A/N: Again I'm sorry for the time in between updates. I hope you can forgive me!


Chapter Fifty

Emma's POV

Before the moment had even arrived he had known he wasn't going to shove a piece of cake in her face. She was more than likely going to be nervous enough without him adding a mess into the equation. In a way what was about to happen was probably close to some equivalent of her worst nightmare. She had spoken often that when she ate she felt as though everyone was watching her. This time, that was going to be true.

Keeping his eyes trained on hers he mouthed that she would be fine as he lifted the small forkful of cake to her lips. She didn't hesitate like he thought she might and her gaze remained on his as she chewed and swallowed. The smile that graced her face moments later, unhindered by complicated thoughts he had been fearing was radiant and care-free and beautiful and unforgettable.

He doubted anyone else in the room had caught the quick display but that didn't matter because no one else would understand the importance of a simple smile after a piece of cake and as he dutifully accepted her bite of cake before leaning in for a kiss he paused long enough to whisper that he loved her.

As they sat down together and obliged the clinking of forks against wine glasses with a gentle kiss he allowed his mind to wander back to the way she had looked walking towards him, the sun seeming to dance across her skin, her hair perfect in the elegant up-do someone had decided upon and the expression in her eyes only one of love. In that moment, and the one later when he had kissed her for the first time as her husband instead of her boyfriend he had wanted to cry. Through everything life had thrown at them they had persevered and were one step closer to the future that for so long had been suspended, caught in the limbo of therapy sessions and hospitals and medication.

Her meal had been simple, a large salad with slices of oven roasted chicken sprinkled in along with finely grated cheese and a delicate spattering of dressing. When they had been deciding on food the prospect of eating a full meal in front of so many people had terrified her so they had compromised with a salad. She had been in a different place recovery wise then although he was still fairly certain she was probably relieved about the plate in front of her and that didn't bother him. The fact that she ate a decent-sized piece of cake while freely talking with people who came up to offer congratulations without appearing to be overcome with a fear of being seen was more than enough for him.

For the time-being he was content, sitting next to his wife surrounded by family and friends, occasionally taking a break to ensure the seemingly ever present ting of forks against glasses died down once in a while. Under the table his hand found one of hers, not for comfort as it had been in so many situations involving food, but because he simply wanted to be touching her.

As it was his mind wouldn't stop conjuring up scenarios for the night ahead. Over and over he had assured her that they didn't have to do anything if she was tired or second-guessing but she had always declined his out. They weren't going to a fancy hotel or straight to some romantic honeymoon destination. True to their penchant for not doing things traditionally they were going back to the apartment because it was there the he knew she would feel the most relaxed. Emma had protested the initial suggestion saying that she didn't want to be the reason they spent their wedding night at home but he had assured her he wouldn't have it any other way. Most of the guests thought they were leaving tonight for a get-a-way and he was okay with that. They really didn't need to know.

It was as the reception wore on, and the usual festivities had given way to people freely mingling and offering advice on how to be properly married that he had started to realize that some things everyone felt was their business and on that list of some things was Emma's health. So far, the only reprieve had been Sue, who had kept her comments to cracks about his hair, a snide remark about the Glee club performance that had been softened by a wink and two heart-felt hugs, one for each of them.

When her father walked up to them with a smile mentioning how proud her mother would be Will had figured they were home free. He had pulled her close then, knowing just how difficult it was for her, getting married, realizing one of her mother's dreams without her mother there to share it.

An awkward silence ensured as the trio stood facing each other, no one sure of what to say in the aftermath of the comment.

"How are your eating habits then, tweetiebug? The man's eyes searched those of his daughters' with a relentless intensity that left Will examining the remaining liquid resting at the bottom of his glass.

As a concerned father he had the right to ask, that Will would never deny him. As a guest, a family member at his daughter's wedding Will thought the question was incredibly insensitive but he had never been in the man's shoes and maybe if the roles were switched he would be asking too.

