A/N: The next chapter will be up on Wednesday.

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Chapter 53

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"You must disrobe."

And that was one of the many reasons I hadn't wanted the hybrids to come.

Since I was taking too long to follow Sakhet's orders, Elmira spoke up, taunting, teasing, cruel. "What does it matter, child? It was never your body and it will be his soon enough."

A horrible, terrible, medieval way of putting it—but as usual I couldn't help agreeing with her. The whole point of today was to give myself (and my future) to Jacob, the way he had once given himself to me.

"Sisters have vast experience," Shelia reassured me. "And Nessie is perfect now. Why be shy?"

Because all three of them—and I said this was love—were beyond creepy? I let them strip me and lead me to the streaming tub, anyway.

It was an embarrassing way to be reacquainted with the hybrids, but I had arrived back in Forks only the night before and they had requested to not be disturbed. Now that the transformation had occurred, now that decay had left my cells, I needed them. Before I could allow the engagement to occur, I had to make sure the bloodlust would not be a problem. Unfortunately, the only way to placate them had been to agree to the worst torture known to man.

They wanted to 'prepare' me for the party.

For some reason, this required me to sit naked in a tub. Shelia thoughtfully slipped in as well, and was having far too much fun with a rubber duck as Sakhet watched and Elmira painstakingly plucked out every stray hair on my body. It had to be pulled out by the roots, or it would stay embedded in my skin for all eternity. Gross.

"How many times have you two been married?" I asked, trying to distract myself from the ceaseless pinching sensation.

"Three," Sakhet announced. "The first two died quickly. The third..."

Was the father of her son. They had not told me the ultimate fate of the human who Joham had 'blessed' with immortality, but I could see it was not something I wanted to know.

"Twenty-one." Elmira always did know how to divert attention.

"Oh. Did you ever bite any of them?"

I made a mental note never to play poker with Elmira. Her face was too smooth, too perfect. There was nothing in her countenance that suggested she disliked even one of those men, though I knew enough about her father to suspect she had not chosen any of them herself. All she did was say, in a perfectly measured tone that gave nothing away, "The less contact with my husbands the better."

Shelia translated for me. "Nessie is afraid she is going to bite Jacob. Afraid of the way the blood is calling to her, like never before, sometimes.

Sakhet came over from the window to join us by the bathtub. "Your body craves most what will bring it balance when your emotions slip too far to an extreme. It is a skill you will develop the more temptation you resist."

I had been to the extremes of only embarrassment and lust. It was a rather pathetic, when you thought about it.

"You have been fortunate, little one," Elmira cooed. "You have never known real hunger, when chewing your own hand seems reasonable if only the burn in your stomach will stop. You have never known real fear, when life shrinks to a moment and all you believe is left is to bow your head to accept death. You have never known real happiness, the moment of love that makes all other moments pale and lifeless in comparison. You have never known real pain, when you would gladly embrace death except he now spurns you. You have been fortunate to be so safe."

I suppose that was one quality in the hybrids' favor. They explained the why before they explained how to stop the strange urge I sometimes had to sink my teeth into the closest person to me.

Get yourself out of the situation. Control your emotions. Bite your lip—spill you own blood and it may be sufficient.

I was rather unimpressed with their advice, though I recognized it was probably sound. I complained about it anyway. It was the only way I could avenge myself against Elmira's plucking.

I was very glad when Sakhet announced they were done. Shelia gave me a prey mantis hug, which required Elmira to dry me yet again. Sakhet said something in a long dead language—her expression was reverent, so I assumed it was a blessing. I think I would have been touched if they had bothered with a housecoat, a towel, or something, anything so I wasn't standing naked in the bathroom. Not that they noticed.

Once Sakhet finished, Elmira produced the softest, whitest dressing gown that I had ever seen. Hand woven, the silk garment was fit for a queen. She did not explain where she had gotten it from, just whispered so quietly I almost missed it: "Mazel tov."

It was a strange thing for her to say, not what I had expected from the half-Arab anti-religious half-vampire, which is the only reason I began over-analyzing it. Did she mean to wish me good luck? Congratulations? Simply repeating a blessing that had once been bestowed upon her? Did she realize how fitting it was, to offer me good mazel, the destiny that flows down to us from above? The Talmud says we are not limited to our mazel, our fates—too bad I had never appreciated religious texts.

Elmira left me quickly, so the Cullen women could claim their own.

They were in a flutter of excitement today, the day of my eighteenth and seventh birthday, even if they did have different ways of expressing it.

Alice was more bubbly than usual (if that was even possible), bouncing off of everything. She had found the perfect dress for today. I had requested something plain, so Alice had found a dress that on first glace appeared to be the simple black dress I had desired. But on closer inspection, one could see that Alice (as always) had found a work of art. The fabric was layered in such a way that not only did it needlessly highlight my physical attributes, but that it did so in a classy way. Who knew clothing could present a paradox?

