Chapter 48

Freebyrd

He couldn't, anymore.

The night was colder than it has ever been, the air foul, the sights and sounds cruel, but none crueler to Tsukune than the voices, voices of all those who'd shown their "mercy", their "humanity" in the most contemptable way they could have imagined. All their advice, mockery or indifference; and why not? What was Tsukune Aono to them but a mistake, a failure at either being a man or a monster, someone that the throngs of apathetic and soulless people all around him was used to laughing at.

"That's the way it is, meatbag," he remembered the Bus Driver saying. "Life is like that."

"Oh me, oh my, I take it your true love wasn't quite so true after all, was it?" Ria asked.

"Is he still out there?" He recalled Moka ask Gin after they'd fucked.

"Want me to check and see?" Gin requested.

"A man has to do whatever it takes to make his wife and family happy," he recalled his father telling him on his wedding day.

"It's your fault, Tsukune!" Moka accused. "If only you hadn't refused to give me what I want!"

"I've done unspeakable things, for a love that never existed," Tsukune had said.

"Look, I was wrong, son," said his father.

"Humans are too intolerant and incapable of coexisting with their betters!" Moka pointed out.

"What about me?" He asked.

"You're different…I will not raise my kids around humans!"

"I'll do whatever it takes to give my wife what she wants!" He tells his mother.

"Even as I speak, she's pregnant with Gin's son and intends to pass him off as yours," Yukari said.

"You're not my mother!" Kola, Tsukune's supposed son, yelled. "Not anymore, you're nothing!"

"But, she's our daughter," Tsukune tried to reason.

"She's too human," Moka reiterated. "Get rid of it or I'll find someone who will."

These words, words of "wisdom" from so many people who thought they had it all figured out better than he had apparently, swirled about his head like a cyclone storm, making his aimless wandering through the crowds along the Vegas Strip that much hellish. Were they wrong or right, he could not say, but they and their hideous deeds were too many for him to just shrug off and move on like nothing had happened.

All he could think was how mighty they were and how low he'd gone, and it sickened him.

He couldn't do this, anymore.

His blank eyes stared at the couples, either young or old with the young, their decadence a cruel slap to the face. He remembered his meeting with the drifter Sam and how messed up he was, left on the street to be played by these same people; he, who'd refused to adjust to their ways, refused to accept blame for why his wife deserted him; instead he gave up.

His wife never loved him; it weighed heavily on Tsukune's heart, heavy like a 4-ton safe to know that Moka had always felt the same way about him, and he wondered why, if she despised him so much, that she played along like she ever cared for him? Was she like these same people on the streets, with their depraved notions of entertainment: find some lowly person and then toy with them for enjoyment?

I don't want to do this anymore, he thought, wearily. I just want to be at peace.

"You shouldn't go back to her!" Yukari had said.

"Why don't you go back to your wife and stay away from mine," he remembered Hiba saying.

"You don't understand!" Igraine had told him. "You'll never understand."

Was she right? She was willing to stick with an abusive asshole, so she must've been right!

"Learn the mistake they made," Yukari had referred to both Igraine and the inn keeper. "An enabler, a monster like the man at the cabin!"

"You ugly, hideous female ape!" The bitter old inn keeper had said to his own daughter, who reminded him of his adulterous wife.

He didn't know what was right, what made sense anymore, all that mattered was to get away from all of it, but didn't know how. What Tsukune knew was how fucked up this notion of love was, that he could ever have hoped to find such a human emotion in a school full of monsters or expect it from a vampire who could have had anyone.

I was wrong, he kept thinking to himself. I am wrong! What's left for you, man?

"Hey man?" A voice asked, breaking into his thoughts. "Yeah, I'm talking to you."

Tsukune looks around and sees a man closing his pawn shop.

"Were you just about to come in?" The man asked. "If so, you came by just in time; well, just about. I was on my way to the fight, so I decided to close up early, but I think I can fit you in to get your order out."

Tsukune just stare at him, unable to place a name or figure out what he was saying.

"You remember? You came by like three days ago to pawn your wedding rings."

"…Oh!" Tsukune replied. "Is there a problem with the rings?"

"Nah, they're grade A shit; I was talking about the order you placed that same day. The 44?"

"Yeah!" He says, suddenly remembering what, in his manic behavior back then he had done at, only to be told that there was a waiting period. Now that it appears to be over, a smile crosses his face, eager to get his hands on his new "44". "You said it's ready for pick up?"

"Sure, sure, we can go right in and get it."

