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Hope you enjoy!
Saving Grace
Chapter Fifty-One: Sacrifice
Sioux Falls, South Dakota — Bobby's House — 08:32 AM.
"Dean!"
The sound of Sam's voice rang through the house, and Dean looked up from the book on his lap in alarm. There was something to his tone that sounded like panic, and it grabbed his attention immediately. He tossed the book aside, and anything he had been reading about the apocalypse was instantly forgotten as he stormed through the house in search of the source. He came to an abrupt halt in the living room, and he frowned.
Sam stood before him, his eyes were wide, and he seemed breathless. There was an evident fear in his eyes, and Dean was a little taken aback by the sight of him looking the way he did. A quick scan of the room proved that nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary there, and it took him a moment to react to the peculiar situation.
"We've got a problem." Sam stated, hurried, before Dean had the chance to even think up a comment. "And, I mean, a big problem."
"What is it?" Dean asked, cautious. "What's going on?"
"Haley's gone." he blurted.
The words hit Dean like a punch to the face, and it took him a moment to realize what had been said. It occurred to him, he hadn't seen her since their argument, and that had been hours ago. He had simply assumed that she had gone to bed, the same as everyone else, but had that been the case? He hadn't seen her go upstairs. And, when he thought more about it, he hadn't seen her since the previous night when she had stepped outside the house for a smoke break. Had she even come back in?
"Wait," He held up a hand to stop him, and he tried to think. "What do you mean she's gone?" he pushed, calm. "Gone where?"
"I don't know. I was looking for her, and I mean, I've looked everywhere. She's not in the house, she's not outside, Bobby hasn't seen her since last night, Cas doesn't know anything, he doesn't know where the hell she went. When does she ever go out anywhere without telling one of us what's going on?" he babbled, and he paused. "She's just gone, Dean."
"Okay." Dean pulled a hand down his face, and he tried to think of a reasonable solution. He wasn't about to give into panic the way his brother had done. "Look, her phone is right there," He gestured to the table in the center of the room. "It's not like she's gonna have gone far without it. She's probably run down to the store to get breakfast or something. Chill out."
"Chill out?!" Sam's eyebrows shot up, incredulous. "Did you hear her this last night? She's done something stupid, I know it."
"No, you don't." he objected. "We don't know that. We don't know anything."
Dean turned away from him for a moment, and he sighed. He knew it was true, Haley never went anywhere without telling them where she was headed, and, even if she was too pissed at them to say something, it wasn't like her not to have told Bobby or Castiel. It just wasn't like her, and a part of him understood his brother's alarm. He thought back to their conversation, and the last words she had said to him replayed in his mind. Had she really been planning something all along? Had she really set out with the intention to stop them before they had the chance to get Sam to say yes to Lucifer? Had she really done something so stupid?
Dean sighed, and he turned back to face him. "Okay." he sighed. "We're not gonna panic. We'll find her."
Sam scoffed, dubious. "How?"
His eyes fell back towards Castiel, who now stood behind them, seeming hesitant to get involved. "Cas, you and I can go one way, Sam, you get Bobby and head a different way. There's only so many places in town she could have gone. We will find her."
"Yeah?" Sam raised his eyebrows, skeptical. "And where are we gonna look, huh?"
"Look, she's pissed, right? At all of us. Cas and me will check out the motels, she probably just needed some space. Hell, maybe she went for a run." He shrugged. "You and Bobby scope out town, check out some diners or something. I don't know, Sam. But, we'll find her."
"You keep saying that." Sam chided. "But, how? Dean, she could be anywhere. We don't even know that she's still in town."
"There's only one way to find out." he rebuked. "So, we better move."
Sioux Falls, South Dakota — Motel Room — 10:00 AM.
Haley took a long drink of whiskey and placed the bottle down to the table before her with a sigh. Her green eyes were fixed unseeingly upon it, and she was too lost in her own thoughts to notice much of anything else. There were a million and one different thoughts swarming her mind, and she just couldn't seem to get a focus on one before something else crashed down upon her. Each one was worse than the last, and they were spiraling beyond her control. She couldn't hold a straight idea long enough to think it through, and it was all a noise that just couldn't be silenced, it was a screaming inside her head, an endless argument within herself that she had no hope of winning. It wouldn't end.
