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Disclaimer: InuYasha is the exclusive property of Rumiko Takahashi and Kagome Higurashi
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Well, holy shit.

It's hard to believe that this is chapter fifty! It seems like just yesterday InuYasha and Kagome beat the shit out of Naraku!

Since November, The Search has racked up

183882 words

400 reviews

31,994 hits

63 fav's

and 80 alerts.

To that I gotta say…

Well, holy shit.

LOL

Seriously though, I have really loved bringing the Search to you. When I completed "Loss" last fall, I was looking for something completely different that I could do anything I wanted with, and I think The Search has been that. Yeah, its been a lot of ultra-uber-gooshy InuKag romance, but I've tried to introduce some interesting new characters and plotlines as well. Atotori made a bit of an impression, such an interesting and dastardly bastard…so nasty and yucky ….I hated writing him so much that I had to kill him off. I will be delving into other characters more soon, Fluffy has major treatment coming up soon.

Your recent show of support has meant a lot to me, many of you have been reading and reviewing for me since way back when I first started "Loss", to a wannabe a Real writer like me, that kind of support and encouragement means the world. In celebration of fifty chapters and my 400th review at FF net, if one of you would hurry up and give the sucker that is, LOL I have made some special wallpapers for fans of The Search. I will personalize the favorite for the 401th reviewer too! They can be found at photbucket, just look up msfluffyfan, then look for the album "the search wallpapers" Don't expect too much, keep in mind that I am not really an artist, I'm better at the written word imagery than the visual. Lol

Take care!

Puppy Love,

CJ


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-The Search-

-Chapter Fifty-

-Taunting Barfing Touching Moving-


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InuYasha stomped back into the hut, the laughter of the three stooges of the Sengoku Jidai following him could still faintly be heard after the bamboo mat closed back in place. Kagome turned to look at him, his face was red, embarrassed, tortured, angry.

'Those assholes' Kagome glared at the door mat, rolling her eyes. She walked up to InuYasha and put her hand on his back, resting her cheek on his shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine" He grunted, turning away from her, casting a damning glance at the door where the laughter could still be heard. He growled a little.

'Damn them, what did they do now.' she wondered as she approached cautiously, reaching for his arm. She rubbed his shoulder

"InuYas…" He pulled away again to stomp to the window and yell a warning at them to get the hell off his property. They only laughed louder. InuYasha walked to the door, shoved the mat out of the way and Kagome gasped as she saw him drag Tessiaga from the scabbard.

"You bastards got to the count of three before I kaze no kizu your fucking asses."

"Oh come on InuBarfa…" Koga chortled

Kagome shook her head, going to the door.

"Knock it off you guys" she yelled out "It's not funny anymore."

InuYasha whirled around, fixing her with a glare.

"Oi, it was funny before eh bitch?"

Kagome gasped "That's not what I meant"

He sheathed Tessiaga then stomped past her and into the hut.

"Kagome…" Miroku, Koga and Sesshomaru approached her

"Thanks a lot." Kagome fixed them with a glare, crossing her arms over her chest and fell back against the side of the hut, sliding down to sit on the little bench that InuYasha had made for them to watch the sunset.

"Great bunch of friends you are. I expect Miroku and Koga to be insensitive asses, but not you." she glared at Sesshomaru

Sesshomaru didn't comment, only turned and walked towards the village.

"Kagome…"Koga began kneeling down to take her hands.

Kagome jumped up and glared down at him.

"Don't ever fucking touch me again wolf." Koga jumped back at the vehemence in her words.

She fixed her glare on Miroku "Have either of you thought about how hard this has been on him? How scared he is every day that this might be the day that something goes wrong and we lose our pups like we did last time? Do you have any idea what that is like to lose your own pup, to watch your mate lose her mind over it, and then live with the fear of having it happen all over again multiplied by three?" She looked back and forth between them, her eyes like a raging fire.

"Have you ever stopped for a minute to think that maybe THAT is why he can't stop throwing up?"

