And another =3
We do not own kingdom hearts
It must of been an hour or so later before Axel finally woke up, feeling absolutely rotten and distraught from his nightmares. He circled up in a ball about to shakily reach out for Roxas, needing that affection but only to find he wasn't there. His everything sank into a deep dark pit, Roxas lied to him... He left again.
Hugging his pillow he slowly started to sniffle before silent tears dripped from his weeping eyes.
He was going to tell him, because it would be the best thing for Roxas right now.. And he himself needed time to heal, and couldn't if Roxas was with him just making him sadder. His only chance of happiness was ripped from him when Roxas denied his proposal a first time... But the second broke him. It would be best if they had another break... Only a week.. He needed that week to heal just as Roxas did when he left to go with his family. After all... He was happier with them.. They gave him the happiness he needed.
The bed shifted. Roxas lifted up his head from the pages of the book to start getting up, wincing as Aiko tried to cling onto his shirt but ended up jumping to the floor. If only they could get rid of her hind claws too… "Hey babe." Whispering as he sat back on the edge of the bed, being careful like before and not touching Axel other than to adjust the blanket over his shoulders, softly letting his fingers linger on top of the duvet for a few seconds longer than needed. "Feeling any bett-" About to smile and hope for the best he faltered at the sight of tears, his gaze falling to the bed and hand moving away. Why couldn't he do this! He just kept messing everything up didn't he!
Calming down instantly when he heard Roxas's voice, and relaxing when he felt his touch against his shoulder.
He had to stop being so weak for Roxas's sake, for now anyway.
"H-hey Rox..." Turning to face the blond. Smiling weakly and reaching his hand out to cup his cheek and hesitating before stroking it slowly.
"Yeah.. Now I know your still here." Well it was a relief that he stayed... It proved that Roxas did still want him... He hoped so anyway.
Roxas looked up as the bed moved and Axel turned his way, blinking at his voice though looking relieved at his boyfriend's smile, very gently pressing his face into the large hand. "Morning blueberry." Using the playful term that the red-head had on him while he was in the same situation. Well it was obvious his pill was working, his eyes were just the slightest bit brighter and his smile looked real. "I never left babe, I was here just like I promised." Hesitating a moment before he carefully reached up to the hand on his face and put the tips of his fingers on the back of it softly. It was as close as he could get to holding his hand without scaring him. "Do you need anything?"
Moving his hand to interlock their fingers together. He was going to show Roxas... Maybe they could be together, without all the fighting and all the tears, drama...
Shaking his head he smiled. "I'm fine." Using his free hand to wipe away his tears.
"Thank you anyway." His lip twitching into a gradual smile. Blueberry... He remembered saying that to Roxas when things were bad for him.
Roxas smiled as his hand was taken, keeping his grasp gentle and yet secure at the same time. He had to prove it to him. Prove he wouldn't leave, prove that he meant his love and he wouldn't ever hurt him. "Alright." Adjusting himself on the bed so he wasn't about to fall off the edge and stroking his thumb alone his boyfriend's hand softly. "Tell me if you do okay I'll get it-Hello Aiko." Blinking as the kitten suddenly vaulted onto the bed and started meowing as she crawled over his lap and headed for their combined hand, bumping her skull into it with her ears back and purring.
"I'll be f-." Blinking back as the kitten interrupted their intimate moment though still weakly smiling.
"Hey Ai." Her daddy greeting her and letting his fingers slip from Roxas's to pet the little girl.
Making room for his... Hopefully still boyfriend though he did edge closer to him in the end... He didn't want to be afraid of him... Though he had no right to... He hadn't done anything to scare him... Apart from the times he had been rejected by him...
Roxas allowed the hand to slip away, pulling himself further on the bed as more room was made but just barely, thinking part of the reason Axel moved was because he needed space. That wasn't a problem though seeing as he came closer again. The blonde offered a weak smile before trying again to reach out to him by reaching for his head slowly and petting the tips of his fingers on the top of his head where he wouldn't feel it. "She's worried about you too." Smiling softly at his lover as he played with the kitten who was purring loudly and every time Axel's fingers came close to her mouth she would lick it.
Axel nodded. "She's clever... She reads me like a book." He admitted. It was strange, Aiko read them both better than themselves. But she was good for them as she brought them closer. Petting her spine and scratching behind her ear and listening to her soft purring as he did so, and smiling soft when she 'kissed' his fingers.
"Babe... I'm sorry about this morning.." Hiding his face this time. "I-I didn't mean to bring that up yet. I planned the whole thing... I was gonna do it when we moved out and were in our own place... That is if you still want too..." Of course he was on about the ring, moving in together and getting married.
"She is." Agreeing with his boyfriend quickly over the kitten's intelligence. Then again she was a mane coon, one of the smarter species of feline… He wasn't ready for Axel to start speaking again, especially not on such a topic. His eyes fell slightly as he bit his lip and stopped his fingers from their place on his boyfriend's head. "It's okay…" Well at least he apologized… that was a little much to take in… especially after their fight last night. Roxas did glance up at his last statement though, smiling and nodding before realizing that Axel couldn't see the gesture. "Of course I do. Want me to call tonight and make an appointment to see the apartment on Thursday or something?" That was the next day of the week he got out of work early… he had to go in tomorrow and he was honestly afraid to leave Axel home alone.. .
Axel looked over and nodded. "Yeah. That'll be great and... Thursdays fine." Though he didn't smile this time. Roxas said it was okay... But he didn't say anything about.. 'that topic' which he took it as Roxas didn't want to marry him.. Well at least not yet. Maybe.. He'd hang onto it.. Maybe sometime in the future it would go onto Roxas's finger... Or someone else's... But... Could he love someone else? He doubt it.
And it was bothering him that he didn't mention the engagement wasn't it? Roxas hesitated a moment, as if wondering if he could before reaching out and softly putting his hand back over his love's and squeezing it softly. "A-And I'll wait for you. Until you're ready for the commitment. You're the only one I will ever love." Smiling at him while blushing softly, hoping with all his heart that Axel believed him this time…
Axel's face heated up. So Roxas would marry him?
"It's not that Rox... It's just I messed up last night. I want to ask you properly when we do move in. I was going to do it the week we settled into the new apartment. Can you wait until we move? Or do you just want me to get it over with now?" Asking as his hand slowly ghosted over Roxas's left hand.
He was going to do it once they moved? Well that was better than this shithole apartment… Even still Roxas still hesitated at his question, flushing as his boyfriend touched his hand. "Whatever you want to do. Either way Axel my answer will still be yes. Cause really… I already know I'll be with you forever." He had to endure so much in this relationship, he was never letting it go even if they were completely torn apart.
Blushing heavily and nodding and holding his hand shyly before finally smiling.
"Thanks. I'm glad about that." Well that did make him feel a little bit better about himself, even though he hadn't put the ring on his boyfriends finger yet, it gave them both something to look forward to.
When they would finally move and settle in he'd have to start preparing for that day, when he'd properly ask for Roxas's hand.
"So... Sora and Riku? Have they sorted out their wedding yet?" Coughing before he changed the subject slightly.
The sudden subject change caught him a little off guard; he didn't think Axel would care to ask him about that! Oh well it made him smile anyway. "Yeah it's all planned. They were gonna do it on the beach in the spring. With how long their guest list looked it's like they're inviting the whole island plus this world." Hesitating for a moment he moved to lay down on the bed as well, stroking the falling asleep kitten that lay between them. "Since Sora doesn't really have a family he was going to have me walk him down… they want you there too." That would come as surprise… then again it shocked him when Sora asked if Axel would want to go.
"Oh whoa! That's great hon." So Roxas was giving Sora to Riku, that was a huge honor to anyone!
Axel was just as shocked to find out he was invited, he would of thought it was on their 'most hated list' after what happened with Roxas.
"Really? Are you sure they said me? They don't exactly like me..." Drawing off towards the end.
"Ax, it's Sora. He can't hate anyone. And he has Riku following his every whim." Roxas tried to start explaining after his boyfriend sounded so put out. "I explained everything to them, why do you think they let me come home? And no, he didn't actually say you. He said 'that sexy red-head that follows you around like a cute puppy'. I don't know any more red-heads." Smiling as he brushed his free hand down Aiko's spine with a small smile.
Axel blushed heavily at been called a 'sexy redhead', so much so he hid his face in his hands. "Oh god... I'm not! You sure Sora was on about the right redhead?" But put his face up and grinning slightly. "I guess I am pretty sexy, don't you agree?" Well slowly he was starting to get back to his old self.
"I'm pretty sure! You're the sexiest red-head I know!" Roxas couldn't help but laugh as Axel tried to deny it. Well Axel was the only red-head he knew actually… besides his family that was. And he barely knew them either! Well besides that Kiko was one of the very rare non evil doctors… As Axel's confidence came back the blonde smiled brightly and nodded, "Very sexy. Everyone knows you're the attractive one in this relationship!"
