Chapter 10: Comfort Zones
She woke up the next morning not knowing where she was and how she'd gotten there. It took Rei a few seconds of staring at the ceiling to realize that no, this was not her room, and that there was actually the sound of someone's light breathing next to her.
Rei sat up only to have a wave of nausea pass over; she closed her eyes and held her throbbing head between her hands—shit…she must've drunk a lot to still have a hangover at…the clock read noon. She sighed and reluctantly turned to the person next to her—as memories of the previous night came back blurrily, she had half-hoped that it would be the American guy she'd never gotten a name from lying on the bed, but…no, it was Kanda.
She let out a long breath and lied back down on the bed, snuggling under the covers to stare at the ceiling as she thought of what had happened the night before. She remembered vaguely—Kanda grabbing her, the sensuality of their kisses, somehow making it into a hotel room, and then the messy and desperate undressing, his hands where they'd never been before, his mouth in places that she blushed to think about—honestly, the entire night had been blush-worthy. Kanda was…surprising. She cleared her head and began to think about what to do when Kanda woke up.
Always the best way to ensure that she'd never see a one-night stand again was to say that he was terrible in bed. She'd used that excuse plenty of times at NYU—she'd even been telling the truth. Eric, especially, was completely incompetent—but no, Kanda was good at everything he did, and that included pleasuring women—the previous night had probably been the best sex she'd had in years. Rei frowned and tried to clear her head again.
She could…perhaps say that she'd been too drunk, and everything had been a mistake. But she couldn't just avoid Kanda forever—in fact…who was she kidding? She was in no place to even be saying that Kanda was just a one-night stand…
"What are you thinking so intently about?" said Kanda's voice next to her, jolting her out of her staring match with the ceiling.
She turned next to him, glad to see that he looked more well rested than she had seen in a while.
"How to get rid of me?" he guessed. "You're thinking I'm a one-night stand? Che…so arrogant as to think that Kanda Yuu is just a hookup…"
"I was going to say that," she admitted, "but you're too good in bed for me to say that truthfully."
He stared at her expressionlessly, but there was a mutual understanding between the two that last night had not been a casual one-night stand, and not just because the sex had been good. That perhaps they had been edging in this direction because it was something that they owed to each other, and that the results were somewhat muddled because the enjoyment was shared but the ethics behind it were murky. All the same, it was not like this could repeat. Truthfully, last night had been a mistake—not one that made them feel terrible about themselves—but still, a mistake. They couldn't very well go and publicize the fact that they'd woken up next to each other, naked.
Kanda cleared his throat and rolled around so that his gaze turned to the ceiling.
"So…" Rei said awkwardly, "now what?"
Tyki woke up to the sound of Mira's muffled voice emanating from the bathroom, a quick, earnest whisper that he could only catch bits and pieces of. "I'm so sorry" was the phrase that came out most prominently.
He rolled out of his bed and opened the door to the bathroom, revealing a worried-looking Mira on the phone. She hung up the moment she saw him and hastily retreated.
"Not one more step," she said warningly.
"Who were you calling?" asked Tyki. "Rei?"
"She's not picking up—I mean it, don't take another step near me."
"You didn't protest last night," he said matter-of-factly.
"Because I…" She seemed flustered. "Because I'm a terrible person—I was, last night, but I'm going to be a better person now and that involves you not—don't touch me!"
Tyki cupped her face in one hand and forced her to look at him. She struggled only slightly as he fought for her phone and, after successfully attaining it, tossed it into the toilet.
She was aghast. "How dare you—!"
"Don't call Rei—she won't pick up. We lost any chance at reconciliation with her when she saw us after we'd slept together…the first time," he smirked. "So much for your explanation and insistence that she was your friend—you didn't have such determination to be a better person when I asked for a second round last night. Besides…"
His eyes trailed from the kiss marks he'd left on her neck past the shirt that she was wearing—his shirt, actually—to the long, bare legs that were left so exposed and available to him. He reached down and grazed a finger from her knee to her thigh. Mira instantly stiffened from the contact, which only made his smirk wider. She pushed him away but only half-heartedly, for her lips were already burying in his neck, her hands were coming up to his chest—
"No," he chuckled, touching her inner thigh, "I don't think you've become a better person at all."
"We were drunk."
"That's a terrible excuse. And you were sober."
"I was tired."
"So you had sex? You're awful at this."
"Nothing happened. I just left you on the bed and then I fell asleep on the couch."
"…That could work," said Rei as she stepped out of the bathroom, her hair wrapped up in a towel. "That's actually pretty good—except what are you going to say to Leila?"
"I don't think any of you understand what goes on between Leila and me," said Kanda dryly, picking at the fruit that room service had sent for breakfast. "She doesn't care what I do—and I don't care what she does. If we're going into technicalities…sure, we're what people would call dating. If we look at things in perspective, we honestly don't give a shit about each other."
"I think that's just your crassness speaking," said Rei, sitting down on the bed and unwinding her hair. "I don't think many people can sleep with you and not give a shit about you."