Not only did I look stunning, I looked well over both seven and eighteen. Idly I thought of the youngest werewolves, the ones who were too frightened to talk to me, but who had been prepubescent when the Volturi came to town. Is this how they had felt when they saw their muscled adult bodies staring back at them? Excited, apprehensive and just a little numb?

Esme had abandoned her usual smiling face for one that was positively beaming, shining love like a spotlight on our proceedings. I had a fervent wish that I could one day love like Esme, though my mind was convinced I was incapable of such...simplicity. That sounded condescending. Whole-hearted was better, I suppose, though it failed to convey the ease with which Esme bestowed her love—and it was the ease coupled with the strength of the feeling that I most admired.

And then there was Bella, trying not to cry (or squinting her eyes so I knew she would be crying if it were still possible). "I love you so much," she murmured over and over. "You'll make him so happy. I always wished—everything will be perfect now."

It was the last comment that had Rosalie opening her mouth for the first time since she had entered the room. Nothing came out; she went back to scowling at the world. My birthday did not please her.

When the others cleared out to give me a moment with my mother, Rosalie went out without a word.

Bella's cold hand came to rest on my shoulder. We looked like equals—if I stood, I would be significantly taller. No one would ever mistake us for mother and daughter. I had her eyes—but she had the eyes of a vampire.

"I—" her voice cracked with emotion. "I remember when I first found you existed, my little nudger. I never thought I could love anything as much as your father, but there you were. I thought my heart was full, but it wasn't. It was the greatest feeling in the world, knowing I could love more than I ever thought possible."

"It does sound wonderful," I agreed as Bella kissed my forehead. "What changed your mind? How did you make yourself want what you had never wanted before?"

Bella laughed. "I didn't have to do anything. You were simply too perfect not to love."

"Did you ever imagine Jacob would end up being your son-in-law?"

This time my mother did not laugh. "I always wanted him to be family," she managed. Then, "Alice won't speak to me for decades if we don't fix that flyaway strand before the pictures."

"Do you like the waves?" I asked her, even as she turned towards the door to get help. The not-quite straight, not-quite curly waves. Somewhere in between, just like I was. I couldn't be like Seth. I couldn't find the balance that would let me love both sides equally, effortlessly; but I could craft something new and beautiful out of both and love that instead.

"If you do," Bella smiled. "I'll be right back."

She slipped out of the room to get help, leaving me staring into the mirror. I smiled at myself. The waves were a nice compromise—and they looked good in my now almost entirely reddish hair. I would look nice next to Jacob. Not perfect, perhaps, but nice.

Rosalie must have protested, because it felt like years later when she stormed into the room. "It looks perfect," she spat.

"Don't be mad at me today," I begged. "Please, Rosalie?"

"Don't cry. You'll ruin your make up." But her voice was softer.

"Why do you hate him? He's the only one who loves me as much as you do."

Her face betrayed no movement, as she deliberated whether or not she should answer, or maybe whether or not she could. With her stillness, she could have been a corpse.

"I'm so afraid you'll never be real to him," she admitted. "You'll always just be the girl he won, the girl he can show off. But not...you."

I had expected a petty accusation. I expected her to rant, to rave. I expected Rosalie to be wrong. She loved me far too much for her own good. And yet...I couldn't say she didn't have a point. Not that Jacob's feelings for me were superficial. But he would love me unconditionally, no matter how many strange characteristics I possessed. Not because of them, or despite them, but simply because he was destined to love me. Or were we seeing distinctions where none existed?

She sighed and kissed my (now forever) pale cheek. "You make a beautiful vampire."

"It's a lie, you know." Because that, at least, I could fight. "All this talk of transformation and immobility. It's a lie, a deception. I might be frozen on the outside but inside I'm alive and bleeding. You know that."

The corner of her lips twitched and then—at a glacial pace—her mouth turned up. A smile graced her perfect face. Her topaz eyes began to sparkle. Rosalie put her hands on my shoulder and brushed a stray hair off my face. Rosalie's love was more complicated than anyone's, but it was also the most powerful.

"Come," she beckoned. "You have a party to go to."

The house had been turned into a great hall. I was reasonably sure Alice had knocked down one or two walls but I was touched instead of horrified—at least they hadn't built an entire new house. It was just a hall, one that was currently completely filled.

I hadn't consciously been aware that I knew this many people. There were the hybrids—the females were avoiding Nahuel, who had shown up simply because no one wanted him to. There were the vampires, all on a strict vegetarian diet for the day. No one in the state of Washington was dying for my party. Among those present were the Denali Clan, the Amazons, the Egyptians, and many of the others that I hadn't seen since my first year. Even the Transylvanians had come (I tried to miss how they were eyeing the hybrids, and the way Elmira watched them back; I didn't want to spoil my day).