Axel shook his head. "I disagree. You're gorgeous." Smiling but hesitating to put his arm around Roxas.. He wasn't ready for physical contact just yet.
His mind ticking for awhile before he paled again. "Oh no! We were meant to look at the apartment today!" Starting when he remembered that's what they were gonna do today.
The blonde blushed at this pouting as he glared down at the bed with a barely heard complaint over his appearance. He really wasn't… However Roxas looked startled as Axel reached for him but didn't touch him, giving him a smile to say it was alright. He was being brave and trying that's all that mattered. He rose an eyebrow at his boyfriends words, shaking his head with a smile after a second. "No, don't worry we'll go Thursday remember? Oh… do you need me to stay with you tomorrow?" He was supposed to work but there was no way he could with his boyfriend in this much pain! Hopefully Olette would understand…
Blushing as Roxas said it was okay for him to hold him, but he really couldn't do it... Not yet anyway, sliding his arm back to his side looking away as if he was a scolded child and sighed. He felt so weak.
'Thursday... Thursday should be fine.'
Finally staring back up at his boyfriend and nodded.
"Yeah that's alright with me... But no. I'll be fine on my own." He couldn't let his boyfriend say home just for him, he wasn't that important anyway, it didn't matter if he was home on his own for a few hours... No one really cared about him anyway.
He said nothing as he wasn't held, it was Axel's choice to anyway. And he sat in silence while waiting for his boyfriend to make up his mind over the last suggestions, smiling at the first though that disappeared suddenly as he refused the second. "Are you sure? Babe I can easily take off, I don't really want you to be left alone when you're hurt like this. Besides you stayed for me." Well that made up his mind whether or not Axel wanted him there, he was staying. Even if he wasn't allowed to touch his love he was still going to stay by his side to watch over him. Sitting up from the bed he gave a smile as he looked down at him, pausing only once to glance the time. "What do you want to eat? I can go make something quick." He wasn't taking no for an answer even though he was going to refuse himself. And again started the starvation torture he was so used to doing.
Shaking his head he sighed. "No, no it's fine. If I could I'd be straight back to work." Of course he wanted Roxas to stay! It was his way of testing his boyfriend. But soon as food was mentioned he shook his head.
He didn't feel hungry in fact he felt sick just thinking about food, his face practically turned green at the though. "No.. Please no. I'm not hungry.. Feel too ill." He wasn't lying about that. Just the whole of last nights events had put him off food...
"Nope, I'm staying. And no, you're not going back to work until I see you able to move without a limp. Bruises gotta be gone mister." Giving the tiniest smile with the fake stern tone in his voice. But he was serious, he didn't want his boyfriend hurting himself! At the subject change though he blinked and drew back with a small sigh and nodded. "Alright… that's okay. If you get hungry you tell me though okay?" Roxas murmured as he put his back against the headboard, had to keep his hands on Aiko in order to stop himself from touching his boyfriend. He just wanted to hold to comfort him but was too afraid to mess everything up!
Pouting and huffing something that sounded like "fine".
Rolling to the side as Roxas came closer though relaxing knowing his angel wouldn't do anything to hurt him, so nervously his hand came out to rest it's self on top of Roxas's waist. Closing his eyes silent tears ran down his cheeks again, he didn't know how long it would take for him to heal. He was scared of being pushed away from just holding his boyfriend... Scared Roxas would think he's... Dirty.
Without meaning to Roxas' eyes widened as Axel's arm came around his waist, smiling at the action only to have his expression fall as he noticed the tears. Out of reflex he moved his fingers to his boyfriend's face and wiped them away as softly as he could. "Shh… you're okay… Babe if you're scared don't force yourself to do anything." That was something he hated about his rapes.. Axel would keep trying to leave so he'd have no choice but to break his fear as fast as possible to appease him. Hell, the first time the next day he had to give himself to him again! "I love you Axel, I don't want you hurting yourself." Trying to offer a small smile, willing to give him as much time as he needed.
Okay.. Roxas wasn't pushing him away which made Axel calm down a little bit. Shaking he head he nodded but didn't let Roxas go. Is this how he felt when this happened to himself? From both times? God... Now he felt terrible for thinking leaving his boyfriend to heal on his own was a good idea... He must still think Axel is a jerk...
"I won't Rox..." And this time trying to rid his fear by cuddling up closer and breathing in the calming smell of his boyfriend.
Sometimes it was hard to believe that Roxas was really the younger one here… The blonde smiled as Axel cuddled closer instead of backing away, testing his luck by slowly putting his own arms softly around his love's shoulders and brushing the tips of his fingers against the man's back. "Tell me if you want me to back away." Muttering quietly, a little put out he had to say that for a simple hug but he knew how it felt…
He had to will himself to not to be afraid of his lover hugging him protectively, Axel knew he couldn't be afraid... Shaking his head silently though shivering at the smallest touch he received from Roxas, just as he was starting to relaxed he jumped nervously at the sound of a set of consecutive rings blaring through the apartment.
His eyes widened but realized it was the phone.
God damn it right when he was starting to get Axel relaxed! "Babe it's alright just the phone." Moving his arms from around the red-head slowly with a small smile and gently slipping away from him. "I'll get it, don't worry calm down. It cant hurt you…" Honestly Roxas felt like he was talking to a small child instead of his lover. But he gave a small smile of an apology as he backed towards the door and with a promise of "I'll make it quick" he opened the door and left it open so that Axel could hear and see him as he lifted up the phone and pressed the call button. Before he had time for a greeting there was a voice on the other end.
"Axel where are you! You were supposed to be in two hours ago! Hurry up we're swamped!"
Roxas' face fell at Tifa's voice coming through the phone, biting his lip and shaking his head before remember that wasn't visible. "He cant today and probably not for a couple more days."
Tifa didn't seem happy about this and her tone instantly became harsh. "He's missed too much work as it is, I've been nice so far but he's taken far too much leave-"
"He's hurt, I'm sorry he can't come in." Roxas was still trying to keep his tone quiet as he explained as much as he was willing to, to his boss. Pretty much that he was hurt last night and he couldn't move. She seemed to understand but was hesitant in giving him the time off. But on the condition that the next time he missed more than one day other than the days he was off that he would lose his job.
Sighing the blonde turned off the phone after the conversation was over and came back into the bedroom to sit on the edge of the bed. "Taken care of, don't worry." Giving a smile he hoped was real enough.
Looking up after clinging onto his pillow when Roxas came back.
"Who was it?" Asking as if he was trying to be brave. But he wasn't really but told himself to stop being so silly over the phone ringing, so he tried to sit up was given an unwelcomed stab of pain up his arse then through his spine.
Wincing as small beads tears formed but wiped them away before Roxas could say anything. "I'm fine! Just hurts a little." That was an understatement. It hurt A LOT!
"Whoa whoa lay down!" Jumping as Axel first started moving and staring with wide eyes as he watched his lover push himself up completely. Whimpering softly at the tears that gathered in his emerald eyes and trying to keep from crying himself at the sight. "N-No Ax, it doesn't hurt a little. I know, please… lay down." How could Axel try doing that with him? Saying he felt fine… he knew exactly how much it hurt after all! And no way in hell was it 'just a little'. Roxas didn't reach out to touch him though, afraid that would scare him and instead forced himself to try and answer the question. "I-it was just Tifa wondering where you were. I told her you wouldn't be able to come in, don't worry."
Looking ashamed when he was caught out and slid down the covers again, well was a silly blunder of him to make!
"Oh.. What did she say about that?" Looking up curiously once he had brought the covers around his shoulders once more, locking in the heat.
He relaxed as his boyfriend lay down, shoulders actually falling with an exhale. "Thank you." He really didn't want Axel hurting himself… Roxas only moved to touch his love when he slid down and tried to adjust the blanket, moving himself to do that job for him and lifting his book up off the floor, smiling in amusement as Aiko chuffed and tried curling in on herself more while her tail thudded against the bed sheets in annoyance. "Oh… Wanted to tell you to get better soon and you could have as much time as you needed off…" Pausing for a moment before bringing out the bad news. "She wasn't happy though… said this was your last time getting this much time off."
Snuggling into the duvet as it was pulled up more. "Thank you." Axel muttered quietly, soon as he found out about his job he sighed heavily.
No more time off? That meant he'd have to be in work tomorrow!
He doubted he could do it... But Axel knew he needed to keep that job down, for their sake of things.
"Oh... Really?" Looks as if he was working after all. "Oh... Alright then." His face falling. He needed to work anyway... But Roxas would try and stop him if he caught wind of him working!
