Chapter 53

Bellamy woke around noon. He quickly drank his tea upon feeling his headache start. He dressed, put on his shoes, and made his way out of his room. He slowly followed the corridor, his hand on the wall. He passed people, but they didn't speak. He probably didn't know them, or maybe they didn't know what to say. He knew some people would be uncomfortable around him. That was human nature, to avoid awkward situations. He wondered if they stared at him or just thought of him as an annoyance or wished him gone.

He was shaky; his stomach growled. He had not eaten much in the last few days. His hunger made him weak and was the driving force that got him out at such a busy time. He hated being around people, and wanted to grab something quick, and leave.

Bellamy made his way to medical, only because he knew how to find it.

"Bellamy? Is everything okay?" asked Jackson.

"Yea," smiled Bellamy "This may be a dumb question. But can you tell me how to get to the cafeteria? I've been there, but, never really paid attention before," he said.

"It's no problem, I'll be happy to take you," Jackson said.

"No," said Bellamy. "Thanks Jackson, but I need to do it, I just … need directions. I have to learn to get around on my own," he said

"Okay, well out the door, turn left. The first corridor to the right, then after that, the second corridor to the left, and then the cafeteria is the second door on the left," said Jackson.

"Left, first right, second left, second left" Bellamy repeated "I think I got it. Thanks Jackson."

"No problem Bellamy," Jackson answered.

Bellamy heard the cafeteria before he got to it. He never realized the sound of things before and the cafeteria had a distinct sound; clanging metal, chairs scooting and people talking along with the smell of hot food.

He took a deep breath as he entered the door, he wanted to be anywhere else, and once he stepped inside, he was lost. He felt for the wall but hit a chair and he froze. He felt like everyone must be watching, which made it worse.

"Bellamy," Raven shouted, she saw him walk in and run into the chair and freeze. She could tell he needed help. She scooted out from her table where she was eating and rushed to meet him. She quickly took his arm, and walked with him to the food counter. Bellamy wanted his independence but wasn't stupid. He was glad she met him. "Thanks," he mumbled, his voice gruff.

"Hey, I'm glad you're here. I hate eating alone," she said as she took his hand and guided it to the trays.

"You're shaking,' she whispered. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine," he said.

"We have fish, nuts and berries, greens," she said softly.

"It doesn't matter. Anything is fine," he mumbled.

Raven put some fish on his tray and some of the berries and nuts.

"Are there any apples?" Bellamy asked.

Raven put an apple on the tray.

"Come on my table is over here," she said leading him to her table.

She stopped him and guided him to his seat. Bellamy felt like all eyes were on him, but he was glad she was there.

"Raven, I need to be able to do this on my own. I can't rely on anyone, but I'm glad you were here. I didn't think about all the chairs and tables, but I'm so hungry, that's the only reason I came here," he quietly said. He leaned his head for a minute onto his hand. He felt so weak, sick to his stomach, almost too weak to eat, because it had been so long.

Raven reached out, and touched his arm. "Bellamy, what's going on?" she asked softly. She could see his hand still shaking from weakness.

He raised his head, smiled slightly, and felt his food. He ate some fish. He needed the food, but as he finally started to eat, Raven saw his face. His eyes filled with water. She watched him struggle to hold it together, his eyebrows drawn together, and his mouth tight.

Bellamy didn't know what was happening. He was breaking down, but he couldn't do it here, not in front of everyone. He struggled with his emotion and it was getting harder. He needed to get away, but he couldn't run.

Raven reached out and touched his arm. "Bellamy, whats wrong?" she asked softly. She was unsure what to do.

"Please get me out of here," he whispered desperately.

"Come on,' Raven said and took his arm, rising up. She helped him move quickly. Bellamy kept his head down, as if it would keep anyone from seeing him. Once they were out of the cafeteria Raven led him around a corner into a small secluded hall.

"It's okay, were alone now," she said "Bellamy, talk to me." Raven looked at him.

He seemed better. He shook his head and wiped his eyes. "I can't do this," he said. He backed himself against the wall and slid down. He raked his hand across his face, finally holding his face into his hand. He shook his head. "I can't," he said again.

Raven knelt by him. "Yes you can. I know you, your strong Bellamy. You are one of the bravest men I know," she said. "I almost gave up too, but I got through it, and sure, life has dealt you a shitty hand, but you'll get thru it. I know you will," she said "you have friends that care about you and would do anything for you," she said "We're here for you Bellamy."

Raven hugged him and he nodded. "I'm sorry, your right, I just…" he trailed off.

"Don't be sorry cafeteria was a little overwhelming I think, plus that fish. It makes me tear up too," Raven joked.

Bellamy smiled.

"Stay here, I'll be right back," Raven said as she got up and walked quickly back to the cafeteria. She went to the table and got Bellamy's tray. She quickly went back to Bellamy and sat down.

"Here, eat," Raven said "You'll feel better once you eat."