Chapter 51

Decisions

Kagome felt lost. Her entire world had fallen away from her, melting into something she was sure was a nightmare. It was the worst nightmare she had ever experienced, and she really wanted to wake up.

She sat in the middle of two large futons, a body on each one. Perhaps if she thought of the beings as nothing more than flesh and bones the internal pain she felt would subside. No such luck. Even if she screamed at herself, she couldn't not acknowledge just who had fallen.

On the left lay her friend and guard, Amadeus. Someone who was so carefree, who wasn't scared to show his emotions or speak his mind, even while in the presence of royalty. He was true to himself, not changing for anyone.

He was a trusted friend, and Kagome very well may lose him.

Even though that knowledge was painful, there was no way she could even begin to explain the pain she felt at seeing the male to the right. The very being that has never once kneeled for anyone other than her unborn pup. The being that has saved her on many occasions, even putting his own life at risk.

The very being who everyone thought would never fall.

Lord Sesshomaru of the West, and her mate.

Their breathing was shallow, almost nonexistent. There were a few times her mind would get the better of her and she would think that it had stopped all together. Mikio or Shippo would have to be the one who calmed her down, reminding her that they were still alive and just needed rest to heal.

It only worked the smallest amount. She clung to their words, taking the comfort that they offered, but it was useless. In the back of her mind, there was always a voice. A voice yelling that they wouldn't heal. That, soon, very soon, they would both pass.

Amadeus would go first. He was weaker than her lord, therefore unable to fight that damned poison like Sesshomaru was. Either way, though, she would lose both of them, and there was nothing she could do.

No matter what she thought of, she couldn't come up with a way to save them. Scenario after scenario would play through her head, all ending up being worthless. There would always be some way that her plan would fail, or make matters worse.

She hardly left their sides. It had been days. No change had been seen in the males until earlier this morning…and they weren't getting better. No, they were getting steadily worse. Their breathing had slowed. The tiny bit of twitching that had been present in their fingers was gone. Even their perfect skin had taken a milky-white tone, being almost transparent.

They didn't have much time left.

After Shippo's illusion had worn off, it had taken quite a bit of time for her to calm down enough not to be restrained. Eventually, they were forced to call on Miroku, and he had binded her reiki, making her unable to use it. She was much stronger than him so it had only lasted an hour or so, but it had been enough.

Mikio and Eiichi were able to explain that she had stopped the poison and that, now, it was up to the males whether they survived or not. Thanks to her, they just needed to heal. While it helped Kagome to calm down, she still blamed herself for them getting hurt anyway. If she hadn't asked to leave the shiro, nothing would have happened.

Once the binding wore off, and everyone was sure she was under control, orders were then sent out. Eiichi, being the next best thing, took up being lord in Sesshomaru's absence. He ruled what he could, talking only to Sesshomaru's advisers and councils, making sure he was doing the duty just like Sesshomaru would.

His first order had been to send Miroku to the village where the attack had happened. He was to make sure that all of the wine was dumped, and the word was spread to all merchants that wine was forbidden until further notice.

Of course, that didn't mean the poison wouldn't be placed in something else.

Kagome also knew that Eiichi sent Miroku to the village to keep him close. If she lost control again, Miroku would be their only hope. Unfortunately, he was no match for her and would most likely die right along with everyone else.

Shippo and Mikio refused to allow anyone else access to the lord or herself. They claimed that there were enough beings present, and adding more would just do more damage than harm. Youta had sent a letter, telling Kagome to be faithful and to remember that Sesshomaru was strong. This wouldn't kill him.

She didn't have the heart to tell him that he was wrong.

It had not been long since Youta had requested to find his father, two years not even having passed, and already, he was going to lose him. That would mean Youta would have to step up, taking the throne and ruling the West. Something he wasn't ready for.

Normally, Kagome would continue to rule until the heir was matured enough to do so. However, she wouldn't have a choice in the matter. Her reiki had never been this unstable before, and she knew that when Sesshomaru passed, she would lose control, killing anyone who was close, including herself.

Quite honestly, she had been thinking of taking her life right at the last minute, just before her lord left her. That way, no one else would die. Truthfully, it was her only option if she wanted to keep from taking unnecessary lives.

The only thing stopping her from doing that was her unborn pup. Even now, it was wiggling under her heart, calling for her attention. It was the only thing that kept her going, giving her the slightest bit of hope.