"Your flattery is unsettling," said Kanda bluntly.
"I'm just stating the truth," smiled Rei. "Okay then. Not a word about this to anyone, all right?"
"Of course, that means Mikk as well," said Kanda, studying her intently for a reaction.
She merely gave him a wan smile as she began to braid her hair.
"So?" he said, plucking grapes off the stem. "What made you get drunk last night?"
"Just wanted to join everyone else in the festivities," she said casually, looking to make sure that her clothes were prim and proper. "Can't be the only one left out, right?"
He only looked at her with a mixed expression—she caught a hint of distrust and wariness.
"Did something happen between you and Mikk?" he asked.
"…No, nothing," she said. "I just got a little…well, when I think about it in retrospect, I think I turned a little back into the immature girl I was four years ago—"
"You're really no better now," said Kanda with his usual candor.
"Thanks," she said wryly. "No, I think I got a little possessive with Tyki…I saw him with someone else, and I suppose my feelings got hurt so I decided to get drunk and then ended up in bed with you—probably not the best idea, but what the hell." She patted down her hair to make sure no strands were sticking out.
"I'm the rebound?" he said sarcastically.
"You could think of it like that. So…we're cool, Kanda? We're not telling anyone anything, right? The media would have a field day…"
"Yeah, of course not," he said blandly, his lips closing around a strawberry. "I'll see you out the door."
The sentences were empty and his expression did not change as he bid her farewell, but he made no movement to walk her out, and Rei made no movement to stand up and leave. They only sat there, staring at each other, guessing, waiting for the other to make the first move, but Kanda only sat there, eating his fruit, his lips slowly parting into a smirk as he saw that she wasn't making an effort to leave.
"How can you eat?" she said abruptly. "Don't you have a hangover?"
"I was sober. You're the only one who wants to throw up."
"…I should probably get going, right?"
"Yeah."
She just kept staring at him, and then a split second later, she had pounced on him and was kissing him furiously—she could taste the remnant of the strawberry in his mouth and could hear him scoff as his hands came up her waist and he pulled her fully onto him, his fingers already unbuttoning her blouse with the adroitness of one who had done this many times before—and it wasn't just about the sex—it wasn't that at all—but despite the clear urgency between them, she never would've told him that, and he wouldn't have ever admitted it either.
"That's it!" gasped Mira, stumbling out of bed and grabbing for the clothes that she'd come in the night before. "That's it—no more, I can't keep being seduced like this—"
Tyki grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her back onto the mattress.
"Miss Chang…" he said in his most seductive manner.
"Oh, fuck you!" she said, diving out from under him. "If you keep doing this, I'm going call this rape—"
"Certainly not," said Tyki, astonished that she had even suggested such a thing. "Clearly, this was all consensual—you kissed me first just now."
"Damn it!" said Mira, tugging on her stockings. "I hate you, hate you, what the hell—I've only met you twice—and I've known Rei for so long—"
"You didn't know Rei," he said. "You knew whatever woman she was trying to be."
"They're the same," said Mira in a steely tone.
"No, they're not," said Tyki simply.
"People change," she said evenly. "I don't know what she was like when she was with you, but I respect her and this—what I've done is unacceptable, I can't believe what I've done."
Tyki arched an eyebrow.
"You've done me," he said cheekily, "three times now."
She chucked a pillow at him, which he dodged successfully.
"I suppose I can see your appeal," he chuckled as he straightened up. "You are miraculously similar to what Rei was like before—though most of the time, a tad more mature, which I happen to like."
"I can't say the same," she said breathlessly.
"…Really?"
"Fine," she relented, "you're really hot, you're absolutely fantastic in bed, you're probably unlike any other dickhead I've ever dated and I find you so incredibly alluring—"
She cut off her sentence midway as it seemed to register what she'd been saying.
"Go on, Mira," he said.
She only glowered at him.
He sighed. "You can stop pretending, you know, this whole…'good girl' act, the 'good friend' façade…I can see right through you."
Her glower intensified at his suggestion, but Tyki kept talking.
"As much as I like to compare you to Rei, you have a major difference—self-assurance. From what I heard last night, you…you're not really sincere about her."
Mira looked furious. "How dare you—"
"I'm being honest," he shrugged. "Your self-assurance benefits from the fact that you are everything Rei is not—intelligent, beautiful, and all naturally so. You unconsciously thrive on her inferiority—"
"I do not see her as inferior," said Mira coldly. "I respect her immensely as a friend and—"
"If you did respect her so immensely, you wouldn't have slept with me at all," he said.
"Do not try to pin this all on me," she snapped. "Yes, I made a mistake—I thought that I…I thought I felt something for you, something deeper, but I was just being stupid—I tried to convince myself that Rei wasn't good enough for you, but I—you're the one who's not good enough for her, casually sleeping around and you're the one seducing me—"
"Why do I feel like you're more articulate normally?" said Tyki dryly. "Face the truth, Mira, the only reason you regret us sleeping together is because it's your duty as a friend—but I'm telling you that I don't care much for pretenses. You hurt Rei, I hurt Rei, we're a pair—I've gotten to the point where I don't really care much for mean streaks."