"Yeah, you don't have to be in till at least Friday." Giving his boyfriend a smile and trying it again, placing his book on the night table before slowly starting to push himself to lay down on the bed. Sighing he tried relaxing against the bed, showing his boyfriend he was comfortable and wouldn't be moving anytime soon was about all he could do to keep him from freaking out again. "Are you tired?"
Oh okay then, that was good news then. At least the new employee could cover his missed shifts.
Nodding his head slowly as he yawned. "Just a little bit." And in pain... But he didn't voice this part. As he rather suffered the pain.
"I'm gonna sleep some more..." Muttering as he hugged his pillow shyly.
"Okay… you do that." Smiling faintly down at the older male and once again adjusting the blankets around his shoulders to make sure he was covered and warm. Aiko shifted irritably as her bed was moved and Axel took it over, though the kitten only proceeded to lay down again near her father's hip and curl back up in her ball, he eyes shutting before she had even managed to get her tail wrapped around her tiny white paws.
Smiling at the growing kitten and gently petting her head with the tips of his fingers.
"She's kinda like you in a way." Muttering sleepily before shutting his eyes and his hand falling dumbly to the side.
Though of course his sleep wasn't relaxing, in fact he suffered from nightmares of his attack over and over again.
Around six o'clock the bluenette called Zexion finally arrived home, the first thing he went to do was check on in on Roxas. He felt guilt for leaving the blond on his own with his unpredictable boyfriend, god knows what could of happened when he woke up! "Roxas?" He called though the apartment.
Roxas had stayed once again by his boyfriend's side the entire time, speaking softly to him words of comfort when it looked like he was having a bad dream though mostly had his eyes focused on the book Olette wanted him to finish. It was long so it wasn't like he could do this all at one time. Also realized when he was this stressed he took up Axel's habit and started biting at his thumb nail. When his name was finally called several hours later the blonde jumped in place, looking towards the door and then back to the sound asleep red-head, judging it safe to fold the page of the book and slip out of bed and into the other room, trying to make as little sound as he could as he opened and shut the door. "Hey, sorry I should've had dinner going it kinda slipped my mind." Well he was busy worrying over his boyfriend…
Widening his eyes he shook his head. "No, no it's fine! I was wondering if you were alright and everything. I came into check on you. And as for dinner it's my turn to cook tonight." Waving a hand to stop the blond from going anywhere near the kitchen.
"Come on, I'll make you a drink before I start on the food." Pointing at the sofa, insisting Roxas sat down before they had their chat.
"Oh, yeah everything's alright. He's asleep now." Smiling weakly as Zexion said it was his turn for dinner, giving a small sigh of relief that now he didn't have to stand on his feet and cook. Somehow he was exhausted… Roxas did give a small more real smile as Zexion ordered him to sit down without actually saying those words, being a good boy and wandering over and plopping down on the blue sofa with his legs underneath him crossed. "Thanks… how was work? I'm guessing not that busy on a Monday right?" Idle chit chat though casting nervous looks at the door, ready to bounce up and rush to Axel's side the moment he heard the bed move.
It didn't take Zexion long to pour them both a clear drink into tall glass tumblers, and returning to sit next to Roxas and handed him his Smirnoff Ice.
"It's lemony, you'll like it." 'I hope.' The last part wasn't added.
He quite liked this drink, the bluenette would never of known it was alcohol if he had never asked Demyx. It tasted pretty much like flat but fizzy lemonade.
"…Lemony? Like lemonade or something?" Asking as he rose an eyebrow and glanced at the drink in hand, biting his lip as he first cautiously smelled it than took the smallest sip. If he knew that it was alcohol he would've thrown a fit and dumped the cup out and not talk to Zexion for the rest of the night, though that's not what he initially thought. He trusted his friend wouldn't ever do something like that to him. "… Tastes funny…" But shrugged it off, he never had lemonade before so he wouldn't know…
Well... It was an alcopop... But ah well the guy needed to losen up.
"So how is everything?" Asking when he had circled up on the sofa, dropping his heavy bag off his shoulders before taking another sip of his drink. Going slowly of course. He was small after all.
"Like Axel and everything. How was he when I left? I felt bad for leaving you to look after him on your own." Especially a victim of rape...
Roxas hesitated a moment as Zexion asked the first question, staring down at the drink in his hands before sighing and bringing it back to his lips. "Not great really…" Muttering after he took another sip, couldn't tell if he liked it or not… "He was upset of course, he's still afraid of me… I can't even touch him without him crying and telling me to get away or looking like I'm about to hit him…" Was it wrong of him to want to look at Axel and just once say 'you did that to me'? He never did what Axel was, he never went into complete protection mode… and then being accused of not trusting his love at all when he made himself heal faster for him was so hurtful…
Zexion shook his head and sighed. "He sounds scared. And I don't blame him. You saw what was on that report... His own friend. But you got to make him see he can't be afraid of you." Taking a pause to sip at his drink again. "Show him there's nothing to be afraid of or nothing to be embarrassed about. Do what he couldn't do for you." Well he was offering his friend advice; it wasn't like he knew what it was like to be raped... Poor Roxas... It had happened to him to. By his boyfriend as well.
Roxas' face fell slightly as Zexion went on standing up for the red-head, guilt instantly filled him and he was left staring at the ground. "I know… I just… hate to see him so afraid of me. Always thought he was the brave one…" Sighing as he admitted it though nodding at his friend's final advice with a muttered "I'm trying." He was going to do it, he was going to be there for Axel and he wasn't going to force him. He was going to do everything for him…
Zexion put his drink to the side.
"Hey, everyone is allowed to slip out of their braveness for once in awhile. Even the big scary Axel." Offering him upset friend a small smile.
"Hey, he's strong. He'll heal quickly and be your knight in shining armor soon enough."
Unknown to the both of them in Axel's room the redhead had woken up only a few minutes ago. He heard voices talking through the thin walls, listening onto the conversation.
Roxas thought Axel was afraid of him?
He obviously didn't like that... Silent tears fell down his cheeks and he rubbed his swollen eyes. No. He had to stay strong for Roxas. He needed Axel to be there for him, not in bed broken like an over used doll.
"I know that's not what I'm saying… or maybe… I don't know…" Sighing again, running a hand through his messy hair. Hadn't bothered to do anything with it today and the spikes were becoming more of a mess than actually styled. He actually managed a weak smile and laugh as Zexion claimed the red-head was his knight in armor. "Yeah… guess he is. It's my turn to be strong though. Cant be sniveling around when he's hurt." Even if it meant holding everything inside and cutting in the night to get rid of his own pain, as long as he could be strong around Axel that's all that mattered.
"Hey, don't put yourself down over this. He's hurt just as you are. Why don't you guys go stay with your family for awhile? It might just freshen the air around you both again." Deciding to pick up his drink again and take a careful sip, as he continued to listen his friend and nodded.
Axel slowly sat up but winced at the pain and more silent tears sprung from his face. 'No! I have to be strong for Roxas!' Wiping his tears furiously from his face.
Roxas practically choked on his drink at that, coughing and trying not to look completely stunned up at his friend. "Z-Zexion I honestly think we've spent enough time away from each other. That doesn't help trust me…" Fading off at the end and staring at the ground while fingering his glass. "When I was hurt… I think he wanted me to heal on my own but I just wanted him there. I can't leave him now, because what if he feels the same? Besides I've spent too much time with my brother for a lifetime." And that's when he heard the bed squeak. Quickly he set down the drink and flashed an apologetic smile to his friend and rushed to the bedroom door, opening it quickly and gaping at Axel sitting up. "Whoa, whoa careful don't hurt yourself!" Seeing the tears and almost jogging over to the bed to try and calm the red-head down.
Shaking his head. "N-no you've misunderstood me! I meant you both go together." Running a hand through his hair, allowing both his eyes to be visible for a brief moment. Though he was left stunned when the blond shot off like a rocket into his room.
'Whoa.' His mouth hanging open slightly.
Axel looked up suddenly when Roxas appeared by his side, trying not to look startled he gave his boyfriend a wobbly smile. "H-hey Roxas. I'm fine don't worry about me." Using his free hand to wipe away his tears before timidly cupping his boyfriend's cheek. "I'm fine." Repeating again as he shakily stroked his cheek.
Roxas still looked uncertain as Axel smiled at him, reaching to carefully pull up and adjust the pillows behind his back so it'd be more comfortable. "Are you sure? Do you need another painkiller or some of the stuff Kiko left-?" Though he was cut off in surprise as the hand touched his face, trying his hardest not to jerk away though it was so sudden he thought the red-head was trying to smack him away instead of just being affectionate! The blonde was left smiling instantly, reaching a hand up to gently place it over the larger hand and pressed against it softly with his cheek. "I don't want you hurting yourself Ax…" Biting his lip because in a second he knew the affection was going to end as he lowered his hand from his boyfriends. "Take as much time as you need…" He was too afraid to do it so quickly so knew his love was, than again he was doing as Zexion suggested, giving the older male the one thing he wasn't given. Time.
