Author's note: thank you very much for all the reviews; I hope I didn't scare you too much.
Chapter Forty-Nine: Death vs Life
All of a sudden, she became conscious of the weight of her head – the lightness of the sheet on her legs – and the singular smell of the room. Disinfectant. She moaned – the sound passing her lips close to a death rattle – and opened her eyes slowly. Her vision was blurry, too blurry to make out the mere thing.
"Maura?"
The voice pierced through the fog of her head. Instinctively, she drew her attention in its direction and blinked.
"Jane?" Weak voice. Confusion. "Are you dead as well?"
Silence. Little by little, her vision came back to normal and soon enough Maura faced her wife who was sitting by her side; frowning at her as if she had lost her mind.
"What? No, I'm alive. Why are you asking me that?" Jane approached a hand from the honey blonde and began to caress her forehead with a lot of care. Soothing gesture that made Maura smile.
"Then how come I can talk to you?"
The situation was extremely confusing. Very slowly, Maura turned her head around to check the room she was in. The walls were white and bare. The place was quiet. She brought an instinctive hand to her stomach only to realize that – if it was still somewhat swollen – she had already lost a part of it.
What was going on? It hadn't been a dream, had it? She had been pregnant. At some point. It couldn't be a dream. Yet as she looked around, she didn't see any crib whatsoever. Nothing that could indicate that she had had twins.
"What do you mean how come you can talk to me? Of course, you can! You've just woken up from the aenesthesia of your c-section, that doesn't mean you've lost the ability to speak!"
Oh. "But... What happened? I don't remember anything. I thought... The room turned dark and then it was all weird."
Jane nodded, chuckled a bit. "Yep. You passed out. Your oxygen dropped and since you were tired they decided to keep you asleep all along the c-section. But you're fine, now. You're just fine."
"Where are they?"
If everything was alright then how come there was not a single crib in the room? And what had happened to her belongings? Her magazines – cell phone – and clothes had disappeared. Why was the room bare?
As she turned her head back to Jane, Maura realized that the brunette's features had deepened a bit. She was frowning, her lips pursed.
"Are they okay?" Blank tone of voice. For once, Maura couldn't care less whether she sounded on the verge of a nervous breakdown. There was no pretending anymore. She had to know. And now.
Jane nodded. "Yes, yes. Their vital signs are excellent but they're a bit tiny... Like any premature baby. That's why they're not in your room. But I've taken pictures. Wait, I'm going to show you."
Maura tried to sit up but renounced right away as a sharp pain ran throughout her body, rising from her lower stomach. The c-section scar was too recent, obviously.
As patiently as she could, she waited for Jane to grab her tablet and turn it on. The first picture made it on screen, Maura swallowed hard and blinked.
She felt an odd distance, as if she were looking at a stranger. Just another newborn except the baby girl was in Jane's arms and clenched her little fists with strength.
"This is Lucie... They took her out first... She is the bigger one. And... Here's Alba."
With shaking hands, Jane opened another window and a brand new picture appeared. Jane had leaned over the tiny – very tiny – baby and had taken the picture as she had been planting a kiss on top of her head.
"You cried?" A smile finally appeared on Maura's lips, a pale one. She was exhausted.
Scoff. Running a hand through her hair, the detective cleared her voice and made a face. "I had a foreign body on my retina."
"Cornea."
"Whatever."
Third picture. Jane had sat down on an armchair and had a baby in each arm as a grin lit up her features and she bit her lower lip in obvious delight. Then it hit Maura. Cruelly, harshly.
"I have missed all that..." She had passed out and missed her very own labor.
This was a tragedy. How could she live with such guilt on her shoulders? The twins would feel it. She knew it. They would have to grow up with the subconscious feeling their mother hadn't properly given birth to them nor had been able to hold them in her arms. She was a monster. The tears welled up in her eyes.
"No, don't cry! They're fine, you're fine... It's just the beginning, now. And... Look, you did kiss them. Somehow."