That was the way it had been since she had arrived in that motel room four hours ago. She had turned her back on the only place she could ever call home, and the family that were sleeping inside it. Since then, she hadn't managed to do much of anything, she had remained in that chair, unable to bring herself to move. Maybe that was out of a fear of what she knew would happen when she did.
A part of her simply didn't want to acknowledge what she was doing, or why she was doing it, because she didn't want to give herself the chance of changing her mind. She didn't want to think about Sam, or Dean, because it was only going to bring up emotions that she wasn't prepared to face. She couldn't handle those feelings of guilt. It was like, somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew it was over. Maybe she had done all along. There was no way that the three of them were going to come out of the apocalypse alive. Perhaps it was always destined that one of them had to die, and all she could control now was which one of them it would be.
There was no coming back from that place, and, at that point, Haley was content with that.
Her gaze returned to the photograph that lay before her on the table, untouched, the only thing that she had brought with her when she had left the house. It was of the three of them, back when they had been teenagers, and it brought a soft smile to her face. She picked it up, almost tentative, and barely noticed how her hands were shaking as she did. The three kids in that picture looked so happy, so full of life, so carefree, and it seemed strange to think that they had turned into the people they were today. They were all broken and scarred and damaged, to a point that there was no coming back from it. There was no denying that.
Truthfully, Haley couldn't remember the last time the three of them had smiled like that together.
"Haley."
The voice dragged her back from her thoughts, and the unexpected sound startled her. Someone was in the room with her, and the cool air that hit the back of her neck proved that they were standing in the doorway, waiting.
Slowly, hesitant, she rose to stand from the chair, and she noted how she felt a little light-headed. It was only then that she realized just how much she had drunk, and she had to take a short, steady breath to compose herself.
The man that stood in the doorway frowned at her, confused, accusing, and the worry was evident in his features despite the relief in having found her. He didn't step any further into the room, as though waiting to be invited inside. He stood there and waited, for what, she wasn't sure. Did he want some kind of an explanation, because she couldn't offer him that, not when she wasn't all that sure about what she was doing herself. Did he want her to turn and go back with him? Because she couldn't do that, either.
In that moment, time seemed to stand still, and all they could do was stare at each other.
Until Haley sighed. "Hey, Cas." she stated simply, and a small smile came to her face. "Thanks for coming."
Castiel furrowed his brow, because he didn't understand what was going on. Almost an hour into searching town for her, he had gotten a simple text message. One from a number he hadn't recognized. It had been a blatant request to come to that motel room, alone. And, he knew, it could only have come from one person.
"Are you alone?" she pressed, cautious. "You didn't tell them, right?"
Castiel gave a slow shake of his head. "No, I didn't tell them." he affirmed, and she seemed to relax a little. "What are you doing?" he asked, wary, and he closed the door behind himself as he stepped into the room. "Sam and Dean are worried about you. They're looking for you." His eyes narrowed, and his gaze shifted to the bottle behind her. "Have you been drinking?"
"Dutch courage." she offered.
Castiel frowned deeper. "Courage for what?"
But then he noticed something else. There was something wrong there. It was as though she knew something that he didn't. She was in that motel room, alone. There were no bags, no clothes, nothing. Just her. Hadn't Dean pointed out that she hadn't even taken her phone? There was a black cell phone laying on the bed, one that he knew wasn't hers, was that where the text message had come from? She had nothing with her, no weapons, nothing to defend herself with should something happen, that wasn't like her. He realized, Sam had been right all along. The look in her eyes was something he recognized; had seen it in her elder brother once before when he had been fighting to say yes to Michael, he had made the same moves. She was planning something. Something bad.
Haley offered him a half-hearted shrug. "I can't do this anymore, Cas." she told him, and her voice was soft, quiet, honest. "I can't let him do it. It's too much this time. They've gone too far." She paused, and her eyes rose to meet his gaze, worried and patient. "This is the only way."
Castiel shook his head at her, and it was clear that he had no intention of backing down.
"You're wrong." he countered. "This isn't what you want. None of us want this, Haley. But—"
"Don't justify this." she stopped him, abrupt. "He's my brother, Cas. My kid brother. I can't let him go through with it. I can't leave him to be possessed by the devil. I won't."