A blush formed on Axel's cheeks. "N-no." He lied, he just didn't want to be embarrassed further, but his boyfriend's warm hand soothed him.
"Not yet anyway... I was going to get into the bath." Looking towards the bathroom door.
Sighing heavily as his attention was turned again when Roxas's warm hand dropped from his, and he metaphorically fell as well as his own hand. It fell limply to his side.
"No... Its fine I'll heal quickly. I have to anyways." Shrugging as he uncovered the bed and went to move his very stiff and bruised legs. Wincing when he did so.
Well he would've liked his love to take the pill in the least but didn't force it on him. Especially not when the bath was mentioned and nodded. "You need help?" He didn't want to be really when he was, he hated being so exposed but it was needed. Impossible to move and he knew it was no different for him. As Axel tried to move his legs he winced and offered subconsciously went to grab his shoulders to help him sit up though quickly drew his hands away with a small apology in case he scared the red-head. "Let me at least help you to the bathroom…"
Wincing as his shoulders were grabbed but nodded. "Yeah... And urm..." Blushing this time but biting his bottom lip. "I-if you have some of that s-stuff left... Could you leave it in the bathroom? Please..." This was so embarrassing, but he needed to heal quickly to be the man that Roxas needed... Before he lost him forever.
"And... Painkillers?" Blushing once more as he had to be led to the bathroom, ugh he hated being like this... So weak.
He smiled inwardly, and relaxed outwardly as Axel asked for the medication, giving a sigh of relief. "Yeah, no worries I'll get it for you." Smiling to say that it was no big deal, after all if he was hurt he needed the help than he didn't have to be embarrassed about it. Carefully as he could the blonde shifted the older male's arm over his shoulder, pulling him to his feet while trying to lead him to the bathroom, nodding again at his second request though not saying anything until he had sat the red-head down on the edge of the tub. "Yeah I can do that too." Muttering softly as he went and brushed a hair out of the pale face, wanting to kiss his forehead for comfort at the least but couldn't, so just leaned over to get the water going and making sure it was hot enough for the fire starter and even added bubbles in it to help relax him. "I'll go get the stuff; you go ahead and get in." Smiling at his love before leaving the room and cracking the door just a sliver to give the red-head his privacy.
"Thank you..." Muttering as he quickly looked up into his boyfriends eyes. He... He looked so sad. Axel felt so bad he couldn't do anything to comfort him.
After Roxas had left the room he started to strip slowly, wincing each time fabric passed over his sensitive wounds. The worst part was taking off his trousers... His boxers got lost behind in the struggle...
Axel's jeans were sticking to his behind, after struggling to take them off for a good five minutes they were finally off leaving behind last nights and the morning's remains...
He'd have to burn those soon, but for the now the fire crotch concentrated on slipping into the warm healing water. Sighing contently as it soothed him in all areas.
It was about then that the blonde knocked on the door again, waited a moment to hear a protest and entered with both the bottle of painkillers, a clean glass of water, and the cream, placing all three on the sink, keeping his eyes away from his love to keep from embarrassing him. "What do you want me to do with your clothes? Trash them?" Asking while still keeping his eyes set on picking the laundry off the floor and starting to fold them, feeling sicker and sicker as he did.
Using the bubbles as a cover up as he didn't want Roxas to see his wounds.
"Yes please..." Moving his mouth as he spoke but just before Roxas could leave, he reached out his soapy wet hand out to grasp at his T-shirt.
"Roxas... It's alright." Why wasn't he looking? Was he... Disgusted by him now?
At first nodding as he heard the confirmation then paused as the hand kept him from walking out of the room, blinking down at it and only it and biting his lip. "A-are you sure?" Muttering softly, forcing himself to look up at his boyfriend and sigh before setting the clothes on the counter before coming closer to the tub and kneeling on the mat in front of it with his head down, fingers moving to carefully brush the older male's shoulder. "I just… don't want to do anything that'll scare you Axel… that's all. I… I'm worried that's all…"
Axel sighed. "It's alright. You don't scare me... I just want to heal fast so I can look after you again." Admitting finally. "I hate being this weak." Sinking lower into the bathtub until a little bit of his hair was sunk. He didn't want to admit to his boyfriend his shoulder was on fire, after all whose shoulder wouldn't be after being slammed constantly into a brick wall, grabbed at constantly and bitten until blood was drawn...
Roxas removed his hand from his love as he moved into the water, sighing and shaking his head at his words. "Babe… As much as I appreciate it, I don't need you to heal just so you could worry about me again. You don't have to worry about me… I'll be okay. It's your turn to heal." Giving a faint smile as he reached up to stroke the red hair softly and stand up slowly. "I'll bring you a change of clothes in a minute, kay? Call if you need me."
Axel nodded weakly and sank his head further into the water until he was completely submerged. Only coming back up to take the shampoo and wash frantically at his scalp, he wanted every trace of both of those men off him. Sinking back down into the water and washing away the shampoo and repeating the process with the conditioner.
He just felt so... Dirty and worthless...
Sighing he sank his head in the water once more to rid the traces of the conditioner...
It took literally two minutes to grab one of Axel's shirts, boxers, and a pair of sweats so he'd be covered and headed back to the bathroom, only to drop the clothing in shock. Oh shit not this again! His first reaction to seeing his boyfriend submerged in the water wasn't a good one, it was like the day he came back all over again. The dream he still remembered vividly… "A-Axel!" Oh god what was he doing wrong? What? Tears were building in his eyes as he rushed to the tub and reached in the water to tug the red-head up again by his shoulders. Okay no more leaving him! He was going on suicide watch!
Spluttering out some water that accidently went into his mouth when he was dragged up.
"H-hey! What you doing?" Looking at his boyfriend confusingly as he wiping the side of his mouth, before staring at Roxas more.
What did he think Axel was doing? Wasn't he allowed to wash his hair in peace anymore?
The blonde flinched back as Axel snapped at him, falling back to the floor with wide eyes. "I-I'm sorry I just… I thought that you…" Great, Axel probably thought he was nuts now. Well, he couldn't actually deny that… according to the doctor he was going crazy… "Sorry… clothes are on the counter…" Biting his lip as he pulled himself to his feet quickly and turned to swiftly walk out of the bathroom and close the door behind him, trying to quickly wipe away his tears with shaking hands. He couldn't take anymore of this… This emotional rollercoaster he wanted off of it.
His green eyes widened for a moment and reached out for the second time that afternoon, clinging onto the arm of his boyfriend's shirt.
"Hey, Roxas? What did you think?" Tilting his head up slightly to stare up at him. But Roxas slipped away from him before he could even ask him. Immediately when the blond had left he struggled getting to his feet, taking the towel off the side. Wincing when he stepped onto the floor and having to use the wall as a means of support.
"Hey Roxas I-" He was cut off when he saw his boyfriends fresh tears.
"Roxas?" He croaked and stepping forward, hesitating at first but in the end he managed to take hold of one of his hands gently.
"What's this all about?" Asking softly.
Roxas jumped as his boyfriend came up behind him out of no where, "Shit…" hissing softly while trying harder to stop crying and wipe his eyes dry. But it was too late he had been caught. Still hesitating the blonde's fingers curled lightly around the large hand holding his, shaking his head. "I-Its nothing I'm sorry I just over reacted…" He trailed off as he saw for the first time the real extent of the injuries on his pale lover's chest, his eyes widened at the number of violet bruises and teeth markings… it was like all his healing spells didn't do anything! He tried to keep from staring, but he couldn't keep from worrying… "I-I just… I thought you were trying to hurt yourself again…"
Axel shook his head and gave Roxas a weak smile. "Hey, it's fine. I'm not ever hurting myself ever again." Seeing his lovers eyes lingering a little too long on his chest he shivered, and wrapping the towel around his cold waist.
"Hey... Urm... Do you still have any of that c-cream or something?" Looking to the ground once more and shuffling nervously.
Roxas barely relaxed at the news but he did give a small nod and he wiped at his eyes one last time. "I know I'm just… sorry…" Biting his lip as he spoke and his shoulders fell with another sigh, looking up at Axel's question and nodding. "I left it by the sink… Don't be embarrassed by it." Giving the faintest of smiles, "It does help so don't worry. I'm going to help Zexion with dinner, lay down when you're done I'll bring it in here." Changing the subjects quickly so he wouldn't have to speak on what was bothering him, reaching up to his boyfriend, about to kiss him on the chin though stopped himself with a guilty look and backed away.
Blushing every shade of red when he hobbled to get the cream. Even though Roxas said not to be embarrassed by it, he was.
"Alright. I'll wait in there." He didn't really feel like facing the bluenette after what had happened... He properly was thinking it was all his fault it happened to himself... He didn't doubt Roxas told his friend...