Emma had gone out of her way to isolate herself from family and friends throughout the course of her eating disorder and he had no doubt that if he hadn't been persistent in seeing her so much that eventually the same fate might have befallen him once the novelty of their relationship had become replaced with the knowledge that it was that relationship that was jeopardizing her ability to hide what she had come to rely on as necessary.

Standing there stealing glances at his wife who seemed to be regarding her father with a mixture of disbelief and slight anger, he felt guilty. It wasn't fair that instead of seeing his daughter on her wedding day he was seeing an opportunity to check up on her well-being. And maybe it wasn't fair that he thought it wasn't fair. After all, maybe these were normal questions asked by well-intentioned parents. And maybe they were abnormal ones, asked in desperation by concerned parents. He really didn't know.

"They're good dad. I'm working on it." Emma replied evenly, her step backwards not unnoticed by Will, her silent, probably unconscious attempt to get away from the situation she didn't want to be in.

"I'm only askin' because you're my daughter and this old man gets worried once in a while. You don't call very often." He smiled then, a combination of hope and an attempt to placate the conversation.

"I know dad." This time Emma looked down, choosing to meet the floor over her father's imploring face and Will couldn't blame her. As it was he was only surrupticiously watching her and avoiding him.

This wasn't the first time he had seen what started out as a casual conversation littered with congratulations and comments of how lucky she was delve into the murky depths of psychiatric issues. Problems to be navigated without ever using the actual words but instead substitutes like 'that eating thing' and 'diet.' He knew they were only concerned and doing what humans do, inquiring but he still felt it was all out of place and it made him wonder if she was forever destined to be reminded of something she was still working to forget.

A handful of people had clasped her on the shoulder or drawn her in for a bear hug only to whisper that she needn't worry about something so crazy as her becoming overweight. Of course, if these people were relatives their logic was peppered with stories of how scrawny she was as a child. Through all of this Emma smiled politely and he felt uncomfortable on her behalf usually studying his shoes until the subject changed or the person left.

Her father was moving to speak again when Sophia bounced over with a slightly uncoordinated spring in her step, her face flushed from an undetermined amount of alcohol. Will snorted into his glass when she came to an abrupt halt facing Emma's father, one hand raised in the traditional Vulcan salute.

"I need to speak with your daughter. It's a matter of utmost importance." Will blinked in surprise as the woman's face went from blissfully happy to serene and stoic in a matter of seconds as she delivered the line in a manner that would have made Leonard Nimoy proud before she whirled around and grabbed a confused Emma by the arm shooting Will a side-long glance indicating he should follow.

"I knew that her finding out Netflix streamed Star Trek Voyager would end badly. Would you believe me if I said I didn't know her?" Chaaya's voice was silken, warm and inviting and Will thought it endearing that she was trying to rationalize her girlfriend's behavior.

"Streaming Voyager, I might have to check that out and for the record, I wouldn't believe you, not for a second." Will replied, downing the last of his drink and heading over to the corner of the room to see what Sophia was whispering to his wife, wondering if it would be in English or some alien language.

"Do you want me to sock them? Spike their drinks? I will." Sophie fixed Emma with triumphant smile, a fire in her eyes that left Will thinking that the Cuban really would make good on her threats.

For the first time since the reception had began Emma burst out into a real laugh, not the cautious, well-timed ones she had been feeding those around her but an honest chuckle that only grew in intensity. Of course the fact that Sophia remained appearing so serious wasn't helping and soon he found that he was joining in, thankful for the woman's presence and unsurpassed ability to diffuse tense situations apparently even whilst slightly intoxicated.

Sophia was always able to take something the world viewed as serious and turn it into something humorous. She was the perfect offset for Emma, often getting her to lighten up on subjects he wasn't sure how to broach.

"Do you want to make an announcement?" Sophia pretended to hold a microphone to her mouth, holding up her glass as if making a toast. "Thank you everyone for coming. It means the world to us and I just wanted to let you know how truly grateful we are and because you all seem to feel that social norms don't apply to you and that you can ask incredibly personal questions, I'm eating. Stop fucking asking, oh and don't forget to sign the guestbook!"