When Sesshomaru died, she would still have a piece of him.

Her child may be her saving glory.

Maybe not.

There was really no way of knowing so it was a decision she would have to make soon. Take her own life, and the life of her unborn pup, or risk killing hundreds of innocents with no guarantee that she could keep her reiki in check.

Neither choice really worked for her, all because she wouldn't have the support of her mate, her rock.

A small knock on the shoji screen door was her only alert before it was softly opened. Mikio walked in, clearly distressed. She didn't even turn to look at him. Instead, her eyes were glued to her lord, willing him to open his own.

"Milady…" Mikio whispered, sneaking a glance at Amadeus. He would never admit it but he had grown fond of the annoying male. He would be missed.

"What is it?" She asked, her words clipped. She had made it perfectly clear that no one was allowed to disrupt her unless absolutely needed, and whatever this was better be important.

"I'm sorry but Lord Touga has sent you a letter. He demands that you read it or he will join us." Mikio explained, holding out a scroll.

She glanced at it for a moment, noticing that the seal was broken. Her eyes met with his and he looked nervous. She knew he wouldn't open a scroll addressed for her. There was only one brave enough to do so. Shippo.

However, that didn't mean Shippo would keep the contents to himself.

"What does it say?" She inquired, standing from the cushion as best as she could. She walked towards Sesshomaru, reaching into the bowl of water beside him and placing a cool sponge to his forehead. She took another sponge and squeezed it over his mouth, making sure he got the hydration he needed.

It was as she walked to Amadeus, repeating her actions, that Mikio finally began. "Touga…he says that you can save them." It was clear he didn't want to say anything, especially the moment her eyes met his. He didn't like whatever Touga had to say.

"Where is my son?" Kagome questioned, noticing that he was missing. Something was wrong.

"He left. He said he knows what you will do. He won't stop you, but he won't be a part of it either. He wishes that you will prove him wrong." Mikio said, looking away from Kagome.

She stood up straight, placing the sponge back into the water bin, and took the offered scroll from Mikio. Just as she opened it to read, his hand shot out and grabbed her wrist, causing her to look up at him.

"I agree with Shippo. I also know that if you do what Touga suggests, your mate and friend will never forgive you." Mikio stated, his eyes glued to hers for a few moments. It was as if he was silently begging her to take in his words, and when he finally released her, she knew he was leaving entirely. The decision was hers to make. No one would interfere, no matter their opinion.

Kagome sat back on the cushion and crossed her legs. Her hand absentmindedly rubbed her stomach as she began to read. What she saw written on the paper shocked her. Quite frankly, she was surprised that Touga would even ask her of this, and she lost her respect for him.

The parchment clearly stated that Touga had a way to save his son, but Kagome had to be willing to give a life for a life. It was a dark spell, one that only worked by sacrifice, and could only be performed by a dark miko.

What Touga went on to say was where she lost her respect for him. He suggested that she sacrifice her unborn child to save Sesshomaru. Even if she would have gone with such a horrible notion, Sesshomaru would never forgive her.

Touga said that they could just make another pup, however, the chances of Sesshomaru looking at her after, let alone touching her, were slim to none. She would never even consider sacrificing her pup for anyone, even her lord. It was just an innocent baby that hadn't even taken its first breath.

However, there was something else she could do. The spell Touga provided was one that was strong enough to work. She would have to corrupt herself, and she had no idea how that would affect her. It wasn't like when she darkened her reiki to transform.

She would have to give a part of her heart over to the darkness and hope that she didn't give into it. Then again, it didn't really matter. If she did the spell, there was only one sacrifice she could use, one strong enough to help three beings survive when they had no chance otherwise.

Herself.

She would give most of her essence to Sesshomaru and Mikio, ensuring that they made a miraculous recovery. She would save just enough to give to her pup, and the outcome of that would lead to two options. She would both die and go into labor early, her body forcing out her pup, or the spell would keep her body preserved, allowing the child to fully form before expelling it into the world.

She preferred the latter. It gave her child more of a fighting chance.

No matter what, the decision was made. She would sacrifice her life and save the three people that she needed to. With her thoughts on the positive, she decided she had some last words to say so she grabbed a parchment and began writing.