"Kagome…" Koga approached again

Kagome pushed him and stuck her finger in his face.

"No, go home to Ayame where you belong, and if I hear you make one more comment to InuYasha about this, I will purify your ass. You got that?"

Miroku made the mistake of laughing softly behind her back at the look on Koga's face.

She whirled on Miroku "I may not be able to purify you, but I can guarantee you only have ONE child in the most painful ways imaginable."

Miroku being an accomplished hentai had a very vivid imagination.

He threw his hands up in the air in a warding gesture.

"N…n…now K…K…Kagome…." He suddenly thought better of being unprotected and lowered his hands to his groin area.

"T…t…there's n…nn…nno need ttttttttto bbbbbbb…e bbbbbe rash!"

He backed off until he tripped over a chunk of wood, landing hard on the ground.

Kagome caught herself having to smother a giggle.

"Damn woman. Suddenly I'm kind of glad you're the mutts mate instead of mine."

Kagome fixed him with a raised eyebrow

"I just mean that your scary. Kind of."

"Koga" Kagome rubbed her temples, a killer headache coming on. "go home while you still can."

They said their goodbyes and with a small smile Kagome went inside. Her head throbbed, and talking about the pup they had lost had ripped scabs off of old wounds, leaving residue of oozing pain. InuYasha had his back to her, staring out a back window. Desperately needing his comfort, Kagome went to him and put her arms around his middle resting her head between his shoulder blades.

He didn't say a word but picked up her wrists and dropped them at her sides, pushing her away from him.

"InuYasha…"

"I don't want to be touched right now."

He refused to look at her, his eyes were dark and full of bitter anger as he briefly glanced at her before turning back to the window.

"Inuy…"

"You feel better now that you dumped all my private shit out for everyone else to hear?"

"What?"

"Miroku and Koga. You told them things, private things, MY private things that I trusted you with."

Kagome put her hand to her mouth with a gasp, suddenly realizing what she had done.

"Kami…oh kami, InuYasha…I…I'm sorry. I was angry, I was so mad that they wouldn't get off your back about the…"

"Yeah, nice of you to step in and defend the weak worthless half-breed."

"How dare you! I have never said anything like that, I've never even hinted it."

"You don't have to. I failed to protect our pup and it died."

Kagome stepped forward "InuYasha….there was nothing you could do. You and I both know it.

"Right." he whispered

"InuYasha, what's really…" Kagome stopped when a new sensation came to her, a sudden flickering, like butterfly wings, like a lot of butterfly wings from her womb.

Their pups were making their presence known.

Tears came to Kagome's eyes as she felt it again, she moved her hand down, then realized that her stomach was no longer flat. Though slight, there was a small curve where her pregnancy was beginning to show. Against her fingers she felt the gentle brush of three active baby hanyou InuYokai.

She smiled, stepping forward to tell their papa, she took his hand.

"InuYasha…"

The hand was rudely jerked from her grasp.

"Damn it! What part of I don't want to be touched did you miss?"

He stalked back to the room they slept in.

Kagome felt a horrible mixture of joy and pain as her pups still bounced against her fingers and her heart broke within her chest. Was what she had done really so bad that their pups should pay?

'No, no…he just didn't understand'

Kagome walked back to the bedroom where he sat on the end of the futon, glaring out the window.

She stood next to the end, her hand gently on his shoulder.

"Please InuYasha, I'm trying to tell you…"

He jerked away like her fingers were fingers of blazing fire, searing into his flesh, he moved to the top of the futon, something dangerous and wild burning in his eyes.

"Your damn lucky I don't hit women bitch, or I'd knock you on your ass."

"But InuYasha…" She started towards him

"NO! Leave me the FUCK alone, can I have some fucking time to my self for fucking once?"

Tears poured down Kagome's face "But I was…"

"Whatever you're trying to babble at me about bitch, I don't fucking care! Got it? Go the fuck away! Would you do that? Would you just go the fuck away?"