They shared everything... Mostly likely Roxas confessed more things to him that Axel...
He was distracted by looking at the cream he totally missed when Roxas was about to kiss him. Turning around after he pointed to the cream and muttered. "Urm... Could privacy... I need some privacy." He hated saying it, but he really did.
Axel need not to say anymore, the blonde actually flushed in embarrassment for hanging around as long as he did and turned to leave, shutting the door behind him quietly than rubbed his face before leaving the bedroom and sitting heavily back on the corner of the sofa and lifting up his drink again to sip at it so his throat wasn't so dry. Oddly it didn't seem to be helping. "Zexion? Need help with dinner?" Asking while looking into the kitchen, getting up and wandering that way. He was the only one in the house who knew how to cook after all.
Zexion looked up from the boiling pot and smiled. "Nope. I'm fine here." Leaving the potatoes before throwing in a seasoned chicken into the oven.
"I'm practically all done; just have to wait for everything to cook." Getting another pan with water before pouring peas enough for four men into it.
"Want another drink?" Asking him when he picked up his own refilled glass and headed into the lounge.
Whoa. Roxas may have looked too surprised; he didn't know his friend learned how to cook better than he did! "O-okay than!" Wow, only a week away and his friend had taken over the kitchen! "Oh yeah I never gave you back that book I remember… it's sitting on my nightstand I'll give it to you after a while." Smiling at him faintly though hesitated and nodded as he was offered another drink seeing as his glass was almost empty already. "What is it by the way?"
Smiling he pointed to his teacher. The cookbook. "I've learnt a few things from it." Nodding when his book was mentioned. "Yeah alright that fine. I hope you enjoyed it." Nodding he went and picked up Roxas's glass and back into the kitchen to refill it for him. Coming back and handing it to the blond, sipping his own and sitting on the sofa with him.
"Ugh... It's called Smirnoff. Why do you ask?" Raising an eyebrow questioningly.
"Yeah I did, thank you." Roxas gave a small smile though as soon as his question was answered that smile rapidly disappeared, his face actually paling a few shades and hand recoiling from even reaching out to touch the drink. That of course caused the glass to fall to the ground and shatter. "Y-You're joking…" He looked as if he was struck across the face by his best friend as memories started to resurface of his alcoholic mother, of finding Axel drunk those few time. He looked anything but relaxed. "Z-Zexion! I'm a minor you've been giving me alcohol!" But that didn't look like the reason he was afraid, he was holding his shoulders, eyes wide, trembling in place. Was he becoming his mother after all?
Paling several shades lighter when the glass was dropped. "It's only one glass. It won't hurt you. You looked as if you needed to relax!" Trying to keep Roxas calm by placing a hand onto his shoulder.
"Hey, hey you'll be fine. No one will find out you've had a little drink!"
What was he so worried about? Surely one drink would be fine for him, most kids his age 'wanted' to drink.
He could barely hear what his friend was saying, curling up tighter on the sofa so his knees were practically hitting his chin while his fingers tightened their grip around his shoulders to the point of breaking the skin with his nails. "N-No…" Was all he could say and perhaps a little too loudly, flinching away from the touch as if he had been struck already. "It's not as easy as that Zexion!" Roxas' voice was trembling almost as much as he was, unable to really believe that his best friend would do this to him when his mother had hurt him so badly when the drink was involved.
Sitting next to his trembling friend and leaving his hand on Roxas's shoulder.
"Hey... You want to tell me what this is all about? Is it Axel?" He knew the redhead had a bad drinking problem, after seeing how bad he got when Roxas was away proved that much.
Moving his hand away when his friend flinched and leaving his hand in his lap.
"Come on, you can trust me." Tilting his head slightly so he could see his face.
"N-No not Axel." Correcting quickly, getting kinda sick that Zexion kept blaming his boyfriend for every little thing that upset him. He closed his eyes tightly, arms tightening around himself as he started feeling sick. He still hesitated a few moments after Zexion spoke again, forcing himself to curl up tighter so that his face was anything but visible. "M-my… our mother." Including Sora in this as he bit his lip harshly. "I-I don't want to become her…" Zexion said that he could trust him, but after this could he really!
Backing up so he was out of Roxas's personal bubble, he obviously felt uncomfortable. The way he spoke of his own mother made his mind start to work. Was she an alcoholic or something? It made sense after all, why else would Roxas flip out.
"Hey you are your own person. Not your mother. You're Roxas. No one else." Speaking to him softly, not wanting to scare him away.
Roxas didn't move for several long silent moments. The only sign that he was still breathing was the trembling on his shoulders with every intake and exhale. Than finally: "Don't ever do it again." It was a whisper, close to tears by the sound of it as he slowly moved his legs down, unwrapped his arms and shakily pulled himself off the sofa to start picking up the broken glass piece by piece, using his wrist to wipe at his eyes to keep from breaking down. He just wasn't having a good day…
Sighing he reached out to stop Roxas from picking up anymore pieces by putting a hand onto his wrist. "Don't. You'll cut yourself. Here let me get a dustpan and brush." Leaving briefly but returning with the dustpan and brush and sweeping away the glass.
"Why don't you go tidy up yourself? Dinner will be ready soon." Looking back to his friend looking guilty, he felt bad for giving him the drink now.. He just looked as if he needed to chill out... But it back fired on him..
Going into the kitchen and putting the glass into the bin and putting away the dustpan and brush, before going back into the living room to down his drink.
Roxas glanced up quickly as his wrist was grabbed in surprise, almost dropping the shard that was in his hand though lowered his head quickly afterwards with a small nod. He stood up, followed his friend into the kitchen to throw the glass away and get a rag to mop up the alcohol, regarding the towel as evil as he went back into the kitchen and rinsing it out in the sink and hanging it to dry. "... Okay." His voice still quiet, furious more with himself than with Zexion as he follow the order and wandered back to the living room and hesitated at the bedroom door without opening, taking in a breath to calm himself down, get rid of the negativity and any air that he was upset. He only opened the door and wandered in when he was almost certain he had succeeded.
Axel looked up suddenly when Roxas entered their room, he was fully dressed now with a simple pale white T-shirt and baggy blue jeans. And had tied up his red locks into a pony tail after finding it bothersome.
"Roxas?" His eyes widening when he saw his lover was noticeably upset.
"Roxas, what's happened?" Wincing as he got off the bed and hobbled over to his boyfriend, and hesitated before putting a hand onto his shoulder.
Damn it he hadn't done well enough! "I-It's nothing!" Stuttering quickly shooting his gaze downward as Axel approached. Even though he told himself to be strong, to not say anything about it so his friend and boyfriend could end whatever feud they were in so there could be peace in the house for once he still tensed slightly as the hand touched his shoulder. This wasn't fair to Axel! He couldn't keep being so weak! "I-I'm okay." trying to say it and make it sound like he meant it, but he failed. He didn't want to tell his boyfriend what happened... Axel would hate him for it...
He sensed his boyfriend was lying to him, it really hurt hearing that. Was there really no trust between them?
Sighing heavily and letting his hand drop before sitting back down onto the bed, he didn't want to get into anymore fights…
Trying to lighten the atmosphere by asking him.
"When can I go back to work?" Well someone had to go and earn, Roxas didn't go in today... He couldn't have Roxas doing that until he got better.
The blonde stood in place for a moment, rubbed at his eyes as he reminded himself he wasn't allowed to be weak anymore until he heard Axel's question, biting his lip as he slowly moved back over to the bed and sat on it stiffly, as if still in shock. "On... on Thursday at the earliest... It's Monday... sorry but I have to go in tomorrow... truck day." Muttering softly as he bit at his lip, unable to tell who he was really mad at by this point or what was upsetting him. It was just one, he was still in control, nothing happened... just the betrayal that hurt him and the fear.
"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine." Well that was okay, he could live without working for two more days.
He could clear see Roxas was upset so he held out his hand to his lover. "Hey, it'll be fine." Offering him the strongest smile he could without it looking too weak.
Stretching out his hand until he grasped hold of his boyfriends.
"Come on, what's bothering you. And don't say nothing because I can see it's not nothing..." Taking a pause to interlock their fingers. "I haven't... Upset you have I?" It was then he cast away his own unhealed emotions to concentrate on his boyfriend still healing ones. It must of been the first time Axel went his deep with any kind of emotion at all.
Though Roxas probably had more than him... After all he was still connected to a heart, unlike his which was now gone forever...