Mira looked at him in disgust. "How was she even remotely attracted to you?"
He chuckled darkly. "I don't know. Maybe for the same reasons that you inexplicably are."
It was a bit humorous, actually, to see that the life lessons that Tyki had taught her so long ago were still applicable. Again with Kanda rose the tentative questions of what defined lust and love, how far "owing each other" stretched, and the ultimate judgment of whether or not what they were doing was wrong.
They lied in silence, her head on his chest, his hand absentmindedly working its way in her hair in that peculiarly soothing way that only someone like Kanda—stoic but not unkind—could do. Rei listened to every passing heartbeat, thinking, wondering, if she had made a grave mistake, if she had been too impulsive and the more she thought about it, the more she realized that she had wronged Tyki and wronged Kanda and probably had landed herself in quite possible the worst situation she'd been in ever since she'd arrived in London.
And yet…she didn't want to move. Didn't want to turn to Kanda and honestly say, "This was a mistake, we're a mistake," because no matter how much she wanted to deny it, seeing Tyki and Mira together made her not want to listen to any explanations or any reasoning—she did not want to even remotely think about them.
"…What time is it?" said Kanda, his chest rising under her cheek as he spoke.
She checked the clock. "Two in the afternoon."
"…We have a shoot at three," he said.
"I know."
They made no initial movement to acknowledge that their time in isolation was close to expiring. It was that old sense of comfort that kept them there, thinking about their walks along the river when she had first come to London, Kanda in the ear-muff hat and the hope that nothing could trespass on their serenity—Rei smiled ruefully. It had been the same back then, too, when she had indulged in this peace because she hadn't wanted to think about Tyki.
She sighed and sat up.
"We should probably get going," she said.
Kanda didn't answer. Instead, she felt his fingertips on her back, tracing a thin ridge near her spine. The way he stroked it was nearly uncomfortable—violating in a manner she wouldn't have expected. She stood still, though, as his finger ghosted over the scar, up and down, over and over.
"…Rei."
"Mm?"
"Why did you leave?"
She had expected this question to crop up again, sooner or later. Rei glanced back at him and saw that his expression was not hostile, merely inquisitive. He spoke with the flat neutrality of sheer curiosity, no ill intentions, no harbored antagonism. But still, she had not talked to Tyki about it, and something seemed wrong in telling Kanda first.
She turned back around and didn't answer.
"…Bookman knows, doesn't he?" said Kanda. "It's why he forgave you."
Rei still said nothing.
Kanda's touch disappeared and there was a rustling behind her as he sat up as well, his shoulder brushing hers as they stared at their reflections in the mirror across from them. Kanda's hair was messily sticking up on one side where Rei had run her hand through it, but he didn't do anything to rectify his disheveled appearance; he, after all, was still a god of a man, disheveled or not.
"Do you have to know?" she said suddenly. "Now, I mean?"
"…It would help me," he said, getting off the bed to shower.
She turned to him as he disappeared into the bathroom.
"Help you what?" she called.
There wasn't a reply for so long that Rei thought he'd just ignored her like he typically did. When he answer, though, she could tell that it held a tint of curt annoyance directed to the both of them.
"…Sort myself out."
Mira Chang was the world's most terrible roommate, friend, and now, doctor. She was witnessing firsthand the empty pit that was Tyki when it came to alcohol and could only watch in a mixture of horror and fascination as he seemed to down one shot of vodka after another without being slightly affected.
"Want some?"
"It's three in the afternoon," said Mira disapprovingly.
"Live a little," he scoffed, handing her a shot glass. "I could tell even from your reactions last night—you're so controlling, so…on top of things. By the book. It's just alcohol."
"If you black out—"
"You can call the ambulance," said Tyki cheekily. "Cheers?"
She poured herself a shot and clinked the glass against his.
"To…long life and prosperity," she said sardonically.
"I'd like that," he said, nodding to her and drinking it. "Mm…wonderful."
"Okay," said Mira, setting down her empty drink, "I really have to head home to change into my scrubs—"
"Don't you have a day off? It's not even the New Year yet."
"People have accidents regardless of the day, Tyki."
"C'mon, Mira," he grinned, grabbing her by the wrist as she attempted to leave. "Life is much more fun with you around."
He was a liar and she knew it, but again it was that unexplainable attraction that pulled her to his lap—the more she thought about it, the less her guilt made sense. He and Rei hadn't been dating…and all she'd done was…well…like him, and then sleep with him…was it that bad?
His hand slipped over her shoulder and down her shirt, causing her to stiffen.
"Mira," he said huskily, his hand cupping her breast firmly.
"No," she said, strained, "I…"
"Stay a little?" he whispered.
Why was it that she was so vulnerable to him—she couldn't even protest properly when his hands came prowling predatorily over her body, sliding her clothes off easily and—
"No," she gasped, tugging herself out of his grasp and fixing her clothes. "We've done it three times already and I don't know how I'm going to function if it continues on like this."