Kagome nodded and turned away, then she turned back.

"Can I just…"

InuYasha closed his eyes and grit his teeth.

"Damn it bitch…If you don't leave I will and if I leave, I won't be fucking coming back!"

When he opened his eyes again, she was gone.


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Kagome walked aimlessly through the forest until she came to the riverbed. The recent storms had left the water level cresting high, with winter still weeks away there was some concern about flash flooding in villages further south, fortunately, it wasn't much of a concern for them.

She sat on the riverbank, allowing the breeze to dry her tears as it came off water, it was a task as futile as attempting to soak up the Pacific Ocean with a sponge. The feel of the pups moving around had stayed with her all afternoon, that was the only bright spot in her day, and even that was dimmed by the reminder that she hadn't been allowed to share it with the one person who should have been as happy as she was.

Kagome didn't blame him for being angry, she knew only too well how InuYasha felt about his privacy. She also knew how he felt about having his weaknesses exposed, and it WAS dangerous for him. Anyone wanting to hurt him with the right information, could do just that, and she had risked herself and their pups.

Sometimes she just didn't think before she ran her mouth.

'But then' she thought bitterly as she remembered his threat to leave her and not come back 'so does he. The difference is, he follows through with his threats.'

"Miko, why are you out here alone without protection?"

Kagome looked up to see Sesshomaru gliding down to her. She shot him a glare, remembering full well where this had all begun.

"None of your fucking business LORD Sesshomaru."

Kagome spewed venom from her eyes and mouth. She only used Sesshomaru's proper title and name when he had irked her.

"Do you eat with that mouth young Miko?" He looked at her with a teasing glint, hiding his surprise with her language. The girl rarely if ever cursed. But then, she had been with InuYaBaka for a few years, that would be cause enough to begin cursing he imagined.

"Go away." she turned her back on him

"This Sesshomaru would be remiss in his duty as your Alpha to leave you and your unborn unprotected young Miko." He stood next to where she sat.

Kagome jumped to her feet, a sudden swelling of anger came over her, as she lifted her chin and jabbed her finger into his shoulder, complete with fingernail.

"You have NO responsibility to THIS KAGOME, I can take care of my SELF and my Pups just fine by myself thank YOU!AND By the way, YES I FUCKING eat with this mouth. I FUCKING eat with this mouth a lot. I FUCKING eat with this mouth all the time in fact and I will FUCKING eat with this mouth until I FUCKING, FUCKING DIE. GOT A FUCKING PROBLEM WITH FUCKING THAT?"

She jabbed at him repeatedly to emphasize her words and Sesshomaru backed up slowly, surprise and shock registering in his eyes, hiding the tiny bit of actual fear that brushed his gut over the little hell cat that had possessed the normally sweet and gentle miko, Kagome.

"No." he blinked rapidly. He hadn't even heard InuYasha curse so the night they had gotten drunk.

"GOOD. AND Further MORE, why do you NOT Just say I like everyone one else? Do you have any clue how stupid you fucking sound running around spewing out "This Sesshomaru, This Sesshomaru" all the time? What is there a couple more of you running around waiting to pop out somewhere? KAMI fucking help us if there is cause if they pull the bullshit that you and the other stooges pulled today I'm going to PURIFY all of your FUCKING asses. GOT THAT THIS LORD SES-SHO-MA-RU?"

"Have you finished Miko?" Sesshomaru struggled not to laugh.

"NO, my name is Kagome, not Miko." Kagome turned away to pout.

"Of course, young Miko"

"ARghhhh!" Kagome whirled around, fist at the ready and punched Sesshomaru hard in the arm, which of course was a whiff of air to him.

"Y..Y…You can not hit this Sesshomaru!"

"I think I just fucking did! Watch, I'll do it again." And she did.

"Why you wild little hell hound!"

Kagome's mouth flew open "How dare you!"

Her aim was off, and Sesshomaru's attempt to jump out of the way was ill timed. She connected directly over his left hand side stripes.

