Keep up, keep up, keep up
That's all I want, keep up
Keep up with me, keep up

"Kids" by Childish Gambino


The conversation happens three days after Rey graduates from college. It lasts about forty-five minutes.

It starts with Ryan parking in front of her apartment complex after taking her to dinner. He takes her hand. "I got a job in San Diego." His hand is trembling. Hers is not.

It ends with them both sitting on her bed, him holding a few books he'd let her bother over the years and his toothbrush. He kisses her temple and they're both crying because, because—

It hurts. Love always hurts, whether it ends like a violent wave crashing against ocean rocks or like the last of the bath water slowly swirling down the drain.

It hurts.


Rey allows herself the entirely of June to be depressed. But the summer, along with it's scorching heat, brings new possibilities.

It's ticking down, Rey's mental calendar. It's been nearly four years.

It's July now. She's growing antsy, and instead of admitting to herself that Benwillbefreesoon she shoves that thought to the back of her mind and instead shows up at her local bookstore on the release day for Knights of Ren Vol. 2: The Scavenger.

Rose is with her as she prowls toward the graphic novel section, eyes zeroing in on every cardboard display, heart beating much too quickly in her chest considering—

And there it is, beautiful and exciting and she can't wait to read it.

She's on the cover.

Well, okay. Kira is on the cover. And Kira is very much her own character, as Rey doesn't ever think she'll be as savage as her on-page counterpart. If she's even her on-page counterpart. Rey isn't sure Kira looks exactly like her, she thinks Ryan might have been overexaggerating a smidge.

Rose grabs another copy from the flashy display. She looks at the cover, then at Rey, then back at the cover. She puts the novel back.

"So," Rose begins, clasping her hands in front of her awkwardly. "Doesn't, uh, doesn't Ben get out soon?"

Rey, who has already flipped open what will soon be her copy, stills and glances up at her best friend. "Yes."

Any day now, her mind unhelpfully supplies.

She hasn't heard from Poe about any official release date or anything, although she hasn't spoken directly to him in a couple of months. Maybe she should call him—

"And?"

Rey shrugs a shoulder noncommittedly and looks back down.

Rose lets out an exasperated sigh. "Come on, Rey. Quit being coy."

"I'm not being—"

"You're obsessed with these graphic novels—don't deny it, we've all noticed. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing! Honestly, it's good that Ben has used his time locked away to do something positive with his life. But, Rey. Are you going to reach out to him?"

Rey closes Ben's graphic novel softly and holds it to her chest. She looks Rose in the eye, holds the contact. She presses her lips together, then shrugs again, this time shaking her head. "I—I don't know."

Rose is giving her a soft, sympathetic look. "What if he reaches out to you?"

Rey swallows. She's thought of that before, actually. Late at night, sometimes, if she's having trouble falling asleep. Of her phone ringing out of the blue one day, her answering it and just like that she's hearing Ben's voice for the first time in four years.

The idea sends little shivers up her spine, makes her heart hammer with both nerves and excitement. The thought of him reaching out to her…it burns and sears into her brain, and it'll nag at her until it happens.

And if it happens, will she be receptive?

She sighs, because of course she will be.

Rey's eyes go wide, and she straightens in the middle of the bookstore, realization dawning on her.

She would absolutely be receptive. Hearing Ben's voice again, seeing him again, getting to touch him again—these sudden thoughts are all so much, too much—

"Rey."

She snaps herself out of her musing and focuses on Rose, who narrows her eyes a little. "if he contacted you, you'd see him again." She states it, doesn't question it.

Rey stares for a moment, then slowly raises the graphic novel up, so that she and Kira's faces are side by side.

Because, who is she kidding. Kira looks exactly like her, and it's no mistake. And when featured side by side like this, it's undeniable.

Rose tilts her head a little in slow acceptance, pressing her lips together to hide a small smile. Then she exhales and shakes her head a little. "I will admit…that is a kind of romantic."


Except July bleeds into August bleeds into September bleeds into October.

And still no word from Ben Solo.


Maybe he lost it right near the end of his sentence and shanked someone.

These are the kinds of thoughts swirling in the back of Rey's mind as she waves goodbye to Temiri, who sprints out of the studio toward his mother's waiting minivan.

She's not obsessing. She's not.

She closes the door behind her and leans against it, letting out a breath of exhaustion. Tem was her last student for the day, and while Rey absolutely loves teaching, her kids are a handful. Tem is no exception.

She locks the front door and flicks off the outside light, preparing to clear her work space before heading home for the evening. At least she has this.

Ahsoka had hired her on as soon as Rey's internship had ended. Which was good, because Rey couldn't really afford to work for free anymore.