Emma leaned over, pulling Sophia into a hug both of them lost in a fit of laughter that Will found contagious and refreshing and it wasn't long before Sophia had literally drug Chaaya out onto the dance floor saying something about dancing even despite the presence of her two left feet and as the song started to play Will turned to Emma.

"May I have this dance?" He questioned, holding out his hand, drawn in by the sight of her before him, captivated by the strands of perfectly curled hair that were left to frame her face.

Slowly he led her out onto the floor, a cacophony of cheers accompanying each step and he realized that apparently, even though they had already done the first dance, they were still, without a doubt, under watchful eyes.

He pulled Emma close, wrapping his arms around her waist and encouraging her to place her arms around his neck as he effortlessly slid into the rhythm of the song, content to just exist in the moment.

"The song's in Spanish." Emma whispered against him as though she were revealing a secret he wasn't aware of.

"I think," Will stepped away from Emma long enough to twirl her gently, "It was requested by a certain half of a certain couple just behind you."

Emma turned in his arms, and he followed her line of sight to the couple he had been speaking of. Sophia was slowly leading Chaaya across the dance floor and Will suspected that the building could have burned down around them and neither party would notice.

Sophia was smiling shyly, gazing into Chaaya's eyes as she leaned in for a kiss that left Will feeling like he was intruding on something private and special.

"What's it saying?" Emma asked, turning once again so that her face was now buried against his chest.

For a moment Will listened to Santana as she sang the song traditionally sung by a male, placing one hand under Emma's chin lifting her to face him. "Kiss me, kiss me a lot, for I'm scared to lose you afterwards. I want to have you so close, see myself in your eyes, see you next to me, think as if tomorrow I will be far, very far away from you." He spoke softly, his eyes not leaving hers as he lightly sang the chorus and leaned in for the kiss the song spent so much time alluding to noticing that a few other couples did the same.


Emma's POV

As Emma danced, listening to Will's translation, his voice low and smooth in her ear she couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt. They were both in the same boat, neither of their mother's were present but when she thought about it, having your mother not at your wedding because she had recently been placed in a nursing home and needed to be under constant supervision seemed far worse than your mother simply being dead.

So, as it was, their wedding was surrounded by such imperfections but one of the things she held onto was the cake and how she had been able to accomplish what she had dreamed of, eating a piece without being overcome with anxiety. Something that would undoubtedly seem painfully simple to the rest of the world, but to her it meant more than words would ever be able to articulate.

She had seriously considered Sophia's joking suggestion of an announcement about her eating. Never in her life had she been on the receiving end of so many compliments about how healthy she looked and on top of that were the comments that she had nothing to worry about when it came to becoming overweight. In a way Emma wished they would leave her alone. It wasn't their life to pry in even though she knew they meant well.

Will had been considerate with the cake and that left a smile on her face. He had forgone the usual tradition of slicing off a huge piece in favor of a small tidbit on a fork and she had purposefully kept her eyes on his as she had taken it, not wanting to see the faces fixed on them, watching her eat because no matter what she told herself, that's what people did at weddings when the first bite of cake was involved and when it was common knowledge that the bride was recovering from an eating disorder they weren't simply watching anymore, they were studying.

The night wore on and Emma felt herself growing tired on her feet, exhausted after having thanked so many people and listened to jokes riddled with stories punctuated with well-wishes. She was tired of the environment but she wasn't tired of Will who had become increasingly hands on as the reception carried out. Often she would feel him come up behind her, placing his hands on waist, leaving quick, chaste kisses on her neck, whispering that he loved her, calling her Mrs. Schuester and occasionally, good-naturedly whining about when they could leave.

Walking out to their car, hand in hand, doubled over in laughter at the antics of their friends and their shameless ploy in the form of an announcement that the newlyweds were leaving and wouldn't be reachable for a couple days Emma found herself excited rather than nervous about whatever their first night as husband and wife would entail.

Someone, and Emma had a feeling it was a group of teen-aged singing someone's, had window-chalked their rear window, letting the world know they were 'just married.' If Will hadn't known who the culprits were the golden star drawn next to the words was a dead give-away.