Blue eyes regarded her for a long moment. "What are you saying?" There was a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach that she had a plan, and he didn't like to think what it was. "Haley, you can't take on Lucifer. You'll get yourself killed. He will destroy you."
Haley scoffed, unconcerned. "Yeah, well, like I keep telling you, Cas, it's not your job to protect me."
Castiel took a step towards her, but Haley took a step back. "Don't even think about it." she warned. "You ain't about to try and zap me anywhere."
"You need to come back with me." he told her, blunt. "Your brothers—"
"I've made up my mind, Cas." she stated, apologetic. "You're not gonna talk me out of this. And I can't come back with you."
"Talk you out of what? Haley, I don't understand." He sighed. "What are you going to do?"
There was a long paused, and she seemed to consider her response carefully. Slowly, she looked up to face him, and there were tears shining in her eyes. She looked afraid. "You've said all along that Lucifer can't win." she said, calm. "So, tell me, where does that leave my brother? Huh? You've said all along that Michael is going to kill Satan, so what happens to Sam when he does? I can't just sit around and watch that happen, Cas. I need to do something, before Sam does."
Castiel took a moment to let her words sink in, and he thought carefully about his answer. Deep down, he understood. He knew exactly what she was saying, and he knew what she was planning to do. But he couldn't accept that. He wouldn't allow it.
"I won't watch you get yourself killed, Haley." he told her simply. "That's what will happen if you go through with this. I promise you. Sam has made up his mind, he wants to do this."
"Yeah?" She nodded. "And, what about me? What about what I want?"
"You don't want this." he countered.
Haley opened her mouth, but she quickly closed it again, and she seemed to reconsider whatever comment she had been about to make. She sighed, and she threw up her hands in defeat. "I'm not gonna fight with you, Cas." she sighed. "But I'm not gonna change my mind. I don't want us to end on a fight. We've been through too much for that."
Castiel nodded, as if in a mixture of agreement and defeat, and he looked on at her, expectant.
"So, I'm sorry." she continued. "I really am." She stepped closer to him, and she offered the weakest smile. "And, you're probably never going to be able to forgive me for this, but, remember that."
Castiel frowned down at her. "Sorry for what?"
Haley shook her head, and he didn't miss the tears in her eyes. "Like I said, Cas, thanks for coming."
Castiel wasn't following. She was calm, too calm. He watched her pull out a knife from the back of her belt, and she pressed it to her palm, hard. The blood showed, and it escaped through her fingers, it ran down her wrist, harsh against her pale skin. And, suddenly, he understood. It all made sense, he understood why she had asked him to go there alone. It was all a part of her plan. His eyes were wide as he realized what she was doing. She turned from him and pulled back the curtain to reveal what was drawn on the window.
"Haley—"
But before he could get a word out she slammed her hand against the banishing sigil. In a bright white light, he was gone.
And Haley was alone.
Getting rid of Castiel had been the first step in her plan, and now there was no one left to hear her prayers who could stop her. It was an awful thing to do, she knew that, and the guilt knotted in her stomach. The look that she had seen in his blue eyes had been that of betrayal. The confusion had quickly contorted to fear as he had realized just what she was going to do to him, and, deep down, she knew that she hadn't sent him anywhere good. There was probably a chance that he wouldn't come out the other side alive, and that idea hurt her. But she couldn't afford to dwell on those thoughts.
Haley turned her attention towards the set of old drawers at the side of the room, and she pulled each of them open, impatient, in some hope of finding what she wanted. And there it was. Left tucked away in the corner of the bottom drawer; an iron. A crappy, used, dusty, motel iron. Hands shaking, she plugged it into the socket at the wall and she waited. There was no turning back from this now. She knew exactly what she had to do.
In those few minutes, it was as though her life flashed before her eyes. Her mind wandered back to a time when she and her brothers had been happy, when hunting hadn't consumed their lives and they hadn't seen evil everywhere they looked. It was back in a time when the three of them had been able to laugh freely, when they had worried about nothing more than making it to English class on time, and, even then, it had always been more Sam than her or Dean. It had been a time when the biggest thing they had to argue about was which take out they were going to have for dinner, and when the most evil thing in their motel room had been the monster on the old horror movie they watched together.
