OMG! I'm so dying from school. I've been told that the first year would be by far the worse... Hope they are right! Meanwhile, I have no choice but to slow down with the updates until June, but I am not quitting! This fiction is my little oasis...

And since I am into apologies, sorry for the strong angst and shattered dreams. I at least hope I got this chapter (and the few following ones) right!

Chapter 53: Kakashi: Falling star (part 1)

I had hoped that day would never come, that I would somehow die in mission before it happened, but deep down, I knew I was only cheating myself. People around me died… and I always survived.

"Shouldn't we prepare then?"

I asked the question just to focus my mind on a task, to numb it even if only for a few minutes from the pain that was threatening to swallow my soul. Iruka smiled, his unique and radiant smile. His eyes had a spark to them; they looked so brilliant and alive.

"No need to," he replied, his voice soft and calm. "I know the place from my time as a kid. I helped Tsunade plan the mission and gave the details to the others, so I got to pick my access point. It's hidden, and the enemy is probably unaware it even exists. All will be fine."

"The others?" I asked, forcing the rational part of my brain to step to the front again. "You mean you know who they are?"

"Yes. I can't tell you their names, but they are all older shinobi. No one you are really close with, I think."

So Tenzō wasn't amongst them. I was relieved.

His hand rose to my cheek in a comforting gesture. I felt like a child in front of him, so vulnerable. I couldn't help but avoid his gaze.

"Kakashi…" he swallowed uneasily. "If I did this... it's that I want to spend my last hours with you. I want the night to be ours…"

I held his hand against my jaw. It was so warm... Just like it always was before he became ill.

I swallowed looking into his deep brown eyes unable to say the words that would seal our fate. I closed my eyes and nodded. He hugged me one last time before pulling me into the forest.

It was only a few minutes before we stopped in front of a small opening. It was closed with a chakra barrier, but it yielded easily as I passed through. The cave behind it was like a little home. Bedrolls were stacked in a corner near a large flat rock that he probably used as a table. In the middle, there was a small fire pit with a few logs and branches already piled in. But what sent a twinge in my heart was the small water source. I knew how much Iruka loved onsen and the fact that he had managed to find his own little private pond made me smile. I walked toward the source and dropped my hand in the water. It was warm and crystalline.

"For how long have you known that this place existed?" I asked looking at him fluffing the bedrolls.

"Nearly a decade," he replied. "It was after my parents died. I needed a place where I could be alone. Once I found it, I decided I wouldn't share."

There was a childish pride in his smile, akin to the expression Naruto made when I praised him. Being always so responsible and organised, I did not often get to see him that way.

Iruka came to me and took my wrists in his hands. His eyes fixed on mine in a tender gaze.

"Kakashi, I love you. I love you more than I can express. I am so sorry to force you to live through this. I know it's going to be hard for you, but I at least want you to know that I cherished each day we have spent together."

Was this his final love confession? I didn't want to listen to it, but I knew I had to. Hearing him say those words, I felt a pressure in my chest; it tore my insides… He kept on:

"My life may have been short, but it has been a very fulfilling one. My only regret is that I will leave you behind."

He looked away, eyes full of pain.

"I am sorry. I am so sorry Kakashi."

He buried his head in my shoulder, waiting for his emotions to settle, then he pulled my mask down and his lips closed on mine in a passionate kiss. I smelled the saltiness of his tears, but I also felt the love. He pulled me to his improvised bed and pushed me down on it, then sat on my thighs, his knees on each side of my hips. Slowly, he removed my hitai-ate, brushing the rebellious strands of hair away from my forehead and, with the tip of his finger, traced the vertical scar that ran over my left eye. I tried to look away, but he wouldn't let me.

"Your face, Kashi, I want to see it."

My throat knotted, all was happening so fast that I had a hard time realising what was happening.

"Iruka…"

He pressed his index to my lips to silence me.

"You are so gorgeous Kashi. Inside and out. Please let me take care of you. I have a few farewell gifts."

I tried to raise my shoulders, but Iruka pushed me back, a devilish glint in his eyes.

"Iruka!"

I pleaded again. I needed him to wait for me to catch up, but he wouldn't stop to let me breathe. Knowing the sensei, I could tell he was overwhelming me on purpose. He didn't want me to think. He knew the pain that was lurking right below the surface of my consciousness, and he was stealing us away from it for as long as he could. His hands dug firmly into my shoulders, keeping me on the improvised mattress, but also grounding my mind in the moment. His face was flushed, his breath soft. His chocolate eyes had narrowed in lust. I was stunned, almost intimidated by his strength.

He chuckled, then very deliberately ground his hips against mine.

I groaned.

When he did it again, my body couldn't help but respond to his. That's all Iruka had been waiting for. His lips plunged on mine, and his hands roamed over my body sending my senses into another reality. He pushed his knee between my thighs applying a maddening pressure, then unzipped my vest discarding it away carelessly.

"Kashi, if you only knew how much I wanted to take you this way. How I loathed being so ill. I loathed the clumsiness, the constant pain…"

I knew that well. Although we still made love, the last times it had mostly been me making love to him. Even if I knew he was fond of the attention he got, I could sense his uneasiness at the fact that he couldn't pleasure me the way he used to. Every time, I had told him I didn't mind, but it never quite eased the pain in his eyes.