"At least they didn't tie cans on the back." Will grinned, opening her door and pausing to ensure all of her rebellious dress made it safely inside the vehicle before closing it.

They held hands the whole drive back and Emma waited for Will to let her out knowing that he wanted to play the role of a gentleman and selfishly, she wanted him to. She felt somewhat ridiculous walking up to the complex in a wedding dress, but when Will's hand blocked her from opening the front door she blushed.

"You know I have to." He whispered against her neck, scooping her up before she could react and carrying her bridal style over the threshold.

Emma gasped when he set her down, her eyes raking over the apartment that sometime during the day had been transformed. The furniture had been pushed back and small clusters of candles flickered in the darkness, bathing them both in a soft glow.

"I had some help." Will admitted with a blush, as he held her close from behind, his arms encircling her waist while his chin rested on the top of her head. "They haven't been lit long. I saw my accomplice driving away as we turned in." He mumbled as though reading her mind. "And no, I'm not telling you who."

"Where's Moritz?" Emma cut Will off slightly worried that the retriever would have been loose with candles burning and wondering why he wasn't greeting them at the door with his usual tail-thumping canine greeting she had grown to love.

"He's staying the night with a friend." Will smiled down at her before releasing his gentle grip on her waist.

"We have, for your drinking pleasure," He backed away towards the kitchen and she noticed the table was set for two, "wine," he held up a bottle she hadn't noticed that had been chilling in a container on the counter, "and Ensure." He motioned to the fridge with a grin that bordered on a laugh and Emma found herself smiling at the absurdity of having Ensure on their wedding night.

It was his way of turning it into a joke, the fact that she was still required to drink a bottle in the evening as well as one in the morning and she found herself incredibly touched that he was still making sure she stayed on track when it would have been so easy to go off.

"I'll have a small glass of wine thank you, and some Ensure later." Emma answered his unspoken question and he whirled around snatching up a couple glasses that she hadn't noticed sitting on the counter.

By the time they got to the living room, sitting on the floor with the wine glasses by their side they had given up on small talk and Emma found the taste of wine on his lips was not at all unpleasant. Slowly Will began to unzip the back of her dress and Emma helped him remove it by standing up. As soon as the dress hit the ground she blushed, acutely aware of his eyes traveling her body, resting appreciatively on the white lingerie Sophie had insisted upon.

"Look at me." Will whispered gently from his position on his knees, one hand grasped in his while the other rested softly on her hip.

Tentatively Emma listened, lifting her eyes until they found his, her stance wavering as she fought to obey his request.

"You're beautiful." He continued, his voice still barely above a whisper while he brushed his lips against the back of her hand before pulling her down against him.

She let herself get lost in his kisses as they trailed from her lips to her collar bone and down between her breasts seeming to leave her skin ablaze in the soft light afforded by the tiny flames around them. When he reached up to unhook her bra he paused, searching her face, conveying without words that anything they did tonight was perfectly fine with him, re-asking for the permission she was ready to give. Silently telling her they didn't have to make love if she wasn't ready and even though she wasn't making a sound, the voice behind her thoughts saying she wanted to, was deafening.

"I want to." Emma forced herself to speak the phrase out loud, wanting there to be no room for confusion. "Make love to me Will."

He smiled then, a brief interlude before his lips returned to hers and his hands unclasped the hook they had been resting upon. Warm kisses sprinkled along her neck distracted her from the fact that her bra now lay a few feet away in a heap on the floor and his whisper about her being beautiful as his fingers grazed her breasts chased away her self-consciousness.

Time slipped away, tucking itself into a different portion of her mind and soon she was stretched out before him, her bare skin glowing in the dim light as shadows danced across her forearms and torso. He hovered over her before lying down on his side inches away, placing one hand on her stomach and following its meandering path with gentle kisses.

"We have a problem." Emma tugged at his already loosened tie and he obliged by removing it. Without another word she began to unbutton his dress shirt while his hands still caressed her body and his breath tickled her breasts. She let her hands play across his chest, feeling empowered and bold in the moment, using the sensation to urge him to get rid of his slacks and the remaining barrier that rested beneath them.

