I'm updating early because I love you.
Anywho, enjoy the chapter.
I still do not own Naruto. I'm working on it.
Asuma stood proudly behind us and whipped out some shuriken. Hidan reacted instantly and readied his scythe. He deflected the ninja tools gracefully and launched his scythe at Asuma. However, Izumo and Kotetsu appeared in that second, giving Asuma just enough time to grab me and pull me away from Hidan.
"Too slow." Shikamaru called from on top of the building as he caught Hidan in his jutsu.
"That's one down." Asuma said as he tightened his grip on me. Izumo and Kotetsu stabbed Hidan in unison.
I struggled. "Let me go you asshole! Hidan!" Asuma was unfazed by my struggles.
"That fucking hurt!" Hidan snapped. "What the hell is your problem?" His eyes narrowed at Asuma. "Let Alice go fucker. She'll start bitching if you don't and I don't want to hear it."
All four Konoha Shinobi looked utterly shocked.
"What's going on? We hit his vital organs!" Kotetsu exclaimed.
Hidan glared down at him. "Stop shaking, damn it!" He looked at Izumo. "It hurts like a bitch!"
"Is he immortal?" Izumo demanded.
"No shit Sherlock." Hidan scoffed.
"Asuma! Let me go!" I barked. "Leave him alone you idiots! You can't beat him! Get out of here or you'll die!"
Asuma looked down at me. "Calm down Alice, we're taking you back to Konoha once we're done with him and his partner."
"Oh fuck no!" I snapped.
Hidan sighed. "Who the hell are you people? Leave the crazy bitch alone." His eyes fell on Asuma's sash. "That sash belongs to those Ninja Guardians! Oh Jashin damn it. I'm gonna have to go back inside that shithole of an exchange point again…"
"Hidan! That seriously isn't the problem here! I don't want to be held captive! Move your lazy ass and get him off of me!" I ordered. "You fucking grandpa stripper!"
"You little bitch." Hidan snarled. "I just got impaled with fucking knives and your bitching because someone other than your shitty boyfriend is holding you? Fuck you!"
"I'll fucking gouge your eyes out with a spoon and shove them up your damn ass, Hidan! Get over your immortal ass and quit complaining!" I snapped.
He glared at me. "I'll rip your tits off and slit your jugular and watch you fucking bleed."
"You just wanna touch my tits again you pervert! You know what? I'm going to let Itachi kill you!" I snarled. "You little arrogant shit! I'll tear out your intestines and choke you with them. I'd rip your dick off and beat you with it but you severely lack one you little bitch!"
The Konoha Shinobi looked between Hidan and I with surprised expressions. Kotetsu pushed harder on his blade and Hidan started swearing. I just laughed at him.
Asuma frowned. "We're Shinobi from Konoha. We've been ordered to either capture or exterminate Akatsuki. We're also taking Alice back to the village with us."
"Like hell you are!" I barked. "Put me down damn it! I don't want to go back to Konoha. I want to go home!" He clamped his hand over my mouth to shut me up.
"As you Akatsuki work in teams of two, we were going to capture one of you after killing the other. But… you've got some serious powers." He withdrew his knuckle blade things. The chakra blades he always uses.
Hidan laughed. "Well you guys fucked up on the order."
"Where's your partner?" Asuma asked.
Up your ass.
As if he was cued, Kakuzu appeared above Shikamaru, fist prepared to snap forward in a deadly punch. The side of the building exploded as Kakuzu struck.
Dust clouded the scene and Shikamaru came darting out of the dust with Kakuzu right on his tail. He released his jutsu in his attempt to escape Kakuzu and Hidan grinned.
Kakuzu stopped on a dime as Asuma jumped between him and Shikamaru with me still in his grasp. "Kotetsu! Izumo! Fall back!"
Kotetsu and Izumo bounced away from Hidan and took up defensive spots around Shikamaru. Kakuzu gazed at me, his eyes narrowed.