I helped him get out of his own vest and pulled his shirt away revealing the taut bronze skin that shimmered imperceptibly from the effects of the chakra pill.

He has lost some muscle definition, but he was still stunning. He didn't have many scars, but each of them felt as if it belonged there. As I kissed him again, I felt his hand going down my body sliding both boxers and pants off my hips in one swift gesture. Then he took my shirt and pulled it over my head.

For a moment, he stopped, as if in shock. Then his shoulders slouched and he brought the back of his hand to his mouth as if to stifle a sob. I saw the pain filling his deep brown eyes. I didn't dare to say anything. Who knew what he was thinking about exactly. He had so many reasons to cry tonight...

His eyes closed, his shoulders shook slightly. With his other hand, he traced the planes of my chest. I rose my hand to the side of his face in what I hoped would be a comforting gesture. He took a deep breath, fighting off the emotions before he spoke again.

"I… see you. You're... so beautiful."

His hand ran down to my abs, his eyes following it. The moment felt intense and intimate. We both had so much on our minds, but none of us dared to speak, as if we could still live in the illusion that he would still be there tomorrow; that this wasn't our last night. The heaviness of the realisation was suffocating… too much for me to bear.

"Iruka, don't look at me as if you'd never seen me before, it's… embarrassing."

The cynical remark left my lips before I could stop it. I was scared it would pain him even more, but fortunately, the corners of his lips rose.

"I'm sorry. It must seem to come from nowhere to you…" He closed his eyes, his expression softening as he spoke. "In the last few weeks, I've been starting to go blind... I could see enough to stop wandering kunai during practice, but my sight has been deteriorating quickly. For me it's been a while since I haven't seen you this way," he said with a hungry smile on his lips.

"So that's why you've asked Hiroki to correct your student's works…"

"Yes."

"You didn't tell... You didn't want to hurt me?"

He nodded.

So that's what had been happening... the small insecure steps, the fumbling hand when he took something...

But he didn't want to dwell on that and took back control lacing his fingers between mine and pulling our hands over my head. He kissed me again, this time deeper, his tongue exploring every inch of my mouth. The feeling of his supple, warm body moving against mine made me dizzy; I was starting to feel my erection hardening against his thigh.

"Leave your hands there," he said as he let go of my fingers, kissing his way lower and lower, reaching down between my legs. He licked the vein under my cock and blew on the wet trail as he played with my balls. My breath got caught and I jerked upwards, craving the friction. It felt bad. I shouldn't have the right to enjoy this so much knowing he had not much longer to live. I couldn't let go. I had to take care of him, treasure him...

But he knew.

He knew that I would fight this, but he wouldn't let me. He looked at me one last time before he swallowed me to the hilt, making me gasp from the sudden warmth. He didn't let me the time to adjust before he started to swiftly move up and down, creating a maddening suction that made every inch of my body tense. My head fell back, and the tears ran down on my cheeks. I couldn't help it and got lost in the mix of pleasure and pain. Waves of bliss washed over my body as he used against me all the tricks he had learnt in our years of passionate lovemaking. Tonight was both different yet exactly the same. He caressed every scar, knowing each of their unique story. There was no one who knew me like him, no one I had opened up to as much as him.

As he let me go, he turned us, forcing me on top of him. He nuzzled my shoulder, talking in my scent. He was as hard as I, and I could see the plea in his eyes when he faced me, his lips connecting with mine. I felt him push a tube in my hand. I smiled. I knew he loved it when I prepared him.

I poured the gooey substance over my fingers and slowly stretched him. As soon as the first finger broke through, he let out a loud, almost painful moan.

"Kashi! Please, more!" He twisted and pushed, slowly letting go of all control. His eyes closed, his lips parted in that unique way that I found so incredibly arousing.

I loved him; I loved him so much. Nothing made me as happy as when I was able to make him feel such pleasure. I felt his body losing itself in the feeling, arching beautifully beneath mine. I felt it tense as I pushed deeper and brushed against his prostate...

But today was the last time I would do this for him. The last time I'd make him feel that way.

My tears fell on his chest, but he didn't feel them.

After a short while, his body started to push on my fingers. I knew he was ready.

Still, I swallowed his cock, teasing him, not wanting to let this moment go, but we were both at our limits. I pulled away, looked at him one last time, and I slid into him.

I didn't want to forget. My sharingan was wide open, recording it all. I would remember him forever, his silky dark hair, his long lashes, his strong shoulders and the wooden dolphin pendant that had been my nightmare for so long. I'll remember his strong thighs, his comforting arms... the feelings took hold of me.

I kissed and bit, burying myself deep inside of him again and again trying to escape the feeling of loss that threatened to overcome me. When I felt his breath hitch, I slid my hand between us, caressing him. His body twisted, then tensed.

He fell over the edge and took me with him in a blinding orgasm that nearly made me pass out.

I dropped on my elbows then let my head fall onto his chest.

"Iruka..."

I felt his hands slowly snaked their way into my hair, the tip of his fingers lightly scratching my scalp.

"I know, I love you too Kashi."