This chapter was written by both KenrickMNP and BethShadows.
"How many times have we been arrested now?" Valkyrie asked, turning around in her seat to face Tanith sitting in the back of the Bentley as Skulduggery drove them back to Valkyrie's. Valkyrie's car had been taken to the garage as open going back to the car they discovered one of the tires had been slashed.
"I love the world today," Valkyrie had cheerily proclaimed as Tanith frantically checked her sword was still there.
"There was the Euro Store thing, then the sword thing where I got arrested, there was also the waffle thing and I feel like there might have been another time."
"That many times is too many times," Skulduggery said, gloved hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. If he had knuckles, they would be white.
Valkyrie and Tanith shared a look.
"Let's just agree that we should no longer get arrested and move on with the general consensus that no one's day ended well," Tanith said and sat back in her seat.
"That is a good decision," Skulduggery said.
"So what did the murderous Finnegan McCool do?" Valkyrie said turning back around.
"Murdered someone."
"Descriptive."
The silence was uneasy. Skulduggery was never quiet. Never. He always had some witty comment or smart arse remark to make, no matter the circumstance. This time was different.
"We're sorry for getting arrested," Valkyrie said.
"Yeah, we're sorry," Tanith agreed.
"Apology partially accepted," Skulduggery loosen his grip on the wheel.
"Partially?"
"Under order of the Grand Mage you do have to face repercussions."
"Repercussions?" Valkyrie asked.
"You will both be under house arrest for the next two weeks."
"That's not too bad," Valkyrie said, "I haven't wanted an excuse to stay in and fix up some stuff around the house."
"You can't do any of those video things either," Skulduggery added, ""None of your strange ways of entertaining yourselves; no silly business."
"What?!" Valkyrie and Tanith cried.
"Them's the rules," Skulduggery's skull tilted into a grin as Tanith dramatically flopped to the side and Valkyrie let out a wail to rival Catelyn Stark at the Red Wedding.
"It's only videos," Skulduggery said.
Valkyrie stopped her wailing. "We're being dramatic. Let us be dramatic."
"No."
"I feel like we should do a Vine," Tanith said, sitting on the floor with her legs resting on the couch, like a normal person.
"Skulduggery said not to," Valkyrie replied, sitting on the couch with a blanket wrapped around her for no particular reason other than wanting a cape ten minutes ago, and now it was cozy.
After the incident with the police, the mortal Tanith had punched, and of course the cocaine, it was the end of the first week of the Sanctuary mandated house arrest, thanks to Skulduggery. It seemed Skulduggery had done it more out of pettiness than actual punishment, but now they were confined to Valkyrie's house and the grounds around it that she owned. It wasn't all bad. They had binge watched Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and a couple of horror films. It was basically an extended sleepover.
But there was the added challenge of not re-creating any Vines.
This meant that in comparison to what it could've been, the week-long punishment sleepover was kind of boring.
"He said to see if we can wait the week without doing anything," Tanith said, "and he said it in a tone that implied he thought we wouldn't manage it, so the rebellious side of me wants to prove him wrong."
"Is it more rebellious to prove him wrong, or defy his order?" Valkyrie asked, slowly scheming away.
"Well… technically it wasn't an order. Besides, he can't even give me orders. He certainly can't give you orders. I mean he's kind of the one that ordered us to stay here, but that doesn't count. No Sanctuary officials have officially imposed it on us"
"Exactly. What did we even do that was so outrageous?"
"We knocked a mortal guy out," Valkyrie said. "And then got arrested for it. The packet of cocaine you were given didn't help us much."
"Oh, right. I'll be perfectly honest I forgot we did that, so it probably wasn't as serious as we think."
"Yeah, totally. You know what? We should do a vine. Out of defiance. Which one?"
Tanith thought about it for a second. "How about we phone Fletcher and get him to go buy a green morph suit for us, and do that one with the guy who jumps off the kitchen counter and says 'I'm gay?' I've wanted to do that one for a while, it looks fun."
Valkyrie smiled, but then the smile faltered. "That one could be kinda dangerous. I mean not dangerous to anyone else, but to us. It seems like an easy way to re-split your head. And knowing us, I'll probably end up cutting my hand again. And Dexter would probably get hit in the head with a bottle."
"Even though Dexter won't even be there?"
"Magic," Valkyrie said, wiggling her fingers through the air. "But anyway, if one of us injures ourselves, Skulduggery will find out. He won't be mad, and I doubt he'd be surprised, but he'd be so damn smug."
"Yeah that's true… So let's save that one for when this week is up. An easy, simple one. What's an easy and simple one?"