Luckily he looked up on time to see his boyfriend's smile, only then did he relax slightly and manage to calm down. Axel came first... "It's noth-" About to chime out with a little more realism until his boyfriend forbade him from saying that word, biting on his lip for a moment before turning around with no warning, putting his arms around the stronger male's shoulders and head in the crock of his neck. He remembered to be soft in case he scared but he couldn't help but need the contact. "N-not you... I'm sorry I'm being completely unfair to you right now." Whimpering quietly as the tears he tried so hard to quell came back up. "H-He didn't... Zexion didn't know my mom was an alcoholic... didn't tell me what he gave me was." Told the truth at least, "I-I don't want to be like her... That's all I'm just being stupid..."
At first he was shocked by the sudden contact as started to shake, but remembered that Roxas needed the contact he wasn't giving him.
Tenderly wrapping his arms around the blond but still scared so he kept his eyes trained on him the whole time.
Slowly his cut up hand threaded through his hair and sighing.
"Hey it's fine, you're not being unfair. You're totally normal." His chin nuzzling into his hair, but freezing when he learnt what Zexion did.
"Ugh... I can't believe he did that..." His other hand going to rub his boyfriends back to calm him down.
"No.. No your nothing like her. You'll never be like your mum... And Roxas? You're not stupid. You're just a little bit blond." Trying to make the situation lighthearted by adding a small joke.
Great he was scaring his boyfriend.. he didn't mean to he just needed the contact... Roxas was about to let go when arms went around him. Still the embrace didn't seem like he wanted it... So his arms became more gentle, picking his head up so he wasn't actually touching his neck as the tears that had simply built up before fell out of his eye one by one. He hated this...So much stress on one person it wasn't healthy... He could feel the shaking hand thread through his hair, feel the timid touches to his back when he had enough and pulled away. "Sorry..." Muttered quietly for trying to be affectionate when he needed it the most. It was all he could do to wipe his own tears away and nod at what Axel was saying, forcing on a small smile at the end. "Than I'm very blonde..."
His whole being fell when Roxas pulled away, looking glumly at the ground before pulling it up again, pulling a forced smile on his face.
"Just a bit. But you're not stupid blond. You're just Roxas blond." His trembling fingers wiping away Roxas's tears, until they stopped trembling. He couldn't be a shaking mess in front of him like this... Roxas was in pain too.
Forcing himself to stop shaking to wipe the other eye.
"Come on, you'll be fine. Just how much did you drink?" Asking finally before his hand wrapped around his waist.
The blonde's shoulders fell quickly in guilt as the shaking hand came back into his view and he had to watch it come closer to his face to wipe away the tears he was too much of a weakling to stop. "N-no you don't have to-" Though his statement was ignored as Axel wiped his other cheek, putting his arms around himself in guilt that he couldn't be strong enough for him until he healed. "O-oh um... one glass... he called it 'Smirnoff' I think." Tensing slightly as the hand touched his side, though relaxed as he noticed it wasn't shaking, still he remained cautious before even considering leaning against him even the slightest bit. "He said he was just trying to get me to relax..."
Jumping when Roxas suddenly leaned into his chest, not expecting but relaxing slowly.
"You'll be fine with one glass. Though three more and you'd been on the floor, because your new to drinking." Smiling slightly.
"But you'd been fine. Heck I think Zexion was trying to cheer you up... You do look a little gloomy." He was the reason why Axel knew it...
Roxas winced slightly at that, shaking his head quickly, "No." Well that was the end of that, at least he stopped after one to ask what it was! He knew it tasted weird... it wasn't lemonade.. At Axel's final statement his shoulders fell in guilt chewing on his lip with a small whimper. "I-Im sorry... im not trying to be Im just... stressed i guess... Sorry." Sighing before trying to tell himself that this weak 'hug' was all the affection he was going to receive today. "Dinner's almost ready... Please try to eat a little..."
"Wanna tell me?" Asking softly as he petted Roxas's back, but he was afraid of the answer so he added. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want too..." But... They needed that trust which they obviously lacked at the moment, so he forced himself to lean in closer to Roxas. One arm around his back whilst the other put his hand on top of Roxas's. But at the thought of food, it made him feel queasy.
"I'll try... But I'm not promising anything..." Even his face turned green at the thought...
Roxas hesitated a moment at Axel's question, relaxing as he contradicted it a second later. So he didn't want to know... but he wanted so badly to rant off everything that was bothering him! However he just quietly mumbled: "Im just worried about you..." As his response, hoping that was a good enough answer that wouldn't upset his lover too badly. It did nothing to help him though, that wasn't the only thing driving daggers into his 'heart'. Those daggers only plunged deeper and twisted harder as his boyfriend went to hold him. It hurt more when he tried to because he knew that every second of it was forced... "You don't have to eat a whole lot, just a little..." Starting to slowly pull away again and forced on a smile, "I need to clean up, be back in a minute, okay?" Even that tiny weak smile was hard to hold...
So he was worrying about him... Axel looked up to face Roxas this time instead of staring at their hands.
"Hey I'm alright. Don't worry about me. I'm fine." A total lie.
But as Roxas pulled away from the headed male he compressed his sigh and forced himself to look up at the smiling Roxas. "I'll... I'll try." He would at least try to, but doubted he'd eat much anyway.
"Okay Roxas.." Waiting until he was gone and Axel's emerald orbs were back onto his hands and he let out a deep sigh, thinking how much he just kept mucking things up. It was his own fault they fell out yesterday, his own fault he was raped, his own fault everything was on edge again after promising everything would be okay. Axel knew he just kept on screwing things up!
Tears threaten to fall but he kept them back, not wanting Roxas to see him so weak..
Like he said Roxas just went into the bathroom to wash up and frown at his reflection. When did he get such dark circles under his eyes? Why did he look so pale even though he had an obvious tan? Ugh... great. He had only spent five days here, but he looked probably sicker than when he left! Didn't help that he was wearing one of Axel's shirts still and it just made him look so much frailer seeing as the neck showed off most of his collarbone with how low it was. With a sigh he left the bathroom and flicked off the light behind him, walking back to the bed and was about to reach out to his love, stroke his hair and hold him close like he might've in the past but right as he lifted his hand he let it drop again, telling himself Axel didn't want it. That he was afraid of him still... "I'll be back in a second okay?" Muttering quietly with a forced smile, putting his hand instead on the back of Axel's hand lightly and then stepped away and left the bedroom.
Looking up finally when Roxas came back, though just as he was about to leave his own hand went to try and lock their fingers together, but it was too late Roxas had already left the room...
Zexion looked over his shoulder just as he was dishing out three plates of food onto the table, and seeing Roxas. His cheeks darkened. He still felt horrible for giving the blond that one drink. Straightening up as he was in the middle of spooning out the potatoes.
"Roxas, about earlier. I'm sorry about it. If I had of known I would of never gave you any alcohol. I hope you can forgive me." The bluenette wasn't speaking to his friend how he normally would of. It was in the middle of a serious tone and the way he'd normally talk to Roxas.
Roxas raised his head to look up as Zexion was talking to him from inside the kitchen, biting his lip and walking that way to watch his friend working. "Oh..." Well at least he apologized that helped a little. "I-It's alright... I mean you didn't know..." There he went again, giving out his forgiveness as if it was an unending resource... "Just... promise me you wont ever consider it again? I appreciate you trying to help but... not that way..." The blonde looked like a scolded child as he leaned against the wall with his eyes on the floor for a moment before going to refill the empty cat dishes.
Letting his voice return to normal and he smiled. "I promise I won't, now I know of course." As Roxas turned away Zexion finished off putting food on the plates and putting all the dirty stuff into the sink. "Here. Take these." Picking up two of them and handing over to Roxas. He had put a generous amount of each of them after seeing how both of them were merely skin and bone. "And don't worry about washing up. I'm going to do it after I've eaten."
Roxas blinked at the amount of food on each plate and recoiled slightly. "Oh god i cant eat that much!" Giving a forced laugh though thanked his friend anyway, getting silverware before thanking him again for doing the dishes and took a breath before walking back into the bedroom and using his back to open the door and slipped inside, setting the plate on the nightstand for Axel and sitting on the floor himself so he wouldn't one: make a mess, two: scare the red-head.
"You don't have to eat it all, we can save it for later." Smiling at Axel weakly. If just talking was tense there was no way he was going to be allowed to stay in the bedroom tonight... how cold did it get in the living room?
When his boyfriend returned with the high plated food, Axel's stomach flipped. There was no way on earth he'd be able to eat that.
Taking the plate as it was offered him before crawling off top of the bed to join Roxas on the floor, wincing when the hard (yet carpeted) floor met with his backside. Hissing out in complaint but leaned against the bed to relax his back.
"Don't tell me you made this?" If he did... He shouldn't have gone through all the hard work when it would just be wasted...
Roxas shook his head at Axel's question, giving a moment of hesitation before forcing himself to fork a little bit of the potato in his mouth. "Nope, Zexion did. Like i said if you cant eat it all that's okay..." Even though he knew his boyfriend had lost way too much weight he wasn't going to force him to eat like he was. Though he was more forced out of fear... that's just how his mind worked...
