Matt Korklan stared at the wall as the first rays of the brilliant St. Louis sunshine made its way through the slits of the blinds. For a few hours he had gotten some sleep and even though it had been short in time, he had felt rested and peaceful. But the minute his eyes had fluttered opened, reality had once again set it. Next to him was the familiar presence of a warm body. It was soft and smooth, tiny and feminine. Instinctively Matt's stong, muscular arms had held the form close to him. She was still, her bare back facing him, long dark hair cascading well past her smooth shoulders. But lying next to Matt was someone he had known intimately over the years on a spiritual, mental, and emotional level but not on a physical one. This was new. Beside him in bed after hours of passionate lovemaking was not his fiancee Chloe Duncan but his best friend, Harper Reynolds.
He couldn't believe it had happened. Never in a million years did he ever think he and Harper would ever have sex. In fact, that was the unthinkable, an almost laughable thought. They had grown up together. They had played in the sandbox, learned to swim together. They had seen each other through relationships and elementary school, through college and beyond. They were confidantes and pals, anything but lovers. In the blink of an eye, an out of the blue confession from Harper had changed both their lives. Months of avoidance, embarrassment and confused feelings had followed. Their first face to face meeting would be emotional but neither could have predicted what it would have led to.
It actually hadn't been Matt's intention to go to her apartment at all. The thought of course had crossed his mind many times but he didn't know what to say. Then they had run into each other at Wal-Mart and it had felt more like two awkward strangers than life long friends. That wasn't the way it was supposed to be and he knew he couldn't leave it that way so on the way out of town, he had detoured for what he thought would be an hour or so to have a conversation, make amends and hopefully come to some sort of agreement. He had knocked on the door and the second she answered, Matt had been overtaken with a feeling he had never felt before. It was hard to explain except for that it felt like a magnetic force and it was leading him straight to Harper.
He wanted answers. He wanted a deeper explanation. He deserved one. Harper did the best she could but when it came down to it, it didn't matter why she loved him or for how long…it simply mattered that she did and that one dynamic had changed the friendship forever. Harper had questions of her own and Matt was forced to admit that not only were he and Chloe a couple again but that they were getting married. He knew Harper would never approve but the level of hurt and disappointment in her eyes was something he hadn't been prepared to deal with. And her reaction had forced him to confront and deal with his own feelings. Could he possibly see Harper Reynolds as anything other than a best friend or kid sister?
She was beautiful. He had always known that she was a pretty girl but it was something different. He loved the sparkle in her hazel eyes and the way she tugged at her bottom lip when she got nervous. Her hair was like silk and her laughter and smile were both contagious and heartwarming. She was just an all around good person and her presence in his life had made him a better man, a better human being. She was gorgeous and sexy and his attraction for her had surprised them both in an almost animalistic fashion. Matt had had a hard time processing where his head and heart were but the urge to kiss her, to capture those sweet lips with his own had been one impulse he had not been able to fight.
It was perhaps the greatest kiss of his, their lives. It was sweet and romantic but filled with sparks. He had tasted her tears and in just a few short hours calmed her fears. His hands and mouth had grazed across the tender flesh of her body. He had pleased her sexually, letting the soft moans emitting from her mouth guide him. The physical act of the sex had been great. The undeniable chemistry from their friendhship had transferred into bed. Each almost instinctively knew what the other liked and had made every effort to continue pleasing the other person. But more importantly was the connection of true intimacy between two soul mates. The entire time they had kissed. While he made love to her, Matt had held Harper closer than he had ever held any woman including Chloe. They'd held hands and stared into each other's eyes and when it was over, they had fallen asleep in each other's arms.
"What's wrong?" Harper yawned.
Matt frowned.
"What do you mean?"
"You're worried."
"How, how do you know?"
A faint smile crossed her lips.
"Because I know you," she sighed. "I don't have to see your face to know what you're thinking, what you're feeling. Pretty weird, right?"
"It's not weird at all," he said softly.
She rolled over to face him, her hair tusseled from sex and sleep. Harper pulled the thin sheet up to cover her chest as she lay on her side, head propped up by her elbow. Matt lay quietly on his back, the covers barely swathing the sexy indented portion of his lower hips, the part of his body past those perfectly sculpted abs.
"Good morning," she said.
"Morning."
"Do you want something to eat? I could make eggs or toast or something. Coffee?"
Matt shook his head.
"I have to get on the road. I've already missed my flight back to Florida. I need to book another one."
"Yeah…"
"But um…" he tried to find words as his hands gripped at the sheets. "I, I don't want to leave it like this, you know?"
He looked at her.
"Me either."
"How do you feel, Harp?"
She shrugged.
"One part of me feels fuflilled and deleriously happy. I guess I am naïve or foolish enough to think that this is what I've always dreamt of…this scene right here. And I want it always to be like this but I know…I'm not stupid, Matt. I know it won't always be like this."
"Last night was incredible, Harper. I won't, I can't deny that. But it is unexpected and right now I just feel…"
"Confused?"
"Well, yeah. Is that how you feel too?"
She shook her head.
"I'm not confused, Matt. For the first time ever I know who I am and what I want and how I feel but I do get why you feel that way."