He looked mildly disappointed.
"Fine…but you'll stay, right?"
Mira nodded uncertainly.
"Have you ever snorted cocaine?"
She stared in disbelief.
"What—hell no! I'm a doctor!"
"It's not bad for you," he sighed. "It's been medically proven as a brain tonic and even remedial for cancer—"
"Do you have cancer?" she said, seething.
"No," he replied, "but if I said I did, would you want to some to snort with me?"
"You are—"
"There's always a first time for everything," he said, heading to his room to presumably raid his stash. "Besides, it's always more fun when we're drunk."
"…Did something happen between them?" said Rei, bewildered as she saw Allen and Lenalee deliberately ignoring each other as they set up for the photo shoot.
Kanda shrugged. "The bean sprout's probably mad that Lenalee got drunk last night."
"…But there's nothing wrong with that—"
"You don't know Lenalee when she's drunk," said Kanda with a miniscule shudder. "She gets clingy and vulnerable without even knowing it—she's a prime example of how women get taken advantage of when they're intoxicated."
"So Allen's just worried about her," said Rei as slid the sleeves of her dress over her shoulders. "Where's the zipper on this thing?"
Kanda stood behind her and pulled the zipper up her back slowly, but not before his hand slid down the dip of her back smoothly before trailing its way up with the zipper. She shot him a warning glance through the salon's mirror which he ignored impassively.
The door opened suddenly and the two of them separated fairly quickly to leave a few feet of distance between them. Allen's head appeared behind a stack of boxes with an uncharacteristic frown on his face.
"Am I interrupting something?" he said.
"No, of course not," said Rei. "Do you…uh…need help?"
Allen looked between the two of them and his frown deepened.
"Did something happen between you two?" he said, setting the boxes down against the wall.
"Are you growing senile?" said Kanda. "Is your old age finally catching up to you? Does it look like something's happened? Or are you just deaf?"
"I was just asking," hissed Allen.
"You and Lenalee okay?" said Rei.
"You can't leave her alone to go get drinks—and clearly, she'd had enough," said Kanda. "She's going to get raped when you're not looking—"
"I know that!" said Allen angrily. "I told her to stay put, and she was sober then! But then she downed like five shots when I wasn't looking and wandered off before I came back—and when I did, Leila was practically pulling some guy off of her—speaking of which…" His expression cleared. "Why weren't you with Leila?"
Allen was now frowning so deeply that a wrinkle had appeared between his eyebrows.
"In fact…how come you two came in together today?"
"I gave her a ride," deadpanned Kanda.
"From where?" said Allen.
"Her house."
"Liar," said Allen vindictively. "Lavi checked this morning to see if Rei was home—she hasn't been in since last night."
"Where are you going with this?" said Rei wearily.
Allen's voice dropped low. "If you two are…together—"
"We're not," they both said immediately and concurrently.
"Definitely not," said Rei.
"You think I would even think of touching her?" said Kanda with his magnificent condescension. "I have a much larger pool to choose from, thanks."
Rei glared at him, to which she could've sworn she saw Kanda smirk. Allen continued to look between the two of them, still dubious.
"Well…none of my business, but—"
"Yeah, you're right, bean sprout," said Kanda sourly, "none of your business—instead, why don't you keep a better lookout on Lenalee or I'll tell her sister complex of a brother that you let her be in a room with a pack of savage men—"
"Fine, fine," said Allen, raising his hands up in surrender. "I was just guessing—clearly nothing is going on—"
"I got drunk last night, Allen," said Rei, deciding to be upfront about it. "Kanda saw me and took me to a hotel room—nothing happened, I fell asleep on the bed, him on the couch. There. That's it."
Allen nodded. "Okay then. Anyway, I just came here to tell you that we're good to go."
"Yep…" said Allen more to himself than anyone else, "something definitely happened…"
"What was that?" said Cross.
"Nothing, Shishou…"
"Did you say something happened between those two?"
"Uh…"
"I'm not mad at you, idiot. I agree—I'm just not sure if I'm right."
"Nope…" said Allen, watching as Rei leaned her head comfortably on Kanda's shoulder. "I'm pretty sure you're right…you can tell by the way they're looking at each other…"
They shot right inside one of Illusion's pre-setup rooms, a large room with high ceilings and aged, white brick walls that contrasted with the rest of Illusion's strictly modern architecture. The wardrobe for the shoot, however, was contemporary cosmopolitan. Kanda donned his uncommonly worn white-framed glasses that complemented his white suit, which, again, was one that he didn't wear often. For the first time, Rei was not wearing a dress, but instead wore a soft, loose peach blouse tucked into a high-waist skirt. Over this was a stiff red cape-like coat, with no clear sleeves except for the slits out which her arms from the elbow down unobtrusively protruded. Matching her coat was a cute solid red hat that only emphasized the femininity of the whole outfit—it differed from the previous black and white harshness from the previous shoot.