Oh so Zexion could cook? He didn't know that, heck! He's never ever seen him touch a stove in his whole life! Frowning slightly before poking the chicken with his fork, and slowly peeled at the white meat only to pick up a small piece the size of a pea. Staring at it for awhile before his stomach growled in protest, listening to his tummy and putting the food into his mouth, and repeating the process a few times. Barely eating the chicken before avoiding the potatoes and picked up one pea at a time.
The silence was driving him insane! Sure, he should be glad he got Axel to eat something, but at the same time the only way he could do that was to shove food into his own mouth. And of course he wasn't feeling well right now on top of being stressed to the point of becoming physically ill and then being in silence that put him on edge wasn't helping… so a tiny bite of chicken and his barely touched plate went to sit on the floor with his fork on it, signaling he was done already with barely taking in anything. "Do you need me to stay in the living room tonight?" It hurt to ask this but if Axel wanted space he wasn't going to make him do anything.
Looking shocked Roxas even asked him that he put down his barely touched meal, furiously shaking his head. "No! I-I mean... No of course not." Looking over to his boyfriend and tilting his head. "I'd rather you were near me." Blushing as he looked away this time.
Of course he didn't want Roxas in another room when he wanted him by his side.
Roxas looked equally as stunned by Axel's initial reaction, actually jumping slightly in place as his eyes widened. But then came the stuttering, he wasn't sure was he? He didn't know what to trust anymore… the fact that Axel just flushed confused him even more, the blonde biting on his lip while staring at the floor. "If you're sure…" Putting his arms around himself before drawing his knees up and putting his forehead on his knees, arms around his stomach. Didn't feel so good… His stomach wouldn't stop churning! Maybe because this was the first thing he had eaten in two days?
Nodding Axel slowly edged closer to his boyfriend where for the faintest moment he forgot about last nights events, and broke out of his shell to wrap his arms around his broken boyfriend.
"I'm sure." Nuzzling into his hair softly and rubbing his back gently. This was all he could do without scaring himself, this would do.
"Roxas? Are you okay?" Asking softly.
Just like before Roxas was hesitant to allow the arms to go around him, only relaxing as he felt the weight on his head and movement on his back. "Okay than…" Breathing out quietly until the second question was asked and shook his head at that one, surprisingly telling the truth… but then again he had just gotten in trouble recently for 'lying' so he was going to leave everything he could out in the open now. "My stomach hurts that's all…" But he only had two bites! How was he in this much pain!
Axel sighed and nodded. "Don't worry. Eat what you can. I can't eat either, it's making me feel nauseous." Deciding to look away from the food and focusing on the bathroom door in front of him.
Moving away from the hug after realizing it wasn't going to be returned, looking down at his hands as if he was a scolded child.
"S-sorry.." Feeling guilty about what happened.
Oh god eating more. That made his stomach feel worse and he tightened his ball with a small groan of unapproval. That was until his boyfriend started to move away from him. What! No! No he wasn't- Before he could even stop his hand it moved to quickly and blindly look for Axel's, grabbing it quickly and quietly with not a single uttered word until he had managed to somehow thread his fingers through the much longer ones. "Don't be sorry Ax... Im sorry its my fault... Im trying but... just not doing good enough..."
At first his arm jolted when there finger latched together, but relaxing soon after.
"No... It's me Roxas. I'm sorry. You're doing just fine! And I don't know why you are saying you're not enough, because you are good enough."
His thumb remembering Roxas liked it when he stroked his hand, so it remembered the motion and made small up and down movement. He wanted to ask when the last time he ate was... He knew what the blond was like when he didn't, and Roxas was showing signs now...
And again at the flinch he regretted the affectionate act that he was trying to show to the male, he didn't move his hand away this time but his arm tightened around his legs and face buried further into his knees while he whimpered, waiting out the stomach pain that was thankfully starting to dull down. "No... no im doing horribly im sorry... I just... don't want you to be afraid of me and don't... don't want to rush it... chose the shittiest day for a breakdown im sorry..." Though he didn't really chose it, he couldn't control his mind anymore it did whatever the hell it wanted to. Finally after what seemed like ages he finally pulled his arm away from his knees and moved his legs down, glancing at the food before deciding he was doing three days now without eating. He couldn't do it.
Sighing he released Roxas's hand to pull both of his shaky arms around the blond. He needed the hug.
"No.. It's fine. I don't mind. And... I'm not afraid of you... I'm just... Scared that's all." Whispering the last part as his head bumped into the blonds collarbone.
"I want to be able to hold you close without shaking.. It's just the memories keep coming b-back!" Biting back his tears and hiding his face into Roxas's shoulder.
The blonde moved this time, ignoring his own pain and the possibility of being shouted at and pulled away from, he moved his arms slowly over the man's slender back and put his head on his shoulder. Axel wasn't the only one who needed to be held. "I know... You don't need to be though... We're safe for now, and we'll leave. Leave so they won't ever find us again." Whispering as he tried to keep strong, let himself be the strong one again. It was like a teeter totter. One was strong than broke down than had to work themselves up as the other broke down and repeated again and again and again. A never ending cycle. "I know..." He hated to say it but he knew exactly what Axel was going through. "Im not him though... I need you to talk to me though, tell me what you want me to do. I know what he told you... it probably hurts... but everything was a lie, okay?" He was trying, and the rate his voice was falling in volume meant he was starting to doubt he could help.
It helped what Roxas said to him, it really did. But he still felt pretty shitty even though his boyfriend's words were probably true.
"I know... I know." Sighing and holding the blond as much as he could without hurting his bruised spine.
But one thing bothered him; Xemnas was still out there at large with the other members of The Organization... God knows what happen if they didn't get rid of them. He had done it before, and it wouldn't be too difficult to do it... But Xemnas was the ultimate problem.
"Roxas promise me something?" Asking something that had been on his mind for awhile.
The embrace tightening helped him a little, the blonde rubbing the side of his face into the white fabric his boyfriend was wearing very softly. This was all he wanted. As long as he was almost being hugged, he could at least imagine that everything was alright... He had to close his eyes and pretend the arms around him weren't shaking or hesitating to touch him, which sent daggers of ice into his stomach but other than that he found that it almost helped... "You know I'll promise you anything..."
His breath shook only before a moment before he braved his mouth to move. "Don't... Don't go looking for 'him'..."
Rubbing his back gently and his neck resting under Roxas's head.
It wasn't a safe job for one person alone to do, they'd need at least more than one person. But at the moment neither of them were physically able to battle or anything of the sort. Sora and Riku couldn't join them, especially with a child to look after, so it was up to them when the time was right. But what about their two friends? They wouldn't be safe... Knowing Xemnas, Zexion would be next...
Roxas actually paled at the request, hesitating a moment as the head nuzzled into his throat, that seemed to coax the words out of him. "O-Of course I won't..." He was still afraid of him too... as much as he wanted revenge there was no way he'd be able to face him... His arms went further around the red-head, resting the side of his face against the top of his head while he ran fingers through his hair and very weakly purred to calm him down. "Don't think of that now... we'll be okay..." He was being the positive one for a change...
Axel nodded before sighing and finally looking up.
"Yeah, I know." They had time, they'd move first. Move out into the open of their new home. Hopefully soon enough. But what scared him right now was how Roxas was being the one the reassuring one for change, to him it didn't feel right... Yawning he looked at the comfortable bed above him.
"I'm going to try and sleep... Rest you know?" Standing up slowly though it still didn't ease the lightening pain in his back, and having to cling onto the side of the bed so he was able to stand straight.
Roxas hesitated a moment before sighing and drawing away from Axel as he moved away from him. "Go ahead... I'll go put these in the fridge." Lifting up the barely touched plates before smiling at the red-head, eyes flashing in worry as he showed pain and biting his lip, desperately wanting to cast another healing spell but if he wasted any more energy there was no way he'd be able to even get to twilight town tomorrow... "Be back in a flash." Smiling at him before using his elbow to open the bedroom door and rush into the kitchen.
Zexion was in the kitchen washing up the pots and pans, along with his own plate. But to the side was a plate full of food wrapped in cling film waiting for Demyx when he returned.
"Oh hey, didn't eat much?" Raising his eyebrow slightly as he dried off his dish and put it back into the cupboard.
"Didn't you like it?" Asking carefully.
Roxas actually flinched back in guilt as he saw Zexion there, biting his lip before going to get the cling wrap. "No it was great actually! Axel's still a little queasy and my stomach wants to kill me right now sorry. I'll probably bring it to work for lunch tomorrow. Thank you." But he was doubting it greatly. His starvation habits were a little too hard for even him to break sometimes.
Zexion nodded and allowed Roxas to continue without a fuss. "Alright." Shrugging and finishing off the pots and pans before putting them all away.
