Sam rushed passed Dean in the stairwell of their apartment building on his way out.

"Hey, Sam," Dean said, "Where you off to?"

Sam was late as it was. He couldn't stop to chat. He threw a quick "Luci's" over his shoulder as he ran out of the apartment.

Sam got to the sidewalk and started jogging towards Luci's house. He'd gotten the text that Luci needed him five minutes prior, and as per usual, Luci said jump and Sam asked how high.

He knew Luci would be upset if he got there late, so he ran even though it sent shock waves of pain radiating through his back. Sam had made the mistake of standing up to Luci about how aggressive he was all the time. Luci had gotten angry, telling Sam that if he loved him, he'd be able to accept him as is and not try to change him. Sam disagreed. That was when the kicking started.

Sam wasn't sure how long he'd be able to physically deal with all of this. Eventually, something had to give. He'd break a bone, and Sam would cover it up with lies and half-truths, explaining away an unspeakable situation. It was a situation he'd created for himself, though. He'd done this to himself. He'd wanted to get back together with Luci have he lost him the first time. It had been his choice. He knew back then that things weren't perfect between them. Sure, he had no idea how bad it would get, but he'd wanted Luci. He'd wanted to please him and protect him and keep him as happy and feeling loved as possible. And it all led to Sam wincing with each running step, running towards Luci's apartment filled with cold, sick dread.

Sam was actually shocked that he had the energy to run. These days, just waking up took effort. He didn't know what awaited him at Luci's, but he knew he wasn't going to like it. He hoped against hope that Luci needing him didn't mean that he wanted to have sex. He didn't think he'd be able to take the abuse so soon after the last time.

How had this become his life? He supposed the signs had been there since the beginning. Luci had always been rough and fast, never caring how he came across or who he hurt. Sam should've known. And yet, he did nothing.

Sam stopped outside of Luci's apartment building, taking a deep breath and steeling himself against whatever Luci wanted. No matter what it was, it was going to hurt. Everything with Luci hurt. But there was no way out. Luci would never let him leave, Sam knew that. So, Sam kept up the charade. He remembered the way he needed to hold his face so that Luci wouldn't see how much hurt he caused him. He knew the things he'd need to say, the motions he needed to go through to keep Luci from learning the truth that Sam didn't love him anymore. No one needed to know.

Sam knocked on Luci's apartment door and braced for the worst.

Luci opened the door, his eyes lighting up with happiness. "Sam!" he said, "Come in. I need your help."

"What's going on?" Sam asked.

Luci said, "I'm trying to figure out what to do for our anniversary."

"You mean our anniversary that just passed over the summer, because you're a little late," Sam said.

Luci frowned and said, "No, I mean our next one."

"Oh, next year. Okay, what do you want help with? And why are you planning this now?" Sam asked.

"Why not?" Luci asked, "You gonna break up with me anytime soon?"

Sam's heart stopped for a moment. What if he said yes? "What? No, of course not," he said quickly.

Luci grinned. "Good," he said, leading Sam into the living room, "I want to plan something big for next year. Remember when we saw all the Christmas lights out in the suburbs? I want to do something like that, something romantic. Just, y'know, when it's warmer out."

Sam looked at Luci as his boyfriend sank into the couch. Of course Sam remembered going to see the lights. It was one of the few happy memories that kept him going when Luci was at his worst.

"Well, that was something I was using as an idea anyway," Luci said.

"Something like seeing the lights? We could go to the beach," Sam said, "Walk on the shore maybe?"

"Yeah, we haven't been to the beach in a long time," Luci said, "That would be fun."

Sam smiled a little. For a moment, Luci had a look in his eye like he used to when he and Sam first got together, like Sam was precious and meant the world to him. It was a flicker of what used to be. But it was only a flicker. The look faded away quietly.

"Anyways, I was trying to think of something sappy to do with you, so I got you to come over," Luci said.

Why did he always have to do that? Anytime that they got even close to what they used to have, Luci would back away, put his walls up, insult Sam if necessary. And if Sam called him out on it, it would only end badly.

Sam sighed.

"What?" Luci asked.

Sam shrugged. "I'm sure whatever you come up with will be fine," he said.

Luci said, "I'm always the one that comes up with our plans and date ideas. You should figure it out this time."

"I can if you want me to," Sam said. It would be a cold day in hell before Luci would give up control like that.

Luci shook his head. "No, don't bother. We have very different tastes. I'm sure I'll hate whatever you come up with."

Sam trained his gaze on the ground and tried not to show how much that stung. There was a time when Luci would never have said something like that. Or maybe it was a time that Luci would've said that but Sam wouldn't have noticed. It was hard to tell where their relationship had turned sour and where it had already been decaying.

"Well, we have months to figure it out," Sam said, "I'm sure one of us will come up with a good idea before next summer considering Halloween hasn't even passed yet."

"You think I'm crazy for starting to plan this out now, don't you?" Luci said.

Sam shook his head. "There's nothing wrong with advanced planning. I just wouldn't stress out about it when we have so much time," he said. Or Sam could get hit by a bus on the way home and not have to deal with thinking about being in a relationship with Luci for another whole year.

"You know what? Maybe you should just go home," Luci said.

"What, why? Luci, I just got here," Sam said.

Luci said, "Well, maybe you should've thought about that before judging me."

"Luci, really?" Sam tried.

Luci gestured to the door and said, "Really."

Sam got up and headed for the door. It wasn't as if he'd wanted to go over there anyways.

"Call me when you've stopped being an ass," Luci said as Sam approached the stairwell.

Sam rolled his eyes and said, "Text me when you finally realize that you're overreacting."

As soon as the words were out, Sam regretted them. Luci got a dangerous look in his eye, and Sam wanted to be anywhere but there.

"What did you just say to me?" Luci asked, words dripping with venom.

"Luci, I-" Sam started. He never got to finish.

Luci shoved Sam's chest hard, knocking him off balance and down the stairs. The world bounced and swirled around him until he reached the landing in a painful heap.

"Shit, Sam. Are you okay?" Luci asked.

Sam groaned. All of his bruises stung from the trip down the stairs. Trying to stand, he realized that his ankle protested most of all. He shifted his weight to one leg and said, "Yeah, I'm fine. My ankle's a different story."

Luci smirked. "Serves you right for being a judgmental dick," he said.

Sam avoided eye contact until Luci retreated to his apartment. He hobbled out to the street and limped back home.

How had this become Sam's life? Waking up took effort, dying would be relief. He just wanted it to be over.