PAINT MY GOODBYE RED
Chapter 39: Forever
"You grow up so fast, Axl." Red huffed out as he caught his breath. He had climbed up to a platform before teleporting to one of the edges of the arena, with a button on the wall. Having won the fight, I had gone back to the edge where X and Zero were. "You…you've jumped over the Dragon's Gate. You're not a fish anymore. You're a dragon." he huffed out some more.
"Thanks, Red, but…why didn't you…I mean…did the Professor restrict your bodily functions, like what…what happened to Tonion?" I questioned. I can't believe I beat Red one-on-one. Was he handicapped or something? As awesome as it can be, I still can't believe that I beat him in his own turf. If I beat him because he wasn't as strong as he could be, then it would be quite a letdown.
"No." Red answered as he sat down on the far edge. "The Professor…he came and talked to me about some nonsense. When he left, I…he removed his virus from me."
Wait, what?
He's not infected anymore?
"Is it true, Red?" I cried out. "You're not infected anymore?"
"Yeah." Red answered.
"Then you have to come with us!" I yelled at him.
I don't know what the hell the Professor was thinking, doing that, of all things. Sure, even if he rigged something else inside Red, we can remove it later! Even if it's a bomb, if we can recover Red's electronic brain, we can fix him and he can start a new life, like me! He doesn't have to die…
Red just laughed, looking up at the ceiling.
"I'm so happy…" Red replied, choking down his sobs, "That you've returned to me, for me. Thank you. But I have to refuse."
Red, what the fuck? You're just going to sit down here and die? You can't be serious.
"Why, Red? You don't have to die!" I argued back.
"I'm sorry, Axl. But this is my choice. This whole group was my life. I'm going down with it. Besides…it's my time already." Red explained himself.
"What the hell? Red, reploids aren't like humans. If we can just recover your electronic brain, we can rebuild you. And Red Alert was my life, too! Does it mean I have to die?" I tried to press on my point. Please don't throw your life away, Red…
"You're still young, Axl. You have your future ahead of you." Red insisted back.
"You're no different! As reploids, we have the potential to be immortal. You have your future ahead of you, too! Are you just going to give up?" I cried out. I don't understand…
Red chuckled when he heard me. "Who wants to live forever? Even if you do, remember what I said, Axl? It's understandable and natural for people to want their loved ones by their side at all times. But sometimes we can't have that."
"So what are you doing, then? You're running away?" I asked him. Is he just going to lie down and die here?
"You know better than everyone, Axl, that we have committed great sins, even before we broke our own code of honour." Red explained. "I believe that this is just karma, and I can't run away from my place…with the rest of the others, wherever they are now. But you…you and the other defectors, you escaped unscathed by the virus. It's you guys who have a future. It's my choice, Axl, and nothing you say is going to change that."
As soon as Red finished speaking, he pressed the button on the wall of his side of the arena, and suddenly the ground started shaking.
"Wha—what's going on?" I questioned.
"Earthquake?" Zero blurted out.
"Red! What did you do?" X asked.
"Self-destruct button." Red answered. "This arena will be my grave. I don't intend for anyone to scavenge me and rebuild me."
I hate you, Red. I hate you so much. But who am I kidding? Those two sentences were lies. Big fat lies.
"I didn't return for this, Red." I sobbed. I didn't come here to find out that he can be saved, but he ended up choosing death anyways. I don't understand.
"Yes, you did." Red flatly answered. "Thank you for returning, Axl. I love you too."
That's it. Those are his last words. Of all things to say…
I felt my tears rapidly welling up and dropping down my face like my eyes are waterfalls. Come on, say it. Open your mouth, let the voice out. Let him hear something nice before he dies…
"I love you, Red."
Alright, I did it. Now, I can't look back…move your legs. Leave quickly, this place is going to cave in.
Maybe one last glance won't hurt…
Red was there, sitting on his side of the arena as little pieces of the ceiling fall around him.
I can't stare. Just one glance had taken time. Time that should be used to run away from here.