Rey spends the next twenty minutes cleaning up her station and trying very hard, and failing, not to think about Ben.

It's like she's seventeen again. Ridiculous.

But according to the Knights of Ren Facebook fan page (which, god help her, she religiously checks every day) Ben is putting out his first interview with a popular nerd news website tonight. It'll be his first interview. Ever.

In retrospect, Ben putting out an interview should've been her first indication that, well—

Rey makes her way into Ahsoka's tiny office in order to bid her goodnight, but pauses in the doorway. "You made two cups of tea."

Ahsoka looks up at her with a raised eyebrow. She smirks. "Your observation skills are truly unparalleled."

Rey stares down at the two tea cups with growing apprehension. "Listen, Ahsoka, I don't care how good you say it is, I just don't like hot tea—"

"It's not for you, idiot." Her boss's eyes are alight with mischief. "I have a guest coming."

Rey blinks. "Oh."

Ahsoka glances at the digital clock on her desk. "In fact—"

A loud knock comes from the front door, and Ahsoka quickly stands, steps around Rey and out into the tiny hallway with light-footed grace.

Rey follows her dumbly, curiosity peaking.

She hovers several feet behind Ahsoka as her boss answers the door and—

Luke Skywalker stands on the other side.


A blur.

The last ten minutes have been a blur.

The first thing Rey had done was launch herself into Luke's arms, tears already slipping out of her eyes and down her cheeks.

The second thing she does is swat at him with sudden fury, because it's been four fucking years.

Luke pats her shoulder. His hair is longer, now completely gray. And he has a beard now, which is odd. "I'm sorry, Rey," he says with the utmost gentleness. "Can you forgive me?"

Rey had frowned at that and has yet to give him an answer. But the fury had ebbed away as quickly as it'd come on, and now she finds herself standing in Ahsoka's office, her boss and Luke taking up the only two chairs.

Apparently they've known each other for decades. They met at an art festival in the early 80's and had become fast friends, each supporting the other's work. They'd even traded students on occasion, sometimes recognizing that the other's teaching methods might suit said student better.

Which is why, of course, Ahsoka had recognized Rey's name when she'd first applied for the internship.

"I confirmed it after I hired you," Ahsoka explains. "Gave Luke a call and found out this his Rey Kanata and my smart-ass intern were one in the same." Her boss gives her a slow smile. "I knew you were the right fit the moment I first spoke to you on the phone." She jabs her nearly empty teacup at Luke. "I told you, I have a knack for these kind of spiritual things—"

Luke laughs and the two old friends dive into another conversation, with Rey listening along with a soft smile.

For a while she doesn't think about Ben.


After about an hour, Ahsoka's phone rings, and she excuses herself into the next room to answer it. Rey stays in her current spot, leaning up against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest.

She catches Luke's eye. "So, when are you leaving?"

She had gotten the vibe, from listening to him speak with Ahsoka, that maybe, just maybe… But no. She doesn't want to get her hopes up.

Luke gives her a half smile. "I'm not. I'm here to stay. Washington state is a little too dreary for me, after all."

Rey frowns. "What's the real reason?"

Luke lets out a quiet laugh. "Ah, Rey. You've always seen right through me."

Rey continues frowning, waiting for Luke's real response.

He folds his hands in his lap. "I've realized, with the help of my sister, that I'm too old to run away from my mistakes. And now, with Ben being out of prison—"

Rey's whole world stops.

Stops, and then starts up again, everything now a little louder, a little faster than before.

"What?" she bites out, arms falling to her sides in shock.

Luke looks puzzled at her interruption. "With Ben being…" he trails off, and then his puzzled expression melts into one of concern. "You didn't know."

Rey slowly shakes her head. "I thought—he hasn't said anything to me—"

For a moment, she sees her own confused desperation mirrored at her through Luke's blue eyes. But then he looks away from her, suddenly pensive. "Hmm."

There's a long moment of silence.

Luke opens his mouth, looking like he's about to launch into a deep explanation, when Ahsoka comes back into the little office, tucking her phone away into her pocket. She gives Rey a worried look when she sees her. "Rey, are you alright?"

Rey nods. A lie. "Um, I just don't feel well? I'm going to go home. I'll see you tomorrow." Then she hurriedly steps out of the office, and everything is blurred around the edges a bit. She snatches up her bag and car key and quickly makes her way out of the studio and toward it's tiny parking lot, her car a welcome beacon.

She makes it inside and manages to shut the door before she starts to cry in earnest.


Rey pulls up the interview on her laptop when she gets home.

Pulls it up, but doesn't rush to read it. In fact, she minimizes it and pulls up a playlist that Finn had made for her several months ago, putting on a particularly poignant song that she likes. The kind of song that makes Rey sit and think.