Her hands flew to her mouth with a gasp, mortified by what she did.

Sesshomaru, more dazed by the fact that she had actually hit him at all than the actual hit, stood blinking incredulously with his hand over his cheek.

"Oh…oh kami…kami, I'm…sorry" She began to cry hysterically "I'm so sorry" she turned and ran.

Confused, Sesshomaru followed, easily catching her.

"Kagome" He gently held onto her arm "What's wrong."

"I hit you. Are you hurt? I'm sorry."

"Kagome, I am full InuYokai, you are a small human female. Unless you use your miko powers to "purify my fucking ass" you can not hurt me."

Kagome tried to laugh

She cried instead.


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InuYasha stared out the bedroom window, anger had held him captive all afternoon, seized him and held, refusing to let go.

He raged at himself for losing his temper at Kagome, for being cruel to her. Hurting her was like hurting himself. When he had calmed down and gone to check on her, she had been gone. He figured she had gone to Sango's or to see Sesshomaru. He could smell her, still nearby and perfectly safe. Wherever she went there was a well deserved ass chewing waiting for him. He wasn't ready for that yet. Not that calmed down.

'Damn it Kagome'

Why didn't she listen to him, she knew he always said things he didn't mean when he was angry. That was why they had agreed to go to separate rooms if he felt like he was losing it. Why the hell did she continue to push? He'd called her a bitch! She knew that was a sign, she never pushed him anymore, why the fuck now?

Not that any of it was her fault. Ultimately it had been his mouth that had been running, not thinking.

"SHIT! What if something had been wrong with the pups and she was trying to tell me?"

He dismissed that thought, she would have sat him to what she called 'the earths core' if it had been something like that.

Kami, was it possible to feel like more of a piece of shit than he did at the moment? All this because those damn baka's had caught him out back barfing.

'What you embarrassed about asshole? That you love your mate so much that you pick up on her feelings and copy her symptoms?'

"Keh, those Bastards SHOULD be the ones embarrassed that they apparently DON'T love their mates that much. Sesshomaru aint even GOT a mate."

"Look at the poor pathetic barfing hanyou" he'd taunted

"What's more pathetic Fluffy, barfing because you love your mate, or not having one at all?"

"Why you barfing InuBarfa? I don't see any yokai around" fucking Koga

"Wonder how it feels to know that the only reason you had a another chance with your mate is because her mate died. Koga fucked up and lost Ayame to Kin, Kin was a hell of a great yokai and friend, if not for Keikoku, Koga would have lost her."

"Wow, look at him…he really loves Kagome this morning."

"At least he gets it. But then, he always has understood me better than anyone other than Kagome."

If a little throwing up and smartass comments was the trade off for having Kagome and their pups, he would tough it out and take it.

"Kagome makes everything worth it."

He sighed, realizing just how much making up he had to do as another wave of guilt washed over him.

He realized then just how late it was getting. The sunset they usually watched together from the front of their hut was just about to begin and the only one who mattered wasn't there to watch it with him.

As he reached to pull the mat out of the way it was torn aside, before he had a chance to react, the fist lashed out and he spun around and landed on his face on the floor.

"Damn, nice to see you too Fluffy."

He was picked up off the floor and spun around.

"This Sesshomaru has not come to play fucking bastard."

InuYasha's eyes opened wide, huge, enormous. He had never heard Sesshomaru sound so pissed, nor curse in such a way.

He had little time for reflection, he was grabbed by the throat.

"What the fuck….is wrong with you bastard? What the hell do you think you are doing?"

"This Sesshomaru is doing what is his right by law as alpha when common filth mistreats a member of his house. Are you aware that it is within my right to destroy the disgraceful piece of shit?"

"What the…"

"Where is the Omega of Inu no Tashio, your mate, InuYasha?"

InuYasha stopped struggling and looked at Sesshomaru, his eyes wide and fearful, not for himself but for Kagome.

