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The food was almost there, Ianto was sure that they might make it when Babbit stopped coloring and turned calmly to Em.
"Mama Em?" he said softly, "I have a question and I know you can answer coz you are a mama."
Ianto looked up with horror as he tried to think what was possibly coming next.
"It's about breastfeeding" Babbit warned, "Why have you got two? Is one for hot and
one for cold milk?"
"Er" Em blinked, "I have two in case baby is still hungry after one."
"So twins means one each, that's sensible!" Babbit took this as logical and settled happily as the food came towards them, a waiter coming as well as he recognized the waitress's giggled description of the family.
Babbit slid his picture aside as he didn't want the food on it and everything clattered to the floor.
'I want a fuck in' knife.' Babbit demanded.
Ianto was shocked until he realized he was actually saying, "You want a fork and knife, do you mean?"
"Of course, that's what I said" Babbit huffed.
The waiter knew this boy's propensity for misspeaking and had already fetched some without comment and smiled softly to Ianto.
"What do you say?" Ianto prompted.
"Thank you" Babbit smiled angelically at the waiter who always got it right and the man smiled back.
Bethy looked at her popcorn chicken balls and hummed happily, popping one into her mouth.
"Can I have one?" Babbit asked and she looked at him with narrowed eyes.
"Cockporn!" Babbit said slowly, "Wife! Give me Cockporn chookie!"
Em excused herself and walked cross legged towards the restroom as she squealed with laughter.
Em came back and sat back down as she fanned her face, "So hot. I must look a fright."
Babbit stopped, giving her a kind look and said, "No Mama, you look wonderful."
Babbit went to drink from his glass and paused, turning to Ianto, "When we say something nice, even when we don't mean it at all, that's called being polite, right?"
Em choked on her mouthful and tears escaped as Ianto patted her back.
Finally they managed to get though the meal and Ianto motioned that he was ready for the bill.
Babbit had asked politely for Ianto's phone and was showing Bethy some pictures of the dogs, then Bethy reached for a magazine from her mother's bag to show Babbit a picture of a dressed doggie.
Babbit flicked though the magazine and found a shot of a celebrity running topless on a beach.
"Look at that nonsense!" Babbit huffed! "Why would anyone be on a magazine with no shirt on?"
"Because she's crazy. And drank too much wine," Bethy answered with a look of knowledge on her face as she flapped a hand to dismiss the picture.
"When we are married I hope you keep your breasts under control, these look like they might put her eye out!" Babbit growled.
"Oh, mine won't be that big!" Bethy said seriously, "I think I like ones like …this big."
She slapped her hands to her chest and then brought them out a few inches. Babbit reached out and cupped her hands while looking appreciatively at her.
"I will love you even if they get big darling" he promised, "I will just pretend they are pillows for our many children to sleep on. And feast on, of course. Hungry buggers!"
Ianto decided that they had more than enough attention from the other tables and stood to leave, the cash on the table almost twice the bill, as always to apologize.
Babbit let out a huge burp, slapping at his chest in a manly fashion while looking at Bethy.
"Babs, what do you say?" Ianto promoted softly.
"Oh yeah" Babbit turned to face the back of the café and yelled, "THANK YOU MARTIANS!"
They left Magianos giggling wildly as the children happily talked. Em laughed all the way to the car, kissing Ianto on the cheek as Bethy and Babs waved to each other.
Gods, he was going to be a right horror at the hospital.
Thank god it was just Owen.