Jane passed to another picture that showed Maura asleep – under the effect of the aenesthesia – with her head on a side touching the head of the twins.
The honey blonde gasped in horror. "Oh God, Jane! How dare you... Delete this horror immediately and bring me to the right floor. I want to see them."
A grumpy Maura was a very alive Maura. Reassured, Jane smiled – put her tablet down reluctantly – and shook her head. "You will be able to go there this afternoon. Not before. Sorry..."
"What time is it? What day is it?" Maura frowned. She had lost any time reference. It was by day, the sun was now piercing through the windows, warming up her body.
"March, 23rd..." Jane looked up – locked her eyes with her wife's – and waited for the words to make it to Maura's head. "They were born today, at 00.02am and 00.04am..."
March, 23rd. The date didn't pass unnoticed to Maura as much as the fog of the aenesthesia hadn't yet completely vanished. "A year ago..."
Jane nodded, blushed. "Yes. Happy anniversary."
A year ago, they had kissed - stuck on a door frame of a hotel resort in the Dominican Republic - after a few odd days of tentative steps. None had been scared, none had apologized. On the contrary. They both had embraced their feelings in spite of everything.
It couldn't be more symbolic.
…
"I can't believe you insisted on putting makeup on."
Pushing Maura through the corridors in her brand new wheelchair – as she couldn't walk yet – Jane rolled her eyes and shook her head. The lunch over, the honey blonde had insisted to be taken to the right floor immediately.
"Why, I am going to meet my daughters for the first time. I don't want to look... Careless." The blonde sat up on the chair and winced in pain.
"Whatever..."
Gasp. "Don't whatever me!"
But soon the bickering stopped as they passed a door and made it in the room where several newborns were sleeping in incubators.
Maura felt intimidated. Ridiculously enough. And guilty. There were a dozen of babies and she didn't know which ones were hers. A little scream pierced through the quietness of the room, somewhere on her right. She snapped her head around and stared at the newborn in the incubator.
"So it is true..."
Busy washing her hands, Jane raised a confused eyebrow. "What?"
As if mesmerized by the scene, Maura frowned and swallowed hard. "That a mother can recognize – out of instinct – the cries of her baby among a dozen other ones..."
"This is..."
"Lucie. I know."
The nurse smiled – settled Maura on a corner – and grabbed the newborn with care. Lucie didn't look too small for a premature baby.
She was tall, with long fingers. Pink cheeks and lips. She seemed to be as healthy as Elizabeth had told Maura a bit earlier. And she surprisingly weighed a lot as the honey blonde took her in her arms.
"And here comes Alba." With an expert gesture, Jane turned around and approached her wife with the second twin in her arms. She looked very at ease. And happy.
"They look like each other... Except for the weight." Maura's murmur hit the air gently as she finally got to hold them both against her chest. They were warm, and moving quite a lot. "They are perfect."
Exit the pain. As Jane bent over to plant a kiss at the corner of her lips before resting her head on her shoulders, an immense relief invaded Maura and tears made her eyes shine brightly.
Tears of joy. At last.
She was a mother. She had daughters. They had daughters. She and Jane. A powerful feeling suddenly seemed to pass underneath her skin - warming up her blood - before reaching her heart and spreading the sensation to have suddenly become immortal. Untouchable.
"Of course, they are perfect. Since when my daughters wouldn't be perfect?"
Jane's comment made her laugh, in spite of the pain stirred up by such spasms. "Give me their medical files. I want to check them. Elizabeth remained way too vague to my taste. I am a medical doctor, I can read them."
The brunette shook her head vehemently. "No. I want you to focus on them for the time being. They're healthy. Who cares about numbers and blood results? They're doing just fine. Enjoy them instead of losing yourself in a medical jargon. Stick to bare reality, for once."
Maura made a face - divided - but as Alba's little hand grabbed her finger to hold it tightly, she forgot to the request she had just formulated.
