Disclaimer 1: If only they were mine, alas, they belong to Mr Wolf.
Disclaimer 2: I'm doing my best with the medical stuff, please don't take my interpretation as best or only way to treat NHL. While I'm trying to make it as close as I can, some of it is done for the sake of the story. Also, there may be misinformation but that is intentional and will be revealed throughout the story. I've Googled all medical information and consulted reputatable sites, so, having said all that... here it is...
Dedicated to my beautiful state of Victoria, devastated by the horror of February 7th, the souls lost and the tragic destruction.
This is the chapter you've been waiting for... I'd love to hear your thoughts!!!
For you, Fi xox
It took nineteen steps to complete a circuit of Dr Bainbridge's waiting room, something Elliot hadn't realised on his last visit as, at that time, he had been compelled to stand in place, staring out the window, due to his fear of everything. This time, his fear was reduced to one thing – the test results and he was agitated.
For the first part of their wait, Olivia had tried to comfort him with soothing words and touches. She had tried to change the topic by discussing Dickie's recovery and how well it was going. Not really succeeding, she had tried to catch his hand during one of his laps but he pulled from her grasp and muttered 'sorry' before turning around and walking the other way.
"He doesn't look like he's coping too well," Connie observed, slipping into the seat beside Olivia.
"He's not," she replied, her eyes tracking her husband's every move. "He won't talk about it either."
"Did either of you sleep much last night?" she asked, turning back to Olivia.
"Nope," she said before sighing deeply. "He was just so restless that every time I started to drift off he'd move and I'd be awake again. He's just exhausted."
"And so are you," Connie observed.
"Yeah, I know," Olivia agreed. "I'm sure we'll both sleep well tonight – well, depending on what the doctor has to say."
"I know you don't want me to say this, Olivia, but you have to remember that you need to get your rest and eat properly, regardless of today's outcome. You have Junior to think about too," she said quietly but firmly.
"I know," Olivia acknowledged in a whisper as Elliot came and stood in front of her once more.
Slowly, Olivia held her hand out to him, hoping that he would take it this time. He did and kissed it before locking his blue gaze onto her.
"How much longer?" he asked, looking from his wife to his nurse.
"Stephen's running a little late," Connie said. "Probably another fifteen minutes."
"Fuck!" he grumbled before dropping Olivia's hand and resuming his pacing.
Connie reached over and picked up Olivia's hand when she noticed her trembling lower lip and the tears in her eyes. Giving a brief squeeze she smiled at Olivia and was relieved when she reciprocated with a brief smile.
Twenty minutes later, when they were still waiting for the oncologist, Connie slipped away to find out just how much longer it would be, knowing Elliot was barely holding on. Coming back with a grim expression, she related that their appointment was at least an hour away as Stephen was still completing a very complicated surgery. Connie suggested they get coffee, Elliot said no. She suggested they get lunch, Elliot said no. She suggested sitting outside and getting some fresh air, Elliot said no.
When Olivia tearfully excused herself to use the bathroom, Connie decided to intervene.
"Elliot, look at me for a minute," she said, coming to face him as he stood by the window, he complied. "I know this is an incredibly frustrating day for you and I can understand your distraction, but I'm concerned about Olivia," she said quietly.
"What's wrong with Livia?" he asked, looking towards the place she'd been sitting. "Where is she?"
"She went to the bathroom," Connie said, patting his arm in reassurance. "But she is very tired, very emotional and probably very hungry. I know neither of you slept last night; I doubt you ate this morning either, did you?"
"No," he replied, shaking his head.
"Now, I know you don't feel like doing anything but Olivia needs some fresh air, some food and for you to relax, I'm sure her blood pressure is high and her blood sugar is low – and you know what happened last time this occurred," she said quietly as Olivia returned.
Ashamed about thinking only of himself, Elliot moved quickly to his wife and wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly before kissing her head.
"Let's go get some lunch and eat it outside," he said, kissing her head once more.
"Are you sure?" Olivia asked, wondering about the dramatic change.
"Yeah, I am," he confirmed, prepared to do anything for her.
An hour and fifteen minutes later, Connie's pager buzzed and she read the message.
"Looks like Stephen's ready for us," she said, picking up her empty packages and standing up. "You two ready to do this?" They both nodded but nothing was said. The elevator ride up was also in silence. Connie left them momentarily to check in with the receptionist and Elliot took the opportunity to hold his wife one last time before they found out the results.