The presence of vampires should have stopped Alice from inviting my human friends, but it hadn't (that's what the werewolves were for, she said, and besides, our friends wouldn't eat anyone). Charlie and Sue were here, as well as Quil Ateara Sr. The entire Hamilton family had come; Naomi, all of twelve, had corned Edward and was trying to out-nerd him. It was rather priceless. Annie had brought Chris, as well as his friend Jimmy. The two boys looks weirded out, but I think they enjoyed staring at the vampires, anyway.

The pack, under Jacob's obvious leadership, was out in full force today. The Clearwater siblings were the obvious exceptions, though of the other two unimprinted wolves, only Colin was missing. The youngest unimprinted member of the pack, a cheerful boy by the name of Max, had still come and the gamble paid off; he barely gave my sisters a second glace. Sam and Emily and their children, Jared and Kim and their daughter, Paul and Rachel and Will...all the little families that not-so-secretly hated my kind. There were all here (Rachel even gave me a hug), with Jacob at their head.

And he looked good.

Perfect, actually. Tall, regal, content—he made a beautiful picture. So beautiful I couldn't remember why as a child I had always thought he needed Leah by his side. Surely my Jacob was too strong to ever need anybody?

Since half the gathering didn't consume food, Alice had gone for buffet style. But before we could eat, my family had to celebrate me, just a little bit.

Edward couldn't help being embarrassing—and rather highhanded, announcing I was going to Dartmouth for multiple years. He praised my talents so much that there was no way the humans still believed he was my brother. Oh well. The Cullens were leaving Forks with me tomorrow. When I thought the torture was almost over, Alice stood up.

It was worse than hearing another ode to my perfection.

"Nessie is now going to say a few words."

All eyes turned to me.

It would have been nice to have a warning, but I didn't have time to complain about what I didn't have. I frantically searched for words; I started with the simplest.

"Thank you. All of you. For everything. I know that sounds hopelessly deficient but it's all I have. It's the truth. I know I'm the luckiest girl in the world and I know you—" it was such a long list, I didn't even know how to start "—are the reason for this."

My voice caught as I witnessed all their loving faces turned towards me. The next time I came home from school it wouldn't be to the Cullen house in Forks. Even a vampire memory didn't sound up to the task of remembering all the details of this moment, the last we would ever have all together. It was only my mother's brilliant smile that reminded me I had to go on. I had to tell them, now that I had been given this chance.

"I can't thank you enough. For loving me. For saving me. For teasing me and teaching me and scaring me and protecting me...if you want a list, I could tell you, but it's so long I really will be eighteen by the time I finish. Just...thank you. So much. I only hope I can make you proud."

Jacob hugged me as the tears caught up with me. Carlisle thankfully stood up to lead the toasts, saving me from further speaking. I should have trusted Alice. She always knew what was needed, even when she didn't.

I just wished Leah was there.

"That was beautiful, Renesmee," Edward said afterwards, hugging me tightly to his chest.

"Not as good as yours."

"True," he said with a half-crooked grin. "But I've been preparing that speech since you were born." He brushed a lock of hair off my face, tucking the wave gently behind my ear. "I would have been proud of you no matter what, you know. I probably wouldn't have almost cried if there wasn't so much to truly be proud of, but I would have been proud nonetheless. It was a privilege to read your thoughts."

"You've already made me cry once tonight," I whispered. "Please refrain from making it happen again."

He kissed my forehead. "Whatever pleases you. Enjoy your evening." With a sigh, he warned me, "Alice tells me we have to mingle."

And with a shared look, my father and I parted ways in order to do just that.

Zafrina showed me pretty pictures like she had in the olden days; she even made sure they were all rated PG like she had when I was little. Tanya gushed over my dress, while Kate and Garrett regaled me with their adventures from their honeymoons. The Irish coven also told me stories, but I was so entranced by their accent, I wasn't exactly sure what those stories were.

I found Jasper talking in a corner with a couple, a couple who's faces were marked by the same crisscross of scars his were. He introduced them as Peter and Charlotte, and they said they remembered me as an infant.

"It's my birthday, uncle," I explained. "Won't you show me what your life was like before us?"

"No," he repeated, as he always did. But this time he added, "That is my gift to you."

"May you never need to know," Peter told me. Charlotte's grip on her mate's arm tightened.

I was dismissed. It was a gift. Sakhet was hissing at her sister in the corner, ordering her away from the Transylvanians ("they will lose, sister. The Volturi will kill them. And where will I be without you?"). It was the difference between vampires and werewolves, the laughing, ever changing oh-so-human werewolves and the vampires that watched the world sink to new lows over and over again. Too much memory was a curse, not a blessing.

My seven years of memories weren't even large enough to qualify as a drop in comparison to their buckets of memories. It was a gift.