"Let's go, Axl." X gently said to me, patting my shoulder.
I just nodded, hanging my head. That's it. I'm Red Alert's sole survivor now.
"Let's go, quickly." Zero urged us, and we ran.
"That fish just turned into a dragon!" I had cried out when Red showed me the .gif of the carp turning into a dragon from the story. "So cooooool!"
"I know, right? It transformed from an ordinary little fish into an all-powerful dragon." Red added. "But still, even with a change like that, there's a sacrifice to be made."
"Really?" I questioned. Back then, I didn't understand the implications of rising above your peers.
"See this? The carp that just jumped over, it soared alone, while its friends continued to try to jump across the Dragon's Gate. Obviously, it doesn't belong with its carp friends anymore. It has to live among the dragons, live like the dragons." Red explained.
"It's…sad, when you put it like that." I remarked.
"I know. But sometimes, goodbyes have to be said. You see the rest of the carp in the river? One fine day a fisherman will find the bunch of fish and catch and sell them. And then people will cook them and eat them. The fish will die before they can become dragons. If the carp didn't turn into a dragon and didn't say its goodbyes, then it'll die like its friends." Red explained more.
"Then, since that dragon-carp has become powerful, it should save its friends!" I argued back.
Red shook his head with a smile. "In Chinese folklore, dragons have the responsibility to control the weather. When will it rain, when will the sun rise. By controlling the weather, it controls the lives of the people. Because plants, including rice, are grown not just with seeds, but by rain. If rain doesn't fall, then there will be a famine and shortage of water. All life will suffer: Plants, animals, humans. Even we reploids can be quite miserable without water.
The carps that have become dragons have that duty and responsibility to fulfil, because they're not carps anymore." he elaborated even more. "It can't just cause floods and kill many humans just because humans eat fish and humans need to eat to survive. That's just sick."
"So…basically…? Is becoming a dragon a good thing? I'm not sure anymore…" I stammered out nervously.
"Well, it really depends on each individual. Not every carp would want to spend their whole lives trying to jump over some gate. Others prefer living and dying a carp—eat, swim, have eggs. And it's their choice. The carp that choose to bet their lives on the Dragon's Gate will look for the gate and try to jump over it, knowing that they might just die without becoming a dragon. And even when they've become dragons, they can't just abuse their powers.
Neither choice is wrong, Axl. There's good and bad in it, so you have to respect other people's choices." Red answered.
"So, Red…what's your answer?" I asked.
"I don't know yet. But for now, I'm content where I am. So I guess I'll stay a fish my whole life, but I don't mind." Red chuckled. "I like being free."
I suppose you're free now, Red. Looking back at our conversation that time, it's like it was almost prophetic. If I didn't escape to the Hunters, I…I probably would have been toyed with by the Professor. I had to say goodbye to everyone, even Red. And now I have new duties and new responsibilities to take care of.
I'm sorry I didn't listen the first time, Red. It was your choice to stay here and die. Knowing you, you probably didn't want to work for the government that betrayed all reploids. I'm sorry that, even though, in your words, I've become a dragon, I'm still young and kind of stupid. But I promise I'll grow up. I'll make you and everyone else even more proud.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: The more I think about it, the more I feel that my life is following PMGR. I have to say goodbye to Singapore and to my old life of mindlessly clinging to school; the simple concept of "have classes, pass exams, have fun, repeat". I'm about to transition from living in a micro version of the real life to going out to see the real thing. Feel its challenges, feel the truth in the quotes I toss around like it's nothing: "Sometimes we can't get what we want".
Writing this chapter comforted me. I was so frustrated, and then I realised that in order to change, to transition, to improve, sacrifices are needed. I had to leave a few things before I moved to Singapore and fight a few fights, too...and things got better.
I need to leave my comfort zone again, like last time. And like the last time, I'll carve my way to the mountain top.
I'd say that I, too, will jump over the Dragon's Gate, but PMGR's Axl/Lambda is more dragon than I am. psst moonchan/Hannaji you knoooow.