"Do you know just how much I love you, Livia?" he asked as she settled her head on his shoulder.
"Yes, I do," she replied, looking up at him. "I love you very much too, Elliot. Whatever happens in there," she added, pointing to the closed door, "We'll get through it, just like we've gotten through everything in the past decade, okay?"
"Yeah, I know we will," he replied with a deep sigh before kissing her head and holding her closely.
"He's ready," Connie said, returning to them and knocking on the door before opening it. "Are you?"
"Yeah, we are," Elliot said bravely. "Let's get this over with."
Elliot was a highly trained and experienced detective, he knew how to read body language, to listen to detail and interpret and remember it, but once Dr Bainbridge began talking he seemed to lose all ability to put a coherent thought together. The doctor seemed serious, and Elliot knew it was a serious matter. He was talking in technical terms about markers and levels and it sounded vaguely familiar to what he'd heard before, so he knew it was about the results.
"Oh god, that's great news!" He heard Olivia exclaim before she squeezed his hand so tight he thought she might break it. It was only then her words sunk in. 'Great news'! "Isn't it, Elliot?" she said, tugging his hand.
"It is!" he said slowly, though the truth was he didn't actually know what the news was.
"Just to recap, for Elliot," Connie said, smiling at Olivia, knowing he hadn't taken in the results at all. "There's no indication of the cancer and Stephen sees no reason to continue treatments. There will have to be further tests in three months and ongoing monitoring after that. However, he's very pleased with your progress and he believes a return to work is possible in a month, still on a limited basis though."
"No indication of cancer?" he echoed and Connie nodded. "That's good right?"
"It's the best news," Olivia replied, threading her arm around him and hugging him tight. "The best news."
It wasn't until ten minutes later, after they had thanked and farewelled Connie that Elliot took his wife in his arms once more and kissed her thoroughly; ignoring the fact they were in the middle of the oncology corridor.
"I take it you're happy," Olivia said as she pulled back to get some much needed oxygen.
"Relieved," he said, resting his forehead on hers. "Just very, very, very relieved."
"Me too, baby, me too," she replied, pulling him back to her and kissing him once more.
There were fourteen missed calls on Elliot's phone when he turned it back on, and twenty seven on Olivia's.
"Think people want some answers," he observed, when she held up her phone so he could see the missed call total.
"I think so," she replied, "How do you want to tell them?" she asked slipping into the driver's seat, knowing Elliot was still too preoccupied to drive safely.
"All at once," he replied, hitting the speed dial and phoning his boss. His request was simple; could Don arrange for everyone to be at their house in an hour. There was no indication in his tone as to which way the results had gone and Elliot had disconnected the call before Don had a chance to ask.
"An hour? It will only take us thirty odd minutes to get there," Olivia said, pulling the car out of the car park.
"I know, I want to pick up some groceries," he said; a permanent smile now on his face. "We have something to celebrate."
It was seventy three minutes before Elliot and Olivia pulled into the driveway. They knew this as Kathleen came running out of the house giving them the elapsed time count.
"Sorry, honey," said Elliot as he handed a grocery bag to his daughter. "Traffic was slow."
"Fuck the traffic," she growled, surprising her parents. "What did the doctor say?"
"Can we have this conversation inside?" Elliot asked, knowing it would concern his daughter, but wanting to do it all at once.
Eight sets of eyes bored into them as Olivia and Elliot walked into the sitting room, and Elliot was pleased to find his work colleagues were all there.
"Well?" Fin said, shifting his feet uncomfortably as the tension grew.
"Well," began Elliot, still holding onto Olivia's hand. "The news was all good," he said, before his grin erupted. "No sign of the cancer, no more treatments, a review in three months and I can think about going back to work in a limited capacity in about a month," he reeled off quickly. As the last of the words were out of his mouth Maureen and Kathleen had wrapped their arms around him as their tears spilt over. Dickie followed right behind as Don and Munch slapped him on the back. Fin hugged Olivia as did Casey before pointing at Lizzie who hadn't moved from the sofa.
Quickly, Olivia padded over and sat down beside her, wrapping her arms around Lizzie, who sat still and emotionless.
"What is it, honey?" Olivia whispered, holding her tight. "You should be happy."
"I am," she said tearfully, burying her head in Olivia's shoulder.
"What's wrong?" she asked, very concerned about her youngest daughter's reaction.
"I was so scared, Livvy," she sobbed. "It was taking so long and I was so scared it was bad news."