Back in those days they had all seen a brighter future. Sam had seen a way out of the life, he had studied and studied with the hope of making it to college, away from everything dark in the world. Dean and Haley had seen a life ahead of them in hunting. They had dreamed of driving down open roads in the sunshine with classic rock blaring through the speakers, they had seen their future in motel rooms and diner food and dive bars, their own monster hunting road trip.
But those days were long gone. And it hadn't worked out the way any of them had anticipated.
Maybe she had been naive in thinking that things could have been that way again after her return. Perhaps happiness for them was something that just couldn't be achieved. They had all seen too much, they had been through too much, and there was no taking any of that away. She understood that now. Her brothers had been right all along, she truly hadn't known the life she had walked back into so willingly.
Haley missed those days. She missed her brothers. And, in that moment, she missed her dad.
As she waited, her thoughts were suddenly so consumed by him, and the look on his face the last time they had seen each other. Despite everything, no matter how badly they had fought in the months before that night, there was no denying the love she had seen in his eyes in those final moments. There had been no hiding the fear or grief that had shone in the depths of his eyes in that second the knife had disappeared into her stomach, and she wished right there that she could have thanked him for everything he had done. John had never been a perfect father to them, and she wouldn't deny that, but his love for his children was something she would never argue, because she had known it had been there. No matter his choices, it had always been there, and she held onto the idea that he had always done what he had thought to be right by them. Whatever way she looked at it, she always came to the same conclusion. Their father was a man who had lost the woman he had loved, and he had been left with three young children and a world of unanswered questions. She couldn't blame him for anything, not there, not now. Suddenly, she understood him on a level she never had done before.
But, she couldn't help but think about what he would have said if he could have seen her there, sitting on that motel bed. Would he have been proud of her? Or would he have been ashamed? Would he support the choice she was about to make? Would he understand it? She couldn't be sure. Hadn't he once made a similar choice to save his own son? Maybe self-sacrifice was something that had always been a part of them.
It crossed her mind, something was so different. She was about to kill herself, there was no escaping her fate now. She was about to make a choice to end her life, and, somehow, it was all so much clearer than the last time. When she had made that choice before, at the young age of just twenty-five, all she had seen in the world was darkness. It had gotten to a point that she could no longer see a way out of it, and she had simply wanted it to end. This time, she saw a light, she saw an opportunity to give her brothers a life, and the choice that she was making wasn't for herself. Even through everything that had happened, a soft smile came to her face, because she knew that she was doing the right thing. And she wouldn't go back on her decision for anything.
The light on the front of the iron flickered, and she knew that it was time.
Her movements were slow, yet not undetermined, and somewhere in the back of her mind she knew she had to be quick, before her brothers caught up. She rose from where she sat on the bed, and she tucked the hem of her t-shirt beneath the bottom of her bra. Her gaze rose to the mirror ahead, and to the branding on her skin that had been left by Castiel that night. It was so clear, and it stood out against her pale skin. Her fingertips traced over the symbols there, and she glanced back towards the iron. It was time. There was only one way that the angels were going to find her, and she had to get rid of the one thing that stopped them.
Her hands were shaking as she picked up the iron again, but she barely noticed. Her jaw clenched as she brought it closer to her skin, and she took a deep breath. The heat burned against her skin before it even came into contact. The red hot metal was forced against her side with a strength she wasn't aware she possessed, and she heard the sound of her own flesh burning away. It was only a brief second before she dropped the iron back to the set of drawers with a thud, but it was a pain like no other. Tears brimmed in her eyes, and she fell forwards slightly towards the bed. Her hands gripped the sheets there to the point her knuckles turned white as she tried with everything she had not to cry out in pain. Her teeth sunk into her bottom lip as she tried in vein to will away the urge to cry, and she held her breath for longer than she thought possible. It burned, it stung, and, somehow, it was nothing like the pain she knew she had coming.
Slowly, unsure in her movements, Haley rose to stand up straight again. She couldn't even look in the mirror before she pulled her shirt back down to her jeans, hiding any evidence of injury. This was it, this was how they were going to find her.