Being let in, the memory of that night came flooding into his already, sullied mind filled with newer bullshit; the pawning of such rare jewelry, rendered cheap by one, callous woman's infidelity, now nothing but wasted materials. In fact, the whole ordeal of getting them in the first place was now pure, wasted effort that only cemented what an intolerable fool he's been.

"You're such an idiot, Tsukune," Moka would say, her red eyes emotionless. "Don't be a fool! You're just a human, it's beneath me! What would make you believe that I would ever lie with anyone on top of me, much less a human? You must decide, my world or the human world!"

"Here we go!" The pawn shop owner said, setting down a brown, shopping bag on the display case.

"…That's it?" Tsukune asked, his adrenaline strangely heightened.

"It sure is."

The owner takes it out and places it on the glass counter, and immediately Tsukune was awestruck at its brilliance. Ideally, it laid over the two wedding rings, now on display, and while it wasn't as captivating as those, it's silvery makeup made it a close second to him; this time, he was certain that this would not be a wasted purchase.

"1985," said the pawnbroker, "good year."

"Really?"

"Yeah; Reagan era, 2nd Amendment rights, and a strong belief in American values, not like today. Today a man just can't be a man, anymore; know what I mean?"

He didn't answer, just let his offhand remark sink in like every other filth, but at the same time marveled at the fine handiwork before him, the shiny metal's brilliant sheen, how long and smooth the barrel was; it was so fine was it that it cast the perfect reflection to look back at him. Unfortunately, it wasn't much to look at, and it only served to offer up little doubt that getting this item was the right thing to do.

"It is the very best you have?" Tsukune asked.

"Yep; hey, after what you pawned, you deserve nothing short of."

"I bet. Well, that's good to hear. Do I need any, you know?"

"Way ahead of ya!" He explains, bringing out a small box containing nine shiny, copper coated, objects, with the tips of their round, pointed heads glistening in the light, almost beckoning for Tsukune to make use of them.

"44 caliber?" Tsukune asked.

"Yep."

But, he worried if they would be enough to do the job; he didn't want to make another mistake.

"You wouldn't happen to have hollow points?" Tsukune asked.

"I can look, hold on," the broker said, rummaging around the glass case before bringing up another box. "Here ya go!"

"How much do I owe you?"

"Store credit; already covered by those gems you sold."

"Thanks," Tsukune pleasantly replied before departing.

"Hey, you have a good evening!" The man said, but Tsukune doesn't respond nor looks back.

Bag in hand, mind now focused on his plan, he makes a bee line toward the hotel, eager to carry out what he believed to be the solution to all his troubles.

On his way he saw a tall, willowy blonde prancing around without nary a glance his way.

Forget her! He thought darkly.

Next, he saw a tall, dark haired man, a girl in each arm, just casually strolling and laughing.

To hell with him, to hell with all of them! I give up, I've had it! They can have this world, all of it!

It was as if Moka and Gin were still harassing him, keeping him from waning in his commitment, daring him to go through with it. He crossed busy streets, barged passed people, desperate to get away.

I hate them! I hate them!

"Ignore him," he'd heard Moka say while Gin's massive arms draped about her waist, the tips of her long, pink hair lightly tickling his former best friend's wrist. "If he insists on being stubborn, then so be it!"

He then saw her and him laugh, could see the smug look of superiority and scorn upon Moka's once angelic face, all the while guiding Gin's fingers to undo the back of her skin-tight dress. And yet, Tsukune did nothing, does nothing, was instead the kind of loser that people said he was, like at the Snow Village. He remembered their words, how his misery was a joke:

"What's the matter, can't hold onto your woman?"

"Mighty vampire couldn't please his wife!"

"Everybody knows how you fucked up!"

"Didn't even stand up for himself!"

"Didn't stand up for her!"

"Loser!"

"Some vampire lord!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Even Gin joined in the fun, spreading his humiliation via the web as if he hadn't done enough to his onetime friend.

"AWHOOO! Wolfman Gin here…This guy, we'll call him Tsukune, totally made out with his wife out right under his nose and what does he do? Nothing! He just walks out like a whipped dog!"

Why didn't I do something? He wondered. What's wrong with me?

"Faggot!"

"Pussy!"

"Tsukune, the pussy!"

"Moka's little bitch!"

"Gin was more of a man than him!"

But then, what difference would it have made? I saw for myself, she still would have gone to him.

It angered him to the point of going insane, as he grips the bag so hard that it was all he could do to keep from freaking out on the street. He didn't want that; didn't want to be picked up the police and locked away, trapping him with all manners of people who'd prey on guys like him. He needed to get away, needed an escape and so, eagerly he hurried back to the solitude of his in a journey that felt like miles of the most arduous terrain ever endured.