"But it's not, Lizzie," Olivia soothed. "It's all good, it's very good."
"I know, but I thought it was going to be bad. You guys were gone nearly four hours, and I waited here the whole time.... right here," she said, pointing to the sofa and trying to catch her breath. "And ...and..."
"And what, Liz?" she asked, drawing up Lizzie's face. "What is it?" Lizzie leaned in and Olivia could feel her tremble.
"I was so scared, Liv ... and when you came in ...it was all too much and ... and ... I... I...wet myself," she said before more tears fell. "And on the new sofa."
"Oh, baby, it's okay," she soothed hugging her very emotional and embarrassed daughter. It was then she realised just how painfully hard this day had been for all of them.
Not wanting to bring attention to Lizzie's plight, Olivia caught Elliot's eye and beckoned him over. From her seated position, Lizzie hugged her father tightly, her tears taking away her ability to talk.
"It's all good, baby girl, it's all good," he said, kissing her head.
"Ah, El," Olivia whispered and Lizzie looked up horrified, but Olivia smiled and continued. "El, how about you take everyone into the kitchen with you and give us a few minutes here?"
"Sure," he said slowly. "Is everything okay?" he asked, caressing his daughter's face.
"Everything is just fine but Liz and I need about ten minutes to ourselves. Can you arrange that?" she asked, with a slight tilt of the head towards Lizzie and a mouthed 'please'.
Knowing whatever was wrong he'd be told about at a more suitable time; Elliot nodded and kissed both of their heads before standing.
"Party time!" he announced standing up. "Everyone into the kitchen!"
Casey had to return to court and after Elliot had seen her off, he passed back through the living room ensuring everyone else had moved to the kitchen, seeing that they had, he winked at his wife and she mouthed 'thanks'.
In the ten minutes afforded to them, Lizzie went upstairs and cleaned up and changed into a very similar pair of shorts while Olivia cleaned up the sofa, thankful they had opted to have the furniture Scotchgarded and Lizzie's accident hadn't produced any real damage, except maybe to her ego.
When Lizzie was ready, she came back downstairs and found Olivia waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs; she hugged her stepmother tightly and thanked her for everything.
"I love you so much, mom," she said, as Olivia kissed her head. It was tough to know who was more surprised by the word 'mom', Lizzie or Olivia.
"Do you mind?" Lizzie finally asked. "I just feel like you're my mom and...well...I know you refer to me as your daughter... it just seemed right...but if you don't..."
"I'd be very proud to have you call me mom, if that's what you want to do," Olivia replied tearfully as her emotions threaten to overwhelm her.
"I do, Livvy, mom," she said, giggling at the mistake. "I do, mom."
Despite the activity in the kitchen and his relief at his own news, Elliot kept an eye on the clock, concerned that fifteen minutes later there was still no sign of his wife and youngest daughter. Excusing himself from his conversation with Don, he moved back to the living room to see them hugging at the bottom of the stairs, tears clearly evident on both their faces.
"What's going on?" he asked padding over to them quickly and putting and arm around each of them.
"I love you very much, dad," she said, kissing his cheek. "And I'm so happy it's good news."
"So am I, Lizzie, so am I," he replied, kissing her head. "Why are you still out here though?" he asked, wiping away his wife's tears.
"We were just talking," Olivia said, resting her head on his shoulder and nestling closer to him.
"About me?" he asked, trying to get a read on the situation.
"No," Lizzie said, "Not everything's about you, daddy," she said with a laugh, relieved that not everything would have to be from here on in.
"Then what's up?" he asked, kissing Olivia's head.
"Lizzie called me mom," she said, the tears welling once more.
"Liv said she was alright with it," Lizzie said. "Or should I say mom said she's alright with it, but are you?" she asked her father.
"Are you alright with it?" he asked, turning his attention to his wife.
"Aha," she said. "I think it's an honour."
"Then I'm more than alright with it," he said kissing her again. "And I think it will be far less confusing for Junior."
"Good point, dad," Lizzie said. "Now, I'm starving. I haven't eaten a thing all day. Let's go party!" She departed before the other two could stop her.
Pulling his wife into his arms, Elliot kissed her tenderly.
"Are you ready to go party, mom?" he asked and she nodded. "Well, let's go party now and then I think we both need an afternoon nap. You, my beautiful, tearful wife are exhausted, aren't you?"
"Aha," she replied, pulling him close once more. Just for now, she didn't want space between them; she doubted whether she'd want space between them ever again.