First, she left a return note for Touga, explaining that she never thought him to be so cruel, sacrificing an unborn pup to try and save someone who would never want to be saved that way. She also said that there would be no way to keep what he asked away from Sesshomaru, and any relationship Touga had with his eldest was now gone. He no longer had either son.

Next, she left a note for Mikio, thanking him for everything he had ever done for her. She wished him the best with his family and asked that he helped Sesshomaru with Natsuki and the unborn child she still carried. He would need his expertise.

Youta and Shippo received much that same letter. They varied slightly, differing on memories she chose to speak of per son. She basically wished them happiness in their lives, telling them not to let a moment pass them by.

Amadeus was hard to write for. She knew that he would be angry at her for what she was about to do, but she didn't care. And she told him so. He was the first person, other than her lord, that had not been afraid to speak what he was thinking, and she never once got to tell him how much she appreciated that, so she did so in her letter. She also told him to go after the little female that was always at his side now and to never let her go. It was easy to see just how enamored he was with her, and now, he will have a second chance to be with her.

Writing the letter to Sesshomaru was downright painful. By the time she was finished, she had tears cascading down her face, dripping onto the scroll. She told him that she loved him, and always would. That she had never held a love so fierce until he had walked into her life. She also told him not to grieve too hard and basically begged him not to put up his walls again. If he was ever going to move on and find another mate, he would need to let her in. She asked that he speak of her often to Natsuki and their child, making sure they knew just how much she loved them all. Then she, for the last time, said, 'I love you.'

When all of the letters were written, she placed them on the wooden table beside the screen door and turned her attention to the males she was about to save. She went to Amadeus first, kissing him gently on the forehead and squeezing his hand.

When she had said her goodbyes to him, she swiveled around and looked down at the face of the male she loved. Tears were still falling from her eyes and, as she leaned over Sesshomaru, they dropped from her cheeks and landed on his.

She pressed her lips against his one last time, not able to muffle the sob that tore from her throat. She would never get to see him again, feel his love, or touch his skin…but he would live. So, she straightened herself up and sat back on the cushion again.

Once she was settled, she pulled on the bond she shared with her mate, feeling the weakness of it. Even with as diminished as it was, she was able to feel just how much he loved her, and it gave her the last little bit of strength she needed.

She held on to that bond, never letting go, as she corrupted her reiki and recited the spell.

-sSs-

Well, damn. Didn't think I'd go that far, did ya? Kagome could never choose between one and the other, but she would gladly give her life to save another. I really don't have a spell in mind, and I'm not good at making stuff up like that, so I'm just going to skip that part and go straight to what happens after the spell. I haven't decided that outcome yet, or who all will survive, so we will just have to see. I hope you enjoyed.

I will be posting a new story today called Changed Body, Changed Heart. It's about an arrogant and stubborn Sesshomaru having a spell placed over him during a moment of weakness. He has no idea how to break it, but he only has a year to do so. In this time he accidently runs into InuYasha's pack while they hunt Naraku. I think we can all guess what happens after that. Sess/Kag Pairing. Head on over and check it out.

Shout outs:

Guest: Me alegro de que realmente te gusta mi historia . Fui al traductor Google , así que espero que esto se puede leer en su caso. Quería también responder de nuevo a usted , pero yo no entiendo español . Gracias por su crítica, estoy feliz de que te gusten mis chatacters tanto y espero que siga disfrutando

Slvrphoenx: I hope you enjoy the new story I will be posting in a miunte. I know it will become one of my favorites. You will still have to wait a chapter before we find out just what happen to our characters of this story.

Wren210: Boo-boo? What did I do? Eels were the closest thing I could think of to resemble soul stealers so I am glad you noticed. Eichii is just outgoing, nothing suspicious about him. lol. Thank you for your sympathy's, I've had a bit to adjust to the pcos. If you remember the last time a few months back when I was late updating because of doctor's appointments this was why. It's just something I have to accept.

Sassy's618: Another Cliffhanger just for you. Lol. On another note your review made not only me but my husband laugh as well. You will have to wait until the next chapter to see who lives.

Kelsie504: I always mention anyone who reviews, no matter how much or how little, even if it's a flame. It's the least I can do for those who take time out of their day to tell me what they think.

Decadenceofmysoul: Thank you for your review, and yes, poor Kagome.

I do not own InuYasha.