"K…Kagome…what do you know?" he whispered. The look on his face was frightening, as if he had just died himself. With a disgusted sigh Sesshomaru let him go, shoving him back.

"She is mated with the biggest bastard to ever live, this I know."

"Sesshomaru, please…you can debase me all you want later, just tell me where Kagome is."

"Kagome fell asleep while she was crying, after telling this Sesshomaru the most heinous and heartless thing to have ever come to my ears."

"I know I was wrong okay? She kept…pushing me, and she wouldn't back off. She…"

"And you blame her for your asinine actions?"

"NO!"

"do you know why this was? Did you give her a chance to tell you?"

"No, she…"

"Shut up InuYasha and listen. This a lesson you will do well to learn, for if you do not, it will eventually cost you more than you are willing to lose."

InuYasha swallowed hard, behind the frustration and anger in Sesshomaru's eyes there was something else. The pain of one who lost someone for the exact thing he was warning another about. But who had Sesshomaru lost? There hadn't been anyone he had cared about. The only woman he had even seen Sesshomaru with had been…

Kagura.

Had Sesshomaru loved her? InuYasha remembered Sesshomaru's rage when he had broken Tokijin after Kagura had been slurred by Naraku's infant incarnation.

He had loved her. That was why he was able to understand Kagome's pain.

"Are you willing to lose your mate and pups InuYasha? Ask yourself this and be sure of your answer. Kagome is a strong woman, but even strong woman eventually break. Was not the other miko once strong as well? Would you wish the same end for your mate?"

"Kami…no, of course not."

"This Sesshomaru would suggest then, the next time Kagome tries to tell you something, you listen."

Sesshomaru left the hut, bent down by where Kagome lay sleeping on the tiny bench where he had lay her. He picked up his Hoari and brushed the hair from Kagome's forehead and placed a soft kiss.

"Sweet dreams Omega. We shall battle again."

He straightened and glared at InuYasha.

"Kagome felt your pups move."

Sesshomaru turned away from him.

"That is what she was trying to tell you."

He walked off into the dusk.


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InuYasha felt like the world had dropped out from under him.

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA!

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA!

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! BAKA!

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

'InuYasha you stupid heartless fucking Bastard, how could you?'

Condemnation ripped his soul, leaving him feeling as if Koga had gotten a good three dozen hacks in with the Gorashi

Kami how could one hanyou hold so much bastard?

He sighed and looked down at her, vowing to find a way to make himself worthy of her. Fuck she should have mated with Sesshomaru. He at least had respect and honor for her.

InuYasha picked Kagome up and carried her inside to their bedroom and prepared her for bed, he pulled the blankets up to her chin then kissed her softly.


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Kagome opened her eyes in the still dark bedroom, realizing that she was home. She was also alone.

She found InuYasha standing staring out the window at the quarter moon. He didn't turn, though his ear twitched in recognition of the sound of her feet on the floor. She didn't speak, though she had questions about the tattered remains of the mat over the door, in actuality she had a pretty good guess what had happened to it.

'Lord alpha fluffy strikes again'

She thought, rolling her eyes, grateful for the fact that InuYasha seemed to still be standing and breathing. He hadn't reacted well when she told him what had happened. In fact, there was a nice clearing down by the river and a good start on the winter firewood to prove it.

"If you weren't carrying my pups I would let you go. "

InuYasha didn't turn around, he was ashamed, unworthy. He had no right to even want to look at her.

His voice was gentle, filled with pain and self-hatred.

"I still should. I don't have to live with you to protect you."

"Do I have a say in this?"

"Sesshomaru adores you, he would be much better for you than I am."

"Sesshomaru wouldn't take me as a mate if you paid him."

"Your wrong."

"No I'm not, he told me so when I offered to leave you for him this afternoon."

"And he said no?" InuYasha glanced at her, he had to, it was the only way to find out if she was serious, he turned quickly back to the window after verifying that she was.

"Yeah. His exact words were 'young miko, I would not mate you if you held the last chocolate in all the lands."

