This story would be nowhere without my wonderful betas, Sherry and Paige! Thank you, guys!
"You must treat your lover girl right
If you wanna make lover's rock
You must know a place you can kiss
To make lover's rock"
-The Clash-
EPOV:
I've never felt so at peace before. It truly feels as if everything in my life is just as it's supposed to be. I have my parents, my real mom who loves me, my beautiful fiancée, and my incredible son who grows even more amazing every day. Everything feels right and I finally feel as though I truly know myself. I'm Edward Cullen, son of Carlisle Cullen and Esme Platt, future husband of Bella Swan, and father to Charlie Cullen. Meeting with my mom has given me this incredible surge of confidence all because she loved me.
I always thought that I had to work for everyone's love. I believed that because I was a major fuck-up, that it caused me to work harder than most to earn someone's affections or even their friendship. However, now that I have time to really fucking think about it, maybe that isn't true. Esme's immediate love caused me to think about my other relationships, which made me realize how many people did love me…or at least fucking care about me. I'd always brushed shit off and told myself people only loved me because they had to, or I even told myself they had shit taste when it came to people. I don't know why I did that to myself, or to them for that matter. I'd dismissed their love because I felt unworthy, or some shit like that. Although, when I think of it, there are so many people who actually do love me. At least, a lot by my standards.
Charlie loved me the moment I was introduced to him. Back then, I told myself it was because he was a baby who didn't know better, but now that I think of it, he didn't have to love me, but he did. Bella instantly became my friend, and it hadn't taken long for us to fall in love. I thought our relationship was pure luck, and I'd always worried that one day she would come to her senses and leave me. However, Bella loved me more than I ever thought possible. My dad has loved me before I was even born, and no number of fuck-ups has changed that. Esme—my mom—has loved me unconditionally for all these years. I can't believe I've lived for so many years thinking I was completely fucking unlovable.
With my newfound confidence, I feel like a better fiancé and father. I feel more open and self-assured, and it's made everything in my life so much better. I'm finally able to start loving myself. I hadn't fucking realized until now, how my self-hatred has affected my relationships. I couldn't love anyone as much as they deserved because I didn't fucking love myself. I'm nowhere near perfect, but I know I'm getting better. Now, I can truly be fucking happy.
I've spent my whole fucking day at work with a giant grin on my face. I can't wipe it off and it makes my cheeks ache. My positive attitude must be contagious, because all the guys are fucking happy too. I grab a bite to eat with my co-workers because I'm feeling more social than usual and even picked up a bouquet of roses for my girl on my way home. Bella does a double-take when she sees me walk through the door with the flowers and a shit-eating grin on my face. Was I really that fucking brooding before? She always seems so shocked to see me smiling that I wonder if I'd been moping around like an emo teenager.
"Hey, baby!" I kick the front door shut and cross the room to wrap my arms around her curvy frame.
God, I want her right now. Fuck, the things I could do to her. Her body feels so fucking amazing in my hands and I want to rip her clothes off, bend her over the couch, and fuck her until she can barely walk. The thought makes my cock hard and I have to reach down to adjust myself through my jeans. I can't help but rub my erection against her stomach in the process. She's just so fucking hot, how can I resist?
"Da da!" Charlie squeals.
The voice of my little boy is like a bucket of cold water and I stare down at my little cockblocker as he tugs on my pant leg. His smile is infectious and I give Bella a quick kiss before handing her the bouquet and reaching for my son.
"He's been missing you all day," Bella tells me with a smile, before going to the kitchen to retrieve a vase.
As she digs around my kitchen cabinets to find one, a thought hits me that I don't know why I hadn't considered sooner. Why the fuck don't we live together? We've dated long enough and we're engaged for fuck's sake. So why the fuck are we still living separately? I suppose I've just had a ton of shit on my mind and since she's over here so much, it's like she already lives here. Bella finally finds the one vase I have, which was a gift for Elizabeth that she ended up not wanting, and fills it with water.
"I was thinking," I awkwardly begin as I walk into the kitchen, bouncing Charlie in my arms. "I was thinking, maybe…if you want, you could move in with me. Or I could move in with you? I don't know, but I think it would be cool to live together. I know we're neighbors right now…but, I'd love it if you moved in." I stop, finally tired of stammering like a lovesick idiot.