When Rachel thrust Will on me, so she could order her husband to be nice to her brother, I took the child. It was a tiny thing, terrifyingly delicate, passed around among giants. I could create life, naturally and hopefully one day unnaturally, but I knew now that there was no guarantees that I could protect any life I created. Like Will, all children just had to muddle through life as best they could based on their woefully incomplete knowledge of the world. And yet somehow...it was a gift.

Rachel took her son back and I headed to the punch bowl, where I ran into Chris.

"Hey. Great party."

"Thank you. And thank you for coming."

I guess me being Annie's friend trumped me being Frank's ex-girlfriend. I'm sure the unlimited amount of food helped.

"Never seen so much...stuff," he concluded lamely. "Oh, hey. Frank said to say hi. He's sorry he couldn't come."

"Really?"

"Yeah. But he's up at Western right now and the rides killer."

"I'll bet." Taking the plane from New Hampshire to Washington hadn't exactly been fun for me, though it was my party. And I had to make the trip back tomorrow night. "Wait. I thought he was going to the University of Washington."

"That was the plan. But...I actually have no idea. It's smaller—further, but smaller, I guess. He just sort of changed his mind."

"That's great," I said, surprised. Frank had always sounded so sure about his plan for the future, but Western was equally prestigious. Less famous, but a school with a solid reputation. "How's he liking it?"

"He loves it. A lot. I can't get him to shut up about it. He's always on about classes and labs and this chick at the library. It's insane. And then he's got his own place now and he keeps complaining how cooking's a bitch."

"Peanut butter," I suggested.

"He said something about ground beef and broccoli stew."

"Ew. I guess it would be good experimental research."

"I think that's what he's calling it. Boy was always a little crazy. When Brady and I went up there to move him in, he made us move every single piece of furniture at least a hundred times—and he's living in a shoe box."

"It's his first place. Of course he's excited."

So was Chris, if the way he kept talking about Frank's new life was any indication. Of course, he would be excited. His best friend's life was about to take off into crazy unknown directions. It was fascinating.

And the more Chris talked, the heavier the feeling in my chest got. Frank and I had gotten along so well because we were similar—analytical, practical nerds. But Chris was telling me stories that didn't quite fit with how I pictured Frank, which was silly because Frank was eighteen and human. If he wanted something to fit...it could.

I had to find Jacob.

Seven years old, eighteen years, it didn't matter how many years it was. It was far too little time. There was no reason I had to figure out the rest of my life by now. I wanted to grow up and I wanted Jacob happy—but when it came down to it, I wanted to know who Renesmee Cullen was more.

Chris left me and I hurried through the crowd. In this room, surrounded by all these people who loved me, I was hopelessly jealous of a boy whose father hadn't even realized he was off at school. I was jealous and I needed to stop that feeling. Where in the world was Jacob?

I looked everywhere. It had always been easy to find Jacob, as he was the tallest one in the crowd, but the other werewolves weren't much shorter and they just served to confuse me. The more I looked, the less I could find him. Finally, it occurred to me—I hadn't checked outside.

I had barely slipped out the front door when I heard Jacob.

"I'm going to kill him!"

"If it makes you feel better," my grandfather chided, "He might die on the operating table."

"You won't let that happen." It was a striking show of faith. I guess Jacob had learned to trust my family after all. "I have to yell at him first."

"Who are you going to yell at?" I inquired, leaving me perch by the door and coming to where Jacob and Carlisle were standing, by Carlisle's car.

"You," Jacob said. "Why aren't you at your party?"

"I need to talk to you. What are you two doing out here?"

"I'm sorry, Nessie," Carlisle said, taking my hand. "There's an emergency at the hospital. I have to go. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Of course. Why is Jacob with you?"

"Head of the tribe. I'm in charge no matter how stupid..." Jacob was regarding me strangely. "Don't worry about it. Your grandfather's the best and Leah's going to meet him there, supervise. Come on. I have to talk to you, too."

He took my hand, pulling me away before I could get my thoughts in order. Carlisle was a good doctor, to be sure, but he wasn't the only one in Forks and—

"You want to sit down?" Jacob asked me, hand buried deep in his pocket. A pocket where a velvet box resided.

Oh god. I had forgotten about the proposal.

"Jacob, I—I need to talk to you."

"You said that, already," he teased. Taking a step closer, he kept that unreadable expression on his face. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know," I realized miserably. Whatever I needed, Jacob had always been able to give me. Now that I couldn't quite breathe properly thinking of how young and incomplete I was, I needed him to remind me how I could overcome that feeling. Too bad I didn't know how to ask him to do that. "I just need to talk to you."

"We'll talk," he promised. His arms came up to take me by the elbows. "There's just one thing I want to try first, okay?"

My eyes went wide, but before I could answer, Jacob's lips were on mine.

Hard and hot and...

Perfect.

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TBC...