"I take it, spending time with Sora didn't really work?" He could see a difference from how Roxas acted a few days ago to now. It was a huge different and he pinned it down on the redhead. He couldn't see what the blond saw in him.
Roxas blinked up at the random statement from his friend, finishing up putting wrap on the plates and set them both on the middle shelf of the fridge. "Oh, no it did a little. Just... a lot's happened since then... Don't tell me to go back and stay with him again cause I'm tired of my brother. Too much happy in one person." It wasn't until Zexion had just pointed it out that he realized that the stress of only five days had done this to him...
Zexion's lip twitched slightly. Sora was too happy for Roxas? Roxas just lacked that happiness which he needed more than ever! "Don't worry, I won't."
Turning around he put Demyx's meal into the fridge to keep it fresh, and shutting it behind him. "Want me to wrap both of yours incase you get hungry later?"' Pointing at the two plates on the side.
"Huh-?" Roxas blinked in confusion at Zexion's offer, looking in the open fridge and seeing both covered plates already inside. "Okay so I'm not crazy. Already did Zex, thanks." Smiling at his mess up faintly before giving a short wave and starting to retreat from the kitchen. "See you later? I said I wouldn't be long." He didn't need to keep Axel alone for too long and worry him on top of everything else.
"Oh. I didn't see you do that." Whoa the kid was fast! Staring at the blonde as if he was some kind of magician or something. "Okay then..." Drawing off and following Roxas but to stop into the living room and sit on the sofa where he picked up a book.
"I guess I'll see you later then." At least Roxas got to see his boyfriend more than he did of his own... Demyx was hardly here...
Sighing he curled up into a tight ball and opened the smartly leather bound book.
It was then he realized how horrid he felt for his friend… he was all alone with only him to talk to, Demyx was never here after all! "I'll come back out when he's asleep." Promising his friend with a smile before opening the door and quietly slipping back inside with the tiniest sigh and shut the door behind him softly, approaching the bedside as quietly as he could to make sure Axel wasn't asleep.
Zexion didn't look up from his book as he answered. "Okay." Roxas said he'd be back but he very much doubted it. He had his boyfriend to look after anyway.
Axel looked up with a smile of his face when Roxas came back, some part of him was scared his boyfriend would of gone back to his family, with the way Axel had been acting toward the blond. He had to stay strong for Roxas!
"Hey." Reaching out for a hand suddenly, for once that evening he needed the closeness and was practically begging for it. He wanted those kind words he heard all moments before, how Roxas knew what he was feeling and he'd be there for him.
The blonde was surprised of course by the smile, though returned it just as eagerly as the red-head, approaching the bed more and moving to sit on the side next to his boyfriend, taking his hand as the smile remained. "Hey, thought you were going to sleep?" He wasn't going to deny him affection if he reached out like that, but he needed guidelines. Needed to know his limits. Right now hand holding was the limit and he was fine with simply rolling his thumb over his boyfriend's hand to calm him.
The smile faded quickly. He had tried. But he couldn't sleep without Roxas by his side, Axel needed that extra comfort.
"Sorry... I couldn't." His eyes fell into his laps.
"I did try though." Looking up and smiling again. "Really I did, but I couldn't without you near me." Truth was he was scared the nightmares would start up again if his boyfriend wasn't near.
"Do you want me to try again?" If it would make him happy then he would at least try.
Roxas' shoulders fell at the initial news, Axel couldn't sleep? "It's okay if you couldn't, but it's getting late, you should." Smiling at him softly while reaching out to carefully brush his hand down the other male's face. "I would actually… I'll stay with you this time." He'd keep his promise to Zexion of course, but only for a moment, Axel needed him so much more. He knew what it was like to be unable to sleep and he hated it terribly… he still had nightmares of course…
Axel nodded and dropped his head onto the pillow. He was wearing his boxers with his T-shirt, which proved he had tried to sleep but failed. He wanted to be covered now not exposed to the world.
"Alright." A shiver when down Axel's spine as the hand slid down his face, trying to suppress the memories as hard as he could but a single tear was shred.
"Sorry... I'm trying as hard as I can." Whispering softly before timidly nuzzling into his hand.
Like he was struck Roxas flinched back at the sight of the tear, about to draw his hand away when his boyfriend nuzzled into it, relaxing his palm for a moment so he could than letting his arm fall back down and looking at the blanket like a scolded child. "I'm sorry…" He had to make a mental note that he wasn't allowed to do that anymore… Even though it was something he did all the time before… "I didn't know…" Guilt hanging off of him as he than forced himself to look back up and timidly reach out to wipe the tear away at the least.
Shaking his head and timidly picking up the hand again and rubbing it lightly against his jaw. "No... No it's fine. You didn't know." His tear vanishing at Roxas's simple yet tender touch.
"It's just... Life isn't going to be easy. No one said life was an easy game that everyone will win. In fact many of us will lose the game. But we both can try." Smiling softly and letting his fingers interlock with Roxas's gently.
"We haven't lost this game yet, we'll jump right up soon enough and make things right again." Finishing off as he shut his eyes briefly but to open them again. They both needed time to heal. Roxas had a week yet still hadn't fully healed, so Axel made it his soul duty to heal up just as quick as his strong boyfriend who he really did look up to.
He was shocked of course at Axel's sudden turn of bravery, smiling after a moment at him almost proudly, keeping his hand relaxed so even though Axel was the one holding it the touch would still be gentle. Roxas' eyes fell though as soon as his boyfriend started talking, biting his lip by the end of his little speech and nodding, holding his hand back softly. "We won't lose." Announcing quickly with the smallest of smiles, however his eyes looked almost distressed. "We won't. We're going to make it and we're going to be fine." It took so much effort to get the words to come out when right now it looked like they had already lost.
Axel smile didn't leave him even when he nodded, only when he saw that weak one from Roxas.
His being fell slightly, the redhead had hoped it would cheered the blond up. Obviously it didn't, but he did continue on for his boyfriend. "Yeah, I know..." Yawning off at the end and looking over to Roxas's side of the bed then back to the owner. "I'll try to sleep now.."
Roxas bit at his lip as Axel suddenly looked crest fallen, forcing on a smile and reaching down to stroke his hair ever so lightly, barely disturbing the strands. "Okay hon… I'll be here for you. No more bad dreams, I'm here." Smiling with a small breathy laugh at how sappy that was, but didn't care. If sap was what was needed to lighten the mood he was willing to be picked on for it.
Smiling slightly and reaching out for his boyfriend. "Sap." Simple yet again but he liked it. He didn't care if Roxas was a sap, it just meant he cared a lot.
"You coming?" Point to the blonds empty bedside. He just wanted to pretend everything was right... If it was only for a moment, he had all tomorrow to mope around alone without his lover seeing how he really was feeling.
Roxas hesitated a moment as Axel told him to go to bed, smiling at him before squeezing his hand softly. "Two seconds, let me give Zexion his book back." Sliding off the bed to pull the duvet up to the red-head's shoulder with a pat on the head being his promise to be right back and rushing around the bed to grab the book from on top of his night table, turn and walk from the bedroom quickly but kept the door open as he set the book on the coffee table before his friend. "Hey, sorry he wants to go to bed-" Pausing as the front door was opened, okay now he felt less guilty now that the musician was home, smiling at Zexion than rushing back in the bedroom and shutting the door while turning off the overhead light. The blonde made his way blindly to the bed and slipped under the covers next to the red-head. It took all of his will power to keep from cuddling up next to him...
Axel nodded dumbly as Roxas left and curled into the bed, at least he kept the door open this time.
Happy Roxas came back into the room and joined him under the covers, edging closer to him and reached out for the blond cautiously.
Roxas bit his lip as the arms were offered to him, hesitating only a moment before sliding himself forward and carefully placing his forehead against the older male's chest, putting his arms behind his back carefully. "You tell me if I'm scaring you Ax." He didn't want to, he just wanted to be held and if the red-head was offering he wasn't going to refuse... he just didn't want to be pushed away.
The redhead was happy he wasn't being pushed away, and melting into the hug. Closing his eyes and Axel's neck found it's place on top of the Roxas's sun colored hair.
"No. Its fine, you're not scaring me. You could never scare me Roxas." Nuzzling the best he could without hurting his bruised and sore throat.
A smile etched across his face as his arms were found wrapped around the relaxed figure, even more so when Axel shifted around so he was back in his favorite spot! "Good... good..." Repeating himself but he didn't care, he sounded and looked absolutely relieved as he purred softly and closed his eyes at the simple nuzzle, trying his hardest still not to move around to hurt him. "I love you..." Falling asleep already, he was such the kid still.
Relaxing went the small strands of hair tickled his throat, he even smiled a little bit.
"Night Rox. I love you too." Whispering softly still and slowly closing his eyes as the dark night sky cloaked their bodies.