"So we're going for modern city couple today, obviously," said Cross louder so that Kanda and Rei could hear. "The whole purpose of these shoots is to have a stark juxtaposition of old and new, ancient and modern—in other words, you're a timeless couple. The story of everything is up for subjective interpretation, but I'm thinking of it as reincarnation—Kanda, how many more pieces have you got finished?"
"A couple," he said offhandedly.
"Might want to get a move on," said Cross under his breath as he peered down into the camera. "I don't want it too intimate today—act as if you're walking away from each other, but—oh."
It was obvious what Cross had been so surprised about—the directions were pointless past a certain point, for Rei and Kanda moved possessed with the same mentality without words; they walked away from each other, but their hands remained loosely intertwined, Rei's scarlet nails as vibrant as blood against Kanda's pale skin. And though their body language spoke of indifference otherwise, Allen saw them sneaking glances at each other—startlingly enough, always at the same time. One quick look back, one click of the camera.
The shoot continued in silence; Cross did not direct but instead let them do what felt natural—slowly, they came back together, hands drawn apart as Rei's arms climbed up Kanda's neck and his slipped around her waist. Everything about it radiated "couple," rich couple, complicated couple, self-driven and motivated couple, but still, couple. Allen watched curiously—the shoot emanated a tenderness that hadn't existed in the previous ones, a comfort that had always been held back before. No, they were definitely lying—something had happened.
His mind wandered. Had they slept together? If he was thinking about the Rei and Kanda from a long time ago, the answer would've been no, but the two of them had changed immensely in that aspect, and for some reason, it wasn't as scandalous a speculation as he would've thought.
"…Um…Allen?"
The sound of Lenalee's voice behind him automatically pulled his thoughts away from the potential couple in front of him. Allen turned around to find a guilty and somewhat ill-looking Lenalee behind him.
"Hi," she said hesitantly.
Allen turned back around to watch the work unfolding in front of him.
"Hey," he said reluctantly.
"…Are you still mad?"
"…Yes," he said acidly, though he sounded much less angry than he wanted to be.
Lenalee sat gingerly down beside him and hugged her knees.
"…I'm sorry…" she said. "I know I was supposed to be more responsible than that—I was just…um…excited…"
"It was dangerous," said Allen shortly.
Lenalee winced. "I know…but I was taking shots with Rei and I…I guess I had underestimated her drinking capacity…"
"That's not an excuse, Lenalee," he said sternly, but keeping his voice in an undertone so that he wouldn't disturb Cross. "You should know better than that—Rei ended up having to have Kanda take care of her, and then Leila and I had to take care of you—it's scary when I think about what could've happened. What would I say to Komui-san? That I couldn't take care of you properly? He'd kill me."
Lenalee was silent as she continued to hug her knees tightly and started to rock back and forth. This was the position she took when she felt guilty and had no consolation—Allen sighed and patted her head, thinking ruefully that he couldn't stay angry with Lenalee even if he tried.
"Don't do that again, okay?" he said. "I'm scared for you a lot of the time."
Knowing that she had been forgiven, Lenalee flashed him a brilliant smile.
"Mm-hm," she said, pecking him on the cheek. "And you'll have to take care of me anyway, so we can just get drunk together next time—"
"Lenalee…"
"Just kidding," she said hastily. "Seriously. Um…oh, I forgot to tell you—Leila's waiting in the lobby."
"For who?"
"Kanda, of course."
Allen grimaced. For some reason, he didn't feel against Kanda and Rei…but that wasn't necessarily good…
This didn't bode well at all.
"What are you doing here?" said Kanda as he sad down in his office.
"I'm not even allowed here anymore, you're so preoccupied with your model now?" said Leila without antagonism.
"I don't like hearing shit, Leila."
"Where did you go last night?" said Leila, crossing her arms.
"Some things came up," said Kanda.
"Rei," said Leila understandingly.
"Don't be mistaken," he said warningly. "Nothing happened."
"You really can't expect me to believe that," she smiled demurely.
Kanda sighed and rubbed his temples—it was already six in the evening, which meant that he was starving and still had a lot of work to do. The shoot had gone smoothly, but a little too smoothly—it had gotten to the point where the two of them hadn't wanted to move away from the camera at all.
Leila sat down on his desk and slid a hand up his chin to force eye contact with her.
"Do you want to know something interesting?" she asked.
"What," he deadpanned.
"Did you know that this entire time we've dated, I haven't shagged anyone else, right?"
Kanda's eyes flickered.
"No," he said honestly. "I didn't."
"I only gave you that impression because that seemed like what you were used to," she said with a smile. "An open relationship. But I knew that you never slept around with anyone else—Cera told me. Your use of girlfriends is only to keep the media and fan girls off your back—they could sleep around however they wanted, as long as they kept it quiet. I started dating you, though, because I seriously liked you, and I didn't mind that you weren't too attached because I thought it was something that would come with time. It would be an open relationship, but not really—I'd only give that impression to you and then perhaps we'd work our way somewhere. I never really thought that you'd actually end up sleeping with someone else though."