"Ouch."

"He only said that because I punched him in the stripes, he wants me."

InuYasha jerked around "You did what?!

"Punched him in the stripes."

InuYasha's eyebrows disappeared under his bangs as he walked towards her.

"You know your probably the only being to ever do that and walk away alive?" he stopped about a foot away from her, afraid to touch her.

"I didn't do it on purpose" she made a face, starting to reach her hand out, but pulled it back, deciding it was perhaps best to let him make the first move.

"How do you make a fist and 'accidentally' punch someone in the stripes?" InuYasha crossed his arms over his bare chest. He wanted to touch her so badly, but he had no right. She had tried and was apparently repulsed by the idea if the way she jerked her hand back was any indication.

"I was aiming for his shoulder and he moved at the last minute."

She shrugged.

InuYasha grinned a little. "Why were you hitting Sesshomaru?"

Kagome blushed a little "He called me a name."

"He calls you names all the time and you don't hit him."

Kagome scrunched up her nose in extreme distaste.

"This was a really BAD name."

"How bad?"

"Bad" Her cheeks turned red.

"What? Temee?"

"No"

"Yariman, wareme?"

She shook her head "No, nothing that nasty." her face was red, so red it looked ready to go up in flames any minute.

"Then what?"

"He called me a …a…wild little hell hound"

InuYasha bit down on his lips to keep from laughing.

"Don't you dare laugh" She pointed her finger at him

"Wouldn't dream of it." he slapped his hand over his mouth as insurance.

Kagome narrowed her eyes, jabbing him with her finger.

"It's not funny Baka!"

"Nebber sssaid eet wwaass" he bit down harder, speaking from a corner of his mouth.

"Then what are you laughing at dog boy." She yanked his arm down from his mouth.

"I'm not laughing because it's funny." He was in trouble, he knew it, but…

"Then why?"

"Well, its just so…so….uh…"

"What?"

"Accurate."

Kagome's mouth flew open and she made a fist and punched him in the arm like she had Sesshomaru

"Observant?"

She punched him again.

"Astute."

"Osuwari"

SLAM

Kagome stood over InuYasha , grinning as the subjugation spell wore off. He got onto his knees and kissed her abdomen.

He put his arms around her and lay his cheek against where their pups rested.

"I don't deserve you. Any of you. I'm so sorry Kagome. Kami, I'm so sorry."

Kagome rubbed his head behind his ears, then the ears themselves.

"I won't say it's okay InuYasha. Not anymore, because it's not okay. You hurt me today."

He nodded. "I just need to know if you believe I am sorry."

"Of course I do, and I accept your apology. But I'm not the only one who was hurt today you know."

"You mean the pups?" He looked at her, his eyes shiny with unshed tears.

Kagome shook her head and knelt down by him.

"You ruined what should have been a really amazing and special memory for both of us. You hurt me, but, you hurt yourself too."

He nodded "I don't know how, but I'll make it up to you."

Kagome shook her head again. "No, I don't want you to make it up to me. I want you to make it up to you. I want you to make it up to the pups, by learning from it, by stopping it from happening again, to them."

InuYasha nodded, smiling gently. He put his arms around Kagome, pulled her into his lap, kissing her.

"When they move again, will you tell me so I can feel them?" he asked, cradling her against him.

She took his hand and moved it to the slight curve where her baby tummy was just beginning to grow.

"Yeah"

"Kagome?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm proud that I barf for you."

Kagome looked at InuYasha and smiled. He might not be a poet, but he meant what he said. She never doubted it came from his heart. As long as she understood him, that was what mattered.

Kagome kissed him then snuggled down to sleep. It had been a long yucky day, she just wanted it over.

"Me too"


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Chapter 51 Preview

InuYasha suffers the effects

of getting on Sesshomaru's

Shitlist, and his need to make amends to

Kagome coincide with a run of

interesting cravings.

Troubles on the way

for Ayame, Kuroki and Rin


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