He'll be okay, Grace."
She wasn't convinced. Steve sobbing in her arms had been a little too much for her.
"I'm sorry he scared you. He needs to sleep."
When she still didn't say anything, he pulled her closer. She remained stiff in his arms.
"What's wrong?"
"I don't want to hurt you."
"We've been over this before." He smoothed her hair.
"When you're taking care of Uncle Steve, who will take care of you?"
"What?" He pushed away and looked into her eyes. The weight of that innocent question almost broke him. "We take care of each other, Grace. And you're here."
She shrugged away from him. "I don't think I can help."
Danny held on, not letting her go. "Yes you can."
"How, Danno?"
"Just by being here. When Uncle Steve comes back downstairs, let's order pizza and watch a movie. Normal stuff. Let him talk if he wants to."
She looked a little more hopeful.
"Everybody grieves in their own way, Monkey. It's okay to be sad."
"Like you with Uncle Matty?"
"Yea, that's right. I know you miss him, too. Don't be afraid to talk about him, okay? We have some great memories."
Grace frowned. "But Uncle Steve can't talk about his mom that way."
Danny was stunned by her comment. He didn't know what to say.
"I know they didn't always get along. And she pretended to be dead for a long time."
"Grace, how did you? When? What did you-" He'd forever be amazed at how easily his daughter could reduce him to a babbling idiot.
Right then she reminded him of Rachel. "I hear things, Dad. You forget. The walls are thin around here."
"And you have hearing like a bat. Just like your mother." Danny nudged her.
She grinned.
"I'll go check on him. Stay down here, okay?"
/././
Steve hadn't meant to scare Grace, but her innocent gesture had cracked him open, and now he was having trouble holding it together. He could hear Danny scolding him already. It was okay to cry. Showing emotion was normal. Humans did it every day. And Grace would understand.
The paperwork with his mother's wishes had been so sterile and without feeling. Just a laundry list of what to do with her assets and her - he could barely even think the word remains. She'd planned this out and left it all up to him.
He couldn't breathe for a few seconds. He was a goddamn Navy SEAL. Why couldn't he deal with this?
Doris was really dead this time. Good riddance.
And while he'd seen it with his own eyes, her death still didn't compute on some levels.
Suddenly he was a boy again, missing his mom. He pushed stubbornly back against all those emotions. The pain, disappointment, anger and grief. He stuffed them where ever he could, wanting them gone. They didn't help his situation.
People joked about his many compartments. What they didn't know was how important that ability was for his very survival. It wasn't that he didn't feel anything - as Danny often stated. No, it was the opposite. Steve felt things deeply, so much so that it hurt physically.
He shook with the effort it took not to cry again. He'd done enough, upsetting Grace so much she'd cried too. God he thought Danny would punch him.
But his best friend had simply ushered him up the steps, telling him to get some rest. He'd check on him. Grace would be fine.
Steve sat on the edge of the bed, fingers digging into the soft layers. He wanted to lie back and sleep, but his world wouldn't stop spinning.
There was a soft knock on his bedroom door. He knew immediately who it was.
Danny.
If Doris hadn't faked her death, he never would have met Danny. Where would he be without him?
Another knock and this time a voice. "Steve, I'm coming in."
No question. No asking for permission. It seemed to be a thing in their friendship.
The door swung slowly open, and Danny just stood there for a few seconds. The fond look on his face made it even tougher for Steve to keep it together. He plowed ahead, words bubbling up without much thought. Like he was on autopilot.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare Gracie."
"She'll be fine. It's okay."
He processed Danny's response and continued with his mental check list.
"I should call Mary."
"Done."
Steve became a solid wall for a flash and then he softened. "You called her?"
Danny didn't hesitate. He'd done the right thing. "I called her."
"Then I should call Max."
"I'll do that, too."
"Danny..."
"Steven..."
"Hey, I didn't Daniel you."
"Stop it. We don't have to do this." Danny gently waved his hand between them.
Steve nodded and then just started shaking. He covered his mouth to hold back a sob.
"Aw come on, babe. Just let it out."
"Danny, I can't do this."
"Babe, all you have to do right now is lie down and try to sleep."
Steve looked at Danny like he'd grown two heads. How could he possibly sleep? He couldn't control his breathing and he was seriously close to puking. Sleep was not happening any time soon.
"Hey, look at me, babe. We'll get through this together, huh?"
Danny was suddenly beside him, rubbing his back. "You gonna break your streak? Cause I can get you a waste basket or hold your hair. Whatever."
Surprised and a little amused by the comment, Steve chuckled. His best friend always knew the right thing to say.
