Chapter 43
Scarlett was very cold to Rhett during the next few days of convalescence mainly because the very sight of him infuriated her. Everything he said was true, Scarlett had no trouble admitting it. She was glad that someone finally took the trouble to try and understand her. But with this understanding, she expected Rhett to chivalrously rescue her. But here he was sermonizing.. telling her what she ought to do or not to do. If this was what love was, she was growing tired of it. She wanted so much more. Where was the old Rhett who promised to let her play without a worry in the world?
And all those troublesome memories. Scarlett unwillingly remembered several things because of Rhett's interference. Things she desperately wanted to forget. Of course, she had to protect Pa. They made a pact and they were protecting Mother because she was so very gentle.
But strangely, Scarlett could not find comfort in this explanation anymore. Whenever she smiled to herself saying, "Pa was such a child", a voice in her spoke, "I was a child too" and whenever she firmly stated that her Mother was gentle, a picture of her Mother's bland, humorless face came to her and for some reason filled her with a shock.
She tried to dismiss it. She wanted to flee to Atlanta. But there was no escaping it.
She remembered it all.
"Mr. O'Hara , you shouldn't have let her carry drinks to the field-hands. Scarlett is growing up to be a fine lady and ladies of good birth do not carry potions to the household help. Think, Mr. O'Hara, I carry medicines, clothes and food. Shouldn't our daughter do the same? What Scarlett needs during these early years is the company of little girls from the best families in Georgia. There she can learn our way of life."
"Mrs. O'Hara, I do agree. But it is only once in a while that I have asked this child to perform such a duty. I believe Katie Scarlett even wished to carry the drinks, eh Missy?"
Gerald's eyes twinkled. But Scarlett looked uneasy.
Scarlett stood, shifting from heel to heel, her pale green eyes fixated on her Mother. She saw a spasm of pain cross her Mother's face and her lips pressing tightly together as she struggled to appear calm.
"Perhaps, Mr. O'Hara, you might take Scarlett to the Wilkes plantation tomorrow. She might enjoy the company of India there. India is a sweet, responsible child and I'd like Scarlett to learn from her. You must take more pride and interest in little Scarlett."
"It is immensely proud of her, I am. Why, Mrs. O'Hara, after we lost three boys, surely I might have the freedom to treat Puss like a-"
Ellen abruptly put down her needle work and walked away. Gerald stared after her, his red face usually full of good humor, struggling not to look embarrassed. But Gerald was upset. His heart was too kind and he could understand that his young wife was too gentle to understand Irish ways. He assumed his gruff manner and rose up. He patted Scarlett on her head and set out to drink not seeing the tears that were flowing down the child's eyes. Her Mother did not love her father. There was nothing between them but polite manners and sentiments.
Suddenly everything that happened that day, every little thing, tripping over the stile, the weight of the drinks tray, the cold look on Ellen's face.. everything caused Scarlett to drum her heels and scream out in anger. In an instant, Ellen came rushing out with a look of shock and alarm on her face. She instructed Mammy to do something and called out to Scarlett. Gerald came rushing back inside.
And there was Ellen, shaken out of her world, gazing down at Scarlett, hushing her, telling her to be calm. Ellen took great pleasure in helping Scarlett.
Scarlett sat up shaking.
Now she was able to understand. Mother liked to comfort and love wild things like her lover Phillippe. And as long as Scarlett exaggerated life and acted wild, she could shake her Mother out of her world and get some kind of love.
But it isn't real. Now Scarlett understood why Rhett had smiled away her fears when he left her the last time. She had said that he was "deserting her" , it was a theatrical accusation.. wildly exaggerated because it always worked with her Mother. And everything else.. thinking Rhett was going to kill her when he made love to her, thinking how piratical, wolfish, he looked when he was only staring at her.. everything was an exaggeration.. a drama that wasn't Scarlett. It was something she learned to do. It worked with her Mother but it did not work with Rhett.
