Irregular Orbit - (Kurt 406 - 407)
- This piece contains 2 missing scenes that begin in 406 and lead into 407 (an episode where we never say NYC or Kurt) - This is Kurt's POV and contains a solo performance set on a fire-escape in NYC. The song Kurt sings is "I Almost Do" by Taylor Swift - This chapter also contains references to the chapter titled 33%


Irregular Orbit

Kurt and Rachel take a late flight home from Lima a mere two days after they'd arrived for the Fall Musical. Even though he knew it would be a short trip, Kurt's heart ached as the plane pulled away from the tarmac and he stared out the window to hide his tears. When he'd decided to make the trip home he had been intent on several things. Mainly that he would talk to Blaine, really talk to him in the hopes of finding out why and how their love had gone so wrong. But in the moment he had barely been able to look at Blaine, let alone say anything and when given the chance to talk, Blaine had, predictably, said all the wrong things.

He wanted to explain what happened, justify his actions, minimize the tryst. He wanted to tell Kurt everything, as though a few words could put things right, but this had not been a simple fight. It wouldn't be an easy fix. The facts were plain. Instead of talking to his boyfriend, instead of all the other options open to him, Blaine had stepped out. Cheated. Been with someone else. In Kurt's mind, this action was irredeemable. And yet he missed Blaine. Most days his whole body seemed to ache with longing as his mind spun with questions. What had he done that was so horrible that Blaine would lose faith in him? Why did he deserve this broken heart? Had he really been so preoccupied that he'd let true love slip through his fingers?

When Kurt first moved to the city, states away from his lover and the life he knew, he had never imagined the consequences. He had failed to keep his word. Failed to find the time. Failed the man he loved. But then Blaine had failed him too, and worse. He'd let some other guy, some nobody, someone else touch him. Kiss him. Make love to him. Fuck him. Something. Whatever it was, it should never have happened.

As the flight began it's final descent into JFK, Kurt tried to shake the anger from his body. Some part of him knew that Blaine regretted what he'd done and maybe that was all that mattered right now. And anyway they couldn't go backward, all faith was lost and any promises they made forgotten. The fact was that Kurt would have to live his life without Blaine by his side and the fact seemed to dim even the lights of New York City.


On the morning after Kurt received the seventeen box from Blaine, he spent an hour sitting on his bed with tears in his eyes, holding the most beautiful Marc Jacobs coat he'd ever seen. Even as he folded the pristine fabric through his fingers, he knew he couldn't keep it. Something about it seemed wrong, but what was in the letter had bothered him more. Because he hadn't just lost his boyfriend, he lost his best friend too.

It was the first really cold day Kurt had experienced since moving to New York and it also happened to be his first day of work at a shitty dinner on Fire Island. He spent six hours serving some of the worst food he'd ever tasted and he hated every minute of it. After several off color comments about his appearance, three patrons informed Kurt that he was incompetent at serving, which earned him a talk with the boss. After being demoted to bus boy, Kurt had just about had enough. He was told to clean the bathrooms, which were disgusting, and sweep the floors, which was pointless. The second he finished any section, a child would inevitably toss a pile of fries on the ground.

His feet dragged as he made his way back to Bushwick, feeling as though there was no point to any of it. No amount of money could squash the humiliation he felt at being forced to clean public toilets and he wanted to vent. He wanted someone to call who he knew would listen to him and understand enough to not be condescending when he returned to the place the next day. He needed the job. He knew that.

Just as he'd always known he needed Blaine. He sighed as he turned the key to his apartment building, wishing with all his heart that things were different. His mind raced over old fantasies as he climbed the dim stairs, wondering absently if Rachel would be home yet and hoping for a moment of peace and quiet. He had only ever agreed to move to New York City on a whim, with the knowledge that Blaine would follow closely after. He believed their love for each other would sustain them during their time apart. He believed they were meant to be together, always. He had believed and yet…

Before even reaching their door, Kurt could hear Rachel belting out a string of notes at the top of her lungs and he wondered idly how many of their neighbors truly hated them both. Annoyed he turned the key and rushed to his curtained bedroom, desperate for privacy and a change of clothes. He wanted to take a shower but he didn't have the energy, deciding instead to lay down in hopes of finding unconsciousness quickly. But sleep, however, eluded him.