"What are you getting at?" he said, a flash of anger crossing his face.
"Don't play stupid, Kanda. I know—you and Rei. Even if you didn't shag her, you do have a soft spot for her."
"You're a fucking lunatic."
"I'm certainly not," laughed Leila. "I told you before, but I don't think you took me seriously—I am a little jealous. And I wish you would stop of your own volition before I made you."
Kanda narrowed his eyes. Leila only grinned.
"What? You can break up with me, Kanda—that could work. But when you do, I'll be sure to tell the reason why—you cheated on me with your little doll."
"Are you serious?" said Kanda, arching an eyebrow. "Blackmail?"
"Not really…just a tiny threat."
Kanda scoffed and leaned back in his seat. "You know, I had a couple of pre-screens before I consented to date someone. Attractive, for obvious reasons. Not an idiot, because I can't stand them. Not a fan girl, because they're the equivalent of suicide. And coming a step back from the 'not fan girl' rule, not clingy. You've just crossed that line."
"Seriously?" said Leila. "So you dated every single girl in the last four years in an attempt to merely stave of the public and amuse yourself while waiting for what? For Rei? That's borderline pathetic."
"And you're not at this point?" said Kanda crudely. "Che…"
"Call me what you will," said Leila, standing up, "I'm just stating my course of action in the event you do break up with me."
"Do what you want," said Kanda indifferently. "I'm not running for prime minister—I don't give a damn what others think of me."
"Oh, but does Rei?"
Kanda glared at her.
"Just food for thought, Kanda," said Leila as she left the room.
He had a fucking banquet full of food for thought.
"Well?" said Eiji.
Leila shook her head. "I think they slept together last night. I don't think this is going to work."
"I need you to try," said Eiji urgently. "By any means, separate them."
"I'll try, but seriously, is this a big deal?" said Leila, running a hand through her hair. "I mean, honestly…I have to pretend like I'm some love-stricken prick…Kanda's great in bed, but not that great—"
"Spare us the details," said Lulu curtly. "I have no inclination to know the apparent wonders that the world's most androgynous male does in bed." She handed her a fat envelope. "The deal remains the same—separate the two of them, you get the rest of your money."
"I hate to do this to poor, beautiful Kanda," sighed Leila, taking the envelope, "but oh well…c'est la vie, no?"
Lulu smirked. "C'est la vie."
"Tyki," said Road, hitting him on the head lightly with a rolled up magazine, "you're a bad, bad boy."
"Road…"
"Lulu and Eiji are furious with you."
"Are you?" said Tyki.
"I was merely worried," said Road, crossing her arms and looking the other way.
"You have gotten so prissy," he muttered, downing his glass of wine. "Who the hell taught you that?"
"A lady—"
"Fuck being a lady."
Road looked at him concernedly as he poured himself another liberal glass. Her tone changed and he could hear the genuine anxiety in it.
"Tyki, please stop drinking so much."
"It's only my…"
"Fourth glass," said Road curtly, reaching over and taking it away. "Enough."
Tyki exhaled and ruffled his little sister's hair.
"Not you too, Road dear."
"I'm worried about you," she said seriously. "Didn't you ever think about what was going to happen to me if you actually did die?"
"I'm not going to die, Road," he said, plucking the glass from her. "I'm quite healthy, and—"
"You're not," said Road sharply. "You're not, and for once, everyone else is right. Have you seen the news?"
"That's precisely why I'm drinking so much," said Tyki. "My last girl saw the news and snapped out of the spell I cast on her—right when I'd gotten a doctor-in-the-making to snort coke with me too—"
"What?" interrupted Road.
"It's harmless," said Tyki reassuringly.
"Tyki," said Road with utter lack of amusement. "You need to get yourself cleaned up. Rehab—"
"Now you sound like Rei," he murmured, setting aside his empty glass and now reaching for a cigarette.
"Well, hasn't it occurred to you that she's right?"
"No, not really."
"Tyki!"
"She's not right. And even if she were, I couldn't believe her because I don't trust her."
"Why?" said Road.
"Because," he said under his breath as he breathed in deeply, "she doesn't trust me."
"Still working?"
Kanda looked up from the stacks and stacks of papers in front of him to see a casually dressed and make-up free Rei.
"What are you doing here?"
He couldn't say that he was annoyed to see her, but his comfort around her had spoiled slightly—Leila's words did not disturb him, necessarily, but they added onto a burden he was already trying to sort out.
"I don't have a ride ho—well, anywhere, actually, since I don't want to go home," she replied, sitting down in front of him. "I've been wandering around your building this entire time—a really beautiful place, truthfully speaking."
Kanda looked at the clock—it was almost ten o'clock.
"You wandered for four hours?" he said incredulously.
"All thirteen floors," she smiled, eating something out of her hand. "Eating all the while."
Kanda glimpsed at what she was eating.
"Almonds?" he said, thunderstruck.
"What?" she said innocuously. "They're good for you."
"You're only supposed to eat a little bit a day—have you been eating that for all four hours?"