"So the one holding Alice is…" He glanced at Hidan. "I see the lure of money's gotten to you for once, Hidan."
"Kakuzu, stay out of this." Hidan snapped, jerking his scythe back towards him now that he was free. "Get Alice. I'm going to use them for my ceremony. The money is all yours."
I bit Asuma's hand and he was forced to remove it from my mouth, grunting slightly. "If you don't want to die, let me go!" I started thrashing. "Kakuzu!"
"Works for me. Just don't underestimate them. You'll get yourself killed." Kakuzu grunted. His eyes drifted back to Asuma. "Hand over the girl, or I'll kill you."
"Like they could pull it off, Kakuzu." Hidan stated as he started drawing his symbol on the ground in his blood. "If they could kill me, I'd let them. But that's not happening, is it?" He grinned at me. "Just keep bitching Alice. They'll get sick of it soon."
"I'll take lead." Asuma stated. I tuned him out as I attempted to get free of his grip. It wasn't working. He was way too strong.
Damn ninja.
Asuma and Shikamaru planned together and I still got no closer to being free of his grip than Deidara got to being taller than Kathryn.
"Let go of me Asuma!" I snapped.
"Did you finish your little strategy meeting?" Hidan asked as he ripped the blades in his gut from his person. "Ouch. Getting cut up like that hurt." He pulled another one out of his body. "Jashin will smite assholes like you who don't understand the pain of others."
Asuma looked at Kotetsu and shifted me in his arm. "Take Alice."
"No!" I yelled. "Get off." I managed to bite him and he was forced to let me go. I hurried over to Kakuzu who wrapped his arm around my shoulders protectively. "Ah, miser."
He chuckled and patted my head with his free hand. "You're a nut, Alice."
I smirked and hugged him. "I don't like when people try to take me from my murderers."
"Stay with Kakuzu bitch." Hidan ordered. He prepared to charge forward and he and Asuma went at it.
Hidan pretty much danced as Shikamaru tried to land blows with his shadow-stitching and with Asuma trying to get him. Though he was lazy and one of the slowest Akatsuki members, Hidan moved gracefully in battle.
It was actually pretty cool to watch.
I stood beside Kakuzu who was watching both the fight and the three Konoha Shinobi sitting not too far away. He kept me close to him by resting his arm across the back of my shoulders. I just kind of leaned back into him.
The miser raised his eyebrow when Asuma did the same stance as Chiriku and knocked Hidan back. "Hidan, don't let your guard down."
"Just shut the fuck up and watch, Kakuzu." Hidan snapped.
"He's so difficult sometimes." I smiled. "Big idiot."
"Fuck you Alice." Hidan retorted. Kakuzu chuckled and I snickered.
Hidan danced a little more with Asuma, a smile on his face the entire time. He flipped gracefully over Asuma. "Damn you guys are desperate. You keep using attacks that have the highest probability of landing." He snickered when he landed. "I can see right through you!"
"And you screw around too much when you fight." Kakuzu and I said at the same time.
Izumo and Kotetsu launched shuriken at Hidan at the same time Asuma did. Shikamaru looked at him. "You can't escape this time!"
"Then I won't dodge." Hidan said simply with a grin as he ran towards the trio, taking those shuriken like the immortal he is. "I'll kill off the kiddies first!"
"You're fighting me!" Asuma shouted after him, charging after the scythe that was rushing to obey Hidan's will.
Hidan smirked when Asuma deflected the blade he threw back at him before he back flipped and sent his scythe to attack Asuma. I bit my lip when the middle blade sliced into Asuma's cheek, doing exactly what Hidan needed it to do.
Asuma ran towards him as Hidan collected his now bloodied scythe. He did hand signs in time with Hidan as he licked the blood covered tip of the blade. Hidan snickered as he did so.
Hidan was lost to me as Asuma blew a huge cloud of ash at him, engulfing him in the shroud of darkness. I sighed.