When he moaned softly and wrapped his arms around her upper half, pulling her body flush against his a small worry nibbled at her mind. His fingers were resting easily on her sides and briefly she wondered how much of her ribs he could feel and how that probably differed from what he had once known.

"Stop it, stop thinking." Will murmured into her ear before dropping his hand between her legs and gently cupping her. "Don't think, just feel." He whispered as he began to move his hand and draw circles with his fingers until Emma was aware of nothing but the smell of scented candles and the sensations building in her body.

He rolled them over again, this time so that she was on her back, he on his side, one hand still between her legs while he used the other to support himself as he leaned over to plant kisses along her breasts, his tongue swirling in time with his fingers.

She didn't know how long they stayed in that position but soon her hands were fisted in the blanket beneath her and Will's contented chuckles when she moaned or called out his name were enough to spur her on. She let her legs fall open wider as he added another finger and she realized she wasn't sure when he had added the first couple before all thought ceased and she turned, biting down on his shoulder as her body tensed.

Will never stopped kissing her, trailing his mouth down between her breasts, to her stomach, along her ribcage and back up again until he paused at her shoulder obviously intent on leaving a mark. For a brief moment she wished he would stop so she could languish in the haze that had washed over her but before she could even string a sentence together her body began reacting again to his touch and he smiled when she moaned softly.

Slowly he withdrew the fingers that he hadn't stopped moving inside of her and she whimpered slightly at the loss. He crawled above her, lowering himself against her, supporting his weight on his elbows as he gazed into her eyes.

He was asking silently again and Emma only nodded and reached her hand down to brush against him causing him to groan under his breath. She gasped slightly when she felt him at her entrance and started to hold her breath as he began to push inside.

"Relax sweetheart." He breathed out, his breath warm against her ear, his voice taught with restraint.

Gently he inched inside of her, pausing for her to get used to the foreign sensation. It felt odd but not unpleasant, like she was full. He held himself still while she adjusted, his forearms beginning to shake with exhaustion and Emma experimentally wiggled her hips causing him to moan loudly and leave feverish kisses on her neck.

"Okay." She whispered knowing his eyes would be closed even if she did nod and she heard a rough "I love you" as he slid all the way in, past her barrier. Apologies fell from his lips as she winced slightly at the pain. Everything she had read had prepared her for much worse than what she was experiencing and it wasn't long before she raised her hips up to his, silently telling him to continue.

Lying there beneath him, watching his face awash in pleasure as he began to move in and out of her at a gradually increasing pace she felt at ease with the world, caught up in this one perfect moment. His hand once again sliding between them pulled her from her thoughts and she wrapped her arms around his waist as she came again seconds before he stilled above her. Selfishly she kept her eyes open, fixed on his face, watching as it contorted into pure pleasure before he very gently lowered himself on top of her, careful to still support most of his weight.

He rolled them over, the sudden absence of him within her leaving her missing something she didn't know she could miss. She blushed as she gazed into his eyes but he only kissed the tip of her nose and whispered that she was amazing.

They exchanged kisses for a while longer, Emma daring to take the time to explore his body in a manner that was both strange and welcoming. Before long she had turned in his arms, her back pressed against his chest, one of his legs resting between hers and she smiled into the candle light in the distance.

"What are you smiling about?" His breath was warm against her ear, his voice teasing, as though he knew she hadn't been aware he was watching so closely.

"Us," She stated simply before elaborating more for his benefit, "about how far we have come and now we have this whole future and well, so many times I gave up the idea of a future where I was happy but here it is, staring me in the face, us in the face. Thank you for staying by me Will, through everything." She waited anxiously while her words seemed to saturate the air around them and he sighed heavily against her.

"Leaving was never an option." He commented as he pulled them both up into a sitting position and Emma found herself on the verge of tears as thoughts swirled in her head. She had just made love to the man she wanted to spend her life with, her friend and now husband.

For the first time in longer than she could remember the idea of a future felt like it had a place in her life, a deserved place, not a mandated one dictated by those around her. For the first time she was able to really imagine what her life with Will could be like, going back to school in the fall, moving into a house and maybe, one day, starting a family.