Valkyrie considered. "I know," she said. She hopped up from the couch, dramatically flinging off her blanket-cape, and ran to the kitchen. Tanith got up and followed her. "Yeet!" Valkyrie said, and chucked an egg at her. Tanith caught it, but it broke upon contact with her hand.
"Ew," she said, letting the crushed shell and most of the slime drop to the ground. "Oh wait, that one where the guy gets an egg thrown at his face?"
"No, but that would be a good one for future," Valkyrie said. "Actually we don't need an egg -you're cleaning that up by the way- I just threw it at you to imply it involved eggs. It's that one with the guy on the floor that says 'hey, you wanna buy an omelette for five dollars?'"
"That one! It is extremely easy and simple. Alright. Let's watch the vine so we know what needs doing, then do the do with the do do do!"
Valkyrie picked up a pile of envelopes. All of her actual mail was in the recycling bin, and the post hadn't arrived yet, so she just used some envelopes she owned in case she ever needed to send a letter, which she hadn't because she knew what an email was. The envelopes weren't exactly vital to the vine, but her and Tanith decided they may as well add it in anyway, for the sake of authenticity.
"Alright, there's five separate shots in this one, so you're gonna be editing tonight," Valkyrie said.
"Yeah I know, but nevermind. You know, I learned how to edit videos pretty easily. You could too."
"That's very true," Valkyrie replied in a tone that displayed her complete disinterest in learning. "We'll take turns filming each other. Even though it's the same guy in both roles in the vine. But fuck authenticity, right?"
"Right. I'll lie on the floor, you look surprised?"
"Sure. You ready?" Valkyrie asked
"Are you ready?"
"I'm ready."
"Then so am I. Action! Oh wait, you haven't given me your phone."
Valkyrie handed Tanith her phone.
"Alright. You ready? I'm kidding, we've been over that. Action!"
Tanith pressed record, Valkyrie looked at the envelopes, then her eyes drifted to the ground and widened. Tanith stopped recording.
"Cut. That was easy."
"Easy and simple," Valkyrie said, taking the phone from Tanith.
Tanith put on a woolly hat Valkyrie had fetched for her and lay on the ground in front of a backpack.
"Alright, action," Valkyrie whispered. Tanith pretended to be asleep while Valkyrie filmed her for just a couple of seconds. "Cut," she said, still whispering. "You can wake up now."
Tanith got up and took the phone from Valkyrie, then pressed record, waving her arm to indicate she had done so.
"Are you okay?" Valkyrie asked.
Tanith stopped filming and handed the phone back to Valkyrie. Tanith lay on the ground, and shut her eyes.
"Action," Valkyrie said.
Tanith opened her eyes and lifted her head up, smiling slightly idiotically. "Wassup?" She said, pressing her tongue to the back of her throat to replicate the voice in the Vine.
"Cut," Valkyrie said.
"Wow, all these cuts are getting pretty tedious," Tanith said.
"I know, right? At least there's only like one more."
"Yup," Tanith took the phone from Valkyrie, and held it up. "Action!" She said.
Valkyrie adopted a wary look on her face, and pulled her head back slightly. While she was doing this, Tanith was saying, "hey, hey," from behind the camera, then said "cut."
"This is going so well. I mean I might've just jinxed us but it is."
"There's not really much that can go wrong with this, so unless we get attacked by Godzilla or Cthulhu or something, I think this'll go without incident."
After saying that, Tanith looked cautiously towards the horizon. No giant green monsters were rising, so it seemed all was well.
"Alright, here you go. Let's get this finished," Tanith said, handing the phone back to Valkyrie for what was hopefully the last time, then getting back on the ground.
"Action," Valkyrie said.
"You wanna buy an omelette for five dollars?" Tanith asked, still speaking in the weird voice. She was reaching into her backpack as she spoke, then Valkyrie stopped recording.
"We did it!" Valkyrie cheered.
"Yay!" Tanith flung her hat off.
"We did a full Vine without breaking anything, unless you count the egg but I don't, and without breaking anyone. We should be damn proud of ourselves. And Skulduggery can't say anything because he won't even find out about it."
"Actually I've been over here for the last seven minutes," Skulduggery said, standing in the kitchen doorway.
"Fuck!" Valkyrie said.
"How are you so specific?" Tanith said.
"Do you really want an explanation?"
"Yes."
Up next Tanith dresses in a greenmorph suit and jumps off a counter. What could go wrong...?
The beginning up until the first line break was written by me, KenrickMNP did the vine and the rest of it, apart from the last two lines, which were written by me.
I'm done with exams now so I can get focused on writing again. Good luck to anyone still sitting exams!
Until next time!