That's what she needs right now. A good think.

She hadn't thought much on the car ride home. Mostly she'd just cried.

But then she'd parked her car in her apartment complex and had stepped out, the crisp autumn air filling her lungs. It cleared her mind and she'd slammed her car door shut and sniffed.

No more tears. She is a grown adult. She doesn't need to be crying in her car over boys.

Rey made her way into her apartment, and now she sits, thinking.

Ben is out of prison, and he hasn't contacted her. This fact cuts deeper then she'd like, but this is life isn't it? Things don't always work themselves out like they do in the movies, or the books. Or the graphic novels.

And really, after their last conversation, she had made it pretty clear that he…that he…that he could have a life without her.

Maybe that's what he's trying to do. Live a beautiful life, even if she's not in it.

Rey swallows down a little bile and lets out a shuddering breath.

And maybe, perhaps, Ben is doing her a favor. Rey shakes her head a little at that. Or maybe he just…doesn't want to talk to her. Maybe him putting her into his art is his own version of an apology, his own version of keeping her with him even though she's technically not around. And maybe he thinks that's enough.

Or maybe he thinks she doesn't want to talk to him.

Rey glances over toward her phone, sitting innocently on her nightstand. She could call Poe. She could call him right now and ask for Ben's phone number. She could be speaking to him in five minutes, if she wanted to.

And god help her, she wants to. It's as if all her feelings had hidden themselves away deep inside her these past few years. They'd resurfaced when she'd found the first Knights of Ren volume, because finally Ben was doing something good. (And at the end of the day she's still immensely proud of him for that.)

And then her feelings had cemented again after Ryan had left. And she'd loved Ryan, she had. But Ben…

It'll always be different with Ben, she realizes.

She doesn't call Poe and ask for Ben's number. Sheer stubbornness keeps her from doing so. She just…can't. Not yet.

Rey closes her laptop without reading the interview and crawls underneath her blankets, letting the song play over and over again until she drifts off to sleep.


12 Questions With Ben Solo

This is your first interview you've given since you put out Knights of Ren, which you famously began in prison. Any particular reason why you've waited so long to speak to press?

Because prison [redacted] sucks.

Of course. Why did you start this project in prison? Why not earlier?

I always enjoyed drawing in a comic book style. Before prison I was more of a painter, but after I began serving my sentence I just had energy and ideas I needed to get out. It was therapeutic.

Therapeutic? How so?

It was a healthy thing for me to focus my energy on. If I found myself growing frustrated or upset, I'd just draw it out instead of, uh, taking it out on someone else. It was also cathartic, giving the main character my own pain and anger. If I gave it to him then I didn't—don't—feel it as potently anymore.

That's awesome. Let's take it back to the beginning. When did you discover that you loved to draw?

When I was a kid.

Were you very young, then?

I…I just said when I was a kid.

Right. You come from a fairly well-known family. Did they nurture your talent?

I lived with my uncle at his art studio for a time, so I'd say yes. It was never discouraged.

Sources say you've been estranged from your family ever since your sentencing—

Your sources are [redacted]. Next [redacted] question.

Now that shows like Game of Thrones have put fantasy back on the map, could you see Knights of Ren becoming a successful show it it's own right?

Uh. I can't talk about that.

Does that mean—

I can't talk about that.

Naturally. Would you ever consider collaborating with another artist?

There's only one other artist on this planet that I would collaborate with, but unfortunately we're no longer in contact.

Because of your time in prison?

It's complicated.

Do you think your prison sentence has given you a unique perspective when it comes to your art and storytelling?

I mean, for sure. I think for me, the hardest thing about being in prison was being updated about the person you love most and realizing that their life is going just fine without you in it. And that sometimes you can love someone to the moon and back, but that doesn't mean you're any good for them. That was a tough pill to swallow. But it's helped round out the kind of story I want to tell in Knights of Ren. And channeling that kind of pain into art is, like I said before, intensely therapeutic.

I feel as if that kind of sentiment doesn't bode well for Kylo and Kira.

We'll see.

You were in prison for four years. That's a solid chunk of time. What's the coolest thing you've discovered since being released?

The Keurig.


A/N:

SO MANY of you guys wanted Ben to show up for Rey's college graduation. To be honest, I didn't even consider that until you guys mentioned it. Not going to lie, that would've been super cute, but I've had their reunion planned out for ages. Speaking of reunions, I guess I've made y'all wait long enough, yes? ;)

Thank you guys so much for all your love and support! I feel like a broken record, but I seriously love y'all so much. You guys have made the journey of writing this ridiculous story so much fucking fun with your enthusiasm and passion and amazingly kind words and gestures. Seriously, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

If you liked let me know?