He took a deep breath.
"Ever since that night you showed up in Tampa, I've been thinking about what you said. Trying to figure out if it could ever work or if I even wanted to give it a try. Trying to figure out if I felt the same way."
"Do you?" she treaded carefully.
"You are an amazing woman. You are beautiful and strong and smart and caring. You have always had my back even when no one else did. You're the best friend anyone could hope to have. And that's how I saw you, that's all I saw you as up until two months ago when you gave me something more to think about. I guess if I never felt anything for you, I would have just brushed the situation off. The fact that I couldn't get it, get you out of my mind tells me that you meant more to me than I could have possibly thought. And last night changed stuff for me, it changed everything. I looked at you and it's like I saw the real you. I saw you as a woman and not just a friend. I wanted you. I wanted to kiss you and hold you and I knew sitting on that couch while we were trying to figure out our friendship that I wanted to make love to you. We did and it was beautiful and I don't regret that."
"But?"
Matt closed his eyes.
"But I have a fiancee at home. Right now at this very minute Chloe is waiting in my, in our bed, for me to come home. And she's probably worried that I missed the plane and didn't even call her. She has probably blown up my phone by now and I know that and that's the reason why I turned the ringer off. That makes me feel like shit, Harp. I'm not that guy. I never have been. I have morals and principles and I always try to do the right thing. I have never cheated on a girl ever in my life…until now."
Harper could see the guilt in his eyes and it made her feel bad too. Chloe wasn't her favorite person but wrong was still wrong. And they were both wrong.
"I'm sorry…"
"No. Please. Don't apologize. Harp, this isn't your fault. This…this one is all on me."
"What happens now?"
He stroked the back of her hand absently.
"What do you want to happen?"
"I want the fairytale," she admitted.
Matt nodded.
"I know you do."
"But you don't."
"Harp, I don't know what I want. I really don't. I have these feelings for you, these new, exciting feelings that I really want to explore. I love you, you know that. I've always loved you and now for the first time I feel like I might be in love with you."
"Matt…"
"On the other hand, I do love Chloe. I can't deny that. I'm sorry. And even though she hurt me, the last thing I want to do is hurt her. But I know I have to make a choice. I know it's not fair to either one of you."
"No, it's not. I know this is hard for you, Matt. I get that. But it's hard for me too. I put my feelings and my heart out there. I gave that to you and last night I gave you my body. There is nothing else more I can say or do. What I feel for you is real and it's what I'm sure of. It's the only thing I am sure of. And as special and wonderful as last night was and what it means to me to hear you say that you have feelings for me, it's not enough."
"Harp…"
"You love Chloe. You asked her to be your wife. She means something to you. And that's okay. But I am not going to sit around pining for you or waiting on you to choose between the two of us. I want to be number one in my man's life. If this is something you have to think about, I respect that but until your heart is one hundred percent sure, then I don't think this is where you need to be. I am in love with you. That's more than enough. You might be in love with me. That just doesn't cut it."
Matt closed his eyes.
"What does this mean for us? The last thing I want to do is hurt you too. You're right, you do deserve better. And I don't want you to be mad at me."
Harper stroked the side of his cheek.
"I could never stay mad at you for long Matthew Korklan," she mouthed. "You're a good guy. You're still that good guy. I know that. I want to say my confession and especially what we did just a few hours ago doesn't change things between us but we both know that it does. But I know you're too important to me and the last 21 years of having you in my life is way too important to throw away over a night of sex or the fact that you can't take a chance and committ to me. I always want you in my life and I'll always care about you. You will always be my best friend. That's the one thing that will never change."
"Harper, I'm sorry."
She looked him in the eye.
"I'm not."
She leaned over and kissed his lips one last time. Matt placed his hand behind her head and savored the kiss, the feel of her lips until finally they pulled away. He had to go. Sighing, he got up and searched for his clothes, putting the articles on one at a time as he found them. Finally he was fully clothed as he stood and made sure he had his wallet and his keys, he came across his phone. Three missed calls from Chloe and a bunch of text messages.
"I have to go…"
"I know," she said quietly.
"I'll um, I'll call you. I promise."
"I know."
She climbed out of bed and put on a robe, quietly following him to the front door. Harper opened it and her heart pounded as Matt paused before leaving. He turned and gave her a long, lingering hug and then he was gone. Harper watched as he got in the rental car and started it then drove away. She stood there for a few minutes before finally returning inside to an empty apartment. Staring at the living room sofa and then at her bed with the covers still ruffled, it seemed like a lifetime ago instead of just hours and minutes that Matt had been there talking with her, making love to her. Climbing back in the now empty bed, she did so with a clear head but a heavy heart. She loved Matt. Spending the night in bed with him had only deepened that connection but she had to let him go. He did have feelings for her and she could see that but Harper wanted more. She needed more. She needed Matt to be in love with her, not in love with both her and Chloe. What she wanted, he was not prepared to give so even though it hurt, she had to do the right thing, the only thing and let him go. If they were truly meant to be, somehow, someway they would find their way back to each other. And when it did happen, if it happened at all there would be no confusion, just happiness and certainty.