Haley took a sharp breath, and she composed herself the best she could. The tears were scrubbed from her face, and any ounce of pain that reflected in her features was pushed away and covered. It was now or never.
"Alright, listen up," she called out, to who, she wasn't sure. It dawned on her, Castiel might have been gone, but anyone could have been listening. That idea didn't phase her. "Lucifer. This is Haley Winchester. I know you can find me." Her eyes scanned the room, but there was nothing, no one. "Listen to me, you want your apocalypse? I'll make it happen."
There was a familiar sound behind her, and she didn't have to turn to know what was there.
"Are you proposing what I think you're proposing?" A voice asked, and she knew that she had heard it before. It was him.
Haley turned, apprehensive. Lucifer stood before her, hands in his pockets, calm as ever. There was a smile on his face, not unkind. His skin was rotting away in chunks, it was open flesh on his skin, and she had to wonder if that was going to happen to her.
Haley subconsciously took a step back from him. However much she tried to play it down and mask her emotions, there was no denying the fear that showed itself clearly in her green eyes. There was no hiding the terror she felt knotted in her stomach, because it showed so visibly in her face. She was standing face to face with the very thing that was going to end her life, and it was a choice that she wasn't going to be able to pull herself back from. Not this time. Maybe it was her who had gone too far. But then she reminded herself why she was standing there, and it all became so clear again. Her mind wandered to Sam, and she knew exactly what she had to do. It was her or him, and that was something that she didn't have to think about. There was no other choice anymore, because her little brother was not an option.
Haley cleared her throat, as though uncomfortable. "I want to say yes." she stated, but her voice wavered. "But, once I do, you need to leave Sam the hell alone. Dean, too."
Lucifer regarded her for a long moment, and he seemed a little surprised. "This wouldn't be some kind of trick, would it?"
"Why would I be trying to trick you?" she pushed, and, this time, her words didn't falter. "Do I look like I'm kidding around?"
Lucifer smile a little, and he took a step towards her. He reached out, and she flinched away from his touch. He held up his hands, as if to show that he was no threat, and continued in what he was doing. He pulled up the hem of her shirt, and his hand hovered over the burning flesh at her side. It instantly cooled, and, when she looked down, there was nothing there. No mark, no scar, nothing.
Her brow furrowed, and she looked up to face him again. "Why did you do that?"
"I'm not as evil as you might like to think, Haley." he told her, and his tone remained calm, almost kind. "But, before we go any further, there's something you should know."
"Yeah?" She raised an eyebrow. "And what's that?"
Lucifer smiled. "I know about the rings." he stated, and he saw her face fall. "So, if this is a trick, now would be the time to make your move."
But she shook her head, nonchalant. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
Lucifer chuckled. "The Horsemen's rings? The magic keys to my cage? Ring a bell?" He shook his head. "Come on, Haley. I've never lied to you. The least you could do is pay me the same respect. It's okay, I'm not mad. A wrestling match inside your noggin..." he pondered. "I like the idea. Just you and me, one round, no tricks. You win, you jump into the hole. I win... well, then I win. So, what do you say, Haley? A fiddle of gold against your soul says I'm better than you."
Haley looked on at him, and she held her breath. This was it. Her once chance to back out, the only chance she was going to get to save her own life. But she found that those thoughts no longer interested her.
Slowly, confident, she nodded. "Yes." she said, barely audible. "I'm saying yes."
I know it's only been like four days since my last update, but I really want to get to the apocalypse! Hope I'm not updating too often for you guys, tell me if I need to slow it down;-))
I think it might be safe to say that Haley Winchester has gone a little crazy. Or, shall we say, reckless. OR SHALL WE SAY PROTECTIVE BIG SISTER WHO LOVES SAM WINCHESTER MORE THAN LIFE. Emotions are high about that in my house right now.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA IT'S ALL STARTING NEXT CHAPTER WHO IS EVEN OKAY ABOUT IT? Not me. There is nothing but pain coming for the next like fifty chapters, and I literally mean you will not smile once because all aspects of joking and laughing and happiness is escaping through the window and going on a long vacation from the lives of the Winchester siblings. Oops. Sorry not sorry.
As always, thank you so much for taking the time to read, I love you all. Next chapter should be up in a few days.