"No," she smirked, "I ate chocolate for the first two."
Kanda stared at her.
"Are you," he said through gritted teeth, "or are you not a fucking model?"
"Eh," she said nonchalantly, finishing the rest of the almonds in her hand. "I've never been one to worry about my weight—for the first eighteen years, I exercised, for the last four, I dieted. Or starved myself. It was an on-and-off thing."
"You—"
"What are you reading?" she said, leaning over and taking the first sheet in front of him.
"Contracts," he muttered, setting his glasses down. "If we're going to expand, I need to get the right connections and see that our shareholders are reliable."
"Mm…are you going international?" said Rei.
"Just the West right now," said Kanda. "I'll deal with Asia later—it'll come easier because I can join with Tiedoll Corp."
"Maybe you shouldn't wait," she said. "The way the economy is globally right now, the U.S. and Europe aren't the best—in the meantime, Asia's rich are just getting richer, especially China. You should think about targeting the upper echelon there."
Kanda nodded succinctly. "I'll think about it."
Rei handed him back the sheet, which he took with wordless thanks.
"It's funny—I'm at NYU working my ass off to hopefully get into a business school and you're here with your own thriving company," she said. "The disparity…"
"Why are you going into business?" said Kanda, as if the idea were completely absurd.
"I'm graduating in a year," she replied, "I have to get a better grip on my future after college. I'm going to start applying next year and see if I can stay at NYU. Their business school is consistently in the top ten—"
"No, I mean," he interrupted, "why are you studying? Why are you going back?"
Rei looked at him, a little confused by what he was saying.
"I'm going back because I have to make a future for myself," she explained, as if he had asked how many letters were in the alphabet.
"What the fuck is going on," said Kanda irritably. "I don't even know who the hell I'm talking to—are you Rei or Mimi or your roommate or—"
A little smirk crept to Rei's lips.
"They're the same person," she said.
"No," he said defiantly. "They're not. Mimi is the one who got drunk last night and—"
"So Mimi's the one who slept with you?"
This stumped Kanda. Rei's smirk widened.
"You're right, let's talk about this," she said. "Mimi, I suppose, is the persona I created to help me blend into my surroundings and stay out of your radar in the last four years. But that doesn't mean she isn't, well…me. Sure, you can think of it as a little switch—need a confidence boost, Mimi-mode, need to seduce someone, Mimi-mode, need to study, Mimi-mode. I only need Rei-mode when…well, I never need Rei-mode. Rei-mode ensures insecurity and immaturity and unreasonable decisions. But rather than think about it like I'm crazy, you can think of it as Rei from four years ago and Rei now. Much like we could think of it as eighteen year old Kanda and twenty-two year old Kanda. It's one and the same, just with four years worth of changes." Rei smiled. "Get it?"
"…So which are you now?" he said. "Rei-mode or Mimi-mode?"
"A little of both, I guess," she said honestly. "Mimi-mode drove me to sleep with you. But…I'd rather not think of it like that—it makes me sound schizophrenic. Let's think of it as…" Rei paused, evidently trying to formulate the words. "I, as Matsumomo Rei, made the rash decision last night to boldly hook up with someone because I wanted to get away from reality. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, that someone was you. But I, as Matsumomo Rei, am making the conscious decision to…" She averted her gaze, "hang out here with you because I want to, and in the end, both these decisions are mine, no one else's." She grinned. "Get it?"
His head hurt.
"Let's just stick with business," he said, tossing her some contracts. "It's less talkative."
"What the hell are you doing."
"I'm done reading."
"So now you're—what are you drawing?"
She grinned slyly. "You. I took an art class at school—I'm pretty good, aren't I?"
"Picasso in the making," he said sarcastically, dumping another pile of papers next to her. "You fucking suck—"
"You swallow," she muttered.
There was a pause.
"…What?" said Kanda.
"What?" she repeated.
"Did you just—I'm going to rip that fucking paper to shreds—your mind is down the fucking gutter—"
"It was a joke, it was a joke," she said hastily, grabbing for her artwork, "it's a joke at school but—oh, you dickhead…"
He tore the paper into sixteenths and tossed them in the waste bin. Rei sighed and leaned back in her seat.
"No sense of humor, whatsoever…"
"No one needs your kind of humor," he snarled. "Look through the designs and screen them."
"Are they yours?" she asked.
"No, Anja's."
"Where is she, anyway? I haven't seen her around."
"Back in the Bahamas," said Kanda. "She's such a…"
"Dominatrix?"
Kanda stared at her.
"Oh. Wrong word. I meant she's just a dominating person, but…well, she probably is a dominatrix too, her personality—"
"Speak one more word and I will cut off your tongue," he deadpanned. "Do your work."
"Your work," she corrected, flipping through the pages. "To think that you would trust me enough for fashion…I'm honored, so honored…"
They worked in silence after that. Kanda's head was buzzing with information overload—a branch in New York was a must—she'd changed a lot—Tiedoll was going to help—but he didn't mind the changes—upper echelon of China?—still comfortable, still serene, that was all that mattered—Leila—problems—and still no answers from Rei—
His phone rang suddenly and nearly to his relief. Kanda answered it without checking to see who it was.