So much of her life while trapped in the disorder had been about the pursuit of success, of being good enough at something others weren't. Right now, as she snuggled up to Will, she felt loved and cherished and on the right track that for once didn't involve counting calories or restricting. Whether this moment would fade she wasn't sure but for as long as it made itself available she was going to embrace it.


Will's POV

They had made love one more time that night and he had made sure to pay attention to every aspect of her body he knew she was still nervous about. He had lingered near the scars on her thigh, and told her she was gorgeous just the way she was.

Both of them had stopped after only two glasses of wine and it had been Emma's idea to poor them each some Ensure in a wine glass. Her unbridled laughter and the way she had looked, so naturally radiant dressed in his shirt as she had stood in the kitchen sipping at the drink between giggles was still playing in his mind. Considering how the day had gone, all the conversations they had been subjected to at the reception she had acted it were a normal day. Small things throughout the evening banished that notion, the way they would refer to each other as husband and wife, the wedding dress now draped carefully over a chair and the tux that rested on top of it. Little reminders that the day wasn't normal.

As he lay next to her in their bed he couldn't help but smile about her comment earlier where she had revealed that she was thinking about them. She hadn't said it but he had known that really meant she had been thinking about their future as a couple and the feeling of elation he got when he realized what that meant was indescribable.

For so long the disorder had stripped away any ambition she had for her future, encasing her in a world where food and its subsequent avoidance was the sole presiding focal point. Her days had become whittled away to nothing more than the hope that she might weigh less the next morning and she had abandoned the idea of what her future might hold in favor of how many calories she had consumed that day.

Now, after so much time and effort and patience, everything was finally paying off and for the first time since their relationship had began he could sense that she felt like she had a place in the world, with him.

He had meant it when he had said that leaving was never an option. Even when he had run off to the motel that night he had been unable to deal with her throwing up after his emotionally exhausting first appointment with Linda he hadn't ever considered walking away from her for good. It had been a weak point but a necessary one that had helped her to see just how much her disorder was affecting him.

It was only within the last few months that he had allowed himself to imagine being with her the way he was tonight. Some days he had been so worried about her health both mentally and physically that it literally had been the last thing on his mind. Looking down at her, watching the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she slept curled up against him he couldn't believe how fortunate he was.

As pulled her closer against him and deposited a soft kiss on the top of her head he whispered that he loved her smiling when she groggily responded with something that in her mind had probably made perfect sense.

"I told you we would be okay." He spoke softly against her neck recalling the night he had first discovered the severity of what was going on and how worried he had been, how the words had been a desperate attempt to placate his fear as he had held her close.

They had come so far since then, pushed their way through so much and he would do it again, all of it, because it was what had brought them to where they were now; in love, married and excited about what their life together held, their life without the debilitating disorder that had tried to take her away from him. Tried.

"Can we have blueberry pancakes for breakfast?" Emma's slurred voice startled him from his reverie and he smiled through the darkness.

"Don't think I haven't forgotten about someone putting syrup in my hair." He teased, threading his fingers through her hair knowing that he would make the trip to the store for blueberries, delighted that she had said what she wanted before he had been forced to ask.

He caught a glimpse of their future in her request, of them sitting down to meals and the contents on the plate being secondary to their discussion about their day, of her sipping a cappuccino on a blustery winter afternoon, of them sharing a banana split that melted in the heat of summer before they could finish it.

He caught a glimpse of their future in her request, a future where the disorder took a back seat to them, to their relationship, to her life and his.


End of Part One

A/N: Thank you so much for all of your support throughout this story and a special thanks to faded_glass and Sierra Jae for their encouragement in the undertaking of a part two. I'm not sure when part two will be started but watch out for it!

Again, thank you to everyone who has remained loyal to this adventure, your reviews have helped me through many things. The subject matter in this story is very near to my heart and I cannot even begin to describe how flattered I am that so many of you have contacted me about how reading of Emma's struggle has helped you to understand eating disorders and mental illness more. That is truly the greatest thing that has come from this, teaching others, and one more time, I thank you.