Her eyes are wide and I can't tell what the fuck she is thinking. Is she happy with my proposal? I mean, why wouldn't she be? We're engaged after all.
"I'd love that," she finally says, with a reassuring smile. "Actually, I was thinking, we could get a house nearby. There's a few available in my sister's neighborhood that are reasonably priced. I could afford it with my salary alone, so I know that we would have more than enough money. It's just a thought, but I think we could be really happy there."
Fuck, I've never considered getting a house. However, the idea of having a house with a wife and son, does sound pretty incredible. The thought of buying a home always felt so fucking permanent. I suppose it's because the amount of money I made, it fucking would be. I'd be paying off a home into my fucking sixties. Besides that, I never liked a place enough to stay for very long. I was always moving from place to place because I couldn't fucking commit to anything. However, I could commit to one place for the rest of my life if it meant I would be with Bella.
"We can check them out," I say, as soon as I'm finished mulling it over.
"What is it?" She asks, sensing my tension.
"It's nothing," I say with a chuckle. "I just never thought I would be a homeowner."
"Well, there's no rush," she tells me. "My lease is up at the end of the year, so we have another month and a half to consider it."
"That sounds great," I honestly say.
It does sound great. Hell, if she could afford it by herself, that makes me feel a hell of a lot better.
"There is one I do like," she continues to say. "It's a one story with a nice basement. It has three bedrooms, so Charlie can have his pick."
Three bedrooms…I wonder if Bella wants another baby. God, my stomach drops at the thought. I'm sure she can see the fear on my face, because she starts to giggle. It's not that I don't want a baby with Bella, because I do, just not right now. Hell, if I didn't have Charlie already, I'm not sure if I'd want a baby at all. Charlie's just so awesome, that he managed to change my mind. The thought of Bella pregnant doesn't turn my stomach or any shit like that, it just makes me incredibly nervous.
"Breathe, Edward," Bella giggles. She places the trimmed roses in the vase before crossing the room to give me a reassuring kiss.
"Do you want more kids?" I ask. I can hear my voice fucking shake as the question leaves my mouth.
She gives me a small smile and says, "Well, I always thought about having one or two."
One or two! Fuck, could I really manage to be a dad to a bunch of kids?
"Two…including Charlie?" I stutter.
A teasing grin appears on her face and she says, "Well, I was thinking two children in addition to Charlie."
Fuck, I feel like I'm going to pass out.
"Not now of course." She chuckles. "I'm just talking about in the future." I still look horrified so she adds. "In the very distant future."
"Until then we can just practice," I say with a very relieved laugh.
"You're right, Charlie is good practice."
"Well, that's not exactly what I meant," I say with a smirk.
Her eyes widen with realization and I can't help but give her a wink. "We can practice making that baby tonight if you want," I casually suggest, trying hard to keep the smirk off my face.
She giggles and smacks my shoulder, which causes Charlie to giggle as well. "God, Edward. You're always horny," she teases me.
"Well, I have a beautiful fiancée. So, I can't exactly help it."
Bella smiles at my compliment and rises to her tiptoes to press her lips against mine. I don't get to kiss her for long, before Charlie whines and grabs at my face until I finally end the kiss. He's holding onto my cheek and giving me a look that says, "What the fuck, dad! Pay attention to me! I'm cuter than her." I roll my eyes at him and he giggles at me. I give his forehead a kiss, which is enough to satisfy his need for attention for now.
"It will be nice to give Charlie a big bedroom filled with tons of toys and books," I say as I stare at my son.
I can imagine it now. My little boy running around the house and playing in a big backyard. Maybe the extra room could allow us to get a dog for Charlie as well. Just thinking about it all puts a fucking grin on my face. I can give my son more than I ever imagined I could in the past.
"That would be nice," Bella says softly, as she watches us.
I can't believe this. I'm a father, I'm getting married, and I'm possibly buying a home. It's everything I never thought I wanted, and yet, now that I have it I couldn't be happier.
A/N: Awe, isn't he cute when he's not sad? Please review
Song- "Lover's Rock" by The Clash.
