AN: Happy Sunday everyone! It's 60 degrees F here in surprisingly sunny Ohio. I have to say, I'm loving the mild winter. The hubs and I took one of our five mile walks and we chatted about my writing. He was super supportive and thinks I should pursue it! :D So because I'm in such a good mood, I'm posting Chpt. 52 a day early. Hope you guys had a great weekend.


Chpt. 52

Bryce's and my information gathering mission was successful. According to Bryce, Interpol was thrilled with the data he was able to copy from President Ben Ali's computer. We weren't sure how much more data needed to be collected before they could indict him, but we were happy to know that we at least gave them a strong starting point.

We returned from our trip and returned to our regular lives. I returned to my classes and he returned to his top secret missions. He was able to email a little more since our assignment to Tunisia because they were all short-term assignments. I was happy that we were able to maintain our friendship. During the operation he became my new male confidante.

Ranger continued to email me, but I still hadn't read any of them. I didn't know what to do with them. When I told Lexi about them she said I'd read them when the time was right. Ultimately, I decided she was right. I moved all of his emails into a dedicated folder and set a rule so all of his emails would go into that folder without my seeing them.

Lexi also told me that Ranger's daughter was born while I was in Tunisia. Rachel and Ranger named her Julie. According to Lexi, Julie looked exactly like Ranger's baby pictures. They were still waiting for the DNA test to come back, but according to Abuela, Julie also acted exactly like infant Carlos. Knowing that hurt some, but not as much as I expected. I guess he came to see me shortly after Julie was born, but I wasn't in Miami. A small part of me wished I had been home because I wondered how he felt now that he was a father. Parenthood changes people's perspectives, or so I'm told.

It was now the beginning of March, seven months since I cut ties with Ranger and Abuela. While I was in Tunisia I decided it was time to make my peace with her. Like Lester, Ranger put her in a difficult position when it came to me. And I was tired of holding onto my anger when it came to her. Holding onto my hurt feelings used up too much energy. Yes, it still upset me, but I understood now. I told Val about my epiphany during our weekly Sunday phone call. She told me that she was proud that of me. Even though I typically don't care what she thinks, it felt good to hear her say that.

Today was the first time I'd see Abuela since then. I sat in Maïte's, a little Catalonian café, waiting for her to arrive. I was practically squirming with nerves. I hoped that Abuela would accept my apology. Even though I knew that our relationship would never be the same again, I missed having her in my life. She had become my family while I was living there and I missed having her support and words of wisdom.

Abuela arrived ten minutes late. I stood to greet her, both of us kissing each others' cheeks. "Hello, hello! I'm so sorry for being late, Steph. My life is not my own at the moment," she said.

"No worries. How are you doing?" I asked. Even though she was being friendly and smiling at me, I was still apprehensive. My heart rate was higher than normal and my hands were clammy. I hated this feeling.

"I'm good. A little sleep deprived, but good. How are you doing?"

"I'm okay. A little nervous to be honest, but I guess that's to be expected. Right?" I laughed. "So why are you sleep deprived?"

Abuela didn't meet my eyes and looked around the restaurant a bit before answering me. "I'm helping Rachel take care of the baby, Julie. I'm trying to teach her to be a mother. Sorry, I'm sure that's not a topic you want to talk about."

"Oh…yeah. It's not exactly my favorite topic at the moment…. I guess this is as good of a time as any," I said taking a deep breath. Just then the waitress decided to show up and interrupt us. Argh.

"Hello! My name is Paula and I'll be your server today. Can I get your drink orders?" she asked.

"Water with lemon please," I said.

"Same for me. Thank you," Abuela responded.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. I decided a pep talk was in order. You can do this, Stephanie. Just apologize for cutting her out of your life and running away without a word. You can do this.

"Before you start, I wanted to say something as well. I know Carlos and I both hurt you deeply. Obviously, I can't speak for Carlos or resolve your issues with him. They are your own, but I feel badly that you felt you had to leave. I want you to know I had no intentions of asking you to move out," Abuela said.

I looked at the table and unwrapped the paper binder that went around the rolled silverware. I played with the binder for a moment, blinking back tears.

"I want you to know that I still consider you to be family. I've missed you these past seven months, but I understand why you severed ties. I'm very sorry for hurting you," she continued.

I sat there, staring at the fake wood grain of the table, absently playing with that little piece of paper. After a few moments of silence while I considered her words, I responded. "Thank you for the apology. It wasn't necessary, but I accept it. I understand that Ranger put you in a difficult position, just like he did with Les. I…I should have talked to you sooner, but I needed time to process everything. I'm sorry for essentially running away. I should've talked to you before I left. I know I worried you and I feel badly about that. It wasn't my intention to make you worry. I just couldn't be in your house, with Ranger and his pregnant wife." I blinked back tears.

"I know, Stephanie," she said and she stood and slid into my side of the booth. She gave me a tight hug.

We spent the rest of lunch catching up. Eventually we did talk about Rachel and the baby. I didn't want to, but it was a part of Abuela's life and I needed to accept that.

"Julie's absolutely beautiful, Steph. She's only a couple weeks old, but she already has lots of personality. She's not much of a crier, but when she does, watch out. Dios mio, she has a set of lungs on her. And quite the appetite, too," she said. I just smiled politely and nodded. "But Rachel…I hate speaking ill of people, but I was really hoping she would take to motherhood once Julie was born."

"She's not enjoying motherhood?" I asked. "Maybe she's just not ready to be a mother yet."

"I don't think she'll ever be ready to be a mother. Most women fall in love before they even hear the first sonogram. Once they see the ultrasound they're head over heels. Rachel wasn't either and initially, I was attributing this to her joventud, but I think I was wrong. She didn't even fall in love with Julie when she held her for the first time. She's completely detached." [youth]

"Could she have post-partum depression?" I didn't really care, but I didn't want Rachel to suffer with depression. With other things, sure. Just because I forgave Les and Abuela didn't mean that I forgave Ranger or Rachel. I'm not that big of a person.

"She doesn't have any of the signs besides the detachment. I don't know. She has a check-up with the doctor soon so we'll see what she says then. I'm sorry. I'm sure you don't want to talk about this."

"No, no. I mean, it's not my favorite subject, but Rachel and Julie are part of your life now. I have to accept that," I said with a sigh. "I hope things get better with Rachel."

"Me too. I'm too old to raise a baby by myself."

"Do you really think that's going to happen?" I asked.

"At this rate…yes. Carlos can't with his job. And Rachel...I don't think motherhood is a role she'll ever want."

We continued talking for the next hour. As much as it hurt to hear everything about Julie, I forced myself to listen and partake in the conversation because, regardless of my feelings, she would be in my friends' lives from here on out. I had to accept that.