Here it comes.
The death of Asuma.
Asuma ended the flow of ash and ignited it. The dust cloud exploded and when it dissipated, I nodded at the scene I knew I would be seeing.
Asuma looked shocked by the fact that he was injured by his own jutsu.
"Hurts, doesn't it?" Hidan asked into his arm, shielding his eyes from the explosion. Asuma dropped his chakra blades as Hidan continued. "Jashin-sama has judged you."
"What's going on?" Izumo demanded.
"Do you get it now?" Hidan questioned. "Do you understand what it means to suffer?" Hidan stood after a second. "You're already under my curse. Now the ritual can begin." He laughed and lowered his arm. "Now… We'll suffer unfathomable pain together!" He shouted.
"This'll make another 35 million ryou for us." Kakuzu stated.
And there's Kakuzu. Sticking to his greediness like the miser he is.
How can you not love that?
Hidan howled with laughter as he grabbed one of his retractable spears. "I've already got everything set up! Get ready! This is gonna hurt like hell!" He extended his spear.
Asuma and Hidan had a stare down for a minute before Asuma charged him. Hidan frowned and stabbed himself in the leg. "Suck on this!"
Asuma face planted into the ground.
"Hurts good, doesn't it?" Hidan demanded as he started hooting with mad laughter like the mentally insane man I knew he was.
I grinned. "Hurt so good. Come on baby, make it hurt so good! Sometimes love don't feel like it should. You make it hurt so good!" I sang, dancing a little bit. Kakuzu looked down at me like I was insane. Shikamaru, Kotetsu, Izumo turned their heads in my direction with raised eyebrows and disturbed expressions.
"Oh shut up." I pouted, sticking my tongue out at them. Hidan even raised his eyebrow at me. Asuma was too busy having an ulcer.
Kakuzu shook his head at my antics. "Stick to movie quotes, kid." I just pouted further.
"Enjoy the pain, fucker! Getting stabbed feels amazing don't it?" Hidan roared, cackling. "And you, bitch," he pointed at me. "Shut the hell up with your crazy singing!"
"Dick." I grumbled. "Doesn't know a good song when he hears one…"
"But it's nothing like hitting an organ! Man that shit is the best! As the other dies, their agony radiates through my body! And living through it is pure ecstasy!" He yelled, clearly ignoring me.
"Jashin he is so noisy." I sighed, shaking my head.
Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "I know."
"He's noisy even when he sleeps." I smiled.
Hidan jerked the pike out of his leg, causing Asuma to bleed all the more. He whooped loudly. "Where do ya want it next?" He pointed the spear at his arm. "How 'bout here? Or here?" He moved to his other leg. "Getting it in both legs would be pretty sweet." He laughed. "Or…" he aimed at his heart, "…should I just end it now?"
I glanced at Shikamaru as he shot his shadow strangle technique at Hidan, trying to reach him before he killed Asuma. Hidan swung at his heart, grinning like a mad man. "Now you die!" He roared.
"I don't think so!" Shikamaru shouted.
I smirked.
"The tension just now was so unnecessary." I snickered. Shikamaru caught Hidan in time, much to the Jashinist's chagrin. "Nice job Shikamaru."
"SHUT THE HELL UP ALICE! DON'T CHEER FOR THEM!" Hidan shouted.
"Kakuzu and I both told you not to let your guard down." I told him. "Besides, you'll be fine. It's not a big deal."
Kotetsu looked at me. "You knew that would happen?"
"Of course I did. I know the outcome of this battle." I stated, looking at him. "Though, I'm not going to tell you what happens. That would be wrong of me. You should have left when I told you to though. You'll regret it. That's all I'm going to say."
"I heard from Kakashi that she could tell the future." Izumo stated.
I shrugged and looked back at Hidan. "Concentrate now."
"This is nothing!" Hidan barked. He growled and grunted as he fought against Shikamaru's hold on him.