A while after the cords of Rachel's scales stopped echoing through the loft and the darkness had settled into the city that never sleeps, Kurt begrudgingly got out of bed. He'd been laying there for hours, his mind reeling but focused. It was passed midnight and he stupidly still wanted to call Blaine.

Kurt knew, rationally, that this was a bad idea and he'd been fighting against it since their break-up. What good could come of it? Another fight, some more blame to throw around? Another revelation that would shattered his heart? And yet he couldn't sleep and Blaine's voice seemed to echo in his head as he glanced through his growing stack of letters: it didn't mean anything and I love you and forgive me.

Resigned, Kurt stashed the folder of letters under his pillow and went about making himself a cup of strong chamomile tea. He slipped an ambien in his mouth as he took the first sip while stepping out onto the fire escape in hopes that the cold would numb the aches enough to let him sleep. Holding the folder against his chest, he put on his headphones and took a few minutes to skip through songs on his playlist, in search of something that would let him breath, make him sing. It was clear to him now that he had avoided his feelings for too long and if he couldn't talk to the man he loved, he would have to settle for the next best thing.

I bet this time of night you're still up.
I bet you're tired from a long hard week.
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city.
And I bet sometimes you wonder about me.

And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you.
And I wish I could run to you.
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do,
I almost do.

For the first time in his life Kurt felt truly terrified of the future. Before everything had fallen apart he had counted on this one thing, his love, his Blaine and regardless of any issues they may have had, he believed in them. Together. He trusted their devotion, he regarded Blaine as the one for him. The only one. The end.

But that was before…

I bet you think I either moved on or hate you
'Cause each time you reach out there's no reply.
I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say "Hello" to you
And risk another goodbye.

Kurt had spent so many days, so many hours since their break-up trying to rationalize Blaine's behavior. Trying to find an excuse that would erase his heartache, but the truth was that Kurt had never wanted to be with another man. He had wanted Blaine from the moment they met. He had fallen harder and faster than ever before and his heart hadn't been his own since March of his junior year when Blaine had suddenly, inexplicably fallen for him too. The rest had been a dream that so recently turned into a nightmare.

It was moments like this, where he was alone and yet surrounded by the city of his dreams, that the old Kurt would have called Blaine. Without hesitation, and they would have talked for hours because they loved each other. It would have been so simple and he longed for simple, still.

And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you.
And I wish I could run to you.
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do,
I almost do.

Oh, we made quite a mess, babe.
It's probably better off this way.
And I confess, babe,
In my dreams you're touching my face
And asking me if I wanna try again with you.
And I almost do.

And I just wanna tell you
It takes everything in me not to call you.
And I wish I could run to you.
And I hope you know that every time I don't
I almost do,
I almost do.

Absently, Kurt wondered when he would see his ex again, months probably. They were states apart and worlds away from each other now. Then he wondered which of them would have moved on by then and he reasoned it would probably be Blaine. In most ways he had already done so and Kurt experienced a sharp pang to his heart at the thought of seeing Blaine happy with someone else. He'd thought he'd avoided that future, he'd thought he had been given a forever with his first love. His true love. His Blaine. He had only ever dreamed of them, together, and he didn't know how to move on from that. However, he knew now that he no choice.

And yet, he missed Blaine. He missed their old promises and their planned future. He missed their intimacy, there love for each other. He missed all of it. But instead of pressing the call button, he sang to the city as tears rolled down his face and the tea grew cold against his palms.

I bet this time of night you're still up.
I bet you're tired from a long hard week.
I bet you're sitting in your chair by the window looking out at the city.

And I hope sometimes you wonder about me.