I can't do this! But, I... I've got to!

At last, he was right under the hotel's lights and only quickened his worn pace, blindly marching his way pass people and opened rooms before finally standing before his room. The entire experience had left him so rattled that he was shaking, bodily shaking as he tried furiously to unlock the door; he was only glad that no one, friend or stranger had come to bug him.

He growled under the pressure of opening the door, ready to ghoul out and smash his way in, until divine luck opened it without any violence, allowing him to dive in and shut door behind; he was alone.

He thought it would be quiet now for him to think out his actions, but the memories and voices in continued to heckle him out of spite. Hand over his eyes, he breathed heavily, trying to gather his nerves and senses, but try as he might, there was no peace with which to focus.

Am I really doing this? He wondered. Is this the only answer for me?

"Dammit!" He said aloud, eyes watery, anger unbearable and resolve shaky. Still, he trudged slowly towards the bathroom, bag in hand and heart heavy, with his mind seeing no way out.

The bag felt heavier with each step, causing him to look down with trepidation the entire time, but gradually he stumbles up to the mirror without turning on the light, thinking it wouldn't matter as he could still see himself in the mirror, thanks to this cruel curse Moka had laid upon him.

He gave up his humanity, became a vampire, and for what, because it was all a sick joke to her?

This bitter questioning only helped force his hand in removing the large gun from its bag, where even in the dim light it shined brilliantly for him; he thought it was a nice tool for the deed.

Slowly, he removed the hollowed tipped bullets from their case and took his time inserting each one into their chamber, as a last resort should the first one fail to do the trick, and each one bringing back more moments in his wretched life, of every decision he'd made which led to this.

How did it come to this?

Was it because he was weak, just like Moka had always said. And, according to her sister, according to her and every monster he'd met, the weak in this world either toughen up or they die; he just wasn't willing to toughen up, not without her. Or, rather he believed he'd done all the toughening up that he needed when he fought Alucard and that was it.

It doesn't matter, he thought bitterly. What's done is done.

"You can't give me what I want, so I'm going to seek out someone who will!" He remembered Moka defiantly proclaim.

Shut up! He thought.

"Some men deserved to be cheated on!" He recalled the woman on the trucker's radio say during some on air interview. "They force women to sleep around behind their backs because they don't know how treat them right!"

Shut up!

"Aw, poor big man, cry me a river," taunted one of Caro's strippers. "So, your wife left you, bet you deserve it, too!"

Stop it!

Everybody had their opinions, but it didn't matter if they were right or wrong; like scavengers, they were determined to harass him until he died.

"I hope you're happy," he bitterly said to himself as he places the last bullet in its chamber, and firmly closes the cylinder shut. And, as he stares into the mirror, he could see their faces, so indifferent and unworried as, with a steady hand holds the gun up to the side of his head. It was strange, though, as his hands weren't shaking and the cool steel of the barrel felt so relaxing upon his warm skin that he almost wanted to remain in this position.

But, Moka's voice, from after he threatened to leave her on the night she took Gin in, interrupted:

"You won't leave me, you wouldn't dare!"

"You're not leaving me any choice, Moka!"

"No, it's you who isn't leaving me any choice!"

It was all a game to you.

"C'mon, he's not gonna do it, why you wasting your time on him?" Gin asked.

"You're right; come Gin, give me what my husband refused to do."

"Really man, you're gonna let the most beautiful woman in the world go over your own pride? Your loss, man!"

CLICK!

"You're weak," Inner Moka said again, appearing before him this time, her cold, unfeeling red eyes taunting him, as always. "You're always weak, and you always will be."

Soon, more taunts came flooding in without any control or cohesion to them.

"Loser."

"Pussy."

"Weakling!"

"Cry baby!"

"What a waste of a man!"

"Ha-Ha-Ha!" Came Moka, her throaty voice, laughing.

BAM!

The sound was deafening, so deafening that it rang throughout both ears, following what felt like this excruciating, white hot, searing pain that threatened to split his head open, and caused his legs to go numb as everything within him gradually froze up and collapses hard to the floor. All feeling in his body had vanished; he had no idea if he'd wet himself or was bleeding, the only sensation left was this terrible pain that made everything around him go blurry, and then dark. Eventually, the pain slowly began to die as it seemed the shadows were creeping closer and closer around him, until there was nothing.

One thing Tsukune knew before it was all over: he was at last at peace.