"If it's going to take much longer, I'll kill them myself." Kakuzu sighed, letting me go to face the trio. "I'm not letting that money get away."
"I told you to back the fuck off Kakuzu!" Hidan yelled. "I can handle these pussies on my own!"
"Uh huh. Sure you can." I smiled. "You're doing a wonderful job of that."
"Fuck you, you crazy bitch!" Hidan snapped.
Kakuzu sighed. "I guess it's just a matter of time."
Everyone was relatively quiet except for when Shikamaru caught onto the secret of Hidan's jutsu. He began attempting to force Hidan out of the circle, enticing questions from Izumo and Kotetsu. I focused on Hidan, waiting for him to go off.
"You piece of shit…" He snarled at Shikamaru as he forced him out of the Jashinist symbol. I sighed and shook my head.
"Hidan, you talk too much." I told him. "That's how he caught on."
"Shut up you little bitch!" He shouted at me. He glared over his shoulder at Shikamaru. "After I get free I'm gonna slash, bash, and smash your ass!"
"Very creative Hidan." I snickered.
"There won't be an after for you!" Shikamaru called back.
Yeah there will be.
"He's out!" Shikamaru exclaimed once Hidan was out of the diagram.
Asuma nodded. "Right! Let's see if the curse is broken!" He launched a shuriken at Hidan and sliced his ear. Asuma remained unaffected.
Shikamaru changed his hand sign and Hidan was pierced by his shadow stitching technique, forcibly being held in place.
"What the…?" Hidan gawked. "Damn you! I'm trapped!"
"I've reached my limit." Shikamaru panted. "I don't think I can hold him much longer."
Asuma smiled. "Good work Shikamaru." He got to his feet and started limping towards Hidan with his chakra blade extended with chakra.
Hidan glared as Asuma drew closer. "Kakuzu! Help me!" He tensed as Kakuzu made no move to help him. "Hurry the fuck up!"
I looked away as Asuma beheaded Hidan. Kakuzu put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me closer to him. "I told you not to underestimate them." Kakuzu grunted.
Poor poor Hidan. That's what you get when you mess with Mr. Smoker and his Pineapple apprentice.
Fun Fact: Louis has been to jail for viciously fighting people who touched Brett without his permission.
Answer: So many of you share my favorite character with me. My top five are: Lupin, Sirius, Fred/George, Snape, and either Draco or Minerva McGonagall. You can't have one twin without the other and McGonagall is so badass.
QotC: So far, which chapter is your favorite? In this story or CYK.
You guys make things difficult for me when you don't review with your actual account. I would love to reply to you guys, but when you don't review with a signature, I can't do that easily. So, I'll have to reply right now.
To Deidara's Bitch: No. I can't walk in a straight line to save my life either. It's because I lack balance and coordination. I just imagine Hidan being the kind of guy who walks with a cocky swing in his step. Basically he can't walk in a straight line because he's an idiot.
To GEMfaerie: Yes. Brett and Louis. I'll probably be uploading it either today or tomorrow. However, there will be just a tiny spoiler for what's to come in the main story. The chapter will have nothing to do with this story as far as plot-wise. It's just a little bit of fun for those of you who miss Dynamic Duo.
To ZetsusNeko: Please do send me something on DA. I'll be sure to start writing something for you as soon as possible.
To xdreamernumbuhfour: How about a oneshot with both of your favorite characters and their Shenanigans. :) I'll be happy to write whatever you desire. And spank you very much for the fanart. I absolutely adore it.
To you, Brat, A.K.A Tobi's Only Girl: you have yet to tell me what you want :( and that makes me sad.
And you guys can thank XxXMiiDNiGhTXxX for the early update. I wasn't going to but she ordered me to in all caps so I felt compelled. :)
Well, I'm going swimming with my brother, cousin, and a few other friends.
See you Monday:) (for real this time)