"Kanda."
"Kanda," said Lavi Bookman, "you won't believe who the hell just opened Mikk's door—I didn't even know she was here—and if Rei knows, then no wonder she didn't come back home last night—Mikk just dug himself a hole to hell—"
"What the hell are you talking about?" said Kanda, completely bewildered.
Lavi let out a breath. "I went to Rei's to see if she was back because I hadn't seen her in a while, and she hasn't been picking up her phone, so I got a little worried. She wasn't home though, so I knocked on Mikk's door and then Mira fucking Chang opens the door—"
"Who's that?" said Kanda.
Lavi let out a noise of aggravation. "Rei's roommate. Her best friend from school."
"Oh. Oh." Kanda glanced over at Rei, who was looking at him curiously. "Well…so they're fucking?"
"Yeah, she was dressed but then Mikk came out in a towel and said that she'd forgotten her bra—"
"Don't want to know," said Kanda silkily. "That explains a lot, though."
"Explains what?"
Kanda addressed Rei. "Bookman says he's been looking for you and you're not answering his calls."
Kanda heard Lavi utter, "Shit" on the other line, but Rei seemed impassive.
"Oh. Yeah, I turned off my phone."
"He says Mikk's been sleeping with your friend. Roommate. Whatever."
"Mm," said Rei.
"What are you two doing together?" said Lavi.
"Are you using a secure phone line?" asked Kanda.
"Yeah, I mean, my cell, and it can't be tapped, but that's not the point—"
Rei beckoned for Kanda to hand over the phone, to which he arched his eyebrows. Only when Rei mouthed, "I'll tell him the truth," did Kanda consent.
"…Bookman?" she said, pausing to hear his reply. "Yeah, I'm fine. No, really—I thought about it—I didn't have a logical reason to get angry, it's not like we're dating. No…seriously, Bookman, grow a pair, would you? Yeah, I'm with Kanda. …Why? Eh…we slept together last night."
There was an explosion on the other side of the phone, for Rei winced and held it away from her ear. Kanda could hear every blaring word.
"WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED WITHOUT ME LOOKING?" came Lavi's voice.
"We slept together in the morning too," said Rei, looking at her still-red nails.
"WHAT IS GOING ON?"
"Truthfully, nothing," she answered calmly. "I'm just hanging out with Kanda because, well, I like hanging out with him, and I don't want to go back to that shoddy apartment. As maturely as I want to handle this, it seems that I can't help but still be resentful, and therefore I do not want to see either Tyki or Mira. And funnily enough, I'm actually pretty happy right now."
She paused for his response.
"I'm making a mistake? …I may," she admitted. "Though for a mistake, it feels pretty damn good. Okay, I'm fine, stop freaking out and trying to find me. Goodnight!"
She hung up with a look of satisfaction and handed the phone back to Kanda.
"I'm the rebound," he said resentfully.
"You've already said that, and I did say yes, but more importantly…" She pointed to the phone. "Will he blab?"
"He's got the biggest mouth among all of us but he's got more sense than that," said Kanda. "Still, tell Bookman and not Walker?"
"I did some thinking," she said. "For Bookman, it's easier to convince him that it's just sex. Allen…not so much."
Kanda looked at her skeptically.
"And is it just sex?" he asked casually.
Rei's gaze flickered to meet his.
"We'll see," she said thinly.
Kanda didn't know how to feel about that, but Rei steered the topic elsewhere.
"I've filtered the designs to my top ten—"
His phone rang again, but it was just the text message alert.
Tell Rei I've already told Mikk why she left, it read. I said she made a mistake and it might seem to you that she didn't, but you can't let it go on, Kanda.
"Who is it?" said Rei.
Kanda stowed it back in his pocket.
"Alma being creepy."
"He seems nice," she said.
"No. Creepy."
She laughed and proceeded to show him the designs she found that she liked.
He wanted to know what had happened four years ago, that was true.
But at the same time, he didn't know if it was worth it. There was still such a considerable amount of food for thought to consume, but he knew that it was shared, that in those four hours of Rei wandering in his company, she had pondered the same issues he had been thinking about.
Yet, they were still here—still in that same peace, same comfort, same wavelength. It wasn't just sex, but it wasn't love either.
He didn't know what it was exactly, but regardless, it made sense that they didn't want to give it up quite yet.
free talk:
thank you immensely to everyone for their encouragement. i hope you enjoyed this chapter.
sadly, here ends my commitment to weekly/more-frequent updates. i go back to school this week and really need to fully focus on academics, but i will definitely try to update when i can. in the meantime, thank you for sticking with me for two years (i forgot to mention last time i updated that i'd just passed DIW's second birthday), and i don't think this will make it to a third, but everything must end some day. :)
lj later with more about the chapter.
have a brilliant semester!
xoxo,
m.n
